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1
00:00:18,600 --> 00:00:23,280
'Shoes. The boringest purchase.
If only Sophie was here.'
2
00:00:23,320 --> 00:00:27,960
'We could horse around
and spray suede protector about.'
3
00:00:28,000 --> 00:00:34,120
'Come on, Mark,
it's Sophie and Geoff now.
That's fine, it's not Armageddon.'
4
00:00:34,160 --> 00:00:37,960
'Relax. Live a little.
Could get brown brogues.'
5
00:00:38,000 --> 00:00:42,800
'Best stick to black.
Don't want to go completely mental.'
6
00:00:42,840 --> 00:00:47,560
Can I help you? Oh. Yeah. Thanks.
I'm after some shoes.
7
00:00:47,600 --> 00:00:52,200
I did think brown brogues,
but I'd look like a spiv.
8
00:00:52,240 --> 00:00:58,040
'Spiv? Of course,
because this is 1942
Come on, she's only a nice girl.'
9
00:00:58,080 --> 00:01:03,840
Say which ones,
cos one time I recommended shoes,
the person tried them on
10
00:01:03,880 --> 00:01:06,120
and they didn't look good,
11
00:01:06,160 --> 00:01:09,560
but then they bought them
and I felt bad.
12
00:01:10,920 --> 00:01:12,520
Sorry, you didn't need to know that.
13
00:01:12,560 --> 00:01:15,040
No, it's fine.
14
00:01:15,080 --> 00:01:20,960
I was thinking black, size eight.
But broad. I have a broad foot.
15
00:01:21,000 --> 00:01:24,160
Yeah? Doesn't feel so broad.
16
00:01:24,200 --> 00:01:26,520
But you know how broad they are!
17
00:01:26,560 --> 00:01:29,480
No, I just thought they were broad.
18
00:01:29,520 --> 00:01:31,400
'Keep feeling my foot. Please.'
19
00:01:31,440 --> 00:01:35,720
If we were using
Ancient Egyptian measurements,
20
00:01:35,760 --> 00:01:42,600
I'd say it was about
a fifth of a cubit,
or one hand. Your foot's a hand.
21
00:01:42,640 --> 00:01:45,320
Sorry, that's the geekiest joke.
22
00:01:45,360 --> 00:01:48,520
No, I thought it was funny.
I like Ancient Egypt, too.
23
00:01:48,560 --> 00:01:52,280
OK, I'll get you a couple of pairs.
24
00:01:52,320 --> 00:01:57,120
'Knows about cubits, not comfortable
in her own skin. She's one of me!'
25
00:01:58,160 --> 00:02:02,360
So, Hans - old issue, I know,
but the band name.
26
00:02:02,400 --> 00:02:06,560
It's a statement, but
what does the statement... mean?
27
00:02:06,600 --> 00:02:08,160
There you go. Free munchies.
28
00:02:08,200 --> 00:02:12,400
Did you just nick this? Course.
They should pay me to eat this shit.
29
00:02:12,440 --> 00:02:15,000
Free chocco. Mm, tasty.
30
00:02:15,040 --> 00:02:17,560
The secret ingredient is crime.
31
00:02:17,600 --> 00:02:22,560
So, Jez, you know Pete Preston's
outfit, the Executioner's Bong?
32
00:02:22,600 --> 00:02:28,040
Yeah, bunch of wankers.
Exactly. They want me to front them
for a couple of gigs.
33
00:02:28,080 --> 00:02:32,360
What? I'm gonna have to quit
Coming Up For Blair.
34
00:02:32,400 --> 00:02:37,640
You can't be in two bands - Tom
Petty tried that. Nearly killed him.
35
00:02:37,680 --> 00:02:44,200
What about me? And you owe me
for the computery thing
we don't know how to work.
36
00:02:44,240 --> 00:02:47,800
Maybe I can get you in
on... maracas.
37
00:02:47,840 --> 00:02:50,360
I wanna be in there on merit.
38
00:02:50,400 --> 00:02:51,560
You won't make it on merit.
39
00:02:51,600 --> 00:02:55,200
Just get me in.
Then we'll see about merit.
40
00:02:57,040 --> 00:03:02,240
'It's cool. I'm not a stalker.
I thank shop girls with chocolates.'
41
00:03:02,280 --> 00:03:09,240
'I just happened to pop by
a few days later to let her know
I've broken them in. That's my line.'
42
00:03:09,280 --> 00:03:15,080
Excuse me. Yes, sir? I'm looking
for April. I'm a friend and...
43
00:03:15,120 --> 00:03:16,280
You're a friend of April's?
44
00:03:16,320 --> 00:03:18,560
Yeah. What's this, the third degree?
45
00:03:18,600 --> 00:03:22,680
No, but obviously
April's at university now.
