Original subtitles

I am Murphy Brown. You must be my... You're a new secretary, Lila Mays.

You're a busy woman, Miss Brown, so let's not waste time getting acquainted.

I'm a firm believer that efficiency is the keystone to any successful business

operation.

I couldn't agree with you more.

So, well, let me just give you these research files, and I'd like you to...

them and highlight any useful information.

No. Photocopy and distribute them.

File them. They go in the file drawer that's... In your desk.

In my desk.

On another floor. In a different building.

Over there. Just out of curiosity, what was your last job? I was a simultaneous

translator at the United Nations.

Hi, Corky.

Doris, hi. What are you doing here?

I was just over at the upholsterer, and I thought I'd run a few of these

swatches by Jim. They're for that antique mahogany footstool in his study.

I'm torn between the green chintz and the more durable canvas.

What do you think?

Gee, Doris, I'm afraid I don't have time. See, I have to get this to my

producer. Oh, oh, by all means.

Let's go. I love what you've done with your hair.

Really? I've worn it this way since the Carter administration.

Oh, you.

Hi, Doris.

What are you doing here?

Oh, hello, Frank. I just popped in to see Jim. We're reupholstering his

footstool. Oh, great, great. Look, I hate to be rude, but I am this close to

breaking a major Defense Department scandal. Oh, say no more, Frank. I'm a

newsman's wife. The news waits for no one. Right, right. Well, let's all get

together for dinner sometime soon. Oh, yes, that would be really nice.

Doris, hi.

Ooh, fancy napkins.

Actually, they're swatches. I'm holding that thought. Doris, Lila, we need to

return to... It saves the editing.

Books in the library.

Clothes that didn't fit.

Phone calls.

I'm working on a follow -up to my Iran -Contra story, so let's start with

Wyoming.

Yes, get me Casper Wyoming. Ask them if they're upset that Cheyenne got to be

the state capital, and when you're finished, get me Casper Weinberger on

phone.

Looks like you got your hands full today.

You should have seen me yesterday, editing a story, wolfing down a salad,

doing a phone interview with Boris Yeltsin all at the same time. Then the

nanny calls on the other line, frantic because she's mistakenly fed the last

bottle of breast milk to the cat next door.

At one point, things got so crazy, I wished the nanny luck with the Russian

economy and told Yeltsin I didn't have big enough breasts to nurse a Siamese.

Goodness, I guess I didn't realize how much more demanding your job would be

with the baby. You and me both. I guess I'm just one of those people who doesn't

feel alive unless they're challenged. Well, enough about me. What have you

up to? Oh, the usual.

Garden club, church choir.

In a couple of hours, I'll be defrosting a lamb shank.

I'll tell you, Jim, I think you should call me. All right. What are you doing

here?

That seems to be the question of the day.

I brought the swatches for the footstool. I've narrowed it down to two

Jim, if you'd like to make the final decision. Oh, well, now isn't really the

best time. Why don't we go over them tonight after dinner?

That's when I do the dishes.

After the dishes?

It's Thursday. After I do the dishes, I have to haul the trash cans out to the

curb.

You've only had to do that on the occasional Thursday when I haven't been

Why don't we discuss it tonight?

You want to discuss it tonight? We'll discuss it tonight.

In the meantime, I'll be at home trying to think up new and exciting ways to

keep the dog from drinking out of the toilet.

On the other hand, um, let's see, these, um... Ah, this blue fabric is handsome.

Blue clashes with the wallpaper I spent three weeks of my life picking out. Or

red, then. It's hard to visualize.

Oh, well, why don't I get down on all fours? We'll put the fabric on my back

see how that looks. Miles, pull that chair over here behind me and we'll

I don't want to.

Fine. Then I'll just take my little swatches and get out of everyone's way.

Here I go. A 49 -year -old woman with nothing better to do than chauffeur

around town.

Did you hear that?

49 years old.

A lot of spunk for 49.

I think I'll go tell her that.

So, what looks good?

Jim, if you decide you want to talk later, hombre de hombre.

I'm here.

Great. Just what he needs. Advice from Zorro.

Thank you, Murphy.

And while I'm at it, let me add my heartfelt gratitude to you for telling

she has a meaningless life. What? I never said that to Doris. I'd never tell

anyone their life was meaningless.

Oh, okay, that one time to Ed McMahon.

Hey, Jim, before you order, we're out of a couple of sets.

Should have heard it. Murphy this, Murphy that.

What a lovely way to spend a morning.

Standing in a parking garage while your wife tells you she feels empty, unhappy,

and unfulfilled. Maybe Doris needs a little affection.

Hey, Carl, to dinner.

Oh, right.

A nice piece of fish will make her forget her world is crumbling.

Is everything okay between you and Doris?

You know, in the boudoir?

Please.

Of course, things are fine.

At least, I assume they are. I mean...

Wouldn't I know if they were?

Not always.

For Pete's sake, aren't you amateurs? Step aside before somebody gets hurt.

