Original subtitles

Guys, I was just in the executive gym, and I heard some big news.

Miles is meeting with the network brass, and as we speak, they're deciding which

one of us is going to get an hour -live special.

Oh, how exciting!

Wait a minute, Frank. Why are you in such a good mood?

Well, come on. It's got to be me, right? I mean, my last special pulled a 39

share. Oh, yes, and what a special it was.

You and a vice squad mistaking a senior citizen's home as a front for a crack

house.

Who could forget the image of that poor woman face down on the shuffleboard

court?

It wasn't my fault. They were on to us and took off before we busted in.

But it still scored big numbers.

Better than an 11 share.

Oh, I suppose that's a shot at my 1983 special on the Grenada invasion.

I'm fed up taking a fall for an 11 share.

The network gave me a pocket change for a budget. Then they scheduled it against

that Facts of Life episode when Tootie gets a brassiere. Well, I'll say to

with them.

Hey, look, guys, my chia dog sprouted.

And people said I couldn't take care of a pet.

Stay.

Good boy.

Murphy, have you heard the good news?

Miles is upstairs right now finding out which one of us is going to get a

special. I think I have a good chance, too.

Jim's last special was boring, and Frank doesn't test well with the elderly

anymore. What do you think?

I think I don't care, Corky. A special might sound attractive, but believe me,

I've been there. The hours are brutal, and the network's always sticking their

nose into it. I wouldn't touch it with a ten -foot pole.

Good morning, people!

You know?

One of the real pleasures of my job is coming down here with an exciting...

get over to Miles. Which one of us is getting the special?

Found out, didn't you?

You found out and you told them.

Well, thanks a lot, Frank.

Hey, you know what I'm thinking about right now? A 72 -year -old woman named

Hildy.

And a shuffleboard court.

It wasn't my fault.

Miles, will you just tell us who got the damn special so we can go back to work?

And it better not be me.

It isn't you.

Oh. Well, good.

Close one.

Anyway, the reason I'm so pleased to make this announcement is because...

because my last special had no lead -in. I'm happy to make this announcement

because... Not my fault Betty Ford was boring.

That's what I was saying.

I'm happy to make this announcement because it reaffirms the network's faith

a certain person's ability. That whatever shortcomings there may have

the past, that was then, this is now. Well, it's about time. I agree, Jim.

So congratulations, Corky. You've got your first special.

anything like this to happen. Well, actually, I did, but I didn't think I

say anything because I wanted to sound humble. But now, I have a special, so I

just don't care.

Oh, thank you.

Hey there,

Corcorina. What a momentous occasion, huh? The first meeting for your first

special. I could hardly sleep last night, Miles.

My mind was just spilling over with so many ideas.

You know, Corky, this is a great opportunity.

You're getting the chance to show the American public another side of you and

the same time say something meaningful to the people.

I could hardly agree with you more, Miles.

That's why I'm going to turn my special into a great big tea party.

We'll do it on a set just like my living room where famous guests drop by to

talk about important issues.

As long as they're not too depressing or bring everybody down.

So what do you think?

You know, I remember the day I hired you.

I said to the network, trust me on this one.

Someday, she's going to surprise us.

Well, you didn't make a liar out of me.

I knew you'd like it.

Now, about the guest.

I'd like to have someone on the show of national importance.

Would this be a real person or an animated character?

I was thinking about General Schwarzkopf.

Really? That's great.

But then I started picturing him tracking those dirty boots onto my nice

set.

So I decided on Mary Ann Mobley and Gary Collins.

They have one of the most successful marriages in television, and I think

America wants to know why.

Now, I can't decide between Mrs. Fields, the chocolate chip cookie magnate,

or Floyd Wilkins.

Who's Floyd Wilkins? He's a Texas man who doesn't have a collarbone.

Let me review here, Corky.

Your living room, wacky guests, and some tea.

I don't want to rain on your parade, but the network may have some suggestions

of their own.

Oh, but not better than that collarbone guy, Miles. You better get him before

Nightline does.

Murphy, go to your room. No, stay, Murphy. I want your opinion on my third

guest. I'm all ears, Corky. I wouldn't miss this for the world.

All right.

For my third guest, I'd like to have a major network television journalist.

I think people would be very interested in knowing what actually goes into

getting the story.

That's not bad.

I like it. A lot. Oh, come on, Miles. What self -respecting journalist would

himself be interviewed at a tea party?

None that I can think of.

Unless that journalist is also a close, personal friend willing to do a favor

for someone who really needs it.

Hey, gotta go. Have a nice special.

See you in September.

She's getting away, Miles. Do something. Don't worry. I'll handle this.

Murphy, you're fake typing again. I can tell because you never hit the space

bar.

Stop wasting paper and listen to me.

I'm not doing it, Miles. A good reporter doesn't give personal interviews.

Once we become part of the story, we sacrifice all credibility.

The next thing you know, we're celebrity judges on Star Search.