46
00:03:22,720 --> 00:03:28,040
Of course. Of course she is. We were
talking about that. OK, thanks.
47
00:03:28,080 --> 00:03:30,480
'Do a Columbo. Do a Columbo.'
48
00:03:30,520 --> 00:03:34,960
Just... remind me,
which university has April gone to?
49
00:03:35,000 --> 00:03:39,560
Dartmouth. Dartmouth. Of course.
Dartmouth. Thanks.
50
00:03:39,600 --> 00:03:45,280
'Good old Columbo. Just the one
technique, but shits on Quincy.'
51
00:03:46,840 --> 00:03:51,000
Yup, going on tour, baby. The
important thing is... I'm not Bez.
52
00:03:51,040 --> 00:03:53,080
Excellent, baby!
53
00:03:53,120 --> 00:03:56,560
What's a bez?
Oh, er, Bez in American...
54
00:03:56,600 --> 00:03:59,640
He's like... You know
Flavor Flav from Public Enemy?
55
00:03:59,680 --> 00:04:01,960
No.
56
00:04:02,000 --> 00:04:05,080
Well, he's like him.
But with maracas.
57
00:04:05,120 --> 00:04:09,800
Right. Hey, Jez is going
on a nationwide music tour.
58
00:04:09,840 --> 00:04:13,720
Three dates across the south coast,
100 quid a gig. You do the math.
59
00:04:13,760 --> 00:04:17,120
So you're all piling round in a van?
60
00:04:17,160 --> 00:04:23,640
Well, I'll be going
by National Express. You can't
make a van bigger than it is.
61
00:04:23,680 --> 00:04:28,600
No matter how much I or anyone else
may wish it were a bit... bigger.
62
00:04:28,640 --> 00:04:31,320
You do the math. -S. Math-s.
63
00:04:31,360 --> 00:04:35,400
Where are you going? All the biggies.
Southampton, Dartmouth, Plymouth.
64
00:04:35,440 --> 00:04:39,440
I'd love to see the English Riviera.
65
00:04:39,480 --> 00:04:43,360
Dartmouth?
The very student union where we met.
66
00:04:43,400 --> 00:04:44,360
Cool.
67
00:04:44,400 --> 00:04:48,440
'This isn't stalking.
I want to support Jez.'
68
00:04:48,480 --> 00:04:50,040
So, they good, this band?
69
00:04:50,080 --> 00:04:51,280
Bunch of wankers.
70
00:04:51,320 --> 00:04:53,320
I'd love to come, then.
71
00:04:56,360 --> 00:05:00,880
I bet you don't get these in the van.
Air on or off.
72
00:05:00,920 --> 00:05:07,200
How long does it take again?
Just eight and three-quarter hours.
Thank God we're not in the van.
73
00:05:07,240 --> 00:05:10,840
I can't believe
we're going back to Dartie.
74
00:05:14,840 --> 00:05:19,600
Those were the days. Did you
ever appeal about your degree mark?
75
00:05:19,640 --> 00:05:22,680
Who cares about that shit? I didn't
go to university to get a degree.
76
00:05:22,720 --> 00:05:24,960
No. Of course.
77
00:05:25,000 --> 00:05:27,200
No use regretting the past.
78
00:05:27,240 --> 00:05:31,560
I wish I'd done Ancient History...
I thought you did.
I did Business Studies.
79
00:05:31,600 --> 00:05:34,320
And I talked to you about it daily.
80
00:05:34,360 --> 00:05:35,440
Right.
81
00:05:35,480 --> 00:05:39,920
'I could say it's all ancient
history now. He wouldn't like it.'
82
00:05:39,960 --> 00:05:42,800
Well, it's all ancient history now.
83
00:05:47,320 --> 00:05:50,200
'Ha! I'm gonna razz those fuckers.'
84
00:05:50,240 --> 00:05:53,640
Mark, look,
it's Super Hans and the band.
85
00:05:55,040 --> 00:05:57,200
RINGING
86
00:06:01,560 --> 00:06:06,360
"You've reached the voicemail of..."
"Super Hans."
"Please leave a message."
87
00:06:06,400 --> 00:06:10,200
That guy. I love that guy.
That is so funny.
88
00:06:15,960 --> 00:06:21,480
'You won't be laughing so hard when
the loan repayments kick in, buddy.'
89
00:06:21,520 --> 00:06:24,040
'I suppose you can always defer.'
90
00:06:24,080 --> 00:06:30,840
'Showtime. "Just swinging
through town, thought I'd check
what's hot at the Arts Fac."'
91
00:06:30,880 --> 00:06:36,000
'After she's thrown up, we can go
for a pizza. I think that's her!'
92
00:06:36,040 --> 00:06:40,360
H... Hello?
Hi. Sorry. Hello?
93
00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:42,520
'Shit! Where's she going?'
