Original subtitles

Baron!

Baron, you mustn't go —

Baron!

Okay.

Uh-huh. Yeah, yeah.

Who the hell is he? He doesn't mean five cents at the box office.

Besides, I've got Byron Orlok. Yeah. Yup.

Anyone for a swim?

So he won an Oscar. Who the hell remembers it besides him?

For that money, I could get Sandra Dee.

Huh?

I discussed it with Sam. He feels that Pat Boone's wrong for the part.

You wanna see those dailies now, Mr. Smith?

- In a minute. Prepare to stand by, Rob. - You were late.

Somebody kept me up till 4:00 in the morning.

Oh, really? Anyone I know?

I gotta see this new Antonioni picture.

How did you like it?

- I liked it. - You did?

Mmm.

Well, I didn't, but thanks.

Okay. Okay. Goodbye.

Hey, you smoke too much. Tell him to send that print right out.

- Byron, did you see our ad in the trades? - No.

Ralph, send that print back to the exchange, will you?

This picture's gonna open up in a hundred theaters tomorrow.

- Great film, eh, Jenny? - It's all right.

It's gonna clean up. Is this the new script?

Has everybody read this?

Sam?

This is a work of art.

- Thank you very much. - This is a very important film.

This is the kind of property I'm gonna be proud to put my name on.

Are you writing this down, Ed?

It's a good script, Sam. Don't you think so, Byron?

I'm not making any more films, Marshall.

What? What, Byron?

I'm retiring.

Since when? What is this, a gag, Sam?

Wait a minute. Wait a minute. I put up front money on this script.

Monday I signed a deal with AIP,

all based on the understanding that I got Byron Orlok.

I never signed any agreement to that effect.

You never signed anything on the last three pictures. We shook hands.

What is it? Is something troubling you? You didn't like this last film we made?

Not at all. I think Sammy directed it very well.

That's why I let him write this script. Haven't you read it?

This is a real change of pace for you.

Okay, everybody out. Let me talk to Byron alone.

Please, Marshall, no scenes.

You owe me a minute, huh? Come on, Sam. Come on.

Let me fix this up.

Byron, old pal, what's wrong? This isn't like you.

- What the hell was that all about? - I don't know.

He didn't like my script.

- Oh, stop being such a paranoid. - What do you mean paranoid?

I sent him my script yesterday, and today he retires from pictures.

What am I supposed to think?

I'm sure he hasn't even read it.

I'm just afraid it's much more serious.

What about your job?

He hasn't said a thing.

What if he goes back to, uh, England? He's always talking about that.

Would you go with him?

- Would you like me to stay? - That's up to you.

Don't feed me that! I kept you alive for the last three years!

He can fix anything.

You think you're bankable with any of the majors?

Think they'd know how to put together a package for you?

If it weren't for me, the only place you'd be playing is in the wax museum.

Call me.

There goes another ashtray.

- Sam Michaels! - Your turn.

Okay, run those dailies now.

- Want me to fix the mess you made? - Get him back, boy director.

Go talk to him. You're supposed to be so good.

'Cause your next picture just walked out the door.

That's why I will.

- Fourteen, take five. - All right, and action.

Byron. You didn't say goodbye.

Stop it, Sammy. Don't be his errand boy.

- It — It nauseates me. - I didn't come out here because —

I know. You came out to save your own little opus.

Well, that's true. Because without you, there's no picture.

Rubbish. Anybody can walk through the special effects for you.

It's not that kind of picture.

And there's nobody else for it. The part is you.

- Sammy, you're a sweet boy. - I'm not trying to be.

But you can't possibly understand what it feels like to be me.

I'm an antique, out of date.

All right, what are you gonna do? Plant roses?

Actors don't retire. Six months and you'll blow your brains out, Byron.

- I'm an anachronism. - What does that mean?

Sammy, look around you.

The world belongs to the young.

Make way for them. Let them have it.

I'll take it.

I've always wanted a gun like this. It's a beauty.

Yeah, it sure is. Hey, did you see? That's Byron Orlok over there.

- Oh, yeah. - Yep, that's him.

You see a lot of movie stars on the Strip.

- I thought he looked familiar. - Okay, now, you want the case too?

- Oh, yeah. Might as well. - Sure, why not? It's only money.

- Will you take a check? - Yeah, sure.

- You've been in before, haven't you? - Sure. So has my dad. A lot of times.

