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1
00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:27,800
'I wonder
what kind of socks Sophie wears.
2
00:00:27,840 --> 00:00:32,080
'Do women wear socks? Yes,
sometimes, is the answer to that.
3
00:00:32,120 --> 00:00:37,960
'Socks before or after trousers,
but never before pants.
That's the rule.
4
00:00:38,000 --> 00:00:40,800
'Makes a man look scary,
like a chicken.
5
00:00:43,160 --> 00:00:46,480
'He just does not give
one solitary shit.'
6
00:00:46,520 --> 00:00:51,520
'Yeah, take that, Big Suze,
your toilet-seat regime is over.
7
00:00:51,560 --> 00:00:54,120
'Ahh, freedom!'
8
00:00:54,600 --> 00:00:58,200
'Brown for first course,
white for pudding.
9
00:00:58,240 --> 00:01:01,440
'Brown is savoury,
white is the treat.
10
00:01:01,480 --> 00:01:04,920
'Of course, I'm laughing,
because I love brown toast!
11
00:01:04,960 --> 00:01:06,960
'There he is.'
12
00:01:07,000 --> 00:01:09,840
Dr J! Morning, Mark.
13
00:01:09,880 --> 00:01:13,560
Sorry I didn't hook up with you
and Super Hans last night.
14
00:01:13,600 --> 00:01:16,360
'A wedge of ballast,
then back to bed.'
15
00:01:16,400 --> 00:01:18,320
..the Birkbeck file...
16
00:01:18,360 --> 00:01:22,280
'It's a bit like the crusher
in Star Wars, but red hot.
17
00:01:22,320 --> 00:01:28,560
'What if Mum and Dad
were trapped in one
and I could rescue one of them?
18
00:01:28,600 --> 00:01:30,600
'Who would I pick?'
19
00:01:30,640 --> 00:01:32,920
I didn't tell you the good news.
20
00:01:32,960 --> 00:01:37,560
There's a vacancy for a clerk.
I've swung you an interview. Uh-huh?
21
00:01:37,600 --> 00:01:41,400
'Clerk? I don't want to be a clerk.
I'm a musician!
22
00:01:41,440 --> 00:01:45,120
'You wouldn't ask the Chemical
Brothers to do the laundry!'
23
00:01:45,160 --> 00:01:48,040
So, is tomorrow at 11.00 all right?
24
00:01:49,080 --> 00:01:52,200
Tomorrow at 11.00, sure.
I'll set the video.
25
00:01:52,240 --> 00:01:54,320
Don't joke. I'm not!
26
00:01:54,360 --> 00:01:58,360
It's a damn good company
and it'll be the two of us,
27
00:01:58,400 --> 00:02:00,880
Jez and Mez, the El Dude brothers!
28
00:02:00,920 --> 00:02:04,560
It's just...the music
is starting to hot up.
29
00:02:04,600 --> 00:02:07,520
I respect your music, but it's....
30
00:02:07,560 --> 00:02:10,960
Super Hans said he's come up
with a bass loop
31
00:02:11,000 --> 00:02:14,640
so good that when he tried
turning it off, he couldn't.
32
00:02:14,680 --> 00:02:16,720
He physically couldn't do it.
33
00:02:16,760 --> 00:02:22,600
I'm on your side.
Every artist needs his patron,
but there's a limit.
34
00:02:22,640 --> 00:02:24,840
Oh, the rent
35
00:02:24,880 --> 00:02:29,000
I'm not some land baron
trying to milk his cash cow,
36
00:02:29,040 --> 00:02:32,280
it's just... Don't worry,
you'll get your milk!
37
00:02:32,320 --> 00:02:37,120
This track is a banker. Everybody
needs their "Something Stupid".
38
00:02:37,160 --> 00:02:39,600
Sorry? The guy who wrote that
39
00:02:39,640 --> 00:02:45,440
is probably up to his neck in
penny loafers and blue pool tables.
40
00:02:45,480 --> 00:02:49,080
Right? Blimey, what's God up to?
41
00:02:49,120 --> 00:02:53,560
Listen, Jeremy, just in case
the song doesn't work out,
42
00:02:53,600 --> 00:02:58,280
maybe you'd better fill this out
and fax it over by three.
43
00:02:58,320 --> 00:03:02,080
Mmm. Think about it.
And have a great day, yeah?
