Original subtitles

Hi, I'm Murphy Brown and... How are ya? I'm Rocky Road and it's great to be here

at FYI.

Nice suit, Murphy!

But I think you should have those shoulder pads lanced.

Last time I saw pads like that was on Joe Montana.

And what's the deal with women's hair today, you know? All these sprays and

foams and gels. You know, I told my girlfriend, I said, Hey, if you use any

mousse, you're gonna grow antlers.

Antlers!

I must have been Hitler in another life. Whoa, tough room.

Murphy, Frank, Jim, Corky, come, come, come. What's up?

Very big stuff.

This morning I got a call from a guy who says he has a video camcorder tape of

Senator Alan Taylor in a morally compromising position.

You're kidding.

Now, Miles, how could that be?

Senator Taylor is the spokesman for the League of American Decency. I know.

Oh.

Now, the guy's on his way over with the tape. Murphy, I want you to handle the

story. We're going to have to move fast to get it on tonight's show. Oh, come

on, Miles. You know these things don't usually pan out.

It'll probably be like that guy who said he had a tape of Marilyn Quayle running

naked in the Library of Congress.

I still think we should have at least looked at that. It could have been her.

She's been under a lot of stress.

I understand this.

I spoke with the man.

I did.

After almost four years, I still have to defend my journalistic instincts to

you, Murphy?

Well, yeah.

And here I am at FYI.

Oh, that's someone walking by me here at FYI. Mr. Smith? Yeah?

Miles Silverburst. Spoke to you on the phone.

Let me introduce the rest of our team. Right over here.

Joe Smith. This is Corky Sherwood -Forrest.

Jim Dial.

Senior Anchor. I'm... Hello.

Frank Fontana.

And this is Murphy Brown.

Okay, that's everyone. Don't want to run that battery down, do we?

This is really exciting.

Ellen made me promise I'd get you all on tape.

Ellen, that's my wife, wanted to make sure we have it to show everyone back in

Minnesota. My Ellen's a big fan of FYI.

She wanted to come and meet you, but she had to take the boys to the Air and

Space Museum.

Of course, at first, Tim and Tom, that's the boys, they wanted to go to Disney

World. But we all finally decided it was more important to see the nation's

capital than a bunch of big, silly characters.

Too bad you missed the Carter years. You're going to see them both.

So, this is the tape of Senator Taylor.

Oh, I got it right here.

You know, I never thought I'd use this camera.

I said to my wife, Ellen, Ellen, why do we need one? Why don't I cue that up,

Joe? We can use Murphy's office.

Just one question. Is his wife's name Ellen?

Okay, it's showtime.

I think I'll just stand here next to you, Miles. I want to get an

view of the Silberberg face as you watch what your journalistic instincts have

brought us.

Here we are at the George and Martha Motel in beautiful Virginia.

Oh, look, there's Senator Taylor now.

Gee, I remember him as being taller.

Well, no, that's my boy Tim, and that's my other boy Tom.

Don't you want to go to the museum?

That's right.

Ooh, tonight on FYI, child loses hat.

Twice? What a ratings grabber.

Good grief, that is Senator Taylor.

But that's not Mrs. Taylor.

I've seen his wife. She's a two -towel woman, maybe three.

Get off the kids! Get off the kids!

So that's it. What do you think?

Mr. Smith, would you be so kind as to wait outside for a few minutes while we

discuss the newsworthiness of this story?

Oh, sure, no problem.

Mr.

Smith. Right here.

Mr. Smith.

We've talked it over, and we've decided that we'd like to use your tape of

Senator Taylor on tonight's show.

Gee, I hate to cause trouble for the man.

But after all, he's a United States senator. He can't preach one thing and

go act a different way, right?

Oh, you said it. He definitely has it coming. Whistle was blown, fat's in the

fire, and the dish ran away with his food. Miles?

All we have to do is sign the release, and we can pay you.

Pay me?

Okay, well, the tape cost $4 .95 new, but I used about half.

So let's call it $2 even.

The standard fee is $1 ,000.

Wow! Wait till Ellen... And here's this.

