All language subtitles for Murphy Brown s11e04 Three Shirts to the Wind.eng

♪♪

Avery: Hello, and welcome
to "Avery Brown's America."

This morning,
we are coming at you live

from the historic Anchor Bar
in Buffalo, New York,

actual birthplace of
the Buffalo chicken wings.

[ Cheers and applause ]

People come to the Anchor
for the famous food,

but they stay
for the conversation,

the subject of which today

is the very controversial
Ed Shannon.

Take a look.

Let the bleeding-heart

libtards call you racist.

Let 'em call you
nativists.

Wear it as
a badge of honor,

because this is
our country,

and we are
taking it back!

[ Cheers
and applause ]

Shannon's about to release
a new book entitled

"American Carnage."

In it, he describes the U.S.
as a country in free fall

with trade deals
sucking away our jobs

and cities falling
into decay,

overrun by "crimmigrants."

But is this really
our America?

With me today, I have
John Dwyer, a plumber...

Dwyer Drains, available eight
days a week, 25 hours a day.

...and Dorothy Johnson,

a teacher at Buffalo
All Saints Elementary School.

Go, Bills!

So, guys, what are
your thoughts on Ed Shannon

and his views
of the country?

I like him. He's not a phony
like those other D.C. types

and the low I.Q.
Democrats,

fake media
like that Murphy Brown,

who I believe
you are related to.

[ Laughs ]
Let's try to stay on point.

Dorothy?Shannon didn't go to Washington
to drain the swamp.

He isthe swamp.

That's why he wears
three shirts at a time --

to hide
his swamp scales.

He wears them to soak up
all the sweat from hard work,

something you
and the other elites

wouldn't know
anything about.

Oh, come on, John.

You live in a 3,000-square-foot
house with a grotto.

That I built
with my own two hands!

Next time, build a bookshelf
and put a book on it!

I'm a plumber!

Shannon's a know-nothing
jerk like you, Dwyer!

You "fixed" my sewer,
and the next morning,

my basement was as full
of crap as you are!

Yeah! He's a slime ball,
and so are you, Dwyer.

[ All arguing loudly ]

Well, obviously,
Shannon brings up

some pretty strong opinions
here in Buffalo.

We're gonna take a quick break.
This is "Avery Brown's America."

[ Dishes clatter,
glass shatters ]

[ Arguing stops ]Yeah!

Avery: [ Hushed ]
And Avery Brown wins the gold.

[ Imitates crowd cheering ]

Aah! Aah!
[ Gasps ]

Why are you
turning those on,

for God's sakes?

Oh, I'm sorry.

I thought it would be nice
just for one morning

to not feel like I had

to spelunk my way
to the kitchen.

Fine.

Enjoy your soul-sucking
lights.

You know, we have completely
different ways

of preparing
for our morning shows.

I get up, and I run
for two and a half miles,

and you complain

for two
and a half hours.

That's why I need
my own place,

although I do appreciate
you letting me crash here.

Oh, oh, hold it.
You're not crashing here.

This is your home.
Plus, you're the only one

who knows how to use
the universal remote.

Who's gonna record
all my "Hoarders" episodes?

I am a grown man
with my own TV show

living with my mother.

If I don't
call it "crashing,"

it starts
to sound pathetic.

Well, at least wait
and see how your show does.

I mean, you just started
with The Wolf Network.

You're on
in a very tough time slot.

I mean,
you're up against...

well, me.

Well, you might want to check
the ratings today

because you're starting
to be up against,

well, me.

♪♪

Corky: [ Cheerfully ]
Good morning, Murphy.

I know what
will cheer you up.

I whipped up a batch
of banana nut muffins.

Want one?

It's 4:00
in the morning.

You've already baked?

Yes, I did.

I'm lying.

I'm just as exhausted
as you are!

I bought them at a gas station
and put them

in a basket I found
next to the pump.

[ Elevator bell dings ]

Good morning,
team!

Look at you all, bright-eyed
and bushy-tailed.

I brought
a special visitor.

Hi, Diana, and...

...man.

Thought I'd check in,
see how the magic happens.

It's easy for management
to lose touch with talent.

We've missed
your executive warmth.

Murphy,
what a kidder.

I'm here because the network's
just received

an amazing
opportunity --

the chance for
a ratings bonanza.

Don't tell me.

Paul Ryan's finally taken
a stand on something?

