Original subtitles

Thank you.

Not that she doesn't deserve it.

What is going on here?

Do I know you people?

No, I don't think so.

The past few weeks, morale has never been lower.

Everybody's snap -snapping at each other.

Nobody working as a team. Miles.

We all realize there's a problem. We've had no time off.

We've been on the road, working weekends. Who asked you? Shut up, Frank!

I am well aware of the overwork problem, Jim.

But if we're going to stay competitive in ratings, that's the price we pay.

So, what is the answer?

Anyone?

Ah, so many smart people, so little talking.

Okay, I'll throw out a possible solution.

What do you think about a corporate retreat?

Oh, come on, Miles. You don't mean one of those places where people go to get

touch with their feelings and hug each other, do you?

I'm going to hug Corky. I'd rather do it here where I can get her in a good

headlock.

A corporate retreat is a valuable tool in helping us work together as a team.

I've done some investigating, and there are several excellent three -day

programs. I'm not going.

Fine.

I'm your leader, not your keeper.

You heard me out.

That's all I can ask.

Wait a minute.

He's giving up too.

easily. This is a trick, isn't it, Miles?

Oh, no trick. I can see what I'm up against.

Personally, I think the least you could do is think about a retreat.

After all, it's for the good of the show.

A show that pretty much made your careers.

A show you owe a lot to.

A show you pretty much... Thank you.

Oh, and while you're thinking about it, start packing.

We leave for a retreat in Florida Friday morning.

It was a trick. Miles Silverberg.

Executive producer.

I hate you, Miles.

You made us drive right past Disney World and you wouldn't even let us stop.

Did you see the sign?

The Van Patten family was opening at the Tomorrowland Terrace.

How many, Frank? Will you watch where you're going? Me? You're the one who

stopped. What'd you stop for?

Because we're here, you dimbo.

to the Nasuse Learning Center.

My name is Justin. I'll be your facilitator.

Miles Silverberg, executive producer, FYI. Sorry we're late. Hope we haven't

caused a problem. No, no need to apologize. There are no problems, only

opportunities.

Uh, you seem to be a person short.

Oh, look, there they are.

Yeah, there they are.

I found this one on the payphone trying to rent a helicopter.

Oh, very nice, Murphy.

I've been here for three minutes and you've already found a new way to

me. What's next, starting little fires? Well, I don't want to be here, okay? In

42 years, I've never once set foot in the state of Florida. I've always prided

myself on that.

Well, you'll be exploring a lot of new territory this weekend.

So why don't you leave your bags right here? We'll get started.

Thank you, Laura.

You're welcome, Justin.

Natsute.

It's an Indian word, right?

What's it mean? Absolutely nothing.

It's... Yes, we can, spelled backwards.

And that's our motto here. Yes, we can.

So come on, let me introduce you to the other group that's working here this

weekend.

FYI, meet Winnipeg Savings and Loan.

Trish Gorder, Vice President.

And these are my people.

Your group looks a little ragged.

If you want my advice, don't be afraid to show some leadership.

It's probably where your problem started.

Thanks.

Wow, I can't believe it's the people from FYI.

Although, I prefer to watch 60 Minutes.

I hope you don't mind my saying that.

We just completed an honesty exercise.

Good for you.

I don't mind at all, dick.

Oh, by the way, I prefer to keep my money in an old tree stump in the front

yard. It's a lot safer than an S &L.

You don't mind my saying that?

Murphy, sit.

For the benefit of our latecomers, let me explain how our program helps to

a winning team.

Day one, today, we concentrate on communication skills, the keystone to

Day two, teamwork and trust.

And Sunday, we'll put all of our skills to the ultimate test in an outdoor event

we call survival.

Please, Miles, work with us.

Shame on you, Miles.

Okay, let's get to know each other, shall we?

And what's the best way to do that? By communicating.

Communicating. Excellent.

What's the keystone to communication?

Happiness. No, efficiency.

Honesty.

Honesty. Excellent.

All right.

