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1
00:00:23,960 --> 00:00:28,320
'Life's all pain.
Pain, rejection and gloom.'
2
00:00:28,400 --> 00:00:32,720
'Why do we pretend there's anything
but blankness at the heart...
3
00:00:32,800 --> 00:00:37,560
'Hey, 33 per cent extra free.
Heh, I am doing excellent shopping.'
4
00:00:37,560 --> 00:00:41,840
'My depressed state is making me
even more frugal than normal.'
5
00:00:41,920 --> 00:00:47,720
Mark!
6
00:00:42,720 --> 00:00:47,720
Hey, Jeremy.
7
00:00:44,120 --> 00:00:47,720
Tinned food is just for crackheads
and wars.
8
00:00:47,920 --> 00:00:52,320
Oh, oh, no, no. Mate,
this stuff is 78 pence a 100ml.
9
00:00:52,360 --> 00:00:58,360
It's first pressing.
Want to wait till everyone else
has had their fun with the olives?
10
00:00:58,360 --> 00:01:05,680
Fourth pressing -
that'll be a party in your mouth
11
00:01:01,800 --> 00:01:05,680
We've been through this,
I do the joint shopping solo.
12
00:01:05,760 --> 00:01:11,200
I don't make impulse purchases
and am less swayed by the power of...
13
00:01:09,040 --> 00:01:11,200
I'm not shopping!
14
00:01:11,400 --> 00:01:15,560
I came here to tell you we've
been invited to a very wicked party.
15
00:01:15,760 --> 00:01:20,160
Do I look like the kind of man
who goes to wicked parties? Ask Toni.
16
00:01:20,240 --> 00:01:24,760
I did, but she said no. It's better
this way! You know, two lads.
17
00:01:24,840 --> 00:01:28,160
We've got to get out there,
grooving, doing it!
18
00:01:28,240 --> 00:01:33,680
It's been a long time
for either of us. I haven't
had my oats in - what? Two weeks!
19
00:01:33,720 --> 00:01:39,240
'Nine months and 13 days.'
20
00:01:35,000 --> 00:01:39,240
Look at us. People will think
we spend all our time wanking.
21
00:01:39,320 --> 00:01:42,520
They're homey!
They're for wiping up mess.
22
00:01:42,720 --> 00:01:47,840
Yeah, man mess.
That's why they're called man-size.
23
00:01:45,680 --> 00:01:47,840
They're for men - men's noses!
24
00:01:47,840 --> 00:01:50,000
Big, manly snot.
25
00:01:51,520 --> 00:01:54,120
Oh, Mark, come on, man, let it go.
26
00:01:54,320 --> 00:01:59,360
What? Why must you have a huge can
of lager that makes you really drunk?
27
00:01:59,440 --> 00:02:07,120
What's wrong with moderation?
28
00:02:01,120 --> 00:02:07,120
If you want to get Sophie back home
you'll want to get her lathered up.
29
00:02:04,800 --> 00:02:07,120
That won't happen any time soon.
30
00:02:07,200 --> 00:02:11,440
Oh shit. Did you...?
31
00:02:08,800 --> 00:02:11,440
Mm-hm.
32
00:02:09,440 --> 00:02:11,440
And she...
33
00:02:11,600 --> 00:02:15,880
I mean it's not a date or anything
because I've got a Megapass.
34
00:02:15,960 --> 00:02:18,200
How do you feel about row G?
35
00:02:18,280 --> 00:02:22,720
Tonight?
36
00:02:19,160 --> 00:02:22,720
Yeah, I thought...
37
00:02:20,480 --> 00:02:22,720
Oh, Mark... Listen, I'm sorry,
38
00:02:22,800 --> 00:02:26,480
I'd love to but, er,
I've got this... thing.
39
00:02:26,560 --> 00:02:28,560
Oh, man, I'm...
40
00:02:28,640 --> 00:02:32,280
But this is the perfect time
to get back in the game!
41
00:02:32,360 --> 00:02:36,680
You know, two guys together,
out, looking for... it.
42
00:02:36,880 --> 00:02:43,440
No, thank you. I mean how much pain
can I experience at home with
a spaghetti carbonara and Das Boot?
43
00:02:43,520 --> 00:02:46,120
Look, it's 8 o'clock, Friday night.
44
00:02:46,200 --> 00:02:51,160
Most people aren't shopping,
they're out right now, yeah?
45
00:02:49,000 --> 00:02:51,160
That's right, no queues.
46
00:02:51,160 --> 00:02:53,320
So who exactly is winning, eh?
47
00:02:58,200 --> 00:03:02,200
'OK, well, I'm here,
so I'll just sit here and drink.'
48
00:03:02,560 --> 00:03:06,880
'No-one can stop me doing that.
Just drink myself to death.'
