Original subtitles

On a tough road.

Couldn't love me. I got up so low.

And when you did, you got something.

I want to thank you again for... Is Murphy in? Not yet.

I want to thank you again for inviting me to the Duntree Club. I am so psyched

about tonight that I don't even mind wearing my tux. Now, listen, I've got to

make sure... Hey, Jim.

Is Murphy in? All clear.

Thanks again for inviting me to tonight's dinner. It's going to be

listening to Red Bishop, true American hero, earned a silver star on the

of Normandy. The man sat at Kennedy's elbow during the Cuban Missile Crisis.

you imagine the stories that guy's going to tell? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now, what

about Ted Williams?

Jim, you said he was going to be there. You said, yes, there would be the same

dessert cart as last year, and yes, Ted Williams will be there. Are you kidding?

Ted Williams is going to be there? The Splendid Splinter, the greatest hitter

ever play baseball, and I am finally going to get a chance to meet him. Way

go, Jim!

All right!

Woo! Uh, Jim, come on. Let's see if you can penetrate this defense here.

Oh,

Murphy. Hi.

How you doing?

See, we're all excited about our big evening, aren't we? And why shouldn't we

be? Red Bishop is one of the greatest storytellers in Washington.

Ted Williams is going to be there.

And I hear the dessert cart is better than sex.

Well, you all have a good time. Don't worry about my feelings. I can take it,

guess. Now, Murphy, you know there's a reason why I didn't invite you.

Yes, the reason.

I bet they have Apple Brown Betty on the dessert cart.

I really love apple brown pudding.

It's just not fair.

Murphy gets to do commentary. Frank gets to do commentary. Why can't I?

Because I don't think there's much of a story in where you stand on people with

fat pets.

It's a heartbreaking problem, Miles.

Did you know that given a choice, a dog will eat itself to death?

So would my Aunt Esther. I don't see you worrying about her.

So, guys, in nine hours and counting, we'll be swapping stories at the

Club with Red Bishop.

Her Ted Williams is going to be there, too. How about that, huh?

Boy, it's going to be a great evening, Jim.

Frank?

Scott?

Murphy? Murphy!

You're here!

Someone could have told me.

You look nice today.

Love those little things you got there. Earrings, right?

Miles is going, too, huh?

Murphy, you know the Dunfries Club is for men only.

And they have great dinners with great guests, and I don't get to go for one

reason and one reason only, and it has to do with something you've got and I

don't.

A tiny, pathetic, little Y chromosome.

I think you're making too big a deal out of this. It's just a club.

Oh, pipe down, Miles.

That's just what I'd expect you to say, you male.

What are you yelling at me for?

You're not even in this conversation.

Oh, yes, I am.

Every woman in this room is in this conversation.

And we're not leaving until we get what we want.

What do we want, Murphy?

We want to know why you're defending the Dunfries Club. You're not even a

member. Yet he gets to go tonight.

He who still needs a street map to find the White House.

Well, I'm sick of it. It's the last men -only club in Washington, and it's time

somebody broke the sex barrier.

Jim,

you've been a member for years. They respect you. I'm counting on you to get

in tonight.

Oh, now, hey, come on.

You know I can't do that.

Why not? What goes on at that club you don't want women to see? What are you

guys doing there? Some kind of jockstrap dance?

Be careful, Jim. They're turning on us.

Murphy, you're putting me in a very difficult position. Look, I'll make it

you. I promise.

I'll take your lunch tomorrow. My treat.

Dinner?

All right, you can do the news break tomorrow night.

Oh, come on, Murphy.

Sorry, Jim.

This babe can't be bought.

All right!

He didn't show, did he? He's here, inside, talking to Studs Terkel. Ted

is here?

Really? Oh, man, this is so great. Now, Frank, I don't want you bothering him,

hounding him for an autograph.

Right, right.

But take this little camera, and if you happen to see me standing there with my

arm around him... Hey, you should see who's inside there. It's like a who's

of Washington.

Dan Quayle's telling knock -knock jokes to the bartender, and Sam Donovan's

yelling at the washroom attendant.