94
00:06:42,560 --> 00:06:47,240
'I'm not licensed to be in this far.
I'm following her! Shit!'
95
00:06:47,280 --> 00:06:53,040
'What am I gonna do next, take
secret photos and lie masturbating
in my own filth?'
96
00:06:53,080 --> 00:06:55,000
Sorry, do I recognise you?
97
00:06:55,040 --> 00:06:57,960
Er, the... shoe shop?
98
00:06:58,000 --> 00:07:02,800
Black brogues. I thought I was
broad-footed, you felt otherwise.
99
00:07:02,840 --> 00:07:05,480
Wow! What are you doing here?
100
00:07:05,520 --> 00:07:08,880
Sorry, you're obviously a student.
Are you doing history, too?
101
00:07:08,920 --> 00:07:11,080
Er... yeah.
102
00:07:11,120 --> 00:07:13,080
Wow. Who's your tutor?
103
00:07:13,120 --> 00:07:14,200
Professor...
104
00:07:14,240 --> 00:07:17,080
'Netball? Keyser Soze?'
105
00:07:18,080 --> 00:07:19,480
..MacLeish.
106
00:07:19,520 --> 00:07:23,960
You're here for the tutorial.
Sorry. I'm a bit slow.
107
00:07:24,000 --> 00:07:26,560
They'll soon knock that out of me.
108
00:07:26,600 --> 00:07:28,960
Along with any individuality.
Not that I've got any.
109
00:07:29,000 --> 00:07:31,200
OK. Come on.
110
00:07:33,240 --> 00:07:35,200
After you.
111
00:07:35,240 --> 00:07:39,040
'Why am I walking
into the jaws of death?'
112
00:07:39,080 --> 00:07:41,560
'They're best avoided,
that's common knowledge.'
113
00:07:41,600 --> 00:07:44,320
Yes. So. Here we are.
114
00:07:44,360 --> 00:07:48,720
Another exciting trawl
down the vista of history.
115
00:07:48,760 --> 00:07:53,960
There is no new history,
only new historians. Ha, ha.
116
00:07:54,000 --> 00:07:55,480
Were you here last week?
117
00:07:55,520 --> 00:07:57,360
Me?
118
00:07:57,400 --> 00:08:01,000
'This is my moment of madness,
my Clapham Common.'
119
00:08:01,040 --> 00:08:04,640
Er, no. I'm... I'm new. I'm mature.
120
00:08:04,680 --> 00:08:10,560
I went to Coventry for a week in
error. Lovely. Destroyed in the war.
121
00:08:10,600 --> 00:08:15,000
There was a mix-up. I'm not
on the forms but I'm... here now.
122
00:08:15,040 --> 00:08:17,200
Well, obviously. Fine.
123
00:08:17,240 --> 00:08:18,640
What did you make of it?
124
00:08:18,680 --> 00:08:23,160
'Is that how easy it is
to steal some education?'
125
00:08:23,200 --> 00:08:25,960
'Bloody hell! Who's in charge?'
126
00:08:26,000 --> 00:08:32,160
'The world's just people
going into rooms and saying things?
It's all a swizzle?'
127
00:08:32,200 --> 00:08:35,320
I thought there were contradictions.
128
00:08:35,360 --> 00:08:38,960
They suggested Christ's Galilee
was culturally Roman.
129
00:08:39,000 --> 00:08:41,200
Not that old fallacy!
130
00:08:41,240 --> 00:08:45,120
The Romans didn't station a legion
in Galilee till, what, 130 AD?
131
00:08:45,160 --> 00:08:47,320
Yes, indeed.
132
00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:50,520
But I suppose all research funding
leads to Rome.
133
00:08:50,560 --> 00:08:52,240
What was your name again?
134
00:08:52,280 --> 00:08:55,280
Corrigan. Mark Corrigan.
135
00:08:55,320 --> 00:09:02,560
'I'm doing it, Dad.
I'm studying Ancient History
and there's not a thing you can do!'
136
00:09:02,600 --> 00:09:07,760
'I'll give them a hand. Not that
I'm a roadie. I'm just helping out.'
137
00:09:07,800 --> 00:09:10,360
'I bet Ringo had to carry stuff.'
138
00:09:10,400 --> 00:09:13,360
'Not that I'm anything like Ringo.'
139
00:09:13,400 --> 00:09:15,760
Are you in Executioner's Bong?
I sure am, little lady.
140
00:09:15,800 --> 00:09:19,320
Would you sign this? Fuck, yeah.
141
00:09:19,360 --> 00:09:24,840
Jez, when you've finished that,
could you get us six lattes?
142
00:09:24,880 --> 00:09:28,240
That is so Pete.
Fuck off, Pete.
143
00:09:28,280 --> 00:09:32,240
It's just a...
little thing we have going.