44
00:03:02,120 --> 00:03:06,640
See you tonight. Yeah, cool,
have a good one. You, too, mate!
45
00:03:06,680 --> 00:03:09,440
Bye, mate.
'Workshy freeloader!'
46
00:03:09,480 --> 00:03:12,320
'Tight-fisted cock-muncher!
47
00:03:12,360 --> 00:03:15,800
'Next breakfast, he'll
make me sit a fucking exam!'
48
00:03:18,800 --> 00:03:22,360
'I wonder what Sophie's flirty
cartoon will be today.
49
00:03:22,400 --> 00:03:24,560
'I should ask her out for lunch.'
50
00:03:24,600 --> 00:03:26,640
Can you hold that?
51
00:03:26,680 --> 00:03:28,680
DOORS START TO CLOSE
52
00:03:28,720 --> 00:03:30,720
'You bastard!'
53
00:03:30,760 --> 00:03:33,880
Thanks. Third floor?
54
00:03:37,640 --> 00:03:41,080
'What's the worst that could
happen? She could say no.'
55
00:03:41,120 --> 00:03:45,200
'Actually, it'd destroy me
if she said no.'
56
00:03:45,240 --> 00:03:50,200
There is a notice, you know, about
riding the lift to the first floor.
57
00:03:50,240 --> 00:03:54,040
You're wasting mine
and other people's time...
58
00:03:54,080 --> 00:03:56,760
Oh...ah, OK.
59
00:03:56,800 --> 00:03:59,280
'People like him should wear
stickers.
60
00:03:59,320 --> 00:04:03,320
'They have them on their cars.
Yeah, great idea, Adolf'
61
00:04:03,360 --> 00:04:05,520
Morning, Mark. Hey, Sophie!
62
00:04:05,560 --> 00:04:07,560
'Go on, ask her!'
63
00:04:07,600 --> 00:04:11,760
Sophie, are you...? Would you...?
How's your day going thus far?
64
00:04:11,800 --> 00:04:15,200
Have a nice shower or bath?
Why? Do I smell?
65
00:04:15,240 --> 00:04:20,360
God, no, you don't smell!
I mean, you smell nice...
not that I've smelt you.
66
00:04:20,400 --> 00:04:23,800
See you.
Later, potat-er!
67
00:04:23,840 --> 00:04:26,360
'Potat-erWhat have I become?'
68
00:04:28,520 --> 00:04:32,560
'Super Hans said he'd be 20 minutes.
Means I've got an hour.
69
00:04:32,600 --> 00:04:35,760
'I bet Mark's got some porn here
somewhere.'
70
00:04:35,800 --> 00:04:38,600
'OK, where's today's cartoon?
71
00:04:38,640 --> 00:04:43,640
'Mmm, not bad. No discernible
romantic overtones.
72
00:04:43,680 --> 00:04:47,120
'OK, pen, let's flirt with Sophie.'
73
00:04:47,160 --> 00:04:51,160
'Mark's got no conception.
He thinks I'm so...
74
00:04:51,200 --> 00:04:54,480
'But really I'm busting
my creative balls here.
75
00:04:54,520 --> 00:04:57,960
'It's all, "Where's the money?
Where's my rent?"
76
00:04:58,000 --> 00:05:01,400
'I mean, "Where's the rent,
Mr Jim Morrison? Mr Keats?
77
00:05:01,440 --> 00:05:05,160
'"No, you don't like the attack dog,
do you, Mr Keats?"
78
00:05:05,200 --> 00:05:08,600
'Hold on, I think I've struck
the mother lode!'
79
00:05:09,840 --> 00:05:14,400
'What the hell is that?! That is
very gay, that's what that is!
80
00:05:14,440 --> 00:05:19,520
'Come on, go crazy!
You are hungry like the wolf.'
81
00:05:19,560 --> 00:05:22,880
'"Fantasy Figure Modeller"
82
00:05:22,920 --> 00:05:26,000
'Jesus! Maybe this is his porn.'
83
00:05:26,040 --> 00:05:28,640
'I'm giving her a love-heart.
84
00:05:28,680 --> 00:05:30,880
'Yes, that's...good?
85
00:05:30,920 --> 00:05:33,720
'No, it's not good. It's terrible!
86
00:05:33,760 --> 00:05:38,360
'Think "Crazy horse", think "In
your face"! What would Jeremy do?
