Original subtitles

Who is Richard Nixon?

I don't know.

What language do they speak in Rome?

Greek. Roman.

Romanian. Like Jewish.

Who is Fidel Castro?

I have no idea.

Fidel Castro was the president of Iran.

Who was Martin Luther King?

He was the man who freed the slaves from the South.

Who is Dan Quayle?

Secretary? He's our president?

I don't know. I've never heard of him before.

So by day six, the only people left on the boat are George Bush, Gorbachev, and

Dan Rather. You're going on ten minutes now, Phil. This better be a good joke.

All of a sudden, in the distance, they see another boat coming. And it gets

closer and closer and closer.

And then...

Everybody's together. I have big news.

Finally,

the boat comes right up next to him.

And who do you think is on the deck?

Oh, is this the Nancy Reagan joke?

Oh, thanks.

Hey,

I'm sorry, okay?

I guess I was just anxious to fill you in on the scoop of the day.

I had a meeting with the head of network programming.

He had this incredible idea. I mean, when I tell you what it is, you are

to flip.

You wouldn't happen to be talking about the new magazine show the network wants

to promote and they want you to produce the pilot. That wouldn't be it, would

it, Miles?

Is that really necessary, Phil?

It's all right. I hate myself.

By the way, your raise didn't come through.

Magazine show. I don't like the sound of it. The network already has us. Why do

they need another one? Don't worry about it, Frank. There's no competition.

It's a Saturday morning news show reported by kids for kids.

FYI, for kids.

Isn't that a great idea? I'll say. And you're the perfect choice to produce. If

you're over budget on wardrobe, the kids can wear your clothes.

Now you have somebody to help you with your paper room.

All right, all right.

Let's hear from that table down there.

Come on, take a shot. Really, Miles, you mustn't be so sensitive.

So what's the first segment? There's Piggy on the Berlin Wall?

Okay, I can see where I stand.

The network selects me to produce an important pilot that just might raise

intelligence of the nation's youth.

And you jest.

I was hoping you'd understand.

I was also hoping you might work with the kids. Offer some expertise on story

areas, would you?

Read my lips, Miles.

what it was like when I was first starting out. I needed guidance from

old, and I had Murphy.

Now it's time to get something back. I'll help you, Miles.

Thanks, Corky.

Corky's gonna help me.

So, it's me and Corky.

Anyone else, please?

Maybe Corky's right.

It's about time we offer our youth something other than these poorly drawn

cartoons that litter the airwaves. What about you, Frank?

Well, maybe I could spare some time. As long as it's FYI for kids, he's a non

-opposite rude dog. I love that show.

Okay, so that leaves one person I haven't heard from yet.

Miles, I already have a job. And besides, there's that little matter of

Mario Cuomo profile which you want for next week's show.

Okay, forget it.

We don't need Murphy.

Sure, there was probably a time I would have tried to change her mind.

Maybe even begged.

But the truth is, I think we could do this without her. I really do.

Oh!

Sorry, Miles. I'm up to the real world. You know, little things like wars,

revolts, global warming. So, good luck.

See you all on Pee -wee Silverberg's Playhouse.

Following that, they'll be here to meet you for the first time. Then it's

informal chatting until noon. Lunch from 12 to 1, stories from 1 to 3, and a

visit to the set at 3 .15.

So, that's our schedule for the day.

Hey, look who's here!

My kids, my stars of tomorrow.

Minus one, where's Natalie?

She missed the elevator.

Okay, okay.

This is not a crisis.

She knows where to go.

Somebody call security.

In the meantime, I'm going to introduce you to some very special people.

F .Y .I.? Meet F .Y .I. Junior.

Nice to meet you. Now, Tracy Knight, you'll be working with Kirti Sherwood.

I can't believe I'm meeting you! Most important woman in journalism today!

And I have so much I want to teach you about finding a story and writing a good

lead. Have you ever worn your hair pulled back?

tells me this erudite young man must be the anchor.

I'm Jim Dial. Welcome aboard.

How do you do, Mr. Dial? My name's Henry Caldwell.

But I'm not the anchor.