144
00:09:32,280 --> 00:09:35,160
You've seen Spinal Tap, yeah?
145
00:09:35,200 --> 00:09:42,160
If you're plagiarising, don't do it
from a book I've written.
It's almost bound to ring a bell.
146
00:09:42,200 --> 00:09:44,160
Mark, April, hold on.
147
00:09:44,200 --> 00:09:51,200
I'm having one of my gatherings
tonight for potential contributors
to my folly, Rhombus Magazine.
148
00:09:51,240 --> 00:09:53,120
Could you two make it?
149
00:09:53,160 --> 00:09:54,400
Yeah. Sure.
150
00:09:54,440 --> 00:09:57,960
'I'm being ushered
into the inner ring.'
151
00:09:58,000 --> 00:10:05,160
'I bet they make jokes about
the Atkins diet and do prank calls
to Gore Vidal in Esperanto.'
152
00:10:06,200 --> 00:10:07,920
So, what do you play in the Bong?
153
00:10:07,960 --> 00:10:10,640
Me? Er, everything. I do everything.
154
00:10:10,680 --> 00:10:14,360
I can't do it all at once
so I get them to help.
155
00:10:14,400 --> 00:10:18,760
Sometimes at a gig
I'll just cool it with the maracas.
156
00:10:18,800 --> 00:10:19,920
Oh, yeah, like Bez.
157
00:10:19,960 --> 00:10:23,760
No, not like Bez.
Nothing like fucking Bez.
158
00:10:23,800 --> 00:10:30,520
Can I ask your advice?
I really wanna set up a label
for bands that can't get a deal...
159
00:10:30,560 --> 00:10:35,480
'Maybe she'll suck me off
after the gig. What about Nancy?'
160
00:10:35,520 --> 00:10:38,200
'What am I gonna do
when she tries to suck me off?'
161
00:10:38,240 --> 00:10:43,720
..capitalist agendas that make
everyone sound basically the same.
162
00:10:43,760 --> 00:10:46,280
Sorry, I'd better just say now...
163
00:10:46,320 --> 00:10:48,760
I've got a girlfriend.
164
00:10:48,800 --> 00:10:51,280
POP
Aah.
165
00:10:51,320 --> 00:10:54,800
Wow! This is great. But aren't
you gonna max out on your loan?
166
00:10:54,840 --> 00:10:59,320
Fuck it. Get another one.
You can always defer.
167
00:10:59,360 --> 00:11:02,080
To university.
To university.
168
00:11:02,120 --> 00:11:06,280
'She is so lovely
and doesn't even realise.'
169
00:11:06,320 --> 00:11:09,880
'No-one's ever told her.
I'll tell her. No.'
170
00:11:09,920 --> 00:11:11,440
'If she realises, I'm finished.'
171
00:11:11,480 --> 00:11:16,080
Mark. You're here.
You didn't say. You're here.
172
00:11:16,120 --> 00:11:18,040
So, how do you two know each other?
173
00:11:18,080 --> 00:11:23,080
Let's not talk that shit.
"This is what I do, I'm from here."
174
00:11:23,120 --> 00:11:26,840
We're all people, after all.
With hands and feet.
175
00:11:27,800 --> 00:11:29,840
We met in our tutorial.
176
00:11:29,880 --> 00:11:31,160
You were in a tutorial?
177
00:11:31,200 --> 00:11:35,840
I may party hard,
but I do go to the odd tutorial.
178
00:11:35,880 --> 00:11:40,360
What? You have to,
if you do a history degree.
179
00:11:40,400 --> 00:11:42,120
You're doing a history degree?
180
00:11:42,160 --> 00:11:44,120
That's right, Jeremy.
181
00:11:44,160 --> 00:11:47,840
He's in a band.
His hearing's gone, all the gigs.
182
00:11:47,880 --> 00:11:51,840
How long are you gonna be here?
Three years?
183
00:11:51,880 --> 00:11:55,360
That's how long
undergraduate degrees are.
184
00:11:55,400 --> 00:11:57,280
So you're not coming back?
185
00:11:57,320 --> 00:11:59,320
Nope.
186
00:11:59,360 --> 00:12:02,240
So,... what shall I do?
Rent out your room?
187
00:12:02,280 --> 00:12:05,480
Of course. We've been over this.
188
00:12:05,520 --> 00:12:08,720
Have we? That's right, Jeremy.
189
00:12:08,760 --> 00:12:11,320
But I... I don't understand.
190
00:12:12,280 --> 00:12:17,080
Let me get you a drink. I'll explain
everything all over again.
191
00:12:18,560 --> 00:12:22,280
You're stalking her? No!
It's a passionate, romantic gesture.
192
00:12:22,320 --> 00:12:25,360
Right. I won't say a word.
193
00:12:25,400 --> 00:12:28,800
Good luck with the stalking.
