Original subtitles

>> Lou: FROM HOLLYWOOD - IT'S

"JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE!"

TONIGHT --

ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER,

AND AIMEE LOU WOOD.

WITH CLETO AND THE CLETONES.

AND NOW, JIMMY KIMMEL!

♪

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

>> Jimmy: I APPRECIATE THAT.

HI.

VERY NICE.

THANK YOU FOR COMING.

I'M JIMMY, I'M THE HOST OF THE

SHOW.

THANKS FOR WATCHING.

THANK YOU FOR JOINING US HERE IN

LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA, ON

BASKETBALL NIGHT IN AMERICA.

FROM THE HEART OF AMERICAN

BASKETBALL, INDIANA.

A SPECIAL WELCOME TO THOSE OF

YOU WHO WATCHED THE PACERS

PLAY THE THUNDER.

A FEW MINUTES FROM NOW, I'M

GOING TO ASK ARNOLD

SCHWARZENEGGER TO SAY "INDIANA

PACERS" AND OKLAHOMA CITY

THUNDER."

AND WHICHEVER ONE SOUNDS

FUNNIEST, I'M BETTING ON THAT

TEAM TO WIN IT ALL.

[ APPLAUSE ]

WE ARE ALSO FOLLOWING THE DIDDY

TRIAL FROM L.A., WHICH HAD AN

NBA TWIST.

I DON'T KNOW IF YOU HEARD THIS.

THE COURT HEARD TESTIMONY FROM A

WOMAN, WHO IS USING THE

PSEUDONYM "JANE."

"JANE" WAS DIDDY'S GIRLFRIEND.

SHE TOLD THE COURT THAT DIDDY

HAD NICKNAMES FOR THE

PARTICIPANTS IN HIS THREESOMES.

HE WOULD CALL HIMSELF MICHAEL

JORDAN.

[ LAUGHTER ]

SHE WAS KOBE.

AND WHATEVER MALE ESCORT THEY

HIRED WAS SHAQ.

[ LAUGHTER ]

AND DIDDY'S PENIS WAS "MAGIC

JOHNSON."

[ LAUGHTER ]

[ RIM SHOT ]

AND IF THAT WASN'T BAD ENOUGH,

DIDDY'S MOTHER WAS THERE

TO HEAR THIS.

REPORTS SAID THAT WHEN SHE

ENTERED THE COURTROOM, HE

CHECKED IN.

HE ASKED HER IF SHE'D EATEN

ANYTHING.

SHE SAID, "I DID EAT."

THEN HE TOLD HER, "GET READY TO

THROW UP."

[ LAUGHTER ]

HIS MOTHER, SISTER AND THREE

SONS WERE IN THE COURTROOM,

LISTENING TO HIS EX TALK ABOUT

THESE ORGIES.

NOT THE IDEAL "TAKE YOUR FAMILY

TO WORK DAY."

[ LAUGHTER ]

PEOPLE HAVE BEEN LINING UP

AROUND THE BLOG TO GET SEATS IN

THIS COURTROOM.

THEY HAD TO LUBE EVERYONE UP

BIT BABY OIL --

[ LAUGHTER ]

JUST TO SQUEEZE THEM ALL IN.

JANE ALSO TESTIFIED THAT DIDDY'S

FAVORITE SHOW WAS "DATELINE."

SHE WOULD FEED HIM AND THEN

WATCH IT WITH HIM UNTIL HE FELL

ASLEEP.

WHICH IS INTERESTING, BECAUSE,

LAST MONTH, "DATELINE" HAD A

FULL 60-MINUTE EPISODE ABOUT

DIDDY AND THIS WHOLE THING.

IN OTHER WORDS, HE MADE IT!

CONGRATULATIONS.

[ LAUGHTER ]

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

IT'S FUN TO BE ON YOUR FAVORITE

SHOW.

WE HAVE ANOTHER LEGAL ITEM OF

NOTE.

THE ARTIST FORMERLY KNOWN AS

KANYE WEST APPEARS TO BE TRYING

TO OUT-DIDDY DIDDY.

ACCORDING TO RECENT BUSINESS

FILINGS MADE HERE IN CALIFORNIA,

KANYE, WHO'S KNOWN AS YE, WOULD

NOW LIKE TO BE KNOWN AS "YE YE."

HE'S ONE STEP AWAY FROM CHANGING

HIS NAME TO A SYMBOL LIKE

PRINCE DID.

AND I HAVE A FEELING I KNOW

WHICH SYMBOL THAT'S GOING TO BE.

[ LAUGHTER AND MOANS ]

REMEMBER WHEN KANYE SOLD A BUNCH

OF CLOTHES IN SACKS AT THE GAP

AND WE THOUGHT, OH, THIS IS AS

CRAZY AS HE'LL EVER GET?

WELL, NO.

IT MUST BE HARD FOR KANYE.

NO MATTER WHAT HE DOES TO GET

OUR ATTENTION, NOT EVER EVEN

HALF AS CRAZY AS DONYE TRUMP.

[ LAUGHTER ]

THE NATIONAL GUARD AND MARINES

ARE OCCUPYING DOWNTOWN LOS

ANGELES TO STOP THE IMAGINARY

RIOTS THAT ARE TAKING PLACE

EXCLUSIVELY IN THE PRESIDENT'S

HEAD.

AHEAD OF HIS BIG NORTH

KOREA-STYLE BIRTHDAY PARADE THIS

WEEKEND, TRUMP SPOKE TO THE

TROOPS AT FORT BRAGG, THE

MILITARY BASE NAMED AFTER HIM,

WHERE HE REGALED THEM WITH A

SLEW OF INSULTS ABOUT L.A.

>> WITHIN THE SPAN OF A FEW

DECADES, LOS ANGELES HAS GONE

FROM BEING ONE OF THE CLEANEST,

SAFEST, AND MOST BEAUTIFUL

CITIES ON EARTH TO BEING A TRASH

HEAP.

>> Jimmy: OKAY, NOW LET ME TELL

YOU SOMETHING.

I MOVED HERE TO LOS ANGELES IN

1994, I'VE BEEN HERE FOR MORE

THAN 30 YEARS.

IT WAS ALWAYS A TRASH HEAP,

OKAY?

[ LAUGHTER ]

THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH --

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

-- WITH ANYTHING.

I FIND IT ESPECIALLY RICH COMING

FROM THE GUY WHO SINGLE-HANDEDLY

TURNED ATLANTIC CITY INTO A

RUSTED-OUT, SYRINGE-FILLED

RACCOON'S NEST.

[ LAUGHTER ]

THE PENTAGON ESTIMATES THAT THIS

NATIONAL GUARD STUNT OF HIS WILL

COST AT LEAST $135 MILLION.

THERE HAS BEEN SO MUCH

MISINFORMATION.

SO MUCH CHERRY PICKING.

WHEN IT COMES TO WHAT THEY SHOW

ON TV.

I MEAN, IF YOU TURN ON FOX NEWS

YOU'D THINK L.A. WAS GETTING

INVADED BY MORE ALIENS THAN THE

MOVIE "MARS ATTACKS."

[ LAUGHTER ]

THEY ARE WORKING SO HARD TO MAKE

THIS SEEM LIKE A LAWLESS

BATTLEGROUND.

YOU GUYS ARE HERE IN L.A.

DOES IT SEEM LIKE A LAWLESS

BATTLEGROUND TO YOU RIGHT NOW?

[ AUDIENCE: NO ]

I THINK I MIGHT HAVE FOUND WHAT

SET DONNIE OFF.

I THINK IT STARTED WITH ONE

PROTESTER, THIS GUY.

[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]

WHO APPARENTLY HAS INFORMATION

SAYING THAT HAS A CHODE.

[ LAUGHTER ]

THAT IS VERY RUDE.

IT'S NOT A CHODE, HIS SON'S NAME

IS ERIC.

[ LAUGHTER ]

FOUR HOURS LATER, HE SENT IN THE

NATIONAL GUARD!

I'M GETTING TEXTS FROM PEOPLE I

KNOW AROUND THE COUNTRY ASKING

ARE YOU OKAY?

YEAH, WE'RE OKAY.

THE ONLY PROBLEM WE HAVE THIS IS

LUNATIC.

HE'S ACTING LIKE WE'RE BURNING

THE CITY TO THE GROUND.

