Original subtitles

Maybe it's much too early in the game.

Oh, but I thought I'd ask you just the same.

What are you doing?

Hi,

Phil. Hi, hi.

Guys, listen, I'm glad I caught you. I just heard an ugly rumor.

Corky's having a New Year's Eve party, and she's on her way over here to invite

us. Now, I didn't have very much time, but I worked up a few excuses.

Jim.

Doris is sick with the flu.

Fever, chills, projectile vomiting. Needless to say, you're stuck at home.

Frank, the girl you've been dating recently has put on a lot of weight.

embarrassed about it and doesn't want to be seen out in public, so you're

staying in.

Miles, you heard me. We already know about the party, and we're going.

Come on.

You're going to a New Year's Eve party at Corky's?

I'll think about you at midnight when you roll back the carpet and square

Hey, now.

I'll admit I wasn't very fond of Corky when I first met her.

I never dreamed I'd be sharing an anchor desk with a woman who says great before

broadcast.

She has grown a little during the year, and as a gesture of support, I thought I

should accept her invitation.

Besides, it's not possible for a New Year's Eve party to be dull if you're

there, Murph. Remember the Washington Press Corps bash when you stood up on a

table and sang If I Were Your Woman to Wilbur Mills?

And how about the time you drove over to the White House Christmas tree and hung

your bra on the angel?

Guys, guys, you're forgetting something.

On both those occasions, and on almost every New Year's Eve of my adult life,

I've watched the New Year come in from the bottom of a scotch bottle.

Sure, I was always the life of the party.

I'll bet people are still talking about the time I mooned Jean Kirkpatrick.

I thought it would be nice if I lived through my 40s, so no more party doll.

That's okay, Murphy.

Even though your 1982 bar tab paid for the knotty pine paneling in my den, we

still like you just the way you are.

party. New Year's Eve party?

I didn't know you were having a New Year's Eve party.

Well, it's sort of a spur -of -the -moment thing, but it'll be lots of fun.

cooking all the food myself, and at the end of the night, we're going to watch

Heidi on tape.

Gee, Corky, it sounds like fun, but I don't think I'll be able to make it.

The guy I've been dating recently has put on a lot of weight.

and doesn't want to be seen out in public.

That is just about the most ridiculous excuse I have heard today.

Every single person I invited is coming except for you and Meryl Streep because

she said she had no idea who I was.

I guess I can accept that.

Can I just be straight with you guys?

New Year's Eve is amateur night.

Once a year, people go out, drink too much, put lampshades on their head, and

pass out. The pros like me, we didn't need New Year's Eve as an excuse.

But now that I've retired my jersey, I just don't want to take any chances.

What are you saying, Murphy?

You can't have a good time on New Year's Eve unless you drink? That's

ridiculous. He's right, Murph.

And maybe it's better for you to face the situation instead of trying to hide

from it.

Look, I'll make it even easier. We'll go together.

I'll take you, I'll pick you up, we'll bring you home. No date anxiety, no

pressure, huh? Come on, Murphy, we're your friends.

No one's going to be expecting you to drive to Maureen Dean's house at

drop a sack of horse manure on her front door, set it ablaze, ring the bell, and

yell, fire.

I really would like to spend New Year's Eve with you guys. It'll be fun.

Okay,

I guess I'll go. Yes!

I know what you're thinking. It looks like a funeral, but this is good. People

are clearly pacing themselves.

This is going to be a great New Year's Eve party. Frank, everyone I know from

the office is here. We don't have to stay for the whole thing, do we? We can

just have something to eat and then go.

Murph, it's going to be okay.

You're just another guest. Nobody's putting any pressure on you to perform.

Hey, Murphy's here. Let the games begin.

Just ignoring, ignoring.

Murphy! Frank!

Wonderful dress, Murphy. Perfect choice for that short -waisted problem.

Have you met my date yet? Noel?

Noel?

Dr. Noel Gardner, meet Murphy Brown and Frank Fontana.