I'm not stalking her.
194
00:12:28,840 --> 00:12:30,440
Jeremy, can I have a word?
195
00:12:30,480 --> 00:12:34,120
Yeah, sure, Pete.
196
00:12:34,160 --> 00:12:37,040
If it's about the amp,
I'd be happy to pay for any damage.
197
00:12:37,080 --> 00:12:39,040
It's Super Hans.
198
00:12:39,080 --> 00:12:41,480
He's nicked some booze
and stolen a maraca.
199
00:12:41,520 --> 00:12:43,720
I can work with just one.
200
00:12:43,760 --> 00:12:46,520
No, we need a kind of front-man.
201
00:12:46,560 --> 00:12:50,960
Hit keys on the sequencer,
make a bit of a show.
202
00:12:51,000 --> 00:12:53,000
Would you feel weird
about bumping Super Hans?
203
00:12:53,040 --> 00:12:55,560
No. I mean, yeah. But...
204
00:12:55,600 --> 00:13:00,760
No. Yes. Initially. But I've thought
about it and... no, I'd feel fine.
205
00:13:00,800 --> 00:13:02,800
All right. Wicked.
206
00:13:05,320 --> 00:13:07,640
'How cheap dare I go?'
207
00:13:07,680 --> 00:13:12,560
'Professor MacLeish said "party".
It'll get jumbled in the common lot.'
208
00:13:12,600 --> 00:13:17,120
'I could break the £2.99 barrier.
There be monsters.'
209
00:13:17,160 --> 00:13:21,120
'I'll dump this
and drink the communal lager.'
210
00:13:21,160 --> 00:13:26,080
Can you ask Mr Rashid
if he's got anything cheaper?
211
00:13:26,120 --> 00:13:28,280
OK. Fair enough.
212
00:13:28,320 --> 00:13:33,280
Mark, they've moved the bus stop.
Our bloody bus stop's been moved.
213
00:13:33,320 --> 00:13:38,000
Everything changes. Five years ago,
I'd have cut off my right leg
214
00:13:38,040 --> 00:13:41,640
just to speak to Professor MacLeish.
Now I'm going to his party.
215
00:13:41,680 --> 00:13:44,240
And I'm headlining a band.
216
00:13:44,280 --> 00:13:47,360
'Scuse me, friend, can I see
what you've got in your pocket?
217
00:13:47,400 --> 00:13:49,800
Why... I'm not a student.
218
00:13:49,840 --> 00:13:55,360
I am a real person. Mr Rashid, it's
us! Remember? The El Dude brothers.
219
00:13:55,400 --> 00:13:57,760
You gave us that out-of-date hummus.
220
00:13:57,800 --> 00:14:00,520
Jez was really ill
and we laughed about it.
221
00:14:00,560 --> 00:14:03,000
Who the hell put that there?
222
00:14:13,960 --> 00:14:17,120
'I can't believe
he called the police!'
223
00:14:17,160 --> 00:14:20,880
I've gotta get out.
I'm meant to be on stage.
224
00:14:20,920 --> 00:14:24,960
What the hell were you thinking?
Why didn't you just pay for it?
225
00:14:25,000 --> 00:14:27,800
They should pay us to eat that crap.
226
00:14:27,840 --> 00:14:31,200
Stealing just makes
everything very cheap.
227
00:14:31,240 --> 00:14:33,280
Plus, you know how I feel
about capitalism.
228
00:14:33,320 --> 00:14:35,680
Yes. Confused.
229
00:14:35,720 --> 00:14:39,880
I'm supposed to be
on stage right now.
230
00:14:39,920 --> 00:14:45,320
I was wondering. Maybe you could,
somehow... take the rap for me.
231
00:14:45,360 --> 00:14:47,920
We could say I was in your thrall.
232
00:14:47,960 --> 00:14:49,000
Like Hindley.
233
00:14:49,040 --> 00:14:54,000
No way. April's probably
getting chatted up by some student
234
00:14:54,040 --> 00:14:57,880
who's realised she's got the magical
combo of beauty and low self-esteem.
235
00:14:57,920 --> 00:15:00,200
OK. Here's the plan.
236
00:15:00,240 --> 00:15:05,200
Good cop, bad cop. I say I'm ill,
Mr Rashid comes in, all sympathetic.
237
00:15:05,240 --> 00:15:11,240
You stand there, hit him - gently
but firmly - until he stops...
238
00:15:11,280 --> 00:15:16,200
..not moving, but resisting.
We exit posthaste. Yeah?
239
00:15:16,240 --> 00:15:21,200
We murder Mr Rashid? What is it with
you and stealing and murdering today?
240
00:15:21,240 --> 00:15:24,440
You're mad on it.
Great. Let's just do it.
241
00:15:24,480 --> 00:15:30,240
No! There's procedures. We need
to go through the proper channels.