49
00:03:07,040 --> 00:03:12,920
'I bet he gets sex tonight
and I have to listen
to the whole thing through the wall.'
50
00:03:13,000 --> 00:03:18,360
'Maybe she'll go to the bathroom and
accidentally come back into my room.'
51
00:03:18,440 --> 00:03:26,040
'And then what, she fucks you?
No, she says "whoops" and leaves.
Stop doing this to yourself.'
52
00:03:24,040 --> 00:03:26,040
So safe party, yeah?
53
00:03:26,120 --> 00:03:28,120
Super safe!
54
00:03:28,200 --> 00:03:31,280
'OK, OK. Playing it cool, huh?'
55
00:03:31,360 --> 00:03:35,680
'Very well, how about I go
a little Oscar Wilde on your ass?'
56
00:03:35,880 --> 00:03:38,400
I always go for the first pressing,
57
00:03:38,480 --> 00:03:43,320
I mean why wait till everyone else
has had their fun with the olives?
58
00:03:44,000 --> 00:03:47,200
'What's her problem?
This is the 21st century,
59
00:03:47,280 --> 00:03:50,400
olive oil is
a perfectly acceptable topic.'
60
00:03:52,520 --> 00:03:57,200
'Someone here's got psoriasis. One
of the less common skin ailments.'
61
00:03:57,400 --> 00:04:03,120
'Yeast infection -
thrush, if you're thinking glamorous,
or just athlete's foot.'
62
00:04:03,320 --> 00:04:05,560
'A fellow migraine sufferer.'
63
00:04:05,640 --> 00:04:11,000
'Everyone at this party
isn't as young, fit and single
as they're making out.'
64
00:04:11,080 --> 00:04:15,480
'Yep, let's face it, we're all
falling apart, piece by piece.'
65
00:04:15,560 --> 00:04:19,000
'Doesn't matter if you're single
or in a couple -
66
00:04:19,080 --> 00:04:22,000
you... are... going... to... die.'
67
00:04:26,320 --> 00:04:31,200
Frozen stuff - I, er,
don't want them to, you know, thaw.
68
00:04:34,760 --> 00:04:38,560
Hey! You've got
Findus Crispy Pancakes. I love them!
69
00:04:38,760 --> 00:04:42,480
They're just so... disgusting,
aren't they?
70
00:04:42,560 --> 00:04:48,880
Er, yeah.
71
00:04:44,160 --> 00:04:48,880
My sister, who's a smackhead, I
ended up there for Christmas dinner,
72
00:04:48,880 --> 00:04:53,760
and we had Turkey Findus Crispy
Pancakes. That was Christmas dinner.
73
00:04:53,760 --> 00:04:57,320
I wanted to kill myself.
74
00:04:54,720 --> 00:04:57,320
That would be the natural reaction.
75
00:04:57,920 --> 00:05:00,200
Can I... have a jam doughnut?
76
00:05:00,280 --> 00:05:02,600
Huh? Yeah, sure.
77
00:05:02,840 --> 00:05:05,360
Who are you trying to bone tonight?
78
00:05:05,560 --> 00:05:07,640
Oh, I'm not in the game.
79
00:05:07,640 --> 00:05:11,280
If I can get my shopping home
intact, I'll be happy.
80
00:05:11,360 --> 00:05:16,720
Just like be honest about it.
I mean let's line up two naked rows,
81
00:05:16,800 --> 00:05:20,600
best-looking people can pick
the best-looking people,
82
00:05:20,600 --> 00:05:26,400
the dregs can be left with the dregs
and we can all go home early.
83
00:05:23,400 --> 00:05:26,400
That is actually an attractive system
84
00:05:26,480 --> 00:05:30,480
Yeah, and it saves all
having to humiliate themselves.
85
00:05:30,560 --> 00:05:34,160
Check out this guy.
86
00:05:32,160 --> 00:05:34,160
Yeah.
87
00:05:37,000 --> 00:05:41,520
'This is great, knew this would
pay off. Talking's bullshit.'
88
00:05:41,720 --> 00:05:44,840
'"Yeah, I did this, I go there."'
89
00:05:44,920 --> 00:05:49,400
'OK, there's a new guy in town.
Probably just a friend.'
90
00:05:49,480 --> 00:05:53,600
'Yeah - me, her and her friend,
it's kind of nice, really.'
91
00:05:54,480 --> 00:05:57,160
'Hey, that's a foul! Fuck!'
92
00:05:57,240 --> 00:05:59,400
'God, she must be loving this.'
93
00:05:59,480 --> 00:06:02,840
'I feel so cheap,
I thought we had something.'
94
00:06:03,640 --> 00:06:05,880
So you work in an office,
95
00:06:06,240 --> 00:06:10,480
and you've got like
your computer and your desk...
