Original subtitles

But like a heart.

collection. She already bit the head off of Mary Todd Lincoln.

I don't understand, Corky. Why is Murphy using the phone in your office?

Excuse me?

Could somebody please explain how a 120 -pound woman could destroy a phone

that's been tested under 3 ,000 pounds of pressure?

What does she do? Take it out of the parking lot? Drive a car over it? Oh,

I'm sorry, Pete. I guess Murphy's having a rough day. Yeah, well, I'm running

out of phones. That woman needs her hold button popped.

If you know what I mean.

Morning, Pete.

Oh, I see she got another one. Poor little fella never had a chance.

Hey, guys, is Pete still here? I had a little accident.

All right, that's it.

Miles, I want a deadbolt on my door by noon.

Murphy, this has got to stop.

Building services says the next time it happens, they're going to make you use

the pay phone in the lobby. Is that what you want? You're right, Miles. I

shouldn't get so excited. So what if my story on the education crisis is in the

toilet?

What do you mean it's in the toilet? We screened the rough cut two days ago and

we all thought it looked great.

Well, I don't. That's why I'm trying to reach President Bush. I need to confront

the education president on camera and then we'll have a story. But the White

House keeps giving me the runaround.

Murphy, are you sure you're not letting your ego get the better of you here?

Oh, please, Jim. Since when has my ego ever been a problem?

Murphy.

If you really think you need a statement from Bush, why don't you just go to the

president's press conference on Friday?

You won't get an interview, but at least you'll get a quote.

Good one, Miles. Very good. You're right, Merv. Go to the press conference.

What? What's the big joke?

How come I'm the only one who doesn't get it?

Don't feel stupid, Miles. I don't get it either.

Oh, good. That makes me feel much better.

Just see who has the last laugh. I'm calling the White House for a press pass

right now. Yeah, right.

They're never going to let you in. Of course they'll let her in. Why wouldn't

they let her in? Because she was banned from White House press conferences ten

years ago. What was the official reason?

Malicious mischief with intent to inflict bodily harm, wasn't it?

Oh, come on, Jim. That was a totally trumped -up charge, and you know it.

Press credentials, this is Murphy Brown.

I need a pass for Friday.

Yeah, I'll hold. Bodily harm?

What did you do?

Every time I asked Reagan a tough question, he'd do that little hand -to

-ear thing like a helicopter was landing in the press room. Then he'd give me

that aw, shucks grin and move on to the next reporter. I had to do something.

Yeah, right. When Reagan ignored her again, she asked him that Grecian

question.

The man actually stopped breathing for a minute.

When the Secret Service came after her, she tried to create a diversion by

yelling that Helen Thomas had a gun in her purse.

Okay, I admit I went a little overboard, but it's a different administration.

I'm sure they've forgotten all about that.

Yeah. Yeah, this is she.

Oh, come on. That was ten years ago, you bunch of elephants. Don't you forget

anything.

Oh, forget it, Murph. It's no big deal until you don't have a quote. I saw the

piece. It's terrific just the way it is. What's the matter, Frank? You don't

think I can get in?

And who took only 15 minutes to get us two fabulous seats to tonight's sold

Aretha Franklin concert? Murph, a presidential press conference is a

harder to get into than an Aretha Franklin concert. Well, it shouldn't be.

man can't sing Respect to save his life.

I am telling you, you're never going to get in.

Okay, Frank, you want to make a bet? Put your money where your mouth is.

Ten bucks. Ten bucks says you can't do it. Ten bucks? You call that a bet?

Okay, 20.

50. Please.

Murphy. Frank.

This is childish.

A hundred dollars. That's a man's bet.

Okay, you're on.

All right, who else wants to lose some money?

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!

I want this stopped right now.

We should be supporting each other, not placing wagers on whether one of us

succeeds or fails.

Five to one says you can't do it. Sorry, Murphy.

Baby needs a new pair of pumps.

Hey, I mean it. I mean it.

This story is my number one concern right now.

Now, Murphy, are you sure you can get in?

Not only will I get in, I'm going to get a quote, and then, just for a little

thrill, I'm going to leave a kick -me sign on John Sununu's butt.

