Original subtitles

All right, everybody, relax, relax, I'll handle this.

My mother said someday my hands might get stuck like this.

She never mentioned anything about an elevator.

Well, I'm really happy I got out of bed today. I told you I didn't want to go to

that press conference. Miles, I knew nothing good would come of it. Look,

were going to sell the network whether we were there to hear the announcement

not. It's the end of an era. That's what it is.

For 50 years, Bill Hutchings ran this network with taste and showmanship.

First color broadcast, first coverage of a live political convention.

Aside from that unfortunate fistfight with Kitty Carlisle, his record was a

quick one.

Yeah, well, now we're stuck with American Industrial Corporation.

What does a conglomerate like that know about news anyway?

They make super tankers, frozen pizza rolls, and that stupid line of talking

appliances. Oh, I got one of those for my wedding.

Mr. Toasty, the talking toaster.

One night it went berserk. It started yelling, your toast is done, your toast

done, for hours.

Around 3 o 'clock in the morning, we'll tuck out a nine -iron and knock it into

the living room.

Come on now, let's not overreact.

American Industrial is a huge organization.

They've got more to think about than FYI. We probably won't even know they're

around.

Morning, troops.

I might have your attention.

There's someone I'd like you to meet. This is... Barbara Boyle, management

specialist, American Industrial.

On behalf of AI, may I be the first to say...

Welcome aboard.

Barbara, I'd like you to meet... Murphy Brown.

Corky Sherwood.

Jim Dyer.

Frank Fontana.

I'm a big fan of the show.

Oh, and this is our executive producer, Miles Silverberg, who runs the daily

operation under my very close supervision.

Oh, excuse me a moment.

Bobby, let me have a look at that, will you?

Uh -huh. Oh, yes, yes, exactly.

Oh, I think you might want to put a semicolon here.

Hurry up.

Well, as I was about to say, AI has assigned Barbara to study the news

as part of its effort to streamline the network. Now, I'm sure I can count on...

Excuse me, Gene. When you say streamline the network, what exactly does that

mean? Gene, I'll take this one.

Murphy, it just means a little budget adjusting.

Trimming the fat.

Trimming the fat. Another interesting phrase. Don't you need some sort of

utensil to do that, Barbara? Let's see, perhaps scissors? No, no, no, that's not

right. A knife? Closer. Oh, I have it.

Hatchet! Right, a hatchet would be just the right... Murphy, Murphy, why don't I

be a little more specific?

On January 3rd, 1990, you paid a farmer in Riverbend, Iowa, $800 to rent his

pickup truck for half a day.

To me, that's fat.

Excuse me, Barbara, I approved that charge.

Murphy and her crew had to get to a malfunctioning missile silo, and that

had the only truck within 200 miles.

Okay, I'll admit he was making up for a slow corn season, but we were exposing a

major federal blunder, and we couldn't be concerned with cost at a time like

that. At AI, we're always concerned with cost.

Mr. Silverberg, is it?

I assume.

Shoulder pads?

Why don't I just lay this out for you?

The news division is a very costly operation, and we can't afford to carry

anymore. Effective today, I want to see a 25 % reduction in the budget of FYI.

But we're going to try, right, troops?

And I'll set an example. Starting today, I'm giving up my TV guide subscription.

I'll just look it up in the newspaper.

Listen, everyone, I don't care how you make the cuts. I just suggest you do it.

Otherwise, I'll be forced to move into a second tier of cuts.

And, Murphy, if you're wondering what I mean by that term, I mean people.

Come, Jean, let's go down to the commissary and see if we can't knock a

items off the salad bar.

my research budget. But when they tell me I have to conduct my Ivana Trump

interview at a Taco Bell, I draw the line.

Corky, you didn't happen to make any phone calls to Milwaukee last month, did

you? Jim, I told you, I put my initials next to every one of my personal calls.

I don't care what their policy is. I'm not going to pay for a call I didn't

make. Well, somebody made that call on my phone.

Oh, sure, it's only $1 .39, but it's the principal.

Tomorrow it'll be $1 .50, then $1 .75.

Pretty soon they'll be sticking me with the bill for the new parking structure.

Let's just hide Vandal's phone bill. He never checks.