96
00:06:11,200 --> 00:06:13,520
God! That is so fucking weird!
97
00:06:13,600 --> 00:06:17,360
Well, you know, everything's
decaying, so as I see it,
98
00:06:17,560 --> 00:06:22,560
has there ever been a better time to
save up for a very comfortable sofa?
99
00:06:22,600 --> 00:06:27,520
'She's a teenager, for God's sake!
You'll get castrated by the menfolk.'
100
00:06:27,600 --> 00:06:29,800
'Maybe she's a... Oh, God!'
101
00:06:29,880 --> 00:06:33,120
Hey, love the suit,
you selling insurance?
102
00:06:33,320 --> 00:06:38,360
Hey, no need to look like you've sat
on a brush, we're only razzing you.
103
00:06:38,440 --> 00:06:43,720
We are the mods.
104
00:06:44,720 --> 00:06:48,240
My brother is such a dickhead,
I wish he was dead.
105
00:06:48,320 --> 00:06:52,040
That's a bit much.
Pretend you need his bone marrow.
106
00:06:52,120 --> 00:06:54,200
Apparently, it's agony.
107
00:06:55,480 --> 00:07:00,920
'I can't believe
she's snogging him already.
The dream is over, I am detritus.'
108
00:07:01,000 --> 00:07:05,800
Hey, Jezz. I just wanted to tell you
we're going, er, to the Lazerbowl.
109
00:07:06,000 --> 00:07:13,440
We're going to the Lazerbowl?
110
00:07:07,200 --> 00:07:13,440
Me and Valerie were going
to kill her brother but we thought
the Lazerbowl would be more fun.
111
00:07:13,520 --> 00:07:18,000
Me, you and Valerie are going
to the Lazerbowl?
112
00:07:15,200 --> 00:07:18,000
I hadn't thought you would be, er,...
113
00:07:18,200 --> 00:07:20,600
Maybe I'll see you later, at home?
114
00:07:21,080 --> 00:07:24,880
Do you think... ?
Would you mind taking the shopping?
115
00:07:25,080 --> 00:07:29,920
I left some stuff
in the freezer compartment.
116
00:07:27,520 --> 00:07:29,920
Maybe I could bring someone along.
117
00:07:30,120 --> 00:07:33,920
Er, I mean... I guess.
118
00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:36,440
I'll call Toni! This is perfect.
119
00:07:36,520 --> 00:07:41,160
I'll just say "Hey, me Mark and
Valerie are off down the Lazerbowl,
120
00:07:41,160 --> 00:07:45,920
do you want a piece of the action?"
She'll be "Hell, yeah, why not?"
121
00:07:46,000 --> 00:07:48,000
You think so?
122
00:07:50,960 --> 00:07:55,840
He was all "D'you want a piece of
the action?" I was all "Hell, yeah!"
123
00:07:56,040 --> 00:07:59,520
I mean this is definitely not
the rehearsal.
124
00:07:59,720 --> 00:08:04,480
Why not go to the Lazerbowl with
the kid next door? I mean why the..?
125
00:08:04,560 --> 00:08:07,560
'I must take Jeremy's advice
more often.'
126
00:08:07,560 --> 00:08:12,600
'I'm on a date with a teenage goth
smoking pot in the Lazerbowl toilet.'
127
00:08:12,720 --> 00:08:15,800
'This is it, this is literally it.'
128
00:08:15,880 --> 00:08:20,800
'This is the sort of thing people do
when they're having a good time.'
129
00:08:20,880 --> 00:08:24,960
Er... Er, I don't know if...
130
00:08:22,920 --> 00:08:24,960
It's good stuff, Mark.
131
00:08:25,000 --> 00:08:28,280
I strongly advise you to toke it.
132
00:08:33,200 --> 00:08:35,720
Do you want me to give you blowback?
133
00:08:35,920 --> 00:08:40,080
What? Here?
134
00:08:37,560 --> 00:08:40,080
'Oh, God, it's the last days of Rome'
135
00:08:40,160 --> 00:08:44,840
Just open your mouth and breathe in
when I click my fingers, yeah?
136
00:08:48,720 --> 00:08:50,480
Wow!
137
00:08:50,680 --> 00:08:54,680
'I've been initiated,
I am a drug user. Fuck the police!'
138
00:08:54,880 --> 00:09:00,320
This is it, mate,
we're having it. Super-nice!
139
00:08:57,640 --> 00:09:00,320
Jezz, the faces, the faces.
140
00:09:00,520 --> 00:09:05,280
I feel... strange.
141
00:09:02,400 --> 00:09:05,280
Do you? Follow the fingers, follow..
142
00:09:05,480 --> 00:09:12,760
Don't poke my eyes!
143
00:09:07,640 --> 00:09:12,760
Are you getting visuals?
