All language subtitles for Gilmore Girls - S06E17

I say we repaint it.

Did you ever paint?

No. Doyle doesn't believe in
improving someone else's property.

-Men.
-Yeah. Men.

Well, we will repaint it

A new color scheme
for a new era.

I'll eat to that.

This is gonna be great.

You and me in a freshly
painted apartment.

No men. Just lots and
lots of Chinese food.

We are going to get huge.

That's okay. We'll
get a treadmill.

Yeah. You always
wanted a treadmill.

I did. Doyle thought, why get a
treadmill when you can walk outside?

With all the
murderers and rapists.

Exactly what I would say.

-I'm glad you're back.
-Me, too.

You know, Paris, I'm really sorry
about the whole editorship thing.

It's okay.

I didn't lobby for the job. I
mean, I swear. I had no idea.

Forget it. I mean,
who are we kidding?

I am not cut out
to deal with people.

I was made to be in a lab

or an operating room
or a bunker somewhere

with a well-behaved
monkey by my side.

I'm sorry, too, you know,
for throwing you out.

Consider it even.

[KNOCKING AT DOOR]

Did we actually
order that pizza?

I thought it was just discussed.

Who is it?

It's Logan.

I don't want to talk to him.

I got it.

Well, if it isn't New Haven's
favorite whore hound.

-Is Rory here?
-Yes.

-Can I talk to her?
-No.

But you can talk to me.

What do you wanna talk about?

Life? Love? Common symptoms
of sexually transmitted diseases?

Rory?

Rashes, sores, insanity.

Five minutes. Please!

You know, there's a few things
I've always wanted to say to you,

but out of respect for my
friend Rory here, I've refrained.

However, the circumstances
seem to have changed.

You don't know what
you're talking about, Paris.

-I know you cheated on Rory.
-I did not cheat on Rory.

Are you going to deny
it? Are you serious?

-We were apart.
-Oh, please.

We were. We weren't together.

And why the hell am I arguing
with you? I don't want you back.

You, Logan
Huntzberger, are nothing

but a two-bit, spoiled,
waste of a trust fund.

You offer nothing to women
or the world in general.

If you were to disappear from
the face of the earth tomorrow,

the only person that would
miss you is your Porsche dealer.

You wanna chime in here?

No. I think Paris
has got it covered.

-Okay. That's it.
-Hey.

Rory, I just need 60 seconds.

Go away, Logan.

No one invited you in.

Get out right now before I
go Bonaduce on your ass.

I'm not going away. I'm not
going anywhere. We're gonna talk.

What the hell is this
door doing unlocked?

What are you doing here?

I wanna talk to you.

I told you to go.

You did. And I did.

I left and I went out and I got
drunk and I thought about why I left

and got drunk, and I
realized that you are wrong.

I am not. And what
are you wearing?

Don't change the subject.

Can we go in the other room?

We're supposed to
be together, Paris.

You know it, I know it,
and your life coach knows it.

Terence has been wrong before.

When I wanted to get the
pageboy haircut? Remember?

Paris, listen to me. I'm the best
thing that ever happened to you.

Well, if that's true, then
it's all uphill from here.

You know, I didn't have to come
back here, begging you to talk to me.

-I have options.
-Right.

I do. In fact, I almost hooked
up with a really hot chick tonight.

I don't see how that's gonna
help your case, Doyle. At all.

You know what? Fine. Let's
take this out into the hall.

-You could've hooked up with a hot chick?
-Yes.

In rhinestone buttons?
Who was it, Sheila E?

Two minutes. Go.

Look, I understand
that you're upset.

And I really wish you
hadn't found out like that.

But, Rory, I love you.
You know that I love you.

When I said that I was your
boyfriend, I agreed to be faithful to you,

which, by the way,
was a first for me.

And I thought it was
gonna be hard. But it wasn't.

Then I asked you to move in with
me. I asked you to move in with me,

and I thought that was
gonna be hard. But it wasn't.

I have been completely
faithful to you, Rory.

I have not been with another girl.
I have not looked at another girl.

I've not even thought
about another girl.

Except for Walker, Alexandra...

-We were broken up, Rory.
-No. You were...

I thought we were broken up. I
thought that's what the fight was.

I thought that's what
the separation was.

Do you believe me?

Do you believe that I honestly
thought we weren't together?

I guess.

So then if you believe that,
that I thought we weren't together,

then do you believe that in my
mind I was not cheating on you?

I guess.

So then, if you believe that in
my mind I was not cheating on you,

do you think you can forget
what those vipers said today,

put it behind you and
just come home with me?

Come on, Rory. Just
come home with me.

Let's forget this crappy day
ever happened, just go home.

You wanna make a pro-con list?

Do not mock my pro-con list.

I am not mocking
your pro-con list.

I actually think the list
would come out in my favor.

Well, I'd have to
tell Paris I'm going.

Absolutely. Tell
Paris you're going.

Whoa. Oh.

-What?
-They made up.

Either that, or Krav Maga is
way kinkier than I thought it was.

Well, you can tell her
tomorrow. After all, it is tomorrow.

Yeah. Yeah, I can
just call her from home.

We okay?

Yeah.

Yeah. Sure. We'll see.

Hey.

Okay. Call you later.

-Did you not hear me screaming?
-You were screaming?

Yes, like Janet Leigh in Psycho.

I was on the phone.
Why were you screaming?

