All language subtitles for Murphy Brown s11e09 Thanksgiving and Taking.eng

And to end our show
on a lighter note,

tomorrow is Thanksgiving.

Traditionally,
the president

pardons [ chuckling ]
two turkeys.

Okay, that's just too easy.

Feel free to write
your own joke.

Tomorrow, we'll be off for
the Thanksgiving Day Parade

and the National Dog Show.

Go Yorkies!

We'll be back bright and early
on Friday morning.

So, America, put aside your
politics, pick up your forks,

and have
a wonderful holiday.

[ Outro plays ]

Julius: We're out!

Oh, and don't forget,
the average person

gains two pounds
over the holiday season,

and the camera adds ten.

So, renew your gym memberships,
people.

Great show, everybody.
Great show.

Happy Thanksgiving.
See you Friday morning.

Got to go.

-Miles?
-Nope. Got to go.

Can't talk.

There's only three floors
in this building.

Where is
that elevator?

Miles, you never answered
my invitation

for Thanksgiving dinner.

I'm so sorry, but, uh,
I-I made other plans.

What other plans?

M-My Aunt Shirl --
She's all alone,

so I'm spending Thanksgiving
with her.

Your Aunt Shirl died
two years ago.

Shouldn't you be starting
to lose your memory by now?

Frank?

Murph, you know what?
Uh, geez, of course I would

be there in a heartbeat,
but you know what,

I have this cold-y
[sniffs] flu-y

thingy [sniffs] --
Whoa!

Does anybody else
hear that ringing?

Yeah. It's
the BS alarm, Frank.

You're coming.

Corky?

Corky: What the hell is wrong
with this stupid thing?!

Oh, shoot!

Murphy, I had it all planned
where I was just gonna

look at you and sort of say,
"lady issues."

Then, Frank ruined it
with his pathetic performance!

You guys, Avery has been on
the road for the last few years.

He's hardly been home
for Thanksgiving dinner,

and I thought it would be great
to have a home-cooked one.

I even bought the bird.

It weighs 25 pounds,
and it cost $350.

So, you'll spend $350
on a turkey,

but you wouldn't chip in for
a birthday card for Julius?

It's just that there are lovely
ones online for free, and...

I want you all to be there for
Avery -- and you're coming, too.

I'm actually not really big
on Thanksgiving.

And not just because it
celebrates the savage slaughter

of our indigenous
peoples --

I mean, who doesn't
like a holiday?

But I'm a vegan.

That's all the green stuff,
right?

Well, we should have
some of that.

So, see you at 2:00.

Hey, Murph, maybe you can
serve the meal at the ER,

save us some
drive time.

Anything I can bring --
like the dinner?

[ Chuckles ]

Miles, don't you have any snide
remark you'd like to make?

What's the use?

I'm as dead
as Aunt Shirl.

[ Elevator dings ]

♪♪

Ken:
Happy Thanksgiving.

Turkey Hotline.

This is Ken.
How can I help you?

Ken, this is my first time
cooking a turkey,

and I want to
do it justice.

It weighs 25 pounds
and cost $350.

$350?

What's it stuffed with,
iPhones?

Look, it's
a heritage bird.

It grew up on a farm
in Vermont.

It ate nothing
but organic grains.

It speaks
three languages.

How do I know
why it cost so much?

All right. Wound a little
tight today, are we?

Relax. This is
the turkey hotline,

not the suicide hotline.

You took the bag of giblets
out of the cavity, didn't you?

Didn't you?

Didn't you?

Of course I did.
What do you take me for?

Before you do anything, preheat
your oven to 450 degrees.

Hmm. Let me see...

You do have
an oven, right?

My oven is on, Ken.

If that's your
real name.

It isn't.

So, you pat
the turkey dry

and season it all over
with salt and pepper.

Ha!
I already did that!

All right,
don't get cocky.

And then, when the oven
reaches 450,

place the turkey
on the lowest rack.

Hmm.

"Congratulations
on your new oven."

-What?
-Nothing.

All right. After a half hour,
turn the oven down to 350.

And then,
when is it done?

In 5 1/2 hours.

Uh-oh.

[ Doorbell rings ]

Ah, your friends
are here.

Hope they like pizza.

Happy Thanksgiving.

[ Doorbell rings ]

Come on in!
It's open!

[ All shivering, groaning ]

Happy Turkey Day, guys!

Whoa, it is really
blowing out there.

Weather says there's a major
nor'easter coming our way.

Is Avery going to
make it in?

Yep. He got the last flight
out of Boston.