Besides, you have an honest face.

- Want me to toss in some ammunition? - Yeah, a couple extra clips if you could.

Okay, I can stamp that for you.

- It's okay. How much altogether? - It comes to 249.60.

Okay.

- Thanks a lot. - Here. Don't forget your receipt.

Oh! Thanks.

See you.

And then I'll tell the hotel what time we're checking out.

Good.

What a nice boy Sammy is.

He's the only one I feel sorry about in all this.

He thought maybe you didn't like his script.

Doesn't he know I haven't read it?

- Yeah, I told him that. - Good.

- I couldn't tell him why, though. - Oh, come now, Jenny.

I'm too old for play-acting. It's no fun anymore.

- How about a drink? - All right.

I think we should celebrate my freedom.

Hey, baby, it's The Real Don Steele Show! I gotta get the devil out of here.

I'm gonna be out there, shoulder-to-shoulder, elbow to elbow

with the rest of you thrill seekers in the neon fun jungle.

Here I come, ready or not. And who's gonna sock it to us?

We're gonna hearken to Larkin in our quest for adventure out there, right?

Next, the Kip Larkin Show on 93 KHZ Boss Radio.

And you know what that position is on your superheterodyne receiver, right?

Thrill seekers of mine, are you ready?

Link Wray, what-have-you-ways, breakfast by Dave Garroway,

Johnnie Ray, Anita O'Day, Curtis LeMay, Turhan Bey,

Dick playing Del Rey in a one-horse open sleigh,

Dennis Day, Marvin Gaye,

George Jay, Sammy Kaye, swing and sway with a carnation lei.

If you love me, your thirst is lava too. Can you dig it? Here he comes.

Get ready to take a trip along the Strip with Kip.

- I'm hip. Can you dig it? - You'd better believe it!

He's Kip the Hip Larkin.

Let's hearken to Larkin.

And now, let's go, go, go!

Go, go, go, go, go, go, go!

...just a moment, when we continue our news.

This week on the Saturday Night Movie,

James Stewart, Lee Remick and Ben Gazzara star

in Otto Preminger's compelling production of Anatomy of a Murder.

You're guilty of murder. Premeditated and with vengeance.

That's first-degree murder in any court of law.

Here, I'll do that, dear.

The unwritten law is a myth, Lieutenant.

There is no such thing as the unwritten law.

Anyone who commits a murder on the theory that it does exist has bought himself...

Goodness, I feel so tired. That bazaar's gonna be the death of me.

- I'll take care of this. - Anatomy of a Murder.

Suspense-fraught viewing, Saturday night at 11:15 on Channel 7.

I'd like to know where that husband of yours is.

He's been late every night recently. That job is —

Oh, darn!

- It's all right. No harm done. - Oh, here, let me get it.

She has not spoken. She carried no identification.

Her head is covered with bandages, but doctors at County General

say her hair is light brown, cut short.

She was treated for severe scalp lacerations.

Doctors think she might be suffering from some mental disorder

that would account for this apparent stupor and muscular rigidity.

Her clothing has been taken to the sheriff's lab

in the hopes that it could help establish her identity.

Turn the TV down, will you?

I thought I heard the car.

She's about 25, has blue eyes, stands around 5'2"...

- Hello, girls. - I thought I heard you.

Mmm, smells good.

Did you remember to call the Irwins?

Of course I did. Dinner ready? I'm starving.

- Don't you wanna wait for Bobby? - What do you mean? Isn't he home?

- His car's here. - It is?

- Bobby, you out there? - Coming.

Go wash your hands, Daddy. We can eat right away.

- That's the best news I've heard all day. - Hello, sir.

- Hi, son. How's it going? - Okay.

- Hi, Mom. - Hello, dear. Come on, sit right down.

- Hi, Bobby. Where have you been? - Hi, honey.

- Just washing my hands. - Oh, we were worried about you.

You certainly came in quietly. We didn't hear the car.

- Have you been home long? - Just got in.

Oh, that looks good.

- I didn't have time for lunch today. - Oh, Robert.

Well, before, when you came out here...

We thank you for the food we're about to receive.

- In the Lord's name. Amen. - Amen.

- Working you hard, Bobby boy? - They certainly are working him hard.

Pass Bobby the rolls, Ilene.

Oh, did you order those tables for the bazaar, dear?

