Original subtitles

Oh yes!

The fate of the stealth bomber. Really hate it.

The Miss USSR contest.

Really, really hate it. Oh, stop it, Miles. You're just sitting there like

little king.

What's wrong with you?

I'm getting a cold.

I can feel it starting in the back of my throat.

I used to be better at fighting these things off.

I'd visualize my white blood cells as the powerful American army and the virus

as the bad Russians.

Now we like the Russians.

Maybe I'll try the Chinese.

Or some Islamic splinter group.

No, I could never win against them. They're fanatics.

Maybe a United Germany.

Yeah, I'll try that.

All right, Miles.

I wasn't going to lay this on you today because it's not completely developed,

but since you need something to cheer you up, I'm on to a scam.

A ring of medical assistants who are selling drugs on the black market.

Really? You're not just toying with me, Frank. No way. The next step is for me

to see if I can get one of these assistants to sell me some drugs. I

Gotta come up with the right disguise.

Not the old bum again, Frank. We're sick of it.

Oh, very nice. You're having a meeting and no one tells me. Well, fine. Leave

out. See if I care.

No reason to be upset.

We didn't want to disturb you. I knew you were working on your new story.

What's wrong with you, Frank? I'm going undercover.

I need a new identity.

Good. We're all sick of that bum.

What's wrong with you?

I'm getting a fever.

My glands are the size of golf balls.

Here, feel this right here. I'm not touching you, Miles, anywhere, ever.

And if you think you might be dying, you better have a look at this before you

go. It'll make you proud to know me. Finish the safe sex piece.

The statistics are mind -boggling. AIDS and pregnancy in teens are at a record

high, but when a high school in Ohio started to distribute condoms to its

students, it set off a huge controversy.

It's very hot stuff. You made sure to include all points of view? You feel the

piece is balanced? You could put it on a scale, it's so balanced. But I guess

you'll be the judge of that.

Morning, Ms. Sproul.

What do you want me to do with your mail? Oh, I'll take it here, Ray.

My secretary went to the ladies' room six days ago.

Something tells me she's not coming back.

Thanks, Ray.

My name's Bob.

It is not, Ray.

Here's your mail, Mr. Fontana.

Here's yours, Mr. Zell.

This is for you, Miss Sherwood.

Here you go, Mr. Silver.

Congratulations. You may have already won a million dollars.

Now, here's an interesting envelope.

Obviously a fan letter, or another two -for -one sale at Victoria's Secret.

To the chairman of Woodco House Cleaning Products, sir. I understand that you're

a sponsor of the news program, FYI. I read in the paper that an upcoming

will deal with condoms and teenagers.

A subject I feel has no place on television. If you sponsor this program,

feel compelled to boycott your product. Boycott your product. Very truly yours,

Mrs. Marianne Miller.

She sent copies to everyone from the sales staff all the way up to the

of the network.

Uh -oh, this could be a problem.

Why do you think it could be a problem, Miles? A woman wrote a letter to a

sponsor. Big deal. But, Murphy, didn't you hear that? Somebody hates us. I've

never been hated before.

I'm a white Anglo -Saxon Protestant with a higher TVQ than Barbara Mandrell.

Come on, you guys. Nobody takes these letters seriously.

And besides, we're journalists.

imagine the network brass telling us to yank an important piece of reporting

just because somebody finds the subject matter threatening now if you'll excuse

me i've had that picture of my dry cleaner on my dartboard for over a month

think i found my next guest of honor love sandwich

blt grilled cheese lightly toasted about two miles i'm not sure

Guys, can anyone remember if it's starve a cold and feed a fever or feed a cold

and starve a fever?

It's feed a cold, Miles.

Feed it plenty.

Now, my own personal remedy is a nice big plate of meatloaf. Trust me on this.

Wait a minute.

Wasn't meatloaf last night special?

So what?

Meatloaf is a natural antibiotic.

Everybody knows that.

I'm feeling pretty good.

I'd be very surprised if I were contagious.

Okay, Miles, you can stick with us. But don't breathe on anything.

Thanks.

What are we talking about?

Well, I'm just about ready to go undercover and see if I can buy some of

black market drugs.

What in the world is that supposed to be, Frank? A bull on a hot tin roof?

This is driving me nuts. I've got to hit on the right character, the right

voice, the clothes, the mannerisms.