I'm the investigative reporter.

You're the investigative reporter? No kidding.

So then, by simple process of elimination, as it were, this fellow

here, the only one left, must be the anchor.

You got that right. Wes Jordan. How's it hanging, Jim?

You're not sure about the earring? Yeah, Miles warned me. Yeah, that's cool.

But just because I don't fit the mold doesn't mean I can't report the news.

Oh, of course not.

I guess I'm just a traditionalist.

The last of a dying breed.

An old dinosaur gasping for air as it crashes to the ground and dies.

I'm fine with it.

So, it's Henry, right?

Yes, sir. Very nice to meet you, sir. Hey, we're not in the army. Call me

And listen, the only time an investigative reporter wears a tie is

bury him. Listen it out.

I can't.

Sure you can.

We'll work on it.

Well, I'm excited.

And you're excited too, aren't you, Henry? I can tell just by looking at

Anyway, I've arranged a special studio tour right after lunch.

How about that?

Excuse me.

Getting off.

Hey, Mr. Mullet!

It's not my day. First I get a bus driver who can't accept criticism, now

Hey, Natalie!

There you are.

Did you get lost?

No, I didn't get lost.

Rose Petal over there didn't hold the elevator for me.

Natalie snuck into the studio.

You know, you really shouldn't do that.

You could get into trouble.

Oi.

Miles, what did you say this one's name was?

Natalie Moore.

Remember it.

Natalie, Miles asked me to do double duty because of a certain person's

selfishness. So I'll be helping Tracy and you with your little stories.

Boy, it just gets worse.

Thanks, but I don't need help. Just give me an office and a decent secretary.

Oh. What? You know, I was thinking maybe I could find time in my schedule to

work with Natalie.

But before we get started, there's something you should understand. To me,

working with kids is like chewing chalk. So don't expect me to be nurturing or

patient or bake cookies. Murphy, are we going to stand around yakking all day or

are we going to put together a story?

You got potential, kid.

Let's get to it.

Now, Tracy, I know you're upset, but what happened to you is a good thing.

I can tell you that from experience. What's wrong?

Someone phoned Sheldon Pincus and told him that my parents were out of the

and that I want him to come over and watch Blue Lagoon.

Gee, I wonder who that could have been.

It was Natalie.

I know it was.

Tracy, it's okay. When they pull those pranks on us, they're just showing their

affection. It means we've finally been accepted into that fraternity of noobs.

You guys ready for this?

I did what I could. I don't know. I only had a week.

Whoa!

Look at this. Very sharp, Henry.

It's Hank.

Tell me where your story's going, Hank. He's exposing substandard nutrition

levels in school cafeterias. Go on, Hank.

Well, Frank, so far I've infiltrated the kitchens of four different schools,

opposing as a student cafeteria monitor.

including an all -girls school.

The man is the master of disguise.

Jim, I'm sorry, man, but I've got to draw the line somewhere.

I'll wear the jacket, but I've got to roll up the sleeves or look like a geek.

Oh, I see.

Anybody who wears the suit and tie is a geek. Is that what you're saying? That

I'm a geek? You know, when I was your age... Oh, man. I'll tell you a little

problem here.

Miles, I've been talking myself blue in the face, but Mr.

Weisenheimer has all the answers.

It seems I've been doing everything wrong for the past 25 years. Maybe I

wear an earring. Maybe Dan Rather should do the news in shredded jeans.

Tip, tip, twist.

Take it easy.

Maybe after the meeting, you guys can go grab a burger and talk this out. Oh,

great. More talking.

Can't they just work with a Sherwood chick?

The Sher... Oh, what?

and beauty.

Dave, Bill, friend, help yourselves.

Just a little treat because my story's going so well.

Hey, how was last night, Tracy?

Did Sheldon show you that milk service nose trick?

It is great, isn't she?

Okay, I'm glad to see we're all getting along.

Why don't we get this meeting underway?

Exchange our thoughts, talk about ways to improve upon the things we've done so

far. Sorry, Miles, but we don't have time.

Come on, young man, we have some tapes to look at.

Oh, not more Walter Klondike.