There was a spider in the shower.
I trapped him under a soap dish.

I need you to go in and get
him and take him outside.

-Right.
-Scoop him up gently.

You do not want to
break one of his little legs.

Spiders are all
about their legs.

I was shampooing, everything was
fine, I looked up and there he was.

-Holy mackerel.
-Yeah. He's a big boy.

-Don't hurt him.
-I won't.

I was talking to the spider.

[CLATTERING]

What happened? Are you okay?

LUKE: Yeah, he's got a posse.

You're kidding.

I am not kidding.

What are you gonna do?

Well, there isn't a soap dish in
town big enough for these guys.

But be careful.

I've just gotta trap them, then
move them out of the shower

and then sell the building.

So, that was April on the phone.

-What?
-April called.

Seems her math team made
it into some national contest.

Ah, well, good for her.

Yeah, it's pretty big. They're all
going to Philadelphia next week.

A bunch of the parents
are supposed to chaperone.

Anna was gonna go, but now
she can't, so April called me.

-Oh.
-Yeah. It's weird, you know,

'cause usually it's me
calling her to do things.

This is the first time
that she's called me.

Well, good. That's
progress, right?

I think so. But you know I can't
just take a week off from the diner.

Plus, you and I probably have
all sorts of plans next week, right?

Not that I know of.

Oh, wait, was next week the week we
were gonna start our lives as outlaws?

Well, I just assumed we
had stuff to do next week.

-No. You should go.
-You think?

Yeah. She asked
you. She called you.

And I know that traveling across
country in a bus full of Little Man Tates

has been a life-long
dream of yours.

-Well, okay. I think I will go.
-Good.

Yeah. You know, I looked
up the route last night.

Sounds like a great trip.

They'll be visiting Constitution
Hall and stopping in Gettysburg.

Do you know I have
never seen the Liberty Bell?

Communist.

Okay, I'm gonna take
these guys outside.

Any particular place
you want them?

Yeah, some place shady,
sheltered from the elements

and ideally near a talking pig.

I asked. I have no one
to blame but myself.

There's still a glare, right?

Huge glare. I can't make out
all the details of Castle Siege.

And those trolls, you
gotta squint to see them.

The TV is fine, guys. It's in
exactly the same place it used to be.

Dude, wait till you hear how I
soundproofed Lane's old room.

Pier 1 cushions wall-to-wall.
Perfect acoustics.

Band practice officially
starts back up tomorrow.

Dude, you want this
bottom drawer, too?

Sure. Sock drawer.

Nothing is gayer
than a sock drawer.

Really? There's gotta be
something gayer than a sock drawer.

Okay, before you guys
get too deeply entrenched

in the "what's gayer than a sock drawer"
conversation, I'm gonna say goodbye.

-Goodbye.
-Goodbye.

-Bye, Brian.
-Bye, Lane. Thanks for the help.

Hey, make sure you
behave yourself out there.

You're almost a married woman.

Hey, what happens when
you guys get married?

Well, we finally
get to have sex.

Zach.

No, I mean, I just moved in here,
but when you guys get married,

do I move out again?

We haven't really
discussed that yet.

Yeah. Well, we can move the
band equipment back out here,

and me and Lane'll
take the room,

and you can have the
bunk beds all to yourself.

Cool.

-Zach?
-Yeah?

Don't you think we should
get our own apartment

when we get married?

But this is a great apartment.

I know this is a
great apartment.

-I thought you liked Brian.
-I do like Brian.

I just think maybe we'd
want our own place.

Our own place? Okay. Wow.

I tell you, this
marriage thing, major.

Every day, something
huge to think about.

Speaking of huge, you
need to talk to my mom.

You haven't told Mrs. Kim yet?

Don't worry. I'm
heading over there today.

You are? Are you ready?

You have a clean shirt?
You sewed up your pants?

Everything's under control. Hunter
and gatherer and all that crap.

-Go to work.
-Okay. Call me the minute you talk to her.

Okay.

-You got yourself a good woman there.
-Yep, I do.

-You are officially moved back in.
-Cool.

-Hey, wasn't the TV facing the other way?
-Yes. That's it.

It's good to have you home,
man. It's good to have you home.

Oh, yeah.

Hey, when you come
over later tonight,

I have a cricket cornered under
a paper cup in the living room.

I poked holes in the
top so he could breathe,

and then I taped it to the floor,
'cause he kept jumping out.

And I put books on top of the
tape in case it wasn't sticky enough.

So don't move the books
until you're ready for transport.

-What are you doing?
-I'm sewing my duffel bag.

-That's crazy.
-That's crazy?

Yeah. That thing's like 100
years old. Just throw it away.

-The bag is fine.
-That is not a bag.

That is a collection of molecules
tethered together by dirt.

I'll get you your
coffee in a minute.

Luke, come on, you're going
on a major trip next week.

-Spring for some real luggage.
-I don't need any luggage.

I'll go shopping with you.
We could hit the mall later.

I don't wanna go shopping.
I don't wanna hit the mall.

I will fix this bag
and it will be fine.

All right. I'll go shopping alone.
I can pick something out for you.

I appreciate the
offer, but I'm fine.

Oh, that's the third time he's
stabbed himself this morning.

Maybe we should put
him on suicide watch.

Couldn't hurt.

Yeah, hey, there's customers
to talk to if you're lonely.

I can't believe you think
shopping is more painful than this.

Oh, I'll be right back.