It sure is nice of you. Oh, listen, Joe. It's going to take a while to work up

the paperwork, so why don't we go up to my office and relax?

I have to pick up Ellen and the boys in front of the museum in 15 minutes. Can I

come back later? Oh, sure, sure. What do you say about 12 .30?

Now, let's go and let Murphy work on our big blockbuster story.

Give me the research department.

Oh, Murphy.

You mentioned something earlier about wanting to see a certain Silverberg

Could this be the face?

Or is it maybe...

Hey, guys. Frank, what'd you get? The motel clerk couldn't ID the senator, but

he did say that the towel lady was a regular customer, if you get my drift.

I've got to call into her beeper now.

She's a hooker? The self -appointed spokesman for American Family Ideal took

hooker to a motel? Ooh, if I wake up now, I'll be very cranky.

Here's a release paper fresh from legal. All systems are go, go, go. Murphy, are

you coming on the story? It'll be close, but I think we'll make it. Yes, tonight

on FYI. A white -hot exclusive.

And tomorrow, every other news show will want to air the tape.

And all the other producers will have to call me.

Hello?

Yes, you may have it.

Hello?

No, not after you snubbed me at the Kennedy Center.

Hello? 60 Minutes?

Always pizzas in the ratings?

Let me put you on hold.

For about... Nine years?

There he is! My man!

My main man!

Yeah, I got everything all ready to sign. Here it is, the standard release.

sign it. There.

Right there.

There.

You aren't signing.

Why aren't you signing?

Gee, I don't know how to say this, but I stopped back at the motel for a few

minutes and there was a message.

Nightline called. Oh?

You see, this morning, I actually called them first.

I never mentioned it because they didn't call back.

Well, now they called back, and they asked about the tape, and they won it.

since, technically, I called them first.

Joe! Joey!

Josephi! It's a question of money. Well, match it, match it, Miles, match it.

Oh, no, it's not the money, and it's really not up to me. The whole family

vote. Well, let's call your whole lovely family at the motel and talk it over.

They're not at the motel. They're at the Nightline Studios.

They invited us down for a tour. Sent a limo and everything.

Plus, we got to meet Ted Koppel. Ellen was so impressed.

She's always been a big Nightline fan.

You said she was a big FYI fan.

Well, she's both.

Ted gave us the tour himself.

The boys really took to him.

When I left, he was giving them piggyback rides.

Ted really likes kids.

Murphy likes kids, too.

She's even having one. Want to feel her belly? Murphy, let her feel your belly.

There's a baby in there. I'd like to see Ted do that.

And I'll tell you something else about Ted.

Ted is... is... English.

Born in... England.

Bet you didn't know that.

Where's his accent?

What's he trying to hide?

You hear that?

You left the boys with a man with no accent.

And Ted... cheats at poker.

We had to ban him from our weekly game because we caught him hiding cards in

hair. I don't know.

Ted's been awfully nice to us. Joe, it's just not fair.

Ted got to meet your family? Yeah. I don't think you should vote until we

the pleasure of meeting your wife, Ellen, and your two boys, Tim and Ted.

Tim and Tom, Tom.

What do you say?

Well, fair is fair. I'll go get Ellen and the boys. Everybody, you go

and wait for our FYI luxury limo to pick you up. Then go get that wonderful

family and bring them back.

We want to meet them.

Because here at FYI, we are one big happy family as well.

The Minnesota State nickname, the North Star State. The State Bird, the Loon.

State Flower, Lady Slipper. Murphy, you're not paying attention.

That's because I still have a lot of work left to do on my story, and I think

that's a little more important than knowing that the State thought... as

Minnesota. Boy, I'd like to hear a few bars of that. What rhymes with

Lots of lakes where you can use your boater?

But it's not a take -getting attitude, Murphy.

Now, we need a strategy if we're going to come out on top. All right, leave the

boys to me. I've got three nephews, and they are crazy about their Uncle

Francis. Great, great.

That leaves Mr. Smith.

You guys notice the way Joe talked about how much she likes Cobble? Like she has

some sort of crush on him?

When she gets here, Jim, flirt with her.

Oh, certainly, Miles. But why stop there?

