Original subtitles

[?]

? It's a mad, mad world ?

? And guess who's gonna save it all? ?

? It's a dirty job ?

? But someone's gotta do it ?

? Yeah, we can do it ?

? Super Team Canada! ?

? Hey, hey! ?

? The fate of the free world ?

? Is in our hands ?

? We're the heroes of the land ?

? Super Team Canada! ?

[explosion]

[distant loon call]

[?]

There's no other choice.

We go with Emergency Option Two.

You're insane!

[Sask grunting]

[chimes sparkling]

[grunting happily]

[whistling]

- Do you believe in miracles? - [clapping]

[RCM-PC] Ho, ho!

[crowd cheering and gasping, camera shutters clicking]

Crisis averted,

but Sask, hopefully you've finally learned,

no more eating scalding hot chili

and resting the pot on your belly.

[grunting, flesh sizzling]

[team laughing]

[wind gusting, team gasping]

[spectral geese honking]

My aunties!

[Poutine] Ooh...

Team, there's trouble! Come quick!

Which is what I promise

you two ladies won't do with-

Great.

One off-colour joke,

and I'm turned into a mushroom.

I hate today's woke culture!

Guys, you came here about trouble?

Yes, we just picked up some huge bad spiritual energy.

It's coming from the secret underground bunkers

where Canada keeps its emergency maple syrup reserves.

The place with the entrance through the fake sex shop?

Yes! The same bunker

where the PM is currently holding

that global conference

about maple syrup prices

with all of the other world leaders.

They are being held hostage!

By whom?

"Whom?" [chuckles]

Easy there, high school diploma.

Five men with guns!

And we picked up this weird sound clip.

[voices garbled with static] There shall be...

...only one true king in the maple syrup game...

[static crackling] ...and it shall be me!

[gasping]

You need to save the syrup fast!

Talk about a sticky situation.

Aw...

We're on it. Let's go, guys!

[popping]

[buzzing]

[Breakaway] RCM-PC, anything on your scanners?

[RCM-PC] Five men, armed.

Danger level 10!

Uh, can I be de-mushroomed?

I've already been threatened to go in two different salad!

[sighing]

Ah, thank you!

I know I'm a fun guy,

but not a fungi!

Idea!

The bunker is a secret,

so the bad guy aren't expecting anyone else.

We sneak in through the sex shop,

overpower them,

and save the world leader.

[RCM-PC] We have no clue what we're walking into.

Exactly what my father told me

before my third wedding,

and that was the day

I was kicked in the stomach by a horse.

Anyway, hero time!

Oh, yeah.

[saxophone music playing]

[scanner warbling]

[RCM-PC] I think this is the elevator we need,

hidden here where no one would ever go.

[all shuddering] Ugh!

[beeping in error] Oh, it's locked.

There's no problem that can't be solved

with a shoulder check.

[crunching]

Can one of you go to the shoulder store

and buy me a new one?

Make sure you disable any alarms.

[alarms all blaring]

[elevator dinging, alarms blaring]

[RCM-PC] Oh, I don't know why my go-to

is always the blue wire.

Activating heat-signature ray.

[scanner warbling]

Whew!

My scanners show no people approaching.

[voice overhead] That is correct,

and the last thing you'll be right about.

[voice hissing and snarling]

[grunting with effort]

[groaning] No...

[PM] Super Team Canada!

We're saved!

- [team groaning] - Or not.

We found the world leaders

and some free explosives!

That's two things!

We're on fire!

[voice giggling and tittering]

[gasping]

Holy Hakan Loob!

Wakey, wakey, eggs and bakey!

[gun cocking]

No offense, Monsieur Freak, but what the hell are you?

My name is Flapjack!

I am the leader

of a secret race of batter-based organisms,

and have taken this facility

and all of your greedy leaders captive

for something critical to our survival.

Men who aren't afraid of strong women?

No, Canada's maple syrup!

For over 100 years,

your country has bled maple trees dry

and sold their precious fluids for their own profit,

and for the same amount of time,

my people have lived in the shadows,

desperate to stay moist

with the same syrup

you have arrogantly claimed!

Ever enjoyed a dry pancake?

I sure haven't,

and that's as far as I'm going to go

explaining my personal life,

so stop asking!

I demand that your country hands over

your entire syrup reserve right now,

and your Prime Minister signs this document

promising all future syrup to us, and us alone,

in perpetuity,

or I will blow up everything in this building,

and don't even think about using your powers in here.

My detonators are programmed to go off

at the slightest change in water content,

temperature,

impact,

or even overhyped cheese fries!