144
00:09:08,960 --> 00:09:12,760
What if I lose it? I'm not going
to do a pooh, am I, Jezz?
145
00:09:12,960 --> 00:09:16,520
Of course not.
Everything's going brilliantly.
146
00:09:16,600 --> 00:09:18,720
We've got to work as a team.
147
00:09:18,720 --> 00:09:22,880
Let's work things up into
a bit of a lather. Follow my lead.
148
00:09:22,960 --> 00:09:27,560
'Jezz is so great, he's like an
idiot savant, but not so stupid.'
149
00:09:27,640 --> 00:09:32,320
'I bet he's sorting this whole night
in his head for us right now.'
150
00:09:32,640 --> 00:09:37,480
'I could say we've both got huge
cocks, might be the clincher.'
151
00:09:35,240 --> 00:09:37,480
This is great, isn't it?
152
00:09:37,680 --> 00:09:40,000
This is so it!
153
00:09:40,240 --> 00:09:43,520
I'm having a... just great time.
154
00:09:43,720 --> 00:09:45,720
Great!
155
00:09:46,440 --> 00:09:51,760
So, girls, what's the weirdest place
you've ever... done it?
156
00:09:52,840 --> 00:09:59,560
I had a steward eat me in the
multi-faith area at Dubai airport.
God, that was depressing.
157
00:09:57,520 --> 00:09:59,560
Yeah, right.
158
00:09:59,760 --> 00:10:04,080
Valerie, how about you?
159
00:10:01,760 --> 00:10:04,080
I believe... true love waits.
160
00:10:04,160 --> 00:10:06,800
Uh-huh, yeah. Me, too.
161
00:10:07,040 --> 00:10:09,760
Er, Jesus - I'm... I'm kidding.
162
00:10:09,960 --> 00:10:12,320
Yeah, right, obviously, no.
163
00:10:12,640 --> 00:10:14,640
Me, too.
164
00:10:15,480 --> 00:10:18,680
OK, so what's everyone's
favourite record?
165
00:10:19,840 --> 00:10:22,280
Jesus! What was all that about?
166
00:10:22,480 --> 00:10:25,600
I guess she really likes
Sledgehammer.
167
00:10:25,680 --> 00:10:28,040
I mean that is a shit song, right?
168
00:10:28,120 --> 00:10:32,640
< Yeah.
169
00:10:28,800 --> 00:10:32,640
'Forgive me, Peter.'
170
00:10:30,280 --> 00:10:32,640
I mean it's so outdated.
171
00:10:32,720 --> 00:10:37,000
Exactly, and suddenly I'm up
in front of the middle-age court
172
00:10:37,000 --> 00:10:41,640
for crimes
against being an old fucker.
173
00:10:39,240 --> 00:10:41,640
Right, I mean what's her problem?
174
00:10:41,720 --> 00:10:46,520
I've never heard of Level 42 either.
175
00:10:44,280 --> 00:10:46,520
'Guys, I'm so sorry.'
176
00:10:48,640 --> 00:10:52,800
Hey, gutter boy, you are allowed
to hit the pins, you know?
177
00:10:53,000 --> 00:10:57,400
You are?
178
00:10:53,880 --> 00:10:57,400
Yeah, in some bowling alleys
it's even encouraged.
179
00:10:57,480 --> 00:11:02,720
I didn't want to disturb them.
180
00:10:58,560 --> 00:11:02,720
You're very kind,
quite the gentleman. Hey, spread em!
181
00:11:09,760 --> 00:11:12,200
'Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh my God!'
182
00:11:12,280 --> 00:11:15,880
Hi, Mark.
183
00:11:13,800 --> 00:11:15,880
Hi. Sophie.
184
00:11:16,000 --> 00:11:18,160
Er, this is Valerie.
185
00:11:18,320 --> 00:11:19,760
Hi.
186
00:11:19,960 --> 00:11:22,560
How's it going?
187
00:11:20,920 --> 00:11:22,560
Good, thanks. And you two?
188
00:11:22,640 --> 00:11:24,680
Oh, yeah, yeah, fine.
189
00:11:24,720 --> 00:11:26,960
Er, I-I... Valerie and I, er...
190
00:11:27,160 --> 00:11:30,880
Er, I mean w-we just met at a party
191
00:11:31,000 --> 00:11:35,000
and we thought, you know,
we'd come here for a few bowls.
192
00:11:35,080 --> 00:11:37,240
And I'm high, obviously.
193
00:11:37,320 --> 00:11:40,480
How about you?
194
00:11:38,400 --> 00:11:40,480
All right, I've been with Geoff.
195
00:11:40,680 --> 00:11:43,320
Geoff?!
196
00:11:41,280 --> 00:11:43,320
All right, Mark?