Good. Now that that's taken care of, let's make some easy money!

Thirty bucks if she gets in!

Hey, I want you to get me a list of everyone in the White House press office

who's been married for more than seven years, and let me know if any of them

have joined a gym recently.

What do you want to know that for?

You show me a guy who's joined a gym after seven years of marriage, and I'll

show you a guy who's found a new reason to keep in shape. And when I find out

her name, I found my way in.

Ooh, I taste victory.

All right, all right, all right, calm down.

I'm having a hard time understanding you.

Uh -huh.

Uh -huh.

Okay, I'll give it to her as soon as she gets in.

No! thank you.

Yes!

Jimbo Corkster! How deep are those pockets today? Because you're going to

digging all the way to the bottom. It's payoff time.

What are you talking about, Miles? I'm talking about the press conference. The

press conference that your colleague and mine, Murphy Brown, has just been

cleared to attend.

I don't believe it. How did this happen? Some guy from the press office just

told me there's a pass waiting for Murphy at the door. And to make sure she

knows that he's going to stop seeing Debbie right after the weekend.

So pay up, guys!

Well, all right.

But this is a dubious achievement, Miles. The woman blackmailed her way in.

besides, it doesn't mean she'll get to ask Bush a question. Are you doubting

her, Murphy?

Of course she'll get to ask him a question. In fact, I'm willing to put

it. What about you?

Double or nothing.

Baby could also use a great big bottle of Chanel.

You're on.

Oh, look who's here.

That's right, you owe me many dollars. Murphy got into the press conference.

What? Do not despair.

I'm willing to make you an offer.

Certain people who shall remain nameless doubt whether Murphy will get to ask

Bush a question.

Double or nothing says she will.

Double or nothing, huh? That she gets to ask Bush a question. I don't know, I

don't know. It sounds kind of risky to me, but okay. Okay, you are on. Kiss

money goodbye, Frank, and congratulations, Murphy. How does it

in the White House? It feels great, Miles.

Why are you talking like that?

Why is she talking like that? Well, somebody got a little excited at

concert last night.

She was singing so loud, she threw off the band.

Isn't that right, Murph?

It's no big deal. I just drained my voice a little. It's not that bad.

Not that bad?

The press conference is in two days. How are you going to ask Bush a question

with a lawnmower in your throat?

You knew, Frank.

You knew and you doubled the bet.

Just wait till I find the new parking spaces. You're going to be so far away,

you're going to need a passport to get to work.

Don't you think you're blowing this out of proportion?

Come on, everybody.

Let's go buy a lottery ticket. I feel lucky. Yeah.

Murphy, I can't believe you did this. I'm going to call a doctor right now.

No.

No, I'll be fine in a couple of hours.

Miss Brum?

I'm so sorry I'm late. I'm Claude Phelps, your new secretary.

Hello, Claude. Nice to meet you.

That's your desk.

Let me know if you need anything.

All right.

I need you to punish me.

What?

I've been a bad boy.

A very bad boy. I was late. I should be punished.

Look, I really don't have time for this.

Oh, I get it.

You're making me wait for it.

Good, good. I like that.

Owen, that thing you're doing with your voice, that's very exciting.

That's it.

Call a doctor.

You're whistling.

That's good.

Means it isn't serious, right? If it were serious, you wouldn't be whistling.

So you're obviously not concerned about those little red bumps back there.

You do see them, don't you? Right back there?

Right underneath that little hanging thing? Hey, hey, hey.

Do you want me to give you a shot?

I have needles in my bag.

You're right, you're right. I'll get out of your way.

Geez, I hope you don't bring this guy along when you come in for your pap

Okay, Murphy.

Shut your mouth.

Boy, do I enjoy saying that.

Money, Elliot. You must be a riot.

You always have to have the last word, don't you? Well, now it's my turn. You

have a severe inflammation of the vocal cords, and every time you speak, you

aggravate the condition.

How long is she going to be like this?

Unfortunately for us, only a few days.

A few days? You don't know what you're talking about. The man doesn't even have

a license. He's got a big picture of a duck over his desk.