Why don't you just kill us all, take the syrup,

plus save on all the paperwork and legal fees?

[Sask grunting]

I mean, you dirty syrup-sucker.

If you think we're signing that,

you're crazy.

The whole reason for this reserve

is to give the world syrup

in case there's some sort of agricultural

or environmental disaster!

[Sask grunting]

And to go on top of Sasquatchewan's eggs.

Gross!

And I've had enough! What will it be?

You have 10 seconds.

That's not a lot of seconds!

Plus, Canada does have a policy

not to negotiate with breakfast foods.

[RCM-PC] No need!

We will sign on the PM's behalf.

What?

[RCM-PC] You are right.

Canada has selfishly kept the syrup as their own

for far too long.

But given how important this moment is,

we should use an extraordinary pen.

I like your style,

overly considerate robot.

[RCM-PC] It's called respect.

- Thank you. - [RCM-PC] No,

thank you!

[giggling, timer beeping]

I hope you like being exploded.

[explosion rumbling]

[RCM-PC laughing]

Aw, yeah!

- Wait, what? - Huh?

[grumbling]

Hmm?

[horn tooting]

Oh, it was the wrong one.

I really need to organize my pen drawer.

Kill them!

Kill them all!

[guns cocking]

[Sask grunting]

The contract was for show,

but now I'm going to make the syrup go!

[whistling]

[PM moaning] Fainting!

[blowing raspberry]

[team yelping]

[guns blasting]

Smooth move, dick lax.

[RCM-PC] I don't see you using

any of your stupid pucks to help!

Guys, just like my dong after too many brunch mimosas,

arguing, it is useless!

We can't outrun them like this.

[bullets ricocheting]

[Flapjack laughing]

We are almost done,

which means so are you.

You'll never get away with this!

Super Team Canada will stop you!

The only thing your precious heroes will stop

is being your precious heroes.

[beeping walkie-talkie] Progress report?

We've almost got them.

They're heading towards a dead end.

How appropriate.

Be back here in nine minutes, or you'll join them!

Dang it!

Looks like our game clock has run out.

No, we can't give up now.

Maybe if you and I make out,

it will distract them.

[bazooka powering up]

[RCM-PC's alarm beeping] Oh, wait! I have an idea!

Says the tin can whose ideas are 0-2 today.

No thanks, Crystal Pepsi!

[RCM-PC] No, no, this one'll work.

I know it!

We let them shoot us.

As much as they like maple syrup,

a pancake can only absorb so much.

I know I've been off today,

but I swear this will work! Trust me!

On my mark...

Sask, jump that big, fat, furry ass up to that pipe!

[distant explosion]

That noise means your friends are dead.

You'll never get away with this!

I'm afraid I just did.

[tittering]

I'm the king of the pancake world!

[rumbling]

Huh?

No, no, no, no!

No!

What's the matter, Flapjack?

We thought you ordered justice for breakfast!

[sobbing] Tell Mrs. Waffle

I've always loved her...

[?]

[pancakes screaming]

Hang onto something!

[magical chime]

[rumbling]

Ah!

[all landing noisily]

[groaning]

[coughing]

Super Team Canada, you did it!

H-E-double hockey sticks, yeah, we did.

Mr. PM, are you okay?

Aside from syrup in my private parts

and also my public parts,

I am.

[coughing]

And our country owes you a huge unpayable debt.

The same way we owe RCM-PC

for ever doubting her.

[RCM-PC chuckling] Oh... uh...

Activating blush cycle.

Canadian teamwork makes the Canadian dream work.

Glad to hear that,

because even though you stopped Flapjack,

we still have to resupply the syrup reserves.

[chuckling] Agreed,

but it will take years to refill that many barrel.

I'm sure you guys will find a super way to speed it up?

You're superheroes?

[boinging]

Only 469,359 maple trees to go.

Keep tappin', throw rug!

Tap! Tap! - [Sask grunting]

[RCM-PC] Look on the bright side.

There could not be a more Canadian ending

to our crazy Canadian adventure.

[snow blowing]

[beaver chittering]

[farting]

[cartoon-theme style "O, Canada" playing]

? It's a mad, mad world ?

? And guess who's gonna save it all? ?

? It's a dirty job ?

? But someone's gotta do it ?

? Yeah, we can do it ?

? Super Team Canada! ?

? Hey, hey! ?

? The fate of the free world ?

? Is in our hands ?

? We're the heroes of the land ?

? Super Team Canada! ?

[explosion]

[distant loon call]

Ah, spring is in the air, mon ami.