Rory. I can't
believe you're here.

Oh, I just thought I'd...

Wow! These small towns
are mighty friendly, aren't they?

-I have some really, really big news.
-What?

You've become a Shriner.

-Bleeding stop yet?
-It's fine.

You sure you don't want me to
call an ambulance or a Tumi store?

RORY: Oh, my God!

-Rory's here.
-She is?

Yeah. She's outside,
bouncing around with Lane.

-How come she came home?
-I don't know. Bouncing lessons?

-Did you hear?
-Did I hear what?

Show her, show her, show her.

-You won the Super Bowl?
-I'm engaged.

-No!
-Yes.

Let me see the ring again.

It's all Zach could
afford right now, but I

actually think it's
kind of rock 'n' roll.

It's the rocking
and the rollingest.

I'm so excited for you,
Lane. That's awesome.

Thanks. I would've told you
earlier, but I thought you knew.

Why would I know?

Well, Luke was standing
right there when it happened.

-You knew?
-Yeah.

Luke, did you forget to tell me?

No. I just thought that Lane
would wanna tell you herself.

You forgot to tell me.

Fine. Sure. I forgot
to tell you. So what?

I remember being engaged
to you, isn't that enough?

Can I get some more coffee?

I'll be right back.

Oh, I am so hungry.

Do you think Luke would be
willing to make us s'mores today?

Hey, for you? Anything.
So, nice surprise.

What? Lane?

No, you. Showing
up. I didn't expect it.

You being such a modern,
busy woman and all.

Well, I can bring home the
bacon and fry it up in a pan.

So, any special occasion
I should know about?

No, I just thought I could use a good
Stars Hollow fix for a couple days.

-How crazy are things at the inn?
-Absolutely insane.

However, for you, I think
I could play a little hooky.

-What a role model.
-Well, I try.

So, what's new? You okay?

Yeah, why?

Well, Logan, the moving out.

Oh. Right. About that.
Remember the new address?

-Yeah.
-Cross it out. I'm back at the old one.

-What? Back at Logan's?
-Yeah.

How did this happen?

He came over to Paris's
last night, and we talked.

He explained everything.

So there's an explanation?

Yeah. And we're fine now.

You're fine. But what
about the bridesmaids?

Misunderstanding.
Everything's good.

Here. Start on these. I'm
making you some s'mores.

He's the most beautiful
man in the world.

Yeah. You should see
him carry a spider outside.

A.K., it's a lacrosse
piece. It's fine.

Well, I'm sorry I can't give you more
feedback, but until five minutes ago,

I didn't even know Yale
had a lacrosse team.

So, when I criticize a
piece, you think I hate it.

When I don't criticize a
piece, you think I hate it.

Do you want me to hate you, A.K.?
Because it's becoming a possibility.

Wonderful. In that case,

I will continue to be a fan of
you and your work. Goodbye.

You're quite the busy bee.

Oh, yeah. Well, writers
can be temperamental.

I'm sure.

You like neon.

Sorry?

I see you're making liberal use
of my pink neon Post-it notes.

I'm sorry, Michel.

Would you like me
to reimburse you

for the seven pink neon
Post-it notes that I have used?

'Cause I'd be happy to
if you can break a penny.

No, little Lorelai,

it's not the cost that is the
problem, it's the disruption.

Disruption?

-Of the system.
-I see.

-Do you?
-No.

The pink neon Post-it notes I
use for guests who are checking in.

The green neon Post-it notes
are for guests checking out.

And the watermelon
Post-it notes are for guests

who have altered or
canceled their reservations.

As you can see, the pink neon
stack is now woefully out of balance

with the green neon stack,

creating the illusion
that more guests

have been checking
in than checking out,

which, of course, is a
physical impossibility

unless we have
begun murdering them.

Are you guys having
a staring contest?

'Cause I think, for it to be
official, you have to be seated.

I was just filling your daughter in on
the inner workings of the Dragonfly.

Oh, what did she do?

I took some Post-its.

But the system!

It will never happen again.

Michel, you have my
deep and sincere apologies.

She was raised better than that.

Oh, well, actually I did
it with the other hand.

I'm going on my break.

He seems good.

Yeah, it's the yoga. So,
you ready for the movie?

[CELL PHONE RINGING]

Yeah. Let me just get my stuff.

Hello.

Lorelai, it's your mother.
I'm calling you from the car.

Yeah, well, you're not calling
to me from a car, so stop yelling.

But you're on speakerphone.

I stand by my earlier position.

Fine. How far is it from
Preston to New London?

[WOMAN SPEAKING
GERMAN ON CAR GPS]

What's going on? Where are you?

In Preston, apparently.

Though we're supposed to be
at an estate sale in New London.

This bag of bolts.

And this GPS contraption your father
insisted on buying is speaking German.

Well, New London's
right near Stars Hollow.

And Preston's not.

-I knew it.
-Still yelling.

Richard, what are you
doing? Why are you stopping?

Because this contraption, as you call it,
can only be used when the car is stopped.

So every time we want to
ask the machine for directions,

we have to pull over
to the side of the road?

It would appear so.

I thought the whole point
of installing the machine

was to avoid pulling over to the
side of the road to ask directions.

If I told people, they
wouldn't believe it.

What's going on?

Apparently, there's a fight to the
death between Richard and Emily

and an evil German
supercomputer.

Oh, I wanna hear.

