Original subtitles

I look at you, I can feel the love that you took me out

of my world. I woke up, suddenly I just woke up, and I happened,

when you found me, that's the love that you should be having.

Thank you.

Yeah,

it's quite a movie.

I thought they did a fine job with the... They really captured the spirit

Oh, good Lord, what a humongous piece of dough.

That was the worst experience I've ever had in a movie.

And that includes the time I took Jodie Brockleman to see Saturday Night Fever

and spent two hours mistakenly fobbling her eyeglass case.

It was agony.

Halfway through, I tried to pry the armrest off my chair so I could use it

beat myself senseless.

The casting? How about kindly Uncle Johan blinded in a freak glass -blowing

accident? I'm sorry, but Mel Gibson... You know, Will and Corky are going to be

here in a second. We have to think of what we're going to say to them. No

problem. I'm just going to go with my usual, it touched me in a very personal

way. Yeah, it touched me mostly in my lower intestinal tract.

It was very faithful to the book. I hated the book, too.

You're using up all the good ones. What am I supposed to talk about?

Costumes? Don't.

What about cinematography? That's good. That always works.

Hey, everybody.

So, how was the picture?

The cinematography was great. That bad, huh?

Was I that obvious?

No, I just have a sense about these things.

Plus, sisful neighbors are in the men's room taking turns doing the dry -heave

ballet.

Well, I, for one, have too much integrity to lie. When Will comes, I'm

tell him exactly what I thought.

Touched me in a very personal way.

Thanks, Frank. Appreciate that. What did you think, Murphy?

Oh, well, I'd have to say it touched me, too.

Actually, it touched me first.

Aren't you going to tell them what happened?

Oh, all right. You're going to find out soon enough anyway.

I'm being sued for plagiarism. What? Are you kidding? You mean someone else

wants to take credit for that perfectly wonderful piece of work?

They served us with the papers right in front of the theater.

Apparently... Apparently some guy is saying he wrote a book just like Will's

years ago. It's ridiculous. My book is about a little Dutch boy and his horse

and the part they played in the American Revolution.

This other guy's book is about a little Norwegian boy and his donkey and the

part they played in the French Revolution.

It's like they pulled this stuff out of thin air, isn't it?

No, honey, don't upset yourself.

Things will work out, and whatever happens, we'll face it together.

Okay, I guess so. I just had to get it out of my system, but I'm okay now.

That's my Bunny Buntster.

Let's enjoy your party. Everyone, I'd like to make a toast to the one and only

writer of The Little Dutch Boy.

Oh, that's my glass, Will. Oh, your glass.

Oh, I suppose I stole that, too.

Well, why don't you go ahead and sue me?

Here's a fun fact.

In the movie, Mel Gibson did all his own glassblowing.

They said it wouldn't go to trial. All of a sudden, we're in a room with gavels

and flags and a big tall judge's chair, and I don't think that's a very good

sign.

First, it's not a trial. It's a hearing.

So, let's all smile.

Explanation, innocent people smile.

Now, their side's going to try and prove substantial similarity between books.

Standard just cause. In copyright infringement cases, I've seen it a

times, which is why we're... Smiley.

Hey, you have to help us. My husband's too pretty to go to jail.

Corky, honey, this is a civil suit.

And that means the worst that can happen is we lose everything we own.

Good.

John. I didn't steal the book, but how do I prove that? I used to be a lawyer.

know how hard it is to prove the negative.

You want to know my plan?

You. You're my plan.

We put you up on the stand, a clean -cut kid with a pretty young wife. Who do

you think the judge is going to believe, huh?

You? Or some slimy opportunistic scam artist?

Do please excuse me.

Is either of you young gentlemen Will Forrest? I'm Will Forrest.

Oh, hello.

I'm Alan Brookins.

I'm the fellow who's suing you.

I didn't steal anything from you, sir. I want you to know that. I'm sure you

didn't do it on purpose.

Perhaps your mother read my book to you when you were a little child.

And we're still smiling.

My wife was always reading that book to all the children in the neighborhood.

We couldn't have young ones of our own.

And so we thought of Olaf. That's the little Norwegian boy in the book.

That's our child.

She loved to read that story.

She was reading it the night the angels came to take her away.

Oh, you poor man.

Corky.

Well, I don't want to bore you with an old man's ramblings.

I have taffy if anyone wants a sweet.

You're not smiling.

All right, Corky, what's on your mind? You've been real quiet since we left the

court house.