LET ME GIVE THOSE OF YOU WHO

LIVE HERE A SENSE OF THE

TERRAIN HERE IN SOUTHERN

CALIFORNIA.

SOME VISUAL PERSPECTIVE.

THIS IS L.A. COUNTY.

IT COVERS MORE THAN 4,000 SQUARE

MILES.

THIS IS THE CITY OF LOS ANGELES.

IT'S BIG ENOUGH TO FIT THE LAND

AREA OF SEVEN MAJOR U.S. CITIES

AT THE SAME TIME.

AND THIS IS THE PROTEST AREA.

RIGHT THERE.

[ LAUGHTER ]

THAT'S IT.

THIS IS THE EMERGENCY EQUIVALENT

OF HAVING A MOSQUITO BITE ON

YOUR BODY.

[ LAUGHTER ]

BUT THAT DOESN'T STOP GENERAL

USELESS S. GRANT, WHO GAVE THE

YOUNG ARMY MEN AND WOMEN AT FORT

BRAGG --

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

-- A WILDLY INAPPROPRIATE AND

RIDICULOUS SPEECH, YEAH.

FROM A LYING, BOASTING, AND

SAYING SOME REALLY TRULY DUMB

THINGS.

>> WE HAD A GROSSLY, GROSSLY

UNFIT PRESIDENT WHO LISTENED TO

WHOEVER WAS OPERATING THE AUTO

PEN.

AND THEY ALLOWED THESE PEOPLE TO

SAY -- AND BY THE WAY, I'VE

KNOWN THIS GUY FOR A LONG TIME.

HE WAS NEVER THE SHARPEST BULB.

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> Jimmy: TRUE.

HE WASN'T.

HE WAS A ROUND BULB, BUT THAT'S

TRUMP.

[ LAUGHTER ]

HE'S NOT THE BRIGHTEST KNIFE IN

THE DRAWER.

[ LAUGHTER ]

SOME SAY HE'S TWO TACOS SHORT OF

A HAPPY MEAL.

[ LAUGHTER ]

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

ACCORDING TO "ROLLING STONE,"

THE PENTAGON HANDPICKED THE

GROUP OF SOLDIERS THEY PUT

BEHIND HIM FOR THE SPEECH TO

MAKE SURE THEY DIDN'T HAVE

OPPOSING POLITICAL VIEWS.

AND THEY ALSO DIDN'T WANT ANY

"FAT SOLDIERS" BACK THERE.

FOR REAL.

[ LAUGHTER ]

WHICH NOT ONLY IS THAT

RIDICULOUS.

ALL YOU ACHIEVE BY DOING THAT IS

TO MAKE TRUMP LOOK FATTER.

[ LAUGHTER ]

"THE NEW YORK TIMES" REPORTED

TODAY THAT ELON MUSK CALLED

TRUMP TO, I DON'T KNOW, BUTTER

HIM BACK UP.

AND IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT

LAST NIGHT, ELON TWEETED --

"I REGRET SOME OF MY POSTS ABOUT

PRESIDENT @REALDONALDTRUMP LAST

WEEK.

THEY WENT TOO FAR."

[ LAUGHTER ]

WHICH ONES WENT TOO FAR?

WAS IT THE ONE WHERE YOU CALLED

FOR HIM TO BE IMPEACHED AND

REPLACED BY J.D. VANCE?

WAS IT THE ONE WHERE YOU SAID

HIS BIG BEAUTIFUL BILL WAS A

DISGUSTING ABOMINATION?

WAS IT THE ONE THAT SAID HE

WOULDN'T HAVE WON THE ELECTION

WITHOUT YOU BUYING IT FOR HIM?

OR THE ONE WHERE YOU INSINUATED

HE IS A PEDOPHILE?

ON THE EPSTEIN LIST?

I REALLY WOULD LIKE TO KNOW.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

SADLY, FOR ELON MUSK, I'M NOT

SURE THE APOLOGY WORKED.

BECAUSE YOU KNOW THE CAR TRUMP

MADE A BIG SHOW OF BUYING FROM

HIM?

IT'S FOR SALE.

[ LAUGHTER ]

HERE IT IS ON CRAIGSLIST.

"FOR SALE: TESLER, NEVER USED.

MAGA RED AND EVERYTHING IS

COMPUTER."

[ LAUGHTER ]

OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT?

ENOUGH ABOUT THAT

BASKETBALL-HEAD.

LET'S GET BACK TO THE NBA

FINALS.

TONIGHT, IT WAS THE FIRST FINALS

GAME IN INDIANA SINCE THE YEAR

2000, WHICH BACK WHEN, OUR

BIGGEST CONCERN WAS IF WE COULD

GET TICKETS TO SEE "BIG MOMMA'S

HOUSE" IN THE THEATER.

GOING INTO GAME ONE, THE THUNDER

HAD ONLY LOST AT HOME ONCE

DURING THE PLAYOFFS.

THAT WAS UNTIL INDIANA POINT

GUARD TYRESE HALIBURTON HIT A

GAME-WINNER WITH LESS THAN A

SECOND LEFT AND IGNITED THE

PASSION OF THE PACERS FANBASE.

>> I BELIEVE!

I BELIEVED THE WHOLE TIME.

IT FELT LIKE ONE OF THOSE GAMES.

WE LOVE BASKETBALL HERE!

SOYBEANS ARE MOSTLY BASKETBALL!

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> Jimmy: ALSO SOY.

GO SOY!

YOU KNOW, BASKETBALL SEASON'S

ENDING, BUT SOYBEAN SEASON IS

JUST GETTING STARTED!

[ LAUGHTER ]

EVERY YEAR, DURING THE FINALS,

WE HAVE SOME FUN AT THE GAME

WITH A HARDCORE FAN.

WHAT WE DO IS WE STOP SOMEONE

WHO'S ON THE WAY OUT OF THE

BATHROOM BACK TO THEIR SEAT TO

SEE HOW LONG WE CAN KEEP THEM

THERE.

SO WE SENT A CREW TO OKLAHOMA

CITY, WE FOUND A THUNDER FAN

DURING THE FOURTH QUARTER OF

GAME ONE, AND WE DID EVERYTHING

IN OUR POWER TO KEEP HIM WITH US

ON CAMERA IN OUR 2025 NBA FINALS

EDITION OF "CLOCK BLOCKERS."

♪

>> WHAT'S COUNTER NAME?

>> BRIAN SMITH FROM OKLAHOMA

CITY.

>> BIG THUNDER FAN?

>> SINCE 2008, SEASON TICKET

HOLDER.

>> FANTASTIC.

YOU WAITED 13 YEARS TO SEE YOUR

TEAM BACK IN THE FINALS.

WE DON'T WANT TO WASTE THIS

OPPORTUNITY.

>> NO PROBLEM, NO PROBLEM.

>> WE DON'T WANT TO WASTE YOUR

TIME, DILLY DALLY --

>> YOU'RE NOT WASTING OUR TIME.

>> SCREW AROUND, FART ABOUT --

>> OKC, LET'S GO THUNDER!

>> WE'RE LOOKING FOR SOMEONE TO

BE THE NEW ARENA CHARACTER.

>> CHARACTER, I'M A CHARACTER.

>> IT'S CALLED A GAME CLOCK.

>> OH, SEE THE GRAY HAIR?

>> LET'S GET YOU INSIDE THIS

CLOCK REAL QUICK.

>> HEY, I'M THE GAME CLOCK!

IT'S THUNDER TIME RIGHT NOW,

BABY, IT'S THUNDER TIME!

THAT'S WHAT TIME IT IS.

LET'S GO, THUNDER!

>> THAT'S GREAT.

WE WANT TO GET YOU BACK TO YOUR

SEAT AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.

MISSING A GREAT GAME.

WE JUST NEED YOU TO RECORD SOME

QUICK MESSAGES.

>> IT'S 10:00 CENTRAL STANDARD

TIME.

>> THE HANDS ARE RED.

>> IT'S 10:00 OKC TIME.

DO YOU KNOW WHERE YOUR CHILDREN

IS?

LISA STEVENS IN SECTION 246 ROW

12, IS IT A TIME YOU FORGET

BRIAN?

>> SORRY, IT'S JEFF.

>> ISN'T IT TAME YOU FORGAVE

JEFF?

TIKTOK, IF YOU'RE OVER 50, IT'S

TIME TO GET YOUR COLON CHECKED.

>> WE ARE MISSING THE GAME OF

THE YEAR.