Keep it up, Murphy. The more you talk, the longer it's going to last. Dr.

Bishop. Murphy has to be at a press conference in two days. Isn't there

you can give her? Aside from a muzzle?

Look, what she really needs is to give those cords time to heal. That means for

the next 48 hours, she can't say a word.

Nothing. Nada.

Zero.

Zip. Zip.

You know, I haven't had this much fun since I figured out how to write off my

sailboat as medical equipment.

Bye.

Come back here, you horse doctor.

Why don't you just spay me while you're at it?

What are you doing?

Didn't you just hear what the man said? No talking.

I thought you really wanted that quote, right?

There's a lot riding on this.

That's more like it.

I want you to do everything that doctor says.

You think you can handle that?

Okay.

Let's go out there and tell everybody what's going on.

Oh, Miss Brown, you remember that letter you asked me to type? Well, it

completely flipped my mind.

Isn't that awful?

I've been so naughty.

For me!

People, I'd like to make an announcement.

Murphy has an inflammation of the vocal cords, and the doctor has ordered her

not to speak.

for the next 48 hours.

Thank you, but next time wait till I'm a little closer. I still have some

hearing left in one ear.

Hello? Can I help you?

Yeah, this is her house.

No, she can't talk right now. She blew her voice out a couple days ago. Who can

I say is calling?

Joel Jordan from the Presidential Committee on Education?

Well, Joel, congratulations.

That certainly got a reaction out of her.

So, you're working on education, huh?

Maybe you can answer a question for me.

What was the point of Tetherball? What were we supposed to learn from that?

Ah, she's ready.

Okay. The lady needs to know the results of the national education survey that

you've been conducting.

Okay, Joel.

All right, he says you're going to have to wait. The result's coming out next

week. No, she's not very happy about that.

Uh -huh. No, she doesn't have a lot of patience.

No, I'm not her husband. What a horrible thought.

Huh?

Uh -huh.

All right.

Ah, a bulletin.

Okay, just give me something.

You will be...

Any mouse. What's that? I don't know what that means.

Anonymous. Well, thank you very much. Now, I don't like a fool telling the man

it'll be any mouse.

Yeah.

Yeah, Joe, I'm still here.

I'm still here.

The answer's still no.

Oh, great. Now she's mad she's going to take it out on me.

Huh?

No, Joe, yes, Joe, I realize that that's not your problem, but there's no reason

to get all snippy about it.

Joe?

Joel, may I tell you something in confidence?

Are you listening, Joel?

You see what you made me do? And the Bernikes were never a violent people.

I'll get that, and if it's a Jehovah's Witness, I'm just going to stand there

and listen. That's how bad I feel.

Hi, Eldon. Yeah, yeah. How's Murphy?

She hasn't said anything today, has she? Not a word, but don't let it fool you.

It's not as pleasant an experience as one might think.

Good luck.

Hey there, Murphy. How's it going?

Come on.

You're not still mad at me for sending you home yesterday, are you?

I just couldn't let you keep firing off that starter's pistol every time you

wanted a new pot of pee.

The whole office was getting these shakes.

Just wanted to make sure you were all right.

And I'm sure when you go to that press conference tomorrow morning, you'll be

terrific voice.

But just to be on the safe side, I brought you some methylated cough drops,

Chinese Tiger Balm chest rub, vitamin C, B6, B12, and Ms. Iron, just because

you're a woman.

Murphy, Murphy, Murphy, you don't have to thank me.

Seeing you get better is all the thanks I need.

Worried about your lousy bet? Murphy!

I am shocked!

You think I'm here just because of a stupid bet?

That hurts me deeply.

Okay. Okay.

I know this is frustrating.

I know how tempting it must be to want to talk.

So that awful feeling of not knowing would go away and we could all get a

night's sleep.

But talking now would be wrong.

Clearly against doctor's orders.

Not that medicine is an exact science.

I heard a funny joke today.

Knock, knock.

Sorry, sorry.

Okay, so I guess I should go and leave you to heal.

Have a good night, Murphy.

Although, I could stay overnight. I had pajamas in the bag. Will you get the

hell out of here?