[grunting]

What's that?

You once had two lover at the same time?

Please, tellez-vous.

[dream harp strumming]

Ooh...

[Poutine] You met two tractor

who were sister,

and they never learn about each other?

[honking]

[chuckling] I'm impressed.

Wow, you are bordering on being as promiscuous as me.

I've done them all,

women, both real and inflatable,

large fruit, light aircraft.

I even banged Niagara Falls,

not the huge wet national treasure, but...

she was soaking by the time I, uh, you know-

Okay, we know. Let it go.

Sleeping with you is my biggest regret,

and that includes eating tainted pork

right before entering my Grade 3 trampoline-a-thon.

The horror.

[RCM-PC's alarm blaring] Alert! Alert!

The Prime Minister just called.

There's a huge emergency at the Council of Nations!

Trampolines covered in diarrhea?

Why on Earth would you think that?

You'll see.

You'll all see!

[crying]

I think I know someone

who could use a dose of Vitamin P!

[smacking]

[action music sting]

[PM] Thanks for coming, team.

I assume everyone here knows

the biggest danger of time travel?

Going back in time could change history

and destroy the world?

No, way bigger.

Oh! Uh, uh, time travel stories are lazy,

and-and riddled with clich�s.

Exactly!

Nevertheless, this orb was just dug up

by a construction crew in the Sahara.

Our scientists identified it

as the same stone discovered

and then quickly lost

by the esteemed British scientist

Dr. Edward Flubbin

in 1914.

In his notes, he very clearly explained

it is a portal through time.

And what makes you believe that?

Esteemed British scientist Dr. Edward Flubbin!

[spluttering] Ah!

[groaning]

Are you sure you don't want the U.N. barber

to trim that even a... even a skosh?

We went back in time to get him.

And you're beyond lucky you did.

The stone can sense emotions,

and will open portals related to them.

You need to lock up the stone somewhere safe

where no one can get to it.

If it were to ever fall into the wrong hands,

the world would be in terrible danger.

But whatever you do, don't touch it.

Copy that, we'll put it in with the lair cleaning supplies.

No one goes near them.

[Sask grunting]

- [orb power surging] - No, no!

[screaming]

[screaming] Whoa!

You idiot!

I said not to touch it!

You know, when I was a teenager,

my parents told me not to touch it.

I didn't listen.

Oh, my god.

[music playing, partiers cheering]

- Yeah! Whoo! - 1867!

This is the Canada Day Party

where I hooked up with Poutine.

It is!

And that's you!

Why are my hands down my pants?

Maybe you saw me and got excited.

I'm a human boner-lanche.

[Breakaway] That's French for "boner lunch."

Everyone, listen!

We cannot allow our employer

to dump kitchen grease into the river!

The beavers are choking on it.

I am Poutine!

My life's mission is to make sure

every greasy beaver is happy!

Sex face.

Even then I was suave.

Yuck. You fell for that?

Worse.

I'm having a party at my house tonight.

Free Nanaimo bars.

Ooh, I love Nanaimo bars.

Wait a minute.

- [Sask gasping] - This is my chance to erase

my greatest regret.

[Dr. Flubbin] No! We discussed this.

If you change the past,

it will have terrible ramifications!

I don't care. I must stop me.

Idiot!

[spluttering]

I'm starting to rethink the mustache.

Excuse me.

Whoa. You look just like me,

except super old with bad roots.

I wouldn't have to colour my stressed-out hair

if you didn't do something stupid

I regretted forever.

What did I do?

Sleeping with-

Terrible ramifications!

What was that?

A-a singing plant.

These new herbicides are ruining the planet.

It's a long story,

and I know from personal experience

you are currently too dumb to understand it,

so just promise me

you won't have sex with him, okay?

[grunting]

Everybody saw.

Nothing happened.

[Dr. Flubbin] Says the reckless woman

dressed like a blueberry. - [Sask smooching]

I'm touching it now, on purpose,

so we can go home.

[orb power surging]

[screaming]

[all groaning]

I landed on my wrong tug nuts.

See? We're in the PM's office,

and look around,

everything is exactly how we left it.

[all gasping]

Yes, if you wanted to be King George V.

[gasping]

Fuzzyface!

[smooching]

Ooh!

You haven't slapped me since our honeymoon.

Honeymoon?

We're married?

How could you forget, Bushymug?

I know, I know,

you're stressed

from homeschooling our quintuplets

and living with my incontinent mother.

You must be wiped out.

And speaking of wiping,

Mumsy made a mischief in the oven again.