87
00:05:38,400 --> 00:05:40,840
'Heh-heh, yeah, that's it!
88
00:05:40,880 --> 00:05:43,840
'Love is for Nazis!
Yeah, crazy love!
89
00:05:43,880 --> 00:05:46,560
'Nazi love! I'm a nutter.'
90
00:05:46,600 --> 00:05:50,920
'I'm a dirty hobbit
and she's a sexy elf.
91
00:05:50,960 --> 00:05:57,840
'She might be, "Oh, you dirty
hobbit, take off my bodkin
and my jerkin."
92
00:05:57,880 --> 00:06:01,120
'Oh, yeah...pixie ears!
93
00:06:01,160 --> 00:06:05,000
'But that sword...
What if she was a hobbit slayer?
94
00:06:05,040 --> 00:06:08,440
'I'd just use my enchanted amulet.
95
00:06:08,480 --> 00:06:12,000
'Yeah, yield to me, hobbit slayer!
96
00:06:12,040 --> 00:06:15,520
'You will touch my magic cock!'
97
00:06:15,560 --> 00:06:20,200
by doing something wicked
98
00:06:22,880 --> 00:06:25,520
'Swastika Love!
99
00:06:25,560 --> 00:06:27,880
'It's bloody mental!'
100
00:06:31,080 --> 00:06:33,080
ELECTRONIC BASS RIFF
101
00:06:33,120 --> 00:06:35,080
So? I dunno.
102
00:06:35,120 --> 00:06:39,120
Yeah, it's just...in your face!
It's just...
103
00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:42,760
I don't like it.
104
00:06:43,760 --> 00:06:46,080
Well, I do! I just don't.
105
00:06:46,120 --> 00:06:48,800
Right, well, this is it, is it?
What?
106
00:06:48,840 --> 00:06:52,000
The end of the Hair Blair Bunch.
We are NOT that!
107
00:06:52,040 --> 00:06:55,600
Whatever. The end of Spunk Bubble.
Mama's Kumquat.
108
00:06:55,640 --> 00:06:59,520
It's not that, Jez! I never agreed
to it being Mama's Kumquat!
109
00:06:59,560 --> 00:07:05,200
Look, if this is it,
if it's John and Paul, 1970,
I need money for the equipment.
110
00:07:05,240 --> 00:07:09,040
This is like
your whole Balearic bullshit.
111
00:07:09,080 --> 00:07:13,800
One minute it's, "I love you, man!"
Next it's, "Where's my 50 quid?!"
112
00:07:13,840 --> 00:07:16,160
I just need money and...
Listen...
113
00:07:16,200 --> 00:07:19,600
shit is as shit does, my friend.
114
00:07:22,280 --> 00:07:25,280
Look, I'm sorry, Jez,
but this is all bullshit!
115
00:07:25,320 --> 00:07:29,040
We can't let the Hair...
We are NOT the Hair Blair Bunch!
116
00:07:29,080 --> 00:07:34,440
'A bloody swastika! That is
the bloody worst single idea ever!
117
00:07:34,480 --> 00:07:38,040
'A swastika!
It's gone! It's happened!
118
00:07:38,080 --> 00:07:40,800
'Oh, yeah,
do what Jeremy would do
119
00:07:40,840 --> 00:07:43,000
'Thanks, Jeremy, you tit'
120
00:07:46,440 --> 00:07:51,880
'Perfect plan. "I want to fax this
off", then, "Toni, I feel tired.
121
00:07:51,920 --> 00:07:54,240
'"Let's both lie down on your bed."
122
00:07:54,280 --> 00:07:57,400
'Hope she gets out the bong,
not the cafetiere!'
123
00:07:57,440 --> 00:08:03,800
You're an urban, switched-on lady.
You've probably got a fax machine
and stuff.
124
00:08:03,840 --> 00:08:07,280
Yeah, right,
like I'd have a fax machine
125
00:08:07,320 --> 00:08:13,080
Are you from the 1980s? It's like
"The Spaceman and King Arthur"
but in reverse!
126
00:08:14,560 --> 00:08:19,480
Yeah. No, I've just got this
crappy job application. Right.
127
00:08:19,520 --> 00:08:20,960
OK.
128
00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:28,440
Tell me something, Jeremy. Have you
ever tried to do the washing up
without washing-up liquid?
129
00:08:28,480 --> 00:08:31,400
What? Has Mark talked to you?
