Original subtitles

Working in a coal mine, going down, down, down. Working in a coal mine,

slip down.

Working in a coal mine, going down, down, down. Working in a coal mine,

slip down.

Five o 'clock in the morning, I'm already up and gone.

Lord, I'm so tired.

How long?

Well,

what do you know?

Here it is, 10 o 'clock, and Murphy's late for another story meeting.

It's my fault. I let her get away with too much.

Hey, you know what we should do?

Let's all go stand by the elevator just looking at our watches. That way, when

she gets here, she'll feel really humiliated. Come on.

This will be good. Come on.

Okay, let's go. It's after ten. I thought we were supposed to have a

Some of us have been working on a story since seven.

You know, you really should do something about your lateness problem, Miles.

We'd least just start the meeting. Right, let's start the meeting because I

the greatest... Why bother? There isn't going to be a show. We're going on a

strike. I just know it. You don't know it, Frank.

The networks will do everything they can to keep the on -camera personnel from

walking out. Now we have to keep positive thoughts and proceed as usual.

proceed with my story. My fabulous story. Well, nobody... hate me for this,

I would mind a little strike.

I've been under a lot of stress lately, and I could use a paid vacation.

Corky, when people go out on strike, they don't get paid.

Oh, sure, Frank.

Now that I have your attention,

I'd like to tell you about my story idea.

I have landed an interview with James Chandler.

You're kidding!

To the track! To the wall!

It's a home run!

Chandler has to talk to reporters since his savings alone went belly up. It was

the biggest bankruptcy in American history. There's just one thing.

Chandler's trial starts next week and the judge will probably impose a gag

order. So I have to do the interview on this week's show. I'm telling you, there

is not going to be a show. There's going to be a strike.

Then the network is going to start rerunning all the old FYI broadcasts,

sooner or later, they're going to get to the one where my toupee blew into a

sewer grate.

How could we not get paid?

I don't know why you're wasting all this time talking about a strike. Let's not

forget who's a negotiator for our side.

Jim the Killer Dio. He's been at the bargaining table around the clock since

yesterday morning. We've got nothing to worry about.

Strike. Toad!

Maybe this is just a temporary impasse.

I bet negotiations will pick up any minute. I mean, these are all reasonable

people, right, Jim?

Oh, yes, very reasonable.

At 6 a .m., a fistfight broke out over the last raisin bagel.

I feel to everyone to put aside petty differences, but soon things

to the point where grown men and women were resorting to name -calling. I've

never been so frustrated in my life.

Good morning, everybody.

And here's the head weenie now.

I'm so sorry. I haven't slept. I'm wearing yesterday's socks. No, that's

right. No need to apologize. I understand.

Emotions are running high.

As a matter of fact, kids, that's the reason I stopped by. It's important for

to remember that no matter what, we're family.

Well said. You know, people's strikes happen. We've been through all of this

before. You have a little piece of raisin in your teeth, Jean.

Well, I've never been in a strike before.

There's so many things I don't know. Questions about ethics and behavior.

How do we deal with a violence issue?

And what about protection on the picket line?

Do they provide sunblock or do we bring our own?

Let me help you with this, Corky. First lesson, do not talk to management.

We are going out in support of our brothers and sisters in the smaller

who don't have the same benefits we do. That's called solidarity. A proud

tradition of labor whose blood and sweat made this country great. Oh, come on,

Frank. You know Gene doesn't want this strike any more than we do.

Thank you, Brownie. You're welcome, Gene.

But we do have a problem. Because of the strike, we're going to lose an

interview with James Chandler. Now, I don't have to tell you that the S &L

crisis affects the entire country.

You have James Chandler? Well, this is a whole new ballgame. I mean, we don't

want to jeopardize that. Brownie, thank you for bringing this to my attention.

No problem, Gene.

I was hoping I wouldn't have to do this, but looks like I'm going to have to

hire substitute anchors.

Excuse me? No, no, you're absolutely right, Brownie. This is too important an

interview to lose.

But I want you all to understand, there's nothing personal in this. This

purely a business decision.

