Original subtitles

Well, I see your point, Mr. Baldwin, and I have to say... Miles, please.

I may be a network BP, but I think we can drop this Mr. Baldwin business. And

here on in, why don't we do this on a first -name basis?

Well, thank you.

It means a lot to know you think of me as equal.

Mitch.

It's Mitchell.

Of course.

Mitchell. What was I thinking?

You're not a Mitch. I went to school with a Mitch. He was a short, fat Jewish

kid.

You're tall.

and thin and probably not Jewish.

All right, everybody, listen up. When I left last night, Babar was holding a big

fuzzy peanut in his trunk. It was a gift from Rosalind Carter to my son,

Franklin Delano Brown.

Now, I'm going to put him on this desk, and if Babar isn't sucking on that shell

by 5 o 'clock tonight, somebody better be prepared to kiss their goobers

goodbye.

Uh, Murphy, if I can tear you away from this major investigation?

Sure, Mitchell. What's up? You called him Mitchell? Oh, yeah. What else am I

going to call him? Mitch?

Morning, guys. Hi, Mitchell.

Morning,

Mitchell.

Frank, you should hear this, too.

As you may know, I'm overseeing the network's new overnight news show. We

very excited about this. We want to get the public excited as well. That's why I

want your help.

Miles, I could use your input here.

Really? My input?

Of course.

Now, here's the concept. Starting at 2 a .m., we're going to have three hours of

in -depth features, weather, sports, and a viewer call -in segment.

Now, the challenge is, how do we get our show to stand out from the competition?

It seems... Got it.

We push the fact that the show originates in Washington.

News from the news capital.

It's an interesting thought, Miles, but I don't think so.

Anyway... Okay, okay. How about we go casual? Really hit that late -night

feeling? Loose tie, rolled -up sleeves.

Intriguing. But no.

What I've been considering is using star power to kick off the first week. A

different team with well -known anchors each night. Well, Mitchell, that's one

way of going, but... Actually, that is the way we're going.

But I like the fact that you kept swinging. Remember, it only takes one

every three at -bats to make it to the Hall of Fame.

That's right, Miles, and as of now, you're 0 for 2. And there's talk of

you to the Cubs for a producer to be named later.

So can we just move things along here?

Absolutely. We've lined up some of our best people, but for our first show, I

want our 18.

Murphy Brown, Frank Fontana. Me?

You want me to be an anchor?

That's very flattering, Mitchell, but I'm still playing catch -up from my

maternity leave, so I'm going to have to pass.

He wants me to be an anchor.

And there's nothing I can do to change your mind.

Change my mind?

You know, that's a concept I never really grasped. Now, if you'll excuse

Laura and I have work to do.

Well, this is a disappointment.

Yeah, it won't be the same without her. Do I get my own desk?

Actually, Frank, I'm afraid the concept was for a team. Oh, well, that's okay. I

can work with anyone.

Well, all right.

Not anyone. I draw the line at Gene Shallott. I hear he clipped his nails

commercial breaks. Katie Corrick told me she almost lost an eye.

Well, I'm sorry, Frank.

Looks like they have to do a major rethink. Miles, I'm going to need your

on this one. Oh, God. Excuse me?

I said, oh, good.

Really, it sounded like, oh, God.

It was.

Oh, God is good.

It's part of an old Hebrew prayer.

Oh, God is good. God is great.

Thanks for this food that's on my plate.

Hey, Murph.

Did you believe Baldwin?

Trying to make us his opening night shills. I'm not doing it, Frank. Oh,

on, Murph. I need this.

It's important to me. It's my chance to show the network I have what it takes to

carry a whole show.

Besides, you and me together, it'll be fun.

You want fun?

Send Dan Quayle a Where's Waldo book, then stand back and watch his head

explode.

It's just one night. Is that so much to ask after 16 incredibly close years of

friendship?

You know, you and I are almost the same size. If you ever need a lung or a

kidney, I'm willing to sign something for you right now.

Boy, a little more snow in here, we could go tobogganing.

All right, all right. I understand.

I don't want to ask you to do something you're just not up to anymore.

