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1
00:00:00,977 --> 00:00:03,978
[jaunty string music]
2
00:00:03,980 --> 00:00:05,946
_
3
00:00:07,896 --> 00:00:08,996
Today is my birthday.
4
00:00:08,998 --> 00:00:11,031
[screaming]
5
00:00:11,033 --> 00:00:12,933
I love September 11th.
6
00:00:12,935 --> 00:00:14,701
Thank you.
7
00:00:18,573 --> 00:00:21,675
Oh, Chair, this must
be so exciting for you.
8
00:00:21,677 --> 00:00:24,244
It's your first
Lillian's birthday.
9
00:00:24,246 --> 00:00:26,647
Why aren't these diamonds
inside the piñata?
10
00:00:26,649 --> 00:00:29,049
You're asleep
at the switch of danger.
11
00:00:29,051 --> 00:00:30,050
Now hurry, before--
12
00:00:30,052 --> 00:00:33,186
[coughing]
13
00:00:35,957 --> 00:00:37,624
[hacking]
14
00:00:39,826 --> 00:00:41,727
[groans]
15
00:00:41,729 --> 00:00:43,429
[coughing continues]
16
00:00:45,966 --> 00:00:47,567
Here we go.
17
00:00:49,503 --> 00:00:52,405
[laughs]
18
00:00:52,407 --> 00:00:53,973
I said I wanted a gold pony,
19
00:00:53,975 --> 00:00:56,909
and the one you gave me
is only painted gold.
20
00:00:56,911 --> 00:01:00,079
Yes, dear, we tried to dip
the pony in molten gold,
21
00:01:00,081 --> 00:01:01,914
but it put up
such a terrible fight.
22
00:01:01,916 --> 00:01:04,183
I cannot believe this
is how I'm being treated
23
00:01:04,185 --> 00:01:06,752
by my own family on my...
24
00:01:06,754 --> 00:01:08,520
birthday!
25
00:01:08,522 --> 00:01:11,056
Ugh!
26
00:01:11,058 --> 00:01:13,192
[screams]
27
00:01:13,194 --> 00:01:15,026
[crying]
You're ruining my life!
28
00:01:15,028 --> 00:01:18,263
(Peepers) Ever since Lillian first
began her womanly bleeding,
29
00:01:18,265 --> 00:01:20,865
her birthday has been
a menagerie of horrors.
30
00:01:20,867 --> 00:01:22,601
I said a gold pony!
31
00:01:22,603 --> 00:01:23,602
Gah!
32
00:01:23,604 --> 00:01:24,969
[screams]
33
00:01:24,971 --> 00:01:26,338
[gunshot]
34
00:01:26,340 --> 00:01:29,540
[dramatic music]
35
00:01:29,542 --> 00:01:34,679
♪ ♪
36
00:01:34,681 --> 00:01:35,914
Hello, Wiener.
37
00:01:38,250 --> 00:01:40,118
Daddy's home.
38
00:01:40,120 --> 00:01:43,121
[hip-hop music]
39
00:01:51,329 --> 00:01:54,443
40
00:01:55,100 --> 00:01:56,100
[cork pops]
41
00:01:56,102 --> 00:01:57,368
[laughter]
42
00:01:57,370 --> 00:01:59,303
(Victor)
When I saw that pile
43
00:01:59,305 --> 00:02:01,538
of human excrement
Charles Ponzi,
44
00:02:01,540 --> 00:02:04,641
I retired to the sanctity
of my bedroom.
45
00:02:06,577 --> 00:02:10,180
How dare she bring another man
into this house?
46
00:02:10,182 --> 00:02:12,549
I refuse to be scandalized.
47
00:02:12,551 --> 00:02:17,354
Tabu, dispense the gifts while
I give a rousing amends speech.
48
00:02:17,356 --> 00:02:19,055
(Ponzi)
This little fellow's Tabu.
49
00:02:19,057 --> 00:02:20,857
Won him in a game of Kariki.
50
00:02:20,859 --> 00:02:24,894
One of the cuter brownies,
if I do say so myself.
51
00:02:24,896 --> 00:02:25,995
I love this.
52
00:02:25,997 --> 00:02:28,064
I'm going to name it Frederick.
53
00:02:28,066 --> 00:02:31,167
Ponzi left my sister
at the altar when she was 12.
