Original subtitles

I gotta get a little closer.

It seems as though the gunman has just sent a message to the police department

chief negotiating officer. Officer Spice, can you tell us anything about

safety of the seven hostages? Well, they're okay, but the gunman won't

anyone unless he can make a statement to the meeting. I've got a clue. I can go

in. Now, wait a minute. You don't know what's going on here. Dan, stay close.

Let's go.

Gunman, we have a reporter going in.

Release all the hostages and you will not be hurt.

That was one of the bravest things I've ever seen.

Hey, come on. It was no big deal. I saw what I had to do, and I did it. If you

want to call that bravery.

I was on the edge of my seat. All I kept thinking was, what if something happens

to him? I could never forgive myself, knowing that the last thing I said to

was, some people shouldn't wear bicycle pants in public.

I never thought you'd surpass the courage you showed when you penetrated

Afghan border past five armed sentries, but this...

I'm so damn proud of you, you crazy son of a gun. I mean, come on, guys. You're

embarrassing me. This was nothing. And it was eight centuries ago. Are you guys

through yet? I hear Frank's needed back on Krypton.

Oh, Murphy's jealous.

I'm going to make TV guides most watchable.

The heart of a lion and nerves of steel.

Hey, Frank.

Security just called. Your parents are on their way up. What?

My parents?

Here? In the building?

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. What's today?

Thursday. No, no, no.

Today's date. The 16th. Good Lord, Frank. What's the matter? How can I do

How can I forget?

Oh, thank you, God. He remembers who we are.

Too bad you didn't remember to pick us up at the airport.

We waited two and a half hours, Frankie.

Gee, Frankie, that's terrible. Did you forget they were coming?

Forget? Of course not. How could I forget?

I sent the limo. You mean he didn't show up? We had to take a cab.

Thirty dollars.

Plus another two dollars for the luggage, which he didn't even help us

Then he wanted a tip. I said, I'll give you a tip. Next time, help with the

luggage. There's your tip. You got a tip now.

And the next thing I know, they're screaming at each other. Your father

have had a heart attack. Then what?

I'd be standing there with her husband, dead on the sidewalk.

Try to get a skycap to pick up a dead man.

I am furious about this. I'm going to call that limo company right now.

Frank, Frank, where are your manners? You haven't introduced us.

Dominic, Rose, this is Murphy.

Murphy, take care of the rest.

Boy, am I mad.

Well, I just love seeing Frank so excited.

As he said, I'm Murphy Brown, and this is Jim Dial, Corky Sherwood, and our

producer, Miles Silverberg. Pleasure.

Why don't you come right over here and make yourselves comfortable?

This is our conference table where we come up with many of the exciting

you see on the show every week. Well, we don't watch the show that much.

Wednesdays are canastonite.

Well, at least now we get to see each other face to face. I can't believe it's

taken this many years.

You know?

You're very pretty in person.

Oh, thank you.

I wonder why your face looks so round on TV.

Can't they do something about that?

So, Mr.

and Mrs.

Fontana, tell us, what brings you to Washington?

He didn't tell you?

Frankie's throwing us a big 50th anniversary party. We got relatives

from all over the country. He didn't tell you? Of course he told us. Miles

out that day of upper respiratory ailment.

It's going around.

It can kill you.

But I wanted to say, kudos to you both. Fifty years is quite an achievement. You

must be proud.

Not really.

We're Catholic.

We get married.

We have kids.

We get old.

And we die.

Why don't I go get Frank? Let me.

He's in my office.

booked. You have 800 rooms.

Get off the phone, Frank. Your mother just told me I was fat. Just keep him

for a few more minutes.

No, I need a room right now.

I just want to know one thing, Frank. How does a guy arrange his parents' 50th

anniversary and then forget to pick them up at the airport?

Easy. You forget the party, too.

Hello. Marquise, I need a room.

You forgot the party? Oh, nice going, Frank. That's really great. What are you

going to do now? I bet you don't know what you're going to do now.

Will you stop it? I thought it was next month.

September, October, anybody could mix them up. They both end in ber.

We have several Jewish people living in our complex.

They seem very nice.

Really?

Frank, here are your parents.

Far be it from me to monopolize their time, even though I'd love hearing more

about your father's prostate problem.

Nice meeting you. Bye.

And the next time I order a limousine, I expect it to be there.

Francis, we're dehydrated from the flight. We want to go to the hotel now.

They want to go to the hotel, Frank. The hotel.

Right. Well, about the hotel, you know, we don't get to see each other that

often. I thought it might be nice if you stayed with me. You said you'd give us

a big fancy hotel room for our 50th. I know, I know, but I really want to spend

some quality time with you. Oh, Frank, what a lovely gesture.

All right, if that's what he wants.

Great. So, off we go to my place, just the three of us, alone.

Together. Just us.

Murphy, why don't you come too? We could all have dinner together.

Oh, Frank, I'd love to, but it's my Weight Watchers night.

Enjoy. Hi,

La Cucina.

I need a reservation tomorrow night.

Around 8 o 'clock.

40 people.

50th anniversary in a place that has a condom machine in the ladies' room.