197
00:11:44,520 --> 00:11:49,120
'Why isn't this in the bag, she's
come to the Lazerbowl with me.'
198
00:11:49,120 --> 00:11:51,280
'She looks like she hates me.'
199
00:11:51,480 --> 00:11:56,760
What? It's eat as much as you can,
you know.
200
00:11:54,520 --> 00:11:56,760
No, it's eat as much as you like.
201
00:11:56,840 --> 00:12:00,000
There is no competitive element
implied.
202
00:12:00,040 --> 00:12:02,240
At 3.99, I know who's winning.
203
00:12:02,440 --> 00:12:05,120
How can she criticise Peter Gabriel?
204
00:12:05,120 --> 00:12:09,600
With her little screw-me haircut,
and all so...nya-nya-nay...
205
00:12:09,680 --> 00:12:12,680
You know he single-handedly
created WOMAD?
206
00:12:12,760 --> 00:12:17,280
'Oh, God.
Stop talking about Peter Gabriel!'
207
00:12:15,320 --> 00:12:17,280
Uh-huh.
208
00:12:17,480 --> 00:12:22,160
I can't believe it, I'm on a double
date with guys from The Office.
209
00:12:22,240 --> 00:12:26,840
It's like being on Friends.
210
00:12:24,280 --> 00:12:26,840
Yeah, this is great.
211
00:12:26,920 --> 00:12:30,800
So, erm, do you guys get pissed
at the Christmas party, >
212
00:12:30,880 --> 00:12:34,880
and photocopy your arses? >
213
00:12:32,760 --> 00:12:34,880
Yeah, Geoff did do that.
214
00:12:35,080 --> 00:12:40,760
Yeah, but that was before
everyone else started doing it.
215
00:12:36,960 --> 00:12:40,760
No, that's true,
you were a trendsetter in that area.
216
00:12:41,000 --> 00:12:44,000
So Valerie, you still at school,
or what?
217
00:12:44,200 --> 00:12:48,240
She's at college, actually.
218
00:12:46,240 --> 00:12:48,240
Sixth-form college.
219
00:12:48,320 --> 00:12:52,040
That's still college.
220
00:12:49,360 --> 00:12:52,040
So what's your favourite subject?
221
00:12:52,120 --> 00:12:58,080
Valerie doesn't want to talk
about subjects. She's bowling.
222
00:12:55,640 --> 00:12:58,080
Who do you think is best in S Club?
223
00:12:58,840 --> 00:13:05,000
Oh, I'm not really into them but er,
I hear they have a big gay following
224
00:13:07,920 --> 00:13:11,480
'For the worst thing
that could possibly happen,
225
00:13:11,560 --> 00:13:14,600
this is actually going
extremely well.'
226
00:13:24,080 --> 00:13:28,840
'Maybe I can just get into Peter
Gabriel and go mental and marry her
227
00:13:28,920 --> 00:13:34,800
and cut off from society
and have lots of sex and
agree with her about everything.'
228
00:13:36,120 --> 00:13:40,720
'I'm bursting! This is why
you should stick to the little cans.'
229
00:13:40,800 --> 00:13:42,880
'Ah, the simple pleasures.'
230
00:13:42,960 --> 00:13:47,680
'Oh.'
231
00:13:44,240 --> 00:13:47,680
Having a good night?
232
00:13:45,600 --> 00:13:47,680
Er, yeah, yeah.
233
00:13:47,760 --> 00:13:52,360
Nice bowling. You seem to have
narrowed it down to one lane anyway!
234
00:13:52,560 --> 00:13:55,160
Yeah, well, it's just a bit of fun.
235
00:13:55,240 --> 00:13:59,920
'Oh, God, go! I'm never going to be
able to go now. Why can't I go?'
236
00:14:00,000 --> 00:14:02,160
Yeah, just a bit of fun.
237
00:14:02,240 --> 00:14:07,520
Nice after a lovely Italian
and a couple of bottles of wine.
238
00:14:05,400 --> 00:14:07,520
'Fuck! Italian, wine...'
239
00:14:07,600 --> 00:14:12,360
Sophie seemed to be liking it,
anyway. She was loving it, actually.
240
00:14:09,000 --> 00:14:12,360
< 'Why didn't I ask her.'
241
00:14:12,440 --> 00:14:14,440
'It's all... Shit.'
242
00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:16,520
'Waterfalls...'
243
00:14:16,600 --> 00:14:21,160
'Nothing. Pretend you've finished.'
244
00:14:19,000 --> 00:14:21,160
Ahh!
245
00:14:22,200 --> 00:14:25,920
Mark, can you break a tenner
for the johnny machine?
246
00:14:26,400 --> 00:14:31,800
What? You...
247
00:14:27,920 --> 00:14:31,800
Actually, I think I'm all right.
