Original subtitles

What is the First Amendment?

The right to bear arms, I think.

Couldn't tell you.

All men be created equal.

Freedom of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

No idea.

I got you. I really don't know.

To be good to each other, I really don't know it. No, so not killed.

What's the First Amendment?

Freedom of speech.

Free speech.

Freedom of speech.

Freedom of speech.

Freedom of speech.

Well, I don't know exactly when I'll be home, Will, honey. I just got here a

half hour ago.

So did you finish writing the first chapter of your novel yet?

You went out and bought typing paper?

Oh, Will, sweetheart, you're a real writer now.

Oh, I miss you too.

Maybe I can come home for lunch again and we can... Wait a minute.

I hear breathing.

Frank!

You mean I'm not on hold at the Library of Congress?

I'm sorry?

Hello,

I'm Murphy Brown. You must be my new secretary.

Here's Brown.

I know you've had a lot of trouble with Secretary, but all that ends today.

I know how hard you work, and you deserve someone who really knows how to

care of you. So I've prioritized your phone calls, reorganized your workday,

I took the liberty of scheduling a massage for you at 5.

Wow.

Thank you.

You know, I have a very good feeling about this. If you don't have plans,

I could take you to lunch and we could get this relationship off to a good

start. There she is.

Sorry about this. Last week you found her in a cockpit of Jealous Airport,

waiting for clearance.

Does this mean lunch is off?

Good morning, everyone.

Great show last night. Miles, good, you're here. Let's sit down and start

meeting. Come on, sit and start, sit and start.

Why is it whenever somebody's got a story idea, somebody always forgets

somebody's manners?

David, Miles, I've got a hot story we need to move fast.

I want to interview Tony Rocket.

Tony Rocket? The stand -up comic, the King of Shock? And constitutional

landmine. Look at this morning's paper. Three states passed legislation barring

the sales of his albums.

I'm not sure about this one, Murphy. The guy's pretty offensive.

He bashes the handicapped, gays, Jews, Asians, blacks, Latinos.

Did I mention Jews?

But most of all, women. I caught a vac once in a New York club. After five

minutes, I got up to leave. Three women slapped me on my way out.

You should be used to that by now, Frank.

I think we should trust Murphy's judgment.

She knows this man's act and she still wants to interview him, so she should be

able to. Well, actually, I haven't heard his act yet. I picked up a couple of

his concerts on cassette and I sent out for two of his videotapes. On all fours.

Oh, dear Lord.

You guys are missing the story here. The story isn't how offensive the guy might

be. The story is the controversy around him.

Rockets Act is testing the First Amendment.

Maybe Murphy's right. We can't ignore the issue.

Any aid grants are being pulled and there's the whole flag -burning debate.

True. Once you institute censorship in one area, soon you find it in all areas.

And before you know it, political pressure has hounded a perfectly

show like The Smothers Brothers off the air, only to be replaced by four seasons

of Sonny and Cher.

Look, while we're sitting around talking, Diane Sawyer's probably camped

his doorstep.

I'm not sold yet, Murphy. This Rocket guy is a wild man.

He won't be controllable, and we're a live television show. Miles, you once

me the reason you wanted to run a live news show was because it's a challenge

every time you're on the air. Now, suddenly, you're afraid of a risk. If

want to make an omelet, you've got to break some eggs. I'm not saying no,

Murphy, and I'm not saying yes. I'm saying let me think about it tonight.

you do what you have to do. Me, I'm going to start my research.

Uh, take my advice, Murph.

Don't listen to this guy's act on a full stomach.

I'm a big girl, Frank. It takes a lot to shock me.

God, did he just say that?

Oh, how could anybody say that?

Doesn't this guy have a mother?

I need to wash out my ears with janitor and a drum.

What a pleasant way to spend the morning. Maybe this afternoon I'll just

my hands repeatedly.

I'm so sorry I slapped you, but I do feel better now.

Thanks for being there.

Well, that's it. There's no way I can do this interview. The only way I could be

in the same studio with that creep is if I were wearing a radiation suit.

Morning, people.

Murphy, let me get a good look at you.

No one walk between us. I don't want anyone to block the gratitude as she

me.

Murphy, I got you Tony Rocket for this week's show.

Was that the phone? What?

I booked Rocket. In fact, he should be on his way over right now to set up pre

-interviews with you.

I hate to brag, but I pulled him right out from under the noses of 2020.

Barbara Walters is steamed.

I heard she called me a little pisher.

Miles, how could you do that? How could you book someone without checking? I

just spent three hours in the viewing room and I feel assaulted.

Rocket is degrading, dehumanizing, repulsive. What are you saying?

You don't want to do the interview?

Ooh, you Harvard guys can't put anything over on you.

Ah, I see.

Well, uh...

Okay, Murphy, if that's how you feel, I certainly wouldn't want to arm -twist

you into doing something you don't want to do.

Good.

So, then I guess I need to find a story for this week's show. Maybe something on

a budget topic. Yeah, I wouldn't want to force you.