130
00:08:31,440 --> 00:08:33,720
Could you clean a pot or a pan
131
00:08:33,760 --> 00:08:38,480
without using a scrubbing brush,
a sponge or a scouring pad?
132
00:08:38,520 --> 00:08:41,320
I don't think so. So, you're saying
133
00:08:41,360 --> 00:08:45,720
these products are essential,
ones no-one could do without?
134
00:08:45,760 --> 00:08:49,400
Well...you're kind of making me
say that, but...
135
00:08:49,440 --> 00:08:55,160
Now, the first thing to say is that
this is not pyramid selling.
136
00:08:56,400 --> 00:08:58,720
Right, good.
137
00:08:59,720 --> 00:09:02,040
What's pyramid selling?
138
00:09:02,080 --> 00:09:06,640
'Enter the Pit of Sarlacc,
little crisps! She's ignoring me.
139
00:09:06,680 --> 00:09:11,400
'Of course she is! This morning
I sent her a bloody swastika!
140
00:09:11,440 --> 00:09:15,680
'Jesus! This is the worst thing
that has ever happened to anyone!
141
00:09:15,720 --> 00:09:18,640
'Relax. You're not Hitler
in his bunker.
142
00:09:18,680 --> 00:09:20,960
'He was really under the cosh.
143
00:09:21,000 --> 00:09:23,720
'Mind you,
at least he had a girlfriend!
144
00:09:23,760 --> 00:09:28,400
'Enough mooning. Let's strap on the
nosebag and eat some serious work.'
145
00:09:28,440 --> 00:09:31,080
Does that look like a pyramid
to you?
146
00:09:31,120 --> 00:09:34,160
Clearly, it's not a pyramid.
It's a pie.
147
00:09:34,200 --> 00:09:39,720
And it's like a big lovely club
with free money for everyone?
148
00:09:39,760 --> 00:09:43,800
It sounds great, but...
Free money for everyone? Hah!
149
00:09:43,840 --> 00:09:48,120
Look out the window, Jeremy.
That'll never happen!
150
00:09:48,160 --> 00:09:50,840
See, the early birds...
151
00:09:50,880 --> 00:09:55,520
are going to find their bird table
covered in money pie!
152
00:09:57,160 --> 00:09:58,320
Right.
153
00:09:58,360 --> 00:10:02,400
But the Johnny and Sally
Come-Latelys get a slice of pie,
154
00:10:02,440 --> 00:10:07,120
but then they look closer and -
oh, dear - it's only pastry!
155
00:10:07,160 --> 00:10:11,560
Boo-hoo, Johnny and Sally!
Are you with me?
156
00:10:13,440 --> 00:10:17,480
'Blown it with Sophie. Who is next?
Big Suze?
157
00:10:17,520 --> 00:10:21,280
'Never met her.
Not necessarily a disadvantage.
158
00:10:21,320 --> 00:10:25,040
'Why don't I get this
fucking thing fixed?!
159
00:10:25,080 --> 00:10:29,040
'Every night... Ah, always comes
out eventually. Fuck it.'
160
00:10:31,400 --> 00:10:33,720
Hey, Mark. Liked the cartoon.
161
00:10:33,760 --> 00:10:37,120
Oh, I'm so... You did?
162
00:10:37,160 --> 00:10:40,680
It's meant to be me and Barbara
from personnel, right?
163
00:10:40,720 --> 00:10:44,200
She's handing me this heart
of holiday pay,
164
00:10:44,240 --> 00:10:47,280
but in the heart, it's just...
165
00:10:47,320 --> 00:10:52,760
Race hate? Exactly! That's so
Barbara. She's such a racist!
166
00:10:54,120 --> 00:10:56,120
Right. Exactly.
167
00:10:56,160 --> 00:10:59,920
Sophie, I was wondering if I could
get your home number?
168
00:10:59,960 --> 00:11:04,480
Just for work. In case I need to
swap a shift. If you don't...
169
00:11:04,520 --> 00:11:07,120
No, I don't, if that's
what you want.
170
00:11:07,160 --> 00:11:09,680
'She's actually writing it!'
171
00:11:10,960 --> 00:11:13,360
There you go. See you later.
172
00:11:13,400 --> 00:11:16,640
Hang on, this isn't enough numbers.
173
00:11:17,520 --> 00:11:20,640
Oh, no, it is enough numbers.