He was doing a piece
on a food bank in Plymouth,

and he should be here
any minute.

Do you need me to help you
in the kitchen, Murphy?

Well, no, because when Avery
sits down at the table,

I want him to know that
his mother did everything.

I don't smell
any turkey roasting.

Well, that's because
your nose is stuffed

from that cold-y,
flu-y thing.

So, are you excited to feast
on a tortured creature

who spent its short,
miserable life

trapped in a cage with
thousands of other turkeys,

force-fed genetically
modified grain,

until its head was cut off,
its body turned upside down,

and its blood drained
onto the floor?

That did not happen
to my turkey.

My turkey grew up
on a beautiful farm in Vermont

with its own bed,
turn-down service every night,

free cable,

and then,
one bad day.

Whatever helps you
sleep at night.

Anyway,
I brought my own food.

Check it out -- soyball sub,
soystrami, and soysage.

Happy Thanksgiving,
everybody!

Oh, thank God!
Booze!

Yeah, well, you can't
get through this holiday

without a little
refreshment.

And it gave me a chance
to clear off some stuff

that wasn't selling
very well.

I hope you like
banana schnapps.

Not even when
I was drinking.

Miguel,
I forgot to invite you.

Will you come
to dinner tonight?

Oh, thanks,
but I was just

helping Phyllis
carry this stuff in.

I'm working on the food truck
with my parents today.

On Thanksgiving?

Yep. Every year, we park the
truck in front of one of those

"recently divorced dads"
apartment buildings.

The guys are all on
anti-depressants,

so the tips are huge.

I've got to go. My parents are
out in the truck waiting for me.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.
I mean, there's a storm.

You're not gonna make
any money today.

Bring your parents in.
There's plenty for everyone.

-Are you sure?
-Yeah.

Let me go ask them.

Another innocent victim.

Maybe three --

a massacre.

I heard that.

Okay, here's the deal.
I run a restaurant.

I wait on you
people every day.

Today is my day off.

Today, I do nothing --
except eat and drink.

Phyllis, could you
hand me the remote?

Today, I do nothing.

Whoa!
[ Shivers ]

Brutal out there!

Hey, guys!
-Hey!

-Hey, Avery!
-Ohh!

This is great. The whole fam
together on Thanksgiving.

I love it. And, hey, I saw
the food truck outside.

That's really cool.

Whose idea was that?

You can have some
turkey enchiladas,

some turkey mole,
maybe some turkey fajitas.

Hey! Avery's here!

What is that?

Is that a apron?

Yes. It came with
the expensive turkey.

Surprise.

I'm cooking
Thanksgiving dinner.

Well, this is not good.
Who -- Who let this happen?

It's nobody's
fault, really.

Oh, yes it is.
It's his.

Really?
How is it my fault?

Because she loves you
and wants you to be happy,

and we have to
pay for it!

You know, you guys
are hurting my feelings.

Here I am, giving you
a beautiful holiday experience,

at $43 worth of turkey
per person,

and you're sniping at me.

You know what?
You are right, Murphy.

The main thing is that
we're all together.

Do you want me to help you
bring out the appetizers?

They're out. There's a lovely
bowl of nuts on the table.

They'll tide you over.

I don't want anybody
ruining their appetite

before the $350 turkey
comes out.

What is this?

Is this a Southwest Airlines
wrapper from a peanut bag?

Announcer:
Touchdown!

[ Cheering ]

I knew Stafford would
hit that seam route.

That tight end's been open
the whole game.

That's what I've been saying,
Dad -- a run-pass option.

They can do it all day.

Ugh!
Football speak!

So boring!

I want to watch the parade.
Don't you, Phyllis? Maria?

Oh, I'm not used to sitting
on Thanksgiving.

Maybe I should go help out
in the kitchen.

No! We restaurant people,
this is our day off.

We do nothing.

Okay, that's it.

[ Grumbling ]

Ohh, the Macy's Day Parade!

Now, this was a great day
for parking enforcement,

because we had
our own parade --

the parade of cars
being towed away.

Parades give me
the creeps.

All that band music
and marching.

You know what it
reminds me of?

Stinking Nazis.

Guys, I don't want
to start a panic,

but I was just in
the dining room,

and the only thing
on the table

is a half-done jigsaw puzzle
and a basket of laundry.

She hasn't even
set the table yet?

Someone go in the kitchen
and see if she's even

in the house anymore!

All right,
I'll do it.

I'm going in.

I knew this
was gonna happen.

This storm will
never end,

there will be no food,

and they'll find our remains
here in the spring.

How sad for you.

Mmm!

Soyquito.