Oh, God.

There's the part of my brain that does long divisions.

Think about my situation. Oh, this is absurd. We're a new show. We can't be

subject to these pressures.

Everyone, you know Al Henderson from the sales department. Hello, everybody. I

was just expecting my gratitude to Jim here.

Thanks for playing on the same team. Thanks for all pulling together.

Something wrong, Al? You bet something's wrong.

Now that you've decided to do a story about condoms, I can't get sponsors for

your show.

I can't sell commercial time.

No sponsors.

Come on, it's not a story about condoms. It's about a national health crisis.

You spend 78 hours a day on the phone with these sponsors.

They hear Shirley Temple Black interview, they're fine.

They hear Trojans. It better be about a big wooden horse.

Look, Al, as the father of two teenagers, you should be glad we're

information available so that something can be done about a very real problem.

Cut it out, Frank.

Look, some parent...

has been writing these sponsors, threatening to boycott their products if

advertise on FYI.

You mean that pink envelope lady? Don't tell me the sponsors are listening to

her. If one woman feels this way, the sponsors figure there are thousands,

millions more like her. And what about the millions who might disagree with

They don't take time to write letters. Why?

Well, I'd love to stay and theorize about that, but I've got to get back to

finding you a sponsor.

I'm very hopeful.

This morning I got a nibble from Little Mort's house of carpets.

Al Henderson, right above Krill on the food chain.

You know the frustrating part? This letter writer, she's probably a very

woman from a small town somewhere who doesn't understand what we're trying to

do. I bet if I could meet her, if I had the chance to reason with her, that...

Oh, like you reasoned with Elizabeth Dole?

I didn't push her into the reflecting pool. She fell.

Maybe there's something to what Murphy is saying.

If we were to fly her out here, let her see firsthand the hard work we put into

our stories to make them fair and accurate. Of course we'd fly her out

class. Put her up in the best hotel, a little studio tour.

Give her a little dinner at Sardella's. And then, while she's still excited over

seeing me in person, we'll talk her out of this stupid boycott.

I like it.

Okay, that's it.

Operation Betty Crocker.

Oh, God.

It's wearing off.

And I can't take another one for 32 minutes.

Oh, Miles.

I can't. It says I'm not allowed to operate heavy machinery.

Too bad. Now you won't be able to take that backhoe out on the beltway.

Where are my lozenges?

Where are my lozenges?

Jim, did you take them?

Yes, Miles, I took them. I took them and I hid them in my office. And now no one

will ever be able to have them but me.

Murphy. When she arrives, greet her warmly and ask her if she'd like a nice

slice of the butt cake I made.

You might want to compliment her on her traveling outfit.

Corky, would you let her handle this? Murphy's not a social misfit, for

sakes. Try not to spit at the woman, Murphy.

You guys quit worrying. I can handle this. It'll be fine.

Excuse me. I'm Murphy Brown's new secretary. Could you tell me where she

Over there, ma 'am. Good luck.

Murphy Brown?

Ah, yes.

Hello and welcome. We're all delighted that you've come here today. I'm sorry

I'm a little bit late. I have to tell you I've never been to a television

production office before.

Is it always so busy?

Just responsible people doing a responsible job putting important

together for the public good. Jim Dyer. Hello.

Corky Sherwood. Hello. Hello.

Lyle Silverberg. I have a cold.

We sit down, have some coffee, and get to know each other. And look, there's a

cake of some sort.

A butt cake.

Yes, bunt.

From the German, I believe. Yes, from the German.

Butt beating cake, I suppose.

This is very thoughtful.

And not at all what I expected.

I don't know what to say.

Well, then let me start.

I know that talking about sex isn't always easy. Am I right?

But in today's society, the reality is people have sex.

Which brings us to the subject of condoms.

So why don't you go right ahead and tell us how you feel about that?

You know, personnel warned me about you, but this is too much.

When I worked for Spiro Agnew, all I had to do was let him rest his head on my

boozle.

Miss Brown, I'm Ariane Miller. I believe that you're expecting me. What?

Oh, right.

Hello and welcome. We're all delighted that you've come here today.

Let's have cake.

Only some of it's missing.

That's very kind of you, but I'm on a bit of a schedule and I'd expect that

you're busy too. So why don't I come right to the point?

