Original subtitles

Bye.

Bye. Bye.

So you're predicting a continued decline in the savings and loan industry.

Well, clearly we're headed toward consolidation of a large portion of it.

believe in the end that the nation's financial system will emerge stronger

ever before.

Survival of the fittest in an economic jungle.

Thank you, Dr. Keller.

We'll be back with the wrap -up after this.

And we're clear.

Okay, everybody, remember the new closing.

Jim will say, this is another edition of FYI, blah, blah, blah.

And while credits roll, I want you to get up, act casual, start chatting in a

friendly manner.

Let's show the audience that at FYI, we are more than colleagues, we're buddies.

This idea stinks.

Are you through, Frank?

I'm through.

All right, look alive, people. Here we go.

Coming back in five, four, three, two... Be with us

next week when Murphy Brown interviews New York Mayor Ed Koch, Frank Fontana

investigates fraud in the FDA, and Corky Sherwood goes to dinner with the Van

Patten family.

Until then, this has been another edition of FYI. Good night.

So, Jim, how would you like to join me after the show? We can get a bite to eat

and then beat up Miles in the parking lot.

Yes, that sounds like an excellent idea.

We can throw a blanket over him. He'll never know who it was.

I really enjoyed your interview, Murphy. I didn't think an economist could be so

fascinating. Yeah, he's fascinating, all right. We're talking Major League Hunk.

He's got principle.

I've got the interest.

And we're out.

Nice show. people. Go spend a little quality time with your loved ones.

So, Miles, was that friendly enough for you?

I can't believe what you did.

You had to fool around, didn't you? You couldn't do it straight like I asked you

to. What are you making such a big deal about?

You called Dr. Keller a hunk. It went out live.

What? How can that be? We took our mics off.

Quirky.

What's that?

watches those end credits, they're all in the kitchen getting something to eat.

Come on. How many of you people watch those credits?

Oh, sure.

You just want to see your names. That's why.

You never liked my idea, did you?

At the production meeting all week long, you had to fight me.

Well, now you're being punished.

Maybe you'll remember this thing of embarrassment the next time you choose

score on one of my ideas that I work late into the night to come up with.

missing dinner, skipping meals, canceling a date with... Vicki, I'll do

for a promotion, Anderson.

I hope you're happy.

Another day at the Crazy Lady's.

Good morning, handiwork.

Papa's home.

I'm going to tell you something right now, Eldon. I've had it with old man

Quentin. He swiped my newspaper again.

You know, he thinks he can... Whoa, whoa, whoa. Just a minute here. I got

paper.

Oh. I guess I'll have to replace his car antenna.

They were all out of your favorite Colombian blend.

So I got your second favorite.

Cinema Mocha Decaf.

Which brings me to a subject I'd like to discuss with you.

Now, I know you've become very accustomed to this little morning ritual

but I think it's about time you invested the little big bucks you're supposed to

make into a decent coffee maker.

Styrofoam cups are not biodegradable. Personally, I don't know how much longer

can participate in this careless disregard for the environment, not to

it spills all over my truck.

Great. Nothing about last night. Nothing at all.

You didn't hear a word I said.

Sorry, what?

Forget it.

Here, let's sit back and celebrate the moments of our lives.

Ooh, the funnies. I love the funnies.

Especially Mary Worth. You know, that old broad's full of good advice.

What?

This new cartoon bullseye cracks me up.

Today there's this lady in this tight cowgirl outfit. She's chasing this guy

with a lasso in one hand and a microphone in the other. She says, I got

hankering for a hunk.

Melvin, may I see that, please?

In due time. I'm not finished yet.

But I really want to see it. You got a whole paper there.

Give me that.

Oh.

Adventures of Mouthy Brown?

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute. The hair.

The mouth.

That real big head.

That could be you.

That is you!

I can't believe this. It doesn't even look like me. What kind of hair is that?

And nobody's mouth is that wide. This O'Shea guy can't even draw.