Didn't I say I would, Charlotte? Give me your plate, Ilene.

- That bazaar is all I hear about. - I'm sorry.

Give me your plate, Bobby. Gotta give you some potatoes.

Hey, guess who I saw coming home.

- Who? - Byron Orlok.

- Really? - Yup.

- Did he scare you? - Yeah — No.

I was driving towards the freeway and I saw him standing on the sidewalk talking.

Well, to the future.

I'll drink to that. Just get me a drink.

Oh, my God, I forgot all about you.

- How could you forget about me? - Have a seat, Ed.

We had a date. Six o'clock.

- What? - I forgot to tell you.

- What's the problem, Ed? - No problem at all.

I just wanna go over the arrangements for tomorrow night.

- What's tomorrow night? - That personal appearance.

- What? - At the drive-in.

Everything's been taken care of.

We got one of the big LA disc jockeys to introduce you — Kip Larkin.

And I think you should meet with him tomorrow afternoon at three o'clock,

if it's all right with you.

- I'm not making that appearance, Ed. - What?

I'm not making that appearance.

What do you mean, Byron?

It's all set. It's all been taken care of.

The ads, everything.

Byron?

Now what am I gonna do?

- Would you please bring me a phone? - Yes, sir.

I don't wanna get upset. I'm not gonna get upset.

Thank you very much.

What are you trying to do? Get me fired?

Byron, you know you do have an obligation here.

I have no more obligations, and it's quite relaxing.

Marshall, uh, we've got a little problem here.

I'm with Byron,

and, uh, he says he's not gonna do that PA tomorrow night.

Marshall?

He wants to talk to you.

He just went to the john.

No. No.

- He knows you're here. - I am here.

He says to tell you this has nothing to do with any difference between you two.

There's a lot of innocent people affected here.

Tell him I can't quite see him in the role of public defender.

He's not buying it, Marshall.

If he's so interested in the welfare of the people,

tell him to stop making pictures.

- He doesn't care about the people. - My interpreter.

Why don't you talk to him, Byron? I'm in the middle here.

Don't call him back, Ed. Why torture yourself?

That's my job.

I get paid to be a masochist.

He's gonna sue you, you know, and he'll win.

I've got a little money.

Did you know I graduated from Princeton?

Summa cum laude.

I majored in English Literature.

Well...

I think that I'll go and get drunk.

- So long, folks. - Goodbye, Eddie.

Hey, deer season opens next week. Huh? What do you say?

Great.

Think you can get your wife to let you go?

Don't worry about that.

Yeah, it'd be good for us.

Get away from the girls for a couple of days.

Getting flabby.

Hey, maybe we'll ask Pete and Tim along. Just four guys.

- Sounds great, sir. - Okay, we'll do it.

- You ready? - Ready.

First one misses sets them up.

Damn it.

Hey! What are you doing? You know better than that.

- I was just checking the elevation. - That's just how accidents happen!

Never point a gun at anyone.

Sorry. I wasn't thinking.

- All done? - Yes.

Good. What about my Chinese lesson?

- I didn't think you felt like it anymore. - Oh!

Well, how about another drink before dinner?

- No, thanks. - Still sulking, huh?

- No. - Oh, yes, you are.

You've been sulking around all evening ever since my little scene with Ed.

I have been upset. I didn't know it showed that much.

You don't have to go on being my secretary, you know.

- I know. - And I don't want to break up a romance.

I don't want that added to my list of sins.

That's not why I'm upset, and you know it.

Well, I feel no remorse, I can tell you that.

The thought of never laying eyes on Smith and Loughlin again fills me with joy.

So you can just stop being my little Oriental conscience.

- You really are in a foul mood. - Not at all.

I'm just tired of your baleful looks.

Is that why you're trying to pick a fight with me?

Look, my dear.

I know you have an Oxford degree,

and perhaps all this is quite unworthy of your many talents,

but you are only my employee.

There's an old Chinese saying.

"With the rich and powerful, always a little patience."

Very clever of the Chinese.

I have an idea. Why don't you ask Smith for a job?

Then you can be with Sammy all the time.

It would be easier if my concern were purely selfish, wouldn't it?

I really couldn't be less interested.

You'd love it if somehow you could convince yourself

you'd been betrayed by everyone.

Then you'd really be happy. No guilt, and full of self-pity.

Quite a speech.

You ought to hear it in Chinese.

