Original subtitles

Hello, anybody

home?

Shh, keep quiet.

Mm, mm, mm, ah.

Mm, mm, mm,

ah, ah, mm.

Hmm.

Hmm.

That was wonderful.

Ahem.

Ahem.

Thank you, dear.

Uh, send in the next patient.

Shh!

Keep quiet!

If you don't mind my asking, who the

hell is she?

Oh, well, she's a secretary.

While I was leaving, I forgot something in

there, and so I came back, and I

saw it, and I went, Do it!

Do it!

That's a good life, huh?

Ha ha ha.

Well.

Good morning.

Hi there.

I'm John Holmes.

I have an appointment with the doctor.

Please, come this way.

Thank you.

Please, come in.

Good morning.

Take a seat.

Good morning.

Thank you.

So.

Tell me.

First of all, how are we doing?

Everything all right?

Oh, what can I tell you, doc?

My job is deadly for real.

I mean, it's gruesome, to say the least.

My dear friend, everybody works.

Look at me, five sessions with very short

breaks, in between each session.

Well, it's those really short breaks that I

can't get, you know what I mean?

Of course, all jobs are different, but society

being what it is, we have to adapt

to its needs.

But let's talk about you.

Any improvement?

You know nothing?

No.

Not even on the intentional level?

No, not even that.

Absolutely nothing.

My dear friend, as long as you refuse

to accept your physical state, there can be

no improvement.

The world is full of many gifted men

who, well, live a perfectly normal life without

being in the least shy.

As I already told you, Mr. Holmes, your

problem is caused by a psycho-emotional block

and the fixation you have for your director's

wife.

This too is not normal.

I hope you understand what I'm saying, do

you?

Mr. Holmes, I'm trying to be of service

here.

Do you understand me?

Mr. Holmes, I'm asking you a question, please.

Look, if I were normal, I wouldn't even

be here to see you.

I...

I guess you're right, all right.

Let's continue.

I'm sorry, but I really don't feel like

continuing.

We'll take it from here the next time

I come.

Is that all right with you?

Suit yourself.

See you later.

All right, thanks.

I'll be seeing you.

All right.

Excuse me, do you mind if I use

the phone?

Good morning, this is John Holmes.

Say, did you get that book that I

ordered a while ago?

Ah, good, I'll come and pick it up

at once.

Thanks a lot.

Yeah.

Thank you very much.

You're welcome.

Ah, here it is.

Okay.

Then he has the power to get you

all that you wish to have.

In order to evoke him, focus your thoughts,

concentrate and repeat many times in a row

the magic word, Hey,

what the hell?

Didn't you call me, Mr. Holmes?

Well, I was just reading, that's all.

You would like to become super gifted, wouldn't

you, huh?

Oh, please, don't even talk about it.

You would like women to fall head over

heels in love with you.

Well, of course, who wouldn't?

You like that, eh?

Let's see now, what can we do?

Hey, that's major science fiction, let's be real.

Mr. Holmes, no science fiction at all, I've

got the power.

Oh, so you've got the power for all

this, how?

I have the power, it is all I

need.

Oh, and what do I have to do

in return?

What do you want?

Huh?

What?

All you have to do is sign this

pact with me.

Hey, this is blank, there's nothing written on

this.

That's the way it should be between gentlemen,

eh?

Well, I want to know first what I

can expect.

I can't trust you blindly, can I?

Just sign and all the women who look

in your eyes will be yours.

Am I supposed to believe all this?

After all, what kind of guarantee do I

have that on second thought, I can't get

worse than it already is?

The pen's as red as blood.

There we are.

Thank you, Mr. Holmes.

You will have everything I promised you.

I give you my word, be Elzebub's word.

Now go to sleep and have a good

time.

I'll see you again real soon, real soon.

Ha ha ha ha!

Wow, what an incredible story!

Come on now, who's going to buy that?

But it's all true.

It can't be true.

I'm telling you, you have to believe me,

guys.

I'm not into fairy tales.

He was sitting right there in that armchair.

I've seen him with my own two eyes,

I swear.

I can't believe it.

Now listen, John, you've got to get positive

you weren't dreaming.

Hey, do you want me to show you

how to do it?

