All language subtitles for murphy_brown_s01e14_its_how_you_play_the_game

Do you love me? I'm in the groove Do you
love me? I'm in the groove

farm of your new secretary.

Oh, God, I'm dying.

There's a message for you from Walter
Cronkite.

Really? He said he saw my segment on the
greenhouse effect last night. A

wonderful expose of corporate
irresponsibility and government short

-sightedness. Enjoyed it immensely.

He said he saw my segment last night and
he enjoyed it immensely.

How about that? That's real nice, but
let's get serious. Does Walt have a

Nielsen box?

What is it lately?

Everybody's so ratings conscious. It's
making me crazy.

Are you a success if 40 million people
watch the show and a failure if only 18

million people watch it? Good morning,
everybody.

Has Miles come down with the ratings
yet? No, he's seven minutes late.

Oh, I wish he'd hurry up, that little
turtle.

I hate coming in second.

Let me tell you something, Corky. After
16 years in this business, I've learned

that ratings are baloney. It's the
quality of the work that counts, and

all.

I really admire you, Murphy.

You're such a professional.

Now, if I could only get you to vary
your hairstyle.

Morning, troops.

How you doing, Jim? Hello, Slugger.

Want to hear something great, Jim?
Walter Cronkite called. He said he saw

story last night, and he enjoyed it
immensely.

Wonderful. I hope the ratings are up.

Jim, you too? They're just a meaningless
bunch of numbers.

Yes, you're right.

But why don't they like us in Denver?

Hiya, Miles.

Let's get started with our little
meetings so we can get back to writing

that journalistic giants like Walter
Cronkite can enjoy immensely.

What's wrong with you?

We took it in the short.

If the ratings get any lower, I'll be
hosing down the produce at Food World.

Who got the audience, as if I didn't
know? Jerry Gold and his headline news

show. News?

The man spent an hour exploring the
tragic plight of six crazed registered

nurses. Well, it may not be our idea of
news, but it sure has the public's

attention. We got a 13 share. Gold
pulled a 42.

He's stomping us in the cities. That's
the third time in three weeks we've

slipped in Denver.

And our 18 to 49 demographics have
dropped right off the page. What's the

with these people?

Murphy, I thought you said it was the...

of the work that counts. Didn't you hear
him, Corky? We're losing.

At least we beat Mr. Belvedere. I hate
this.

We work hard on our shows. We go to the
wall to stay accurate and intelligent,

only to be blown out of the water by
Nurse Judy and her tongue depressor.

Boy, this burns me up. I'd like to go
door to door across this country and

America, I'm mad at you.

Well, there was a suggestion from a
network VP.

Oh, great. It was only a suggestion.

And keep in mind that I'm only conveying
it.

The network feels that maybe we could
make some of our stories more

intellectually accessible to a broader
spectrum of viewers.

Give them some T and A. Is that it?

Fine. Why don't I anchor the show in a
tank top and bicycle pants?

Miles, I've been working for the past
two weeks on a story about the homeless.

What do they want me to do? Find the
lighter side?

Yeah. You can tell the network we're not
a bunch of journalistic prostitutes.

They can take their story and stick it
in the file with Hello Larry and Pam

Ewing's dream.

That's right.

I am so proud of you people.

Let's get busy.

We've got a show to put on.

But maybe next week you two can talk to
Wardrobe about some off -the -shoulder

peasant blouses.

the old days, I'd order a double scotch
rocks.

But it's a kinder, gentler America, so
I'll just have a club soda and salt for

while.

Yeah, I heard you guys got slaughtered
last night.

Something's really wrong, Phil. We did a
great show, but America decided to

watch Jerry Gold make a mockery of the
nursing profession.

Dad, I gotta tell you, I found it
insulting to my dad.

Phil, you watched it? I had to, kid.

The customers took control of the TV.

Oh, Phil.

Personally, I found the whole thing
revolting.

Hell, that one nurse looked like she has
to have her uniform specially made.

And frankly, I don't understand how a
woman like that can ever get an accurate

heart rate.

Hi, Jim.

You feeling as beat up as I am?

I feel like roadkill.

Hi, Murph.

Sorry I'm late, Jim. I got tied up on
the story I'm working on.

So, hey, guys, what's new?

Frank, we got murdered in the ratings
and you're working on a story about the

homeless. Cheer down, huh?

Listen, Murphy, sometimes you just gotta
laugh because things are funny.

Like today.

Today was funny. Want to know what
happened? I could use a good laugh.

Okay, who is the toughest person you
know?

Name. The one person capable of enduring
more pain than anyone.

Marilyn Quayle?

Right here.

Come on. I jump out of planes. I ride
with Greenpeace. I've covered Belfast,

Beirut, Nicaragua. Face it, I make Ollie
North look like a florist. Get on with

it, Frank. You smell like fish.

Okay, okay.

I'm working on this story about the
homeless, right?