There are one or two of us who care what happens to you,

though I can't imagine why.

Jenny, I'm...

...sorry.

Come.

Good evening, Mr. Orlok.

- Where would you like this? - Oh, anywhere. It doesn't matter.

The dinners are in the warmer, sir, under the table.

Thank you, sir.

Good night.

Enjoy your dinner.

- They've got another one. - Who?

- Are you ready? - Who?

Joanie Man.

- Joanie Man. - Joanie Man?

Wait until you hear this. What does she do?

She takes off everything but her earphones.

- Well, I have to go to work now. - I think it's just awful.

Can't you get switched to the day shift?

It's only for a few more weeks. Yes.

- In the fourth row? Do you really? - Yes. Yeah, from Lenny's.

No, Joe, fourth row, behind him.

- One, two, three, four... - I'm giving a memory test,

taking you back to South Philadelphia.

Do I remember? I remember the lady in green.

- Do you? - That must be her daughter.

Because I know the lady —

♪ The lady in green ♪

- Pardon me? - Lily from Philly.

- Lily from Philly. - Lily from Philly!

Last week, it was Millie from Philly and Ruth from Duluth.

- Don't go. - Ooh! Bobby, don't be silly.

What? You could call them up, say you were sick.

- One night. What's the difference? - Oh, that's not right.

- What should I wear? - Come on, just tonight.

Oh, and besides, it's too late now.

They couldn't get a substitute for me that fast.

What do you mean? The phone company's used to emergencies.

Well, what if it was an emergency?

Well, it's not an emergency.

Should I wear this sweater?

- The very best of luck to you. - Thank you. Thank you. -

Oh, it's got a run.

Oh, well.

- I want to talk to you, Ilene. - Hmm, what about?

Hmm?

- I don't know what's happening to me. - Why?

- I get funny ideas. - Like what?

Oh, you mean, like that I shouldn't go to work tonight.

Does this run look too bad?

You don't think I can do anything, do you?

What?

I think you can do anything you want to if you put your mind to it.

That's what your mother says, anyway.

How do I look?

Oh. Ooh.

- Bye-bye, dear. - Don't take my car.

- Hmm? - Take my mother's.

Oh, why?

- I've gotta change the oil. - Oh, okay.

Bye.

Oh, yes, they certainly are. They really sing pretty.

Bobby wants me to use your car tonight. Is it okay?

Why certainly, dear. The keys are in the ignition.

Okay, well, bye now.

- Good night, dear. - Good night.

- Drive carefully. - Uh-huh. Bye.

As a matter of fact, she and you are my first undiscovered talents.

- That's right. - Yes.

I am probably the first one. Yes.

All these — Seems that everybody else has gotten discovered.

- I'm still waiting. - No, you're not.

You are right now a very big personality in the home of every television owner.

Yeah!- -

My press agent...

What was that?

That Busby sure looks good for 72, doesn't he?

The band feels good tonight.

Isn't it — Isn't it great to do this without Boo-Boo jumping in?

- That's right. - Have we something there?

We have something a little bit new, I think, tonight.

We ought to keep talking, and we won't have to do it.

I like to get in the mood with you. I like to feel, like the Corsican brothers.

It's more like the Dolly Sisters.

Hooray for Hollywood.

Now here's a message.

- Oh, yes. - Well...

- Isn't he silly? - ...I'm bushed.

- So am I. - What did you need your car for?

- I'll be happy when that bazaar is over. - What?

So will we all, huh?

Oh, I gotta check some of the hoses.

Okay. Well, good night, son.

- Come on, Charlotte. - I'll be right in.

Night, sir.

...and at very little expense.

You look tired, dear.

- Don't tinker with that car all night. - I won't.

You really like that insurance job, Bobby? They keep you so late.

Well, sure, it's a good job.

- I spoke to your brother today. - Oh, yeah?

Everyone's fine. The baby has a cold.

- Oh, that's too bad. - Charlotte!

Well, good night, dear. Not too late now. Promise?

- I promise. - That's a good boy.

- Charlotte? - Coming.

These worries need not be yours

with the kind of protection offered you by Grant of Richmond,

the old-line company that cares about you.

Pick up your phone. The number's in the white pages.

Give us a call, and let us do the worrying.

That's Grant of Richmond. There's a branch near you.

Here now, ladies and gentlemen, is the young lady

that we feel very happy and proud to have discovered on our show.