Well, I can see why you're mad.

You do everything big but your chest.

Well, this is an interesting challenge.

I have two choices.

I can let it bother me, or I can be flattered.

I'm flattered.

You don't see him lampooning Leslie Stahl.

I'm more well -known. See, when you get to be in my position, you have to

develop a sense of humor about these things.

I guess I'd better get ready for work.

Good morning, Murphy.

Did you happen to see today's paper?

Yes, I did, Jim. And as I've already explained to Craig, the clarking

Ernie, the janitor, and Murray at the newsstand, I'm okay with it. In fact, I

thought it was funny.

Oh, good for you.

I have to admit, I thought it was funny, too.

You, a floozy in hot pants, chasing some madonnas with your lariat.

Darn, it just tickled me.

And your lips like some giant plunger.

Well, Murphy, I edited Hunk from the West Coast edition.

I also checked all the major papers, and none of the critics picked up on it. I

guess you don't read the funnies.

What's with him?

You didn't see it?

See what?

No big deal.

Pat O'Shea, that new cartoonist at the Post, is getting some mileage out of

night's show.

Oh, this is terrible.

The Adventures of Mouthy Brown.

It's okay, Miles.

You can laugh. I did.

Murphy, you must be furious.

I was just downstairs in the coffee shop reading the newspaper, and there it

was, your face like some giant blowfish in every paper in this country. Look at

the size of that mouth.

It's okay, Corky. I can dish it out. I can take it. You know, if you expect to

be in this business a while, you better learn how to laugh at yourself.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got a lot of research to do.

Hi, Kirky. Hi, Miles.

Hi, Malfi.

Gee, I kind of hope to see you in your cowgirl outfit today.

I guess you'd need a 20 -gallon hat for that head.

Can I have everyone's attention, please?

For the last time, I am not bothered by this.

If you want to know the truth, I'm honored. It's not every day you get to

out with Dick Tracy.

In fact, if I were home, this would go on my refrigerator.

Now, if you'll excuse me, Mouthy Brown has work to do.

Miss Brown, I'm Jerry Barton. I'm the new secretary you asked for.

Oh, hi, Jerry. Nice to meet you.

Thanks. I read the cartoon about you in the paper today. I didn't know you had

that kind of reputation.

I don't.

Uh -huh.

It's a joke.

Teasing.

Right.

So, Jerry, come on.

Busy day.

Now that I've got you here, let's start with some dictation in my office.

Murphy, you missed your good night last night.

I'm kind of busy.

You know, Murphy.

There was a time when you wouldn't have taken this so well. You certainly are

setting a standard of behavior for all the young people around here. I'm

proud of you.

Two. One to man the life raft, and the other to set the ships on fire.

Jerry, I'm behind on my profile of Larry McMurtry. We've got to stay late

tonight. Oh, boy.

Miss Brown, I think we have to have a talk.

Why? What's the problem?

I've noticed the way you look at me.

Like yesterday, when you asked me to get the file on the shuttle program, the

file in the bottom drawer so I'd have to bend over to get it.

Jerry!

Look, Miss Brown, I know you're a big star and I know you're used to getting

what you want, but when I finally give myself to a woman,

it's going to be for love.

But I do love you Jerry.

And I'm not wearing any underwear.

that you'd want to have it as a souvenir.

Frank, could you close the door? Sure.

I can't stand it! I've been white -slipped on TV!

White -slipped for ten years and suddenly I'm the laughingstock of

What's wrong with people? I got awards, Frank, citations. Now all I want to do

is look at this stupid cartoon!

What's the matter with them?

Is this a bad time?

guy takes the cake. If I wanted this kind of ridicule and abuse, I could have

run for vice president.

Hey Frank, Murphy, I thought you'd appreciate this. This is too great.

I just got a call from the affiliate in Miami.

He wants to know if Murphy would be a judge for the Mr. Swimsuit contest.

What's so funny, Miles?