And I am just... Tired of dealing with
government statisticians, the economic

theorists, the bureaucrats, so I took it
to the street.

I went down along the northwest quadrant
over near the State Department, sat

around with a few of the guys.

I met this character, General Custer.

He plays checkers on an imaginary board.

He said he beat me three games.

Then I met this guy named Ed.

He's about my age.

He's got a daughter, six or seven,
Maureen.

Moe.

Big brown eyes, oh, about this tall.

They've got nothing.

Ed, he lost his wife, lost his job, so
they're living in an abandoned car in

Ford. He said to me, if I ever needed a
place to stay warm, I could use their

trunk.

I said, no thanks.

So I'm walking away, and all of a
sudden,

I hear this little voice yell my name.

It's Mo.

She comes running after me.

And she says, Mr., I've been saving
this, but you can have

it.

My dad says it's okay.

And she hands me 37 cents.

Cash.

You know how, you know, you're a
journalist, right? A reporter, you get

kind of a shell, things don't get to
you. Well, I walked all the way back

and all I could think about was how I
have the power to show this to people.

And maybe if they know, they'll do
something about it.

But here's the funny part.

Nobody is going to see this story.

They're going to be watching Jerry Gold!

Is that a killer or what?

Well... Look, uh...

You know, I'm sorry about lunch, Jim.
I'm doing

editing.

We've got to do something, Jim.

We just can't let Jerry Gold roll over
us again next week. I agree.

Maybe we should meet with the network.

Ask for more promotion.

Take some bigger newspaper ads.

Perhaps get out among the viewers more.

Oh, are we kidding? We're going to get
creamed.

I hate this.

It really makes you want to fight fire
with fire.

Doesn't it? Yes.

But we have to resist that feeling.

I know.

Although, we wouldn't really have to
compromise our standards if it was just

one segment leading into France.

Right. Just one.

Something that would really get people
to watch. And we would never do it

No, never again. Just the one time. The
one time.

What do you think?

I think it might be all right.

If we only do it once. Yes, once. Just
once. That's all. Right.

I heard about a woman in Detroit with
three breasts.

Let's get on it.

I've been looking all over for you guys.
Where have you been?

We were watching a tape of last week's
Jerry Gold show.

Ah, how could you stand it? Corky, it
was the most disgusting display of

-journalism I've ever seen, and I think
we can outdo it.

I have an idea, Jim. The secret sex life
of cable installers. What do you think?

Not bad.

How about this one? Devil worship in the
Senate.

I like it.

You two are such jokers.

Although I wouldn't rule out the whole
area of UFOs. And there's always Elvis.

Maybe we can combine them.

You guys are serious, aren't you?

My God, I can't be a part of this. I was
a Miss America.

I had to see the credit. I didn't
believe those were real nurses. They

Mercy General.

You know, my back's been acting up a lot
lately.

It's not your back, Frank.

Now, come on, let's get cracking.

We've got only one chance to beat Gold
at his own game. Don't forget what we're

up against.

Does anybody know what he's got
scheduled?

The truth about penile implants.

Oh, man.

Hey, what about those nuns who mud
wrestle for charity?

I lost them to Geraldo.

Fetishes? Yes.

Leather, shoe, silk.

Flannel.

I read about it somewhere.

Frank, I saw some of your film on the
homeless.

Incredible work, and so moving, it can
really have an impact.

Thanks, Miles.

Listen, guys, I've been thinking over
this network suggestion thing, and I

you to know I'm behind you 150%.

Even though taking such a stand could
cost me my job, I walked into that VP's

office and laid it on the line.

I said, FYI is a news organization of
integrity.

We will not pander to the public's
thirst for sensationalism.

Not now, not ever.

That's nice.

Jim, do you know anything about
bestiality?

Excuse me?

Here's something.

Confessions of an undercover cop.

I dress like a woman and like it.

He carried a pair of .38s and a gun.

Thought we were finished pulling jokes
on the new guy.

We've had a change of heart, Miles. We
want people to see Frank's piece on the

homeless, and the only way to make that
happen is to pull a stunt.

Do a segment that is so provocative, so
sensational, that everyone will watch

and will knock Jerry Gold right on his
astronomical ego.

Women who used to be men who used to be
women.

With big breath.

Welcome to FYI.

For your information tonight, Frank
Fontana will bring you an important

on the homeless in America and what we
can do about this national disgrace.

And later, Corky Sherwood constructs a
fascinating profile of the man, the

the legend, Bert Parks.

But first, in a very special FYI
segment, the flesh peddlers,

the sex merchants, the skin trade.

Does America want hookers on every
street corner?

Murphy Brown takes a walk on the wild
side.

Thank you, Jim.

Retail sex in America.

Prostitution. Should it be legalized?
From either side of this political

my guests this evening are from
Homemakers Against Gratuitous Sex and

Organization for American Rights.

Now then, let's start at the beginning,
shall we?

Jesse Fantuzzi.