I'm going to throw some questions out at you now. Your individual responses will

tell a lot about yourselves, so be honest.

Okay? Here's the first one.

Would you prefer to be a member of a championship sports team... Or the

of an individual sport?

Esther. Definitely a member of a team.

I'm a people person.

I don't know what it is, but I just love people.

Good answer.

Good answer.

Corky?

Well, I think I'd like to work with underprivileged youth. The future of our

great country, indeed our world, rests in the hands of our children.

That has nothing to do with the question, Corky. Well, it worked in the

America pageant.

How about you, Ben?

I guess it would be a team sport.

My boyhood dream was to be a pro baseball player.

I was a good fielder. I just couldn't hit.

Oh, it's okay. I've pretty much given up on the dream.

Gee, why would you do that when there are so many pudgy middle -aged tellers

leaving banking to break into professional baseball?

How about you, Frank?

Miles, did you have tennis courts here? Sorry, they're being resurfaced this

week. Oh, man.

Oh, boo -hoo!

Why is he writing?

Of course.

Think about arrowheads to people who excel. We've got four. You've got death.

You're looking at one of the best teams in broadcast history.

Last year, we did an all -night live remote from the Berlin Wall that people

still talking about. Right, guys? Murphy took the best story. Jim got the most

hair. Frank spilled coffee on my notes. They ditched me in a beer hall with Mr.

Oktoberfest. You can worship Pharah.

Wear Pharah.

And welcome to day two, the teamwork and trust portion of our program.

Now, the key to successful group problem solving is utilizing our individual

skills to achieve a common goal.

Prepare now to journey across Acid River.

Now, this river is flowing with acid. Your team challenge is to cross it and

deliver world peace to all mankind who just so happen to live on that side of

the river.

Each team will be given three boards, which you'll place on the bricks to

Now, remember, the river is acid, so if the boards or any part of you touch it,

you're consumed.

Now, here's a hint.

Discuss your game plan before getting out onto the river. Okay?

That's it. Have a ball. Go save humanity.

Well, come on. We want to save humanity, don't we? We might as well. There's

nothing else to do around here. Okay, you guys follow me and keep out of my

So, we'll just connect these two bricks here with this board, and... It doesn't

reach. These boards are too short.

Excuse me!

Our boards are too short!

They're supposed to be, Corky. It's a puzzle. There's probably only one right

way to do it. Be quiet and listen. Miles, Jim, put your weight on this end

the board to support me, and then, Frank, I need that board over there. You

know, I once did a stunt like this on Battle of the Network Stars.

It should be a lot easier without a tail getting on my shoulders.

And then after this, I'm going to solve that cold fusion thing.

She's doing it! She's doing it! Was there ever any doubt? Okay, you guys

across like I did. And Frank, I need that next board.

Ladies and gentlemen, it's a beautiful day here on Acid River. And the FYI team

has broken out to an early lead.

Sherwood's got the board. She hands it off to Brown.

Brown's got it. She makes her move.

It's good.

I can't go any further. I need that first board.

I haven't come across yet.

We'll come back for you. Trust me, I know what I'm doing.

All right. First board coming through.

Hey, thinkers.

Way down upon the acid river.

Morgan, heads up. First board. First board. First board.

Thank you very much, Miles.

And so I'm stuck.

What are you doing? Are you leaving me here? Goodbye, Miles. We'll build a

statue in your honor.

I'll just stay here on the shore.

Maybe build a little beach resort.

Acid River Pines. See if I ever let you in.

Yes, we can.

Yes, we can.

Yes, we can.

Sparky, this board is really heavy. I need some help. Come over here and give

a hand.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait a minute. If I step off this board, Frank

will fall in. So let him go. It's not like we need him anymore.

Let him go?

Into the acid?

Tim, Corky, don't listen to her.