Well, I do check. Unlike Frank. Frank never checks.

F. F.

That'll teach him not to check.

Okay, I've been patient. I've been tolerant. qualities I've always hated in

other people, but enough is enough.

I just got this note from Diane Sawyer. Dear Murphy, sorry about your budget

cutbacks. Here's five bucks so you can get your hair done on show night.

I'm really padded with AI and these stupid changes.

Our coffee is ready. Oh, shut up, you little drip.

I don't believe these people. They haven't got the faintest idea what we do

here. You know that story I've been working on about corruption in the

Longshoremen's Union? I put in a requisition for a disguise so I could go

undercover?

This is what they send me.

I've had it with American industrial.

I can't take this. Our family is crumbling.

I don't want to think about what can happen next.

Hey, what's going on here? I thought you were going to fix this thing.

I really don't like this.

I'm not good in small spaces, though.

It's nothing more than a minor malfunction.

We will get you out.

How? How will we get him out?

What? I got a ring stuck on my finger. I rubbed butter.

No. Oh.

Another example of AI's brilliant management.

Ever since they've been here, you've got to take 15 forms in a notary public to

get anything fixed around here. Please, somebody do something.

I feel like the walls are closing in on me. I think I'm flashing back to the

birth canal.

Too dangerous.

Oh, my heart. Did you hear that? She cares about me.

She has feelings for me. What irony.

Poised on the brink of death, yet so close to her ecstasy.

First of all, you're much closer to the 16th floor than either of those places.

I don't care.

I'm so happy. I feel like dancing.

No!

People, may I have your attention, please? I have an announcement to make.

Miles, what happened to you? You look like you've been in a car accident.

Work. I got a memo from Barbara Boyle this morning saying we haven't met our

% quota.

You know what that means?

Personnel cutbacks.

I'm afraid so.

She's already laid off half the maintenance department.

Miles, isn't there something you can do? Can't you call her? I tried. I asked

her to lunch, but she doesn't eat lunch. She plays squash.

Miles, I hope you let her win.

Oh, yeah, I let her win. She was mopping up the floor with me for the seventh

straight game. The woman stepped on my glasses. They were on my face at the

time.

There's got to be a way to stop this woman.

I think it's time for a little dose of the old Fontana charm.

Oh, great.

Let's just quit now.

No offense, guys, but this isn't your territory.

It's my turn now.

I think it's time I had a little talk with Barbara, woman to woman.

Good luck. I think she's a man.

No, Murphy, I assume you want to talk about the cutback.

Look, Barbara, I know you want to make a round of layoffs at FYI, but you have

to understand something. We're a family.

Take Eddie Ross over there. Eddie runs the videotape library. He's been with

this network 47 years. You need footage of the Marshall Plan. It's on your desk

in 10 minutes. Ross.

Edward Ross.

Oh, great.

You get the pink slip on Friday.

What? How can you do that? You're firing Eddie?

Oh, it's easy. You take an unpaid intern and a computer and plug them into that

library. You've saved a fortune.

Yeah, he's gone.

Hey, Phil, how about a round of beer for the best damn unemployed maintenance

staff in town?

I'll get that, Phil.

I've got to go, Murphy. I'm afraid that's all the time I have. Wait a

There's still a lot we have to talk about. No, no, there isn't. My job is to

make this division profitable, and I'll do whatever I have to do to accomplish

that. I am not going to be one of those women who spends the rest of her life

hitting her head against some corporate glass ceiling.

Two years ago, I started out in the toaster division.

inspecting plum trays.

Now I've got the corner office, the stock options, and the good parking

I like it, Murphy.

And I'm going to keep it.

And now, if you'll excuse me, I've got a power lifting class.

I'll see if he's available.

Eldon! Phone!

Who is it? Your stockbroker.

I'm not talking to him. I'm not talking to you, you thief!

You lying parasite!

Die, you yuppie scum!

Maybe you better call back later.

Look, Eldon, I don't know what that was all about, but please leave me out of

it. I'm not having a good day. Oh, sure. It's always your problems.

Meanwhile, my whole world's being turned upside down.

A month ago, I'd sell a painting for $1 .2 million.

All of a sudden, I got friends I never knew I had.