No! No, no, no, no, no, no, no!

As NHL Commissioner,

congrats on winning the Stanley Cup.

I won the Stanley Cup?

I love this future.

[Niagara Falls] Too bad. We're outta here.

- [orb power surging] - No, no, no, no, no!

[screaming]

Uh-huh...

[team landing and groaning]

Run! Guys! It's a werewolf!

It's me, moron!

I'm back to tell you I was wrong.

Please have sex with that scumbag,

and if you regret it,

and cry in the shower every morning

for the rest of your life,

know it was worth it.

Forget it, not happening,

because I'm into this guy.

Yo, yo, yo, plimps!

Like players and pimps?

MC-PM says Halloween came early,

and he wants some candy.

[RCM-PC] Niagara!

[both] Yes?

Old hairy Niagara, come here!

What? I need to stop stupid me again!

[RCM-PC] You tried, it didn't work,

and being married to the Prime Minister

means you'll never have to look for parking.

Take the win.

Come on, let's go!

I'm not marrying that nerd,

even if my mustache grew super long

and looked super stupid, like yours.

[gasping] I know you're just lashing out

because you're upset.

Whatever. I fixed it.

Let's go see.

[screaming]

Now I'm a cheese monger?

[RCM-PC] I'm a diaper bucket?

And I seem to be some kind of a baby,

maybe even a human baby.

Still gathering clues.

Okay, so some little stuff got changed,

but the important thing is my beard is gone.

We're going back to fix this!

[screaming]

[landing]

[RCM-PC] Poutine,

according to my calculations,

there is only one way out of this mess.

You have to act like Young Poutine,

charm Young Niagara,

then step aside and let the real Young Poutine,

you know...

[squeaking]

I've got a better idea.

Uh, be right back.

As a baby, I'm bored.

Can someone let me play with their keys or something?

[RCM-PC] Not happening.

I'll pretend to be Young Niagara

and hit on young me,

because I know exactly what kind of dirty talk I like.

[RCM-PC] And then what?

You have sex with yourself?

No.

After I get young me all worked up,

I'll get out of the way,

and let him do the banging.

This plan makes no sense.

He just wants to dress like a girl.

[in high-pitched voice] I've reconsidered.

Let's do sex.

Choosing to ignore

your incredibly un-woman-like body,

okay.

[smooching]

[team groaning]

[sighing]

Quoi?

Hey there.

Ready to bang that guy's brains out?

What the hell? No way.

I can't let me do this.

I don't care what this affects.

Ah... idiots.

[screaming]

Oh, sweetheart!

[smooching]

I have some question.

I can answer one of them.

You guys are married.

[RCM-PC] And you're both Prime Minister.

But I'm not married,

and didn't sleep with Poutine,

so it's all good.

I don't know what you guys are talking about,

but what I do know

is that my lap is getting cold,

and I can't pass a bylaw

until someone's tushy warms it up.

Nope.

Idiots.

[screaming]

[partiers laughing and cheering]

Isn't it clear?

Young us-us need to bang!

[RCM-PC] Hey, wanna have sex with somebody?

Uh, sure,

but only if it's empty and meaningless.

What?

[RCM-PC] It's the only way to save the future.

I'm afraid the talking metal box is correct.

[RCM-PC] Tell him how to seduce you.

You took away my Stanley Cup and gave me diaper rash.

The least you can do

is let this loser destroy your dignity.

Fine.

When you talk to Niagara,

just be nice,

and offer her a Nanaimo bar,

and no pelvic thrusts.

No pelvic thrust?

How am I supposed to impress her?

You're smart, and classy, and sexy.

You'll figure something out.

[?]

[smooching]

[RCM-PC] No! Go seduce her!

[chuckling nervously] Hi.

What do you want?

Do you want a Nanaimo bar?

Really? Okay. [chuckling awkwardly]

Wanna dance?

[RCM-PC] Oh! And now our work is done.

And everyone got exactly what they wanted.

No, they didn't!

Well, I did,

and isn't that what really matter?

[smooching]

[screaming]

Please tell me you repaired the past.

Yup, things are back to normal.

Thank God.

Now could you figure out a way

to lock down this damn rock?

I will handle it,

then send myself back home,

because I'd rather deal with World War I

than this collection of morons.

- Hmm, yeah. - [all agreeing]

[grunting]

No!

[screaming]

[thudding, groaning]

[?]

Ooh...

[roaring and grunting]

[tractor parts clanging]

Idiots!

[gobbling]

[explosion]

["Taps" playing]

[?]

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