Jim, it sounds to me like what the missus needs is to find her own

Yes, that's something Doris mentioned, that she doesn't know who she is. What

you know, Phil? What?

Looking at it from her side, it can't be easy. No career of her own. People only

seeing her as Mrs. Jim Bob.

In my opinion, she's in a rut and needs a change.

Ah, a rut. In other words, something brought on by a long -term situation

than a harmless comment by an innocent friend.

What kind of change are we talking about, Phil? Hey, I only identify the

problem.

The answer is I'd be running one of those fancy restaurants where the

who come in leave more than a crummy 4 % tip last night, Frank.

I'm sorry, Phil. I was in a hurry. Yeah, well, I'll try not to be in a hurry the

next time I'm cooking you pork.

This doesn't make any sense.

When Doris and I got married, we had an agreement.

I'd work and she'd take care of our home.

I know that may sound old -fashioned, but it worked for us. At least until

Jim. Even though you accuse me unfairly, I will break one of my most sacred

rules and give you some advice.

Now, it's pretty apparent Doris needs a change in her life.

You can fight that, or you can support her in whatever it is she wants to do

make it easy on yourself.

Oh, hell's bells.

Things have been fine with us for 30 years, and now this happened.

Why does life have to be such a roller coaster?

It's a beautiful day in our nation's capital.

Oh, nice belt, Frank.

Hi, Jim. Have a good weekend?

Delightful. Now, I know last week the situation with Doris had me a little on

edge, but you'll be pleased to hear that everything has turned out fine.

What'd you do, Jim? Bury her in the basement?

Quite humorous, Miles.

Actually, this past week, with my encouragement, she's looked into part

work, she's enrolled in a candle -making class, and she's taken up topiary.

Our front hedge is now cut in the shape of two elk locked in mortal combat.

This quest to fulfill herself is bringing her such joy. Well, of course

And let me just remind everyone it was my suggestion for Jim to support her and

stand behind her. And it's not just Doris who's reaping the benefits.

These new explorations of hers have opened up fresh new discussion between

new feelings.

Look what I bought her in support of her new identity.

Engraved note cards.

Very nice, Jim.

but read what they say.

Doris died.

Not Mrs. Jim died.

Doris died.

I think she'll be pleased.

Well, of course she will, because you supported her, as I advised you to.

I owe you a debt of gratitude, Slugger. Your advice was well taken.

Well, when you've lived life as fully as I have, you've become somewhat of a

guru of the human community. Oh, would you give me a rest, Doris?

Greetings, all.

Hey, Doris.

Doris, what a wonderful surprise. I have something for you.

And I have something for you. You know how in my quest to expand my horizons,

I've been looking for the perfect thing that says I'm Doris Dial and this is

what I'm all about?

I've finally decided.

Tuesday at the Cabernet Cabaret, Doris O 'Rourke.

Doris O 'Rourke?

Yes, it's my maiden name.

This is a flyer for a performance I'm putting together. I'm going to sing.

Sing? What do you mean, sing?

Words are going to come out of my mouth while music's playing.

There's this little cabaret on Connecticut Avenue. Tuesday night, they

local talent.

This is so exciting. I didn't know you were a singer, Doris. Well, never

professionally. Although I once was invited to audition for Johnny Mann's

Up and Cheer.

Unfortunately, it was the same week Jim and I went on our honeymoon to historic

Williamsburg. I guess there's always been a part of me that's wondered what

would have happened if I had taken that road.

Now, after a 30 -year detour, I'm going to find out.

I would love it if you'd all be there for me. No, Doris, these are all busy

people. I'm sure they don't have time to be there.

Fabulous. And I was thinking, after we could all get together for a little post

-theater party.

Doris, Doris, this singing in a public place with public people, we should

really talk about this.

But not now, dear. I have a mountain of things to do. How about tonight when I

get home? I'm going to be late, so heat up a lean cuisine.

Jim?

If it hadn't been for your support, I don't know if I'd had the courage to do

this.

Honey, wherever you found the strength to be so understanding, I just love you

for it.

Come

on,

Jim. We've waited long enough for him. We don't want to walk in late on Doris.

You go ahead. I think I forgot to lock my car. I think Jim's just a little

nervous about seeing Doris perform.

Are you a little nervous, Jim?

Are you a little nervous about seeing Doris Perthorne?

Yes, Jim.

That's an ugly color on you.

I'm sorry I'm late. I had to feed the baby and then I had to set up for

post -theater party.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, our next act is a singer all of us

here are very excited about.

And not because she lets us watch her get dressed.

Kidding aside, let's have a nice Ward Cabaret welcome for Miss Doris O

Thank you.

Once I built a railroad, made it run.

Once I built a railroad, now it's done.

Brother, can you spare a dime?

Once I built a tower to the sun, brick and

mortar and lime.

Once I built a tower, now it's done.

Brother, can you...

In khaki suits. Oh, gee, we look swell.