You know, not one of my family has made it to their 50th.

It's always the men.

60, 65 tops, then they're gone.

Look at me.

Cottage cheese, fruit salad, daily exercise.

Who am I kidding? Can't fight genetics.

Phil, a plate of onion rings.

Coming right up.

How about something for you, Frank? You look a little peaky.

That is just like you, Phil. Never too busy to be concerned about one of your

regulars. It's that kind of sensitivity that keeps us all coming back here.

Because Phil's is not just a bar. It's a home.

I love it, and I love you, Phil.

Couldn't find a place for your party, could you, Frank?

People think they can just take me for granted. Well, I'm not a doormat, Frank.

I have feelings.

I know. I apologize. I'm sorry.

Okay. I forgive you. So tomorrow night, 8 o 'clock? I'm booked.

The German embassy's having a reunification party.

Excuse me. I have to go by lederhosen.

I can't fit 40 people into my condo. Besides, I still don't have a door for

bathroom. Although a private home would be a good idea.

It's got to be a place.

Something elegant, impressive, special.

Don't give me that face, Frank. If it didn't work on that Romanian gymnast, it

sure as hell isn't going to work on me.

Some of the neighbors had a hard time with it, but we told them, as long as

Holy Father says you shouldn't blame the Jews anymore, that should be good

enough for you.

Frank,

there you are.

When you left your parents in my office four hours ago, I thought you said you'd

be back in a few minutes. I must have misunderstood you. I had to do a follow

-up on a lead.

So, did you have fun? Oh, we had a wonderful time.

First I showed them the studio, then the executive lounge, the emergency

generator, the air conditioning system, and of course my personal favorite, the

janitor's stockroom.

Sit down.

Brett, have something to eat. I'll get menus.

You need water. And breath mints.

I forgot to hire the photographer. Oh, Francis.

No, it's not the photographer. It's about the restaurant.

I'm not doing it.

You forgot the restaurant?

Don't be silly. How could he forget the restaurant?

I forgot the restaurant.

Oh, my God.

Forty relatives.

Grandma Fontana. How could you? How could you?

Did you say something, Murphy?

He didn't forget. He just didn't think a restaurant was special enough for the

occasion. So I offered my townhouse.

Feel free to say no if you don't like the idea. Are you kidding? They love it.

Surprise!

Okay, your kitchen cabinets are done.

Thanks, Eldon.

I think you'd be pretty pleased.

I've been parading around here all day on the slightest pretext that you

said word one about the new me. Ellen, I don't have time for... Your face.

It's naked.

Eureka. What do you think? I mean, it was a pretty momentous decision. I've

that beard since I was 12.

I'm not sure. I think I like it.

Well, then perhaps I should ask someone else.

Maybe, uh...

One of your colleagues? Will any of them be here to help celebrate the happy

occasion? When are you going to give it up, Eldon? Corky's married. I wasn't

talking about her. Yes, I was.

I'm incredibly depressed now.

I've mailed her the whiskers.

God, Eldon, get a grip.

I've got two hours before the party. I'm going to go upstairs and soak in a nice

hot bubble bath.

It's Frank's caterer.

Mr. and Mrs. Fontana, what are you doing here?

I told you we were early. I know, but there's usually lots of traffic. I

to make sure we left in plenty of time.

Yeah, this place looks bigger than home and garden.

Well, now that we're all here, why don't we sit down and spend a little time

together before the big shindig?

Tell you what, why don't you two go inside, sit down, and make yourselves

comfortable? I've just got to talk to Frank.

Rose, there's no one here.

I'm going to loosen my pants for a minute.

What the hell do you think you're doing, Frank? You can't just keep dumping your

parents on innocent people because you don't feel like dealing with them. Luke,

just keep your voice down, okay?

Look, Murph, I know I trapped you into this, but I've got a really good feeling

about tonight.

I think this is going to be an evening we'll be talking about for a long time

come.

Howdy, partners.

Uncle Wiggly Piggly's Authentic Texas Barbecue, here to make your party a real

humbanger. Where do you want the ribs?

Yes, I know it's late, but it's important that I speak with the senator.

Of course I'll hold.

So, after they cracked open my chest, they took a vein from the inside of my

thigh. It's an fascinating story, Uncle Sal, and I can't wait to hear how it

turns out, but you know the rules. No one's allowed past the chairs. I'll be

back out in a few minutes, so remember where we left off.

Vein in the thigh.

You've been on that phone for 45 minutes, Frank. Get off. It's now. Get

off. Get off. Look, Murphy, I'm a reporter. When a path -breaking story

up, I've got to go with it.

Senator Holden, Frank Fontana, yeah, I was in the press gallery last week when

you proposed a national gingivitis prevention week.

I think there's a big story in that for FYI. Oh, this is unbelievable.

That's it, Teresa. No more cigarettes.

Oh, listen, we had a small brush fry, but it's out now.

Francis, give her $25 for a new azalea bush.

I could come over right now.

Just forget it, all right? Just forget it.

So, Mom, you having a good time?

There's no piano.

A large house like this, you'd think there'd be a piano so people could

You're in luck. Uncle Carmine said if he can get the corn out of his teeth,

he'll play his harmonica.