LET'S GET YOU TO DO SOME ADS FOR

LOCAL BUSINESSES.

>> BEEP, BEEP!

IT'S TIME TO CHANGE YOUR CAR'S

OIL.

REMEMBER McGILL MORTUARY WHEN

YOUR TIME IS UP.

I'VE HAD JUST ENOUGH BEER TO TRY

TO -- IS THIS A DREAM, OR AM

I -- TOO MUCH, TICK YOU OFF.

YOU NEED TO TALK TO THE TEAM AT

BENNIE'S BAIL BONDS.

>> WE GOT THAT ONE, LET'S TRY

THIS ONE.

>> I'VE HAD TOO MANY BEERS.

TIKTOK, TIKTOK!

IF YOU'RE TICKER'S TOOKING, TAKE

A QUICK LISTEN AND TAKE THAT

TICK TOCKING TICKER TO THE

TICKER DOC BEFORE YOUR TICK

TOCKING TICKER GETS ROCKED.

DR. T KICHLT KA T. M.D., THE

TI

TICKER TOCK THAT DOESN'T STOP.

>> THIS IS SOME GAME.

>> IF SWISS WRISTWATCHES ARE

SWISS WRISTWATCHES ON THE CORNER

OF SOUTH SWAMPWORE AND

SUSQUEHANNA, 17 SWITCHBACK.

>> THAT WAS GREAT, BOY, YOU

NAILED THAT ONE.

WE'RE GOING TOWING YOU OUT OF

HERE.

ONE MORE AD.

>> MAKE A MOVE TO MARVELOUS MAX

MEATS SMOOTHIE SHACK.

THIS THICK SHAKE'S MADE OF SIX

SIRLOIN STEAKS.

OH, MY GOD, I'M CHEWING IT NOW.

>> YEAH, IT'S A LOT OF MEAT.

>> IT'S STILL IN MY MOUTH, I

CAN'T GET IT OUT OF MY MOUTH.

ANYBODY TELL ME, ARE WE WINNING?

>> THIS IS THE CUCKOO CLOCK.

WE'RE GOING TO GO 1:00 --

>> IT'S 1:00, CUCKOO!

>> IT'S 2:00.

>> CUCKOO, CUCKOO!

>> IT'S 3:00.

>> CUCKOO, CUCKOO, CUCKOO!

>> IT'S 4:00.

>> CUCKOO, CUCKOO --

>> 6:00.

>> CUCKOO, CUCKOO, CUCKOO,

CUCKOO --

>> MOVE IT UP TO 7:00.

>> I STILL HAVE THE SMOKE SHACK

IN MY MOUTH.

>> THERE'S SIX SIRLOIN STEAKS IN

IT.

>> I'M HYPERVENT HITTING.

>> ALMOST THERE, 10:00.

>> CUCKOO, CUCKOO, CUCKOO,

CUCKOO, CUCKOO, CUCKOO --

>> NOW YOU'RE THE DOOMSDAY

CLOCK, READY?

IT'S 7 SECONDS TO MIDNIGHT.

STOCK UP WITH DISCIPLINETY OF

SLOSHING BURGERS POTATO POPS.

>> WHAT?

>> SLOSHING BURGERS POTATO POPS.

>> IT'S 7 SECONDS TO MIDNIGHT,

IT'S TIME TO STOCK UP ON SLAUS

SEN BERGERS POTATO POPS.

>> ARMAGEDDON HUNGRY.

>> I'M GETTING HUNGRY.

>> ARMAGEDDON.

OH MY GOT, THE SHOT OF THE YEAR!

OH, MY GOD, THE SHOT OF THE

YEAR!

>> MY THUNDER.

MY BOY.

>> OKAY.

SO LAST ONE.

FOR A LOCAL LOCKSMITH.

>> LOCKSMITH.

>> LOCAL LOCKSMITH.

WE HAVE CUFFS, WE'RE GOING TO

PUT CUFFS ON YOU.

>> MY HAIR, MY HAIR'S IN --

YEAH, THANK YOU.

DON'T LET CONSTIPATION LOCK YOU

UP!

>> WITH FARMER FRIEND'S FIBER

CHEW.

>> WITH FARMER FRIEND'S FIBER

CHEW.

>> HERE YOU GO, HERE.

>> OH, MY GOD.

THIS GAME IS INSANE.

>> IS OPIOID TREATMENT LEAVING

YOU LOCKED UP?

STOP THE CONSTTATION WITH FARMER

FRIENDS FUZZY FIBER JUICE.

HELP YOUR COLON BREAK FREE.

>> THAT'S ENOUGH, BREAK THE

HANDCUFFS.

THESE CUFFS AREN'T BREAKING.

THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO BE BREAKABLE

CUFFS.

THEY'RE REAL CUFFS?

>> WHAT HAPPENED?

>> THEY'RE NOT BREAKABLE?

THEY'RE NOT BREAKABLE.

>> HAVE YOU BEEN ACCIDENTALLY

LOCKED IN HANDCUFFS?

CALL LUCKY LARRY, THE

LICKETY-SPLIT LOCKSMITH.

SIMPLY ENTER PROMO CODE, LUCKY

LENNY LOCKSMITH LOVES LEOPARDS

AND HIS LEMONADE LEPRECHAUNS

LEAPING LIKE LEMONS.

>> YOU DID IT!

YOU DID IT.

NICE, UP TOP.

YOU CAN KEEP THOSE.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

>> Jimmy: WELL, GOD BLESS HIM.

SORRY, BRIAN.

WE GOT A FUN SHOW FOR YOU

TONIGHT.

FROM "THE WHITE LOTUS,"

AIMEE LOU WOOD IS HERE AND WE'LL

BE RIGHT BACK WITH

ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

SO STICK AROUND!

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

♪

>> Jimmy: HI, WELCOME BACK.

TONIGHT, YOU KNOW HER FROM "THE

WHITE LOTUS."

AIMEE LOU WOOD IS WITH US.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

TOMORROW NIGHT, CASTMATE TOM

ROCKWELL WILL BE HERE.

GLENNON DOYLE WILL JOIN US WITH

MUSIC FROM VALERIE JUNE.

OUR FIRST GUEST IS A FIVE-TIME

MR. UNIVERSE AND TWO-TERM

GOVERNOR OF CALIFORNIA, WHO NOW

LIVES IN A PETTING ZOO.

HE HAS A POPULAR SERIES CALLED

"FUBAR" WHICH RETURNS TO NETFLIX

FOR SEASON TWO TOMORROW.

PLEASE WELCOME ARNOLD

SCHWARZENEGGER!

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

♪

>> Jimmy: WOW.

REMEMBER WHEN YOU WERE THE

GOVERNOR AND EVERYTHING WAS

PRETTY GOOD?

EVERYTHING WAS -- EVERYBODY

SEEMED PRETTY HAPPY BACK THEN,

HUH?

>> WELL --

[ LAUGHTER ]

I MEAN, NO MATTER WHERE I GO --

>> Jimmy: PEOPLE ARE HAPPY?

>> I BRING HAPPINESS.

>> Jimmy: YOU DO.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

>> THAT'S MY JOB.

I'M A POSITIVE PERSON, AND I

ALWAYS DO KIND OF FIX THINGS.

BUT -- I THINK THAT WHAT YOU'RE

REFERRING TO IS, OF COURSE, THE

PROTESTS THAT ARE GOING ON IN

L.A.?

>> Jimmy: YEAH, EVERYTHING

THAT'S GOING ON.

>> I TOTALLY AGREE WITH YOU,

JIMMY.

THEY MAKE IT OUT TO -- LIKE IT'S

SOME WAR ZONE, LOS ANGELES, THE

WHOLE CITY OR THE COUNTY.

AND THE FACT OF THE MATTER IS,

IT'S MAYBE 0.001% OF THE AREA OF

LOS ANGELES HAS PROBLEMS, AND

THERE'S A PROTEST.

>> Jimmy: YEAH.

>> SO I THINK THIS IS IMPORTANT

FOR PEOPLE TO KNOW, BECAUSE I

DON'T WANT ALL OF A SUDDEN

TOURISM TO SUFFER IN LOS ANGELES

BECAUSE WHAT THEY SEE ON

TELEVISION, BECAUSE THE MEDIA

SOMETIMES SHOWS IT AS IF THE

WHOLE OF LOS ANGELES IS A BIG

WAR ZONE O'CLOCK ISN'T REALLY

THE CASE.