I don't think that's funny. The only thing I think is funny is the image of

eating a t -shirt, 42 long, all...

18th already.

I've had it with these moronic cartoons.

I thought I could be a good sport, but I've learned something.

I'm not a good sport. I am a bad sport.

I am a very, very, very, very, very bad sport.

The only thing left for me to do is to call up this O'Shea character and get to

meet him. Now, wait a minute, Murphy.

If you go in there with your guns blazing, you'll give this guy even more

ammunition to use against you.

Will you give me a little credit? I want him to meet me, get to know me. You'll

see there's a real person here, not just some bigger -than -life personality.

It's hard to take shots at someone you like. You're forgetting something,

What you just described requires a certain amount of self -control on your

I have self -control.

I do.

Good morning.

Pat O'Shea, please.

Hi, Phil.

Not crazy, Beetle Bailey.

It's okay, Phil. Enjoy it while you can. I'm about to meet the man who created

Mountie Brown.

Aw, gee, Murphy.

It's the height of a lunch hour.

If a fight breaks out that's anything like the one you had with Vaughn Hall, I

could lose my life.

I've changed in the past year.

No. I have to.

Murphy Brown.

I'm Pat O'Shea.

Ah, hello there, Pat.

At last we meet.

Why don't we go sit down?

Okay. You know, I wasn't so sure that this was such a good idea.

I've never come face to face with somebody that I've lampooned in my

Well, I was looking forward to meeting you and I thought today would be a good

time to get to know each other.

Then you aren't upset about the comic?

Upset? Me?

No.

Look who's here.

Guys,

what a surprise.

There's somebody I want you to meet. Frank Fontana, Jim Dial, Pat O'Shea.

Pat O'Shea.

The cartoonist. That's right.

You know, Murphy and I have been friends for a long time.

I'd hate to think somebody was making fun of her. Frank. You know...

I'm a real big fan of yours.

Really? Man, the piece you did on organized crime when you infiltrated the

ranks?

Dangerous stuff.

Yeah, well, I guess it comes with the territory.

Somebody has to get those people off the street.

So, you're Pat O'Shea, huh?

I love your work.

And you're Jim Dial.

This is a real thrill to meet you. I've been watching you for years.

You know, when I was a teenager, I worked as a copy boy in the same office

the editorial cartoonist. What a colorful man.

First day, he ordered me into his office and told me to get three ink dryers

before deadline.

I spent the entire day racing from one office to the other, looking for those

darn things.

Well, you know there are no such things as ink dryers. Just a gag you like to

pull on the new copy boys.

Naive boys.

Hardworking boys.

Boys for whom this new job meant everything. That mean, vindictive, dirty

man.

Cartoonists are like that.

Guys, we were having a little talk here.

Pleasure meeting you. Thank you. Nice meeting you.

So, Pat, I'd be fascinated to hear how you got started at the cartoonist.

Well... Hey, Murphy.

Hello, Miles.

And this must be Pat O'Shea.

I'm Miles Silverberg, executive producer of FYI. Oh.

Here to grab some lunch.

I eat here almost every day at this time.

So I thought I'd come by for lunch, like I do almost every day.

Great, Miles. Well, then you know all about the fire ordinance. You're

the aisle.

Murphy's got a great sense of humor.

She could laugh at herself.

You know, it's the really secure ones who can do that, Patrick.

Well, I don't want to interrupt two people who are getting to know each

You know, Pat, we're a lot alike.

We both take big people and cut them down to size.

But it's real important to know when enough's enough.

Sure, sometimes I've gone too far.

But if you're not careful, people are going to stop thinking you're clever and

just start thinking you're mean.

No, I never looked at it that way.

I just never worried about hurting a person's feelings.

Especially someone like you. I didn't think it was possible.

Neither did I.

Look, I can't tell you how much I appreciate you taking time to meet me.

I mean, why would somebody in your stature with a guy just starting out?

Thanks for the advice.

And thanks for Mouthy.