Why don't I take her right here on the table?

Bye, Ted.

Thanks for the great stuff.

Bye, Uncle Ted. I love you, Uncle Ted.

Hello, Smith family.

What happened to your FYI hat?

Ted took it. He said it was flammable.

What a kidder. Hi, Miles Silverberg.

This is Ellen, Tom, and Tim.

Silverberg. Is that a Jewish name?

Yeah. We don't have any Jews in Lake Wichita.

Roy. This man is Jewish.

It's a wonderful and rare religion practiced in big cities.

And I'm Courtney Sherwood Forrest. I'm so happy to welcome you all the way from

the land of 10 ,000 lakes, a state whose death rate of 8 .3 is well below the

national average of 8 .9.

Well, thank you.

Hi, Frank Fontana. Let me get a look at those boys. Hi, guys. How's it going?

He's touching me.

And, um, I'm Jim Dial.

Well, your voice sounds as wonderful in person as it does on television.

Thank you very much.

Of course, this is Murphy Brown.

So how about it? Do we get the tape? Murphy!

Let's not rush this, Mitch. Why don't we all sit down and get something to eat?

Hey, how would you boys like to sit at this table with me? Just us guys.

What do I do?

Tom's afraid of chairs.

We don't know why.

We're hoping it's just a phase.

Tom, wouldn't you like to sit with me in a nice boot?

Yes, please.

You like card tricks, Tom?

Why don't we all sit?

Oh, my.

Thank you.

You know, Stills is a very famous place in Washington.

That's why we brought you here.

And here's the Philster himself.

Miles, what did I tell you about attaching those sassanine frat house

to my name?

I'm not a Philster, a film master, or a film meister.

I'm just plain Phil.

Don't want to have to tell you again.

It was just order, Phil.

Phil's has the greatest burgers in Washington.

Boys love burgers, right, Jimmy?

Uncle Ted bought us lobsters.

Line took us to La Framboise.

Ted ordered in French. Everything was so lovely.

I'm sure it was, but we thought you'd like to see how real news people eat.

There's a booger on this fork.

Give me that, kid.

That's just a little dried ketchup.

I suppose La Framboise doesn't have any ketchup.

Wonder if they have a fancy French phrase for rats in the kitchen.

What's your burgers, thanks, Bill?

So, Joe, Ellen, we really would like to be able to use your tape when we go on

the air in less than seven hours.

Maybe you should tell them what Ted said.

What? What did Ted say?

Well, Ted said we could all be in the studio during the broadcast.

And when our tape's on TV, he's going to print our names right at the bottom of

the screen, and the boys' names, too.

And why wouldn't he do that for you, Ellen?

That's a perfectly lovely name.

Ellen.

Dear Lord, would you excuse me?

Mr. and Mrs. Smith, not only will we match Nightline's offer, we'll do

Murphy will actually say your names right on the air, won't you, Murphy?

What? Yeah, sure. Say them, print them, sing them if you like.

So how about it? Do we get the tape?

Well, Ellen and I are sold, but we'll have to wait and see how the boys vote.

And it's only fair to warn you, they've become very attached to Mr. Koppel.

Mom, is it open yet?

No, honey, I'm afraid it's closed until after we go home.

He didn't get to see the moon exhibit at the museum.

It was closed for repairs.

The moon's his absolute favorite thing.

It is?

Murphy has a moon rock.

Don't you, Murphy?

Listen, that's something.

Buzz Aldrin, the astronaut, gave it to her, and now it's in her very own house.

Can I see your moon rock?

Now, Tim, we can't go imposing on people at their private home, even though it

would be the thrill of a lifetime.

Gee, it isn't really an imposition, is it, Aunt Murphy?

Please, Aunt Murphy.

Would you like to come to my house and see my moon rock?

are overlooking a very simple solution.

What? What? I don't know. A short note. Something like, dear Smith, if you ever

want to see little Timmy again... Oh, yes.

Let's commit a felony. How is that helping? I hate this. I'm telling you, I

this far from dropping... Uh -oh. We're here. We're here.

Well, hey there.

Oh, my. You have a lovely home.