>> Jimmy: NO.

NONE OF LOS ANGELES IS A WAR

ZONE.

>> BUT THIS WOULDN'T HAPPEN IF

THE POWLITICIANS WOULD DO THEIR

WORK.

THINK ABOUT IT.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

>> Jimmy: WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY

THAT, EXACTLY?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT?

>> FOR DECADES, ALMOST FOUR

DECADES, WE HAVE HAD A PROBLEM

WHERE THEY TALKED ABOUT

IMMIGRATION REFORM.

COMPREHENSIVE IMMIGRATION

REFORM.

BUT THE DEMOCRATS AND THE

REPUBLICANS, BOTH OF THE

PARTIES, HAVE NO INTEREST IN

SOLVING THIS PROBLEM BECAUSE

THEY USE THAT TO RAISE MONEY.

>> Jimmy: UH-HUH?

>> AND SO WHAT THEY DO IS THEY

JUST KEEP POINTING THE FINGER AT

EACH OTHER, AND THEN THEY'RE

SURPRISED IF ALL OF A SUDDEN WE

ARE USING OUR MIDDLE FINGER ON

THEM, RIGHT?

>> Jimmy: UH-HUH?

>> IT'S ALL BOGUS, BECAUSE I

THINK THAT WE CAN DO BETTER THAN

THAT.

DEMOCRATS AND REPUBLICANS -- YOU

KNOW, WHEN THEY TALK ABOUT

DEMOCRATS AND REPUBLICANS, EVEN

THOUGH I'M A REPUBLICAN, I TELL

YOU, IT IS SOMETIMES

DISAPPOINTING.

AND THEN I THINK EVEN JUST WHEN

YOU LOOK AT THE SYMBOLS OF THE

PARTY.

THINK ABOUT THAT.

I MEAN, THE DEMOCRATS, DONKEY.

REPUBLICANS, ELEPHANT.

AND THE DONKEY'S A JACKASS.

AND OF COURSE, WHEREVER THE BIG

ANIMAL GOES LEAVES A PILE OF

DUMP, RIGHT?

[ LAUGHTER ]

I MEAN, IT'S -- THE SYMBOLS SAY

IT ALL.

>> Jimmy: YEAH.

>> AND I JUST GET VERY

FRUSTRATED, BECAUSE WE SEND

THESE POLITICIANS TO WASHINGTON

TO SOLVE THE PROBLEMS, AND ALL

THEY ARE IS -- INSTEAD OF PUBLIC

SERVANTS, THEY'RE PARTY

SERVANTS.

I THINK THIS IS THE BAD THING

ABOUT IT, YOU KNOW?

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

IT SHOULD BE PUBLIC SERVANTS.

>> Jimmy: I'M SURE THERE'S A

HUGE AMOUNT OF TRUTH TO THAT.

WHAT I -- FIRST OF ALL, I LOVE

HAVING YOU HERE TONIGHT BECAUSE

I THINK THAT YOU'RE A PERSON WHO

IS TRUSTED ON BOTH SIDES AND

THAT'S VERY RARE NOWADAYS.

I THINK PROBABLY DONALD TRUMP

DOESN'T WANT YOU TO BE TRUSTED,

BECAUSE I DON'T THINK DONALD

TRUMP LIKES YOU VERY MUCH, TO BE

HONEST.

TRUE?

YEAH.

[ LAUGHTER ]

[ APPLAUSE ]

I THINK THE NATURE OF THE MEDIA

IS TO SHOW WHERE, YOU KNOW,

THERE'S SOME GUYS ROBBING A --

LOOTING A MEDICAL MARIJUANA

STORE, AND THEN THERE'S, YOU

KNOW, A FEW WEYMOS ON FIRE, AND

PUT THAT TOGETHER IN A MONTAGE

AND MAKE IT TEAM LIKE ALL HELL

IS BREAKING LOOSE HERE.

WHAT IS YOUR OPINION?

IS THAT THE CASE HERE IN LOS

ANGELES RIGHT NOW?

>> NO.

BUT FIRST OF ALL, LET'S JUST BE

HONEST.

THE WHOLE THING HAS TO DO WITH

THE DEPORTATION.

>> Jimmy: UH-HUH, YES, OF

COURSE.

>> AND OF COURSE, THIS IS A VERY

SENSITIVE SUBJECT TO ME, BECAUSE

WHEN I CAME OVER TO THIS

COUNTRY, I WAS LIVING IN FEAR OF

BEING DEPORTED.

>> Jimmy: WERE YOU?

>> YEAH, BECAUSE AT ONE POINT I

DID A MOVIE THAT WAS SO BAD THAT

I THOUGHT THE CRITICS WOULD

DEPORT ME.

[ LAUGHTER ]

WOULD DEPORT ME AND SEND ME BACK

TO AUSTRIA.

HASTA LA VISTA, BABY!

[ LAUGHTER ]

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

>> Jimmy: YOU WERE WOR RD THAT

YOU WERE GOING TO BE DEPORTED

FOR CREATIVE REASONS, YES.

[ LAUGHTER ]

BUT YOU KNOW, BUT SERIOUSLY,

THERE TRULY BE FAMILIES THAT ARE

WORRIED THEY'RE GOING TO BE

DEPORTED.

DO YOU THINK THAT PEOPLE WHO

HAVE BEEN IN THIS COUNTRY FOR 25

YEARS AND WHO HAVE HAD NO

CRIMINAL ACTIVITY WHATSOEVER

SHOULD BE GRANTED THE RIGHTS OF

U.S. CITIZENSHIP?

>> WELL, THIS IS WHAT I'M

TALKING ABOUT, IS IMMIGRATION

REFORM.

COMPREHENSIVE IMMIGRATION REFORM

WILL ADDRESS ALL THESE ISSUES.

>> Jimmy: WILL DO THAT?

>> YES, AND ALSO WE'D THEN BE

ABLE SO HAND OUT MORE VISAS,

TEMPORARY WORKING PERMITS,

PERMANENT WORKING PERMITS, THE

GREEN CARD, CITIZENSHIP, ALL

THOSE THINGS.

AND WE WOULD KNOW WHO COMES INTO

THE UNITED STATES RATHER THAN

NOT KNOWING AND HAVING SO MANY

PEOPLE HERE THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW

WHO THEY ARE, WHAT KIND OF

CRIMINAL ACTIVITIES THEY'RE

PARTICIPATING IN, AND ALL THIS.

IT'S A SHAME, THE WHOLE THING.

WE HAVE A COUNTRY THAT NEEDS

WORKERS.

AND WHEN YOU LOOK AT SOUTH OF

THE BORDER, THEY WANT TO WORK.

SO IT'S A PERFECT MATCH.

BUT LET'S DO IT LEGAL AND LET'S

DO IT IN A COHERENT WAY, RATHER

THAN DOING IT THE WAY NOW, WHICH

A DISASTER.

I TOLD YOU, THAT'S WHAT MAKES ME

SO DISAPPOINTED IN BOTH OF THE

PARTIES.

BOTH OF THE PARTIES DO NOT WANT

TO GO AND SOLVE THIS PROBLEM

ONCE AND FOR ALL AND CREATE GOOD

IMMIGRATION REFORM THE WAY, YOU

KNOW, LIKE SENATOR KENNEDY AND

JOHN McCAIN WORKED IT OUT, AND

THEY HAD A REALLY GREAT, GREAT

BILL THERE.

BUT THEN THEY DIDN'T GO FOR IT.

>> Jimmy: DO YOU -- AS SOMEONE

WHO HAS EXPERIENCE WITH

PREDATORS, HOW WOULD YOU HANDLE

DONALD TRUMP?

[ LAUGHTER ]

IN THIS SITUATION WHERE HE IS

THREATENING TO WITH HOLD FEDERAL

FUNDING FROM OUR STUDENTS, FROM

OUR SCHOOLS, FROM DISABLED

STUDENTS.

WE ARE A STATE THAT PAYS MORE TO

THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT THAN WE

GET IN RETURN FROM THE FEDERAL

GOVERNMENT.

IS IT REALISTIC, THIS IDEA THAT

GOVERNOR NEWSOM HAS FLOATED

THAT, WE WOULD JUST STOP PAYING

THEM THE MONEY THAT WE PAY THEM?

>> WELL, IT SOUNDS ALWAYS EASY,

ISN'T IT?