Walter Kronkite.

My Lord, will I ever make it through this lifetime?

Come on, Natalie, let me get you caught up on what I've been doing.

So, Mark, I couldn't wait until school was over to show you the extra work I

on my interview. And I really can't wait to see it, but just have a look at this

first.

What's this?

Everything you ever wanted to know on Edward Stoddard, superintendent of

schools. All the research, all the questions.

So all I have to do is read it?

No.

Well, okay, I did sort of put it in script form, but you could rearrange the

questions if you want. That's something you could do, see?

But don't change the first three.

Well, maybe you should just do the whole interview yourself. You don't need me.

Come on, Natalie, this is your first time out. It's not easy being on

television.

I want you to do well.

I want you to be the best.

Okay, come on. Let's work on your opening. We'll do it together.

I wrote an opening. I put it on your desk yesterday. Didn't you read it?

I skimmed it thoroughly.

Okay, I was going to read it, but I was too busy.

Come on, we'll do it now. No, thanks.

You go ahead.

I know you'll do a better job anyway, and that's what counts.

Hey, Natalie.

Natalie!

A thin little piece of cloth that goes around your neck. Would it kill you to

wear it? Yes, it would.

Fine.

Put me in my grave. See if I care.

Okay, this is it.

Showtime. How do they look?

They seem nervous.

Maybe the schedule was too rough. Maybe I pushed them too hard. Oh, there you

go, coddling them again. If those kids really want to be journalists, they're

going to have to learn to be tough.

Don't you agree?

I should have gone with the Batman wallpaper.

I'm going to give Natalie a little pep talk.

This is it. The big moment.

How do you feel?

Okay, I guess.

I just wanted to wish you good luck and see if you wanted to use these three new

questions I came up with.

Oh, sure.

Look, Natalie, I know you wanted to do the interview your way, but this isn't a

school play.

There's no room to make mistakes.

I know you're right.

Well, you're almost done. I better go.

Hey, Murphy.

Yeah.

Can I just ask you a question?

When you did this for the first time, was it fun?

Are you kidding? It was the greatest moment of my life.

Oh, I just wanted to know.

All right, places, everybody. 20 seconds.

Natalie, give me those cards. What? Give them to me. Those are my notes and my

questions.

Except it's not my interview.

Okay, you want to learn? You're now flying without a net.

You're going to do this your way, and you want to know something?

You're going to have the time of your life.

All right, stand by, everyone.

Hey, Jim, can I borrow your time, man?

Welcome to the first edition of FYI for Kids.

For your information, Hank Caldwell exposes a nutritional nightmare in our

school cafeterias.

And Tracy Knight spends a day skating with Dorothy Hamill.

But first, in an exclusive interview, Dr. Edward Studdard, the superintendent

Dolan County School System, talks to our own Natalie Moore.

Natalie?

Thank you, Wes.

Dr. Stoddard, welcome to FYI for Kids.

Well, thank you for inviting me, Natalie.

I want to wish you and your colleagues good luck on your new and exciting

project. Good luck.

Thank you. Dr. Stoddard, while other school districts rely on tax dollars for

funding, you've begun a successful program reaching out to the private

for financial support.

Natalie, the business of education is the business of all our tomorrows.

You see, we're counting on bright boys and girls.

like you to be the leaders of the future.

How much money did you raise last year?

I'm sure you're not interested in hearing a bunch of boring figures.

Yes, I am. You raised two million dollars, didn't you, Dr. Stoddard? Yet

million and a half reached the schools. Where's the other half million?

An escrow account. An escrow is a very complicated... An escrow account called

Sidbar Enterprises. An account used to secure a home improvement loan for 555

Long Creek Road.

That's your home address, isn't it, Dr. Sodder?

I have copies of receipts for an automatic garage door opener, backyard

,000 square feet of new sod.

This has been the first edition of FYI for Kids. Catch you later.

and I could watch that guy squirm all day. Oh, come on. You guys have seen it

three times already. Let's give the machine a rest. Have some more food.

Yeah. All right.

Want to do Big Newton?

Excuse me?