248
00:14:31,840 --> 00:14:34,240
Maybe a couple of packs of normal.
249
00:14:34,240 --> 00:14:37,240
Knobblies are a bit of a con,
aren't they?
250
00:14:37,240 --> 00:14:39,560
Maybe some fruities for a laugh.
251
00:14:39,560 --> 00:14:44,000
'She hates fruit, only pears.
If there's pear flavour I'm fucked.'
252
00:14:44,200 --> 00:14:48,680
I can't stop hanging on for you cos
I never started hanging on for you!
253
00:14:48,760 --> 00:14:51,360
Well, here's the headlines, buddy:
254
00:14:51,400 --> 00:14:55,560
I can do who I want, when I want,
where I want. And I will, OK?
255
00:14:58,080 --> 00:15:00,240
This is not the rehearsal.
256
00:15:00,440 --> 00:15:05,480
'Come on, clock's ticking!
Gotta raise my game. Think witty.'
257
00:15:05,760 --> 00:15:08,440
'Charming and witty... and sexy.'
258
00:15:08,520 --> 00:15:14,720
Sorry about that, listen...
259
00:15:10,320 --> 00:15:14,720
So, fourth pressing, fifth pressing,
what's that all about?
260
00:15:14,720 --> 00:15:19,840
Why wait till everyone's had
their fun with the olives?
261
00:15:17,320 --> 00:15:19,840
That is so true.
262
00:15:28,880 --> 00:15:32,240
Listen, let's talk more
back at my place, yeah?
263
00:15:32,280 --> 00:15:35,640
'Oh, my God, I knew it.
Olive oil talk - wicked.'
264
00:15:36,320 --> 00:15:39,720
So, this is nice.
Kind of weird, but...
265
00:15:39,920 --> 00:15:41,960
Nice, yeah. Heh.
266
00:15:42,040 --> 00:15:47,400
Great. So I was just wondering
how you ended coming out with Geoff?
267
00:15:48,200 --> 00:15:52,640
Oh, right. Erm, well,
I suppose... Well, he asked me.
268
00:15:52,720 --> 00:15:54,880
He asked you. Of course.
269
00:15:54,960 --> 00:16:01,200
Is that all it takes?
270
00:15:56,600 --> 00:16:01,200
It certainly helps.
271
00:15:58,400 --> 00:16:01,200
I mean I did actually ask you myself.
272
00:16:01,600 --> 00:16:03,680
Yes, well, I was already...
273
00:16:03,680 --> 00:16:07,640
I-I didn't say anything
because, well, you know...
274
00:16:07,880 --> 00:16:16,160
So. Valerie seems nice.
275
00:16:09,880 --> 00:16:16,160
Oh, Valerie, she's nothing.
276
00:16:11,280 --> 00:16:16,160
Oh, right.
277
00:16:12,360 --> 00:16:16,160
I mean it's just a little night out.
278
00:16:16,240 --> 00:16:20,560
I'm a friend of her brother's.
He's a total wanker, actually.
279
00:16:20,640 --> 00:16:24,000
So have you had a good time
on your... date?
280
00:16:24,000 --> 00:16:29,080
Yes, I mean, you know
what you're getting with Pizza Hut.
281
00:16:26,920 --> 00:16:29,080
'Ha! Idiot! I win!'
282
00:16:29,160 --> 00:16:31,160
Cool.
283
00:16:31,200 --> 00:16:36,200
So, old seat sniffer, he didn't sniff
any of the seats or anything, did he?
284
00:16:36,400 --> 00:16:40,000
That's a joke, a rumour
that's not appropriate to...
285
00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:45,440
Geoff's a nice guy.
286
00:16:41,280 --> 00:16:45,440
A nice guy who should...
287
00:16:42,720 --> 00:16:45,440
Look, I'm having a nice time, OK?
288
00:16:45,520 --> 00:16:51,160
You're having a good time.
289
00:16:47,240 --> 00:16:51,160
Yeah, I am.
290
00:16:47,920 --> 00:16:51,160
Good, obviously I'm having
a great time too.
291
00:16:51,360 --> 00:16:56,520
That makes two of us. Like I said,
I'm having a great time.
292
00:16:53,800 --> 00:16:56,520
'She won't do it, they won't do it.'
293
00:16:59,240 --> 00:17:04,000
'Wow. Fuck you, Lord of Death,
I'm still full of piss and vinegar.'
294
00:17:04,040 --> 00:17:07,320
'Mm, doing it
with the sexy neighbour. Ouch!'
295
00:17:07,400 --> 00:17:11,480
'Why is she sucking it?
Maybe she's practising for my...'
296
00:17:11,560 --> 00:17:15,440
'Are you allowed to say it hurts?
297
00:17:13,360 --> 00:17:15,440
Oh, shit!