Of course, Gene, we understand.

Oh, and by the way, is that your head or is your neck blowing a bubble?

Well,

if that's the way you want to play it, let me just remind you all once again,

this is my property, and you all have to get off. You have until noon.

I had a hard time getting through the picket line.

Morley Sabre was lying in the street blocking the main entrance.

Yeah, I just stepped on him.

Well, Silverberg, I got big news, but all in due time. First, let's order.

Phil, my good man, I will have a Philburger.

I'm sorry.

Those are our regular menus.

This is what you gentlemen will be using today.

Chopped steak on a bun, executive style. Now, what's the difference between this

and a Philburger?

Five bucks.

You're ordering from our management menu.

Oh, jeez, Phil, I thought this bar was neutral territory.

You have Phil's confused with Switzerland.

I'll speak executive style.

Make it two. Two executive burgers.

Would either of you gentlemen care to purchase some ketchup for that? No,

you.

All right, Silverberg, let's get down to business here. Now, do you remember

last year when Jim was in Libya on assignment and we had a guest anchor

for him? Do I ever.

Miller Redfield. What a clown.

Arrogant, incompetent. And very much in demand because he's willing to cross the

picket line.

And that's why we've hired him to replace Murphy.

With all due respect, Mr. Kinsella, the man was a

disaster. He froze on the air. His questions were incoherent. He still run

highlights of it on Letterman.

Well, he's mature now.

Yes, a year with our bureau in Kuala Lumpur did him a world of good.

But, sir, the pressure of carrying a network show, a live show. Well, that's

where you come in, Silverbird. You'll work with him. You'll make him great.

And besides, I'm not asking him to go on the air by himself and fly solo. No,

no, no. I plan to take over Jim's anchor spot myself.

You?

Gee, how about that?

You on the air, Mr. Godzilla.

I never would have thought of that. Nope.

Never in a million years?

Well, looks like taking away our jobs wasn't enough. Now they want our table.

Miles? Gene?

Hey. Hello. How you guys doing? You holding up okay? I miss you.

Pete's sick, Miles.

It's only been one day.

Not that it's been particularly enjoyable walking on the picket line.

Sam Donaldson brought his dog.

I've always hated Chester.

Try to march in circles with a lonely cocker spaniel attached to your leg.

We will. For too long, we proletarians have toiled and struggled so that you

capitalist pigs can live off the sweat from our backs.

We're throwing off the shackles of servitude.

Power to the people.

So tell us, Gene, how's the great FYI talent surge coming?

Well, actually, we've been very fortunate in that regard. Right,

Oh, not that we could ever replace you, Murphy.

But as luck would have it, I was able to convince a rising new star to join our

family.

Well, there he is now.

Hey, over here.

Good to see you, guys.

I believe you all know Miller Redfield. Miller, you remember Miles Silverberg?

Sure do.

Hiya, boss.

Hello.

These unemployed people look familiar, too.

After the way you ran me off the air last time, you probably thought I was

finished. I told you I'd be back.

Everything that goes around comes back to Capistrano.

Gee, Miller, we are surprised to see you. Who's covering the news in Kuala

Lumpur? What if there's a four -donkey pileup during our show?

Mr. Redfield, I've been in the union for almost 30 years. I've fought long and

hard to bring a degree of credibility to our profession, so when I see someone

like you cross the picket lines, I'm reminded of Judas at the Last Supper.

at least somebody's on my side.

No!

Excuse me, but as much as I've enjoyed our little reunion, I have a new show to

plan.

Gene, you mentioned something on the phone about a hot interview I'm supposed

do? Hey, I'm always ready for a scoop.

So who is this James Chandler guy?

Oh, my God!

You're giving my interview to Miller?

What happened? You couldn't get Mr. Ed?

You have nothing to worry about, Brownie. Nothing to worry about. I've

journalist who can rise to the occasion. Right, son?

You bet.

I suddenly lost my appetite. Come on, guys, let's go.

Did you strike over yet?

Nope.

Are you going to get dressed today?