174
00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:24,240
'Oh, God, I hope she doesn't mind
about my balls.'
175
00:11:24,280 --> 00:11:28,760
One step out of line, the slightest
hint of maverick behaviour,
176
00:11:28,800 --> 00:11:31,000
and you will be out! Exactly.
177
00:11:31,040 --> 00:11:34,840
If it was bad to do things by
the book, there wouldn't be one!
178
00:11:34,880 --> 00:11:40,440
'Have to keep an eye on him
if he gets it. JLB does not need
a maverick.'
179
00:11:40,480 --> 00:11:44,400
So, anyway, things went well
with... I bet he did it.
180
00:11:44,440 --> 00:11:46,720
What, just because he's black?
181
00:11:46,760 --> 00:11:51,760
No, I mean, not because...tsk!
He was at the garage at the start.
182
00:11:51,800 --> 00:11:57,040
I know what you meant. Anyway,
in the end, I got Sophie's number.
183
00:11:57,080 --> 00:12:00,160
He's the only one with a key
to the lockup!
184
00:12:00,200 --> 00:12:02,480
So, do you think I should call her?
185
00:12:02,520 --> 00:12:05,960
I probably should...
I don't know if I should!
186
00:12:06,000 --> 00:12:12,880
Maybe you should. OK, listen,
if God's doing mountains or sky
or water, I'll call.
187
00:12:12,920 --> 00:12:18,440
If he's doing trees or critters,
I won't. OK, let God decide. Ready?
188
00:12:20,080 --> 00:12:23,240
Yeah, sky! Right. Here goes.
189
00:12:27,400 --> 00:12:31,680
Your name's been presented
to us by employment agencies.
190
00:12:33,440 --> 00:12:38,560
Answerphone. Hah, you see?!
He did do it, but for a nice reason.
191
00:12:38,600 --> 00:12:40,880
Who is the racist now, Mark?!
192
00:12:40,920 --> 00:12:44,160
Sophie, if you heard that,
please ignore it.
193
00:12:44,200 --> 00:12:46,960
I am not a racist. Far from it.
194
00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:51,240
Er...anyway...er, er...it's good
to hear your voice.
195
00:12:51,280 --> 00:12:57,280
I know it's only a recording, but
you have got a bloody nice voice.
196
00:12:57,320 --> 00:13:02,040
And...er...God, I just called up
to say hi,
197
00:13:02,080 --> 00:13:09,240
and...
by saying something stupid like...
198
00:13:12,960 --> 00:13:15,000
I mean, not that.
199
00:13:15,040 --> 00:13:20,920
Anyway, I noticed that the paper
in the photocopier was running low,
200
00:13:20,960 --> 00:13:23,800
so...I know it's not really
your job, but...
201
00:13:23,840 --> 00:13:27,600
er...you know, so...
See you tomorrow.
202
00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:30,240
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck! Oh, fuck!
203
00:13:30,280 --> 00:13:34,280
Oh, my God! Jesus! I've really
fucked it! Have I fucked it?
204
00:13:34,320 --> 00:13:38,320
Maybe it was charming.
It was the behaviour of an oddball.
205
00:13:38,360 --> 00:13:41,000
No, not an oddball. A maverick.
206
00:13:41,040 --> 00:13:45,760
You may not play by the rules,
but, by Christ, you get results!
207
00:13:45,800 --> 00:13:48,760
Let's go and have a drink.
Forget about it.
208
00:13:57,960 --> 00:14:02,560
Have you forgotten about
the phone call yet? No. Right.
209
00:14:02,600 --> 00:14:08,200
Mark, how much washing up could
you do without washing-up liquid?
210
00:14:08,240 --> 00:14:10,400
I'm sorry? Exactly.
211
00:14:10,440 --> 00:14:14,080
What about our friends, neighbours,
colleagues? What?
212
00:14:14,120 --> 00:14:18,120
Everyone needs cleaning products.
That'll never change.
213
00:14:18,160 --> 00:14:22,240
Why are you talking like this?
That's an interesting question.
214
00:14:22,280 --> 00:14:25,960
Firstly,
this is not pyramid selling.
215
00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:29,320
You're doing pyramid selling?!
No, NOT pyramid.
216
00:14:29,360 --> 00:14:33,960
I can't believe you're into
pyramid selling! No, it's not.