We know you will enjoy her, and we know you'll make her feel welcome

'cause this is her first return visit to our show.

You know what happens? They get so good, we can't get 'em back.

Will you welcome now Miss Paige March.

- ... around 2:15. - Oh.

Bob, did Mary get off all right?

You told me Yes, sir. you wanted me to come back here, sir.

That's right. Sit down.

I wanna talk to you about a parole I've been trying to get.

It isn't as easy as it sounds.

There's over 2, 500 men in here, and they all want me to do something.

The fight's at 2:15.

- Tea, madame? - Oh!

I wish you wouldn't sneak up on me like that.

I never see you coming, I never hear you coming.

I just look up, and there you are.

Who is that tapping at my chamber door?

Sammy. I was just thinking about you.

Where's my script?

Come on in. I was just watching a relic I had a hand in.

Just — Just give me my script.

- I'll give you a drink. - Well, that's different.

The Criminal Code. Hey!

Take it easy. I've had too much already.

I saw this at the Museum of Modern Art.

Smith's right. I am a museum piece.

- Howard Hawks directed this. - I know.

Here.

Thanks to him, it was my first really important part.

Have you seen Jenny?

I was supposed to call her.

- Why didn't you? - Shh.

- Well? - Shh!

Folks, you're looking at the world's largest used car dealership

on Balboa Boulevard in the city of Encino.

- Naturally, being the world's largest... - He really knows how to tell a story.

Now, look at this —

Indeed, he does.

Well, uh...

All the good movies have been made.

- What did you do with my script? - I don't know. It's over there someplace.

I wrote a hell of a picture for you.

- For you as you really are. - Huh.

- A tired old man. - No, no.

This was last week when you still had some guts.

It took me days to convince Marshall.

"A work of art."

Should've heard him when he first read it.

I don't know. I don't understand it.

You sit still for three lousy, terrible, lousy scripts we did,

and finally, you know, I come up with something good, and you quit.

I haven't even read the damn thing.

Well, why not?

God, jeez, it's hot in here.

Sorry.

I guess I feel the cold a little more than I did. Open a window.

No, it's all right, it's all right.

What's it all about?

What?

Everybody is dead. I feel like a dinosaur.

Oh, I know how people think of me these days — old-fashioned, outmoded.

Well, not after this picture, they wouldn't.

You can't change your whole lifetime with one picture.

And what have you got if you quit?

Oh, Sammy, what's the use?

Mr. Boogeyman, King of Blood, they used to call me.

"Marx Brothers make you laugh, Garbo makes you weep,

Orlok makes you scream."

And once I thought I'd be an actor.

Oh, it's not that the films are bad. I've gotten bad.

I couldn't even play a straight part decently anymore.

I've been doing the other thing too long.

- Of course you could. - And even that isn't the point.

You know what they call my films today?

Camp. High camp.

Wait a minute. I wanna show you something.

My kind of horror isn't horror anymore.

There they are. Look at that.

No one's afraid of a painted monster.

The only thing you've said that's right is about this.

Which is why you ought to do my movie.

You don't play some phony Victorian heavy.

You play a human being, and you could play the hell out of it.

- If I were your age, I'd play it myself. - Mmm.

I'm gonna go offer it to Vincent Price.

I think I'd better go home now.

- I think you'd better stay here. - I think I'd better stay here.

Come on, come on. You'll be more comfortable on the couch.

Get up. Here.

Hey, hey!

I'm very drunk.

Hey, that's my bed.

Good Lord.

- I'm as drunk as he is. - Shh!

Sorry.

- Leave the light off. - Bobby?

- Yeah. - Why are you still up?

Please leave the light off.

- Why aren't you asleep yet? - I have a headache.

- Do you know what time it is? - Don't forget the hall light.

I can't see a thing.

Honestly, why can't we turn on the light?

It hurts my eyes.

Mmm.

Well, it certainly was a busy night tonight.

God, I'm exhausted.

Seems like everyone was calling long-distance.

Good night.

Good night.

You wanna talk now?

No, you're tired.

Oh, I sure am.

Well, aren't you gonna go to sleep?

- I just wanna finish this cigarette. - Okay.

Well, good night.

Good night, Ilene.

- Good morning. - Good morning, dear.

Oh, that's the grocery boy. Coming.

Morning.

What are you typing?

