Original subtitles

There is a particular writing on the wall.

There is a particular letter about the fall.

Thirteen months of battery broke the looking glass.

Seven years of bed.

When you believe in things you don't

understand, then you suffer.

Quirky! Hey, Heidi! Oh, top of the morning to ya. Fill her up, please, and

you. Mmm, premium unleavened.

Frank, it's morning. It's Monday. Why are you so cheery?

Poker game last night at my house.

Cleaned up.

My buddy Mike looks like his kid's gonna have to settle for junior college next

year.

I mean, I was hot then, as luck would have it. On my way to work this morning,

found this little beauty in the street.

Gee, Frank, a quarter.

Now you can buy that little farm you always wanted.

Joke, if you will, but it was heads up. A universal sign of good luck to come.

Hot.

Great idea, Frank.

What? Having those young men rotate your tires while you're at work.

Rotate my tires?

Damn hard workers. They've taken them completely off the car.

You shouldn't give me their number.

I bet

he can't type either.

You only think you see me. Murphy, I really have to talk to you about

Can you make it quick? I've got 7 ,000 things to do for Kinsella's birthday

party tonight.

God, I hate giving parties.

Murphy, I have a personal problem. This is really important.

Let me make it easy on you. I never get involved in the personal problems of

others. Murphy, I don't know who else to go to. If I don't talk about this, I'll

explode.

Okay, I'll start at the beginning.

$100 for a cake?

Are they nuts?

I want you to know, this is not something I'm proud of.

But this weekend...

I went to Boston for a broadcaster's convention.

Ice, ice for 30 people, three cubes per glass. And while I was there, I went

into the hotel cocktail lounge for a cappuccino and some pistachios.

That's all I went in there for, I swear.

I never expected to see a woman in there wearing this red and black knit thing

and this perfume that went up my nose like a hook and just pulled me, just

pulled me to her.

I thought you slobbered on yourself in a bar. Big deal. You're involved. Now get

out of here.

And then, before I know it, we were upstairs where the rooms are.

What?

The rooms?

Why, Miles, you little jackhammer.

God, I'm going to burn in hell for this.

I've never done anything like this, Murphy. I had a meaningless one -night

stand. I'm going to be killed by a truck.

Now listen, Miles.

If I'm truly going to help you, I'm going to need some more details, like...

What were you wearing? Probably that blue blazer and the red tie with those

little ducks on it. You always act big when you wear that.

Come on, I'm in pain here.

You didn't have... You didn't have a problem, did you, Miles? Is that what

is about?

No, I did not have a problem.

We were animals.

We used every inch of space in the room.

I'll never look at a folding luggage rack the same.

Whoa, Miles.

Leona.

That was her name.

Leona was very knowledgeable.

I guess that's because she's older.

This all happened with an older woman? How old was she?

Old. At least 40.

I'm busy, Miles.

I'm going to be stepping off a curb and it'll come from nowhere.

An 18 -wheeler.

A crowd will gather, look down at me and say, right, Miles Silverberg, he

deserved it.

Listen, sometimes these things happen and no one is to blame.

I mean, it's not like you do it every day and no one got hurt.

Assuming that is that you took precautions.

She had a variety pack.

Come on, then. Look, if you want this to be over, it's over.

Unless you think this old broad's going to call you. She can't. She can't.

I didn't give her my real name.

What name did you use?

I don't want to say.

Come on.

Hector?

Oh, okay, okay. Yeah, I can see who I'm dealing with here. All right, I'm just

going to have to forget about this.

I mean, one tiny little moral indiscretion does not a doomed man make.

So, I'm out of here.

On with the day.

A new day.

And after I spend the week begging in temple, life will be good again.

Goodbye, Murphy.

I know I speak for everyone here tonight when I say that Gene Kinsella is not

only a good friend, he's the VP of network news.

Happy birthday, Gene.

Well, Brownie, what can I say?

Everyone...

Thanks. Now let's get started on this case.

I think it's going well, don't you, Jim? Oh, sure. For you.

You're not the one who got stuck picking out Gene's gift from the office.

He'll be opening it any minute now.

Then it'll happen.

He'll take it out of the box and try to pretend he likes it.

But in his mind, he'll be saying, what the hell is this? An electric towel

warmer?

Couldn't they find anything more asinine? Or was the store all out of

bathroom scales?

And everyone will see right through him and then they'll all turn and look at

me. Me.

You got him an electric towel warmer?

Jeez, Jim.

Oh, God.

And usually I'm not one to complain. But a day like this.

So after I push my keys out of the sewer grate, I go to the cleaners. He tells

me that he lost three of my favorite shirts.

Am I boring you?

No. So, on my way over here.

What happens? My car blows a valve.

Frank,

your egg roll is leaking.

Miles, how nice of you to show up. You missed all the fun. The shrimp balls are

dying and I caught Al Henderson from sales going through my medicine cabinet.

I hate giving parties.

You have nothing to worry about, Murphy. I'm here. I'm in a party frame of mind.

Watch the master mingle.