EMILY: I thought we paid $4,000
for a computer to give us directions,

not to baby-sit us and make decisions
for us about how to live our lives.

I mean, what's next?

The radio won't turn on
if it doesn't like the song?

The engine won't start if the cup
of coffee I'm holding is too hot?

Maybe the car won't go in reverse if
it doesn't like the smell of my perfume.

At the moment,
Emily, I would be happy

if I could just get the damn thing
to stop barking at me in German.

Hi. Remember me? Yeah, you
called me, like, 45 minutes ago.

Yes, Lorelai. I'm still here.

Right. In Preston.
About 20 miles off course.

Twenty miles! I
told you, Richard.

What you said, Emily, was to turn
south when I wanted to turn north.

Next time, you guys should
call before you head out.

You could have stopped by.

GPS: At the next
light, turn right.

Ah. There we are.
English, at last.

Well, we still could.

We were only planning on staying
at the estate sale for a little while.

What? No, no, you guys have
already gone way past Stars Hollow.

It's no problem.

We don't mind going a little
out of our way, do we, Richard?

No, certainly not.

When should she expect us?

Oh, about 4:30.

Wait, wait.

I don't want you guys to
have to make a special trip.

That really, really
wouldn't make any sense.

That's crazy. That's,
like, asylum crazy.

Besides, Rory and I were just
about to head out for a movie.

-Rory's there?
-Damn.

-Excuse me?
-Damn straight.

Wonderful! We'll see
you both around 4.:30.

Damn it.

What are you doing here?

Lane is not here right now.

And anyway, there are
laws against stalking.

You go to jail.

No, I'm not stalking. I'm
just looking for a doorknob.

$75.

Wow. Could you throw in a door?

Cash or credit?

Actually, could I
talk to you first?

About what?

I wanna marry Lane.

I see.

I know Lane's
your only daughter,

and I know how
important she is to you,

but I really love her. I
mean, really love her.

She's smart and
hot. Well, not hot.

I don't mean hot,
like, in a slutty way.

She's beautiful and cool
and an awesome drummer.

Now, I know you
may have questions,

and I totally get that, so I
brought some stuff to answer them.

First thing, I'm a good worker.

That's a letter of recommendation
from my manager at Quest Copying.

Notice the part where he
wrote, "Zach's a good worker."

Now, I didn't tell
him to say that,

and he doesn't even really
dig me that much personally,

so you know he means it.

I'm also in line
for a promotion.

Assistant Manager, which
comes with medical benefits,

so I can buy cheap medicine
and get my teeth cleaned and stuff.

That's my latest bank statement.

It's not a lot, I know, but it
grows a little every month.

Well, except for maybe this month.
The doorknob's gonna set me back a bit.

I thought you were a musician.

Well, yeah, I am.

And that is your true calling?

Yes, but that doesn't
mean I'm into drugs

or looking to do the whole
Baby Shambles thing.

-I just like to play.
-You have a demo?

Sure. But, I swear, the music
never interferes with my day job.

You can call my manager.

-Bring it to me.
-What?

I need to know whether
you can provide for Lane.

But I can. I showed you I can.

As a musician.

This is what you want
to do with your life, yes?

Yeah.

Then you will bring
me your demo.

But what are you
going to do? Review it?

Because rock,
it's very subjective.

-I will evaluate it.
-Evaluate it.

And you haven't mentioned anything
about marriage to Lane yet, right?

Oh, no. I came to you first.

Good. Don't tell her.

No need to get her hopes up
in case this doesn't work out.

You don't think it's
gonna work out?

We take one step at a time.

-Do you still want the doorknob?
-Not really.

Are you sure this whole thing
isn't just an elaborate scheme

to get me to help
you clean your house?

Just throw away or hide anything
that might be incriminating.

Incriminating?

Yes. Anything that can, could or might
lead to a conversation about anything.

-How about this?
-Are you kidding me?

A freckled, half-naked Lindsay
Lohan on the cover of Vanity Fair?

Skin cancer, drug abuse,
anorexia, bra shopping.

Just dump it.

-You're hiding your flowers?
-Yes.

'Cause when people see flowers,
they feel happy and welcome.

It's important that my parents
have as few positive associations

about being here as possible.

Well, we could hit them
over the head with mallets

when they walk in the door.

No, but I do have this
incredibly bad-smelling perfume

that Luke gave me for Christmas last
year that I could spray around the house.

It's like a cross between
Love's Baby Soft

and Curious by Britney Spears,
with just a hint of Lysol thrown in.

Delightful.

Well, God bless him. He tries.

[DOORBELL RINGING]

-Food.
-No, I'm Lorelai.

-Heavy.
-That's just mean.

-Falling.
-Right. Follow me.

You are a lifesaver, Sookie.

I try.

Okay, we've got mac 'n' cheese. We've got
taquitos. We've got little bitty hot dogs.

-Wait, Sookie, what is all this stuff?
-What? I made your favorites.

But my parents aren't
gonna eat any of this.

Your parents? I
thought this was for you.

You thought I
wanted to sit by myself

and eat an entire buffet of
the world's most fattening food?

I don't know. I figured it
was just one of your cravings

or maybe just a fun way to
announce that you're pregnant.

What?

Well, you were saying something
about being a sudden parent

or expecting or being due soon.

It's impossible to hear anything
over that damn Cuisinart

and all those gossiping busboys.

So you're not pregnant?

No. I'm just expecting my
parents over any minute.