Like Bob down at Led's Paints. He always hated me. Now he wants me to be

godfather to his son.

The kid's 27 years old.

I don't know who to trust anymore.

Look, Eldon, I sympathize with your problems, but all things considered, I'd

really rather talk about me.

That's a big surprise.

Now what?

If it's that guy trying to sell me that Jiffy Lube franchise, tell him I'm not

here.

Hello, Murphy.

Miles, what are you doing walking around half -drenched? It's 35 degrees

outside. It doesn't matter.

Nothing matters.

Not the cold.

Not the pain.

Murphy, I just had the fire to Carlo and Simpson.

What? They're the best camera crew we ever had.

I know. But Barbara the Terminator Boyle said cutting one camera crew would save

us big in medical and dental benefits.

I met the Carlos family at the Christmas party.

I've never seen four kids with bigger overbites in my life. Perfect.

They're going to grow up looking like Jerry Lewis impersonators.

Miles, it's not your fault. You're not the one making these decisions.

It was awful.

After I fired them, I felt so bad I asked Simpson to hit me, but he

I told him I wanted to do something, anything.

The Carlos said he always admired my look, so I gave him my blazer.

He told me he wanted the rest of the outfit.

When I wouldn't give him my pants, he hit me.

Since you're feeling lousy, I might as well tell you, Eddie and videotape is

next to go.

Not Eddie!

That's it. I can't take it anymore.

I'm not going to stand by while she takes this organization apart.

I'm going over her head. There's got to be someone in American industrial who's

willing to stop her.

You're right.

It's about time we let the company know how we feel. I want the chance to open

their eyes in my own way.

Gee, Murphy, somehow I don't think holding some corporate guy's head in a

and flushing is a very effective strategy.

Look, Miles, I'm the one they see on television every week. You've got to

some guy who's spent his life surrounded by pizza rolls and talking appliances

is going to be impressed by me.

Okay, okay, okay.

We fly to New York together tomorrow morning.

But I want you to remember one thing.

I'm the boss.

I'm the one who's trained to handle crises and deal with people.

Agreed? Yes, Miles.

Believe it, Miles. This was a network that won 45 Peabody Awards.

Now they're owned by a company that made its first million off something called

cheese on a rope.

Murphy, that is exactly the kind of sarcastic tone we don't need in there.

look, you have a tendency to get a little overwrought sometimes, which is

you're going to let me handle this meeting.

This Roger Harris we're seeing is strict Ivy League. I know how guys like that

think.

I'm just glad Bill Hutchings isn't still around to see this. You know, you can

take out the wood and change the chairs, but you'll never erase his presence

from this network.

Heads up, Charlie.

Miles Silverberg.

Roger Harris, Vice President, Corporate Resources.

Roger, great to meet you. This is Murphy Brown.

Hello, Murphy.

Wow, this is truly an honor.

Imagine acquiring cytokine dandruff shampoo and Murphy Brown in the same

quarter. It's amazing.

Say, I was just wondering, how's the water pressure in your toilets up here?

Perfect.

So, Raj, I see we're both wearing the old Harvard tie. I'm class of 84, are

77, I should have known. You can always tell a Harvard man.

But you can't tell him much.

I appreciate the opportunity to discuss these cutbacks.

Transitions can be a little rough, and I know we want every oar pulling

together. Absolutely.

It's a brutal market out there. You've got to hit the ground running. Fisher

bait. Go the whole nine yards.

Do the hokey pokey and turn yourself around.

Sir Murphy, what a kidder.

So, Rog, what are we waiting for? Let's bow out.

Gentlemen,

I'd like you to meet Miles Silverberg and... Murphy Brown.

Tom Martin, VP Management Services.

Neil Green, VP Product Coordination.

Ted Sterling, VP Internal Relations.

Dave Stevens, VP Business Services. Mike Miller, VP Operations Control.

Okay, Miles.

The guy's on your cost breakdowns, your financials, it's your ball. Run with it.

Thank you, Roger.

Why don't we start with the 40 % cut in our travel budget? As you know... Miles,

question here. I noticed a lot of that travel was on commercial airline.

Have you... Have you tried using a frequent flyer program?

Excuse me? You know, free tickets, upgrades, coupons, earphones.