What's that supposed to mean? Oh, it's okay, Murph, really. Motherhood.

can take a lot out of a person. So you've lost a step or two that is

you to be ashamed of. Don't do this to me, Frank. And I want you to know that I

don't think any less of you. Just because the old Murph would have done it

doesn't mean... I hate you, Frank. So you'll do it? Yes. But you owe me. You

me big. Yeah, sure. Anything you want. Listen, I gotta get to Bolton before we

find somebody else.

I mean it, Frank.

And I'm not waiting until I get sick. I want that kidney in my fridge tonight.

I think we should start off with a report from Sarajevo, then we go

the Economic Summit report.

What do you think?

Frank, it's 1 .57 in the morning. At this hour, I don't think. I either sleep

change diapers. So unless you've had a little accident, I don't want to hear

about it.

Murph, would you show a little energy here? We're anchoring the premiere of a

new show. This is exciting.

Excuse me, guys.

I just want to say how proud we are to be part of a team. I know you all feel

the same way.

So let's get out there tonight and have a killer show. Yeah. Get off my cable.

I'm sorry.

Anyway, great show tonight, guys.

Oh, God.

They hit me already.

Okay, people.

Three minutes to air.

Buzz Ramsey, the director. Frank Fontana, the anchor.

This is pretty exciting, isn't it? The kickoff episode of what could become

television history.

I'm here. I'm awake.

Don't push it.

And don't talk to me about television history.

I used to be at the top of this business.

Chet Huntley's golden boy, they called me.

Remember goodnight, David? Goodnight, Chet. That was mine.

Now, look at me. I'm on opposite Talmud Talk with Rabbi Dave on public access.

But, hey, this could be the start of something really big for you. Look at

Nightline. You're a very chippy young man.

Give it a rest.

Let's get this thing over with. We got three hours to kill.

Breaking stories at the top of the hour, yada, yada, yada, yada.

Features, yada, yada, yada, yada. You take some phone calls.

Who's doing the weather report? You? Oh, yeah, right.

And then I'm going to demonstrate how to make wreaths out of common garden

succulent.

No, no problem. I'll do the weather.

Well, I'm gratified.

Sports updates once an hour.

I can do that. A local station breaks every 15 minutes. I'll introduce them.

Aren't you the busy beeper?

If that's all settled, I'd just like to double check something on the freedom of

speech piece right there. I have two different tapes. The longer one runs in

first hour. Will you remember that? Gee, after 40 years in this business, I hope

I don't get mixed up.

I'm going to walk to the booth now.

Okay?

Left foot, right foot, left foot.

Music in 5, 4, 3, 2... Good morning, I'm Murphy Brown. And I'm Frank Fontana.

Welcome to the first edition of Overnight News.

And though the question remains, at what point does the right to free expression

collide with one's obligation to be socially responsible?

Frank? Thanks, Murphy.

And in our next hour, we'll be taking your calls to discuss the issue of free

speech, as well as recapping the top stories. Stay with us.

We're clear.

This is really going well. Don't you think, Murph? I'm telling you, it's like

whole new world for me. Being out in front, running things. I love it. I

really love it.

Frank, pace yourself, will you? We've got two hours to go, and you're pumping

enough adrenaline to give a gazelle cardiac arrest.

Welcome back in five, four, three.

Welcome back. We're about to take off.

Freedom of speech.

How far is too far?

And our first call is from Dayton, Ohio.

You're on the air.

Yes, I believe that free speech is being hurt by an unfair judicial system.

I myself get called for jury duty at least once every six months.

And then they never pick me.

And on top of which, the parking is just terrible.

Well, that's very thought -provoking. Tonight we're discussing freedom of

speech. Oh, I know. I'm using my freedom of speech to talk about jury duty.

And you just did.

Massachusetts. You're on the air.

Yeah, I'd like to comment on the proposed seven -day waiting period to

handgun. What's the point?

After seven days, I'm not mad anymore.

Look, maybe I didn't make myself clear.

The topic tonight is freedom of speech.

Not jury duty, not gun control. Freedom of speech. I don't want to have to say

this again.

Uh, I don't mean to...

push you, sir, but would you mind getting to your question?

Yes, of course. I'm sorry.

Anyway, what would happen if you were on a plane that was about to crash and

just before it hit the ground, you jumped up as hard as you could?