Where's the birthday boy?

She's here!

She's here!

Who's here?

Her! The woman!

The sex woman!

boss's wife.

This is impossible.

Her name is Leona.

It can't be Mrs. Kinsella. Her name is Leona.

Gee, you don't think she lied, do you, Hector?

This is not good. Not good at all.

Look, she hasn't seen you yet. Why don't you get out of here before she does?

Good. Good thinking. You're good at this.

I see the door.

Miles, you can do this.

Of course I understand, Miles. If Walter Cronkite wants you to read a chapter of

his manuscript, you have to go.

I'll send you a piece of cake.

The man never stops working.

Miles, where have you been? I've been looking for you everywhere.

Hiding from Kinsella?

I'm going crazy. I know he knows.

He's just trying to torture me.

Oh, God, I can't keep up the charade. I've just got to tell him the truth.

though I'll pay the price, it's the right thing to do. Isn't it, Murphy?

Isn't it?

Look, Miles, you know I hate to give advice. I mean, I really don't want to

involved in this. But if you're asking my opinion... I'm asking. I'm asking.

You should probably just keep your mouth shut.

Shut? Gotcha.

Really? I know Gene can sell it pretty well. If he knew what you did, he'd just

come out and confront you with it. That's the type of person he is.

But if you tell him and he doesn't know, it's just going to hurt a lot of

people. Murphy!

Mr. Gazella!

Well, hey!

I was just talking casually with Murphy. Just chatting. About this and that.

Casually.

If you don't mind, Silverberg, I'd like to speak privately with Murphy. Mind? Of

course not.

I'll just go. Go away. Well, I'm going. Goodbye, you people.

So, Gene, I guess you probably want to discuss my expense account, right?

I know. It looks like it went a little over the top. Not that.

It's personal.

Murphy. We've known each other a long time. You're a good friend.

And frankly, I need a woman's perspective.

It's about Lois.

Lois and me.

Lois and you?

You and Lois?

I won't mince words.

Murphy, I think Lois is having an affair.

Oh, gee, Gene.

Gee. And I've got a pretty good idea who it is, too. Really? Yes.

But I don't really know how best to handle the situation. I mean, should I

pretend I don't know, or should I nail the SOB to the wall?

Oh, Gene, well, um, you know, I hate to give advice.

But since we are good friends, let me just say, Gene, that usually when this

sort of thing happens in a marriage,

believe me, I'm no expert, usually when this sort of thing happens, Gene, it

usually means there are probably problems.

Problems within the marriage.

Yes. Maybe it would be better if you and Lois sat down and focused on those

problems. Maybe see a marriage counselor. I mean, it would be a much

positive way of dealing with the problem than wasting your energy trying to nail

someone, whoever it is, to a wall.

Murphy, what you've said makes a lot of sense.

But I'd rather nail him. I know I'd feel a lot better.

Thanks for helping me to clarify this.

No problem.

All packed and off to Iceland, is it? Boy, I don't envy you. You said it,

Reykjavik, 39 months after the summit. I don't know whose lame idea this was,

but it's a real doozy.

It was my idea, Frank.

Listen,

I saw you chit -chatting with my wife last night. Oh, yes, she is one terrific

woman and very attractive, if you don't mind my saying so. Well, isn't that just

so very kind of you to say?

In Iceland, for a fright, be sure to take a coat.

Tends to get a little nippy up there.

Nancy, would you get Murphy for me?

Miles! Thanks, Nancy.

Murphy, I just wanted to say thanks again for saving my tail.

God, I was just sitting here thinking about how much I love this job and how

easily it all could have gone away.

Miles. You were right. He doesn't suspect a thing. I'm sure of it now. I

he would have told me to my face. He would have fired me on the spot. Miles,

knows. Oh, God, I knew it. I don't know how he knows, but he knows. Of course he

knows. He could see right through me. I might as well have been wearing a T

-shirt that said, Hey, Kinsella, I point your way.

This is why I don't get involved in other people's problems. They ask me

questions, I give them answers, and bad things happen.

Very, very bad.

It's over.

These are my last few moments here.

No more coming in each day to see whatever crises are facing me on my

Goodbye, desk.

Goodbye, kitchenette.

With the self -cleaning oven.

My couch.

Someone came to me with a book this thick of all these little fabric pieces

that I...

couch.

Oh, and there's Lloyd.

Washing my windows every month like he has for the 14 months I've been here.

Sometimes I wondered if he ever owned another shirt besides that one.

I'm gonna miss that shirt.

I love you, Lloyd.

How do I get the feeling Kissinger's going to come through that door and the

of you are going to pray together?

I gotta do something.

Think, think, think.

You know, don't you, Murphy?

Please tell me.

Please, please, please.

All right, all right.

I know Kinsella respects honesty, so maybe if you confess to him before he

to you.

Confess? I'm not saying to do it. I'm just saying it's an option that exists

the universe.

It makes sense.

Maybe he'll forgive me because I'm being brave enough to come clean.

Yes, this feels right.

I'm going to do it.

