Original subtitles

The way he walked down the street.

Watch the way he shuffled his feet.

My baby's always the one who's proud of things they've never done. Just because

of that, they say.

He's a rebel and he'll never, never be any good.

He's a rebel cause he never, never does what he should. Just because he doesn't

do what everybody else does.

That's no reason.

Come on, Dave. You can't drop out now. We're not going to have enough guys for

game.

Well, how far apart are the contractions?

I think she's just fat, Dave.

And looking for attention.

Dave?

Morning, Frank.

Jim, my man.

I guess with Doris in L .A. It must be kind of lonesome rattling around that

house all by yourself, huh? Actually, I'm enjoying my time alone.

It's been a long time since I've been a bachelor, and I intend to take full

advantage of it. Last night, I ate a sandwich in bed. You wild man!

Tonight, I'm making sloppy joes. Then I'm going to pour myself a brandy, sit

the fire, and read Mickey Spillane. Jim, you're a newsman with a wife out of

town. A newsman doesn't sit home alone and read a book. A newsman comes to my

place for a poker game.

I told you, Frank, I'm not going back to your house until you get a door for

your bathroom.

Besides, I've been waiting a long time to read this book. Please, how often do

ask you for a favor? Come on, Jim, it'd mean a lot to me.

Well, I suppose I could read the book tomorrow night. Great, great. Thanks a

lot, Jim.

Oh, uh, one more thing.

Could you bring cash this time? The guys hate checks.

Which one of you clowns had his hand on my butt?

Come on. You think you're such hot stuff?

Why don't you come out here and try it?

If somebody saw him do it, point him out.

Right. Stick together, you gutless jellyfish.

Oh, no.

Forget it. I'm sorry.

I know, I know, I know. But I'm quitting, I promise. This is my last

This desk smells like the backseat of an old cab. It's disgusting.

I know, I know. But this is it, no more.

Come on, give me a break. No one else in the building wants me. But you were a

smoker. I figured you would give me a chance.

Well, okay.

But if I see you light up, you're out of here.

Absolutely, no problem. Fair enough. Look, I really appreciate this.

I'm putting this one out, see?

and personnel hates me.

Morning, Frank.

Hey, Murph. Whoa, serious perfume.

What's the occasion? Heavy lunch date? Little afternoon rendezvous?

It's just perfume, Frank. Off of one of those sample cards from a magazine.

Ooh, someone's wearing Reef Coach perfume.

I went a little overboard with the mousse this morning.

Who is he, Murphy? Tell me everything.

I don't have time for this. I'm expecting my guest for next week's show.

if you'll both excuse me. Whoa, whoa. Guest for next week's show, huh? Who is

he? Dr. Victor Rudman.

One of the most brilliant minds in the world today. He's probably going to win

the Nobel Prize in physics.

And I'll bet he's really, really cute, too.

I have no idea. We've only talked on the phone. Let me get this straight. You

put on perfume for a physicist.

What's your point, Frank?

Nothing. It's just I guess I have a hard time seeing you with a guy who has a

clip -on bow tie and a thousand pens in his shirt pocket.

It's true, Murphy.

Just because you've entered that category known as mature woman doesn't

have to throw yourself at a dork.

Dr. Rudman may be a genius, but there's no reason why he has to be a dork.

Murphy, I'm a little worried about this dork interview.

I don't believe this. I'm having a hard time picturing it, Murphy. A guy who

probably wears his pants up under his armpits spends 20 minutes of my airtime

lecturing about stuff we don't care about. And the rest of the time, he's

his finger up his nose.

I'm interested with you guys. We're talking about a man who's going to win

Nobel Prize.

For what?

Fractal. Tell similar non -Euclidean geometrical objects which occur in

Oh, boy.

This one's a nose picker for sure.

Victor Rudman is a modern -day Einstein.

We have to have him on the show. I want to explore the mind of a genius. I want

to know what makes him different from you and me.

He doesn't use Kleenex.

Telling you I spent time with him on the phone. He's brilliant and eloquent and

passionate about his work. I'm really looking forward to meeting this guy.

Start picking out that china pattern.

Excuse me.

Hello. I'm Murphy Brown.

What a thrill it is to meet you.

Oh, geez. Nice meeting you, too.

I'm looking for the graphics department. Do you know where that is?