You talked.

You can talk.

This is so great, Murphy. A perfect voice.

A normal voice. Oh, I'm so happy. Don't say another word. You save it for

tomorrow. I'm gone. I'm out of here.

Maybe just one little bye, Miles, so that we can...

Yes, we got the tape.

Okay, go ahead.

That's it? Just go ahead?

Come on, Joan, aren't you going to announce me? I haven't been back in ten

years. I remember.

You're lucky I don't do a strip search.

Move on.

Hey,

Bill, Ted, how are you doing?

Oh, no.

We finally got rid of Donaldson, and now the other big mouth is back.

Madam Murphy, an hour of prime time on FYI every week isn't enough for you? You

have to come down here and try to steal my lousy minute and a half?

Nice seeing you, too.

Geez, I'd forgotten how hostile the boys can be when one of us wants to get into

the clubhouse. How do you stand it? My God, could that hair be any bigger?

You better not be sitting in front of me.

Oh, good, you're in the last row.

Attention, please.

This is your 30 -second warning.

Oh, excuse me. I'm sorry.

Oh, hi, Murphy.

What? You're not going to give me a hard time like everybody else? I'm sorry.

I'm just a little bit distracted. My wife is about to have her first kid. Oh,

well, Alan, that's great.

Listen, if you want to switch seats, I'm in the back row. That way you'll be

near the door in case anything happens.

Gee, thanks, Murphy.

Have you tried this on everyone, or do I just look exceptionally stupid?

Ladies and gentlemen, the President of the United States.

Morning, everyone.

I won't be making an opening statement today.

So why don't we just go to the first question?

The continuing instability of the Soviet republics, do you feel the need to

reaffirm the security of the borders of the Western European nations, in

particular Poland?

Well, we have recognized under Helsinki existing borders, and I have no problem

reiterating that, but whether that requires some kind of international

it, I just have no judgment on that.

Do you feel comfortable with your environmental package, even though there

call for a specific reduction in carbon dioxide emissions by a specific date, as

some of our allies have done?

Tough question. Who wrote that? His Republican mother?

Mr.

President!

Terry, and then, uh, then Helen.

No, Frank, come on, Helen!

Then Charles, then we'll see.

Geez, what do I have to do, shoot off a flare?

About time.

Mr. President, do you feel that... Do you mind? He was pointing at me.

Oh, he wasn't. I was pointing at Bill. Go ahead, Bill.

There are still a number of Republicans who are very upset... Why do you stand

it? He never calls on the back row. Why do you even show up?

There's free food.

How do you reconcile your new position with those critics within your own... I

reconciled it. I was elected to try and fulfill a platform and programs I

believe in.

That's my personal choice.

That doesn't mean I have a lack of respect for others.

Go out and whatever it happens to be. Oh, my God. My wife's in labor.

I've got to go.

That's more like it.

Next question, please.

Oh, geez. What do I have to do already?

You have to stop waving your hand in my face. I see you, Murphy. I'd have to be

blind to miss you.

You confirm, as recent publications have reported, that there is some

disagreement... It's a little harder than FYI, isn't it, Murphy?

You don't get to sit in your cushy little chair with your makeup and your

lighting. Down here in the pits, it's every man for himself. Oh, give me a

break. I earn my stripes just like everybody else. Don't blame me just

you're a lox on camera.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute. I wasn't looking. That's not fair. He distracted

me.

Purpose, you cheater. All right, now. Settle down, Murphy.

Come on, it was my turn. Admit it. Let me see that question you take.

Get back back.

Ha! You call that a question? I was asking tougher stuff than this on a high

school paper.

Why don't you just ask him his favorite color? No wonder you're still a print

journalist. A lot of nerve.

And I suppose it was Hugh Downs that broke Watergate. Oh, don't make me

You guys don't do half the job with me. You watch my job around here.

Interviews? That was the last time you were on the subway.

Looks like the only way we're going to get out of here is let Murphy ask her

question. This better be good.

What is it?

Come on, Murphy.

I don't have all day.

All right, that's it. Thanks for coming.

If I ever see her in here again, you're history.