Geoffrey, latte.

Ed Shannon is publishing
a new book,

and he's singled you out to do
his very first interview.

It's an exclusive
and a major coup.

I want to schedule it
for this week.

Ed Shannon,
Satan's sidekick?

Why me?
What did I do?

You're the legendary
Murphy Brown.

He wants
to step in the ring

with someone who boxes
in his weight class,

and he knows
the two of you

will have a battle
for the ages,

like David Frost
and Richard Nixon.

Or William F. Buckley
and Gore Vidal.

Latte return.

We can't have him on!

He's a racist!

And I'm already carrying
a lot of guilt about that.

Back home
in Louisiana,

my great-great-grandpa's
tombstone reads,

"Here lies Homer Sherwood.

He loved the cross..."

[voice breaking]
"...especially when it was on fire."

Diana: Shannon's views
are not the point.[ Elevator bell dings ]

Landing him for an exclusive
could help us stand out

in a very competitive,
24/7 news cycle.

We need Ed Shannon.

Did someone
say Ed Shannon?

He's a Nazi.

Think about
something else, Frank.

We are not considering having
that slime bucket on.

Why? To do one of those
normalizing pieces?

"Nazis,
they're just like us."

I mean, we --
Oh, hi, Diana.

Listen, I, uh,
think this segment

is worth considering.

Shannon may be out
of the White House,

but he's still
a big newsmaker.

Suck up.

We could run Shannon's Twitter
feed on the big board.

It's extreme, and you should
see the ones he's deleted.

People think they're gone
forever, but they're not.

I know where to find them.
That's right.

I'm kind of known as
the, uh, Tweet Raider.

[ Chuckles ]

It's like "Tomb Raider"
but with tweets.

I don't know who you are,
but I like what I'm hearing.

How long have you
been with the show?

Uh, about
four weeks now.

Come up
to my office later.

I want to talk
about your future.

I discovered Geoffrey here
in the mail room.

Now look at him.
Latte.

Look, Diana,
this is a big decision.

I'm going to need some time
to think about it.

Of course.
You are my crown jewel.

I will back up whatever
choice you make

for a new show in
a highly competitive time slot

that's vulnerable
at any moment to cancelation

because I have
that kind of power,

but don't let that
influence your decision.[ Elevator bell dings ]

[ Sternly ]
Geoffrey, follow.

♪♪

It's not
life or death, buddy.

It's lunch.
Make a decision or move along.

What are you,
a cop?

As a matter of fact,

I spent
more than 20 years

in one of the toughest
divisions of the NYPD.

Parking enforcement.

[ Laughs ]

So, like a meter maid.

No.

Like parking enforcement!

I better feed
my meter.

Look, I know
you disagree,

but I really think
we should have Shannon on.

He deserves
to be taken apart,

and no one would do it
like you would.

That's just gonna allow that
jerk to sell more books.

I can see your point,
Frank, but...

...I can see
Miles' point, too.

Murphy would cut
Shannon down to size,

just like she did
with Jeff Sessions.

He used
to be six feet.

Now he sleeps
in an acorn.

Guys, you've got
to check this out.

Shannon tweeted
during our show.

"Let's see if Murphy Brown
has the stones

to get in the ring
with me.

My guess -- she'll stay in
the locker room."

Can you believe the ego
of this creep?

Now he's baiting me.

A lot of news sites
re-tweeted it --

BuzzFeed,
Politico, Daily Beast.

And Diana gave it
three clapping hands

and a [snaps fingers]
Spanish dancing lady.

I wish
Jim were here.

Whenever we had
a journalistic crisis,

he always knew
exactly what to do.[ Door opens ]

Hello, all.

All right, now,
let's not get out of hand.

I'm just a man
like any other.

Jim, you are a sight
for sore eyes.

We thought
you were sailing to Bermuda.

I just returned.

It's where Bermuda shorts
originated, you know.

Not to be confused
with clam diggers,

which extend
below the knee.

Or cargo shorts,
which are of similar length

but typically baggy,
or less tailored.

Perhaps too much
time alone on the boat.

Hello there.
You look like...

...you're in need
of a good cup of Joe.

Jim, this is
Phil's sister, Phyllis.

But you're
so attractive.

Oh!

Where did that
come from?

I apologize.

Don't worry
about it.

I'm used
to the attention.

And by the way,

you're not
so bad yourself.