Oh, my God!

Someone's got to
do something.

It's like Freddy Krueger's
Thanksgiving in there.

Maybe I can help.

Oh, Maria,
we hardly knew ye.

Ay, ay, ay, ay,
Dios Mio.

Hi, Maria.
Don't worry.

I know it looks bad,
but everything's under control.

Ah, I was going to
offer to help you,

but I think it's better
if you sell the house.

Oh, God, I am so
in over my head.

Why can't I just admit
there are some things in life

I'm not good at?

Oh, don't worry.

We'll get it done.

Here.
Chop up this celery.

We're going to make
the stuffing.

Okay.

You know, I just wanted this to
be a special holiday for Avery.

Of course.
What we don't do for our sons.

Here.
Chop up the sage.

You know, speaking of sons, your
Miguel is a pretty great kid.

Ah, thank you.

We brought him here from Mexico
when he was two,

because where we
lived, the violence, oh, it was everywhere.

So, you've lived half your life
undocumented?

That must be terrible.

What choice
did we have?

Now, our dream is
to see Miguel graduate

and to someday
become a lawyer.

I bet it wasn't easy working
full time and raising a son.

That's something
we have in common.

Yeah. You know,
there's so many things

from Avery's childhood
I regret missing.

Oh, we did
the best we could.

And you know what?

They turned out to be
pretty good.

Absolutely.

Although, I don't miss the phase
when Avery thought it was funny

to flush everything
down the toilet.

My piece of
the Berlin Wall, gone.

It's hard to believe
he grew up so fast.

It's hard to believe
he grew up at all.

-Ohh!
-Son of a...

Hey, guys,
look at this.

My cousin, Angie,
just sent me a picture

of their
Thanksgiving table.

Look at that turkey.

So juicy!

How juicy?

Send it to me.

That is so hot!

Ohh.

Look at the steam
coming off it.

Oh, mama.

We have a saying
in Spanish.

"Si la comida de Dar Gracias
se vuelve en basura,

siempre
la comida China."

He said, "If Thanksgiving
turns to crap,

there's always
Chinese food."

So, Pat, what's that
you've got there?

Mm. I saved the best
for last.

Soy-loin steak
on a stick.

You know, I'm sorry
I was so snarky

about your
vegan lifestyle.

Forget it, Frank.
I'm not sharing with you.

Damn it, Pat.
I'm an animal, too.

Where's your
compassion?

Avery,
my glass is empty.

That's a pretty stingy
pour, there, junior.

And why are we watching
this old movie?

I want to watch
"Real Cops on Patrol."

-Hey!
-Ooh!

Ahh.

No, I saw this one.
It's good.

What the hell is that,
a severed thumb?

Thumb?

That's not a thumb.

Why would an angry wife
cut off her husband's thumb?

-Ohh!
-Okay!

Under any other
circumstance,

that would have
ruined my appetite.

You know, it's been like this
my whole life.

She gets it into her head
that she has to do something,

and she cannot
let it go.

Like, when I was a kid,
she convinced herself

that she had to help me
build a model plane.

We wound up glued
to the card table.

[ Laughs ]

Good news, everybody!

Dinner's ready!

[ Cheering ]

In one teeny,
little hour.

[ Groaning ]

I've done all I can.

It's in God's hands now.

The Lord has spoken.

Carlos: Your oven --
It is gas, yes?

No. It's electric.
I got a good deal.

[ Shouting indistinctly ]

-Be careful right there.
-Ohh!

Well, this was supposed to be
a nice office gathering,

and it's turned into
the world's worst escape room.

This is not good.

I have a thing
about being trapped

in a small, crowded space
with a limited air supply.

Who doesn't have
a thing about that?

Watch out. Watch out.

I feel like a pallbearer
at Big Bird's funeral.

Ohh!

Corky, is that your hand
on my butt?

Ew! I thought it was a basket
of warm tortillas.

Also, Pilates
could really help

with those pillowy
glutes, Frank.

[ Knocking ]

Thanks a lot,
you guys.

Not only is my turkey
not cooked,

but my giblets
are frozen.

This bird is too big
to fit in the oven.

I'm going to have to
spatchcock it.

-What?
-Spatchcock! Spatchcock!

You don't have
to swear, Maria.

It means to split down
the middle and lay it open.

[ Knocking ]

We're closed!

Officer Reynolds: Immigration
and Customs Enforcement!

Officer Lynch:
Open up!

[ Knocking ]

H-Hey.
H-Hold on.

Is there a-a problem,
here, officers?

We received a call
from a neighbor here

about a taco truck
parked in a residential area.