217
00:14:34,000 --> 00:14:37,840
It's network marketing,
and it's a guaranteed...
218
00:14:37,880 --> 00:14:40,840
Mark, I've seen the charts!
Oh, charts
219
00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:44,800
There are charts!
Tell me about the charts
220
00:14:44,840 --> 00:14:48,000
Are you pissing on my bonfire?
I'm protecting you
221
00:14:48,040 --> 00:14:50,880
from pissing all over yourself!
222
00:14:50,920 --> 00:14:54,520
I'm not
about to piss all over myself.
223
00:14:54,560 --> 00:14:57,840
I'm...I'm pissing
into the big time!
224
00:14:57,880 --> 00:15:01,880
You are still coming
to the interview. Yeah, well...
225
00:15:01,920 --> 00:15:06,760
Jeremy, you don't understand.
Nothing you want will ever happen.
226
00:15:06,800 --> 00:15:12,040
That's the real world.
Your hair isn't red,
people don't walk on stilts.
227
00:15:12,080 --> 00:15:16,880
Maybe somewhere you can earn money
drinking margaritas through a straw,
228
00:15:16,920 --> 00:15:20,720
but in this world,
you've got to log on and grind out!
229
00:15:20,760 --> 00:15:25,760
Yeah, but if you get in early...
You'll soon owe me
three months' rent.
230
00:15:25,800 --> 00:15:29,720
You're coming to the interview. OK.
231
00:15:30,240 --> 00:15:34,960
'I'll come to the interview, but
I don't think I'll get the job!'
232
00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:36,440
Heh-heh!
233
00:15:36,480 --> 00:15:40,840
What? Er...nothing.
Just...something funny.
234
00:15:40,880 --> 00:15:42,880
Can you...?
235
00:15:53,800 --> 00:15:56,240
'Maybe she will think
it was charming.
236
00:15:56,280 --> 00:15:59,560
'Just keep clear of her
till you've worked out...
237
00:15:59,600 --> 00:16:06,880
'I could say Jeremy had a gun
and made me sing it, because
he's a crack-head and does that.
238
00:16:06,920 --> 00:16:11,080
'Yeah, that sounds great
Me living in a crack-house!
239
00:16:11,120 --> 00:16:14,840
'Shit! Shit-sugar-fudge-piss-
poo-pants-bollocks!
240
00:16:14,880 --> 00:16:17,400
'Yes! Blitzkrieg!
I'm in the Ardennes.
241
00:16:17,440 --> 00:16:19,960
'You can't touch me in the Ardennes.
242
00:16:20,000 --> 00:16:24,360
'Concealed in the cupboard.
Everything's OK in the cupboard.
243
00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:26,240
'I'm safe.'
244
00:16:27,440 --> 00:16:30,360
Mark?
You're in the stationery cupboard.
245
00:16:30,400 --> 00:16:32,520
That's right, Geoff.
246
00:16:32,560 --> 00:16:35,120
OK...right.
247
00:16:36,120 --> 00:16:39,640
Well...um...I hope
you're having a good time.
248
00:16:39,680 --> 00:16:42,480
Yeah, well... Hi, Mark.
249
00:16:43,560 --> 00:16:48,240
Hi, Sophie...I'm just
in the cupboard right now.
250
00:16:48,280 --> 00:16:52,520
About the message, we'll talk
later, yeah? Yeah, fine.
251
00:16:55,960 --> 00:16:58,400
ARGH!
252
00:17:01,000 --> 00:17:05,440
'OK, here we go. "Operation Come
Over Like an Unemployable Freak".'
253
00:17:05,480 --> 00:17:10,640
Jeremy Osbourne? Hi, I'm Barbara.
Do you want to walk this way?
254
00:17:10,680 --> 00:17:16,160
I might wobble a bit, because I'm
still a bit pissed from last night.
255
00:17:16,200 --> 00:17:21,760
I don't want to get your hopes up.
I'm really only here because...
256
00:17:21,800 --> 00:17:24,160
Obviously, you know Mark Corrigan.
257
00:17:24,200 --> 00:17:28,360
'Oh, shit!' Mark's one of
the lower managers you'd work for.
258
00:17:28,400 --> 00:17:33,360
'Careful. Don't want the job, don't
want to piss off the land baron!'
259
00:17:33,400 --> 00:17:35,520
'He looks like crap.'
260
00:17:35,560 --> 00:17:40,200
We want to make sure we've ticked
all the boxes, kept it above board.