Coffee's on me,
sailor.

What is happening?

Pat: Uh, Mr. Dial,

can I just say
I'm honored to meet you?

The comment threads
on your subreddit

are totally rad.

I have no idea
what you just said

or who you are.Oh, I'm Pat Patel,

Director of Social Media
and Technology

for "Murphy
in the Morning."

Is that a real job?

Look,
it doesn't matter, Jim.

You're here now
and we need your advice.

The network is putting
a lot of pressure on me

to do an interview
with Ed Shannon,

who has a book
coming out.

Do I do it?That's simple.

No.

We're a new show.
It could help us in the ratings.

No.Murphy could chop him up

and feed him
to the dogs.

[ Chuckles ] No.

Let me give
it to you straight.

If you put that human mudslide
on the air,

you're creating a perfect
example of false equivalency.

It's a disease that's
sickening today's journalism.

You don't have
to give equal time

to someone who claims

Tom Hanks is running
a shadow government.

I am all for
journalistic principles,

but this is a different world
now, and frankly,

if we don't have
the guy on our show,

he'll just
go on somebody else's.

Who could take Shannon down
better than Murphy?

No one. Isn't that worth
the tradeoff?

You think I wouldn't love
to eviscerate this guy

in a public square?

Is that just
my ego talking?

Because that's usually
the loudest voice in the room.

Slugger,
you know your own gut.

You always have.
Trust it.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm
going to re-acquaint myself

with an actual
men's room

so I can take care
of business without all that

bobbing up and down.

One final note
before we go --

you may have heard
about a possible interview

involving
this reporter and...

a certain individual.

In fact, I won't
even say his name.

Let's just call him

horseman number four
of the apocalypse.

That interview...

...is not going to happen.

It wasn't an easy decision
to make,

but we're here
to report the news,

not become the news.

Yes, it would've been
a huge ratings grabber,

but I'd like to think
integrity won out.

This has been
"Murphy in the Morning."

We'll see you again
tomorrow.

♪♪

And we're clear.

Well, I've enjoyed working
with all you people.

And back to driving
for Lyft.

Remember, folks,

you cantip.

That's the kind of show
I'm proud to be part of.

Good going, Murph.

Yeah. That was a very brave
decision you made.

Even though there will be
repercussions

for me, Frank,
Miles, and...

pretty much everyone else here
who doesn't have

your "up yours" money.
[ Chuckles ]

But still,
I'm proud of you.

I'm sorry, Miles.
I know it's not what you wanted.

I'm a 5'7" Jew
with small calves and colitis.

I've had a lifetime of
not getting what I wanted.

But I've had the honor

of working with
journalists like you,

and that is something
I appreciate...

...more than
I can say.

Thank you, Miles.

Now, if you'll
excuse me,

I need to go prepare myself
for the firing squad.

[ Elevator bell dings ]

And here
she is now.

Integrity.

It's impressive. If only
we could eat it for dinner

and use it
to pay the rent.

Look, Diana,
when you get me,

you get
the whole package.

Occasionally,
I go rogue.

Well, more than
occasionally.

Where's Geoffrey?He's no longer with us.

He quit?

He's no longer with us.
Let's just leave it at that.

Come on, Miles,
let's go upstairs and talk about

the fallout
from all this...[ Elevator bell dings ]

...integrity.

[ Whimpering ]
Oh, God.

♪♪

Hey, Phyllis.
What a day.

Heads up -- there's a guy
looking for you.

Kind of blotchy.

Looks like he slept
in his car for a week.

He's in the bathroom.

How many shirts
was he wearing?

I'd estimate
at minimum,

a trio.

Aha.

There she is.

Murphy Brown.
I thought I'd find you here.

Can I buy you
a drink?

Oh, wait, you couldn't
handle your booze

like you
couldn't handle me.

[ Laughs ]
Ed Shannon.

So many shirts.

And a safari jacket.

Do you wear it
to hunt down reporters?

You mind if I join you?

I promise this apocalyptic
horseman is riding alone.

You know,
I was disappointed

you decided
not to have me on your show,

but then I always knew
you were a coward.

[ Laughs ]
As if.

I just didn't want to help you
further your ugly agenda.

Bringing America back to
its former glory is ugly?

Here's a fact --

America's a sad place
right now.

We're weak.
The world knows it.

"Fact" -- I'm surprised
you could even say that word

without bursting
into flames.

