All language subtitles for Murphy Brown s05e19 Bump in the Night

You tell them someday we'll be together,
oh yeah,

oh yeah, you'll follow me.

Police are saying the pair survived the
six -story fall only because Fontana was

able to distract Stebbins long enough
for rescue workers to get an inflatable

mattress in place.

Stebbins, a vice president with Soloway
Brothers Investment Firm, is now leading

federal investigators through that
company's records in what is being

financial scandal of the decade.

This is so exciting!

You've been on the front page of every
paper in the country.

very exciting so is everybody ready to
order you know it's pretty amazing you

start out doing what you think is just
another story before you know it it

explodes into the biggest thing you've
ever done i'm telling you the last three

days i've been on larry king i've been
on larry king meet the press not to

mention nightlife done it three times
been to ted's house twice well i think

someone at this table is having a nice
big plate of sour grapes for lunch

who it could be. Okay, please. I'm sure
Murphy's as excited for Frank as the

rest of us are. Isn't that right,
Slugger? Oh, you bet.

After all, I gave Frank this story. Yep.

It was originally my story, but I passed
it on to him. He did the work. He

deserves the glory. This business is
horribly unfair. Can we order?

Hey there, everybody.

What can I get you?

Burger, fries, club soda, and it was
originally my story.

As usual.

Who's next?

Frank, you're not going to believe this.

What are you doing this Thursday night?
Don't even tell me, because you're not

doing it.

I just got the call.

They want you to be on Late Night with
David Letterman. What? Oh, my God.

Isn't that the fellow who was on past
midnight?

Come on. Are you kidding? You've got to
be kidding. You're kidding, right? Not

kidding. Not kidding. They heard about
your story. They love the part about

falling off the building. Oh, God. I
just realized I left Al Gore on hold to

take the call from Letterman's people.

I better get back there.

Wait a minute. What am I worried about?
He's the vice president now. What else

does he have to do?

Congratulations,

Frank. You know, I've always thought
that I'd be a natural for Letterman. He

said, Julia Childs on Paul Prudhomme. I
got stories you could kick their butts.

Remember that time that the pickled egg
got away from me and landed down Jean

Kirkpatrick's blouse?

Thank you for that one.

And listen, maybe you could talk me up
with Letterman a little bit. I don't

know, Phil. You know, I'm just going on
as it gets. It might not be the right

thing to do.

Oh, sure.

Sure, I understand.

You have a great time on the show. I'll
be here, changing the fat in the deep

fryer.

Oh, yeah.

You color me contented.

Oh, Murphy, do you know what I just
realized?

No, no, no, no. If you had only kept the
Soloway brothers' story, you'd be the

one going on Letterman.

Piling up around me now.

Murph. No, no, no. Frank, listen. I wish
you the best of luck.

Letterman's a mercurial guy.

Always in a good mood the night you're
on.

I'll never forget that night he tore
into Jessica Tandy.

I'll always remember her cowering in her
chair, calling out Hume's name over and

over again.

All right, Murph, let's clear the air
here. Yes?

You gave me the story, but I was the one
who ran with it. I mean, you might have

approached it from an entirely different
angle. You might not have even been

there when the guy went out on the
ledge. And even if you were, I really

you would have gone out there after him.
Well, that's where you're wrong, Frank.

That's exactly what I would have done.
And I'll tell you something else. On

six -story drop, I would have gotten a
quote.

Unlike you, who the crew heard
screaming, Mommy, the entire way down.

I'm going on Letterman. You've never
been on Letterman. I'm going on

I'm going on Letterman.

Hi, I was in the neighborhood.

Hi, come on in.

Okay, okay, okay, I'll go first.

Thank you for the story, I really
appreciate it, and I'm sorry for being a

No, Frank, what happened today was all
my fault.

I don't know what my problem was.

I heard the stuff coming out of my mouth
and I couldn't stop myself.

It's like somebody else got a few
minutes in the spotlight and I flipped

don't want you to flip out. I want you
to be happy for me. You're right, Frank.

You're my buddy. I should be happy for
you.

And I'm going to start right now.

Okay, I'm happy now.

I'm very happy for you.

I'm feeling kind of a warm glow.

Oh, that's the heating vent.

I don't want you to pull a muscle or
anything, Murph. Take your time. No, no,

no. I can get this.

I know.

The night you're on Letterman, I'll have
a party. The whole gang can come over

and watch. Murph, I have a better idea.