261
00:17:42,240 --> 00:17:45,840
So, if I can underline the basic
requirements of the role.
262
00:17:45,880 --> 00:17:51,280
You'll basically be responsible for
maintaining the filing system.
263
00:17:51,320 --> 00:17:55,480
That probably doesn't sound
important, but the truth is...
264
00:17:55,520 --> 00:17:57,800
'Shit, what's she talking about?
265
00:17:57,840 --> 00:18:01,680
'Nod, look serious.
I'm Di and she's Bashir.'
266
00:18:01,720 --> 00:18:04,440
..which the whole company
communicates.
267
00:18:04,480 --> 00:18:07,680
'Great, he'll pay off
the Blockbusters fine.
268
00:18:07,720 --> 00:18:10,600
'Plus, I'll be able
to order him around.
269
00:18:10,640 --> 00:18:14,560
'Not horrible, just, "Jeremy,
could you file this for me?
270
00:18:14,600 --> 00:18:18,560
'"Jeremy, could you take that?"
"Jeremy, could you suck this?"
271
00:18:18,600 --> 00:18:21,400
'Jesus, where did that come from?!'
272
00:18:21,440 --> 00:18:25,080
..company can have.
Now, do you have any experience?
273
00:18:25,120 --> 00:18:28,040
I've done quite a lot, actually.
274
00:18:28,080 --> 00:18:33,280
Not formally, but alphabetimasizing
the videos, doing the spices.
275
00:18:33,320 --> 00:18:39,800
What I'd want is to build on that
experience in a professional zone.
Sphere. I meant sphere.
276
00:18:39,840 --> 00:18:41,840
'God, that sounded amazing!
277
00:18:41,880 --> 00:18:44,560
'Don't accidentally
get the bugger!'
278
00:18:44,600 --> 00:18:51,360
We're doing great. So, I see you
used to be a nurse.
279
00:18:51,400 --> 00:18:54,360
Wouldn't filing
be a bit of a step down?
280
00:18:54,400 --> 00:18:57,440
Yeah, I suppose it would actually.
281
00:18:57,480 --> 00:19:01,360
Although, I'm looking
for something more relaxing.
282
00:19:01,400 --> 00:19:03,640
Challenging. He means challenging.
283
00:19:03,680 --> 00:19:07,440
I expect Jeremy know what he means,
Mark. Right.
284
00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:12,800
No, challenging is right, but
a bit more of a relaxing challenge.
285
00:19:12,840 --> 00:19:16,840
More like doing a crossword
than a tracheotomy.
286
00:19:16,880 --> 00:19:18,280
Right.
287
00:19:18,320 --> 00:19:22,000
'Shit, my natural bloody charm
is swinging it!
288
00:19:22,040 --> 00:19:24,040
'Got to do something.'
289
00:19:25,280 --> 00:19:27,560
Are you OK? What?
290
00:19:27,600 --> 00:19:30,000
It's just a thing I have.
What thing?
291
00:19:30,040 --> 00:19:35,040
Facial spasming. Facial sp...
You do not have...
292
00:19:35,080 --> 00:19:39,720
I do, sometimes. Well,
I guess that is everything.
293
00:19:39,760 --> 00:19:43,080
Jeremy, is there anything
you'd like to ask?
294
00:19:43,120 --> 00:19:45,360
Yes, Barbara, yes, there is.
295
00:19:45,400 --> 00:19:50,680
How much washing up could you do
without any washing-up liquid?
296
00:19:50,720 --> 00:19:53,480
No, Jeremy. Where is this...?
297
00:19:53,520 --> 00:19:58,000
It's a unique business opportunity.
It's pyramid selling. I'm sorry!
298
00:19:58,040 --> 00:20:01,760
It's NOT, Mark... It is!
You're making a fool of yourself!
299
00:20:01,800 --> 00:20:07,560
You're pissing on my bonfire!
There IS no bonfire!
Because you piss on it!
300
00:20:07,600 --> 00:20:13,080
This is really low! Yeah? At least
I don't fancy elves and pixies.
301
00:20:13,120 --> 00:20:18,040
What does that mean?! I literally
have no idea what that means!
302
00:20:18,080 --> 00:20:22,760
OK...er...well,
thanks for coming in.
303
00:20:22,800 --> 00:20:25,640
We'll be in touch.