Well, Roy from Pittsburgh, your head would probably rip through the roof with

such force that whatever brain cells you may have had would be picked up with

the stray luggage.

I see it's time for both our next commercial and your medication.

We'll be back after this.

Claire. What are you doing? You can't talk like that on the air. Why not?

it, Frank, it's 3 a .m. The only people watching us are just killing time till

the next commercial where that guy cuts his kid's hair with a vacuum cleaner.

Okay, okay, so we've had a few crackpots, but it's not like all the

that weird. Frank, do you really think we had a conversation with the Queen of

England?

Well... You've got to admit, his accent was pretty convincing.

Oh, man, listen to me. You were right, Murph. This is a nightmare.

My big chance to be an anchor. What the hell was I thinking?

I'm sorry I dragged you into this. Oh, Frank, it's not that bad.

After all, it's not every day we get to talk to a man who claims to have the

only Baskin -Robbins franchise on the lost continent of Atlantis.

I'm really excited out. Don't get me started. I'm punchy enough already.

back with weather in 15 seconds. All right, all right. Let's just get through

the rest of the show and try to escape with as much dignity as we can.

Oh, wow.

Look how big I am.

staying up with us on the Overnight News.

I'm Frank Fontana. It is 3 .28 a .m., and if you're just joining us, well,

the heck are you doing up at this hour?

Let's have another look at the weather. The Midwest is still, there it is,

feeling the effects of a record cold front.

Fergus Falls, Minnesota, had a record low of 5 degrees.

And I'll tell you, I bet in that kind of cold, when Fergus falls, he has a hard

time getting up.

Let's get back to the weather here.

Murphy, could you step over here and help me out with something? What? Just

on over here.

Just stand here like this.

Ladies and gentlemen, hands across America.

using peach slices for his little beak and blueberries for his eyes. Now, I

that the baby can't eat them, but they're visually stimulating.

Although, you know, now that I think about it, oh, gee, I hope he's not

traumatized watching us wolf down America's most beloved cartoon, Birdie.

Eldon, I worked till five this morning. I've only had 90 minutes sleep, so I

know you'll understand when I tell you I worked till five this morning!

Zero to cranky in 3 .2 seconds.

Why are you making breakfast?

Don't tell me we lost another nanny.

She called this morning.

From Las Vegas.

Now, apparently she's found employment in something called Nudes on Ice.

And speaking as someone who once accidentally walked into the kitchen

was rehearsing, I predict a very quiet box office.

We dine in ten minutes.

And put on a robe.

Hi,

Frank. We're having canaries for breakfast.

Interested?

I just watched the tape of last night's show and I think we might have gone a

little bit too far.

I can't believe we actually called the White House at four in the morning and

told them we were the Clintons' decorators and could we come over and

measurements?

I wasn't the one using the cheesy Italian accent, Mr.

Fabrizio of Georgetown.

Man, this was my one chance to show the network I had what it takes to be an

anchor.

Baldwin gave me a shot. I made a fool of myself.

Oh, come on, Frank. You don't have anything to prove to the network. They

you're an important part of FYI. Oh, yeah, yeah, part of the team.

You know, it's just like in high school when I went out for track.

I wanted to be a sprinter in the 100 -yard dash.

Everybody always watched the sprinters.

But Coach Jaworski put me in the two -mile relay.

I was the second man in a four -man race.

I didn't start. I didn't finish. I handed the baton to the guy who handed

baton to the guy who finished.

While I was running, most people went off to the snack bar.

Now, we thought, just once, I would like to be the guy in front. The one that

everybody watches.

You probably think this is really silly, don't you?

I don't think it's silly, Frank.

I think it's pathetic.

You have an exciting job you love. You won a Humboldt Award. You earned a ton

money. But you can't get past being the human tortoise 25 years ago. Okay, fine.

Let's just drop the whole thing. No, no, no, no, no. I just want to understand

this. So, because you weren't a sprinter, you want to be an anchor now.

You want to stop doing the brilliant field reporting you love and spend the

of your career stuck behind a desk saying things like, thanks for that

Bob. Is that what you're saying? No, that's what you're saying. What I'm

is... Oh, look, never mind. It doesn't matter. After what happened last night,

they're never going to give me another chance to anchor anyway.