Noticed the taillight's cracked.
Ran the plates.

Seems the truck belongs to
a Carlos and Maria Gonzales --

undocumented immigrants,
outstanding removal order.

What're all you people
doing in here?

This isn't a meth lab,
is it?

We can't even cook a turkey.
You think we could make meth?

Phyllis:
Let me handle this.

Hello.

Former member of
the NYPD here.

I'm gonna have to see
your paperwork.

We don't have to show
paperwork anymore.

You want to
read something?

The new Grisham novel
is very compelling.

Can't you look
the other way on this?

Wouldn't you rather be home with
your families on Thanksgiving?

Are you kidding me?

If I could deport
my husband, I would.

So, let's get on
with it.

Mr. Gonzales,
please, step up here.

I'm not Mr. Gonzales.

Oh, really? 'Cause you don't
look like you're from here.

Where were you born?

Ohio.

Ohio, huh?

Which state am I referring to
when I say the "Buckeye State"?

-Ohio.
-Crap.

You guys cannot
barge in here like this.

I know you're used to
dealing with people

who are scared
and vulnerable,

but if you don't get out of this
truck, I will spatchcock you.

Oh, yeah. I read about that
in Gourmet Magazine.

It doesn't
dry out the bird,

and it cuts the cooking
time in half.

Reynolds! What did I tell you
about losing focus?

Look, lady, we're in
the removal business.

We've got our orders.

Maria and Carlos Gonzales,
step forward.

-I'm Carlos Gonzales.
-No, Miguelito.

He is DACA.

I'm Carlos Gonzales.

And I'm Maria Gonzales.

Now we're getting
somewhere.

Hey, Pat, do you have
your phone?

Record this.

You'll be taken to
a retention center...

It's Thanksgiving Day
here in America.

ICE agents,
with no paperwork,

have shown up to arrest
an undocumented couple

who have lived in this country
for 20 years.

They have contributed
to their community,

and they have
no criminal record.

They pay their taxes,
and they are raising a son

who will one day
become a lawyer.

You don't have to put handcuffs
on them, for God's sakes.

[ Voice breaking ] What did they
do except give up everything

so I could grow up in a country
that we thought

was the most compassionate place
in the world?

Sorry, kid.

We're just following
government orders.

Can we have a moment
with our son?

Miguel. Miguel.

We always knew
this day might come.

We've put some money
aside for you.

No. No. I'm going to
do something, okay?

We have to do something.
This can't happen.

This is why you need
to finish school

and become a lawyer.

[ Speaks Spanish ]

I will see to it that
[speaks Spanish]

He will always have
a roof over his head

as long as I'm around.Gracias.

[ Speaking Spanish ]

I love you, Miguel.

You know what?
I will be your worst nightmare!

I know people![ Car door opens ]

I know immigration
attorneys!

[ Car door closes ]I know judges!

They are not
going anywhere!

[ Engine starts ]

...where the President
and his family

enjoyed a large Butterball
turkey, like this one.

Whoops.
Wrong graphic.

Frank.

I had nothing
to do with that.

Over to you, Murphy.

Thank you, Corky.

And on Monday, we're going to
have a special segment on --

[ Breathes deeply ]

Actually, I'm going to go
off-script for a minute.

I normally don't tell
personal stories on the air,

but something
happened yesterday.

I can't imagine
what it's like

for parents to be separated
from their child,

but I watched it happen
to friends of mine.

Officer Reynolds:
...your subsequent deportation to Mexico.

Murphy: Oh, for God's sake,
you don't have to put handcuffs on them.

Miguel: What did they do
except give up everything

so I could grow up in a country
that we thought

was the most compassionate
place in the world?

I did everything
I could to stop it.

I called in every favor.

I pulled every string.

But it wasn't enough.

People say, "Why can't
these illegals just get in line

and apply
for citizenship?"

Well, there isn't
any line.

There's no path to citizenship
if you've come into this country

the way my friends did --
yes, illegally.

But because they
would have waited years

to become citizens --

precious years
with a young child

vulnerable to the gang violence
and drug culture

that threatened
his future.

So, if you celebrated
Thanksgiving yesterday

with your family,

I hope you gave real thanks
that you were all together.

As for me,
watching what I did yesterday

might have given me
a real reason

to lose faith
in my country.

But I refuse to believe
that we've become so jaded

that we feel nothing
when we see these human beings

[voice breaking] experiencing
such heartache.

There has to be a way
to fix this.

We can do better.

We will do better.

I know we can.

This has been
"Murphy in the Morning."

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

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