The show sent me two plane tickets. Why
don't you come with me to New York? Be

at the taping. No, Frank, it's your
night. You don't want me tagging along.

Look, I wouldn't even be doing this if
it wasn't for you. But I'll tell you the

truth. I'm a little nervous. You know,
you've done this talk show thing a lot

more than I have. You can give me some
pointers.

Okay, I'll come along. But you're going
to do great.

Well, I guess. You know, Letterman's not
that bad. I mean...

That thing you said about him and
Jessica Tandy, you were kidding, right?

So what are you going to wear on the
show?

Oh, God.

And this is our green room, Mr.

Fontana. You can relax in here before
you go on.

You know, Caroline, it's a funny thing.
I've never been a guest on this show. I

don't know, it just strikes me as kind
of odd.

Does it seem kind of odd to you?

I work in television, Miss Brown. I
don't consider myself a good judge of

Nice answer. Now, let me introduce you
to some of our guests. This is John

Rennie. He's an exciting young comedian,
and it's his first time on the show.

Hi, Frank Fontana.

So, your first time or two, huh? Yeah.

A little nervous, but I'll be okay.

Seeing how many new parts of my body I
can sweat out of.

I'm not blaming you for being nervous.
I'll never forget the first time I was

national television.

All I could think about were those
millions and millions of people out

watching me.

My head was going to explode.

It was like someone was sticking pins
into my head right over here.

have Mrs. Kovalev. She has trained
birds.

Oh, no kidding. You got birds in there?
Let's see. Oh, please.

My babies must have calm and quiet
before this show.

Oh, okay.

Five minutes to curtain, Polly.

Why don't we step this way and let the
birds rest?

Fontana, the basic rundown. You're going
to be our second guest tonight, then

Mrs. Kobolakis and the birds, and we'll
wrap up the show with John.

If I get bummed, it's okay. I can come
back another time.

Put your head between your legs, John.
You'll be fine.

Two cards for Mr. Fontana. Why don't we
run through what you're going to be

talking to Dave about?

Of course, we'll start with your big
story. It was my story, but I gave it to

him. We worked it out. It's no problem.

Great. Big story, he's parachuting into
the Bolivian jungle story, and then the

story where you were smitten.

Excuse me. Do you mind if I just tell
it?

You know, I don't think you want to tell
the parachute story, Frank. Everyone

knows where it's going after the first
sentence.

Oh, God, not the Heather Locklear story.

Oh, boy, we're dragging out all the old
chestnuts tonight.

Actually, Miss Brown, you're not
supposed to touch the cards. Sorry.

I don't know if we'll be able to fit it
in, but I brought my saxophone.

Looks like it worked for Bill Clinton,
right?

Dave doesn't want to have any musical
instruments on the show this month, but

it's great that you play.

Now, is there anything else that you
need to know?

Well, not that I'm worried, but...

How's Dave feeling tonight?

Dave is in a great mood, and he's really
looking forward to talking with you.

Oh, good. Listen, I wonder if I could
say hello to him before the show. You

know, just touch base.

Actually, Dave doesn't like to talk to
his guests before airtime. He feels it

hurts the spontaneity of the show. When
I did the Tonight Show, Ed McMahon

stopped by my dressing room before the
show to say hello.

Murph, it's okay.

Yeah, it's okay, but it's not Johnny.

Caroline? Hi, Terry. How are you? Oh,
I'm fine.

You didn't plan for tonight something
that I don't know about?

Because I was taking a shower in my
dressing room.

This is weird, and I had the strangest
feeling that somebody was watching me.

No, as far as I know, there's nothing
planned.

Oh. So if somebody was watching me, it
wasn't for the show.

Okay, well, it's a comfort.

It's Terry Garr.

You realize what this means? It's going
to be a great show. It's always a great

show when Terry's on.

Hi. I'm Terry Garth. Frank Fontana. It's
a real pleasure to meet you. Boy, I saw

you out on that ledge. What an
incredible story. It was originally my

gave it to him. Good to see you, Murphy
Brown.

Oh, nice to meet you, Murphy.

Boy, I can't believe you fell that far.
You are really... You've got guts.

A few more feet to the right or left and
we all would have seen them.

That's funny.

Anyway, Terry, I... I guess after
tonight, we're both going to be

alumni, huh?

Looks that way.

But what were you feeling when that
followed? You know, Jerry, I can't get

it, but I have never been a guest on
this show.