It's nothing.

I'm just wondering why that sweet old man... Corky, would you please stop

calling him that? It sounds like you're on his side. I'm not. You took his

taffy. I didn't do that. I was just being polite. Oh, I think you took care

that when you ran out during the recess to get him a tube of deep heating rub.

Look, if you're having your doubts, maybe you shouldn't come to the

tomorrow. No, no, no.

I'll be there.

I've waited this long for us to have a normal life. What's another day?

Or week?

Or month? Or year?

Hold on.

You wouldn't get your normal life. I've been feeling more than enough pressure

these days, Corky, without you adding to it, if you don't mind.

You're feeling pressure?

I'm the one Maury Povich is calling the little...

Love you, too.

Hello.

Uh,

Corky.

So, how did things go in court today?

Oh, fine.

Looks like they have a pretty good case against us. Could drag on for months.

And if the old man decides to super punitive damages, I could be held

financially liable.

Other than that, I really think the trial is bringing Will and me closer.

Corky, it's okay. We heard everything from the ninth floor up.

God.

Everybody knows we're never going to win this case.

Conan's in his horse.

Olaf in his mule.

It's the same book.

Just different names, countries, and pets you can ride.

You know, my husband hasn't touched me in over five months.

Really? Could you call Doris and tell her that? She seems to think it's

I don't know what to say, but if you're having a personal problem, maybe you

should talk to someone about it.

I guess I could talk to Murphy.

Well, okay.

I was thinking more along the lines of a nurturing, caring person.

Since Murphy's right here.

Couldn't hurt.

Murphy, I... Murphy!

Were you hiding from me?

Hiding? Don't be ridiculous.

I was checking my door hinges.

Did you get the company memo? There have been spontaneous hinge failures all

over the building. Please, I need your help.

No, no, no, you don't. You just look for metal files... Murphy, I'm serious.

My whole world is falling apart.

Sit down. We'll give it a shot.

But I'm just going to caution you. There are some areas I'm not very good in.

Murphy, do you know I haven't been with my husband in a womanly way for over

five months? Okay, we have a flag down.

And he mentions your sex life is out of bounds. I'm sorry, but those are the

rules. Continue.

I don't know what's going to happen.

Will doesn't have any way to prove he didn't steal that book.

It's his word against the old man's.

I know he wrote that book.

All those nights he didn't come to bed.

Ah, there's that area again.

I remember what he went through.

Every night I'd be up writing in my journal and there was always something

that stupid book in there. Wait a minute. You wrote about what he was

every night?

Except for when Someone Good was on The Tonight Show.

I wrote just about every night.

Do you realize what you're saying?

You charted out the creative process Will went through.

If you offer it as evidence, you could be looking at a dismissal. I can't read

my journal in front of a room full of strangers.

It's full of intimate thoughts and feelings.

Secrets, poems, a record of my monthly water weight gain.

Oh, come on, Cordy. I finally give you a great piece of advice. Are you telling

me you're going to ignore it?

Murphy, I just can't do it.

Maybe everything will turn out okay.

Maybe this sweet old man will decide to drop the lawsuit.

Maybe you'll just choke on a piece of taffy.

All right, everybody, I have an announcement to make.

As of this moment, I, Murphy Brown, have given my last piece of advice.

My wife always... I've always loved reading my book, Your

Honor. In fact, she was reading it the night that the angels came to take her

away.

God, he's good.

Why did I bring any clients like that?

Hey,

guys, we decided to come down to give you a little moral support.

I was in the building anyway, taking care of some things, paying some parking

tickets, renewing my fishing license.

I'm telling you, it's bass season.

And since I have no other heirs, I've bequeathed all my profits from the book

the Greater Baltimore Boys Home in memory of little Olaf.

The son we never had.

Ouch.

Thank you, Mr. Brookins, for that touching...

A heartfelt testimony. You may step down.

Well, I didn't really want to be a writer that much anyway.

I guess I could always go back to being a lawyer.

Or I could throw myself in front of a train and the angels will come and take

away.

Mr. Brophy, if you have nothing further... Your Honor, I move that we

one minute while I talk with my husband.

Corky, what are you doing?

I kept a journal, Will.

I wrote in it every night while you were working on your book. You did?

Uh -huh.

I wrote about when you got the original idea, when you finished each of the

chapters. Smile, boys and girls. We're back in business.

Honey, just so you know, you'll probably be surprised by some of the more

personal thoughts. I don't care. I don't care. Whatever it is, I don't care. If

it please the court, I have new evidence to present.