Oh. Yeah, that makes sense, too.

That's okay. We'll make do.

-I'm not pregnant.
-Okay, okay.

-Now, the food.
-Right. Okay.

The mini hot dogs
can be bratwurst.

The mac 'n' cheese
can be pasta à Ia Sookie.

And presto, the
taquitos are blinis.

And the chili fries?

-Are chili fries.
-Right.

-Hey, Sookie.
-Hi, Rory. Blini?

Yes, please.

So I cleared out all the magazines,
newspapers and most of the books.

And I hid away all the
throw pillows and blankets,

and I lowered the heat to 55 to
ensure minimal post-meal lingering.

Yale-educated.

I'll go do one
final walk-through.

Last chance before I stash them.

I'm not.

Okay, okay.

Grandma and
Grandpa's Jag is here.

What? I didn't hear them drive
up. Did you hear them drive up?

-No.
-Well, where the hell are they?

I don't know.

Maybe they've been taken.

Don't tease me.

Go. I'll finish setting up.

-The engine's cold.
-Maybe they have been taken.

Hello, Lorelai. Rory.

-Hi, Grandma.
-When did you get here?

Oh, just a few minutes ago. You
didn't tell me you were painting.

I know. It's part
of the remodel.

-And is that the final color?
-Yup.

Must be so nice not having to worry
about a homeowner's association.

RICHARD: There's a boat here.

-Dad?
-Lorelai. Rory.

Hi, Grandpa.

When did you get
a boat, Lorelai?

Richard, I've seen
that boat. It's Luke's.

Well, it doesn't
look very seaworthy.

It's a work in progress.
It was his father's.

Luke keeps his dead father's
boat locked away in your garage?

-Mother.
-What?

I'm just saying, isn't
that kind of morbid?

It's not like he's using
it to hold his bones.

You guys must be
hungry. Let's head inside.

Well, well, I had no idea
you'd had so much work done.

No, it's nothing extensive.
A nip here. A tuck there.

This room's been
completely redone.

A nip, nip, nip,
tuck, tuck, tuck.

Apparently, you haven't
installed the heat yet.

EMILY: What's this?
RORY: That's Paul Anka.

-You have a dog?
-I just got him.

-When?
-Yesterday.

Oh, fast learner, that one.

You should open an obedience
school. You'd make a fortune.

Oh, Mom, Dad. You
remember Sookie.

Of course. Hello, Sookie.

Will you be joining
us for dinner?

Oh, no, I'm just helping out.

The wainscoting
here is substandard.

If you'd called me, I could have
recommended a real professional.

Well, since mine was a fake professional,
I got to pay him in Monopoly money.

Is that veneer? Tell
me that's not veneer.

So, Sookie? Tapas
in the kitchen?

Right this way.

You're still eating
in the kitchen?

Yes. We always eat in the
kitchen. That's where the food is.

Grandpa, could I offer
you something to drink?

I suppose it's not
too early for a Scotch.

And what about you,
Grandma? Grandma?

EMILY: Up here.

Richard, come have a look.

-Where are you?
-In the bedroom.

Three minutes gone, they're
already in my bedroom.

Impressive, by the way,

with all those throw pillows,
blankets, magazines and books.

-Piled up on the bed?
-Bathtub.

That's gonna take
some explaining.

[ZACH'S DEMO PLAYING]

Hey, Mrs. Kim.

Still on the first song, huh?

No. I've listened the
whole thing, many times.

-Yeah? And?
-Nothing catchy.

Nothing? Out of all those songs?

There are good
bits here and there,

and Lane can really pound
the skins, but you need a hit.

A hit? But tons of great
bands don't have hits.

I don't care about other bands. I
care about your band. Lane's band.

-Don't you care about your band?
-I care a buttload.

-Then write a hit.
-Okay. Not a problem.

I mean, McCartney hasn't
written a hit in 20 years,

but I'll just sit down
and crank one out.

You will if you
want to marry Lane.

-That's just not how it works.
-I'll tell you how it works.

You write a hit, you
get a record contract.

You write a hit, you
get representation.

You write a hit, you
become husband.

Can you do it?
Can you write a hit?

I don't know. Maybe. I can try.

Don't try. Do.

Three-and-a-half minutes,
tops. And radio-friendly.

This pasta à Ia Sookie
is very good, Lorelai.

It's a big hit around the inn.

There's something very familiar
about it. I can't quite place it.

It's similar to the pasta à
la fromage at Delatoire's.

Yes. Delatoire sounds
like my kind of guy.

[CELL PHONE RINGING]

What's that noise
that keeps happening?

That's my cell phone,
Grandma. I'll turn it off.

Or you can just take it in
the other room, if you want.

Nope. It's off. Pass the blinis.

So, Lorelai. A new dog. A
new bedroom. A new bathroom.

It's like a whole new house.

-Except that it's the same house.
-It doesn't look the same.

It's lucky we had your address.
We would've driven right by.

Well, I was waiting until it
was all done to show you.

All done? There's
more that you're doing?

Oh, yeah. The mailbox is crooked,
and I was gonna plant a bush in the yard.

Forgive me, I had no idea such a
stunning makeover was ahead of me.

I feel terribly involved.

Mom, come on. You
were gonna be invited over.

I just wanted to make sure
everything was done and ready

and that I could have you
over when I could spend

the maximum amount of
time showing you around.

[WHISPERING]
My parents are here.