Hooker's Organization for American
Rights was founded over a decade ago by

and a handful of working women to lobby
for legalized prostitution.

Today, HOAR boasts nearly 2 ,000 car
-carrying members.

For you, how did it get started?

Well, in 1978, the social and political
climate in this country was such that

one encountered far fewer breaches than
civil liberties. And in that respect...

No, I mean, how did you get started as a
hooker?

Well, I always loved sex, and it seemed
like a damn good way to make a buck.

Rose Wilson, Homemakers Against
Gratuitous Sex.

Organized in 1983, HAGS set out to...
Homemakers will be fine.

All right.

Homemakers set out to combat what you
have termed the growing decay of moral

values in America. Explain that for us.

Thank you, Murphy.

We believe America is the greatest
country on the face of God's green

And we believe the American family is
the backbone of this country's

piety, and strength.

And we love our children very much.

Shawnee Shane.

I'm sure these viewpoints come as no
surprise to you.

Get a tighter shot on her breasts.

My pleasure.

Not that one, the hooker.

address the issues of social and or
moral decay.

Even you, Shawnee, can't tell me that
pornography and prostitution are

but hurtful to a society.

Well, a lot of society is willing to pay
extra for hurtful.

Seriously, Murphy, we feel that the
mores of society should never become so

restrictive. Tanya.

Tanya, you want to know what I'm
hearing? I'm hearing a Ph .D. at the

of a civics class with a great big chip
on her shoulder.

Now, let's get down to it. I want to
know what you think about each other.

What's in your gut?

Phyllis Baker.

Well, I feel if this country is to
preserve its freedom, that pornographers

exotic dancers and prostitutes should
be... Uh -huh, go ahead.

Should be punished.

How, Phyllis?

Whether they should be locked up or
shot.

Sounds like an interesting way to
preserve freedom.

Jessie, how do you respond to that?

I think the woman needs to spend three
days in a mountain cabin with a guy

Gyro Jerry.

I see.

In fact, they could all use a good
diuretic in a public whipping.

Betty Barkish, how about it?

Is that what you need?

No, I don't need that.

But, you know, I do think that all of
these young ladies would greatly benefit

by completing their high school
education. You know, lack of education

country... Rose, talk to me. What are
you feeling, Rose?

Oh, well, I feel Miss Fantuzzi is ill
-informed and... Your

gut, Rose.

Well...

I think Miss Fantuzzi is an indecent
person.

Rose, Rose, Rose, an indecent person.

That's your response.

Well, no, not entirely, but... Well,
then, come on, what else?

Well, uh... You didn't drive all the way
down here just to show off your new

dress. These are the people you're up
against, right in front of you, face to

face. What did you want to tell them?

I just want you to know, seeing you in
action last night made my blood run like

lava.

Carl, I don't feel like talking now. I
just wanted to say, if you should

suddenly find yourself out of work, I'm
here for you, babe.

We could get out of this lousy business
altogether.

Buy us a big rig.

It'd be a damn good life, Murphy.

I'm sure I have your phone number on
file, Carl. I'll call you later.

Oh,

Jim. Hello, Murphy.

Does it hurt as bad as it looks?

Yes.

And I deserve the pain.

Murphy, I feel so cheap.

That makes two of us.

Hi. Hi.

Look, I know it's not much of a
consolation, but I really appreciated

tried to do.

Thanks, Frank.

I know that we had at least two viewers
last night.

My parents called.

I owe him $45 ,000 for my education.

And my mother's going back to her maiden
name.

Well, I hope you're all satisfied.

Perhaps I should share with you a little
story about a young girl growing up on

a farm in Louisiana, dreaming about how
one day she would find her place in this

world, make her mark.

And how she opened the TV guide one day
while sitting in her hotel room in

Atlantic City, days before her crowning
as the closest thing this country has to

an actual queen.

And she read an article about Murphy
Brown.

And she said, that's what I want to be.

Well, I'll tell you something.

It was between Murphy Brown and Victoria
Principal.

And it's painfully obvious that I made
the wrong choice.

What's the rating?

Silverberg here.

Shoot.

Uh -huh.

San Francisco.

L .A.

Minneapolis.

Chicago.

New York.

Right. Thank you.

Looks like it's bad news.

major city by a seven point spread oh my
god we we broke records a 47 chair

and we held them the whole hour jim jim
my man have you ever seen a

47 chair in your life

Next week you're doing that story on
Medicaid, right? Right.

Okay, so I'll do that thing on
transsexual ballroom dancing.

Yes! We'll give it a real news story
slant. We'll call it a cultural glitch,

sign of changing mores, a reflection of
the society's evolution.

I mean, it's not like we're selling out.
We're only going to do it a little each

week. Just enough to get people to watch
our good stuff.

worked in this business 30 years i i
never had ratings like this before well

sorry but it feels good this is what
success is right people watching the

yeah people watching the show the way
they slow down on the highway to see an

accident but we did what we set out to
do we got what we want

didn't we