Look into my eyes. She's evil. I want to live.

man i died in florida what a cliche excuse

me do you have a reservation how the hell does this go i

can't reach that next break it can't be that hard hurry murphy figure it out we

don't have much time oh no they're gaining on us she better think it's

jim the bakers are almost up to us stop screaming corky

Let's save the world, shall we? Hey, hey, hey, where do you think you're

I figured out the last word. I should go first.

Yes, I know, but I'm senior anchor. That means nothing on the river, Jim. Step

back. I'm saving you, man. No, no, see here. You're stepping on me.

Wait. No, don't.

I was this far from saving humanity.

Nice going, Jim. I can't hear you. My flesh is being consumed by acid.

awake we need to talk yes what it's me murphy oh judas priest murphy you know

women aren't allowed in the men's bunkhouse and who's that with you oh

sure you men want us to look beautiful but you don't want to know how we get

there what are we doing here it's after midnight we can't stand it anymore miles

we were just in the ladies room and there was a message written on the

lipstick it said bankers rule

stop staring at me, Frank? I can't help you. You look like E .T.

This is so humiliating. We're being whipped by a bunch of Canadian bankers.

So we were thinking, what if instead of being petty and immature and selfish, we

actually tried to win a survival test tomorrow?

All right. I knew you'd come around.

We could be a team again.

Yes. We'll kick their little banker butts up and down the stick.

I hate to be the voice of doom here, but the survival test is supposed to

encompass everything we've learned in the past two days, and we haven't

anything. The only way we could win this thing is by... Well, it's by cheating,

and we don't want to do that.

I mean, we wouldn't want to get hold of the survival course map or anything.

That would be wrong.

Why?

Because that's not why we're here.

We're here to reestablish our working skills. It's important we do it

Back me up on this, Jim. I want to cheat. Oh, this is unbelievable.

This is not behavior befitting people of your stature and intelligence.

The lipstick on the mirror, it was peach -colored.

Trish.

She also did a little drawing of you with your pants down, Miles.

You wouldn't be flattered.

All those in favor of cheating, say aye. Aye.

Justin's office. The map has to be in here.

It's locked.

It's a sure sign of an amateur.

This lock is the Citadel 350, the same as they have at the Watergate. Remember

that piece I did recreating the break -in? We are as good as in.

Quirky?

Stay back and let the man work.

A lock is like a woman.

She guards her secrets closely, but if you touch her in just the right way...

Voila!

Good job, Frank. Are you going to light up a cigarette now, or can we just go

home?

Laura from security.

Let's knock her out. No, wait. I think I can distract her. Okay, Corky, go

ahead.

Oh, hi.

Laura, isn't it?

That's right.

Tad late to be up roaming, wouldn't you say?

I suppose, but I couldn't sleep.

I was thinking about my husband back home.

Is there someone special in your life, Laura?

No.

Justin?

How did you know?

Just a good reporter's instinct, I guess.

You know, sometimes men can be so dense, can't they?

It always helps me to talk about it with a girlfriend over a nice cup of cocoa.

Gee, I bet you could get us into the kitchen.

Why, I could.

You have no idea what it's like working beside him. It's like he doesn't know

I'm alive.

Can't you see there's a woman under here?

Let's find that map. Murphy, you take the computer. Jim, you take the files.

Frank, bookshelves. It's 0200 hours. Let's be out of here by pretty soon.

I just see the headline.

America's most trusted anchorman caught breaking and entering. Brokaw would have

a field day.

Hello, guys. Guess what I found. A file marked survival.

Riddler, Riddler, Trish is coming.

Let's knock her out. No, why?

Yes, yes, that's right. I strongly advise against it.

May I help you?

I was walking the ground.

Tom pounding the interest on an annuity, and I saw the lights on. Yes, but...

Yes, Mr. Press... Sir, I'm still here.

Well, since you've asked my advice, I would call a press conference as soon as

possible. You cannot ignore such a radical drop in the polls.

The press can be very helpful if you make a gesture to establish dialogue.

Sir, you flatter me.

Just trying to be of assistance.

I bet you, Barbara.

President of the United States.