Of course, I do think it's interesting. I mean, you are the one who said we

shouldn't hide from controversy.

I seem to remember some sort of a reference to an egg dish.

Omelette, I think it was.

Yes. But what have we here?

Someone who is no longer acting like a journalist.

Someone who's letting her personal feelings get in the way.

Okay, okay, okay.

God, I hate it when you're not wrong.

I guess those tapes caught me off guard.

I'll do the interview.

That's my journalist.

Besides, I have a feeling that this act of Rockets is exactly that. An act.

No one could be that offensive in real life.

It's not like I didn't offer to pay you for it.

Look, get a load of this place.

Chicks everywhere.

What is it, affirmative action week?

Yo, babe, why don't you make yourself useful?

Black, two sugars.

And walk slowly so I can enjoy it.

You see what I'm talking about?

Women. The worst thing we men ever did to ourselves was invent a self -cleaning

oven.

Hey, you gotchas.

You'll love this one.

You know why God invented breasts?

So there'd be some place to hold the beer can.

Hey, hey, hey, excuse me.

You can't just come in here and talk to the women like that.

You know, you hide your brand of sexist oppression behind comedy, but it's still

oppression, and I don't like it.

Thank you, Frank.

Well, I've always been sensitive to women's issues.

There's probably a lot of things you don't know about me. Maybe if we had

sometime.

He spoke on the phone this morning. Right.

Silverstein. Silverberg.

Like there's a difference.

And look who's here.

Murphy Brown.

The chick I'll be bearing my soul to.

You know, when they told me you wanted to interview me, I never figured you was

a fan. But hey, the broads go for me.

It's the charisma.

You feel it?

Mr. Rocket.

Let's get something straight right from the top. We're going to be spending a

lot of time together over the next few days, not because I am a fan, but

I need background information to conduct a fair and in -depth interview.

That's all.

So let's go into my office and get to work.

Ow. Hurt me.

You little pisher.

Speech is a complicated issue, and we must be prepared to...

This is the psychological part, how I became what I am today. What do you want

me to say, that I played with dolls?

Okay, I did. I had Bobby do it with G .I. Joe, and I made Ken watch.

Excuse me, Murphy, this will only take a moment.

Mr. Rocket, I have one thing to say to you, and one thing only.

Ernie Kovacs.

Now, that was a funny man.

Bob Newhart on the phone with Sir Walter Raleigh.

Comic genius.

Ronan Martin.

Suck it to me.

That, Mr. Rocket, is comedy.

Hilarious guy.

What's that cologne you're wearing? From Aldehyde.

Talk about your personal life.

You're single, never been married. Have you ever had a caring, serious

relationship with a woman?

Who do you think you're talking to? Of course I have.

20 minutes ago in the parking lot.

Okay, that's it. I've put up with enough this week. I did everything I could to

prepare for this interview, but even I have my limits.

I'll see you in the studio tonight. Meanwhile, I have better things to do.

a minute, wait a minute.

I think I know what the problem is.

You want me.

And it's blowing your concentration.

So look, why don't we hop over to my hotel room?

We get comfy.

And we launched the rocket a couple of times.

I'm sorry.

from where Jim thought he was grabbing my elbow, but other than that, I guess

I'm all right.

Murphy, I've made a decision.

It wasn't an easy one, but after the blood sport at Phil's, I figured

had to be done.

Even though we're only a couple hours before showtime, I've decided to pull

rocket interview.

What? Miles, you can't do that. I want to do the interview.

No, Murphy.

I can't run the risk of an on -air incident like the one we just had at

Your reputation is more important than any one single story.

Or the ratings.

Look, Miles, I know I screwed up. I know how it must have looked.

And I'm going to be totally honest with you.

I scared myself.

I never lost it like that before.

But if I don't do the interview, it means more than just losing a story.

It means I walk away from this having failed as a journalist.

No matter how well I nail the next interview or the next one, I'll never

I had what it took to handle this one.

I need to prove to myself I can do it, Miles.

I'm asking you to give me that chance.

Couldn't I just give you some money?

No. 27 years old, I'm living on my Lancer.

Okay, Murphy.

Okay.

We go with the interview.

Thank you, Miles.

Thank you. You won't regret this.

I hope you're right.

So, you think you could untie me now?

about i have everything under control i just took a little walk to clear my mind

and i had this realization this interview is easy all i have to do is

and let rocket open his mouth and reveal himself as the jerk he is it's so clear

to me now and when you're true with those cheeks you can come over tonight

dust the other side god be with you murphy i'm going against this man he's

devil himself thank you for your support carl No true man would ever treat women

the way he does.

I myself always try to find the pleasure spots on a woman's feet and massage

them selflessly.

Not many men less like you, Carl.

You can be sure, darling, that at the first sign your womanhood is being

sullied, I'll be out from behind that camera and defending you before you know

it. And my family, I'm known for my speaking.