Yes, yes, I do. It's one floor up. Have a pleasant day.

You too.

What do I look like, an information booth?

What's the matter, Murphy? A little disappointed?

Frank, I'm just trying to do my job.

Miss Brown?

Yes?

I'm Victor Rudman.

Ah, yes, you are indeed.

Murphy Brown, but you probably knew that. Uh, Dr. Rudman, I can't tell you

a pleasure it is to finally meet you.

Well, after all our phone conversations, I feel like I already know you,

although there's no substitute for meeting someone face to face.

No. No, there isn't. Let me introduce you to everybody.

This is Miles Silverberg, Corky Sherwood, Frank Fontana, Victor Dorkman.

Dorkman!

office. Let's go into it. Ready where you are. Right this way.

Come on, Jim.

I can read it all over you.

The wife's out of town and you're lonely.

Look, it took some doing, but I managed to change my schedule.

I'm taking you out tomorrow night. The two caballeros. Miles, I appreciate the

invitation, but I already have plans.

I'm going to make a fire.

pour myself a little brandy, and read Mickey Spillane.

I want to do this, Jim, because I care about you.

Not just as a producer, but as a friend.

You know, most people around here have a hard time thinking of me as their

friend.

They don't realize how difficult being the boss can be.

People treat me differently.

They don't include me.

Sometimes I feel very alienated.

Well, since you've gone to all this trouble, I...

I guess I could go out with you tomorrow.

All right.

I got a ticket to the Laugh Factory. My favorite comedian's going to be there.

The one who smashes watermelons with a sledgehammer?

Bring a raincoat.

So, there we were, Carl Sagan and I, sitting at a table, arguing about

or not the universe is expanding.

And the check comes. And we can't figure 15 % of $38 .26.

All I can say is, Victor, I wish I'd had a physics professor like you in

college. I can't tell you how useful it is for a person like me to know how to

make stink bombs out of everyday items.

I toss them in the dean's office whenever I want more lab space.

I guess I'd better get to my conference.

If you have any more questions for me, we could get together this evening.

Oh, I'm sure I have enough information for the interview.

Well, maybe we could just have dinner then.

You mean a date?

Yes, a date.

I'm sorry, but I have a policy of not dating people I'm about to interview.

Of course.

You have to maintain your objectivity. As a scientist, I can understand that.

Well, I'll see you Wednesday on the air. Looking forward to it.

Wow, that was close.

Great thinking, Murph. Great save. What are you talking about?

The dating policy bit? Perfect excuse.

It isn't an excuse. It is my policy.

Oh. Okay, so he's no Mel Gibson, but he's funny and interesting and he has an

incredible intellect. A lot of women find that very attractive.

You know, the brain is a sexual organ. Yeah, I always look forward to the

swimsuit edition of Scientific American.

exactly what I'd expect of you.

You know, I'd like to think that women are capable of looking a little deeper.

She's absolutely right.

But in all good conscience, Murphy, I can't encourage you to do this.

I'd like to think the children would get your looks and his brains, but what if

you wind up with short -tempered kids who run like Jerry Lewis?

I'm busy.

I want you to place an overseas call to Stockholm and tell them I'd like some

file footage of past Nobel Prize ceremonies.

Then I'd like you to arrange for the footage to be shipped to our editor,

Jerry and tell him to be on the lookout for it. Then later this afternoon, take

it to the library and pull everything you can on fractals.

Then take that to my copywriter and tell her I want to meet with her before the

end of the day.

Got that?

Oh, and one other thing.

You're fired.

Shit!

The important thing is to keep yourself open to everything without

judging or censoring. You never know where inspiration will come from.

Could you give me an example, Dr. Rudman? Sure. A crap table in Atlantic

You were inspired by a crap table?

Yes, and the fact that I just lost $200.

Then I remembered a quote of Einstein's.

He said, I don't believe that God plays dice with the universe.

I decided to see if he was right. I went back to the lab and designed a graph to

chart out random throws of dice.

What I found wasn't random at all, but a pattern.

So why not go back to Atlantic City and become a millionaire?

Unfortunately, the pattern works for millions of throws, not for five or ten.

The point is, if you can find a pattern in the toss of dice, you can find a

pattern in other events that we think are random. In the future, we will be

to predict hurricanes, tornadoes, traffic jams in the right combination.