>> Jimmy: IT SOUNDS IT BUT NEVER

IS.

>> IT DOESN'T HAPPEN BECAUSE

EVERY INDIVIDUAL IN CALIFORNIA

PAYS TAXES.

PAYS STATE TAX, LOCAL TAX.

AND PAYS FEDERAL TAX.

HOW ARE YOU GOING TO STOP THEM

FROM DOING THAT?

THEN THE IRS COMING AFTER YOU.

LOOK.

I WANT EVERYONE TO KNOW, THIS IS

ALL DIALOGUE.

THIS IS RHETORIC.

THE LEFT GOING AFTER THE RIGHT,

THE RIGHT GOING AFTER THE LEFT.

I MEAN, THE BOTTOM LINE IS, THEY

SHOULD GET TOGETHER, RATHER THAN

ALWAYS POINTING THE FINGER AT

EACH OTHER.

THEY SHOULD REALLY GET TOGETHER

AND SOLVE THIS PROBLEM.

BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT THE AMERICAN

PEOPLE WANT.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

THEY WANT TO HAVE THIS PROBLEM

SOLVED.

>> Jimmy: YEAH.

WELL.

IT SEEMS LIKE -- IT SEEMS LIKE

OUR PRESIDENT DOESN'T WANT TO

HAVE THIS PROBLEM SOLVED.

HE WANTS TO CREATE PROBLEMS HERE

IN OUR STATE.

>> WELL, I HAVE TO TELL YOU,

PEOPLE ALWAYS SAY TO ME, OH, MY

GOD, WHAT'S GOING ON IN AMERICA

RIGHT NOW?

ALL THIS STUFF.

AND I SAY TO THEM, I SAID,

RELAX, I'VE COME OVER HERE,

1968, WHERE IT WAS A DISASTER.

I MEAN, EVEN THE MOST FANTASTIC

COUNTRY.

I CAME OVER HERE, 1968, MARTIN

LUTHER KING WAS ASSASSINATED.

BOBBY KENNEDY WAS ASSASSINATED.

THERE WERE THE RIOTS LEFT AND

RIGHT BECAUSE OF THE VIETNAM

WAR.

THE PROTESTS.

THEN THERE WAS THE ATTACK ON THE

DEMOCRATIC CONVENTION IN

CHICAGO.

THEN AFTER THAT, THERE WAS

WATERGATE.

THE THING WENT ON AND ON AND ON.

PEOPLE SAID WHAT IS GOING ON IN

AMERICA?

WE GOT OUT OF THAT MESS.

SO AMERICA WILL ALWAYS GET OUT

OF THIS MESS, AND WE WILL GET

OUT OF THIS, BELIEVE ME.

THIS WILL BE SOLVED, THIS ISSUE.

LOS ANGELES WILL ALWAYS BE A

GREAT CITY TO COME TO.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

I'M VERY, VERY PROUD OF LOS

ANGELES.

AND I THINK THE KEY THING IS,

THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT AND THE

STATE AND THE LOCALS WORK

TOGETHER TO SOLVE THESE

PROBLEMS.

>> Jimmy: PEOPLE NEED TO HEAR

THAT, BECAUSE PEOPLE ARE LOOKING

FOR SOMETHING POSITIVE.

I THINK A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE

FEELING DISHEARTENED, LIKE OH,

THINGS ARE NOT GOING TO GET

BETTER, THEY'RE GOING TO GET

WORSE.

>> LET ME TELL EVERYONE HERE, I

TRAVEL A LOT.

I JUST CAME BACK FROM EUROPE.

TODAY, AS MUCH AS 50 YEARS AGO,

THE SAME AMOUNT OF PEOPLE COME

UP TO ME AND SAYS, "ARNOLD,

PLEASE, CAN YOU HELP ME TO GET

TO AMERICA?"

>> Jimmy: THEY DO?

>> BECAUSE IT'S THE GREATEST

COUNTRY IN THE WORLD.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

THE BEST COUNTRY IN THE WORLD.

IT IS FANTASTIC.

NO MATTER WHO IS LEADING IT AND

ALL THAT STUFF.

PEOPLE COME AND GO, BUT THIS

ALWAYS WILL BE THE GREATEST

COUNTRY, AND THIS IS WHY I

CANNOT WAIT TO CELEBRATE THE

250th ANNIVERSARY OF AMERICA AND

ONCE AGAIN SAY, THANK YOU,

AMERICA, FOR KIND OF BRINGING ME

INTO THIS COUNTRY, SHOWING ME

THIS ENORMOUS GENEROSITY.

EVERYTHING THAT I'VE EVER

ACCOMPLISHED IN MY LIFE IS

BECAUSE OF AMERICA.

THAT'S THE BOTTOM LINE.

[ APPLAUSE ]

>> Jimmy: WHY WERE YOU IN

EUROPE?

WHAT WERE YOU DOING THERE, OVER

IN EUROPE?

>> I WAS IN EUROPE, I WAS DOING

AN ENVIRONMENTAL CONFERENCE IN

VIENNA WHERE WE BRING ALL THE

NATIONS TOGETHER, AND WE TALK

ABOUT TERMINATING POLLUTION.

AND AT THE SAME TIME, OF COURSE,

MY TEAM DECIDED TO HAVE AN EVENT

AT THE SCHWARZENEGGER MUSEUM.

>> Jimmy: OH.

>> ACCIDENTALLY, THEY SAID.

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> Jimmy: UH-HUH?

>> TWO DAYS EARLIER.

SO I, OF COURSE, HAD TO GO THERE

ALSO.

>> Jimmy: YEAH, SURE.

>> SO I WENT THERE, AND ALL OF A

SUDDEN THERE'S 150 PEOPLE DOING

DEADLIFTS IN FRONT OF THE HOUSE

THAT I GREW UP IN.

>> Jimmy: THAT IS TRUE?

>> OH, YEAH, ABSOLUTELY, YEAH.

IT WAS TRUE DEADLIFTS FOR US

THERE.

THEY WERE DOING DEADLIFTS AND

EACH SIDE WAS COMPETING.

AND THEY WENT UP A ALL OF -- IT

WAS AMAZING.

THERE WAS ONE WOMAN THAT WAS

DEADLIFTING OVER 300 POUNDS.

AND -- NOT LIKE THAT SHE WAS A

BIG WOMAN.

A REGULAR-SIZE WOMAN WAS LIFTING

OVER 300 POUNDS.

THEN THE GUYS WOULD GO UP TO 500

POUNDS OR SO.

THEY ALL HAD A GREAT TIME.

IT'S PART OF THE

SCHWARZENEGGER -- OF THE ARNOLD

PUMP CLUB.

WHERE WE BRING PEOPLE TOGETHER

AND WE KIND OF INSPIRE THEM TO

DR

TRAIN AND STAY FIT AND ALSO TO

HAVE A BETTER LIFE, TO BE

HAPPIER IN LIFE, TO ACCOMPLISH

YOUR GOALS AND ALL THAT STUFF.

>> Jimmy: CAN I BE IN THE PUMP

CLUB?

OR SIT JUST EXCLUSIVELY FOR VERY

FIT PEOPLE?

>> ABSOLUTELY.

>> Jimmy: THERE IS A PLUMP CLUB

MAYBE?

[ LAUGHTER ]

JUST PUMP CLUB?

CAN I BE THE PLUMP CUB IN YOUR

PUMP CLUB?

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> I HAVE TO CHECK ON THAT.

MAYBE YOU HAVE TO GAIN 20 POUNDS

SO WE CAN TAKE THE BEFORE

PICTURE.

>> Jimmy: YOU KNOW WHAT WE'LL

DO?

AFTER THE SHOW I'LL COME BACK TO

THE DRESSING ROOM, STRIP DOWN,

YOU EVALUATE ME, WE'LL FIGURE IT

OUT.

>> OKAY, GOOD.

>> Jimmy: GOVERNOR

SCHWARZENEGGER IS HERE.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

THE SHOW IS CALLED "FUBAR."

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

>>> DID YOU HEAR THAT GUNFIRE?

IT'S HOTTER THAN YOUR MOM EATING

SOUP IN A JACUZZI.

>> OH, MY.

>> WE'LL DISCUSS IT IN THERAPY.

♪

♪

♪

>> NO!