298
00:17:15,640 --> 00:17:20,360
I divided them into three piles -
yours, mine and don't knows.
299
00:17:20,440 --> 00:17:24,360
Yeah, whatever.
300
00:17:22,160 --> 00:17:24,360
'Maybe this is good?'
301
00:17:24,440 --> 00:17:27,200
'Maybe this kind of turns me on?'
302
00:17:27,280 --> 00:17:30,120
I'm having the Bhundu Boys album.
303
00:17:30,200 --> 00:17:36,000
Bollocks, you are!
304
00:17:31,840 --> 00:17:36,000
You'd never have heard of them
if it wasn't for me.
305
00:17:33,680 --> 00:17:36,000
That is such shit!
306
00:17:36,080 --> 00:17:38,840
Maybe I'll, er...
307
00:17:36,760 --> 00:17:38,840
You're not going anywhere.
308
00:17:39,840 --> 00:17:41,520
Ooh!
309
00:17:45,560 --> 00:17:49,880
You'll have to do something special
to catch me up now, mate.
310
00:17:49,960 --> 00:17:54,680
'Don't let him know he's got to you.
Play it cool, play it suave.'
311
00:17:55,240 --> 00:17:57,760
Oh, I think I can manage that, mate.
312
00:18:05,000 --> 00:18:07,120
Watch me bowl, Geoff.
313
00:18:09,400 --> 00:18:12,720
I'm bowling, all right!
I'm bowling fruit!
314
00:18:17,000 --> 00:18:20,080
I'm on another level!
I've gone beyond!
315
00:18:29,200 --> 00:18:31,280
Fancy a refill?
316
00:18:31,360 --> 00:18:32,920
Er...
317
00:18:34,920 --> 00:18:36,320
OK.
318
00:18:36,400 --> 00:18:40,040
'This is some sort of test,
like the Great Escape.'
319
00:18:40,280 --> 00:18:44,000
'Don't answer in English,
just gotta brave it out.'
320
00:18:44,080 --> 00:18:46,080
Jeremy's a musician.
321
00:18:46,680 --> 00:18:50,360
Uh-huh.
322
00:18:48,080 --> 00:18:50,360
Yeah, I, er, play the keyboard.
323
00:18:50,440 --> 00:18:56,400
You always fancied
one of those keyboards you hold
like a guitar, didn't you, Tony?
324
00:18:56,400 --> 00:19:02,320
I used to like a lot of things.
325
00:18:58,000 --> 00:19:02,320
'They're gonna use me for a sex game
then burn me in the bath.'
326
00:19:02,400 --> 00:19:09,760
Isn't this great,
that the three of us can sit and
have a drink together, like adults?
327
00:19:07,440 --> 00:19:09,760
Yeah, we're great, aren't we?
328
00:19:09,920 --> 00:19:12,320
In fact, why don't we have a toast?
329
00:19:13,200 --> 00:19:15,200
To us?
330
00:19:15,280 --> 00:19:19,280
GLASSES CLINK
331
00:19:16,080 --> 00:19:19,280
To us.
332
00:19:17,280 --> 00:19:19,280
To us.
333
00:19:19,480 --> 00:19:24,200
'Come on, someone get the carving
knife and let's get it over with.'
334
00:19:24,400 --> 00:19:29,000
D'you think I like this job? D'you
think it makes it any easier for me,
335
00:19:29,000 --> 00:19:36,360
spending the rest of the night
trying to prise shopping
out of our antiquated system?
336
00:19:34,280 --> 00:19:36,360
I'm sorry. I'm really sorry.
337
00:19:36,440 --> 00:19:38,600
I thought they would just...
338
00:19:38,800 --> 00:19:44,960
I've got your number mate,
I've got you by the shoes.
339
00:19:42,480 --> 00:19:44,960
He doesn't care about the shoes!
340
00:19:45,600 --> 00:19:47,600
Fuck your shoes.
341
00:19:47,680 --> 00:19:52,160
He said he's sorry,
give him back the shoes.
342
00:19:49,680 --> 00:19:52,160
What do you know about my shoes?
343
00:19:52,240 --> 00:19:58,760
We're heading off, but I can vouch
for him, just put it all on my card.
344
00:19:56,760 --> 00:19:58,760
Look, don't go.
345
00:19:58,960 --> 00:20:03,640
Sophie, you should stay and bowl,
bowl the night away with us.
346
00:20:03,720 --> 00:20:05,840
Er, I don't know. I think...
347
00:20:05,840 --> 00:20:09,280
Once they get the stuff out,
we can have a tournament.
348
00:20:09,360 --> 00:20:13,520
I don't wanna be a killjoy but
the plastic can't take the strain.
349
00:20:13,600 --> 00:20:18,760
Mark, they're going home to bone,
yeah? Don't screw things up.