I wish Copper wouldn't invite him.

Coming through.

Excuse me.

Sorry.

Hi, guys.

Murphy, what are you doing here?

There's a party and I decided to show up.

Hi, Lucy. Where's Ethel?

Murphy, we've been through this many times. You cannot be here. I'm not

You're not allowed in the club.

I'm already in the club. No, you're not. The club is through there. You're in

the foyer.

We're in the foyer.

This looks too nice to be a foyer. Is this a trick? No, we're in the damn

Now go home. I'm going in that club, Jim. I'm going right now. You aren't on

guest list.

But my date is.

Aren't you, Miles?

What? Come on. Give me your arm.

Why me?

Because you didn't go through the 60s and you need something to tell your

grandchildren besides how you once made a wrong turn on Constitution Avenue and

wound up in a gay pride parade.

Good evening.

I'm Terrence Mueller, manager of the Dunfries Club.

Mama, let's go find our seats.

May I help you?

No, thanks. I'm with Jim.

No, she isn't. Her car broke down outside and she needs to call a tow

Here's a quarter, Murphy. I'll catch you at the office.

Nice try, Jim.

Boy, I'm hungry. What's for dinner?

This is all very amusing, but I'm sure you must be aware of our policy

women.

I'm going to have to ask you to leave.

Gentlemen, if you'll all step inside, dinner is about to be served.

Go ahead, everyone. I'll be right in.

You're on your own, Murphy. I'm going inside before Willard Scott eats my

cocktail.

Now, come on, Mr. Mueller. You seem like a reasonable man.

Would $50 and Jessica Hahn's phone number do it?

Miss Brown, I know you have a reputation for doing this sort of thing, but your

behavior is very inappropriate.

And I'm beginning to find your attitude extremely offensive.

Perch and rotate.

Excuse me, I'm going inside.

Okay.

Okay, fine.

I don't have to hang around here.

I have better things to do.

But I want to tell you something.

I think you're petty.

I think you're small.

And your zipper's down.

Ha! Made you look.

Oh, Murphy, I just have to tell you, I think you're incredible to take a stand

the way you did last night.

Yeah, me and Custer.

I was only five when the women's movement started, but you've inspired

Murphy.

Tomorrow, I just might leave my bra at home.

Our work never ends.

Hello, Murphy.

May I speak with you?

Of course. Come on in, Jim.

Murphy.

About the little freak at the club last night. I know, Jim. It was a stupid

stunt. I apologize for crashing your party.

I guess emotions were running high on both sides.

You know, I realize there's a much saner way of handling the situation.

I want to join the Dunfries Club.

Oh, that's rich, Murphy.

There's nothing in the bylaws that says a woman can't become a member. It's just

that no woman ever had the guts to apply before.

All I need is a member to sponsor me. Will you do it?

Oh.

Sure. Right after I take off all my clothes and sing Rhinestone Cowboy in

Capitol Rotunda.

Well, thanks a lot.

I thought we were friends.

I thought we were supposed to be there for each other. I guess not.

Now, wait just a minute. I've been there for you plenty.

Perhaps you've forgotten how I fought to get you on this show.

The network didn't want a woman anchor.

But I flew to New York and I convinced the brass that you were up to the job

I lost my favorite pair of gloves in the taxi and they still haven't reimbursed

me, the cheap sons of bees.

Jim, it's wrong for the Dunfreet Club to exclude women.

It isn't a public place, Murphy.

No one's being deprived of work or equal pay.

This is about tradition.

It's about continuity.

It's about milk in glass bottles.

It's about service stations with men in uniforms who cleaned your windshield and

gave you a set of steak knives.

Murphy, I can't sponsor your application.

And out. We're into commercial.

Take a minute to relax, people.

Uh, Tommy, could you shift that light? It's right in my eyes.

Now it's in mine.

Fine. Whatever she wants.

Why shouldn't women be allowed in a men's club?

Guys are wearing earrings.

They're getting facelifts. Corky, are you wearing a bra?

Get a life, Frank.

Come on, Frank. You support me, don't you?

I don't know what I'm supposed to do anymore.