Doesn't that seem a little odd to you?

Yeah, I wonder where that is.

Oh, I know.

Oh, no, I'm wrong.

Something else.

What? Oh, nothing. I just, um... I
thought I remembered Dave saying

about you, but I think he must have been
kidding.

You should be on this show.

fun.

Well, I'm sure it's fun, but it's no
Tonight Show with Johnny, am I right?

Oh, I don't know. Ed McMahon kept asking
me to be a judge on Star Search.

It got kind of uncomfortable, you know?

Hannah, let's get you into makeup.

You have got about ten minutes. Can I
get you anything?

Do you have any bottled water? In the
fridge under the table.

Nice guy.

Oh, he's great.

You know, I loved you in that movie you
did with Al Pacino. What was that?

Al Pacino?

I didn't do anything. Oh, no, sorry.

My mistake, it wasn't you. It was Ellen
Barkin.

Oh. Well, I could see where you would,
um... Ellen and I both are blondes.

It's a common mistake.

She's very good.

Boy, where did I hear your name
recently? It'll drive me crazy if I

remember. Maybe it was Ellen Barkin's
name.

Oh, I know. It was one of the guys on
our crew.

That's right. It was one of our grips.

He did the last movie. Did it with
something in Portugal?

Grip?

Really? What was his name?

Brian.

Sanders. Brian Sanders.

Uh -huh.

Boy, he is always talking about that job
in Portugal.

Word on the stage has it that he got
involved in some steamy thing with one

the actresses on the project.

Then when they wrapped up filming, he
told me he had to go back to his wife.

The actress flipped out.

Seems like the jerk didn't tell her he
was married. It's typical, huh?

You know, sometimes when an actress is
on location, away from home, vulnerable,

and someone offers her a little
kindness, you know, maybe offers to

clogged sink in her trailer or
something, she thinks that it means the

her.

idea. I'm so sorry. And then there's the
time difference. You know, for the

first couple of days, you don't even
know where you are.

Have you ever had Portuguese wine?

It's very strong.

Okay, Terry, let's get you backstage and
in place.

What's wrong?

Nothing. Allergies?

It's probably the birds.

You might want to tell Frau Bucher it's
time to change the table.

Come on, Terry.

Hey, Terry, have a good one.

And when they brought Pinky out, and
this is the funny part, I had asked for

clear nail polish.

And, oh, God, this is a stupid story.

I'm thinking, I'm sorry, Dave, I can't
do it. I just can't be all cute and

or whatever. I just can't.

Do you mind if I just sit here?

Talk about your lead balloon.

Way to go, Jerry.

Way to get the show off on the right
foot.

All I have to do is get past the first
joke.

Just get through the first joke, and
it's smooth sailing.

Hey, I've got an idea. Why don't you run
that first joke by me? I'm a great

audience. You could give a little
practice.

No, I don't think so.

No, no, no, really. I am an easy laugh.

Go on.

Well, okay. I come out, and then after
the applause, I say, uh...

Well, looks like the Prince Charles
-Princess Di breakup is being handled

much like any other couples.

She's being awarded child custody, and
the prince is being given monthly moat

privileges.

Really? That's really funny. Oh, thank
you very much. It's even funnier than

when Leno told it the other night.

What? He, um, he did my joke?

Well, it wasn't exactly your joke, but
it was something about Prince Charles

-Princess Diane.

the breakup custody, the moat. But it
wasn't exactly the same.

Are you kidding?

That's my big joke.

Leonard did my joke.

I'm sure it wasn't the same joke. It was
probably nothing like it. Right, Murph?

No, it was pretty close.

Leonard did my joke.

I can't go on national television and
tell a moat joke Leonard told.

People think I stole it. Oh, my God.

I used the word moat.

when these two rabbis walk... All right,
everybody, slight change of plans. The

audience seems to need a jump start. So,
Mr. Fontana, we're going to push you

back into the third spot, and, John,
you'll be going out next. Oh, my God!

Are you sure I shouldn't get out there
first? This will be better. We ship

things around all the time. John, why
don't you come with me?

I'm dead.

I'm a dead man.

Oh, you'll be fine. You've got that
great moat joke.

Come on, after that, everything's gravy.

This kid, he's gonna kill.

He's not doing too well, is he?

Well, it's not that bad. Turn up the
sound. It is up.

Wow.

How am I supposed to follow that?