350
00:20:18,960 --> 00:20:20,400
But...
351
00:20:20,600 --> 00:20:27,040
You have a good night now.
352
00:20:22,080 --> 00:20:27,040
Bye.
353
00:20:23,520 --> 00:20:27,040
'If you don't think about it
it won't happen.'
354
00:20:28,520 --> 00:20:31,560
'Straight to Frenching.
This is so easy.'
355
00:20:31,640 --> 00:20:35,640
'I bet Sophie and Geoff are doing
a lot of talking right now.'
356
00:20:35,640 --> 00:20:40,720
'She can really talk, probably boring
him about the Celestine prophecies.'
357
00:20:40,720 --> 00:20:45,800
'Maybe Geoff's bought loads of booze,
Sophie could be too pissed to mind.'
358
00:20:45,800 --> 00:20:49,360
'Ow! She's squeezing my...
Don't complain.'
359
00:20:49,560 --> 00:20:54,600
'Is she going for...? I'm not ready,
there's no action down there.'
360
00:20:54,840 --> 00:20:57,440
Jeremy? Are you not... ?
361
00:20:57,520 --> 00:21:01,920
Look, are you sure this is OK?
You know, isn't Tony going to mind?
362
00:21:02,000 --> 00:21:07,000
Tony lost his licence to mind
when he went off with
A SCRUBBER CALLED LINDSEY!
363
00:21:08,600 --> 00:21:11,640
'She hasn't said anything
about my nuts,
364
00:21:11,640 --> 00:21:15,280
she's probably too young to know
how weird they are.'
365
00:21:15,480 --> 00:21:18,160
'I'm having sex with a teenage girl!'
366
00:21:18,240 --> 00:21:22,920
'Sophie wouldn't, not with the seat
sniffer, we've got a connection.'
367
00:21:23,680 --> 00:21:27,680
'This is not wrong.
Just try and memorise it for later.'
368
00:21:28,880 --> 00:21:32,360
'Hm, this could be... nice.
Nice lovely neck rub.'
369
00:21:32,560 --> 00:21:35,920
'She's strangling me,
she's trying to kill me!'
370
00:21:36,000 --> 00:21:39,000
I can't... I can't...
371
00:21:42,760 --> 00:21:47,560
Jesus, Valerie! What? Why didn't
you say if you didn't like it?
372
00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:52,600
My ex used to love that.
373
00:21:49,160 --> 00:21:52,600
Well, yeah, thanks. Thank you.
374
00:21:52,840 --> 00:21:56,400
It was just the not breathing,
you know.
375
00:21:57,680 --> 00:22:00,320
Oh, my God. Oh, my God, oh, my God.
376
00:22:00,400 --> 00:22:04,760
You can be AS LOUD as you like!
377
00:22:04,840 --> 00:22:09,000
Oh, God!
378
00:22:06,000 --> 00:22:09,000
OH, GOD, THIS IS GREAT!
379
00:22:09,160 --> 00:22:12,480
I'M HAVING GREAT SEX!
380
00:22:14,000 --> 00:22:17,960
Yeah, yeah.
381
00:22:15,840 --> 00:22:17,960
Couldn't we close the door?
382
00:22:18,160 --> 00:22:23,760
The idea of getting caught
turns me on.
383
00:22:21,240 --> 00:22:23,760
But we've already been caught.
384
00:22:23,960 --> 00:22:30,160
What about the cappuccino machine? >
385
00:22:26,440 --> 00:22:30,160
YOU'RE NEVER TAKING THE GAGGIA?!
386
00:22:30,360 --> 00:22:34,920
Thanks for letting me stay. It's
just, my sister's in my room and...
387
00:22:35,000 --> 00:22:37,120
No problem, I'll be fine on the sofa.
388
00:22:37,200 --> 00:22:41,680
Have you got everything you need?
Should I leave the hall light on?
389
00:22:41,880 --> 00:22:45,840
Mark...
390
00:22:43,360 --> 00:22:45,840
No, right, sure, of course.
391
00:22:46,040 --> 00:22:49,840
'God, she does look great
in my pyjamas. That's sick.'
392
00:22:49,920 --> 00:22:53,600
'Why is that sick?'
393
00:22:51,600 --> 00:22:53,600
Valerie, I was thinking,
394
00:22:53,600 --> 00:22:56,200
the sofa is a bit...
395
00:22:54,200 --> 00:22:56,200
Oh, my God, Jeremy, >
396
00:22:56,280 --> 00:22:59,160
this is the best... sex... ever! >
397
00:23:01,120 --> 00:23:06,680
Yes, so I was... The sofa is a bit...
398
00:23:03,360 --> 00:23:06,680
YOU ARE THE DADDY! >
399
00:23:39,160 --> 00:23:41,760
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31899
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