Oh, come on.

The fact is, the journalist is a very important part of the story.

In fact, sometimes the most interesting part of the news is how we... Not doing

it, Miles.

Do you mean to tell me that you are never going to let people know how you

landed your first Kissinger interview?

What, erased?

And the interview, what an insight into the man.

God, I got goosebumps just thinking about it. Look.

You have inverted pores, Miles. You should buy a loofah mint.

Hey, hey.

You know what's another great story?

You and Anwar Sadat. Now tell me that isn't the stuff that journalistic

are made of.

Yeah, it was pretty great. I knew if I could walk with him in the shadow of the

Great Pyramid, I could really get him to open up. I remember when I saw that

interview, I couldn't get out of my head for days.

Look, they're back.

Okay, Miles, I admit, I...

I have my share of powerful and fascinating stories, but still. Remember

you played Monopoly with the Pope?

You thought you caught him cheating?

Oh, all right, all right. Yeah.

Oh,

look. Here's a mention of Corky's special on the TV page. Really? What

say? Well, let's see.

Tonight, 9 p .m., Corky's place.

Oh.

Oh, my.

Well, the main thing is they mentioned the show. Oh, look, Paris Bulba's on it,

too.

Corky Sherwood, FYI's cotton candy reporter, who in the past has brought us

hard -hitting fare as Woody Woodpecker turns 50, hosts her own special with

three live interviews, including FYI co -anchor Murphy Brown.

We can hardly wait to hear Corky ask, Murphy, if you were a salad dressing,

kind would you be?

If you want depth.

Try the weather channel.

Oh, this is horrible.

What if Corky sees this? Do you think she's seen it? Oh, come on, Miles. We've

never actually seen Corky read a newspaper. The only way she'll find out

someone tells her. Nobody say anything.

Hey, there she is. Hi, Corky. Today's the big day, huh?

Don't you people read the newspapers?

How did you see it?

I wouldn't have.

Except that Mr. Puffy started bringing up a furball this morning. I laid out

some papers for him, and that's when I saw it.

This is why I don't read the newspaper.

No, Corky, the public doesn't put much stock in these reviews.

This fellow took some very cheap shots like that if you were a salad dressing

thing. I never would have asked Murphy a question like that. And everyone knows

that. But it would have been perfect for Marianne Mobley, and now I can't use

it.

I can't go on the air tonight, Miles. Not after being human. humiliated like

this what do you mean you can't do it we've got an hour of prime time to fill

corky i'm on the line here too i'm sorry miles but millions of people are going

to watch me on live television tonight and they're going to be laughing at me

parents will be so embarrassed they won't even be able to walk out on the

Did you get my message? No, Miles dragged me all over the entire city

for any place she might be. Here, have a token for a free skate rattle.

There she is.

Miss America.

What is wrong with her?

Beer.

I didn't want to serve her, but she got surly. I didn't know Corky even drank

beer. How much has she had?

Half a glass.

Did you get her half a cup of coffee, Phil? We'll talk to her.

Okay, do you know what you're going to say?

Oh, come on, Miles. I just came along to make sure Corky was okay. I'm not

talking her into something she may not be ready to do yet.

Here you go, Corky.

Corky, honey, why don't you have some nice hot coffee, and then we'll all get

back to work.

No. I told you, Miles, I can't do it.

I'm a joke, even to the people I work with.

They don't think I'm in their league because I don't ask the tough questions.

Isn't that right, Murphy?

Oh, I'm sorry, Corky. I just noticed that photograph of Mo Udall.

Has that always been there?

Oh, come on.

You never really liked my interview with the San Diego Chicken, did you?

You don't think I asked the kind of questions you would ask, did I?

All I ever wanted was to be as good as the rest of you.

That's why this special was so important to me.

Okay,

Corky.

Look, maybe some of what you say is true.

You don't ask the tough questions.

But you've come a long way in the years that we've been working together.

I mean, when you first joined FYI, you didn't know which end of the microphone

to talk into.

But I'm telling you, when you got Nancy Reagan to do those stomach exercises on

the air, it was a unique moment in television.

And I'm sure that in the next few years you're going to come even further.

You really think that, Murphy? I really do.

Now, you can just sit there and let that reviewer keep you from doing what

you're really good at, or you can show everybody that Corky Sherwood has the

right stuff.

What do you say?

I want to, but I'm scared.

You know, we all get scared from time to time, Corky.

Take me, for instance.

I'm scared right now.

You know why?

Because if you don't get your butt off that stool and get back to work, I'll

wind up wearing a hairnet and scooping mashed potatoes in the commissary.

I have another idea.

Instead of me coming on as the last guest, why don't I go on first?

That way I'll be out there with you for the entire interview. It wouldn't hurt

to have a friend close by.

It would make me feel more comfortable.

Well, there you see. So let's do it. You know you want to, okay?

Okay. Yes.

What a brave corkala.

I've never been more proud of you than I am right now.