Eldon?

Were you talking to me?

I was just wondering something.

Whenever I'm here, you usually, you know, follow me around a lot and hang on

every word.

Well, I've been here for a while now, and you haven't even said hello.

Oh. Hello.

That's not what I meant.

You know, I'm a proud man.

Now I've tried in the past to win your favor, but to no avail.

It's quite obvious a man like me has no chance with a woman like you.

So I'm moving on.

Oh.

The old hard -to -get routine. Who would have thought, huh? Thanks for the tip.

Hello, Murphy.

Sorry I'm late. I got hung up in meeting with the big brass.

Reeling in those compliments, huh?

What do they want, a four -year commitment?

Well, I guess I can work it into my schedule. Come on, the kids will want to

hear this.

Murphy.

FYI for kids is history.

What?

No, it can't be. The network hated it.

They said it was too hard -hitting, too adult for Saturday mornings.

They're going with a quiz show hosted by Lou Ferrigno.

Thank you.

knows good television anymore.

I hate this lousy business. I hate it. I hate it. Murphy, those network people

are nothing but a bunch of vipers. That does it. I've had it. I'm buying a

little farm in Virginia and I'm getting out. Murphy, pull yourself together.

We have to tell the kids.

Tell the kids?

Oh, no, we can't.

They're so happy and full of glee.

We'll tell them next week.

The circus is coming to town. Yes.

We'll take them to the circus and we'll tell them while they're watching bears

ride a bike.

Wait a minute, Murphy.

Weren't you the one who said we shouldn't baby them?

It looked like you. It sounded like you.

Okay,

I'll tell them. I will.

Everybody, can I talk to you for a minute?

I have some news.

But first, I just want to say...

How proud we all are of the work you've done this week. Here, here. Oh, yeah.

And that one day you'll all go on to become great successes in the exciting

field of... We got the axe.

Oh! Oh, no!

Oh, no!

No!

They didn't even give us a chance. How can they do this?

We had no lead in. It's not fair.

Hey, Frank, who said life was fair?

Don't take it so hard. We had a good time and...

That's what counts. No, it isn't. We're dumped. We're canned. Tomorrow, nobody

will answer our calls. It hurts, Hank.

You should have worn the suit, huh, Jim?

You should have worn the earring and played the guitar and shaken your

That's what they want.

Guys, look, I know this is hard, but let's do something to cheer ourselves

Would you like to see a movie or go for ice cream?

Would you like a puppy?

Hey, Murphy, I'm not really that disappointed.

Between school and the show, I didn't have enough time for cheerleading

practice.

And that's my first love.

Hey, anybody want to go to the mall? Yeah, all right. All right.

Unless you guys want us to stay. You think you're going to be all right?

Oh, yes.

We'll be fine.

Go.

Go.

Oh, Tracy.

Bells are on sale at Casual Corner.

Um, Natalie, do you want to talk?

There's nothing to talk about.

I don't know how you can say that. I know I feel pretty crummy.

It's my fault, isn't it?

I didn't work hard enough. I wasn't good enough.

Whoa, hold on.

If I put that much pressure on myself every time things didn't work out the

I wanted them to, I'd end up... Well, I'd end up in Betty Ford.

Look, you've already learned how to be a good reporter.

Now why don't you take some time out and learn how to be a kid?

Relax. Loosen up.

And if somebody like Miriam Charters undoes the braid in your hair, don't

around and slug her so that she never speaks to you again.

Because one day she just might wind up as senior class vice president and throw

a really great Christmas party with a sleigh ride and not invite you. And then

before you know it, you'll be in your 40s and you'll still never have gone on

the sleigh ride.

It'll be okay.

You'll see.

Once you've been in this business a little longer, you'll develop a tougher

skin. You'll learn to take these things in stride.

See you.

Bye.

Bye.

Okay.

Let's think of something to cheer ourselves up.

I know.

Let's play Barbara Walters special. I'll be Cher. Oh, no. I want to be Cher.

Okay. You be Cher, I'll be Madonna.

Who's going to be Barbara Walters? We've got Cher and Madonna.

Who needs her?