304
00:20:25,680 --> 00:20:31,560
'That was a fucking disaster!
I want compensation,
brutal reparations!
305
00:20:31,600 --> 00:20:36,080
'I want the Rhineland!
It'll be 1919 all over again!
306
00:20:36,120 --> 00:20:38,680
'Fuck the inevitable backlash!
307
00:20:38,720 --> 00:20:41,640
'OK. It's OK, Mark. Later.
308
00:20:41,680 --> 00:20:45,760
'Now, calm...calm, honest
and mature.'
309
00:20:45,800 --> 00:20:50,440
Hi, Sophie. Hey, Mark. I bumped
into your flatmate in reception.
310
00:20:50,480 --> 00:20:55,480
I liked him. Talking about washing
up. Very funny. Like Jim Carrey.
311
00:20:55,520 --> 00:20:58,200
Huh, yeah, I know what you mean.
312
00:20:58,240 --> 00:21:00,960
'Get your tanks
off my lawn, Jeremy!'
313
00:21:01,000 --> 00:21:05,240
Listen, Sophie, about the message
last night.
314
00:21:05,280 --> 00:21:08,200
I want to, kind of, come clean,
really.
315
00:21:08,240 --> 00:21:11,440
It's a bit embarrassing, but...
316
00:21:12,440 --> 00:21:16,240
..well...the thing is...
317
00:21:16,280 --> 00:21:21,560
Jeremy sometimes,
for a laugh, makes me say things
with a bread knife.
318
00:21:21,600 --> 00:21:26,120
He's obviously not a crack-head,
but... Uh-huh, OK.
319
00:21:26,160 --> 00:21:27,680
Yeah.
320
00:21:27,720 --> 00:21:33,440
Look, Mark, about the phone
message, you don't have to be
embarrassed about it.
321
00:21:33,480 --> 00:21:37,360
I don't? Of course not.
It's just one of those things.
322
00:21:37,400 --> 00:21:40,240
It is? Oh, right. Fantastic.
323
00:21:40,280 --> 00:21:45,000
And you haven't told anyone
about it? Of course not.
324
00:21:45,040 --> 00:21:47,040
Thank you, thank you!
325
00:21:47,080 --> 00:21:50,440
'Calm down!
She's not bloody Pontius Pilate.'
326
00:21:50,480 --> 00:21:57,040
Well, you know, the truth is...the
truth is, I suppose, I like you.
327
00:21:57,840 --> 00:22:01,400
That's why I said the song.
I like you.
328
00:22:01,440 --> 00:22:07,600
Is that such a crime? Should I be
hounded to the ends of the earth
for liking you?
329
00:22:07,640 --> 00:22:14,080
I like you and if you can't handle
it, you can just...you know,
fuck off.
330
00:22:15,480 --> 00:22:19,160
No, no, I think I can handle
you liking me. Good.
331
00:22:20,240 --> 00:22:22,960
Right, excellent. OK.
332
00:22:26,520 --> 00:22:28,280
Bye.
333
00:22:38,040 --> 00:22:41,320
Hi, Mark.
Thanks for bringing in Jeremy.
334
00:22:41,360 --> 00:22:47,160
He was quite the find. Er...yeah,
I'm really sorry.
335
00:22:47,200 --> 00:22:51,560
I thought it would be a good...
that he might...
336
00:22:52,560 --> 00:22:54,560
Hey! Hey, there!
337
00:22:54,600 --> 00:22:57,600
Feeling BETTER, are we?!
Fully recovered?!
338
00:22:57,640 --> 00:23:00,880
Hey, I SEE you! I SEE you!
339
00:23:02,080 --> 00:23:05,840
He used to have a limp!
I mean, he pretended to have a limp!
340
00:23:05,880 --> 00:23:08,840
He's a faking little peg-leg!
341
00:23:21,000 --> 00:23:23,000
Hi, Geoff.
342
00:23:23,040 --> 00:23:28,040
'Fuck you!
If you're not doing small talk,
I'm not going to help us out.
343
00:23:28,080 --> 00:23:30,440
'Let's die together.'
344
00:23:45,000 --> 00:23:50,000
"Something Stupid" by
Robbie Williams and Nicole Kidman
345
00:23:53,640 --> 00:24:00,720
you still despise the same old lies
346
00:24:03,400 --> 00:24:06,880
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SHARON BACKER
29313
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