Aren't you gonna go to work?

Ilene? Ilene? Bobby?

♪ I like to hear you say That you love me ♪

♪ But you don't have to tell me All the time ♪

♪ 'Cause I can tell You're thinking of me ♪

♪ I can feel you in my mind ♪

♪ More than the thoughts that carry me ♪

- Have you gone mad? - I was having a nightmare.

I open my eyes, the first thing I see is Byron Orlok.

Very funny. Very funny.

What time is it?

Noon.

- I'll get it. - No, no, no.

Oh!

- Good morning, my dear. - Good morning.

Oh, not so loud.

Here you are. Suite on the Super Chief to Chicago.

Suite on the 20th Century to New York.

First class on the Queen Elizabeth to Southampton.

You have to leave tonight at 8:00 if you wanna catch the ship.

Jenny.

Suite to Chicago, suite to New York, first class on the Queen Elizabeth.

Cancel them.

I might as well make that personal appearance tonight.

No, don't say anything. I'm still retiring.

But I told you I wanted to go home on the Queen Mary.

- What happened here last night? - He had a guest.

Boy, you just made my headache worse.

You're gonna do that lousy PA instead of my movie.

Buy off your conscience.

So I go back to television and you take my girl to London.

- You look worse than he does. - I feel worse.

- Go wash up. - No, I gotta go home.

Oh, no. You're going to stay and help me with that thing tonight.

- Martyred. - Go on.

Order some breakfast, would you, Jenny?

I couldn't eat on an empty stomach.

Hello, Eddie. This is Jenny.

I have good news for you. Byron's going to do the drive-in.

- Hiya, Roy. - Hiya.

Could I have, uh, 300 rounds of the.30-06?

Okay.

Oh, and a box of the 12-gauge.

- What size? - Four-buck.

Good bit of shooting. Anything else?

- Nope. - Okay.

- How's your dad? - He's okay.

Damn flu going around.

Spent the day in bed yesterday. The whole day.

- Oh, yeah? - Yeah.

Um, could you charge that to my dad?

I'll check.

This okay?

Sign here, Bob.

Going out with your dad again?

Yeah.

- There you go. - Thanks a lot.

- What you hunting this time? - Gonna shoot some pigs.

Good luck.

Hey, groovy, groovy.

Now, um, somebody announces me on the PA.

"Laddies and janes, papas and mamas, here's your boss disc daddy,

the winner spinning with the sounds around, Kip the Hip Larkin.

- Let's hearken to Larkin." - All right.

Then after you finish plugging your show,

you introduce Mr. Orlok and we can get on with this.

Not Kip the Hip.

I'm just gonna tell them what a big thrill this is for me. And that's no put-on.

When I was a kid, Mr. O.,

I must've dug your flicks four zillion times.

You blew my mind.

Obviously.

Beautiful. Is that beautiful?

All right, come on. Let's — Let's go on.

Hey, man.

- Direct me, C.B. - I'll try.

All right, after Mr. Orlok comes out and says a few words —

That's when I hit him with questions from the kids in the audience.

All right, let's, uh — let's hear 'em.

Yeah, groovy.

Mr. Orlok —

Excuse me, do I call you Byron or Mr. Orlok?

- It doesn't matter. - Mr. Orlok.

Mr. Orlok. Groovy.

Got some questions here from the fans out there.

"Mr. O., how do you like being in motion pictures?"

What's the next one?

What's the next one?

"Is Byron Orlok your real name?"

- Sammy, this isn't very interesting. - Yes?

Jenny, can't we hold up those calls?

Dig, dig.

Um...

"What is your next flick gonna be?"

Sammy, this is dull. Deadly dull.

It's going to be my last appearance and I'd like to do something that —

- Yeah. - Hey, what are you cats talking about?

Why don't you tell them a story? You know a few scary stories.

- Yes, I might perhaps do that. Yes. - What's taking you so long?

- Hey, you know what they're doing? - Let me think.

I think I know a short one that might do.

- Let's hear it. - Yeah.

What about these questions?

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls,

I'd like to leave you with a little story to think about

as you drive home... through the darkness.

Once upon a time, many years ago —

There should be a pin spot I receive on my face as I'm talking.

Once upon a time, many, many years ago,

a rich merchant in Baghdad sent his servant to the marketplace

to buy provisions.