Oh, stop wallowing, Frank. It wasn't that bad.

Oh, yeah? Well, um, maybe you didn't notice, but at about a quarter to five,

when you were doing your report on the Prime Minister of Australia, I hopped

across the set holding your purse in front of me like a pouch.

Yeah, right.

Really?

You mean you didn't watch?

Evans, no. I can't stay up that late.

You think I'm going to come to work with my face all puffy and bags under my

eyes looking like something a cat dragged in?

Sorry, Murphy.

I tried to tape it, but Doris gave me one of those automatic VCR programmers

our anniversary, and I must have pushed the wrong button because I ended up with

some show about impotence hosted by Lyle Waggoner.

Frank, I'll view it tonight. What?

Oh, I'm sorry, Jim. I didn't get a chance to tape it. Oh, sure, Frank.

If he doesn't want us to see it, it probably means something really bad

happened. Tim, go get a copy of the overnight newsroom video.

Everyone, screening in my office in ten minutes.

I'm doomed.

I see.

That's an interesting concept, Miles.

Murphy, Frank, I thought you'd be catching up on your sleep after last

Well, you know us. Always on the job.

I guess you didn't see the show last night. Oh, I saw it. All three hours,

beginning to end.

Start to finish.

Did you see it, Miles?

Well, as a matter of fact, I did catch the first hour.

Good. What'd you think? I like your input.

My input?

Well, I could try to guess what you want to hear.

50 -50 chance of being right.

But I'm not going to do that.

I'm going to tell you what I actually thought, no matter what.

I thought it was good.

I agree.

You do?

The first hour was very good. I just wish you'd seen the rest of it. Well, I

didn't, which means I couldn't possibly have an opinion on it, which means I'm

walking away a winner!

He's a good man, but high -strung.

Like a dog that's been beaten by a previous owner.

About those last two hours.

Mitchell, what happened on the air last night was mostly my fault.

It was late. I got punchy. So if there are any repercussions, I should be the

one to deal with them. No, wait, Murph. I can't let you take all the blame.

I probably should have tried harder to stop her.

As I was saying, the first hour was very good.

And the rest of it...

Got a terrific audience response.

You're kidding. What?

We made a mistake. We went in with the show that was too serious for that time

slot. You showed us that people want a little irreverence and unpredictability

at that time of night.

So you liked it? Me? No.

I've never been a big fan of kangaroo imitations, Frank.

But you can't argue with ratings, so we're going to revamp the format of the

show and try to incorporate more of that unstructured freewheeling spirit that

you so deftly brought to the screen.

Oh, great, just what this country needs, more wacky news. You're interrupting,

Murph. You were talking about my freewheeling spirit?

Well, simply put, you have exactly the quality we wanted in the anchor for the

new overnight news.

Oh, wow.

Did you hear that, Murph?

Exactly the quality.

I've waited to hear something like that, and I always thought I'd know exactly

how I'd respond.

But now... I love my work.

And I'm proud of it, and I don't think I'd ever really be happy doing anything

else.

I guess the important thing was having it offered to me, but I'm afraid I'm

going to have to say no.

Well, that's a courageous decision, Frank. And you can't imagine how

disappointed I would be if I were actually offering you the job.

What?

I wasn't offering you the job, Frank.

You weren't offering me the job?

You already have a job on FYI. I just have to find a Frank Fontana type.

Someone a little cheaper.

Probably a little younger.

Well... How about that, Murph?

I just turned down a job I wasn't even offered.

The final kick -me sign on the butt that is my life.

Point is, you turned it down.

The old Frank would have jumped at that job.

You turned it down because you're happy with who you are. That's a real sign of

growth, Frank.

You're right.

Maybe I've got more self -esteem than I thought.

Maybe I don't need constant validation to feel good about myself anymore.

Maybe I am finally at the point in my life where I don't care what other

think. Hey, everybody.

I've got the tape. Oh, my God.

Tim. Tim, give me the tape.

Wait, wait, wait.

I'll give you $50, Tim.

We're live with the Bindle Beats. Catherine, what makes this season of

fatherhood new?

Then I said a bunny kitty. Then I went for a walk. Stop!

Fatherhood, the new season, starting this Tuesday night at 9 .30. Only on

at Night.