Noel is with Bethesda Naval Hospital, but he's opening his own practice.

That's right.

Full -service medicine.

Dermatology to cardiology.

Ten doctors, no waiting. And there's validated parking. Here's my card. Don't

afraid. Just come on in and chat. Maybe get a physical.

Frank, take a look at that mole for you.

Murphy, when was your last mammogram?

Been putting it off, huh?

Not a good idea.

Call me.

Your friends are great. We'll see you guys later, okay?

So, what can I get you both to drink? A club soda for me on the rock for the

twist. I'll take a beer.

Oh, sorry, Frank, but I'm not serving any alcoholic beverages tonight.

You know, a lot of people have been asking about that. I guess I should

Everyone, get out of your attention, please.

Now, a lot of you have been asking when the liquor will be served this evening.

Well, we're not having any tonight because I decided to make it a dry

I did it for Murphy.

We all know she's a drunk.

Didn't want to put any temptation in her way.

So go on and party, knowing that you've done something to help your co -worker.

Meryl Streep's probably having a lot of fun right now.

Hello. Hello.

Jim Doris, welcome.

Look at you two in black tie.

Yes, well, New Year's Eve has always been a special date for us.

We met on New Year's Eve, 1961.

The world was fraught with change.

Uttant became the interim secretary general of the United Nations following

Hammer Schultz's death.

American and Soviet tanks faced off between East and West Germany in the

over border transit rights. And a little chimp named Enos blasted off from Cape

Canaveral and orbited the Earth twice.

Gee.

Well, your place already looks very festive, and here's a little gift for

It was such a lovely gesture, but I'm not serving any alcohol tonight.

You know, the Murphy problem.

So, I'll just do the same thing with this that I did with all the other

people brought.

I'll give it to the party next door.

Would you hurry up? I'm going as fast as I can. You just called to invite me 45

minutes ago.

You know, I'm beginning to think I wasn't first choice.

Oh, come on, Audrey.

You think the executive producer of a big network news show couldn't get a

until the last minute?

A scarf.

Now, let's just get past it. I've been under a lot of stress at work this year,

so for once I just want to let loose and enjoy myself.

Let's go in. Not until you tell me why we haven't been out since that one blind

date four months ago.

I'm sorry.

It's just that that date was so powerful.

I needed time to absorb it.

By the way, no one has to know that it was only our second date.

Well, you know.

Oh, okay.

Wow,

this party's really rocking.

I guess you were right about getting here early.

That's not our party.

This is our party.

There you are, Miles.

It's 8 .45. I was worried you missed all the fun. Are you kidding? I've got a

serious party attitude.

Corky Sherwood, this is Audrey Cullen. Nice to meet you. Hi.

miles ever mentioning you before yeah well miles and i are both very private

people even though we've been seeing each other steadily since the princess

wales introduced us at wimbledon last year anyway we both felt the need to

protect the relationship but tonight we decided it was time to let everyone know

how we feel about each other right pookie hey would you look at that punch

i think i'll just have me a cup of that Yes, sirree.

I love punch with all my heart.

What did you do, Corky? Unload a whole bottle of rum in here?

Miles, there isn't any... Hey, Audrey, heads up. Looks like you're driving

tonight. Potty, potty, potty damn.

It's something to do.

This is boring, Frank. I spent the last half hour in the bedroom trying to guess

how many coats were on the bed. And I've just read the entire issue of June

Bride. Did you know Lego mutton sleeves are in?

Yeah, I saw that.

You holding up okay, Murph? This is the first time I'm seeing New Year's Eve

through a straight person's eyes.

I guess it could be worse. Although at this moment, I don't know how.

I'm so excited!

I just can't...

So, Corkster, Corko, Corkstein, oh, Cork, come on,

buddy.

Sorry about this, but for as long as I've known him, he's never been able to

hold it.

It's been very... painful for us hey now audrey hey now hey now hey

miles what is wrong with you

i'm sorry corky i think i had a little too much punch this stuff is lethal

please can i be the one to tell him i've been good please

Murphy, there's nothing in the punch.