Sure, but maybe I should introduce you to the FYI staff. No, that's not

necessary. FYI has always been one of my favorite programs.

That's why I was particularly disappointed to learn that you're

education. We're not promoting anything. We're simply reporting a story.

When you tell my children how to prevent pregnancy and sexually transmitted

diseases, you're telling them it's all right to have premarital sex.

Well, it's not all right with me. Mrs. Miller, our piece is not biased in any

way. We've devoted a significant portion of the show to school board members who

share your point of view.

I have a cold.

Young man, these are public airwaves.

It's not your place to educate me or my children about sexuality.

That's my role as a parent.

Now, all I have is some stationery, a stamp, and the right to choose what I

And so far, the sponsors have been very willing to listen.

Well, I can see I'm not going to convince you here.

Why don't we go for a little walk by the reflecting pool?

Now, Murphy, I have a much better idea.

Why don't you and I go have some lunch, then stop off at Elizabeth Arden for a

facial?

You'll find that you can think much clearer when your pores are unclogged.

No, thank you. There's an FCC hearing on community standards I'm due to attend.

In fact, I better be going right now. Goodbye.

Mrs. Miller, perhaps we do have differing viewpoints, but let me assure

are responsible professionals who care as deeply about the morality of this

country as you do. And furthermore, I believe that you'll find... Hey, guys!

Uncle Frankie's good!

Benny's daft on upper's wrist. I got every kind of drug under the sun.

You people are really amazing.

Is Hugh Downs the only decent journalist left in this country?

If you want me, I'll be in my truck, making an entry in my diary.

Great, the Eldon papers.

Hello, Eldon.

I wouldn't go inside if I were you. She's just sitting there whining about

petty problems.

Yo, if you want, you can join me in my truck for a cappuccino.

Hi, Murphy.

Do you have a cup of herbal tea?

Miles, how did it go in New York?

Do you know what it's like to fly on an airplane while you have a cold?

I don't know the exact medical term, but it's best described as having someone

pull your teeth out through your nose.

But when the head of the network summons you up to the really big building so

that he can call you on the carpet, you go.

On the bright side, my ears were so plugged, I couldn't hear half the things

was yelling at me.

Didn't you show him the cassette?

Didn't he see how balanced the piece is? He appreciated it.

But he still wanted to know why it was costing the network one million dollars

in lost sales.

One million dollars.

What did you say to him? I said, one million dollars.

Isn't that what you spent on the mini Pearl pilot?

He didn't laugh.

A woman with a bug came in and took my cup of tea away.

This is unbelievable.

We're journalists.

If we bow to every special interest group, what's going to happen to the

integrity of network news?

That was my argument exactly.

Except I was saying it to myself in an elevator hurtling down to the lobby.

So I did something.

I told the president of the network I would resign if we couldn't cut a deal.

So what happened?

Excuse me.

We did.

If we could get one sponsor to show support for us, to back us, then we

run the story.

Yes, we have one sponsor left. I checked with Al Henderson this morning. I know

about the sponsor, Murphy.

Consolidated baked goods. I talked to Al from the plane. He says they're very

shaky. They're as good as gone.

So that's it.

It's over.

I know.

I tried.

Wait a minute. What are we doing? We're caving.

I only caved one other time in memory, and that's because he said he was

shipping out in the morning to the Peace Corps.

I don't want to be a quitter, Murphy.

I don't.

I just want to lie down somewhere and drain.

It's consolidated baked goods. Where are their corporate headquarters?

My old... Listen to me. This is important. Try to read my lips. Where

headquarters?

Chicago, I think.

There's a late plane out tonight.

I can't go on another plane.

I know there's just a slim chance, but the pilot could die.

And then they'd ask me to fly the plane.

And I'd have to say, I'm not allowed to operate heavy machinery.

Oh, God, you're hallucinating.

Miles, you don't have to go to Chicago.

I'll go.

Believe me, when Murphy Brown walks into their office...

The tide will turn.

Hello, I have a 10 o 'clock appointment with Mr. Bryant. I'm Murphy Brown. And

please don't feel you have to make a fuss or give me any special treatment

because you see me on TV every week.

I don't have a TV. I have a life.

Hello, I'm Marianne Miller. I have a 10 o 'clock appointment with Mr. Bryant.