I'm just trying to keep myself busy taking care of some chores around the

I don't know why you'd have a problem with that. You painted the laundry room.

wanted to do that.

Oh, and am I supposed to guess these things?

You know, we never talk anymore, Eldon. You notice that?

You know, we've had this problem before. Now, maybe we're just one of those

couples that can't spend a lot of time together now.

I hate to admit that's true, but maybe we just have to accept that.

I'll get it.

Yeah, it could be your picket, Captain. He called earlier.

He said there wouldn't be any picketing today. I suggested maybe he wants to

take you out of town for the weekend.

Well,

hey, Murphy.

You're home.

What you doing? Something fun?

I'm putting identification stickers in every one of my books.

It is fun and practical, too.

Speaking of fun...

I just stopped by to tell you about some of the hilarious goings -on over at

FYI.

Oh, where to start?

Miller Redfield.

Murphy, I think Miller Redfield is an even bigger idiot than we thought.

Not possible.

Oh, you'll like this.

He smokes a pipe now.

He just walks around the office smoking his pipe.

I've coached him on the entire SNL issue. The Justice Department won't

the case, and the Senate Subcommittee report doesn't come out for another two

weeks. We've basically got nothing, and it's all on my shoulders, and I feel

like I'm drowning.

Not much to go on without that Senate report.

It really nailed Chandler.

How do you know?

I read it over the weekend. I've got a mole in the Senate, and he finds the

darndest things lying around the Xerox room.

Yes! Oh, I'm saved! I'm saved! I knew you would crack that story.

Boy, too bad I'm on strike.

Right. I realize that.

And I would never ask you to compromise yourself in any way.

I know that.

But if you had suggestions for one or two questions... Because these strikes

aren't personal?

Right. No, Miles, I think they're very personal. It's my profession, and I

make a joke of it by writing questions for you to give to a guy who thinks

Nelson Mandela is a country western singer.

You know, Murphy, the only reason I came to you is because you're the best.

No one else can touch you, and I'm just blessed to have been born in the same

lifetime as you. Goodbye, Miles. I never should have gone the flattery route.

Dumb, dumb, dumb.

You know, someday you're going to want something from me, and then we'll just

see.

You're never going to need anything from me. Stupid, stupid.

Life? Man, I feel something great in the air.

Electric.

Silverberg, let me ask you your advice.

For my sign -off, I was thinking of saying, be well, be wise, be with us

week.

If you think that's too wordy, I could just say, harmony. What do you think?

Gee, gee, it's so hard to choose.

We usually rely on John for these kind of decisions, John.

I think Harmony's funnier.

I'd go with Harmony.

Hello, everybody. Hey, best crew in television.

Good to see you again. Hi, Bill. John.

Exactly right. Good to be back.

Hey there, hairbrush lady.

Okay, cameras.

Let's have a good show. Now, who's got my close -up?

That would be me.

I just want to say one thing.

Three -quarter shot, this side of the face, and never, never a profile.

And I just want to say one thing.

I didn't like you the last time you were here, and I don't like you now.

You're taking the bread right out of my Murphy's mouth, and that's the same as

taking it out of mine.

Well, from where I'm standing, it looks like you could do with a little less

bread.

Pretty mouth.

Do you know how big those lips will look with a fisheye lens?

Two minutes, people.

Hi, Miller.

This is it.

Are you ready? Do you have your material straight in your mind?

As a matter of fact, Miles, I've been doing a lot of thinking about this

and loan business.

I mean, all this mumbo -gumbo about bankruptcy and the Justice Department.

it's boring.

So, I've come up with a whole new line of questions.

Listen to this.

Tell me, Mr. Chandler.

Why is it that when a savings and loan validates your parking, they rarely give

you more than 20 minutes?

Are you serious?

You can't ask him that.

Hey, I know it's tough, but I think it's fair. Okay, all right. Let's listen to

this one.

Why are the lines so long on Friday afternoons and at lunch, too? I'm really

going to nail him with that. All right, one minute to air.

Let us pray.