Thank you, Miles.

And thank you, Murphy.

I'll do my best to live up to your standards.

That was an unbelievably generous thing you just did. One word to anybody that

you saw that tender, vulnerable side of me and I'll rip out your lungs and wear

them as a hat.

Okay, coming up in five, four, three, two.

Coming live to the floor, Hugh Corky.

to Corky's Place, where some of my friends have gathered for a little food,

little tea, and a lot of good old -fashioned conversation.

And you know, at Corky's Place, you just never know who might stop by.

There's the door.

I wonder who it could be.

Murphy?

Jeez, Miles.

When you walk in, don't forget to say hi to all the party guests. I refuse to

take orders from a man in the bush. You just do it, Murphy.

It's Murphy Brown.

Hi, Murphy.

Hi.

Would you like some tea?

Oh, no, thank you.

Are you sure?

Oh, okay, I guess so.

So, Mr.

Murphy, what brings you by today?

Well, Corky, I just thought I'd wish you well on your first special.

Let's chat.

Good idea.

Now, Murphy, you've had a remarkable and often colorful career in broadcast

journalism. Yes, yes, that's true.

As a journalist, you must have many sources who provide you with privileged

information. Absolutely. The anonymous sources of critical importance to anyone

in my field.

So then, back in the days when you were a drunk, did that also mean you were

a security risk?

in your career, you were, in your own words, a major booze hound.

I was just wondering, could America trust your judgment and accuracy in

reporting information?

Corky, did I ever tell you about the first time I interviewed Henry

It was in 1973.

Were you a closet drinker, Murphy?

Did you drink alone?

A friend of mine had gotten me a pass into the White House.

I really wanted to interview Dr.

Kissinger, but the idea of it was very intimidating. After all, this was the

who said that power is the ultimate aphrodisiac.

That brings up a very interesting controversy.

Now, I know this is a touchy subject, but it's been rumored that you slept

Kissinger in order to get that interview.

Can you tell us what you remember about it?

If I understand correctly, you feel your aggressive reporting style may have to

do with the fact that you rarely have sex?

It's only a theory, Corky.

I mean, maybe I deliberately sabotage my personal relationships because I fear

losing some professional edge.

Can I just go back and clarify what I said about my father?

When I said he beat the women in his life, I meant that figuratively.

He was a strong man who, from an early age, used intimidation to get results.

Isn't it time for Mrs. Fields?

Oh, you know, you're right.

My goodness, doesn't time just fly by?

Murphy, the next time we do another Corky's Place, I hope you can drop by

visit us again.

Thank you for sharing your life, your pleasure, and your pain. Can I go now?

America, don't you touch that dial.

Corky's Place will be back with another exciting guest right after.

Oh, look, everyone.

It's our stage manager, John.

Has everyone met John?

Come on out here, John.

Okay.

I bet you can't wait to have some of Mrs. Phil's famous chocolate chip

Well, actually, she's, uh... She's not here anymore.

Has she left?

Yeah, with Gary and Mary Ann.

Well, I guess if they can't take the heat, they should just stay out of the

kitchen.

That's part of the excitement of live television, isn't it?

You just never know what's going to happen next.

We'll be back with more Murphy after this.

Oh, God.

Murphy?

Murphy, honey?

How you feeling?

Come on my show.

We'll have tea.

We'll chat.

of the show that were very touching.

Like that story you told about setting one of your mother's wigs on fire just

get her attention.

I thought I actually saw your eyes well up.

Now, listen to me, Phil. I didn't cry. You got that? She didn't make me cry.

Yeah, yeah, okay.

You go outside in the street.

Get away from me, you little vulture.

You've already picked the last pieces of flesh off my carcass. Now why don't you

just bring me here to rot?

Murphy, I'm so sorry about what happened.

I wish you knew how really, really awful I feel.

Great special, Corky. I really loved it.

Oh, thank you. I had a lot of fun doing it.

You know, Corky, I don't know how you did it, but you single -handedly

a reputation it took 42 years to build.

I used to be feared, respected.

Now, I'm an object of pity.

That's why I have to kill you, Corky.

and respect you.

I did what I thought you would have done in the same situation.

For the first time, I asked the tough questions.

I didn't back off.

And I got someone to talk about their life in a way they'd never done before.

It's an interview you would have been proud of.

I'm right, aren't I, Murphy?

Well, Corky, as I see it, there are a couple of ways I can go.

I can leave the country and try to get a job at a cable station in one of the

lesser -known Baltic states.

Or I can follow the same advice I gave you.

I can get up, dust myself off, and keep on going.

And I guess that's what I'll do.

Good for you, Murphy.

But not before I do this.

We're even.

I'll let you know when we're even.

People say Murphy Brown captured the 90s zeitgeist. What does that mean to you?

That means a lot. Look, we tapped into something. No, no, I'm sorry. The word

zeitgeist. Do you have any idea what it means?

Oh, no, no, no, no.