Original subtitles

Look, Frank, I'm not saying Peter isn't arrogant and brash and hard to get along

with, but the fact is our audience really responds to him and he tested

with the focus groups. Let me see that. Look at those results.

They're interested in his choice of stories, they admire his gutsy style of

reporting, and a surprising number of them want to see him with his shirt off.

Oh, sure.

But how does he test with the men?

Frank, those are the men.

Oh, God.

Miles, what... is the meaning of this memo. The network is taking 20 seconds

my commentary so they can promote another funny home video special.

I say if you weigh 300 pounds, you have no business riding your dog in the first

place.

Jim, I know this guy reports from Lebanon, Iraq, South Africa. Now, what

have in common?

They are all places you can get a great suntan. That's what these people are

responding to. You send him off to Alaska to one of my pipeline stories,

take off his shirt so he wants to look at it. Frank, I just dropped this. You

see the latest issue of TV Guide? It's got that article on the women of

primetime news you suggested I do. It's a nice picture, huh? Look, there's

Barbara Walters, Diane Sawyer, Connie Chong, Leslie Stahl.

Oh, oh, wait a minute. Who is that peeking out from behind Maria Shriver's

It's me.

This isn't a publicity shot. It's a where's Waldo.

Stop it! Stop it right now!

Jim, I don't have your 20 seconds. Murphy, I didn't take the picture. And

this obsession with another man's chest is starting to affect your work.

Well, here it is. Another show night. Aren't we the luckiest people in the

to be doing something we love with people we care about?

Corky, can I see you?

You're so sweet.

You're the best. Every single one of you.

John, Doug, Brian, Leonard, other Doug, Steve, Mitch, Kieran, Kenny,

other John.

I can't believe Corky didn't mention her birthday was tomorrow.

I can't believe that guy's name is Kenny.

He gave me the Heimlich five years ago. I've been calling him George ever since.

She could have had the decency to drop a hint. Everybody drops hints. Well,

maybe it's not that big a deal to her. She's two years younger than I am. That

means she's turning 30. Tell me that's not a big deal. Okay, at the next

commercial, we'll give her a cupcake.

We can't just give her a cupcake. The crew gave her a cupcake. We make a lot

more money than they do. We should get her a whole cake.

And some ice cream.

Neapolitan is always a popular choice. 40 seconds, people.

We should throw her a party. That's what we should do. Oh, how do you know she

even wants a party? Maybe she's comfortable about turning 30. I know, I

even remember my 30th birthday.

Well, of course not. You were smashed out of your mind.

Okay, but that wasn't because it was my birthday. Back then, I'd celebrate 430.

The point is, just because you people are all morbidly fixated on birthdays

doesn't mean she... Heads up. Going live in 5, 4, 3, 2...

Good evening and welcome to FYI. For your information tonight, Murphy Brown

reports on the 203rd session of the Supreme Court, Frank Fontana goes

exposing fraudulent health care clinics, and Peter Hunt is on assignment in

Columbia. First, some say the American educational system is a foundering ship.

Tonight, Corky Sherwood introduces us to three young Americans who are sailing a

different schooner. Corky?

Thank you, Jim.

Tonight, we're proud to have with us this year's recipients of the National

Association of Teachers Award for America's Best and Brightest.

Sanjay Kandwala, Suzy Ahn, and Kwan Chang.

Your families must be just thrilled about your achievement. Now, I

that you're all high school seniors.

How old would that make you exactly?

17.

17.

That is such a special age.

I myself was 17 when I was chosen to represent Louisiana in the Junior Miss

pageant. It was the fulfillment of a young girl's dream.

So what kind of dreams do you have, Susie?

I'd like to study the burgeoning field of recombinant genetics, specifically

it relates to the pathology of neurological disease.

That's nice, too.

It's just so hard to sit here with all of you and not...

Think about how few years there are between 17 and, oh, 29 or 30.

12 or 13 years, Mr. Wood.

Thank you, Quan.

You're just a human calculator, aren't you?

So, looking down the road, what would each of you like to be doing when those

or 13 years have passed?

I would like to go to medicine.

All doctors.

Isn't that cute?

I would like to follow in my father's footsteps and be the second Kondwala to

win a Nobel Prize.