All right!
242
00:15:30,280 --> 00:15:36,600
Since you're so set
on a life of crime, no point
in adding criminal damage as well.
243
00:15:36,640 --> 00:15:38,640
Ooh!
244
00:15:40,800 --> 00:15:47,160
Great. Cheer up, mate.
We're outlaws. Like Bonnie and
Clyde, Butch and Sundance.
245
00:15:47,200 --> 00:15:49,440
I'll leave £10 and a note.
246
00:15:54,400 --> 00:15:59,000
I don't need a ticket,
I'm in the band. I got waylaid.
247
00:15:59,040 --> 00:16:03,840
I'm not with the shit-munchers.
Do I look like a civilian?
248
00:16:03,880 --> 00:16:07,960
You are gonna be so embarrassed
in a few minutes.
249
00:16:09,280 --> 00:16:13,200
'Scuse me! Sorry. I'm in the band.
250
00:16:13,240 --> 00:16:17,720
I need to get to the stage.
I'm in the... band.
251
00:16:17,760 --> 00:16:21,200
'Shit! He's already
back in the band.'
252
00:16:21,240 --> 00:16:23,720
Oi! Lads! I'm here!
253
00:16:23,760 --> 00:16:26,440
It's me! I say! Lads!
254
00:16:26,480 --> 00:16:29,840
Pete!
This faker said he was in the band.
255
00:16:29,880 --> 00:16:35,000
I'm in the band all right.
I've just crossed the fourth wall.
256
00:16:36,360 --> 00:16:38,360
'Crowd-pleaser.'
257
00:16:42,760 --> 00:16:46,160
"Let's do it! Let's have it!"
258
00:16:46,200 --> 00:16:49,000
"Look, I'm in the band."
259
00:16:49,040 --> 00:16:53,840
"You've got my bollock.
You're pulling on my bollock."
260
00:16:55,480 --> 00:17:01,960
I was, like, "Yeah, the book's
based on good source material -
Asterix The Gaul."
261
00:17:04,560 --> 00:17:09,640
So, Mark, do you fancy
doing a little piece for Rhombus?
262
00:17:09,680 --> 00:17:13,360
500 words or so, kicking
the shit out of Simon Schama.
263
00:17:13,400 --> 00:17:15,360
Love to.
264
00:17:15,400 --> 00:17:20,160
I could lay into his... accessible,
interesting take on things.
265
00:17:20,200 --> 00:17:22,880
'To enter the elite,
I must shit on my heroes.'
266
00:17:22,920 --> 00:17:25,680
It could be a regular column.
267
00:17:25,720 --> 00:17:27,360
Slaying the middlebrow sacred cows.
268
00:17:27,400 --> 00:17:32,360
'I can pen insights from the flat.
The Zorro of academia.'
269
00:17:32,400 --> 00:17:37,400
'"Who is that masked intellectual who
pricks our pomposity?" Ooh, rough.'
270
00:17:37,440 --> 00:17:40,160
'Miscalculated. Dinner party.'
271
00:17:40,200 --> 00:17:44,000
'Still, if I drink it all,
no-one need know.'
272
00:17:46,600 --> 00:17:48,160
Special bottle?
273
00:17:48,200 --> 00:17:52,560
Just... mine.
I like to know how much I've drunk.
274
00:17:52,600 --> 00:17:56,080
Are you driving?
No, it's in case anything happens.
275
00:17:56,120 --> 00:17:57,960
'He thinks I mean date rape.'
276
00:17:58,000 --> 00:18:00,920
Not date rape. Other things.
277
00:18:01,800 --> 00:18:06,240
April, come and join us.
We're talking about my column.
278
00:18:06,280 --> 00:18:08,960
I'm just gonna read Deidre's play.
279
00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:12,520
Emily Dickinson and
Virginia Woolf's search
280
00:18:12,560 --> 00:18:15,680
for a lost Sappho manuscript on
Lesbos. Could there be a subtext
281
00:18:15,720 --> 00:18:17,880
Great!
282
00:18:17,920 --> 00:18:23,440
'Plays, wine, Lesbos... I've arrived!
Just don't mention Bravo Two Zero.'
283
00:18:25,240 --> 00:18:27,920
Hello. Hello.
284
00:18:27,960 --> 00:18:29,920
Do I know you?
285
00:18:29,960 --> 00:18:33,760
No, I'm a friend of Mark's
and I just had my dreams smashed
286
00:18:33,800 --> 00:18:36,080
by the most punctual
electro-dub outfit in Britain.
287
00:18:36,120 --> 00:18:42,040
'He shouldn't be here. There's
limited room in the inner ring.'
288
00:18:42,080 --> 00:18:44,880
So, you all look pretty happy.
289
00:18:45,800 --> 00:18:47,760
Being students.