No, no, no, I'll just take your word

for that, okay?

But still, it seems weird.

Well, hey, what are you going to do

now?

Well, I'll go to the director's house, and

there I'll find his wife, and I'll screw

her, it's as simple as that.

It's simple, but dangerous.

Suppose the lady doesn't want to hear it.

Suppose she tells her husband.

Suppose you get fired.

I like her too much.

Well, if that's how you feel.

Well, I had to give it a try,

and besides, I feel damn sure of myself

now.

Excuse me, sir?

I really hate to bother you.

Oh, we're looking for a hotel for tonight.

A hotel, that's going to be tough.

Hotels are booked solid.

The trade fair's in full swing, but I

can put you up at my place if

you want.

No, thanks.

Carl, are you sure?

Nein, nein, we want to go to a

hotel.

Well?

You know, you have the most beautiful black

eyes.

Nein, nein, my eyes are blue.

Hey, give me a minute to organize things,

will you?

Hey, guys, hold these two for me, will

you?

I'll be glad to.

Well, where do we take them?

My place, here's your jacket.

Come on, get in.

Go ahead.

I'll be back in a couple of hours.

Good morning, can I come in?

Please, do.

Is Madam home?

Please, I'd like to see her, if I

may.

Who should I announce?

My name is John Holmes.

And the reason for seeing her, Mr. Holmes?

I'm an employee at the bank, I just

want to talk to her, that's all.

Madam is home, but so am I.

Yes, I can see that.

Oh, John, kiss me.

I've come for the lady of the house.

Good Lord, Mary.

Mary, what's happening?

Good morning.

I apologize, but the fact is that this

gentleman here has a magnetic stare.

How many times have I told you never

to let strangers in the house?

But I work at the bank.

You do?

And you take such liberties in the house

of the director?

You think this is bad?

My husband will tell you exactly how bad.

I don't think that will be necessary, do

you?

On the other hand, my husband has been

neglecting me for quite some time.

Oh, you poor thing.

Come here, my dear.

Sit down.

I have so many things to tell you.

Yes, yes, yes.

Oh, that's great.

So nice.

Oh.

Oh, it's good.

Oh, I love it.

Well, come on in.

Make yourselves at home.

Thank you.

Take it easy, girls.

Yeah, take off your coats.

Stay awhile.

Say, would you like a drink?

Yeah, sure, sure.

Well, what would you like?

Whiskey, okay?

Yeah, whiskey sounds great.

I think I'll have a whiskey, too.

Ah, wait a minute.

What's up?

What's the problem?

Well, such guests deserve only the best Bohemian

crystal glasses.

Here.

Oh, you're very kind.

Thank you.

Hey, there's a little left.

We'll share it like good friends do.

Gorgeous.

Thank you.

Careful.

Danke.

And beautiful is the one who gets the

last drop.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Here.

Here's to you.

Cheers.

Cheers.

Hey, Fiera, I, uh, kind of like the

blonde.

You know what I'm saying?

Oh, come on.

You know you'd love to fuck a blonde,

kid.

No, you're right, you're right.

This kiddie one's pretty good.

You come on to work.

We'll make it happen.

You know what I'm saying?

Yeah, I hope you mean it.

Ah, girls, we'll be right with you.

Cheers, ladies.

You know, I really like you.

You're much better than in the hotel.

Excuse me, ladies.

Here we are.

Such nice girls.

Wanna go take a nap?

They don't understand language.

We prefer the way for John to connect.

I see.

John.

We are just guests, right?

Okay.

John.

You don't want to make love?

To whom?

Too fat?

John is much better.

He's a hunk, yeah.

Can you believe it?

They're playing hard to get.

Look at them.

Hey, let's give them the cold shoulder.

They'll come around.

They'll come around.

Oh, yes.

Yes, again.

Oh, yes.

Oh, yes.

So good.

More.

Oh, yes.

Why are you laughing?

It's empty.

So what?

So the bottle is empty.

We can still fill you up with love.

What do you say?

Is that better?

No.

Why are they laughing so hard?

I don't know.

These girls are nice.

Who is the bad girl?

Who is the bad girl?

Just keep on laughing.

Who knows?

It's in there.

Okay, let's go.