A Nobel Prize!

Well, that would be a very special and wonderful achievement, Sanjay.

But what about after you win the Nobel Prize?

What then?

You have a Nobel Prize, and you're 30.

Do you think that will make you happy?

I'm not sure.

What about you, Juan?

Susie, will you be happy?

I don't know. I haven't quite thought this through, have you?

Well, it looks like maybe you're going to have to do a little more homework

before you're ready for the real world.

Hmm?

Can't hear you, Kwan.

Okay, maybe she does need a party.

I just want to help people.

Okay, so that's three dozen crab.

of pastries and 25 servings of lemon duck on arugula?

Great. All right, so we're going to need that at 1 o 'clock.

Today? Well, okay, if that's pushing it, we can make it 1 .30.

Hello?

They call themselves professional caterers. It's no wonder our small

are failing.

What in heaven's name did we get in this position?

Isn't there someone around here who keeps track of birthdays?

Yeah, Corky.

pull this together and do it ourselves. We've had parties without caterers

before. Yeah, but Corky's always thrown them. I miss Corky. Frank, is this

supposed to be helping?

I think I know what Frank's feeling.

Corky's always been there for us.

Happy, funny little Corky.

Here's our chance to repay her. A simple acknowledgement of the day she sprang

to life. And we blew it.

We don't deserve Corky.

I'm in the canoe and I'm paddling by myself.

Look, I'm due at the Senate in half an hour. hour. Frank's got an 11 o 'clock

with Ralph Nader. So can we please just focus on showering Corky with love and

attention as quickly as possible so we can all get on with our lives?

Well, I've always thought colorful decorations were the key to a festive

atmosphere. That and Neapolitan ice cream.

Jim shoots, Jim scores. I'll handle the decorations.

Wendy, can you fly down to the drugstore, pick up some streamers,

know, your basic happy birthday assortment.

Okay, decorations are done. Was that so difficult?

A cake? A cake, right. I was going to get to that.

What, too much cologne?

Hey, it's Peter, everybody.

Peter's back from Colombia. Isn't it good to see him? Welcome back. You're

tracking mud.

I missed you guys, too.

I brought you a little souvenir from the Medellin airport.

My Spanish isn't what it used to be, but I think it's either a dried apricot or

a human ear.

Neat, huh?

Thank you, Peter.

How did everything go south of the 23rd parallel?

Oh, it was a little dysentery, a few minor snake bites, a strip search at

gunpoint, when you can get a one -on -one with Major Paolo Panero.

You got footage of Panero?

I don't believe it.

Columbia's most notorious drug lord, exclusively on FYI. Way to bring it

Peter! Yeah, well, you know what they say.

You gotta crack the toughest rinds to savor the sweetest fruit.

Oh, how true.

Nice tan.

It's amazing, isn't it?

12 hours ago, I was sitting in mud drinking coffee out of a rusty tin can.

Now I'm drinking Swiss mocha amaretto out of a Snoopy mug.

How can you people live like this?

Here you go, Petey.

Anything to make you feel more comfortable.

North American mud, just not the same.

Look, I didn't mean to imply that you people live a dull life around here. You

seen me working on something pretty intense when I walked in. Why don't you

bring me up to speed?

What's the topic?

Cake?

Cake?

Yeah, too hot for me. I'm going back to Columbia.

Yes, yes.

But have your laugh. But the fact is, it's Corky's birthday and we're throwing

small celebration because that's the sort of people we are. We care about

other. And we're having Neapolitan ice cream.

Okay, I'm in. What?

I like Corky. I get a kick out of her. And I'm a part of FYI, so I'm in. Well,

how about that, everybody?

Peter wants... Wilson, isn't that nice? Let's let him in.

She's our Corky. Frank, we're letting him in.

Fine, fine, you're in. But since we know Corky a little better than you do, I

think you should just stand back and observe.

Now, where were we?

Cake.

Right. What kind does Corky like?

Chocolate. Oh, chocolate.

Wow, you guys are close.

All right, we'll get back to it. Any thoughts on a gift? Something pastel.

Pink. Look at all the pink stuff she has in her office.

It's like the inside of a bottle of Pepto -Bismol.