And after a while, the servant came back, white-faced and trembling, and said,

"Master, when I was in the marketplace, I was jostled by a woman in the crowd,

and I turned to look

and I saw that it was Death that had jostled me.

And she looked at me and made a threatening gesture.

Oh, master, please lend me your horse

that I may ride away from this city and escape my fate.

I will ride to Samarra, and Death will not find me there."

So the merchant loaned him the horse

and the servant mounted it and dug his spurs into its flank.

And as fast as the horse could gallop, he rode towards Samarra.

Then the merchant went to the marketplace,

and he saw Death standing in the crowd and he said to her,

"Why did you make a threatening gesture to my servant

when you saw him this morning?"

And Death said,

"I made no threatening gesture.

That was — That was only a start of surprise.

I was astonished to see him here in Baghdad,

for I have an appointment with him tonight...

in Samarra."

Ow! Sh —

Hey, what are you doing? Hey!

And now we're gonna go-go with big sound!

♪ And they all heard That my baby's comin' to California ♪

♪ And they all come by To tell me that she's gone ♪

♪ Because when I woke up this morning ♪

- ♪ She was gone ♪ - ♪ She was gone ♪

- ♪ She was gone ♪ - ♪ Yeah, she was gone ♪

- ♪ She was gone ♪ - ♪ She was gone ♪

♪ She was gone Yeah, she was gone ♪

Good evening, sir.

- One, please. - All right.

Squares, go home.

We only want winners because this is the winner spinner with sounds around.

Hit to hit. Now we're gonna play a record for you, and...

- That's one-fifty and two. - Thank you.

Mm-hmm.

♪ When I go by Baltimore ♪

♪ Need no carpet on my floor ♪

♪ Come along and follow me ♪

♪ We'll go down to Galilee ♪

♪ And it's a green, green rocky road ♪

♪ Promenade in green ♪

♪ Tell me who you love ♪ Tell me who you...

I really did mean one thing I said last night, Jenny.

I don't want you to return to London with me

if it's going to, uh, upset any plans.

I never make plans. You know that.

If you mean about Sammy and me,

it'll probably make things go one way or the other.

Mmm.

Do the Chinese have a saying for that too?

♪ How can you care about me ♪

♪ When you can't even see me ♪

♪ Standing alone, by your side? ♪

♪ You tell me that you won't Let your pride blow away ♪

♪ Without you, I just ♪

♪ I know I'm not the best ♪

♪ But you, you can't have all the rest ♪

♪ I sometimes wonder why ♪

♪ You can't see me ♪

♪ Promenade in green, tell me who you love Tell me who you love ♪

♪ Who you love ♪

Is Byron Orok here yet?

- Byron Orlok. - Orlok.

I don't know, Butch. He's probably here.

Good evening, Mr. Loughlin. How are you?

- Other folks here yet? - No, no, you're the first one.

It's starting! It's starting!

In the name of the government of France, I order you to open this door!

Your pardon, young sir.

I was at my devotions, and I did not hear you.

I'm sorry, sir.

Surely I made enough noise to wake the dead.

The government of France.

I've seen the uniforms of many governments in my time.

What do soldiers of France want here?

Shelter, for one thing.

Permit me to introduce myself.

Lieutenant Andre Duvalier, with the Chasseurs.

Baron Victor Frederick Von Leppe.

I suggest you will find better shelter in the village.

Thank you, Baron, but I've had my fill of village inns.

Surely, you wouldn't want to inconvenience a French officer?

Come in.

What you see, Lieutenant, is a plain but noble house.

Relics. Ghosts of past glories.

A noble heritage is something to be proud of, Baron.

I'm afraid we've forgotten that in France.

Ah, yes. Your name — Duvalier. Your family...

My father is the Comte d' Duvalier.

Was, until they spilled his head into a basket one morning

at the Place de la Concorde.

Forgive me for reviving painful memories.

You must be cold and tired, Lieutenant. Some cognac?

I would like that, Baron, thank you.

Sit down.

Stefan?

- Yes, Baron? - Cognac for our guest.

God, what an ugly town this has become.

Well, we certainly have a lot of police out here.

Baron, I wonder if l might ask

of the young woman I saw in the window before you came to the door.

A young woman?

Oh, I fear you're mistaken.

No, I'm not mistaken. I saw her.

Dark hair and eyes, about 20.

Well, I'm quite sure you think you saw someone, but...