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

>> Jimmy: THAT'S ARNOLD

SCHWARZENEGGER IN SEASON TWO OF

"FUBAR" WHICH PREMIERES TOMORROW

STARTING ON NETFLIX.

I DON'T KNOW IF "NO, THE

EQUIPMENT WENT OVER" IS GOING TO

BE THE NEW "HASTA LA VISTA,

BABY."

IT'S PRETTY SOLID.

>> NO, IT WAS REALLY -- I

COULDN'T BELIEVE HOW MUCH ACTION

THERE WAS IN THIS SEASON.

>> Jimmy: WERE YOU UPSET THAT

THERE WAS THIS MUCH ACTION?

>> NO, I MEAN, WHEN YOU GET TO

MY AGE --

>> Jimmy: YES.

>> MY KNEES ARE HURTING,

EVENTUALLY, THE CLIMBING AND ALL

THE STUFF.

>> Jimmy: WOULD YOU SIT DOWN

WITH THE SCRIPT AND GO, GUYS,

GIVE ME A BREAK, ARE YOU KIDDING

ME?

I'M FIGHTING GUYS ON A BOAT?

>> NO, NO, I'M ACTUALLY LOOKING

FORWARD.

>> Jimmy: YOU LIKE IT, OKAY.

>> YOU HEAR ME COMPLAIN ABOUT

IT.

THAT'S JUST DIALOGUE.

>> Jimmy: I GOT YOU, OKAY.

>> THE REALITY IS, I LOVE AND I

SEE IT ON THE SCREEN, I LOVE THE

WAY THEY EDIT IT, AND IT'S

REALLY ACTION PACKED.

SOME OF THE DANGEROUS STUFF YOU

DON'T DO YOURSELF.

STUNT GUYS COME IN AND THEY DO

THAT.

BECAUSE NO ONE WANTS YOU TO GET

HURT ON THE SET BECAUSE THAT

MEANS THAT YOU HAVE TO DELAY THE

FILMING AND ALL THAT STUFF.

SO EVERYTHING IS PRETTY SAFE.

OUT IT'S LOT OF, LOT OF WORK

BECAUSE ON TV, UNLIKE IN MOVIES

WHERE YOU SHOOT THREE PAGES A

DAY, TV YOU SHOOT EIGHT TO TEN

PAGES A DAY, SO EVERYTHING GOES

FASTER AND FASTER AND FASTER.

BUT THEY MANAGED MORE ACTION,

MORE COMEDY, MORE DRAMA IN THIS

SEASON.

IT'S REALLY FANTASTIC.

>> Jimmy: EVEN SOME DANCING.

YOU HAVE A DANCE SCENE THIS

SEASON.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

YOU CAN'T GET A STUNT PERSON FOR

THAT.

YOU'VE GOT TO REALLY LEARN TO

DANCE.

>> NO, NO, I DID THE DANCING.

>> Jimmy: YOU DID THE DANCING.

>> THAT'S A LOT OF FUN.

>> Jimmy: ARE YOU A GOOD DANCER?

>> NO.

>> Jimmy: YOU'RE NOT.

>> I SUCK.

>> Jimmy: EVER HAD THAT AS PART

OF YOUR TRAINING, DANCING?

>> YEAH, BUT I MEAN, THERE'S A

LOT OF THINGS TO BE TRAINED.

BUT FOR CERTAIN THINGS YOU HAVE

A CERTAIN TALENT.

I JUST DON'T HAVE AN EAR FOR

MUSIC, AND YOU KNOW, I'M NOT

THERE -- NOT REALLY A GOOD

DANCER.

BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN THAT I

CANNOT DO THE SCENE.

WHAT I DO IS DO A LOT OF REPS.

I DO A LOT OF REHEARSALS.

AND CARRIE ANN, SHE WAS

NATURALLY TALENTED.

>> Jimmy: YEAH.

>> SHE WAS GOOD AT DANCING, SO

SHE WORKED WITH ME SIX, SEVEN

DAYS OF REHEARSALS AND STUFF

LIKE THAT THAT WE DID EACH DAY,

TWO TO THREE HOURS.

THEN EVENTUALLY, I JUST WENT ON

MY OWN WITH THE CHOREOGRAPHER,

WHICH WAS A GUY.

>> Jimmy: OH.

>> AND --

>> Jimmy: AND YOU DANCED?

>> HE SAID, SHOULD I BRING

ANOTHER WOMAN?

AND I SAID NO, NO, I'LL DO IT

WITH YOU.

I COME WITH THE BODY BUILDING

WORLD --

>> Jimmy: YEAH, YOU'VE SHOWERED

WITH A MILLION GUYS.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

>> I WAS LEANING HIM BACK, I WAS

DOING THE WHOLE THING WITH THIS

CHOREOGRAPHER.

HE WAS REALLY GETTING A LAUGH

OUT OF IT ALL.

>> Jimmy: I'M SURE.

>> YEAH.

>> Jimmy: IS IT TRUE THAT YOU

K

KNEW MICHAEL JACKSON?

>> YEAH.

>> Jimmy: YOU DID?

HOW DID YOU KNOW MICHAEL?

>> I KNOW A LOT OF PEOPLE.

>> Jimmy: I KNOW.

[ LAUGHTER ]

HOW'D YOU KNOW HIM?

DID YOU HAVE SOME KIND OF WE

HAVE PETS IN OUR HOUSE CLUB, OR

WHAT WAS THE DEAL?

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> MICHAEL JACKSON CAME TO THE

SET WHEN WE WERE FILMING AT

UNIVERSAL STUDIO.

WE WERE FILMING "JEAN DELL ALL

THE WAY."

>> Jimmy: MICHAEL JACKSON CAME

TO THE SET OF "JINGLE ALL THE

DAY"?

>> THEN HE VISITED ME A FEW DAYS

IN A ROW IN MY MOTOR HOME IN THE

TRAILER, WHEN I HAD LUNCH.

>> Jimmy: REALLY?

>> JUST WANTED TO SCHMOOZE, HE

WANTED TO TALK ABOUT THE SHOW.

AND HE --

>> Jimmy: WAIT A MINUTE, THREE

DAYS IN A ROW, MICHAEL JACKSON

SHOWED UP FOR LUNCH IN YOUR

TRAILER ON "JINGLE ALL THE WAY"?

>> YEAH.

[ LAUGHTER ]

HE WAS SHY.

>> Jimmy: UH-HUH?

>> AND VERY LOW-KEY.

WELL, A REALLY NICE MAN.

HE WAS REALLY FANTASTIC.

>> Jimmy: YOU -- ONE OF YOUR

FIRST JOBS WHEN YOU CAME TO THE

UNITED STATES WAS WITH LUCILLE

BALL ON AN ART CARNEY SPECIAL,

RIGHT?

>> IT WAS A LUCY SPECIAL AND ART

CARNEY WAS ONE OF THE STARS.

>> Jimmy: OH.

>> HE JUST WON THE ACADEMY AWARD

FOR BEST ACTING.

AND SHE CALLED ME ONE DAY IN THE

GYM.

>> Jimmy: HOW DID SHE -- SHE

PHONED YOU IN THE GYM?

>> SHE PHONED ME IN GOLD'S GYM.

SOMEONE SAID, "LUCY IS ON THE

PHONE."

[ LAUGHTER ]

I SAY, "LUCY WHO?"

NOW, I REMEMBER SEEING HER SHOW.

BUT I DID NOT KNOW THIS IS THE

LUCY.

SO THEN THE OWNER OF GOLD'S GYM,

JOE GOLD, SAID TO ME, SAYS,

"THIS IS LUCILLE BALL.

THIS IS THE WOMAN WHO IS REALLY

POWERFUL."

THEN HE GAVE ME THE PHONE.

SO I TOOK THE PHONE, SAID HELLO.

"I SAW YOU YESTERDAY ON THE ANDY

GRIFFIN SHOW.

YOU WERE SO FUNNY, SO

UNBELIEVABLE, I LOVE YOUR

ENERGY.

I WANT YOU TO BE PART OF OUR

TWO-HOUR SPECIAL.

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY AND GOOD-BYE."

"THANK YOU, THAT'S VERY NICE OF

YOU WHAT DO BY DO IN" "COME

TOMORROW TO 2:00 TO THE FOX

STUDIO."

I WOULD GO OVER THERE, 2:00.

SHE SAID TO ME, "IT'S WONDERFUL

TO HAVE YOU HERE."