May she rest in peace.

Thanks.

Oh, boy.

Oh, boy.

Miles, have you seen this morning's paper?

No, not yet. Well, take a good look.

Our friend the cartoonist has found a new target.

I open up the darn thing and there I am.

Drawn like some doddering has -been.

Hunched over the news desk in an ill -fitting cardigan.

The old gas bag of broadcasting.

Now, come on now, Jim. Calm down.

Try to have a sense of humor about it. It's only a cartoon.

Only a cartoon?

Look closer, Miles. Anything familiar about that little dog in Murphy's lap?

The one with the glasses and the little blue blazer?

What's your point, Jim? That's you.

That's not me.

How can that be me? It doesn't even look like me. Come on, Miles.

Wake up and smell the Alpo.

Have you guys seen this?

I would like to know why I am in every newspaper from Fort Lauderdale to

Vancouver dressed like some Robin Hood in a tri -cornered hat, a feather boa,

and that striped leotard number. Just what's that supposed to mean?

And what is he getting at when I say I prance for justice?

as mine, Frank.

Are you kidding? At least that dog looks like you. What are you talking about?

I don't have ears like that. But the eyes are good.

Well, looks like Mr. O'Shea has finally shown his true colors.

Unbelievable.

I can see I'm going to be real popular with the guys at the gym.

We've got to get this guy.

You better believe it. Wait a minute. I thought we were supposed to have a sense

of humor and keep some self -control.

I want him dead.

We've seen it. Everyone's seen it.

Murphy, I have worked long and hard to gain the kind of acceptance you enjoy in

this business.

And when I saw myself dressed up like a pom -pom girl in a nationally syndicated

strip, I said, Corky Sherwood, you have finally made it.

I tell you, I got goose flesh.

I could have cried. And I would have if it wasn't for Frank's picture.

Nice tights, Frank.

I know I told you we should be flattered, but this isn't flattering.

It's a put -down.

But the pom -poms.

The megaphone.

The Miss America sash.

This is all your fault, Fido.

Whoa, what are we doing? O'Shea's the one we're mad at.

I'm going to be the voice of reason here. I understand exactly how you're

feeling, but it's important to remember that O'Shea is slime and we have to rise

above him. Besides, there's nothing we can do to this guy that won't make us

look small.

I don't mind that. It's only one time.

Small's okay.

I'll give it some thought.

A visit.

Oh, that's nice. But if you don't mind, I've got a deadline.

I just figured out what FYI means.

Four yakking imbeciles.

And I'm drawing them on the yellow brick road. And I have to finish the monkey

swooping down to get Miles.

Gee, it almost seems as though we never had our little chat yesterday.

Okay, so I lied to you. But if you think I'm going to stop now, you're nuts.

You are the best thing to ever happen to my career.

Now, I may be new in town, but I've been around long enough to know that you are

a big star with a public image to protect.

You can't do anything to me.

You are new in town.

It ain't doing me a real favor here. I was afraid I was going to run out of

material, but boy, you are a veritable fountain of it.

I'm just sorry that I wasn't around before you checked into Betty Ford.

You know something?

You're just mean.

Yeah.

I'm real good at it.

I can put people anywhere, have them say anything.

The ultimate power.

You want to know the best part about it?

I'm going to get rich doing it.

You know something?

I came over here to let you have it.

You know what this is?

A balloon filled with motor oil.

Forty weight.

Here, catch.

And here's one I really am fond of.

Guess what's in this box?

Bean.

Big beans.

Bad beans.

Problem beans.

And here's my personal favorite.

Recognize this?

I was going to bronze it and add it to my collection next to Spiro Agnew's and

Anita Bryant's.

But you know, listening to you changed my mind.

Your sentence is having to live with yourself.

So go do what you want.

I feel sorry for you.

You're pathetic and what you do is pathetic.

My satisfaction is in knowing I'm the kind of person who doesn't need to crawl

in the gutter with you.

Ah, what the hell.