You know, Phil, Down at Chad's, they have one of those big screen

TVs. They also have a two -drink minimum instead of letting people sit around

and nurse one beer for five hours like you, Frank. Any other comments?

Nice reception.

This podcast is a difficult and nerve -wracking job.

He deserves our respect for giving it his best effort.

For your information on tonight's show... For your information on

show... For your information... Ah, spit it out, you old fool!

Spit some more, you look like the exorcist!

I don't care. What happened to Miller?

Hey, everybody.

It's Miller time.

Give me six drinks. They don't all have to be the same.

Sorry, no shirt, no shoes, no frames, no service.

Miller, don't tell me this time you got fired before you opened your mouth.

Boy, you must feel really bad.

Go ahead and laugh.

The Redfields have been laughed at for generations.

And we're still here.

And we'll be here till the end of time. Just us and the cockroaches. You'll see.

Oh, no, you won't. You won't be here.

Well, look who's come crawling back. Murphy. I need to talk to Murphy.

Murphy, may I have about 1 minute 47 seconds of your time? Why, of course,

Miles. Whatever can I do for you?

This is serious. When I came to you before, I know you didn't want to help

pups. Well, that putz is now this putz. Murphy, the show's in trouble. You have

to tell me. What does the Senate report say?

Now, don't do this to me.

You're putting me in a terribly difficult position.

You're in a difficult position? I have to get up in front of 24 million people

and exactly... Oh, God! Oh, God!

Murphy.

Murphy. I know that you're dedicated to this strike, and I respect that. I

really do. You said that you take these things personally.

Well, so do I.

I'm your friend. I need your help.

That's the Senate report. Would you? Because if I did, I... Because if I did,

then you'd know to ask Chandler questions like why did he double bill

company for every business trip he took over the last seven years.

Thank you.

Well, Murphy, you're nothing but a stinking collaborator. And you know what

do to collaborators?

We shave their legs.

Their heads. We shave their heads.

Look, you guys, what else could I do? Miles is a friend and he's in trouble.

How many times has he been there for us? It wouldn't kill us to return the favor

just once.

But it won't be just once. Miles is going to keep coming back to you for

And the more you help him, the longer this strike is going to last.

That's not helping anybody, Murphy, including Miles.

Oh, that's not going to happen. Frank, Miles knows how hard this is for me.

not going to ask me for my help again.

All right, we're coming back from commercial.

Four, three, two... Hi.

Welcome back to FYI.

I'm Miles Silverberg, here with James Chandler.

Mr. Chandler, I think we can all agree that an executive can expect to be

reimbursed for his legitimate expenses.

However, while your institution was falling into the largest bankruptcy in

American history, you were charging your impoverished company for twice your

actual expenses.

and simply embezzling the difference.

Is that how you run a savings and loan?

No comment.

No comment.

No comment you say.

So let me just get this straight.

You're not going to make a comment.

No comment at all.

That's correct.

Okay.

So, maybe we want to throw this open to the rest of our team. Mr. Kinsella.

lost him. He had the perfect opening to nail the guy and he missed it.

Ask him about parking validation. That's what America wants to know.

Murphy!

He didn't answer the question.

I think he senses I'm a rookie.

He's going to stonewall me through the whole interview. Now, I've seen you

these guys before. You have to tell me how you do it.

Wait a minute, Miles.

Let me just understand this.

Are you asking me to help you again?

Again? Yes, Murphy, I need this, please.

Please. I'm dying out there.

Okay, Miles, here's what you do.

When you're back on the air with Chandler, ask him the question again.

Then just look at him. Don't say a word.

What are you saying? Just sit there staring at him? Well, he just sits there

stares back. We'll have nothing but dead air. Not for long.

This will take a tremendous amount of self -control on your part, but

the silence will get to him and he'll talk.

You'll see.

everything you want to know will just come pouring out of him.

Really? It's an old reporter's technique. I learned it from Mike

probably shouldn't even be giving it to you. Murph, what are you helping him

for? Why don't you just tell him all our secrets? Thanks for nothing, Murphy.

Oh, God!

I give this strike another 20 minutes.