Original subtitles

And it was just so great the way we stole the first interview with the

right out from under Nightline's noses. I'm telling you, special editions of FYI

are my favorite thing. I just love being on the air all night. Really love it.

Don't you love it, Miles?

Where's the aspirin? And Frank was so great, wasn't he? The way he got that

background on the Iraqi terrorists in just a few hours. I'll bet you have

sources Dan Rather could only dream about. Just dream about.

Only... dream about i'll give you five dollars if you stop talking i can't live

coverage of a late breaking story it's just so exciting really exciting

extremely exciting isn't that right jim murphy we've just been on the air for 24

hours living on nothing but coffee and adrenaline and right now the sound of

your voice is grating on my nerves like fingernails on a blackboard so why don't

you put your peppy little butt in a chair settle down and be quiet

Everyone's nerves are on edge, but no matter how tired we are, I think we

take a moment to pat ourselves on the back and enjoy the good feeling of a job

well done.

There's no coffee!

Somebody drink all the coffee!

I want them fired!

Why not wait in the fire in a mile?

There's no coffee!

Corky. Corky, it's okay.

Come on and sit down.

We'll get you some more coffee.

When? When will we get some?

Look, I know we're all tired, but before we can wrap it up this morning, we need

to have a meeting.

Everybody take your seats.

Great. I'm right here with you, Miles, in my chair, ready to go.

Anything you need, I can do it. Will somebody shoot her?

Okay. I think we need to find a way to include yesterday's events into next

week's broadcast.

Maybe we should shell the piece on the head of the Federal Reserve and plug in

profile of the hijacked pilot.

Sounds like something Murphy could do. What do you think, Murphy?

Okay, that's a wrap. We'll pick this up at lunch.

I was forced to disarm a rude security guard in the lobby.

Somebody return this to the proper authorities.

See you.

Lovely to see you.

Murphy didn't mention that her mother was coming to town. Now, that sounds

the kind of thing she'd be sure to tell us about. I like to surprise Murphy, and

I'm one of the few people who can do it.

Do you have other clothes?

You seem to wear the same thing over and over.

Nice hat.

So, I bet you want to see your daughter. Well, she is right over here.

Boy, I can't wait to see the look on her face when she finds out who's here.

Look at her. She looks like an angel when she's sleeping.

Not that I've ever been with her when she's sleeping.

We don't have that kind of relationship.

It's not because I don't find her attractive or I'm not attracted. It's

kind of a mutual fear of intimacy that they say goes way back to childhood.

Mr. Fontana, you're boring me.

Nice hat.

Murphy?

Murphy, wake up.

Surprise.

You've got to stop doing this.

Other mothers call ahead. I know they do. I've been told this.

Murphy, people are watching.

I think you should give me a hug.

Oh, Mother, you know this never goes well.

I know we'll get the hang of it one day. I know we will.

But now, I need to discuss something with you.

But we need our privacy.

May I have everyone's attention, please?

My daughter and I need to talk.

Everyone must leave for ten minutes.

I have a better idea.

Why don't we go in my office?

I don't think that's funny.

Have a seat, Mother.

All right.

So. So?

So, what did you want to talk to me about?

Well, in a nutshell, I've lost my will to live.

What? When I get up in the morning, I no longer have anything to look forward

to. No new mountains to climb.

So I've made a decision.

I'm going to change the scenery of my existence.

I think that's a great idea. I'm going to move in with you.

Hold it. Flag on the floor. You mean live with me in my house?

Isn't this a little hasty? And forgive me for asking, Mother, but does this

anything to do with the fact that Dad recently remarried?

Did he?

Mother, I think maybe it's time to start dating again. You know, seriously.

Now, why would I want to do that?

I don't know. It just might be a more fun way to spend Saturday night than

sitting in that big house in Philadelphia watching Fatal Attraction

over.

Look, Daddy's obviously moved on with his life.

I think you should be able to move on with yours.

Well, I'll think about it.

You're never going to believe what's happened. I may just self -destruct

in this chair. You will never believe it, never in a million years.

I'll bite. What's going on? What's going on?

What's going on? Oh, nothing much.

My mother just announced she's moving in with me. Not for a few days, not for a

few weeks, forever.

Other than that, my life is just swell.

Your mother wants to live with you?

Why would anybody want to do a thing like that?

Oh, good, Miles. Walk up to a bear and poke it with a stick.

Now, Murphy, it sounds to me like your mother's just a little lonely.

She's been divorced for how long? Fifteen years? That's my theory. She

start dating again.

Of course, we're talking about the pickiest woman I know.

Oh, who am I kidding? She's never going to start a relationship now.

All right, I found one.

Mother, I thought you were at the house.

Found one what?

A man.

talking about? You left the office less than two hours ago.

Well, what you said made perfect sense, and there was no point in wasting time,

so I took a taxi to the National Gallery, and I stood at the foot of the

escalator and watched all of the men that rode up or down, and then I picked

one. Oh, God, my mother's gone crazy.