Fractal equations can be a key to unlocking incredible mysteries.

The ability to find harmony and order in a chaotic world. A definition of

fractals, perhaps the definition of genius.

Jim? Thank you, Murphy. And thank you, Dr. Rudman, for a fascinating visit.

This has been another edition of FYI. Good night.

And we're clear.

Victor, that was terrific.

You made it incredibly easy. Got it.

I've got to admit, I was a little worried about this interview, but I

enjoyed it. When you win the Nobel Prize, maybe you can come back. If you

ask for a limo. I'd prefer to negotiate a date with you.

I thought now that the interview was over, I would try again.

Well... I'd love to go out with you, Victor.

Great. What about Saturday night?

Oh, gee, Saturday.

That's the American Film Museum's annual benefit dinner.

But...

As it turns out, I don't have a date yet. Would you like to go with me?

Oh, well... Although I completely understand if you don't want to. It's

those glitzy show business evenings. They can get pretty silly.

Actually, this isn't a good idea.

Maybe we could plan something else. Don't worry about me. It sounds like

You're sure?

Absolutely. I'll call you tomorrow. You can tell me what time to pick you up.

Goodbye, everyone.

Well,

there was this book I was planning to read. Sure, I understand.

See, I told you, he's a big thar. Why would he want to go bowling with us?

But the more I think about it, the more bowling sounds like a great idea.

Eldon! I need you!

You know, that voice of yours cuts through this house like a buzzsaw.

What if I had been up on a ladder? I could have been killed.

Could you just please help me on with this bracelet?

I see we brought out the heavy artillery.

You hoping to get lucky tonight?

kind of a date, Eldon.

And actually, that's something I wanted to talk to you about. The man I'm going

out with tonight is a little different from the other men I usually go out

So when he gets here, don't feel the need to make any comment, okay?

What, is he missing something?

He's a very smart man. Brilliant.

A scientist.

He doesn't have time to worry about appearances.

You're going out with a dork.

I mean, you may not be my type, but you should be able to do all right for

yourself. Some guys like bony.

I'm going out with him because I want to, Eldon. He may, in fact, be the

smartest man.

And frankly, a few hours of fun at a fancy party with me may give him

to remember when he's back at his computer working to better the quality

human life.

It's the least I can do.

I can't wait to see this guy.

I'm warning you, Eldon. Don't say anything.

Victor!

You look wonderful.

I'm sorry about the tux. I tried to get it in a red brocade, but they didn't

have my size.

Don't worry. This is fine.

Hello there, Victor.

I'm Eldon Bernegy.

I understand you've got a brain they're going to pickle after you're dead.

Eldon!

Just, uh, I'm making conversation.

So, uh, what do you do?

I'm a physicist.

Oh, really? What kind of physics do you do? It's very complicated, Eldon. I

study fractals.

Oh, right. Self -similar non -Euclidean geometrical objects which occur in

nature.

How did you know that, Eldon? How?

I studied fractal art. You take your computer, you take a bunch of random

numbers and assign a fractal equation to each one. Then assign a color to each

fractal based on how far and how fast they move away from a certain point in

grid. It's kind of complicated, Murphy.

We have to go, Victor. Right.

Oh, well, Mr. Bernicke, it's been a pleasure meeting you. Perhaps next time

in town, we can run some programs through my computer.

Color me there.

Good night, Eldon.

Just a second.

Excuse me. She'll be with you in a nanosecond.

But don't worry. I'll be gone before you get back. I know you want your privacy.

This guy looks like a howler.

Hey, it's Murphy Brown.

Right there,

please.

Sorry about this, Victor. I know it's a little awkward, but it'll be over in a

moment. Don't worry about me. I'll be fine.

Mr. Brown, can we get one more shot of you and your date?

Do you mind, Victor?

No problem.

Who is your date? Dr. Victor Rudman. R -U -D -M -A -N.

Victor.

Okay, you've got enough now, I think.

Well, we have time for just one more, don't we?

Thanks, Miss Brown.

Doc, anytime.

Gee, Victor, you handle that like a pro.

Go with the flow, I always say.

Can't let things get to you when you're out to have a good time.

Gosh, look at this.

Ah, I know it's not the faculty club, so if you're uncomfortable, we don't have

to say. Uh -huh. What do you want to do first? Work the room a little?