THE DIRECTOR WAS SITTING THERE,

THE PRODUCER, HER HUSBAND.

ALL OF THESE PEOPLE WERE SITTING

THERE.

NEXT THING I KNOW IS THAT SHE

PULLS OUT A SCRIPT.

AND THEN I JUST SAT DOWN THERE.

"MY NAME IS SANDO, I'M ITALIAN

TRUCK DRIVER."

SHE SAID -- STUPID WRITING.

"LOOK, WHY DON'T WE JUST

IMPROVISE A LITTLE BIT?"

I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANT

EITHER.

[ LAUGHTER ]

SHE SAYS, "YOU'RE IN, RIGHT,

GUYS?"

SO EVERYONE, THE DIRECTOR, THE

PRODUCERS, EVERYONE --

>> Jimmy: THEN THIS HAPPENED.

>> I SET UP TABLE.

>> NEED ANY HELP?

>> SI.

TAKE OFF YOUR CLOTHES.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

>> Jimmy: WOW.

THAT'S UNBELIEVABLE.

WHAT A LIFE.

>> YEAH, I KNOW.

>> Jimmy: WHAT A LIFE.

ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER,

EVERYBODY.

SEASON TWO OF "FUBAR" PREMIERES

TOMORROW ON NETFLIX.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

WE'LL BE BACK WITH AIMEE LOU

WOOD!

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

♪

>> Jimmy: HI, THERE, WELCOME

BACK.

OUR NEXT GUEST IS A

DELIGHTFUL ACTOR WHO WENT ON A

WORK TRIP TO MAKE A SHOW ABOUT A

VACATION.

THE THIRD SEASON OF "THE WHITE

LOTUS" IS ON MAX NOW.

PLEASE WELCOME AIMEE LOU WOOD.

♪

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

IT'S GREAT TO HAVE YOU HERE.

I REALLY ENJOYED SEEING YOU ON

THE SHOW.

>> THANK YOU.

>> Jimmy: YOU DID SUCH A GREAT

JOB, AND YOU SEEM TO BE

EMOUSSIVELY DELIGHTFUL.

>> THAT'S JUST MANIA.

>> Jimmy: MAIN WHY'S FINE AS

LONG AS IT'S POSITIVE.

>> SOMETIMES YOU NEED IT.

>> Jimmy: DID YOU MEET ARNOLD

SCHWARZENEGGER?

YOU DID A LOT OF WORK WITH HIS

SON, PATRICK.

>> I DID, AND WE MET.

WE WERE DOING A PHOTO SHOOT,

WILTON AND I, AND THEY WERE IN

THE SAME BUILDING DOING "ACTORS

ON ACTORS."

AND I MET ARNOLD, HE GAVE ME A

HUG.

IT FELT EXACTLY THE SAME AS A

PATRICK HUG.

[ LAUGHTER ]

AND A PATRICK HUG IS LIKE THE

MOST MAGIC, HEALING THING.

THERE'S SOMETHING IN THAT MAN.

>> Jimmy: REALLY?

>> THAT'S LIKE, HONESTLY, THE

MOST SAFE.

AND HE HAS THE SAME HUG.

AND I JUST GOT ANOTHER ONE FROM

HIM.

>> Jimmy: I LIKE THE WAY YOU SAY

"HUG."

>> HUG, YEAH.

>> Jimmy: IF YOU WERE TO KILL --

WHAT DO YOU CALL AN INSECT?

>> A BUG.

>> Jimmy: A BOOG, YEAH.

>> YEAH, IT IS HOW IT'S SPELLED

FOR YOU.

>> Jimmy: YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

I GUESS SO, YEAH, PROBABLY.

NO, YOU GOT IT.

>> YEAH.

>> Jimmy: SO YOU THINK THAT THEY

HAVE -- THAT IT'S GENETIC, THAT

HOOG THEY HAVE?

>> I THINK THAT HOOG IS GENETIC.

>> Jimmy: THEY'RE GOOD HOOGERS?

>> IT'S POWERFUL.

>> Jimmy: HOW MANY MONTHS YOU

SPENT WITH PATRICK?

>> SEVEN MONTHS.

>> Jimmy: THAT'S A LOT OF TIME

TO BE WITH SOMEBODY.

TO BE WITH A WHOLE CAST LIKE

THAT IS A LONG TIME.

>> IT WAS A VERY LONG TIME.

I THINK THAT'S WHY THERE'S A

REAL FEELING OF SEPARATION

ANXIETY WHENEVER WE HAVE TO

LEAVE EACH OTHER.

>> Jimmy: YEAH, LIKE TWO SUMMER

CAMPS IN A ROW OR SOMETHING,

RIGHT?

>> YEAH, IT'S INTENSE.

THERE'S DEFINITELY A LOT OF

CODEPENDANCE.

>> Jimmy: THERE IS?

>> I CAN'T GO A DAY WITHOUT

SPEAKING TO LESLIE.

WE CONSTANTLY VOICE NOW.

IT'S AMAZING BECAUSE YOU FOUND

FAMILY.

IT'S JUST BEAUTIFUL.

>> Jimmy: YEAH, THAT IS A NICE

THING TO HAVE.

NOW, THIS IS A SPOILER ALERT FOR

THOSE WHO HAVE NOT FINISHED

WATCHING THE SEASON.

SO STOP LISTENING OR WHATEVER.

PLUG YOUR EARS IF YOU'RE HERE IN

THE ROOM.

THINGS DID NOT END WELL FOR YOUR

CHARACTER, CHELSEA.

>> THEY DID NOT.

>> Jimmy: WHICH WAS, I THINK --

I DON'T KNOW, I THINK PEOPLE --

I KNOW I WAS BUMMED OUT, BECAUSE

OF ALL THE PEOPLE ON THE SHOW,

SHE SEEMED LIKE SHE HAD IT

COMING THE LEAST, RIGHT?

>> NO, BUT IT'S MIKE WHITE.

SO SHE WAS SO -- LIKE THE

EMBODIMENT OF HOPE.

AND OF COURSE MIKE HAS TO KILL

HOPE.

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> Jimmy: YES, MIKE DID A KILLER

OF HOPE.

DID YOU KNOW THAT WAS GOING TO

BE THE CASE GOING IN?

DID YOU KNOW WHAT THE ENDING FOR

YOUR CHARACTER WOULD BE?

>> YEAH, I ACTUALLY KNEW IN MY

RECALL.

SO WHEN I FIRST MET MIKE AND

MEREDITH, CASTING DIRECTOR, AND

EVERYONE, I JUST KNEW FROM THE

SCENE, IT WAS THE SCENE WHERE

CHELSEA SAYS, WE'RE GOING TO BE

TOGETHER FOREVER.

AND DON'T YOU THINK?

AND RICK SAID, YEAH, THAT'S THE

PLAN.

AND SHE SAYS, IS IT?

AND SHE HAS THIS HALCYON MOMENT.

AND I THOUGHT, SHE'S DYING.

SHE'S DYING.

AND MIKE WAS LIKE, I THINK YOU

MAY BE PICKING UP ON SOMETHING.

AND I WAS LIKE, UH-HUH.

SO I KNEW THE WHOLE TIME.

AND THEN YOU HAVE TO JUST KIND

OF PUT IT OUT YOUR HEAD, BECAUSE

CHELSEA DOESN'T KNOW SHE'S GOING

TO DIE.

>> Jimmy: RIGHT.

>> ALTHOUGH SHE KIND OF INTUITS

SOMETHING.

>> Jimmy: SHE'S HEADED THERE

WITH THE THREE -- YEAH, RIGHT,

YES.

>> SOME PEOPLE DIDN'T KNOW.

PARKER SAID SHE WAS SO

TRAUMATIZED READING IT, SHE JUST

BLANKED OUT.

SHE ACTUALLY DIDN'T KNOW WHO

DIED WHEN WE WERE FILMING.

PATRICK DIDN'T READ IT BECAUSE

HE WANTED IT TO BE A SURPRISE.

SO IT WAS ACTUALLY, YEAH, A BIT

OF A SURPRISE.

AND ON THE DAY WE FILM IT, THERE

WAS A FAKE DEATH ON THE CALL

SHEET IN CASE IT GOT LEAKED.

MIKE PUT THAT BELINDA DIES.

>> Jimmy: THAT BELINDA DIES, OH

TRANSACTION.

>> YEAH.