290
00:18:47,800 --> 00:18:52,040
Well, I've got news for you.
The shit-storm is coming.
291
00:18:52,080 --> 00:18:57,440
That's the real world out there and
let me tell you, baby, it is fucked.
292
00:18:57,480 --> 00:19:02,600
Is that what Dr Chomsky and Michael
Moore told you? In lieu of a degree.
293
00:19:02,640 --> 00:19:05,240
I've got a degree, my friend.
294
00:19:05,280 --> 00:19:10,040
I was here in the glory years -
mid-'90s. Britpop was kicking off.
295
00:19:10,080 --> 00:19:12,440
Four Weddings had just come out.
296
00:19:12,480 --> 00:19:18,200
Four Weddings?
It's a... film, Alasdair. Very
popular at the time. About weddings.
297
00:19:18,240 --> 00:19:21,600
Oh, come on.
You have seen Four Weddings.
298
00:19:21,640 --> 00:19:24,200
You're this oh-so-clever professor
299
00:19:24,240 --> 00:19:31,360
who hasn't got time to watch
Four Weddings or Ghostbusters like
the rest of us? I'm not buying it.
300
00:19:31,400 --> 00:19:33,880
I spend my free time reading,
301
00:19:33,920 --> 00:19:36,120
rather than watching Ghostbusters.
302
00:19:36,160 --> 00:19:43,240
What is the problem with
Ghostbusters? "Oh, look how many
books I've got. I must be clever."
303
00:19:43,280 --> 00:19:47,280
Yeah? Well, let's see
how really great they are.
304
00:19:47,320 --> 00:19:50,760
Jeremy, don't manhandle the books!
305
00:19:50,800 --> 00:19:53,680
Sister Carrie by Theodore Dreiser.
306
00:19:54,520 --> 00:19:58,880
"The look on her face
was one of disappointment."
307
00:19:58,920 --> 00:20:01,800
What's good about that?
308
00:20:01,840 --> 00:20:03,520
I don't actually care for Dreiser.
309
00:20:03,560 --> 00:20:08,440
I see. These are just rows
of books you don't really like.
310
00:20:08,480 --> 00:20:11,160
Do you sit around not reading them?
311
00:20:11,200 --> 00:20:12,360
I think you've said enough.
312
00:20:12,400 --> 00:20:17,040
Why don't you go and
lie in the recovery position?
313
00:20:17,080 --> 00:20:23,120
This is all bollocks. You don't
belong here with the pointy-heads.
Tell them.
314
00:20:23,160 --> 00:20:26,880
Tell them that
I'm a hard-working mature student?
315
00:20:26,920 --> 00:20:31,400
He's not a mature student.
He's a loan manager.
316
00:20:31,440 --> 00:20:36,400
He lives with me and he eats ready
meals and we play Guess the Revels
317
00:20:36,440 --> 00:20:41,400
and watch Men In Black on our huge
telly and have a fucking good time.
318
00:20:41,440 --> 00:20:42,520
Loan manager?
319
00:20:42,560 --> 00:20:46,840
I manage my... student loan.
I manage... on it.
320
00:20:46,880 --> 00:20:53,320
April, listen,
I was thinking, I should really go.
D'you want to go now? With me?
321
00:20:53,360 --> 00:20:57,760
We're gonna smoke a joint and read
Logue's Homer. You can play Helen.
322
00:20:57,800 --> 00:20:59,960
Or I've got six quid.
323
00:21:00,000 --> 00:21:04,840
Let's get two bottles of Thunderbird.
See who can drink theirs fastest.
324
00:21:06,840 --> 00:21:08,640
So, which one's your dorm?
325
00:21:08,680 --> 00:21:10,560
Keyser Soze Hall. D'you know it?
326
00:21:11,800 --> 00:21:15,240
Horribly ugly.
It's for mature students.
327
00:21:15,280 --> 00:21:21,760
They lock us away
in case we infect you with
our diligence and lust for knowledge.
328
00:21:21,800 --> 00:21:28,000
'OK. Dangerously close
to getting what I want.
Don't think about Sophie.'
329
00:21:28,040 --> 00:21:29,080
Love your room.
330
00:21:29,120 --> 00:21:33,400
Thanks. The basic undergraduate
lunge for individuality.
331
00:21:33,440 --> 00:21:35,880
I've not even seen Betty Blue.
Have you?
332
00:21:35,920 --> 00:21:38,680
Yeah. Great sex-and-suicide flick.
333
00:21:38,720 --> 00:21:41,520
Turned a generation of men
on to girls with mental illness.
334
00:21:41,560 --> 00:21:43,760
OK.
335
00:21:43,800 --> 00:21:49,360
'The kind of scenario that used to
terrify me that now I can handle.'