Nice going, Murph. You just ruined that
kid's debut. I hope you know that. Me?

What did I do? I just tried to help him
avoid a pitfall.

Besides, these young performers work
best under pressure.

Should he be doubled over like that?

Okay, everyone, another change of plans.
We don't seem to be having a lot of

luck with our human guests. So, Mrs.
Kobolak, if you and the birds are going

next... Excuse me, the birds are next?
Don't worry. Once everything is back on

an even keel, you'll be out next.

I'll send the stagehands in to get the
cages.

Murph, stay away from the birds.

I'm not taking any chances. A few
minutes near you, they'll fly out into

studio and peck out Paul Schaefer's
eyes.

Why, I'll sit here and say a word.

Tell me, when these birds get too old to
perform, will you eat them?

This is a nightmare.

I am supposed to be out there right now.
You hear those laughs? Those are my

laughs.

Excuse me.

How was I supposed to know comedians
need to be handled with kid gloves?

How was I supposed to know Terry Garr
had a problem with one of our grips?

What?

What did you say to her?

You're the one who sent Terry into the
dumper?

What is the matter with you? What is
your problem?

Okay, you're getting worked up now.

Come here. Come here. Take a look at
this.

Oh.

Looks like Maria just had a little
accident on the fire escape.

You know, you're right.

This isn't your fault. It's my fault. I
should have listened to that little

voice in my head. When I asked you to
come to New York, it said, don't do it,

Frankie. She'll screw it up for you,
Frankie.

Did it ever occur to you that this might
be important to me? That this might be

an opportunity for me to be funny and
clever in front of an audience?

All I wanted was a little support. And
look what happens.

On the closing act...

of cockatiel and stiletto pumps.

Well, go ahead. Make a joke. Come up
with some excuse like you always do.

I can't.

Because you're right.

You know, I have a little voice inside
me, too.

And where there's a spotlight, it starts
telling me to get in it.

I swear to you, Frank, I don't do it on
purpose.

I wish I could tell you that it'll never
happen again.

But I don't want to lie to you.

If I could change this, I think I would
have done it by now. So what am I

supposed to do?

Forgive me.

Because I'm not perfect.

Because I'm your best friend.

Because I'm the only person you know who
will go to your ex -girlfriend's

weddings with you and tell them you're
the greatest lover I've ever had.

It is not going to work this time,
Murphy. This time, I've had it with you.

Geez, Frank, you don't really mean that,
do you?

Yes, I do.

For at least the next hour.

Mr. Fontana, I am so sorry, but Dave
loved the West Side Story bit so much,

letting the birds do les mis.

I'm afraid we're not going to have time
for you tonight.

Oh, man.

Hold it just one minute. No, no, no, I
want to say something.

Maybe you aren't aware of this, but Mr.
Fontana is a very well -respected

newsman who is charming and funny and
not afraid to leap off a building. You

not bump a man like this off the show.
Now, what are we going to do about it?

Well, we might have enough time for Mr.
Fontana to go out and wave to the crowd.

Maybe I didn't make myself clear.

Frank Fontana does not wave.

You do not throw this man a bone.

He is a man of respect, a man of
integrity.

He is not about to be humiliated like
that. I want to wave.

Frank, it's a wave. It's nothing.

I don't care. My parents are going to be
watching the show tonight. It's the

first time they've stayed up past ten
since Hollywood Palace went off the air.

We're running out of time, Mr.

Fontana. What would you like to do?

You're right, Murph. A wave is
humiliating.

I am better than that.

You're absolutely right.

Frank Fontana does not wave.

I'm sorry.

Thanks. We'll have him back real soon.

Thank you very much. My apologies.

Good night, America.

I can't believe I waved.

What's wrong with me?

Oh, come on, Frank. It's not that bad.

Some people, a wave on Letterman is a
very big deal.

Oh, I guess so.

You've never done it.

Don't push it, okay?

So, how about I take you to dinner?

And if you want to work on that wave
some more, I'll let you hail a cab.

Hey, I know you.

You're that woman.

Yeah, you're, uh... Me?

Yeah. I'm Frank Fontana's friend.

Yeah, that's it.

Who the hell is Frank Fontana?

People say Murphy Brown captured the 90s
zeitgeist. What does that mean to you?

That means a lot. Look, we tapped
into... No, no, I'm sorry. The word

Do you have any idea what it means?

Oh, no, no, no, no.