Let's do it, Miles.

Sheena, queen of the jungle over there, lays one finger on me, and this

network's turned into a parking lot. You read me?

You have nothing to worry about, Mr. Rocket.

However, due to the possibility of some unpredictable language on your part, the

network has decided to air this broadcast on a five -second delay.

Should there be a need, I will personally be manning a censoring button

on my podium.

Oh, really?

Well, five seconds delay ain't much time.

You think you're fast.

fast enough.

Fast enough if I say something like shifting trends in morality are

Don't think. Nobody panic. He was just testing me, people. I'll get it next

time. I'm in control.

Places, people. 20 seconds to air.

Miles, I think you ought to know Carl's doing leg stretches.

Don't talk to me.

Don't anybody talk to me.

Okay, people.

Four, three, two... Good evening, and welcome to FYI.

For your information tonight, Frank Fontana goes undercover to expose a car

theft ring, while Corky Sherwood Forrest spends a week on the balance beam with

Olga Corbett.

But first, Murphy Brown interviews a man known to be as explosive as his name by

his fans and his detractors both, controversial comedian Tony Rocket.

Murphy?

Thank you, Jim.

Mr. Rocket, your critics contend that your comedy, particularly offensive to

women and minorities, is obscene and goes well beyond what is protected by

First Amendment.

How do you respond to your critics?

If you don't mind, Miss Brown, first I'd like to take this opportunity to say

hello to my mother, who's in the hospital.

Hi, Mama.

You get better now.

Hurry home.

I love you.

As I was saying, your critics say that your act pushes the limits of the First

Amendment. How do you respond?

Though I respect my critics, I think the numbers speak for themselves.

Just last week, I sold out two concerts at the Astrodome.

Obviously, these people don't think I'm obscene. They just think I'm bringing

them laughter in some very troubled times.

Yeah, well, let's face it. You make the female gender sound like it's just a

kicking post for the male ego. How do you defend that?

Sure, Miss Brown. I can't deny I've made those kinds of statements.

But what you have to understand is it's not me up there. It's a character I

play. You do understand that. I understand that you're... I think of

an actor.

And the guy I play on stage is a sexist jerk.

People know that what I do is an act.

My girlfriend knows it. My grandmother knows it.

With all due respect, the only person who seems not to understand this is you,

Miss Brown. Mr. Rocket, I know what an act is, and this is the act.

Gee.

You know, they taught me in school that journalists are supposed to be

objective.

Seems you've already made your mind up about me.

I wouldn't have expected that from a reporter of your ability and reputation.

Well, Tony, I'll agree with you on one thing.

Journalists are trained to remain neutral no matter what.

But sometimes we can't be.

Sometimes we do things we're not supposed to do.

Like now.

Oh, no.

I'm going to break the rules tonight because I feel like it.

Don't be fooled by this man.

He is hateful, arrogant, degrading, and offensive.

But as much as I disagree with what he says, I will always defend his right to

say it.

Freedom of speech is one of the most important freedoms we have.

And if we're truly going to protect it, we have to take the good with the bad.

You know...

Anyone who would choose human degradation as a way to find fame should

good long look in the mirror. And so should those of you who cheer him.

One last thing. As I look at Mr. Rocket, I wonder something else.

Without his cheap shots and four -letter words, could he cut it?

I don't think so.

Because Tony Rocket is guilty of the worst sin of all.

He's just not funny.

It's like I always said.

Never give a woman the floor unless she's got her back flat against it. Oh,

my...

Yes,

we got the tape.

No,

no, no, I don't deserve your admiration. Don't you understand?

What I did was wrong. I stooped to his level.

What did I do to deserve this?

You think you had a bad day?

They've been out there chanting for hours.

At first, I thought they were picketing me.

Imagine my terror as I race through my memory wondering if I've recently done

anything to alienate a large group of women.

Owen, if you don't mind, I don't feel like talking.

I don't blame you. You said enough earlier this evening.

What? What are you talking about?

You didn't watch the show, did you? You never watched television.

That's true.

But I happened to hear that on PBS, the Yankee woodworker was running an episode

on the evolution of the wall sconce.

Now, as I'm scanning for my channel, guess what I stumble upon?

Come on.

You. I saw you for the first time on TV.

What a mouth!

I tell you...

I haven't heard language like that since Bob down at Ed's Paints. He backed into

the hot glue gun.

Give me a break, will you, Eldon?

This has been the worst week of my life.

Until next week, I have to apologize on the air.

You should never have said what I said tonight, Eldon.

It was wrong.

It was bad.

But it felt so good.

But it was wrong.

It felt so good.

It's a complicated issue, isn't it?

For as an artist, I must say there should always be someone pushing the

envelope.

I mean, what is art if it doesn't awaken one from the mundane and expect

it... You've painted something, haven't you, Eldon?

Haven't you?

Kitchen hallway.

I was afraid that I was getting, you know, safe.

So I tried something.

And don't be afraid to tell me what you think.