54
00:02:31,169 --> 00:02:32,736
He's a selfish jerk,
55
00:02:32,738 --> 00:02:35,371
and that's the total opposite
of Lillian.
56
00:02:36,673 --> 00:02:38,340
My darling Lillian.
57
00:02:38,342 --> 00:02:40,676
There was no excuse for me
leaving you at the altar,
58
00:02:40,678 --> 00:02:43,012
nor for me banging
that hermaphrodite
59
00:02:43,014 --> 00:02:44,113
in my dressing chambers.
60
00:02:44,115 --> 00:02:45,948
I was-- I was a mess.
61
00:02:45,950 --> 00:02:48,317
Don't think I knew
about that last part.
62
00:02:48,319 --> 00:02:50,185
Don't worry,
you're much prettier.
63
00:02:50,187 --> 00:02:51,186
Whoa-ho-ho!
64
00:02:51,188 --> 00:02:53,589
I am so sorry, everyone.
65
00:02:53,591 --> 00:02:54,956
Tabu...
66
00:02:54,958 --> 00:02:56,625
Who told you it was okay
67
00:02:56,627 --> 00:03:00,095
for air to pass through
your lips and vocal cords?
68
00:03:00,097 --> 00:03:01,129
Nobody.
69
00:03:01,131 --> 00:03:02,398
Nobody, no.
70
00:03:02,400 --> 00:03:04,600
Now go get the servant gift.
71
00:03:04,602 --> 00:03:05,768
Go!
72
00:03:08,504 --> 00:03:12,040
It's a Puffing Billy,
for your servants.
73
00:03:12,042 --> 00:03:15,710
New technology,
sucks the dust right up.
74
00:03:15,712 --> 00:03:18,713
Tick-tock,
the time has come.
75
00:03:18,715 --> 00:03:21,382
Open your gift,
my fat, little Wiener.
76
00:03:23,118 --> 00:03:25,486
It's the jewel
of the seven snakes.
77
00:03:25,488 --> 00:03:26,688
They say every time
you touch it,
78
00:03:26,690 --> 00:03:28,222
a village somewhere
in the world
79
00:03:28,224 --> 00:03:29,757
is afflicted
with a flesh-eating disease.
80
00:03:29,759 --> 00:03:31,759
(Lillian)
Oh, how charming!
81
00:03:31,761 --> 00:03:34,562
Oh, Charles, I've always
wanted a cursed jewel,
82
00:03:34,564 --> 00:03:37,031
ever since I saw
that blood-soaked opal in...
83
00:03:37,033 --> 00:03:38,533
(both)
Morocco.
84
00:03:40,435 --> 00:03:41,836
What a summer that was.
85
00:03:41,838 --> 00:03:42,903
I was 11,
86
00:03:42,905 --> 00:03:44,839
the height of a woman's
sexual peak.
87
00:03:44,841 --> 00:03:47,474
Never before had I seen
so much art
88
00:03:47,476 --> 00:03:49,476
or had so much humping.
89
00:03:49,478 --> 00:03:51,445
To this day,
I still can't look at an African
90
00:03:51,447 --> 00:03:53,680
without tasting Ponzi's semen.
91
00:03:53,882 --> 00:03:55,982
(Dodo)
Peepers, more champagne.
92
00:03:55,984 --> 00:03:57,017
Yes.
93
00:03:58,619 --> 00:04:01,187
[all shouting]
94
00:04:01,189 --> 00:04:03,023
Excuse me.
95
00:04:03,025 --> 00:04:05,224
Oh, the shame.
96
00:04:05,226 --> 00:04:06,426
(Dodo) Where are you going?
97
00:04:06,428 --> 00:04:09,162
Your break isn't until March.
98
00:04:09,164 --> 00:04:12,765
I remember when we had
to put our butler down.
99
00:04:27,781 --> 00:04:30,716
[groaning]
100
00:04:45,764 --> 00:04:47,532
Miss Hortense,
I don't mean to be meddlesome,
101
00:04:47,534 --> 00:04:50,668
but your menstruation cup
is empty.
102
00:04:50,670 --> 00:04:51,903
Oh?
103
00:04:51,905 --> 00:04:53,505
Either you've hit
menopause early
104
00:04:53,507 --> 00:04:55,440
or you're up the duff.
105
00:04:55,442 --> 00:04:56,975
[laughs]
That's not possible.