I am in full possession of my faculties.

Please, allow me to show you something.

You should never believe everything your eyes tell you, young man.

Is that the girl you think you saw?

Of course.

Before you say anything else, examine the portrait closely —

the signature and, above all, the date.

1786?

But that's 20 years ago. Incredible.

The same girl, and she hasn't changed a bit.

She has been dead for 20 years.

With all respect, Baron,

for a ghost she's a very active young woman.

You're speaking of the Baroness Von Leppe, my wife.

I beg your pardon. I meant no...

...not quite as much as I had thought.

- The girl in the window — - Lieutenant Duvalier.

The only occupants of this castle are Stefan and myself.

You are the first visitor since the turn of the cen...

There he is! It's Byron Orlok!

- Good evening. - Hiya, folks.

Mr. Orlok, it certainly is a great honor to have you with us.

That's very kind of you. Where do you want us?

We have a little stage right up in front of the screen.

Come on in and let's have a drink. It's on Marshall.

Oh, thank you very much, but I think we'll just wait here in the car.

When do you want us to interrupt the film?

Do you have to interrupt the film at all?

Yeah, we're just waiting for Mr. Larkin.

Oh. Sam hasn't come yet, has he, Ed?

- No. - Then we'll just go up front and watch.

All right. When you go in, just turn around

and go all the way up to the front, up by the screen.

You won't be bothered there, Mr. Orlok.

Thank you very much. All right, Henry.

With my own hands I killed her.

- And her lover? - Stefan took care of him.

Later, I made up a story that she had died from some malady.

No one ever knew of her betrayal of me... or how.

Turn out the light!

For 20 years I've not set foot beyond the walls of this castle.

The light!

Hey, look, I'll take a look.

Stay in there! Keep down!

There's somebody shooting out here!

Open the window.

Has anyone else, except yourself, seen the spirit? Stefan, for instance.

You think I'm mad, don't you?

Right now, Baron, I'm not sure just what I think.

Ah.

But don't forget, you saw her too.

Strange not to hear any reactions, isn't it?

Take this gun.

Escort this gentleman from the castle.

If he resists, kill him.

Yes, Baron.

Somebody's drunk.

Careful.

Roll your window down! There's a sniper in here!

Help.

Shooting! Somebody's shooting! A sniper!

What? I can't hear you.

Will you turn that thing down, Eva?

- What? - There's a sniper here.

Turn those lights off!

Those damn kids again.

You're not alone.

Somebody's shooting at people in there!

Let's get out of here.

...with our love.

Well, they seem to be loving it, don't they?

- What's going on? - I don't know. We can't find the manager.

- Hey, C.B. What's happening? - I don't know.

- Is Mr. Orlok here yet? - Yes.

- Yes, he's right down by the screen. - Which side?

- On the right. - Okay, thanks.

God knows I have enough upon my conscience

without the senseless murder of a young man who never harmed me.

How do you know what harm he plans?

Want him wandering around the castle? Or him down in the crypt?

Take your life as you took mine.

Let your own hands destroy you, and we'll be together forever.

Forever.

You have to promise, Victor.

Forever.

Forever.

I will.

I will.

- Man's gone crazy! - What's going on? What's going on?

I don't know. People say there's a sniper out there someplace.

Go to the booth and tell Bill to stop the film.

...damned to eternal perdition.

Let me see who you really are!

No! No, come back! You must not!

No, no! Let me go! Let me go!

What kind of a woman are you?

Where are you?

Turn out those lights!

Turn those lights off! Why doesn't Bill —

- Bill's been shot. He's not moving. - My God, it's true then.

Helene!

Turn the lights off. I'm calling the police. Get Orlok out of there.

The baron... You're doing the best thing.

Oh, my God.

It's me. Open up!

Here, I've got one.

That man has a rifle.

Hold it.

My God. Jenny.

Turn this on.

There he is!

- Take care of her. - Mr. Orlok!

- Jenny! - Oh, I'm all right, Sam, but...

- What? - Byron.

Watch it. There's someone going up there.

You okay, Mr. Orlok?

Everything all right?

- He clean? - Yeah, he's clean.

Is that what I was afraid of?

Hello.

What's going on?

All right, boy, let's go.

I hardly ever missed, did I?

Don't worry. Stand back. Stand back. Let's go. Clear out.

It's over now. Let's go.

Byron, wait a minute!