I was hoping to have a nice
little catered affair, you know,

with guys in black
coats carrying trays.

'Cause I know how much you love
guys in black coats carrying trays.

Who was at the door?

Oh, it was Ed McMahon.

He's always showing up with
these big cardboard checks.

They are impossible
to endorse, by the way.

I am never not sorry
that I ask these questions.

So, I'm guessing all this means
that you and Luke will be staying.

-Staying?
-In Stars Hollow.

Mom, I've lived in Stars
Hollow for 21 years.

You can live somewhere your entire
life and never truly feel at home, Lorelai.

Well, I do. I feel at home here.

Mostly 'cause it is my home
and has been for 21 years.

Yes, well...

This house does have a certain
charm. It feels very homey.

I can see you and Luke here.

Wow. Thank you, Mom.

How about I make some coffee?

Thank you, Rory, but we'll
have to take a rain check.

Look at the time, Emily.

Goodness. I had no
idea it was so late.

Yes. Who knew that three hours
and 14 minutes could go by so fast?

Well, I certainly didn't.

-Drive safe!
-Bye-bye now!

Your parents are exhausting.

Not as exhausting
as your grandparents.

That was Luke at
the door, wasn't it?

Yeah. Okay, second wind.

Now, the early-bird dinner made
immediate eating unnecessary,

so I say we go straight to the movie
and pick up a pizza on the way home.

Perfect.

Or perhaps we could
get pizza on the way there

and sneak it in, just in case.

You in the market
for some luggage?

What? Oh. That's for Luke.

He's going on a trip and his
stupid duffel bag is in shreds.

What trip?

He is going to chaperone
April's field trip to Philadelphia.

Really?

Yeah. He's really
excited about it.

That excitement might
end when he gets there

and discovers that his underwear fell
out somewhere around Amish country.

The Amish, however, will be
psyched. All right. What do we want?

A comedy, a tragedy or a
tragedy that makes us laugh?

Have you met her yet?

-Met who?
-April.

Not officially.

What about her mom?
What do you know about her?

Not much. Apparently,
she's incredibly beautiful,

she grew up here, she
owns a store in Woodbridge,

and Miss Patty thinks she
was Mata Hari in a former life.

-What kind of store?
-I don't know.

Hey. I have an idea,
a really good idea.

Oh. You have evil face.

No. We should go to
Woodbridge and go to her store.

What?

Yeah. She won't know who we are.

We could just go in there
and see what she looks like.

-No.
-Why not?

Because I'm not spying
on Luke's old girlfriends.

You mean, the mother
of your fiancé's daughter.

Whatever. It's weird and creepy.

You're telling me you're not at all
curious about the other woman?

She's not the other woman.
She's another woman.

Come on, where's
your adventurous spirit?

Hey, this is Luke's thing, okay?

He wants me to keep out of it for
now, so I'm staying out of it. For now.

Come on, troublemaker. Put
that evil mind to better use here.

Fine. Last half of Nanny McPhee,
first half of Final Destination 3.

Brilliant. Now that is what
a mind is for, my friend.

I'm sorry, but after
you almost get killed

on a plane and on the freeway,

why would you choose to go on
a crazy, terrifying roller coaster?

Oh, boy.

I mean, at that point,
just stay home, right?

Because it's a horror movie.

Yes, but it doesn't make sense.

It's not supposed to make sense.
It's supposed to make you sick.

Fine. Whatever. I'm
heading over to the inn.

Do you wanna come over and hang?

No. I gotta run some errands.
I'll meet you there later.

All right, but watch out that a
streetlight doesn't accidentally break off,

swing down and decapitate you.

Will do.

I mean why even bother
calling it Final Destination 3?

At that point, just call it Now
You're Really, Really, Really Dead.

Hello, Hollywood? Boy,
have I got a pitch for you.

ANNA: T-shirt or top?

-What do you need most?
-Both.

Then go for broke.

Not literally, of course. We
like our customers solvent.

It keeps them coming back.

"Your boyfriend wants me"?

What can I say?
It's our biggest seller.

Okay. I guess I'll try these on.

Dressing room's right through
there, sweetie. Call if you need sizes.

1960's Pan Am stewardess bag.

Oh. Really? A
stewardess bag, huh?

Yeah, I have the stewardess that
goes with it, too. But it'll cost you.

Well, it's really cute. All
your stuff is really cute.

Thank you. I try to stock
mostly one-of-a-kind things.

I'm really into the whole "this is
mine, you can't have it" scene.

Must be only-child syndrome.

Ah, yes. I know it well.

-Okay. Well, take your time.
-Okay.

Everything in that corner of
the store smells like vanilla.

Freaky and unplanned.

-No.
-What?

-No.
-But...

Trust me. At this moment, I
am your best friend in the world.

-Should I just look in the...
-No.

-Okay, well...
-Not that either.

Look, Mrs. Kingston, Kirk will
not rest until you are satisfied.

Your demands are Kirk's demands.
Your needs are Kirk's needs.

Kirk is here for you.

Kirk?

Kirk appreciates that, Mrs.
Kingston. We'll talk soon.

-What are you doing here?
-Trying to bag a whale.

Kirk's in the real
estate game now.

-Stop doing that.
-What?

Referring to yourself as Kirk.

But that's Kirk's thing.
Every realtor needs a thing.

This is Kirk's thing.

-You're a realtor?
-Trainee, technically.