I followed my selection up to the third floor. I noticed he was quite attractive

with a nice head of hair.

And he wore no wedding band on his strong spatulate fingers, although he

perfect. He wore those pants with no belt loops, but I could work on that.

Anyway, I engaged him in conversation and invited him to dinner, and he

accepted. Mother, you can't do this. You can't stalk innocent people in a

museum. Besides, you have no idea who this man is. He could be a bigamist or

axe murderer.

He's a lovely man.

And recently he sold a small appliance company for quite a lot of money. And,

Murphy, best of all, he has a son.

A son? Did you hear that, Murphy? He has a son!

Mother, I have an awful feeling I know where this is going, and the answer is

no. Oh, Murphy, don't be so scodgy. Take a little of your own advice.

Everyone needs companionship, and this could turn out to be Mr.

Right. Tell her, everybody.

Tell her!

Murphy,

it's 7 o 'clock. Why aren't you dressed?

Because I don't want to go, Mother.

Dating is painful.

Men see me on TV every week being tough and competitive, and they assume that's

all there is to me. They wind up being intimidated, and I never hear from them

again. Besides, we don't even know these guys' names, do we? Of course we know

them. My date's name is Theodore Wilkes, and his son's name is Bob.

Exciting name, Bob.

Spelled backwards as Bob.

Mother, I want you to promise me something. That when these guys get

you'll tell them I'm not feeling well and that I'll be excusing myself early.

They're here. Promise me, Mother. Promise me or I'm going right out the

window. All right.

How could I raise such a prude? Open the door.

Theodore, hello again.

And hello to you, Avery. Boy, you look just great.

Oh, thank you very much, Theodore. So do you.

Oh, I see you're wearing a belt. I like that in a man.

Oh, hi.

I'm Theodore Wilkes.

You must be Avery's dog. Right. Nice to meet you.

So, I guess old Bob couldn't make it, huh?

Oh, no. He's here. He's parking the car.

Say, has anybody ever told you that you have Murphy Brown's face?

This is Murphy Brown's face. I'm Murphy Brown.

Well, I'll be a son of a gun.

This is more exciting than the time I saw Kay Ballard at the car wash.

I can see where you get your good looks.

You're going to make me blush, Theodore.

I almost forgot. I brought you a little something.

For me?

It's a travel blender. One of my biggest sellers.

It's got a frap speed.

None of my competitors have a frap speed.

How lovely and yet practical.

And I do love a good fan.

I had to park around the block. One jerk with a white Porsche took up two

parking spaces.

Is that Bob? Is this Bob? Are you Bob?

That's me, Bob.

Well, hello, Bob.

I'm Murphy, the jerk with the white Porsche.

Good one, Bob. Mind if I go out and try this entrance again?

Oh, there's no need to do that, really. There's just no need.

Uh, do you know my mom?

Uh, Bob, Mom, and do you know your dad? Well, yeah, I guess you do.

Shall we go into the living room and get acquainted?

Bob, why don't you tell Murphy what you do for a living?

I'm sure that whatever it is, she'll find it fascinating.

Well, I'm not sure how fascinating it is sitting in an office with a view of

Millie's doghouse.

I'm one of the White House speechwriters.

No kidding.

Wow. You didn't by any chance have anything to do with Barbara Bush's

the Wellesley graduates, did you?

Well, sort of. I wrote it.

Wow. I'm impressed.

That was one of the most brilliant speeches I've ever heard.

Well, thanks. Thanks a lot.

You know what, Bob? A funny thing happened earlier. Your father said to

said, you have Murphy Brown's face.

How about that, huh?

Good going, Dad.

I am Murphy Brown, you know. I know.

Oh, listen, I'm sorry I didn't make a big deal about it. You know, once you've

seen the president making French toast in his underwear, you get a little blasé

about celebrities.

I hope I didn't insult you. Oh, you didn't.

Good, because I lied.

My palms feel like wet sponges, and if I'd ever seen you make French toast in

your underwear, I know I'd never forget it.

I know I should mention that...

Murphy isn't feeling well, and she may have to make her early apologies.

Oh, actually, Mother, I'm feeling great. Remember how just before Bob got here,

I said I was feeling better? Remember that?

No.

I'm starting to forget things, too.

So, what are we going to do tonight?

Oh, this isn't what I'm wearing. I just didn't want a wrinkle.

Don't you think it would be fun to do something new and exciting? I don't know

exactly what. We could all get in the car and drive around.

And I think we'll recognize it when we see it. What do you say?

Let me get this straight, Mother.

You just want to cruise around in the dark until you find some action

That's right.

Yes, sir.

Are you sure this is the way you want to spend the evening? I feel a little

overbreast. I knew I'd like this place the minute I set my eyes on it. It

dangerous. I just want to mention once more, we passed a really cute little ice

cream parlor a few blocks down.

They had antique ceiling fans.

Could be a lot of fun. What do you think?

