Original subtitles

I know something about love.

God, I want it bad.

If that guy's right into your blood, go out and get him.

If you want it to be the very thought of you, make him want to

breathe, give that thing to you. Tell him that you're never gonna leave him.

Tell him that you're gonna love him.

Friend, can you show me what I got on that Newt Gingrich? profile so far. This

story's gonna kill me.

You really didn't need to bring me all the way up, little honey. I told you

no trouble. What a man.

Pipple pleasure is walking his wife to work.

Morning, Corky. And who have we here?

I haven't seen you since you were chugging a bottle of champagne and

pull your wife's garter off over her head.

Yeah, that was quite a night.

Sorry I haven't seen you for a while, Murphy. I've been working pretty hard on

my novel.

Of course, I'm not as far along as some people would like, but I am making

progress. Yes.

Well, it's finally decided what his novel is about.

It's the story of a young Dutch boy caught between warring factions during

American Revolution.

Gee.

Well, I can see y 'all are pretty busy here, so I don't want to keep you from

your work, sweetheart.

See you later, Murphy.

So long, Will.

What time are you going to be home tonight?

Well, I don't know. I still have to pick up Amy. All right, then I'll just see

you sometime.

Whoa -ho!

Hose him down, please.

You're getting in a little late this morning, Corky.

But I guess we can make allowances for newlyweds.

After all, newlyweds sometimes have all the things on their newlywetted mind.

Boy, I really got to run. A lot of paper to fill up. It's really good to see all

of you take care.

I just have to stop by my office, Miles. I'll be right back for the meeting.

Oh, did you see that?

You could cut the tension with a knife. We're talking big trouble at Sherwood

Forest. Oh, come on. You're being ridiculous. We're all over each other.

Will and Corky's marriage has big problems.

How could you stand there and watch what I watched and not come to that

conclusion? Wait a minute. I think I can straighten this out.

Murph, I know it's been a while, but when two people kiss, that's a good

Sorry to keep everyone waiting, but the sun was coming through the frost on my

window and made such a beautiful rainbow on my wall.

I just had to take a moment to enjoy it.

Well, since Corky's in such a positive, upbeat mood, why don't we let her start

the meeting?

Next week, I leave to Japan for my piece on Tokyo's new Disneyland.

I want to explore Walt Disney's timeless characters and the universal appeal of

the happiest place on Earth.

Forky, are you all right?

Okay, so, uh, Jim, you have anything new to report?

Well, let's see.

They're serving eggplant in the cafeteria. Oh, really?

Oh, come on, guys.

A woman's crying here.

How come men go stupid when that happens?

Come on, Corky. Let's go to my office and talk.

I have no real interest in other people's problems.

I could give good advice if I wanted to, and to prove it, I'm going to help you

through this.

Now, let's see.

Where to start?

Ah, so, what's wrong?

I don't know.

It just seems that all that Will and I do anymore is fight.

I see.

What we need to do, then, is look at the problem in an analytical, unemotional

way, like any good journalist.

Marriage trouble.

Trouble in a marriage.

What is a marriage?

Two people living in one house, joined for life.

Trapped, really.

The same man, always there, crowding you.

Me? That's not how it is at all.

It's just that we become stuck in a routine.

We need to find a romance again.

you need to find the romance again you're right when i get home from work

want to do is have some time to myself will disappears into the den with his

writing we don't do anything together we need to do something fun something we

both can enjoy absolutely enjoyment that's the key but

anyone or they'll all come looking for advice.

There's so much to do and not a lot of time.

Let's see. I leave for Japan on Tuesday, but if I finish my research over the

weekend, I can cook and shop on Monday and fit it in on Monday night. This is

perfect. Everyone, you're all coming to my house for dinner Monday night.

Jim, bring Dora.

Miles, bring Audrey.

Frank, you're going to have to miss football.

Monday night? But the Raiders are playing the Lions. I know. This is short

notice. Murphy says it'll save my marriage.

Oh, I...

Greetings,

Will, my good man. There was no mistaking our destination. We could

delicious roast all the way down the hall.

Are we early? We can sit in the car.

Oh, no, no, no, no. Please, please, come in. I guess I lost track of time.

Corky's not here yet.

Looks like she's running a little late, as usual.

Look, I know this is very rude, but I'm right in the middle of a very difficult

paragraph. Oh, please. I'll be with you all in a minute, huh?

Suppose I should put these in a vase.

Looking for something, James?