Are you serious? Are you serious? I think what Murphy's concerned with is

while it's an interesting idea, Tom, I don't think it would be too practical.

Super saver fares, Miles, that's the key. Just stay over a Saturday night.

cost benefit.

But Dave... Ted. I'm Dave. Tom. Neil. Ted, you can't... You can't schedule

events to occur conveniently over a weekend.

In the news business, you've got to be the first one in and the first one out

with the tape. Sometimes that costs... Excuse me, you mentioned tape. I thought

you were a live show.

We are a live show, but some of our segments are on tape, as I was saying.

about on the West Coast?

You can't be live there, too.

That's right, just like Saturday Night Live. They always put out, live from New

York, it's Saturday night.

But on the West Coast, it's not. That's my point of view.

Did we ever get an answer on that frequent flyer issue? We can't use a

flyer program.

Last year, we did an award -winning piece on new cracks in the Alaska

We had to fly to Prudhoe Bay without a moment. Why, what?

Why go all the way up there?

Couldn't you just put a reporter in front of a photo of a pipeline and shoot

that? Right. Just put him in a parka, add a little fake snow.

Fake snow is good. No, it isn't. We don't fake snow. We don't fake anything.

This is the news, not a Steven Spielberg movie. But hey, why stop at faking it?

We could use puppets. A little Murphy puppet interviewing a little George Bush

puppet. Just think how much...

How many times have I told you not to take that sinus medication before you

He's wowed up like a top. He really didn't mean any of those things, did

Yes, I did. They're morons, morons.

Gentlemen, may I make a suggestion?

It's really too difficult to explain our operation sitting around a table. How

about you come down to Washington and get a hands -on feel for things in the

trenches?

What do you think, Tom?

I don't know.

What do you think, Neil?

Well, I go along with Mike's thinking. Mike. Uh, Ted, did you want to say

something? Just make a decision.

Make it, make it, make it.

Lunch,

gentlemen. Lunch.

And that was that. to control where space -age technology

allows us to beam in footage from all over the globe. How right you are,

But since cutbacks have limited our satellite time, our ability to bring you

fast -breaking stories has been severely damaged.

Corky? Thank you, Frank.

Yes, gentlemen, we're talking about stories like the Berlin Wall, the

election of Lex Valenza, and...

Ling Ling faces her biological father.

You see, the news never stops.

And FYI needs the freedom to go after that news wherever and whenever it

happens.

So what do you say, Rog?

How about we kiss those cutbacks goodbye, huh?

Murphy, I think I can promise you. We'll put that option on the table. Run it up

the flagpole. Just the orders. We'll get back to you on it.

Now hold it right there, people.

Before you go off to invent new ways to reduce painful itching and swelling.

You listen to me.

I've been with this network for over 25 years.

And in the last two weeks, I've seen this news division desecrate.

General.

News. is a network's sacred obligation to serve the common good, to inform and

educate, to uplift and, in some cases, shame.

And the day that we're judged solely on profit is the day that death knells

sounds on the free and open exchange of ideas that we call a democracy, and I,

for one, cannot stand on the sidelines and watch that happen.

You know, I never thought about it that way.

Obviously, we have a lot to learn about this business.

It's amazing how easy it is to lose sight of what's really important.

Wouldn't you agree, Barbara?

Because of my budget cuts, we're projecting a third -quarter profit of $3

million.

I believe you gentlemen have a meeting in New York with the popcorn popper

division.

I can't believe it.

We lost.

How could this happen?

We're the good guys.

I never thought I'd say this, but I don't want to work here anymore.

We're stuck.

Boy,

you guys are really quick.

I guess that's why you're all vice presidents.

Although it seems to me in a really efficient company, you'd only need one

Yeah, maybe Barbara has something in her little notebook about that. Something

to tell the CEO.

All those huge salaries and bonuses sounds to me like a good place to get,

right, Barb?

Gentlemen, it may be time for a conference.

Yeah, you take your time. While you're all waiting in the unemployment line

making up your minds, old Babs here is going to be moving her stuff into the

vice presidential suite. But there's no rush.

Run it up the black hole.

Tilt the waters.

Finish,

John. History.

Barbara, we've made a decision.