Well, look who it is.

I didn't expect to see you here. My words, exactly.

So, just passing through Chicago, are you? I think we both know why we're

Look, I may not agree with your stand, Mrs. Miller, but I have to say I respect

your commitment.

I think the people who are on my side have a lot to learn about the importance

of speaking up.

Well, thank you.

I'd also like to say that as far as this meeting is concerned, you're dead meat.

I have a certain reputation for getting what I want.

And I want this piece to air very, very much.

So, don't feel you have to hang around here.

Have another trip home.

Hello. Welcome to Consolidated Baked Goods. Well, thank you, Mr. Bryant. What

pleasure. And let me just say how great it is to be in Chicago, the windy city,

land of the big shoulders. Go Cubs! Oh, and here's an FYI hat.

Cannot be bought in any store.

Well, thank you.

And you must be Mrs. Miller?

Yes. How do you do?

Look, I have a very tight schedule today. Since you each wanted to state

case, I thought we'd save time by doing this all at once. Any problems with

that? Nope. No problems at all.

Absolutely none.

What about you, Marianne?

Well, I guess not.

Fine. Let's go into my office.

I was just noticing your flag.

Pig.

You know, this flag was given to me personally by Alexander Haig.

Are these pictures of your children, Mr. Bryant?

Grandchildren. That's my grandson, Dwight David, and little Tricia and

dog, Milhouse.

I have two children of my own, my boy Jason and my little girl, Jennifer. You

must be very proud.

How about you, Miss Brown?

I don't have any children.

But my neighbors do. A boy and a girl, I think. I only saw them from the back.

It was Halloween.

They were running away.

Maybe we'd better get on with business.

Yes. Mr. Bryant, I assume you're familiar with our Emmy Award winning

Oh, I'm very familiar with it. How long are you going to keep up this quail

bashing? But you fault the man for everything. You know, he's not the only

person who can't name all those little square states in the middle of the

country.

Mr. Bryant, may I say something?

First of all, I am a steady customer of yours. My children never leave the

school without at least one of your products in their lunchboxes. Yeah,

She's been away for a week. They're probably eating the cat food by now.

Now, Miss Brown, let's stick to issues, shall we? You were saying, Mrs.

Miller? I was saying that there are many people who share my outrage over the

erosion of moral standards in our country.

I happen to be one of those people, Mrs. Miller. Oh, well, I feel more and more

that television is not acting in a responsible manner. I agree. There's a

definite lack of self -censorship. It's a very disturbing trend.

You don't know how relieved I am to hear you say that. Well, if we don't set the

example for our children, who will?

I think it was Barry Goldwater who once said... Okay, okay, I can see the

handwriting on the wall.

Look, it may be pointless, but I'm going to say what I came here to say, and

then you two can go off and have a John Wayne film festival.

Mr. Bryan, if you allow one person, any person, to force you to bow to a

boycott, then you're not just hurting me at FYI, you're hurting the very

principles of free speech.

And another thing... Miss Brown, I'm not going to pull my advertising from your

show.

What? You aren't?

No.

But I interrupted you. Do you have more to say?

Thank you. No, I'm done.

But I don't understand.

Mrs. Miller, you're a good customer.

And I've always made it a policy to listen to my customers.

Now, for instance, if you felt I should bake my cookies with white chocolate

chips instead of milk chocolate, you could write me and tell me so.

And if I got enough of those letters, I'd probably change my recipe.

But I would never, ever change my recipe to suit one person or one small group

of people.

So if you have a problem with Miss Brown's segment, do what I do every

Turn her off.

Or change the channel until that nice Miss Sherwood comes on.

You have that choice.

Why? Because this, Mrs. Miller, is America.

Mr. Bryan, I want to thank you.

Oh, don't thank me. I hope you learned something here, Miss Brown.

Not all conservatives agree on all things.

Maybe you'll remember that the next time you're tempted to lump us all into one

category and take a few easy shots.

You liberal firebrands don't hold a patent on standing up for freedom.

Mr. Bryant, as far as I'm concerned, you're making a big mistake.

And I want you to know that I still intend to go through with my boycott.

That's too bad.

I was going to give her some free coupons.

50 cents off on any box of fudgy buddies.

You know, those things are up to five bucks a box now. They cost me 34 cents.

God, I love this country.