Well, take your training
somewhere else, okay?

You're scaring away all
my customers. And my staff.

Unfortunately, there is nowhere
else. Trainees don't get offices.

Or salaries. Or
jackets, actually.

I'm supposed to be having this
dry-cleaned for one of the senior brokers.

Smells a little funky,
but fits like a dream.

You've got Kirk. Yes, Mrs.
Zellner. Right, the Dragonfly Inn.

See you this afternoon.

Wait, you're
meeting clients here?

-Only a few.
-No.

I promise I'll be out of your
hair as soon as I make my bones.

I just need a temporary
place to conduct my business

and potentially have sex
with prospective clients.

-What?
-That's Kirk's other thing.

The young, virile, eye-candy angle
for lonely widows and aging divorcées.

Works like a charm. I plan
on running it by Lulu, of course.

Kirk, get out of here.

Take your jacket and
your dippy Star Trek device

and your creepy new
career and scram.

Fine. But I would've expected a
little more cooperation from you,

considering what I'm
doing for your parents.

What are you doing
for my parents?

Shoot. I should
not have said that.

-Said what?
-Nothing. I can neither confirm nor deny

that your parents are looking
for a place in Stars Hollow.

My parents are looking
for a place in Stars Hollow?

I can't say. The realtor
trainee-client privilege is sacrosanct.

The manual's very clear on that.

How long have they been looking?

I've already said too much.
It isn't even my account.

-The entire firm is working on it.
-How long, Kirk?

All I know is they're
looking, they're pricing.

They've seen three gracious
single-family Tudors this week,

and they have a 2:00 p.m. showing
tomorrow at 546 Oak Ridge Lane.

But I cannot and will not
violate their confidence.

This cannot be happening.

Kirk here. Well, hello, Ms.
Wyatt. Lovely to hear your voice.

Have I got a duplex for you.

I am getting three hot dogs
tonight, and I'll tell you why.

I have Bugsy Malone
running through my head,

especially the scene where Scott
Baio buys Florrie Dugger a hot dog,

and he offers her mustard
with onions or ketchup without.

So I started thinking, what would I like?
Mustard with onions or ketchup without?

And then suddenly, they both
started to sound really good.

But I usually get my hot
dogs with ketchup and relish,

and you don't just walk out on something
that has served you so well for so long,

so three hot dogs it is.

So what do you think happened
to Florrie Dugger, anyway?

She moved to Stars Hollow,

and her mother harped on her
hairstyle so much she jumped off a bridge.

-What?
-The Gilmores are moving in.

What are you talking about?

Kirk was in here today.

Nothing good starts with
"Kirk was in here today."

And he's trying to be a realtor,

and he told me that he's been taking
my parents around to look at houses.

-Around here?
-Yes.

-But why?
-Why?

Because Luke and I
are getting married,

and I guess they figure
we'll be having kids,

and they wanna be near
me when that happens.

Really near. Like, in the
room wearing Bill Blass scrubs.

-Oh, boy.
-I don't know what to do.

I moved 30 miles away
from my parents for a reason.

Those 30 miles act as a buffer,

so that when my mother says
something that makes me want to kill her,

I have to drive
30 miles to do it.

Ten miles in, I usually calm down
or I get hungry or I pass a mall.

Something prevents me
from actually killing her.

That buffer is my
mother's best friend.

Take the buffer away,
and you got Nancy Grace

camping out at Miss
Patty's lawn for a month.

Okay, you need to get a
grip. Maybe Kirk is wrong.

Maybe.

Well, don't think about it. Here,
let me distract you with a present.

-For me?
-For you.

Well, the world
stops for a present.

Oh, it's so cute. I love it.

Good. You wanna
know where I got it?

-Where'd you get it?
-At Anna Nardini's store.

What?

It was great. I just strolled
right in, looked very casual.

I didn't have to pretend like
I needed help or anything.

She just came
right up to me and...

I told you. I didn't
wanna go there.

Well, you didn't. I did.

Yeah, but I didn't want
you to go there, either.

What's the big deal?
She didn't know who I was.

The big deal is Luke
asked me to stay out of this.

He told me that he
would deal with it.

But you're his fiancée.

Yeah. And you should be
able to trust your fiancée.

Oh, right, the way he trusted
you when he found out about April?

-Hey.
-Okay. I'm sorry.

I just think it's crazy that you don't
wanna know anything about this woman.

Rory, this conversation is over.

-So, you're not at all curious about her?
-No.

So you don't wanna
know what she looks like?

No.

I'm sorry, you seriously don't
care whether she's pretty or not?

No.

So you have no interest in the fact that
she has good taste in clothes or music...

-Rory, stop. Drop it. I mean it.
-Fine.

I guess you don't
want the purse, then.

[SINGING]

So?

Close.

Last part needs work.

Well, I don't know
what else to do.

What you do is try again.

I've been working on
this song for 20 hours.

My fingers are
cramping. I'm totally fried.

Run in place for a minute.
Gets the blood moving.

Forget it. This is hopeless.

-What?
-I can't write a hit, okay?

Not with that attitude you
can't. Now, pick up your guitar.

Let me hear the last
line of the chorus again.

[SINGING]

-It stinks.
-Great.

Try going out on a minor chord.

A minor chord? Like this one?

Different minor chord.

Not quite.

How's this one?

-Better.
-Yeah.

That is better. Very Ray Davies.