This is from February 12, 1991.

Dear diary, cloudy and damp, or the white silk black...

I like to keep track.

Will is still trying to find the right idea for his great American novel.

Last week, it was going to be about a small Texas town where Jesus returns to

Earth as a member of a highway department road crew.

It was a miracle involving asphalt.

Tonight, he's talking about a Dutch boy who plays a part in the American

Revolution.

I thought Will was a bright guy, but I'm beginning to wonder.

I'm sorry, honey. I guess I was just a little tired that night.

P .S. Remember to bring wrinkle cream to work.

Frank asked about it again today.

Who's Frank?

Oh, don't.

Oh, Frank Fontana. That's him right over there.

Don't scrunch up your face, Frank. It makes those lines around your eyes even

worse.

Let's skip ahead to August of that year.

August 14th. Dear diary.

Light rain.

Gray Donna Karan.

Murphy outdid herself today.

She dropped a quarter under one of the vending machines and made three guys

it so she could get it back.

With all the money she makes... She is probably the cheapest person I have ever

known.

With the exception of Jim.

It's three in the morning, and Will is still in the den typing.

I'm alone again.

Naturally.

I miss him so much, but at the same time, I'm so angry.

He touches his typewriter more than he touches me.

Let's move on to January of this year.

January the 9th. Snow and wind, Liz Claiborne, wool jacket and skirt.

Had lunch with Miles and Audrey this afternoon.

When Miles was in the little boy's room, Audrey told me about a game he likes to

play when they make love called the insatiable Jewish stranger from out of

Which one's Miles?

I should have been happy for him, but I couldn't find it in myself.

I can't believe how much I hate that bleeping little Dutch kid.

How much I hate his bleeping, blind, glass -blowing Uncle Johan.

And how bleeping much I hate that bleeping horse.

Mrs. Sherwood Forrest, if your diary is going to be entered as evidence, you'll

have to read it as you wrote it, expletives included.

I am reading what I wrote.

I hate that bleeping little... She's right.

And so, having heard the arduous, tortured road that Mr. Forrest traveled

create his book, our every word was labored over in an almost maniacal

I find it inconceivable that this work could have ever been plagiarized. This

case is dismissed.

Congratulations, Will.

I told you I was innocent.

I know. How about that?

Keep an eye on this one. Looks like she might be the writer of the family, huh?

Goodbye.

I'm sorry if I hurt anyone's feelings.

Jim, when I read that part about your breath, it was just that one day you had

gumbo for lunch. I think we all heard a few things we'd rather not hear, but it

was the truth, and sometimes the truth is ugly.

And apparently, so was the outfit I wore on June 10th of this year.

Look, we should get going. I'm sure you two have a lot to talk about.

Not that you have to talk. I mean, really, nothing happened here to make us

think, gee, they really have to start talking about things.

Congratulations.

One time, one time, I pretended to be Meyer, the rabbinical student.

I should be running along, too. I saw a dime in the sewer grate outside the

courthouse, and I want to get to it before Jim does.

Uh, you know, now that everything's settled, it might be a good time to wipe

slate clean and get a fresh start.

I think that's the best advice I ever gave anyone.

You don't have to apologize. I felt the same way at times, alone and needing a

little support when you were working or out of town.

You know, we're forgetting something pretty important here.

This diary was just about the bad times.

There have been a lot of good times these past two years.

Oh, that's right.

Since we got married, life's been pretty amazing.

I got my book published.

I delivered the commencement address at Eastern Louisiana University. I wrote my

screenplay. I hosted the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. All those good

And we enjoy them without each other.

There were me good times and you good times, but no us good times. Okay,

so we start now.

Us good times only?

How?

With you working in California and me here?

It's like Murphy said.

We have a chance to wipe the slate clean and make a fresh start.

I'm just not sure if it's a fresh start together.

Why can't we get this right?

Why don't we get to grow old together and have a dozen grandchildren and die

each other's arms?

Because we both want too much.

Look, I don't want to decide anything right now. Maybe we should just spend a

little time apart and see how we feel.

Why not?

It's worked so far.

I love you, Corky.

November 30th.

Partly cloudy, gray suit,

striped blouse.

Will one case in court today be...

It was a mystery why the mullet was ever invented, until now.

If you cut your hair shorter in the front, and let it grow a little in the

your neck would look longer.

Of course, the elongated neck theorem. Genius!