Oh, look, boys. This is an inlaid marble table.

It probably costs more than your father will make all next year.

Why don't you wait in here, and Murphy and I will get that moon rock out of its

special place.

Whoa.

The nuclear family lives.

We're the Smiths.

We're visiting from Minnesota.

Oh, yeah?

I was there once.

I drove cross -country.

Minnesota. Lakes, grass, and knots.

Oh, what are you guys, use like a number 38 sunbark?

I see you've met the Smiths. Elvin is my house painter. Well, he's an artist,

really.

Elvin, have you seen my moon rock?

For your closet.

Behind the slip and slide.

So, Smiths.

How's it going?

This man is a beatnik, an artistic sort of person with unconventional attitudes

and a love of anything hip.

Hold it.

Very few Earthlings actually possess a moon rock.

Ted Koppel doesn't have one.

Can I keep it?

Uh, can he?

Did I mention I have two moon rocks?

Yeah, I do. One from Buzz Aldrin and one from... another astronaut. I'll go get

it.

Let me tell you, that is one special lady and one spectacular reporter.

You couldn't have a better journalist do your story.

No, you couldn't. Uh -oh. Bye, baby.

A leader in her field.

Uh -oh.

Uh -oh.

Leader of the world.

World renowned for her integrity and her dedication to the job. Does that go to

her head? Oh, no. She's just playing folks like you and me. This girl next

Here it is. My other moon rock. Actually, it's better than the first

the lunar particles?

But you can have it. Wow.

So how about it, Smith family?

How about that boat?

All those in favor of FYI, raise your hand.

Yes, yes, thank you, thank you. Now let's go back and sign that release.

Just as soon as we stop by Nightline and tell Ted.

What? Well, after all he's done, it's only right to tell him in person.

Okay, okay.

But we don't want to keep the boys all cooped up in that stuffy limo all night,

so why don't we drop them off at FYI with Murphy?

And then I'll take you over to Nightline just to make sure there are no hard

feelings. All right, but Tim, this time you let Tom ride backwards.

Miles! I'm not letting these people out of my sight again.

Plus, this way, if Koppel tries to pull anything, we have the boy.

I have to finish my copy because we go live in one hour with a story we still

don't have the rights to and Miles is nowhere to be found.

I just got off the phone with a towel lady.

She's willing to make an appearance on the show, but it's going to cost us. Oh,

look. $75 for every 20 minutes. More if she has to talk.

back yet? Where is he? Why isn't he back yet? Why?

He's never coming back, Frank. He's moved to Lake Hitch at Tic Tac with Joe

Ellen. He lives in a posse looking for loosening tail in Minnesota.

How the hell do I know why he's not back?

Here, here.

You behave, you lads.

Home at last.

We are golden. Just one last teeny detail we had to iron out.

See you in a minute? I had to.

Koppel promised he'd do it.

Nightline has scooped us twice in the last year. You want to go for three?

All right, all right.

Okay, let's sign this, baby.

Here we go. The contract and the check.

Nice pen.

Thank you very much.

This is truly a great moment.

One we should all be...

You do?

Someone turn it up. Turn it up!

Obtained exclusively by CNN, shows remarkable footage of Senator Alan

seen here at the George and Martha Motel.

Look, Joe, you're on TV, too.

The senator was captured by Mr. Matthew Cook, who was visiting Washington with

his family.

Oh, the Cooks, they were in the room next door.

Isn't this an interesting turn of events?

Our contract is signed.

We now own the exclusive rights to nothing.

We've been scooped by CNN and the Cook family.

Who the hell is the Cook family?

So does this mean we're not going to be on your show?

Yes, that's exactly what it means.

But, Joe, I wouldn't trade those precious moments we've had together for

anything. And don't worry about the 20 minutes of vacant network airtime.

I'll just put on a sarong and perform happy talk from South Pacific.

Now, Jim, there's no need to talk like that. I'm sure we're just all a little

tired after the day we've been through.

In fact, you look particularly peaked, Tommy.

Why don't you just relax in this nice sock chair?

under. How about that, Tim? You got a rock from a TV person's own backyard.