No, no. What makes you say that?

You are looking for the silver fruit bowl we gave Corky for a wedding

I am not.

That would be gauche.

Well, hello, Frank.

Yes, hello.

And, uh, welcome.

Oh, safety's blitzing. Get rid of the ball. Get rid of it.

Oh, man, why don't you just hand it to him?

If you're wondering, Will is in the den writing, and Corky isn't home yet, but

she should be along soon.

There's some open wine if you care for any. A pleasant little chardonnay. No,

thanks. Is there any tips around? I missed lunch today.

There don't appear to be any hors d 'oeuvres.

Excuse me while I fill this with water.

I'll go with you.

Maybe our bowl is in the kitchen.

Hey there, Franco. Hello, Frank.

Welcome to Den Riding. Corky's not home yet. Be along soon. Wine's open.

Pleasant Chardonnay.

Oh, Miles.

How are you?

Oh, my.

Look at this place.

So much more of a home now that it's filled with a couple's love.

Not like my place.

Or Miles' place.

Or a two -step place.

Gee, I don't know, Audrey.

It seems to me two people should really get to know each other before they move

in together.

Oh, look, this must be Will's corner with all his things just shoved into it.

Yeah, I think a year, maybe five, would be a good length of time.

Jim?

Doris?

Who's to say?

Time is so relative.

What is time?

What time is it now?

I'll go and take a wrap. Yes.

Hi, guys. Where's Will and Corky? There's no one around and there's

eat.

Oh, well, Corky's probably running late and sounds like Will's working.

But that roast smells like it's doing just great.

I'm sure that the happy couple will be along any minute and an evening of joy

and merriment will ensue.

I don't know about you guys, but I am starving.

They've got to have some cornflakes or something in the kitchen. Call me when

the commercial's over.

I understand you had a lot to do with this party, Murphy.

I found some trail mix on top of the fridge. It's not bad.

That's a goal.

I killed Captain Sterling Silverball from Tiffany as a receptacle for trail

Oh, dear, no.

At least it's food.

God knows when we're going to get fed around here.

Anybody want some?

No, thanks. I have complete faith my plan will work, so I'm saving room for a

delicious meal made with warmth and love.

Not to worry. We only just got here ourselves moments ago.

Where's Will? He should be entertaining all of you.

And what's the cat food doing out here?

Will!

Where have you been, Corky?

Well, I got hung up at work, and by the time I got to the market, it was packed.

Well, I thought you would have called.

Well, sweetheart, I couldn't find one of those phones so conveniently located

next to the checkout line.

But you're here now, and we're all together. So what do you say we bring

some of those hors d 'oeuvres?

You didn't put out the canapes?

No, you are hors d 'oeuvres in first course. I am roast and dessert.

But we switched hors d 'oeuvres and dessert this morning, remember?

Corky, I told you, if you talk to me while I'm writing, I don't hear it. Hey,

have an idea. Why don't the two of you go into the kitchen and start dinner

together?

Doesn't that sound like a fun activity to share?

I'm sorry I was late.

It's not your fault. You were working.

Okay. Go ahead.

Come on, honey. Let's go cook.

lousy game.

When am I ever going to learn? Do you realize how many Monday nights I have

wasted watching football?

I'm switching to something else.

Is gun smoke still on?

Murphy, I guess you're not satisfied with giving bad parties at your house.

I had to branch out into other people's homes.

I'm starving, too, but I don't want anybody saying anything negative to Will

Corky. As far as you're all concerned, we're having the time of our lives.

Oh, okay.

Oh,

the first course, shrimp Dijonais, as only my beautiful wife can make it. I

we haven't kept you waiting too long.

Oh, is it time to eat already?

While we've just been having the most interesting conversation, we lost all

track of time.

Miles was telling us about this recurring dream he has in which Herman

is chasing him across the Alexanderplatz in Berlin, waving a 70 -year chocolate

cake and shouting, Come to the party!

Miles wakes up screaming and is unable to sleep for the rest of the night.

Of course, none of this would happen if you had a woman around to help you.

This is nothing on my plate. It's a nouvelle cuisine, Frank.

Well, I'll get the roast. I hope you're all hungry.

I'll help you bring it out, sweetheart.

Jim, I'll give you five bucks for your shrimp. Go away, Frank.

Voila.

All right, yeah.

Now,

before we jump into this beautiful dinner, I say we take a moment to admire

which Will and Corky have made together in love and companionship. And may I

just remind everyone once again, this was my idea.