I've read something with animals. She does seem fond of animals.

Okay. Something pink with an animal motif that she can wear.

That should practically jump off the shelf.

What are you doing from noon to one? Oh, let me guess. Dragging Ralph Nader

through Neiman Marcus.

All right, Miles. You take Corky to editing and then bring her down here at

Okay, but I'll need some kind of a signal.

I know, I know. I'll cough three times when we're in the hallway.

Three staccato coughs.

Great. I'll call Phil and... Wait a minute, wait a minute. You weren't

listening, were you?

We're in the hallway. We're in the hallway.

We scream surprise, Corky squeals with delight, and his whole nightmare is

Now that has to be it. Going once. And what about the cake? Oh, jeez.

Carrot. Excuse me?

Corky likes carrot cake. Well, how did you know that?

I'm a reporter. I notice things.

I've seen her order carrot cake three times at lunch. Same way I've noticed

order jello and pudding on alternate days. Miles asks for his sandwiches with

lettuce. Frank says he shouldn't order fries and does, and Murphy just steals

off of everybody else's plate.

See ya.

Lucky get.

Look at this.

Who would have thought a Halloween sale could provide such a lively decor?

And what a stroke of luck that all three drugstores Wendy went to were out of

Happy Birthday in English.

Having it in Spanish adds that international flavor.

I would say festive is the word that's more to the point.

Who are we kidding?

This party's going to be about as festive as an evening with Dr.

The man of the hour arrived.

I tell you, Murphy, I did the best I could.

But next time you've got to give me a little more warning. I'm a chef, not a

magician. But you made it, Phil. We can always count on you. In keeping with

Corky's Louisiana roots, the burgers are black and Cajun style.

They just look burnt to me.

Okay, Murphy, they're burnt.

You tried cooking 20 extra burgers during the lunch hour. For crying out

my place is so crowded it looks like a Clinton half -brother reunion.

Hey, Phil.

Aren't you going to stay for the party?

No, Frank.

I'm jetting to the Riviera.

It's lunchtime.

Nobody understands the restaurant business.

I was all over town and ready to give up when I struck gold. I didn't even have

a chance to have it wrapped.

What do you think?

It's pink.

It's something she can wear. And it has this feathery part which looks like it

came from an animal.

Even flame retardant Nader liked that.

Here, feel it.

You hate it, don't you? Well, why'd you send me for this in the first place? You

know, it's not like I am known as a shrewd shopper.

The minute you asked me to go, I knew this present was going to be a bust, and

was going to be the one to take the blame for it. Look, next time, you just

somebody else, okay?

Who decorated this place? Sylvia Plath?

So this is the party, huh?

And I chipped in 40 bucks.

You don't mind if I see the receipts, do you?

Okay, the party stinks.

We all know it stinks. We're busy people. We did the best we could. And it

stinks. Thank you, Frank.

But can we all at least get the hide -and -yell surprise thing right instead

Corky walking into the world's most depressing, pathetic surprise?

Did no one hear me coughing? My throat is raw from coughing.

Now, Corky, I know what you're thinking. This looks like one lame excuse for a

birthday party, and it is. But I can explain. You see...

Oh, no, she's crying. Oh, Corky, don't do that.

Corky, I know this seems like a bad party, but we've all seen worse.

Why, there was that one where Trunkite walked through a plate glass door.

At least you don't have lacerations about your head and neck. That's

to be happy about.

No, it's not the party.

The whole thing is beautiful.

You're the best friends I could ever hope for.

Was Frank in charge of the gift?

me. It's almost like they wanted me to fail.

It's lovely.

Probably just the kind of thing a woman's supposed to wear when she's 30.

Oh, hey.

Hey, Corky.

I know turning 30 is a tough one.

Suddenly you're not the wonder kid anymore.

You look around and people even younger than you are nipping at your heels,

right?

No, that's not it.

alone, right? And you figure if you're alone at 30, you might just be alone for

the rest of your life.

No, that's not it either.

Is it perhaps that you realize that you're one year closer to death?

No, but thanks, Jim.

Then what the hell is it? You've got fame, money, glamour, professional

recognition. What's the...

The rest of you can't understand.

You were smart.

You waited to be famous until you were old.