They've been in the cabinet for so long.

Why can't they wait?

So good.

Oh, yes.

So good.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Mmm.

What are they doing?

Mmm.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Will you look at that?

Oh, boy.

We are in like Flynn.

Oh, yes.

Come on.

Come on.

I've got a lot in this.

Oh, my God.

Oh, baby.

Oh, baby.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Oh, God!

Oh, God!

Oh, yeah, this is magic.

Oh, I love it when you fight with

it.

I'll take a dip.

I'll give him that.

Okay.

You're done.

This is what you do, huh?

I like this on the side.

Save it.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh, that's good.

That's good.

That's good.

Oh, yeah.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh, yeah.

Ooh.

I really love the program.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, baby.

Oh, baby.

Baby.

Oh, again.

Oh man, oh man, oh man, oh man,

oh man, oh man, oh man, oh man,

oh man, oh man, oh man, oh

man, oh man, oh man, oh man, oh

man, oh man,

oh

man, oh man, oh man, oh man, oh

man, You

are a wonderful lover.

Would you mind doing me a big favor?

Anything you want.

I want to meet Marina, the Vice President's

wife.

I can't say no to you.

I'll arrange for you two to meet one

of these days, okay?

Well, thank you.

In return, I'll introduce you to some friends

of mine.

They're great guys, believe me.

Are they like you?

No.

You know, you guys could have waited for

me.

You were too late.

Hey, what took you so long?

We waited till five.

Okay, it really doesn't matter.

I couldn't possibly give up Karen anyway.

By the way, how did it go, huh?

Oh, you couldn't imagine it.

Even in your wildest dreams, the woman...

Hey, you didn't think about us, huh, did

you?

A good friend, really.

Hey, cool down, guys.

One step at a time, the situation is

delicate.

I'll see her again tomorrow and I'll take

the two tourists along and I'll try and

put together a nice piece of action.

Leave it to me, okay?

Let's make a toast to the director's wife.

Come on, if you can't trust John, who's

left to trust, huh?

Cheers.

Come on, let's go.

Come on.

Yeah.

Oh.

Oh, give it to me.

Ooh.

Oh, John.

Oh, you feel so good.

Yeah, lay down.

This is bad.

Hello, John?

It's me, so what's up?

So what's new on the front of the

action?

No, it can't be.

A group wedding?

Well, one for all and all for one.

Yeah, you fucked them all.

Congratulations.

This is great news.

And in the meantime, Pierre and myself are

keeping it on ice.

Talking about fucks, you want to know the

latest?

Well, I'll tell you.

He's such an interesting and deep man.

I can't wait to meet him.

I'm sure you'll like him a hell of

a lot.

I'm pretty sure myself.

When he gets here, tell him I'm out

and that you two are alone.

Why?

So I'll be able to watch from behind

the door.

Okay.

Okay, this

must be him.

Go open the door.

Hi there.

Hi yourself.

I'm John.

Can I come in?

Sure, come in.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

I've been longing to meet you for the

longest.

And how long is the longest?

Well, at least three years.

Why all this time before coming out in

the open?

Well, I had some psychological problems before.

Now everything's fine?

Sure, I wouldn't be here otherwise.

Thanks to Freudian psychoanalysis?

Well, I guess you could say that.

It's difficult to imagine a man as nice

as you having psychological problems.

Why?

What did Terran tell you about me?

That you are completely able to fill the

existential vacuums of women.

Well, I guess that's true in a manner

of speaking.

I feel I can open up with you,

John.

Just as much as I want.

Okay.

Go ahead.

Shoot.

My problem is that I never succeed in

betraying my husband.

You understand?

It's an awful hang-up.

It plagues me all the time.

It never stops.

I could use your help.

Why should you betray him?

Because he's been neglecting me for ages.

Now all he thinks about is his career.

Did you ever seriously try to betray him?

Yes, plenty of times.

But I cannot make it.

It's something I can't help.

Could be that you never found the right

man.

Do you know what I mean?

It's not a question of men, see.

Even now, you're a very attractive man.

Terran told me wonders about you.

But I'm still hung up.

Marina, just relax and look at me.

Oh, my

God.

That's so nice.

Great.

Squeeze it.

That's it.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Hello.