All right.

Now I'd like to hand over my utensils to a man who my wife assures me is a

master carver.

Jim, would you do the honors?

Of course.

I'll do my best, but I normally use a good tungsten blade. These electric

are the silliest contraptions ever invented.

Miles gave it to us as a wedding gift.

That's right. I was going to get them a $300 cat bowl, but you'd already taken

care of that.

It's frozen solid.

Well, did you defrost the meat before you put it in the oven?

who should be handling this.

Will, could I speak to you for a moment in the den?

Oh, Stuart, run off and leave us here to die! It's ten o 'clock and all we've

had so far is a shrimp, a pea, and cat kibble!

Isn't it a party?

It's hell!

There you are. I've been trying to call your house for over an hour.

I wanted to apologize for yelling the way I did.

I think low blood sugar and... PMS, all convergent.

Corky, why do you have your pillow?

Oh, Murphy.

Will walked out.

But then he came back because he didn't have enough money for the hotel, so I

left. But I'm afraid to check into a hotel without luggage.

Okay. I have an announcement to make. I, Murphy Brown, don't know anything about

relationships. You were right. I stink at this. So don't ask me any hard

questions because God knows what could happen.

empty, you couldn't even cry anymore?

Corky, that's a question. I told you, I'm not the best.

I'm scared.

Okay, let's talk.

It was all going to be so perfect.

Me and Will, breaking all the rules.

I'd have this great career, and I'd support us while he wrote his novel.

Well, it's not exactly going the way we planned.

We're two separate people living two separate lives.

We even have separate bank accounts because he's too proud to take any of my

money.

It's our money, Murphy. Why does he have such a hard time with that?

Oh, right.

You don't know.

Right.

My mother always told me I could have everything I ever wanted.

Wonderful career, the perfect marriage, a house full of children.

But who's going to be their mother when I'm at the office until nine every

night? And how am I going to be there for Will every time he needs me to tell

him he's a brilliant writer?

I think my mother was wrong.

But you figured this out already, didn't you?

Right.

Eldon. Oh, look.

It's me.

It probably looks like I was eavesdropping, but that's not what it

So what, are you having mental problems, huh?

Eldon, you have to go. They're having a midnight madness sale at Ed's Paints.

You get a free painter's cap with every purchase. So bye.

No, no, no.

I must speak my mind on this or I'll regret it until the day I die.

It's all right, Murphy.

I want to hear him.

Oh.

Forgive me for saying this, but I don't think you're considering the guy's point

of view here. Oh, great. Here we go.

First of all, we come into this world where everybody says, ah, it's a boy.

Now let's start teaching him about winning, money.

Power. And make sure he learns how to laugh like this.

So, you give it a shot.

But you find that it's not working for you because you realize that deep down

inside, you're an artist.

And all you really want to do is paint or write.

But you don't have the courage to take the leap until you meet

her.

And she gives you that courage.

And you love her for it.

And you want to give her the world.

But you can't even afford a simple greeting card because now you're an

And she's this big, successful career woman.

And, you know, what does she need you for?

Or maybe she doesn't. And that, that is your worst fear.

Because all you really want is for her to think that you're great.

That's all I have to say.

Bill never said these things to me.

Well, nobody talks anymore. You have to talk.

Oh, when?

I fly to Tokyo tomorrow.

I'm going to be there for two weeks.

Berkey, on behalf of those of us who long ago gave up trying to have it all,

do me a favor, okay?

Don't give up trying to have it all.

Maybe one of us can buck the system.

Murphy, do you think that Miles will be very upset if I don't go to Tokyo?

You just leave Miles to me.

That seems to be the one relationship with a man I can handle.

This is so hard.

I don't know what's going to happen.

I liked your story, Eldon.

That was a really beautiful thing you did.

Yeah, I'm a beautiful guy.

You know, she belongs with him.

Look at her with those skinny little arms.

I mean, you just know she can't bowl.

Eldon, it's been a few years, but if you want to knock down a few pins, I'd be

willing.

Okay.

Okay, but I keep score because I'm the man and that's what men do.

Okay.

You keep score in bowling and I'll keep score in life because that's what women

do. I'll tell you what you know.

I'll tell you what women do. They buy shelf paper, and then they put it all

everything. You know, I never understood the point of that.

Oh, yeah? Well, a man can read an entire newspaper in the bathroom and sort

through a week's mail. He could have a pizza delivered in there. He'd never

leave.