I was thinking Dave Clark Five.
Now try it again. The whole chorus.

[SINGING]

-Whoa.
-Now that is a hit song.

It is. We wrote a hit song.
Mrs. Kim, we wrote a hit song!

Excellent. Now we go inside.

You know, I try to write with Brian
all the time, but it doesn't work out.

'Cause he gives in way too easy.
You know, he just doesn't push me.

I gotta couple more songs
I'd love for you to listen to.

-Maybe I can bring them by later?
-Lane. Come down here now.

Zach has something
important to say to you.

Yes, Zach?

-Your mom and I just wrote a hit song.
-What?

It was incredible. We were in
the garage, it was awesome.

-It goes out on a minor chord...
-Zach.

Yeah?

Don't you have something
else to say to Lane?

Maybe something to ask her?

Oh. Right. Sorry.

Lane.

Lane, will you marry me?

Yes, Zach, I will.

Hold on.

This ring belonged
to my grandmother.

Now it belongs to you.

Thanks, Mama.

That one you keep in drawer,
so it doesn't scare the children.

All right. You two are
now officially engaged.

There is much for you to discuss,
so I will leave you two alone.

You have 15 minutes.

-I can't believe it. We did it.
-I know. We're getting married.

Now, tell me about this song.

Lane, you are not
gonna believe it.

Think early Kinks meets The
Jam meets The Futureheads.

Here, I'll play it.

[SINGING]

Okay, but see, I'm sorry. They
did not even come up with a villain.

No Freddy, no Jason.
The villain is death?

How lame is that? Who
is seeing this movie?

Apparently, we are.
Many, many times.

But how can they make money off of
that? I mean, where's the Halloween mask?

Where's the costume?

How can they keep making
the same stupid movie

over and over and over?

Ah, Caesar. Thank God.

We desperately need
something to put in her mouth.

Hi. Two cheeseburgers and a
copy of Syd Field's book, please.

We are missing the
boat. Where's Luke?

He just ran upstairs.

He's got this new policy of not yelling
at the vendors in front of customers.

[CELL PHONE RINGING]

-So, what should we do after dinner?
-So.

Do you wanna rent
Final Destination 1 and 2?

So many things wrong with you.

-Here. Freshly made.
-Excellent.

Hey, what kind of doughnuts
do you have left over?

I think we have chocolate,
one jelly and a crumb.

-Jelly, please.
-Okay.

-Hey, fancy new bag you got there.
-Huh?

Oh, that's Luke's. I
think he just got it today.

I'll go check on your burgers.

So, I finally wore
him down, huh?

What?

Well, I don't know if
you wanna know this,

but I saw that bag
earlier at Anna's store.

-That bag?
-Yeah.

How do you know it
was the same exact bag?

There must be millions
of places who sell it.

I guess.

I mean, Anna did say that she likes to
stock one-of-a-kind things. It's possible.

Excuse me.

I ordered Swiss,
Monty. Swiss has holes.

It's a terrific
way to identify it.

Okay. Yeah, Thursday's good,
but tomorrow would be even better.

Okay, let me put
it to you like this.

If it comes on Thursday,
it's half price, right?

All right, we'll
see you tomorrow.

Hey. Am I interrupting?

No. I was just
straightening something out.

How was the movie?

Do not get me started.
Rory's downstairs.

-Great. I'll be right down.
-Cool. That's cool.

-You okay?
-What? Sure. Great.

-So, I see papa's got a brand new bag.
-Huh?

I saw your snazzy new
luggage downstairs.

Oh. Right. Anna sent that over.

Oh, wow. Coinkydink, huh?

Well, we were talking
about April's trip itinerary,

and I guess I mentioned that
my duffel bag's falling apart,

and next thing I know,
she sent the thing over.

-That's nice.
-Sure. It's fine.

You know, I was serious when I said I
would go out and buy you new luggage.

I'm nothing if not
a gifted shopper.

Oh, I know that.
But it's here, so...

Yeah. It's here.

-So this doesn't bother you, does it?
-What?

That Anna sent me the bag?
Because I can send it back.

-Oh, no, no. It's cool.
-You sure?

Yeah. I'm fine. So, I
should get back down.

-Okay. I'll be by in a minute.
-Cool.

-Well?
-Well, what?

-Is the bag from Anna?
-Yes, it is.

-It is.
-It is.

He mentioned his duffel bag
was shot, and she sent a bag over.

He didn't ask for it. He
explained the whole thing to me.

We discussed it, and we're fine.

-You're fine?
-Yep, I'm fine.

LOGAN: Where the hell you been?

Oh, I went to Stars Hollow to
visit my mom for a couple days.

-You went to Stars Hollow?
-Yep.

Well, you could've told me, Ace.
Left a note, called, something.

Yeah, I know. I should've.

I mean, I wake up
and you're gone.

I didn't mean to freak you out.

I kept calling your cell. I
must've called it 100 times.

Oh, yeah. Well, my cell died,

and my charger
was here, of course.

I have to buy an extra one.
You keep telling me that.

Finally, I checked
in with the paper.

They told me you've been e-mailing
stuff, so at least I knew you were alive.

I'm so sorry. It just
became this whole thing.

My grandparents
stopped by unexpectedly,

which took forever, and
anyhow, it's a long story.

But I promise it'll never happen
again. I have to take a shower.

-Rory.
-Yeah?

-You sure everything's okay?
-Yeah. It's fine.