Thanks, Murphy.

Thanks for the advice.

It's not advice.

Oh, there you are, Murphy. The office told me I'd find you here. Gene, hi.

Listen, Phil, you don't mind if I steal Murphy away from you, do you? Oh, sure.

Why don't you take that table over there? It's pretty private.

Not that I think you need privacy, but if you did, that would be the table to

take.

Don't mention it.

Oh, and by the way, why don't I bring you a plate of our special meatloaf? You

probably don't get it too much at home.

The meatloaf.

I don't know anything.

So, Gene, I think I know what this is about.

Miles did speak to you today?

No.

Oh, so, Gene, what's this about?

Well, Murphy, I did a lot of thinking last night about your advice.

It wasn't really... No, no, no, you were right. I was? Yes.

Lois and I have been growing apart over the past few years, and I guess a lot of

it is me.

The idea of turning 60 hit me pretty hard, and I've been taking it out on

Well, anyway, last night Lois and I talked, and, uh... Well, I realized...

Vindictiveness is a waste of energy. It'd be much better to use that energy

see if we can't work this thing out between ourselves.

Let sleeping dogs lie, so to speak.

So tomorrow, Lois and I are going to go see a marriage counselor.

Gene, I don't know what to say.

I'm really very glad to hear this.

Oh, you know, I just remembered something. I have to go back to the

speak to my... Jim.

Sometimes I call him my Jim.

I'm sorry to run off like this, but it's really very important.

Mr. Kinsella.

Miles, what are you doing here? I have to talk to Mr. Kinsella. Well, I'm due

back in the office, Silverberg, but if it won't be too long, goodbye, Murphy.

Thank you.

Miles, you don't want to keep Gene from his busy day, so maybe you could talk to

him another time.

Maybe you and I could talk here now.

Have a seat, Miles. Goodbye, Gene. Well, I thought you had to go, Murphy. Me?

No. If you were leaving, Mr. Kinsella, perhaps we could talk in your office.

Oh, I'll walk you back. I'm ready.

Well, I have a few minutes, Silverberg, if you have something important to

discuss.

Murphy, weren't you going back to the office? Oh, I can't. I'm meeting someone

here.

All right, this can wait. Mr. Kinsella, I'll speak with you later. No, hold on,

Silverberg. I'll walk back with you. Fine. I'm ready to go. I'll walk you

Stop this!

Mr. Kinsella, I had an affair with your wife.

I didn't mean affair.

Affair is the wrong word.

It was just a one -shot thing with no real meaning.

Although that sounds sordid.

And it was definitely not sordid.

We did talk a little, and I enjoyed her very much.

But I didn't want to see her again.

Not to take anything away from your wife. It was... Well, you would know.

Silverberg, you're amazing.

I don't know if I'd have the courage to do what you just did.

Really? And of course, you know, your job description doesn't include taking

heat for a spineless parasite like Frank Fontana.

I'm not sure... Come on, Silverberg. We both know what's been going on.

Fontana's guilty as sin.

As far as I'm concerned, the man doesn't deserve to share the same air you

breathe.

Frank Fontana?

And you, coming in here, throwing yourself on the grenade.

You actually thought I believed my wife would fool around with a kid who looks

like he just got out of high school?

I can see you're all rather fond of Frank.

And he tests very well with women 18 to 49.

So, as I told Murphy, I'm just going to close the book on this one.

Listen, Mr. Kinsella.

Before you close that book, I think there's something you should know.

You're wrong about Frank.

Frank?

Frank?

Frank's been under a lot of pressure lately.

Sure, what he did was wrong.

But I believe deep down he's a decent person.

Maybe it's insecurity that makes him do the kinds of things he does.

Basically.

That, and he hasn't cut MSG out of his diet.

And of course, we all know his mother is insane.

But just so you know, he is in therapy.

And I believe, with our support, he can turn his life around.

You're a better man than I am, Silverberg.

Be good to him, Brownie.

He's a prince.

Well, uh, gee, Miles, I'm glad you missed me, but this is like we're

So, Frank, Frankie, Frank -o, listen, have you ever felt so bad

about something, so guilt -ridden, that when you look in the mirror, all you see

is a garden slug?

No, usually I see Sister Mary Catherine holding a ruler.

Anyway, I got a little surprise for you.

What kind of surprise?

Here.

This is for you.

It's the key to my office.

I mean, your office.

I want you to have it. The kitchenette, the microwave, the private bathroom.

It's all yours now, Frank.

I'm afraid I'd ask this, but what's going on here?

Don't look a gift horse in the mouth, Frank.

Or in this case, a gift stallion.

Why are you being nice to me?

What? I can't see.

Thanks, Frank.

Thanks for being a great reporter.

Thanks for being my friend.

Come on, let's go look at it. Sort of show you around.

I'm dying.

I'm dying or I'm fired.

Or my mother's visiting.

You know, Frank, some really interesting things happened while you were away.

And I'm going to tell you all about them.

The thing I want you to keep in mind is, when you look at the big picture, it

all worked out in the end.