Then, you must understand this is a very private matter. I didn't expect to be

interrupted. Oh, I'm so sorry. I won't say a word to anyone.

I'm a very discreet person, really.

I once did it in the vault with a branch manager and no one ever found out.

Your secret is safe with me.

Oh, thank you.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to return a call to the Secretary of

America's most trusted anchorman.

Yes. I could have made that woman believe anything. God, the power.

Somebody else come through that door.

You all get to hurry up.

Bar's going off duty in five minutes, and I just saw the new security guard in

the parking lot. Five minutes. Murphy, open that file. Let's get a look at that

map. I can't. The file's been protected. Justin must have a password to access

it. Oh, right. We're dead. That password could be anything. It could take days

to figure it out. We don't have days. Try it in the zoo state. Or jump it.

Nope.

Nothing. We'll never solve this with random guessing. You're right. You're

right. You're right.

Passwords are never random. There's always a logic. Now, come on. We're

professionals in uncovering information.

Think. What would this Justin guy choose as a password? We have to get into his

head. Right, right. Okay.

We know he's into power.

What about a personal hero or somebody like JFK or FDR?

Not likely. Look at the photograph he's got up there all of himself.

Maybe a favorite author.

Hemingway. Melville.

No. No way. Look at these books. He's never read them. The spines aren't even

bent. They're clearly bought for show.

Look at this place.

so clean and tidy.

He's got three different desk organizers. He won't let a rubber band

paper clip. Anal retentive little twerp. His mother rushes his toilet training

and 30 years later we have to suffer.

Would it be?

Mother.

Nope. Maybe mom.

Nothing. How about her birthday?

I'll check her date book. Hurry.

What a team!

FYI!

FYI!

FYI!

FYI! Okay,

people. Today we give you the final event.

Yep, the final event. The survival test. Bring it on, Justin. We are ready.

This is my favorite part of the job.

People, we are not doing the survival test.

What do you mean?

What I mean is that a necessary part of your training is dealing with a sudden

change of plans. I mean, let's face it, life's unpredictable, right?

Not necessarily.

Why, just last Tuesday, things turned out exactly as I planned them.

Don't be afraid, Murphy.

Fear's an energy waster. And you're going to need all yours for the five

obstacle relay.

Each obstacle is designed to push to the limits your team's skills.

And as an added challenge, half your team will be blindfolded, the other half

gagged.

So, come on, everybody. Climb aboard the bus. We'll take you on down to the

course.

Boy, this is a dilemma.

If I'm blindfolded, I won't be able to see you lose.

And if I'm gagged, I won't be able to laugh.

You want me so bad, you can taste it.

No.

Okay, guys. Guys, we can still beat them.

The old lady with the bifocals looks kind of slow. I'm pretty sure I could

her.

Guys, what are we doing here?

This is hopeless.

I think it's time for an executive decision.

Justin. Come on, FYI, you're holding up the group.

Yeah, well, actually, Justin, we've decided to take a pass on the relay

So if you would just have the bus drop us off at Disney World, that's how we'd

like to spend the rest of our day.

Okay, okay.

I've been patient with you because you're TV people.

But I've had it.

You stink.

Your communication skills, your teamwork, everything. You are the

excuse for a team I have ever seen.

Oh, yeah?

Well, this team broke into your office last night and stole the map to the

survival test.

How's that for teamwork?

I don't believe it.

That office is private.

There's a little sign on the door that says so.

Really? Then what's this?

I don't believe it.

You invaded my private space. You opened my drawers. You touched my things.

This is the most immature display I've ever seen. And you feel good about

yourselves? No, we feel small and cheap. We don't deserve to be here. So if

you'll just arrange a meaningful interaction between us and your bus

we'll be on our way. Oh, no, you don't. No, you don't. No, I'm sorry. You do not

get to manipulate our day. We have a program. We have a schedule.

We... Hello,

Justin. The bus is gassed up and ready to go.

Laura!

What a lovely keychain!

May I see it?

Sure.