Do I pull out the chair? Do I open the car door? Do I pick up the check? Or do

offer to split it?

And I don't know what the hell to do about crying in a movie. Am I right,

supports her, Murphy.

She ought to be allowed in that club.

She ought to be allowed to go anywhere she likes. She's a beautiful person.

And one day, she'll be my bride.

You knock it off, Carl. It's a private club.

They should be able to do whatever they want.

I agree.

Let them have their place. We'll have ours. No way. When you keep people out,

it's like you're discriminating. I'm with Murphy. You're always with Murphy.

So what?

So I'm sitting home alone.

every Saturday night. How come you never act me out? You got a big mouth.

This is just great.

You involve everybody in our personal dispute. You're the most bullheaded

I've ever met.

And you're elitist.

You always have to make a point, don't you? Yes, I do, Jim. And here's another

point.

You apologize for that. Make me.

This is just like you. You're the most inflexible person I've ever known.

Coming back in five.

to places that are never any of your business.

Welcome back. Murphy Brown joins us now. Hi, Murphy.

Hello, Jim. You've just gotten back from Massachusetts.

That's right. I spent a day with Governor Michael Dukakis. Yes, the man

would be president.

A very interesting politician.

Quite a fellow.

We started our day in Brookline. Excuse me. Sorry.

We started our... Please.

We started our day over breakfast talking politics, and what strikes me,

that this is a man committed to making government work.

You have to like his gumption.

He's a fighter.

You were saying?

No, please, go ahead.

Are you sure?

Yes, please continue.

I was just going to say, he's a dogged competitor, stronger perhaps even in

defeat. That's right, Jim.

Down but not out.

Michael Dukakis had hoped to be spending this time in Washington setting up

shop.

What are you doing here, Eldon? It's almost midnight.

I know, but I got a sudden inspiration.

I said, this lady needs a skylight in her bedroom.

Oh, no, Eldon. I didn't ask for a skylight. I don't want a skylight.

It's too late because I already cut the hole.

Got to finish it tonight because the weather forecast says rain, and if you

sleep on your back, you could drown.

You're working for Diane Sawyer, aren't you? She hired you to drive me crazy,

and it's working.

You know, you've got to get this men's club stuff out of your system. You're

losing your capacity for joy.

That's not worth it. I've been to the Dunfries plenty of times, and it's not

that great a place.

Wait a minute.

You're a member of the Dunfries Club?

No way I piled the steam room.

Big deal. Bunch of rich guys sit around naked.

Although I must admit it was a comfortable way to lay tile.

Now what?

I get it.

Hello.

Jim, what are you doing here?

I know it's late, but I had to talk. I'll stay out here. No, please come in.

I want to apologize.

for my behavior on the air tonight. It was unforgivable.

No, no, please, Jim. I really feel rotten about all of this.

Our friendship means a lot to me.

Don't you have something to do?

No.

I just had to come over here and talk things through.

Murphy, can I tell you a story? It's sort of personal.

Sure, Jim.

Anybody want any coffee?

Not for me. No, thanks. Good.

When I was ten, the Randall boys built this wonderful tree fort.

All the boys in the neighborhood would go there and they'd climb the rope

and hang out all afternoon.

But they wouldn't let me up there.

Why not?

Sarah Bettinger.

We were in sixth grade and Butch Randall had a crush on her.

She was tall and striking.

The first to, well, blossom.

One afternoon, I was carrying her books home from school.

On the bridge, I kissed her.

Butch saw me do it.

He was incensed.

And he never let you up in the tree fort?

No.

Then he never kissed Sarah Bettinger.

Still, I never knew what it was like to have a special place like that.

That's what the Duntrees is for me, Murphy.

It's my tree fort.

Can you understand that?

Yeah, but what happened with the chick?

You know, I've got my own story, Jim.

When I was ten years old, the very same age, a bunch of boys in my neighborhood

had a baseball team, and more than anything, I wanted to play on it.

Well, I finally got up the guts to try out, and they cut me.

They said I threw like a girl.

Well, you know me.