Gene, how are you doing?

Yeah, everything went...

Everything went fine.

I made an appointment for you.

Yeah.

Both of you.

It's for tomorrow afternoon.

Am I a friend or what?

Hey, sure.

Hey, now behave, okay?

All right.

I'll see you soon.

Bye now.

Ha ha ha.

Ha ha ha.

Uh...

Ah.

Heh.

He's coming.

Really?

Yes, I think.

Thank you.

I'm Gene and, uh...

I'm Pierre.

Yeah, John speaks very highly of you.

Yeah, uh...

We've been buddies for a long time now.

My new colleagues, too.

Nice casa.

Would you care for a drink?

Yes, please.

Sure, thanks.

Thanks.

Thanks.

Ready?

Let's make a toast.

To you.

Hey.

Could I use your bathroom, please?

Sure, over there.

Thanks.

Excuse me?

Sure.

Can I sit down here?

Of course.

I have to tell you, I'm a shy

woman.

Don't worry, I'm shy.

Two, three.

Yes, yes, yes.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Ooh.

Ooh.

Ooh.

Ooh.

Ooh.

Ooh.

Ooh.

Ooh.

Ooh.

Ooh.

Ooh.

Ooh.

Ooh.

Ooh.

Ooh.

Ooh.

Ooh.

Oh.

Oh.

Ooh.

Ooh.

Ooh.

Ooh.

Ooh.

Oh.

Mm.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,

oh, oh, oh,

oh,

oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,

oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,

oh, oh, oh, oh,

oh, oh, oh,

oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,

oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,

oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,

oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,

oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Oh Oh

Hi John, all right Hi, I'm sorry for

being late.

That's okay kiss me I missed you Let's

go sit down over here sure Why not?

You must tell me John.

How did things go with Marina?

Oh, I can't tell you how great you

can't imagine how wonderful I knew you'd like

her Yeah, well, it reminds me.

I have some friends with a similar problem

I thought possibly we could get together this

weekend Saturday perhaps.

Oh You know John I can't say no

to you Saturday sounds good What do you

have in mind?

Well, I thought possibly you could bring a

couple of your friends I said I'll bring

my friends and we'll just see what kind

of chemistry happens.

Mm-hmm.

I know exactly what we can do Well,

I'll tell you what.

Why don't we warm up a little bit?

And what about us I mean do we

have to wait till Saturday I've waited too

long for you already Oh

Careful Let's say we have a cup of

coffee Okay So

did you get a chance to talk to

John?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, I spoke to him on the phone

Yeah, except for Saturday night.

Well, yeah The villa Great memories Oh boy,

excuse me So anyway Oh, I think I

think first of all your outfit looks terrific

I'm gonna say my friends.

I thought I'd like your eyes.

That's what I like.

Yeah So

John Why don't we get things started here?

No, let's wait for the shrink to get

here.

Just be patient He's gonna be here any

minute.

Okay, okay fair enough See some guys just

don't know how to keep their pants on

you know what I mean Some of these

guys I don't really know him.

I just met him a few weeks ago

You know, my friends are getting impatient.

You're getting impatient.

How impatient do you think I am?

I Get the door they feel amazed doctor.

He's a really nice guy.

I certainly hope this doctor Yeah, you see

he's as good as he's supposed to be

wow, there's a mine here is oh, I

know I'd like to be By Timing's perfect.

You just arrived at the right time.

There's all my friends Just been waiting for

you to me Well, it's a nice little

party You know doc I've invited you because

I really want you to realize the full

extent of my improvement Well, I can understand

how you might be Well, my friends we

all know why we're here and the doctor's

present So let's begin to create the right

atmosphere, you know warm things up a little

bit.

What do you say?

Oh Hey girls, why don't you get to

know each other?

I

I

I

Oh

Oh

Oh

Oh, so it's you again.

You came back.

I see you're happy.

Well, yes.

Everything's fine, actually.

I've come about that thing you owe me.

You know what it is, don't you?

Oh, no.

Wait a minute.

Disgust is common.

Wait a second.

Just take anything you want with that.

Listen, you can take back everything, I swear.

I'd rather have you do that.

No way.

No way.

You'll never have it.

Is that so?

No way.