You're not
about the truth.

You're a fear monger.Fear is a good thing.

Who knows when the next
terrorist attack will hit?

Illegals are pouring
over our borders.

That's why we got to keep
the swarthy crowd out.

"The swarthy crowd"?

That's how they used to refer
to Italians and Jews,

and "Shannon," that's
an Irish name, isn't it?

So you want to go back
to the good ol' days

where there were
signs saying,

"No dogs
or Irish allowed."

Hey, we came here
legally.

Yeah, well, so would everybody
else if you didn't put up

so many roadblocks
to citizenship.

How do you explain
the rise in crime that's sweeping the country?

Spreading faster than head lice
through a public school.

Please. Crime is
at its lowest in decades,

and the only crime
I see

is the way
you murder the truth.

Truth is
not the truth.

Don't you Giuliani me.

And don't you
give me that

snowflake
"wah, wah, wah." [ Laughs ]

You people think
that we should be

the nurse maid
to the world.

Well, the world has its hands
in our pockets.

So, we don't
need allies?

We don't need Europe
or the Middle East or Asia?

Or Australia
or Canada.

Oh, why pick on
Australia?

Their animals
have pouches.

Much like
your stupid jacket.

And Canada?
I mean, granted,

they have
that round bacon,

but their prime minister's
adorable.

He's a globalist cuck.

I just got
what's going on.

Underneath
all that clothing

is an old white guy

who's scared of losing
his place at the table.

You and your friends,
you're all dinosaurs.

What the hell
are you talking about?

This is your last gasp,

your last chance to prevent
progress from happening,

and the good people --

let's call them
single-shirts...

...they're going to stamp out
your hatred and bigotry,

and they
will replace you.

You will end up
an exhibit in a museum,

standing in
your country-club diorama

with a gin and tonic
in one hand

and your putter
in the other...

...a sad, sad, sad,

saddinosaur
who went extinct.

What a waste of time.

Talk about
going extinct.

I should've known
all I'd get from you

were the rantings
of a woman way, way, way,

waypast her prime.

[ Laughs ]

You know, of everything
you've ever said,

that is
the most predictable.

Oh, and
you better hurry.

Jurassic Park
closes in an hour.

Wow.

That was amazing.

Vintage Murphy Brown.

That's what I wanted
to see on TV.

How do you feel?

Like I want
to eat a steak.

T-bone, blue rare.

How was Diana?

She's pretty upset
with me.

She took away
my executive parking spot.

I had to move into...

...the structure.

Oh, God, Miles,

not the structure.

I'm four floors down.

Basically in the bowels
of Middle Earth.

Such a tiny spot.

S-So many walls
around it.

I think Geoffrey's
buried there.

I'm so sorry, Miles.

[ Sarcastically ]
Mm, yeah. [ Laughs ]

I can tell you are.

I'll think of you fondly

as I'm crawling out
of my sunroof every morning.

♪♪

[ Door closes ]

Hey.
Hey.

Oh, please, don't move
on my account.

So, how was your broadcast
from Chesapeake Bay?

It was good.

We talked about
the NFL.

Somebody took a knee,
someone took a swing,

and somebody took
your crab cakes. [ Gasps ]

How was your day?
Well...

your mama
did pretty good today.

She took the journalistic
high road

and saved the world
from hearing from --

Murphy's voice:
...a sad, sad, sad,sad dinosaur.

What is that?

Someone at Phil's
took a video of you

ripping into Shannon
and posted it online.

You're blowing up
the Internet right now.

There's even
a dance-mix version.

That was supposed to be
between me and Shannon.

Thank God there were no
smartphones when I was drinking.

Hey, you know what?
You should be proud.

This is really good,
especially for me.

I mean,
if this was on the air,

you would've
killed my ratings.

I told you.

You're on in
a very tough time slot.[ Laughs ]

Whoa!

It's 4:00
in the afternoon.

Time for bed.
[ Chuckles ]

It's like we've got
a Dunkin' Donuts franchise.

But first,

let's just watch
the beginning of that video.

All right, you got
to hear the dance mix.

[ Techno music plays ]♪ Here we go! ♪

♪ You and your friends
are all ♪

[ Echoing ]
♪ Dinosaurs ♪

♪ You and your friends
are all dinosaurs ♪

♪ You and your friends
are all dinosaurs ♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

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