>> Jimmy: THEN DID PEOPLE --

ANYONE REALLY THINK BELINDA WAS

GOING TO DIE?

>> WELL, I STARTED GOING, OKAY,

THAT'S CLEVER THAT, WE PUT A

FAKE ENDING SO IT DOESN'T GET

OUT.

THEN I START GOING, THIS IS MIKE

WHITE.

AND HE LOVES MESSING WITH

PEOPLE.

>> Jimmy: AH.

>> SO, WHAT IF I'M FILMING THE

FAKE DEATH WHAT IF THAT'S THE

REAL DEATH?

>> Jimmy: AH.

>> WHEN I WAS WATCHING IT, THERE

WAS A LITTLE PART OF ME THAT

THOUGHT, IS HE GOING TO SURPRISE

ME AND CHELSEA LIVES?

>> Jimmy: SO EVEN AFTER CHELSEA

GOT SHOT, YOU SHOT THE WHOLE

THING, YOU WENT HOME, WHEN YOU

WATCHED THE SHOW YOU THOUGHT,

MAYBE I LIVE?

>> I THOUGHT -- THERE'S A LITTLE

CHANCE WITH THAT MIKE.

HE LOVES REALITY TV.

HE LOVES KIND OF --

>> Jimmy: HE DOES?

INTERESTING.

>> MISCHIEVOUS.

>> Jimmy: YOU STARTED IN THE

THEATER, RIGHT?

>> I DID.

>> Jimmy: THAT'S MORE COMMON, TO

START IN THE THEATER.

IT'S NOT AS COMMON HERE IN THE

UNITED STATES.

>> YEAH.

YEAH, NO, I STARTED IN THEATER.

THAT WAS KIND OF ALWAYS THE ROOT

THAT I THOUGHT I WOULD BE GOING

DOWN MORE THAN SCREEN.

>> Jimmy: I SEE.

>> WENT TO DRAMA SCHOOL, WHICH I

WENT TO RODD, LIKE CLASSICAL

TRAINING.

MY FIRST JOB OUT OF DRAMA SCHOOL

WAS A TOUR OF A PLAY.

SOMETIMES WE GO TO PLACES AND

THERE ARE ABOUT TWO PEOPLE IN

THE AUDIENCE.

>> Jimmy: WHEN YOU SAY ABOUT TWO

PEOPLE, DO YOU MEAN TWO PEOPLE

IN THE AUDIENCE?

>> YES.

>> Jimmy: YOU STILL DO THE PLAY?

>> YOU HAVE TO NO MATTER HOW

PEOPLE ARE THERE, YEAH.

>> Jimmy: HOW MANY PEOPLE WERE

ON STAGE PERFORMING FOR TWO

PEOPLE IN THE AUDIENCE?

>> ABOUT 12.

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> Jimmy: UH-HUH, 12 PEOPLE.

>> YEAH.

>> Jimmy: PERFORMING FOR TWO

PEOPLE.

>> YEAH.

YOU'RE HEARING, COUGH, COUGH!

LITTLE SHUFFLES.

YEAH.

IT'S CHARACTER-BUILDING.

>> Jimmy: YEAH, I WOULD THINK

THERE WOULD BE, YEAH.

YOU HEAR ABOUT SOME OF THE GREAT

ENTERTAINERS, LIKE JAMMY DAVIS

JUNIOR SHOWED UP FOR A SHOW,

THERE'S ONE PERSON IN THE

AUDIENCE, AND THEY SAY HE GAVE

110%.

>> YOU HAVE TO, YEAH.

>> Jimmy: IF THEY GET UP TO THE

BATHROOM AT INTERMISSION AND

DON'T COME BACK, WOULD YOU

FINISH THE SHOW?

>> I FEEL THESPIANS WOULD BE,

"DARLINGS, WE'VE GOT TO JUST DO

IT.

IT'S FOR US, IT'S FOR US."

>> Jimmy: THESPIANS WOULD DO

THAT.

>> YEAH.

>> Jimmy: IF YOU WANT TO BE A

THESPIAN, THAT'S WHAT YOU HAVE

TO DO.

>> YEAH.

>> Jimmy: WHAT ARE YOU WORKING

ON RIGHT NOW?

>> I'M ABOUT TO GO TO POLAND TO

FILM SOMETHING WHERE I PLAY

DOSTOYEVSKY'S WIFE.

>> Jimmy: REALLY?

WOW.

>> YES, THAT'S KIND OF A NICE

LITTLE SHIFT.

BECAUSE IT'S BEEN -- "WHITE

LOTUS," THIS WHOLE JOURNEY HAS

BEEN LIKE A YEAR AND A HALF,

LIKE WITH IT COMING OUT AND

EVERYTHING.

SO IT'S HAPPY UP A LOT OF MY

LIFE, IN A GREAT WAY, BUT I'M

ALSO LIKE, NOW I HAVE TO SHIFT

INTO BEING DOSTOYEVSKY'S LIFE.

>> Jimmy: WHAT KIND OF A HOOG DO

YOU THINK DOSTOYEVSKY GIVES?

>> PROBABLY QUITE SCARY, QUITE

SCARY HOOGS, YEAH.

NOT A PATRICK HUG FOR SURE.

>> Jimmy: NO, HE'S NO PATRICK,

THAT'S FOR SURE.

>> YEAH, NO, HE'S NOT.

>> Jimmy: IT'S GREAT TO MEET YOU

AFTER SEEING YOU SO MUCH.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR COMING.

>> THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME.

>> Jimmy: WHAT A GREAT JOB YOU

DID ON THE SHOW.

"THE WHITE LOTUS" SEASON THREE.

YOU CAN WATCH IT ON MAX RIGHT

NOW.

AIMEE LOU WOOD, EVERYBODY!

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

♪

>> Guillermo: HI.

WELCOME TO THE BANANA STORE.

WE GO BANANAS FOR BANANAS.

HOW CAN I HELP YOU?

>> Jimmy: DO YOU SELL BANANAS?

>> Guillermo: YES, WE DO.

WE HAVE LITTLE BANANA,

NOT-TO-LITTLE BANANA, AND BANANA

MUCHO.

>> Jimmy: I'D LIKE TWO LITTLE

BANANAS, PLEASE.

>> Guillermo: HERE'S YOUR TWO

LITTLE BANANAS, THAT'S A GOOD

CHOICE.

>> Jimmy: THANK YOU.

>> Guillermo: THAT WILL BE $62.

>> Jimmy: THESE LOOK DELICIOUS.

WHAT, HOW MUCH?

>> Guillermo: $62.

>> Jimmy: $62?

>> Guillermo: YEAH, INFLATION.

>> Jimmy: I ONLY HAVE $10.

>> Guillermo: $10, HOLD ON.

AI-YI-YI R. HELLO, SECURITY?

YEAH, WE HAVE A GUY HERE WHO

STOLE BANANAS, TWO LITTLE ONES.

YES, THANK YOU.

>> Jimmy: YOU CALLED SECURITY?

BECAUSE I ATE A LITTLE BIT OF

BANANA?

>> Guillermo: YES.

>> Jimmy: BUT -- I HAVE VENMO.

>> Guillermo: THAT'S JUST FOR

FRIENDS.

WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.

>> Jimmy: VENMO ISN'T JUST FOR

PAYING PEOPLE ANYMORE.

NOW, YOU CAN SPEND YOUR VENMO

BALANCE ON VIRTUALLY EVERYTHING.

>> Guillermo: EVEN BANANAS?

>> Jimmy: EVEN BANANAS.

WATCH.

>> IS THIS THE GUY WHO STOLE

YOUR BANANAS?

>> Guillermo: IT'S OKAY,

SECURITY BANANA.

HE PAID FOR IT.

HE USED VENMO.

HE'S LUCKY.

THIS TIME.

>> Lou: THIS SUMMER, VENMO IS

REWARDING USERS WITH NEW CASH

BACK OFFERS WHEN YOU PAY WITH

THE VENMO DEBIT CARD THROUGH

SELECT STORES AND ONLINE.

SIGN UP FOR THE VENMO DEBIT CARD

IN THE APP TODAY.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

>> Jimmy: THANKS TO ARNOLD

SCHWARZENEGGER AND AIMEE LOU

WOOD.

APOLOGIES TO MATT DAMON.

"NIGHTLINE" IS NEXT.

THANK YOU FOR WATCHING.

GOOD NIGHT!