That's not good enough, Murph. If my mom wants to dance on her anniversary, I'm

not going to disappoint her. Where are you going, Frank?

To find a band.

Murphy! Murphy, it's starting to rain and people are asking if they can come

inside.

I don't see any rain.

It's not rain, it's mist.

What are you trying to do, start a panic?

Geez, Jim, if you were going to stir up trouble, why didn't you come?

That's it, people!

We're going in!

Don't try to stop us, Murphy!

Wait, wait, wait! Take your cord and then outside!

Yes, we got the tape.

Oh. Wet towels, anyone?

Wet towels?

Last call on dry clothing. I'm running low on blouses here.

You got something in a blue?

These earth tones don't do anything for me.

I had one thing in a blue, but it was my bathrobe, and Uncle Sal got it.

I bought you a wet nap.

And a slight residue of, uh, barbecue sauce on your lip. Oh, how embarrassing.

Thank you, Elton.

So, you haven't said anything about my new look?

Oh, it's very nice, Eldon. But in the future, I'd appreciate it if you didn't

send me hair through the mail.

We have a lot of white furniture.

White furniture?

We live in two different worlds.

Excuse me, Murphy?

I'm out of Donna Karan, I'm out of Ralph Lauren, and I don't have anything in an

incline that'll fit you.

wanted to say how happy we are that you and Frank are giving this party

together. Some of us were beginning to wonder about Frank. You know, 40, still

single. Oh, you can stop wondering. Frank is gay.

Frank, how nice of you to stop by.

Merp, I came this close, this close to getting the harpsichordist at the

Sheraton Hotel. I could kill you right now, Frank. I could kill you and then

a sandwich and then go to bed and not even think about it because I have had

Frank. I have really, really had it.

Frankie, have you tasted the coffee?

It's like dishwater. I mean, it's such a shame to finish up the evening with

weak coffee. It's all anyone will remember.

I'm sorry. I should have checked that out earlier.

Mom, Pop, it's time for the cake.

Frankie, come on. You've got to make the toast. And try to talk loud so everyone

can hear you. In a minute.

I'd better go buy some coffee. Stop it, Frank.

Stop it right now.

You can't do this.

You can't keep running away.

I'm not going to walk in that room and make a toast.

I don't have a single positive thing to say about those people.

Everything out of their mouths is depressing. Nothing is ever good enough.

All my life, I just wanted to make things better for them, but I couldn't.

They make me crazy.

Oh, geez, Frank.

Look, this isn't exactly my area, but what do you want? They're your parents.

Don't expect them to change because they're not going to.

You've just got to put up with them until one day you become them and your

children are telling their friends how crazy you are.

Hey, how about that toast?

I can't do it, Murph.

You know, Frank, after seeing you do all those heroic things on camera, I would

have thought you'd be braver than this.

You really faked me out.

Maybe I faked us all out.

Frank isn't going to be able to give the toast tonight because he left his

wallet at the 7 -Eleven.

Really?

But he did have a speech prepared and he asked me to give it.

milk and cookies and our little dog, Chipper.

What the hell is she talking about? We never had a dog.

Murphy?

Murphy, it's okay. I'll take over from here.

Okay, let's see.

Our family's never been...

talking about feelings and emotions.

But this is your 50th anniversary.

So, happy anniversary, Mom and Pop.

That's it?

That's the toast?

At least in hers we had a dog.

No, no, no. That's just the opening. What I really wanted to

say...

That's all there is.

There, I have something else to add to your list of complaints.

What is he talking about?

We never complain. Of course you do.

Don't they?

Oh, come on.

I sent them to Italy on a vacation. All I heard was that it was a lousy flight

and there were too many pigeons.

I bought them a condo in Florida. Florida's too humid and the golf course

always crowded.

He's talking crazy.

The trip to Italy was very nice.

And the condo was fine.

We could use one more bathroom, but... See, you're doing it again. That's what

I'm talking about. That?

What's that?

That's not a complaint.

It's an observation.

Look, all I'm saying is I just wanted to make you happy.

Well, of course we're happy.

We have seven wonderful children. We have our health.

I mean, a person's got to be crazy not to be happy.

Why can't you ever say it?

You've got to be careful.

God thinks you're too happy, he punishes you.

Francis, Francis, you have to try to understand who we are.

We're simple people.

Tell him about last Thursday.

Oh, yeah.

I found four golf balls on the course, and they were all in good shape. Oh, it

was a great day.

And that's, that's all I need, Frankie.

That's it?

That's all it takes to make you happy.

Yeah. I wish you would have told me that $70 ,000 ago.

Well, I don't know about the rest of you, but I know I've certainly learned a

lot tonight. I'm sure we all want to go home and spend some time alone absorbing

it.

She's right. Come on, Frankie. Finish the toast, and we'll cut the cake.

Francis, make us proud.

Like you always do.

this evening together and I hope we can have another 50 years to get to know

each other even better mom happy

anniversary you are two remarkable people

and we love

you too We love all of you. Now, let's have some of that wonderful cake.

Make a wish, Dominic. I wish this cake were chocolate.