What? What do you mean? You've been acting like Carmen Miranda all by

The only thing you're high on is 10 % real fruit juice.

I knew that.

You don't think I know that?

I was just trying to...

illustrate the dangers of excessive alcohol consumption.

So, let that be a lesson to all of you.

I think I made my point.

Thank you.

Hey, where's everybody going?

Well,

okay for them.

They're going to be sorry they missed this.

Everybody, it's time for a party game.

I'm not wearing a blindfold. I hate that.

Now, this is a fun little quiz that Noel brought.

It's called, How Long Will You Live?

You start with 72 years, and you add or subtract based on your answers to 35

questions. Like question number one.

72.

74.

80. 82.

53 years old?

Are they kidding? This can't be right. What'd you get, Murphy?

Okay, the one, six, seven, yes, 97.

Read it and weep.

97? How did you get 97? She cheated, that's how.

Look at this. She skipped question seven.

She lied on question 12. Why'd you stop at 97, Murphy? Why didn't you just say

110 or 205?

It's not about blood pressure, Frank. It'll kill you like that.

Hey, everybody, it's one minute till midnight.

Frank, turn on... the TV. I'll get the hats and horns. Sure, no problem. When

the clock hits midnight, I'll be another year closer to death. Let's all dance

and sing.

Here, everybody, pass them around.

I'm 40 years old, and what have I got to show for it? Nothing.

Wasted the best years of my life.

Can't even remember what I did last Tuesday.

Countdown's starting, everyone. Put on your hats!

Oh, I don't even have a dog.

Starting countdown, everyone.

another day, another decade. Corky, it's been fun. Thank you.

I guess we should be going to... But wait a minute, wait a minute. We haven't

set our resolutions yet.

I'm wearing gloves, Frank. I could choke her now and not leave any fingerprints.

Night, everybody.

Bye. Nice to meet you.

You know, this is really sad.

You guys said we could pull off a good time on New Year's Eve without any

and here we are going home at midnight.

What do you say we do something crazy? We'll put our heads together. I know

this group, we'll come up with something great.

I don't know, Murphy. I think we're going to call it a night.

Yeah.

Okay.

Oh, Frank, I forgot my purse in the bedroom. Would you do me a favor and go

you get it? Sure.

Well, Corky, thank you for having us. It was a lovely evening. Yes, we had a

wonderful time.

Thank you for inviting us, Corky. Maybe next year you'll come to our place.

Oh, Audrey.

Audrey, Audrey.

Well, thanks for dropping in, everybody.

Drive carefully.

Don't forget your yearly cholesterol, Pat.

Where's your coat, Noel?

Coat? I'm not leaving.

That's what you think.

Hey, Corky, get serious.

You know how hard it is to get a doctor on New Year's Eve?

Socialized medicine, Noel.

It's coming. It's coming very soon.

One minute.

You know, you haven't been paying any attention to me lately.

Don't think I haven't noticed.

There's somebody else, isn't there?

Somebody else?

Don't be absurd.

I'm not.

A woman can always tell.

I'll get you for that, Frank!

Hi. What are you guys doing here?

That's what I'd like to know.

Seems like he's always here.

That's because he is always here.

And you like it, don't you?

Felicia.

Felicia. Do not be so needy.

Why don't you put your coat on? We'll go down the lanes and we'll bowl a few

games. You mean it? Sure I mean it.

You can use that new ball bag I got you for Christmas.

I bet he never bought you a ball bag.

Okay.

Looks like we're out of here.

How was the party? Did you do okay?

Fine, thanks, Eldon.

Did a certain somebody say anything about me?

Corky? What, are you going to scream it?

Come on.

Who's Corky?

It's going to be a bad night.

A very bad night.

I just, uh, I came back because, you know, I forgot to put my brushes in the

turpentine. It's very bad for them, you know.

It's okay, Eldon.

I dumped it.