336
00:21:49,400 --> 00:21:55,520
'Just... lean in or pull her
towards... me and just... simply...'
337
00:21:57,280 --> 00:22:01,360
'This is my chance!
And I'm doing... nothing.'
338
00:22:01,400 --> 00:22:04,360
'I am now, this instant,
missing my chance.'
339
00:22:04,400 --> 00:22:08,400
So... I might... turn in.
340
00:22:08,440 --> 00:22:10,960
Er,... yeah. OK.
341
00:22:11,000 --> 00:22:13,560
Right. I might... go, then.
342
00:22:14,840 --> 00:22:16,440
See you soon.
343
00:22:16,480 --> 00:22:19,360
OK. Cool. See you.
344
00:22:22,920 --> 00:22:26,560
'Oh, well. I kept
myself pure for Sophie.'
345
00:22:26,600 --> 00:22:31,040
'Like nuns do for Christ.
I'm not sleeping with him.'
346
00:22:31,080 --> 00:22:34,120
'She can only hurt me emotionally.'
347
00:22:34,160 --> 00:22:38,520
Look, just now
I wanted to... make the move.
348
00:22:38,560 --> 00:22:42,080
I just wanna know,
if I make the move now,
349
00:22:42,120 --> 00:22:46,920
even though, admittedly,
the moment has sort of... gone,
350
00:22:46,960 --> 00:22:52,920
you're not gonna back away or
look disgusted or anything, are you?
351
00:22:54,040 --> 00:22:56,040
Great. Thanks.
352
00:23:03,840 --> 00:23:05,440
Just gonna go to the loo.
353
00:23:05,480 --> 00:23:07,400
OK.
354
00:23:12,680 --> 00:23:16,440
Sophie. It's Mark here.
Sorry to call so late.
355
00:23:16,480 --> 00:23:21,040
I just wanted to remind you
to print the proposal docs
356
00:23:21,080 --> 00:23:23,640
for the big meet tomorrow at 5pm.
357
00:23:23,680 --> 00:23:28,280
I'm in Dartmouth,
with a lovely young student girl.
358
00:23:28,320 --> 00:23:34,480
I just made the move,
which went brilliantly.
Now we're probably gonna go to bed.
359
00:23:34,520 --> 00:23:36,640
See you tomorrow. Bye. >
360
00:23:40,680 --> 00:23:43,480
Mark, listen, I was just thinking.
361
00:23:43,520 --> 00:23:48,960
Don't get me wrong. I like you.
I think I really like you.
362
00:23:49,000 --> 00:23:51,040
And I really like you.
363
00:23:51,080 --> 00:23:55,400
It's just... it's late.
I've had a few wines.
364
00:23:55,440 --> 00:23:58,800
I could hardly focus
on the bog roll.
365
00:23:58,840 --> 00:24:01,320
Let's do this another night.
366
00:24:01,360 --> 00:24:02,520
Another night?
367
00:24:02,560 --> 00:24:05,880
'That'd be fine. If I hadn't lied
about everything except my name.'
368
00:24:05,920 --> 00:24:10,280
No, it's got to be...
It should be tonight.
369
00:24:10,320 --> 00:24:14,960
But we've both got to get up early.
It's Babylon at nine.
370
00:24:15,000 --> 00:24:20,240
Let's... tonight. I really feel
that the mood's... right tonight.
371
00:24:20,280 --> 00:24:22,600
We've got three more years.
372
00:24:23,240 --> 00:24:26,000
Let's just... lie here and cuddle.
373
00:24:27,400 --> 00:24:29,360
Oh. Right.
374
00:24:29,400 --> 00:24:31,360
Nice cuddle.
375
00:24:31,400 --> 00:24:33,400
MOBILE RINGS
376
00:24:34,840 --> 00:24:38,440
Hi. Oh, h... hello, Sophie.
377
00:24:39,200 --> 00:24:43,040
Yes, I'm sorry
to have called you so late.
378
00:24:44,560 --> 00:24:49,520
I thought you might be interested
in how things were going for me.
379
00:24:50,520 --> 00:24:52,520
But you're not.
380
00:24:59,760 --> 00:25:02,080
See you after the lecture.
381
00:25:02,120 --> 00:25:04,760
Yeah. See you after the lecture.
382
00:25:08,440 --> 00:25:13,360
'At least I never had to watch her
recoil at my scrotal scar.'
383
00:25:14,800 --> 00:25:19,560
She would've done it. Given another
night or two. She would have.
384
00:25:19,600 --> 00:25:23,440
Yeah. So, another notch
on the bedpost.
385
00:25:24,400 --> 00:25:28,600
Sort of. 'This is OK. This is just
a moment that'll haunt me forever.'
386
00:25:36,760 --> 00:25:42,000
Everybody's coming to get me
387
00:25:44,880 --> 00:25:47,720
With the moles
32508
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