I practiced the whole winter, and then next spring, I gave it another try.

What happened?

I got in.

Because they gave me a fair shot.

And I would have played, too, if something else hadn't gotten in the way.

What? Puberty.

Sliding head first hurt.

What are we going to do about this, Jim?

Do you have the application here?

Oh, thanks, Jim.

Thanks very much.

You know, just because I'm sponsoring you doesn't mean you're in.

You still have to face the membership committee.

The odds of approval are slim at best.

Especially since David Brinkley thinks you're a putz. I'll take my chances.

You always do.

I still can't believe it. It took me three tries to get into the Dunfries

Well, Jim, you just have to be a little resourceful. A few phone calls, a little

digging. Some of your board members have quite a few skeletons in their closets.

Dirty pool, Murphy.

Wish I had thought of it.

Well, this is it.

It's time to boldly go where no woman has gone before.

Mr. Mueller, boys.

Will you just go in, Murphy?

Hello.

Is it cold in here, or is it just them?

I suppose they're going to need some time to adjust.

No one's very happy about using club dues to buy a Tampax machine for the

restroom.

Maybe I should introduce you around.

Jim, I earn my living talking to mercenaries, slumlords, and crime

will be like a walk through the Easter parade.

Okay. I'll be at the bar.

Hi.

You're Anthony Clemens.

You're arguing that child custody case before the Supreme Court.

Yes. And you're Murphy Brown.

The woman.

Nice club you've got here.

Hello, I'm Murphy Brown.

I'm new here.

I know.

I'm Bert Wilson, club chaplain. Ah, the chaplain.

Well, I never thought I'd see the day when a woman would be accepted in here.

Well, I guess there's time for everything.

No, there isn't. I don't like it. It's a dark day. You've desecrated our home

and ruined our lives.

Not going so well?

No. Don't let it throw you. They're really good boys.

I should know. I've been around here for over 45 years.

You'll do fine.

Oh, gee.

Thanks. You know, I'm beginning to feel more at home here already.

Let me give you a tip.

Appearance is very important here.

So what do you say I put a nice polish on your shoes?

Oh, oh, no, thank you.

Bitch.

Great. Any minute now, I'm going to be elected social chairman.

Miss Brown, I'm not the type to mince words, so I'm just going to say it to

face. I don't want you here, and I don't care if I'm the only one who doesn't.

Obviously, you haven't been paying attention.

Now, hold on, Jack.

Like it or not, she's a member of this club, and I think you should show her as

much respect as you show me.

Cram it, Dial.

Maybe if you showed some backbone and stood up to her, she wouldn't be here.

Or was that right?

The fact is, if you measure right to membership in courage and integrity and

sheer professionalism, this woman has more right to be here than anybody.

I've spent more time with her than with any of you.

And I can tell you she's as good a reporter as you'll ever find.

And a good friend.

And she shoots a damn fine game of billiards to boot.

And I'll step outside with anybody that says otherwise. Right here. Right now.

Sit down.

Who said that? Who said that? Why don't we go look at the library? You people...

Well, I guess you'll all just have to leave.

And your life is filled with much confusion

until happiness is just an illusion.

And your world around is tumbling down.

Darling, reach out.

I'll shelter you.

I'll be there. Hey, hey!

You two gonna keep this up all night?

We close at midnight.

It's after one.

Well, let's see. Why don't we ask the club president?

Madam President, what do you think? Should we extend our hours?

Why don't we take a vote among all our officers?

All those in favor of extending club hours, say aye.

Aye.

It's unanimous. New hours.

I'll have another soda, please.

Here.

Knock yourself out.

How are you feeling, Jim?

I feel good.

Like I knew that I would.

Seriously. I took your tree fort away.

Well, everything changes.

Usually for the better.

I guess sometimes I wonder about a person who gets into her 40s and she's

pushing her way into everything, upsetting all the apple carts, wondering

whether it's worth the fight.

Just who are you talking about?

Somebody else.

Okay, I've got one.

She gets too hungry for dinner at eight.

She loves the theater, but never comes late.

She never bothers with people she hates.

That's why the lady is a tramp.