Wearing that yankty doodly dum.

Half a million boots.

don't you remember?

I'm your pal.

Oh, buddy.

Can you help me out here?

Wow. Doris Nile. Jim Doris.

Wow. I know. I had no idea she was so...

Next number is 3141 South Bedford Avenue. Now, are you coming home with me

not?

My audience wants another number.

He's pretty upset. I'd better go talk to him.

And now I'm going to let loose and shake things up a bit.

Right after this.

I'd have to say, to put it in the performer's vernacular, I killed big

Although at first it seemed to me that the audience seemed a bit tentative.

do you think, Frank?

Well, at first I was a little tentative. I listened right up.

Approximately when during my performance did that happen? Pretty much the same

time you did.

And how about you, Miles?

Oh, well, it happened a little later for me.

I think it was when you did the split during Ave Maria.

Totally spontaneous.

I was just consumed by the moment. So you said earlier. And speaking of

consumed, there's one last piece of cake. I believe it's yours, Doris. Come

eat it and we'll call it a night. I am much too exhilarated to eat.

I suppose one trained in the workings of the human psyche might say that I don't

want to eat the last piece because I don't want this glorious evening to end.

When she sang Fever, oh.

But then she did that Is That All There Is thing. Wow, what was that all about?

Because she started talking in the middle of it.

You don't talk in the middle of your songs, do you?

Excuse me, I've got to say goodnight to the nanny. Can I say goodnight to her

tumor? Get your own nanny, Frank. This is Arnold.

Thank you for everything. You've been so good with the baby.

Oh, how could it be any other way with such a sweet child?

I'm so lucky to have finally found someone like you. Here, let me help you

with your coat. Oh, no, that's not necessary.

See what you've done?

You've ruined the surprise.

You see, I was just taking these out to be redicked.

Yeah, and I work part -time as a rodeo clown. Okay, just give me the silverware

and get out, okay?

Well, I guess if I'm not taking the silverware...

chosen to express myself through music. Or, as the poet Andrew Marvell called

it, the mosaic of the air.

All day!

Oh, the nanny just mentioned how late it is. 11 .20, can you believe it?

All good things have to come to an end.

You know what I've always wondered about?

Why is it you never see more guys playing the harp? Oh, well, Elton, for

most part... Can I talk to you for a second?

What are you doing, Ellen? I've been trying to break up this party for the

hour. Now you're just throwing logs on the Doris fire. Now just go.

Shoo, now.

You know, why is it whenever you want to get rid of a room full of people, I'm

the only one you have no problem being rude to?

It just shows how comfortable I feel with you.

Well, let's hope we never lose that.

Ellen. Hello.

Whatever you do, don't ask the redhead anything.

Eldon sends his apologies. He'll call you about that pressing harp question.

Well, being as the party is breaking up... Jim?

Doris?

Well,

you two probably have a lot to talk about, so don't feel you have to stay to

help me clean up. You can just go.

What is it you've come for, Jim? You've already missed the party.

Well, I've been driving around town thinking, and I've decided to forget all

about... tonight's unfortunate incident and we'll just put it behind us.

Which unfortunate incident would that be, Jim? The discovery that your wife

a mind of her own or that you are a self -centered, boorish oaf?

Well, better get some water on this, you know, Kate.

What you did on that stage tonight was inexcusable. Everyone was embarrassed

you. Weren't you, Murphy? Is that true, Murphy? Were you embarrassed?

Oh, gee, Doris, you know, I'm not much of a judge of what's embarrassing.

Don't forget, I'm the one who asked Yasser Arafat if his head rep was Ralph

Lauren or Wamsuda.

Oh, boy, look at this dry frosting. You can see what I'm up against.

You want to hear me say I'm sorry, don't you, Jim?

Well, I am sorry, but not for what I did tonight. I am proud that I got up there

and fulfilled my lifelong dream.

This is like cement.

Sorry about the noise.

Must make it pretty hard to talk in here.

Might be quieter out in the car, don't you think?

What I am sorry about is that after 30 years of totally supporting you, I found

that you couldn't even give me one night of my own.

I'll be back for the glasses.

What is it that's bothering you, Jim? What are you afraid of?

It's just that...

You've changed so much lately that I... I guess I'm afraid you won't want

me or need me anymore.

Jim, don't you know how happy you've made me this past week by standing

me and encouraging me?

When I'm happy, I only love you more.

Tell me, is this...

performing something you plan to do again?

I don't know. I might.

Was it really that difficult for you?

Wasn't there anything about my performance that you liked?

Well, I suppose if pressed, I could find a thing or two.

I'm pressing.

Once I built a railroad, made it run.

Made it race against time.

I found your neck to look quite appealing.

My neck?

Anything else?

Once I built a railroad.

I enjoyed your shoes.

I found them to be quite attractive on your shapely alabaster legs.

Brother, can you spare a dime?

May I take you home, Miss O 'Rourke?