Corky, if it'll make you feel any better, I tasted success at a pretty

age, and I had some of the same fears you do.

But then look at all I've experienced since then.

You became an alcoholic.

You had to dry out at Betty Ford.

You had an illegitimate child.

It's why I don't help people.

All right, all right. Coming through. May I, please?

Court.

Court.

You can't remember the last time something took your breath away, can

No. You stopped feeling that rush you felt the first time you filed a story.

Or took an overseas assignment.

Or made it over the wall of a foreign prison.

Uh, let's change that last one to, uh, what?

to a Scientology meeting to get an interview with Tom Cruise.

Close enough.

And you felt that rush of adrenaline, didn't you?

Didn't you?

But now life is just one big seen it, done it, lived it. Am I right?

Oh, yes.

Oh, yes.

Then there's only one thing left to do.

Jim, you're tied.

What? Come on, we're wasting time. Let's go.

Oh, well, all right. But now, you just be careful with this.

It was a gift from Miles.

Yes, well, it's very nice.

Thanks. I picked it out.

Of course. Why didn't I think of that? There's nothing like a nice game of pin

the tail on the donkey to yank her out of the spirit.

Come on, Corky. I'm going to show you how to really celebrate your birthday.

Where are we going?

You're just going to have to trust me on this.

We're having cake and ice cream.

Corky, this is insane. He blindfolded me.

explanation and you're just going to go off with him?

I guess.

San Salvador.

One minute I'm sleeping off some bad tequila and the next we're being strafed

anti -aircraft fire.

Before I know it, somebody's slapping a parachute on my back, shoving me out the

hatch and yelling at me to count to ten and pull the cord.

That afternoon I came this close to dying.

you had no idea you'd be 10 ,000 feet up staring eternity in the face with a guy

you barely know.

But that's why I brought you up here. To realize that life's great pleasure is

never knowing what's around that next curve.

20 seconds to jump run.

South Ferry, last stop.

or seen her since she was here with you.

Courtney!

He's crippled her!

What's the foot? What's the foot? What did you do to her?

Frank, it wasn't his fault.

I didn't follow instructions.

I kept telling her to relax and bend her knees, but she was all pent up.

And with all my weight on top of her, uh...

You're a dead man.

diving. I landed wrong, compressing my spine, spraining the transverse ligament

in my ankle, and having, without a doubt, the best birthday of my life!

It was good for me, too.

You mean skydiving? And it was wonderful!

Peter knew exactly what I needed, because on his 30th birthday, he was on

routine assignment when his plane was strafed by anti -aircraft fire, and he

to parachute out!

Because of Peter, I will always remember that life... is never knowing what's

around that next curve.

And an ankle is a delicate balance of tendons and ligaments.

I am so grateful.

Really, really grateful.

All right.

Don't worry, Corky.

He is not going to hurt you anymore.

Has anyone ever told you that you have tremendous upper body strength?

Not that I'm complaining.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

I guess I'm still a little bit lightheaded.

I don't know whether it's the painkillers or the fact that my life has

deeply and profoundly changed forever.

Come on, Corky. What you need is to just get off your feet and have a nice cup

of tea.

Chamomile. Oh, chamomile. My favorite.

I knew that.

Well, what do you know?

The guy with all the answers actually had the answer.

Well, what can I say? If there's one thing I know, it's how to take a woman

screaming to new heights.

Yeah, well, I wouldn't brag about it until you can do it without a pilot, a

control tower, and an air -sick bag.

One other thing.

Corky is a vulnerable and trusting human being. None of us would take kindly to

someone who might try to take advantage of that.

I hear you, Sheriff.

Wrapped by anti -aircraft fire?

Too much?

I wasn't sure when I threw that in, but it seemed to do the trick.

I knew it. So what did you really do on your 30th birthday? Have a few beers

with your buddies? A pizza with a candle on it? Actually, I spent the day bound

and gagged in the trunk of a Volkswagen in Beirut while my captors argued over

which of my fingers to include in the ransom note.

Well, at least you've saved something for Corky's 40th.

The new season's here.

It starts with a B. Well, all right.

Along with the Pinto Beats.

Tuesday.

It's half, half, nine. Maybe my Pinto Beats. Pinto Beats.