I want to stay here.

Good for you, Avery.

Come on, Dad. Let's get some drinks and some pretzels.

If anybody gets you any trouble, you just tell them you're with that big guy

over there.

You're so great, Mother. You're absolutely right. Sometimes you just

shut your eyes and jump in with both feet.

If I could give you a little advice, Murphy, try to act like a lady.

Men don't like women that are too aggressive or know more than they do or

their own car doors.

Beer, soda, and plenty of pretzels. Everybody help themselves.

We picked out four poles, one for each of us.

These are called tubes.

Can you see this little piece of chalk here?

Take this and you rub it.

On top of the cue, like so.

And we do that so the cue doesn't slip when we contact the ball.

Ted, you know so much about this.

Okay. How do you say we play teams, two against two? Great idea. Although I just

feel I should tell you up front, I'm not exactly a novice at this game. I spend

a lot of time on the road with crew.

Then it wouldn't be fair for you and me to be on the same team. My four years at

Yale, I was unbeaten. Well, what do you say we play boys against girls?

Fine with me. Okay with me. I'm for that.

Well, ladies, what's your pleasure?

How about a little game of eight ball? Eight ball?

It's for amateurs. Now, nine ball, that's a game of skill. You need the

a surgeon for nine ball.

Unless you really like to play eight ball, that would be fine. Nope, nine

fine. Let's make it even more interesting.

We have to call our shots.

What do you say we let the ladies have the first break?

It was all yours, wasn't it?

Okay, mother.

Watch me very carefully.

Oh, nice break. You really have done this before.

Step aside, gentlemen.

Deuce in the corner.

Yes! Who is she?

Good one.

Touch. You know what I like about you, Murphy?

You don't feel you have to let the man win just to boost his ego.

Three in the side pocket. I mean, it's great that men and women have gotten to

the point where they don't have to be threatened by each other. Ha! You

I guess it's my turn.

Three in the corner.

That's my boy.

Look -de, look -de, look -de.

Very nicely done.

Four in the side.

That's not fair. Somebody coughed.

And this table's not level. Look, it should have gone in. Should have, but I

could have. Give us some room. It's my mother's shot.

Are we winning?

Yes, Mother. Now, you just try to get that purple ball into that pocket over

there. You don't have to hit it hard.

Here, Avery. Let me show you.

Now, you just, uh, just let it slide right through your fingers.

You see?

Like so.

Oh, poo.

But she was very close, wasn't she, Bob?

Very close.

They're patronizing us, Mother. It's a cover. You know why?

Because they're scared.

Well,

ladies, looks like you're about to lose your fifth game. Or is it sixth? I've

lost track. What are these, cobwebs?

Can I get you something to read while you wait your turn?

Maybe war and peace?

I hate this, Mother. The brown women are being humiliated. You're handling it so

well. I don't know how you do it. Wish I could follow your lead.

After all, it is just a game.

Ouch!

Well, all good things must end.

But not for long.

Your turn, Avery.

Don't worry, honey. Nobody expects too much from you.

Remember, this is a man's game. It's in our genes.

What an interesting theory.

You two gentlemen will want to find chairs and sit in them.

I may be here for a while.

Eight in the corner pops.

Lucky shot.

Not my ass.

Well, they won't be doing.

How are you doing it?

You remember your father's pool table?

Well. If it's 1952 and your husband doesn't want you to have a career and

at home with a child, you find something to amuse you.

This was mine.

I'll be sure to put this in my memoirs under the chapter Great Men Who Run

Screaming Out of My Life.

Oh, God, Mother, what is it with us?

Why can't we take the easy route once in a while?

Because it's boring and dishonest and uncomfortable, like wearing a pair of

shoes all day that pinch your feet.

I know, but sometimes I wish I were a different kind of person.

Mother, did you ever think you might be alone forever?

Oh, yes.

Many times.

Your father and I, one of our favorite things to do on a Sunday afternoon was

make a big fire and just sit by it and read.

I haven't done that for a long time.

Sometimes I start to make a fire, and then I think, but there's only me now.

What's the point?

It's foolish, I know.

Well, he's to be married now.

Well, at least you can say that for however long it lasted, you've been in

I mean, really in love once in your life.

I don't think that happens to everybody.

Murphy, I never read you fairy tales as a child.

The knight in shining armor doesn't always ride up on his white horse to

us.

We have to make our own way.

Well...

This has been quite a day, hasn't it?

And now I think we should try to get some sleep.

I have to catch a plane tomorrow. Mother, you're going tomorrow?

But why?

I suddenly feel much better about everything.

It seems that I can still shake things up at my age.

And frankly, I'm not sure that we're compatible as roommates.

You don't seem able to keep up with me.

Oh, Mother, you don't have to go home tomorrow. Stay a few days more. We could

talk.

We could go back to the pool hall.

My daughter, you have your own life.

And it's a very good one.

Now, let's get our beauty sleep.

Although... It is a nice night for a fire.