Find out who's here?

Somebody said Cher was going to show. I love her.

Maybe we should grab a table first. I see one. Come on.

Oh, wait a minute. The libations have arrived. I'll just take one of these and

one for the lady. Oh, no, thanks, but I'll have a club soda when you get the

chance. I guess it's up to me.

And here's a little something for your college fund.

Here's looking at you, kid.

Come on, let's take a little spin around the dance floor. Work up an appetite.

Victor, because I like and respect you, I'm going to be honest with you.

Just because you're out with a celebrity doesn't mean you have to act

differently to impress me.

I'm not.

I guess what I mean is, I understand you don't get out of the lab very often,

and you probably haven't just let go in a really long time, but...

You have to pace yourself.

Are you kidding?

I get out every weekend.

Club, discos, you name it.

Hey, we could all be dead tomorrow.

Like I said in an interview, you've got to live in the moment.

Let the universe touch you, and you've got to touch the universe.

Victor, it's not the universe you're touching.

Come on. You know you want to dance. Let's shake that booty.

So, Victor, did I tell you about that book I read last week, The Beauty of

Fractals by Heinz Otto Pitkin? Why don't you sit here and explain it to me? Give

me a break, Murphy. I talk about that stuff all week.

Victor, you know what I was really looking forward to? An evening of great

conversation about ideas and concepts with a man I respect and admire.

Murphy. Just because I'm a genius doesn't mean I'm not allowed to get

Come on, let's do it. I don't want to.

Hi, Merv.

Dr. Rudman. You two having a good time? Well, I'm trying to, but I'm not getting

much help.

What about you, Slim?

Want to dance?

I'm not allowed to.

I'm Amish.

Amish! That's great. I love it.

Oh, God, it's worse than I thought.

Everybody's talking about me, aren't they? I don't know how to control him. I

thought about bringing him down with the tranquilizer dart, but there's too many

photographers.

Boogie on down, sweet thing.

God, he's trying to lift her over his head.

What are those, Donald Duck panties?

You better cut in, Frank.

Hi, Murphy. Having a good time?

Mile. It's an evening I'll never forget.

Ooh, what a workout.

And who might this be?

Dr. Victor Rudman. This is Mimi Edelson. Mimi.

You're funny little good -for -nothing Mimi.

Dr.

Rudman may win the Nobel Prize.

Great outfit.

Have you ever thought of a career as a...

with the ACLU.

Want to see my briefs?

I guess we'll see you later.

Remember, Miles, if you're going to love, wear the glove.

What about it, babe?

You want to party?

No, Victor, I don't want to party. Not now, not ever.

You know, I got to tell you something.

You're not at all... what I expected. For a big network star, you're no ride

the Ferris wheel, if you know what I mean. Okay, that's it. I've had it with

you, Victor. This has been the worst evening of my life, and that includes

Bulgarian soccer team incident.

You have embarrassed me, you have embarrassed my friends. You have proven

most painful of all ways that you can't judge a book by its cover, but you can

judge it by its ugly plaid jacket.

You know what you need?

A sponge bath!

You dork!

Thought you might need some company, Slugger.

Where's the genius?

Over there.

Dirty dancing with Marilyn Quayle.

You know, I could have taken him out to coffee or to Phil's for a burger, but oh

no, I had to prove a point in a big public place with everyone I know

Did I ever tell you my Ernest Hemingway story?

No. Ernest Hemingway was my idol.

For years, I dreamt of meeting him.

Finally, I did.

I was in Spain doing a story on Franco.

I was sitting in a bar in Pamplona when suddenly a wine bottle whistled by my

head. It was Hemingway.

He had mistaken me for a slow -witted waiter.

We had a few drinks.

I had two.

He had ten.

Then he tried to talk me into running the bulls.

I had a slight hamstring pull, so I begged off.

He called me a pansy.

Gee, Jim, I'm sorry.

I still love his writing, even though I can't say much for the man.

I suppose you're right. I have such respect for Victor's work, I really put

on a pedestal. It was unfair of me to want him to be a saint.

I mean, he has the same right to be a jerk just like everybody else. There you

go.

What happened after Hemingway called you a pansy? I busted him in the snout.

Really?

Would you excuse me a minute?

Oh, Victor!