106
00:04:56,977 --> 00:04:58,042
I'm barren.
107
00:04:58,044 --> 00:04:59,677
How do you know you're barren?
108
00:04:59,679 --> 00:05:01,480
My sisters have yelled it
at me since I was eight.
109
00:05:01,482 --> 00:05:02,814
I've had my fingers
in a lot of women,
110
00:05:02,816 --> 00:05:05,216
and I know a pregnant vagina
when I feel it.
111
00:05:05,218 --> 00:05:06,784
No!
112
00:05:06,786 --> 00:05:08,252
Oh, this is awful.
113
00:05:08,254 --> 00:05:09,754
I mean, I was the barren one.
114
00:05:09,756 --> 00:05:10,955
It's what made me special.
115
00:05:10,957 --> 00:05:12,123
It's my thing!
116
00:05:12,125 --> 00:05:13,124
Don't you see?
117
00:05:13,126 --> 00:05:14,291
This is a blessing.
118
00:05:14,293 --> 00:05:16,427
You can say good-bye
to your friends,
119
00:05:16,429 --> 00:05:17,762
your dream to be a writer,
120
00:05:17,764 --> 00:05:20,030
and simply stay home
and wipe dirt
121
00:05:20,032 --> 00:05:21,898
off your baby's butt.
122
00:05:21,900 --> 00:05:23,467
I must go.
123
00:05:23,469 --> 00:05:25,369
The grouse liver
won't deworm itself.
124
00:05:25,371 --> 00:05:26,537
Wait.
125
00:05:26,539 --> 00:05:29,507
There must be something
I can do.
126
00:05:29,509 --> 00:05:30,841
There is an old folk remedy
127
00:05:30,843 --> 00:05:32,443
called "throw yourself
down the stairs,"
128
00:05:32,445 --> 00:05:34,345
but it gets a bit messy.
129
00:05:34,347 --> 00:05:35,712
Lucky for you,
130
00:05:35,714 --> 00:05:38,115
I know someone who helps
girls in this situation.
131
00:05:38,117 --> 00:05:39,716
Really?
132
00:05:45,089 --> 00:05:46,289
[clattering]
133
00:05:46,291 --> 00:05:47,524
Peepers!
134
00:05:47,526 --> 00:05:49,492
Sweet Peepers!
135
00:05:49,494 --> 00:05:50,994
Somebody call the doctor!
136
00:05:50,996 --> 00:05:52,795
No, no doctors!
137
00:05:52,797 --> 00:05:56,232
Garfield, go into my room.
138
00:05:56,234 --> 00:05:58,134
Look under my bed...
139
00:05:58,136 --> 00:06:00,136
Yes.
140
00:06:00,138 --> 00:06:01,937
And find my iron lung.
141
00:06:01,939 --> 00:06:02,972
- Yes.
- Go.
142
00:06:02,974 --> 00:06:04,040
- Ow.
- Go.
143
00:06:04,042 --> 00:06:05,408
Yes!
144
00:06:07,645 --> 00:06:09,879
(Peepers)
Get the sherry glasses ready.
145
00:06:09,881 --> 00:06:11,681
Rearrange the tinctures.
146
00:06:11,683 --> 00:06:13,348
Refill the night biscuits.
147
00:06:13,350 --> 00:06:15,885
Wait, stop.
148
00:06:15,887 --> 00:06:17,053
My God.
149
00:06:17,055 --> 00:06:18,888
I've never seen the house
from this angle.
150
00:06:18,890 --> 00:06:21,456
We need to begin a whole new
dusting regimen.
151
00:06:21,458 --> 00:06:24,359
Oh, there you are.
152
00:06:24,361 --> 00:06:26,094
I've been very concerned.
153
00:06:26,096 --> 00:06:27,596
Thank you, madam.
I'm feeling much better.
154
00:06:27,598 --> 00:06:29,531
(Dodo)
About dessert.
155
00:06:29,533 --> 00:06:31,300
You remember the last time
156
00:06:31,302 --> 00:06:33,235
Lillian's birthday cake
was wrong.
157
00:06:33,237 --> 00:06:35,970
Frederick Douglass died.
158
00:06:35,972 --> 00:06:37,072
Yes.
159
00:06:37,074 --> 00:06:38,873
Yes, madam.
160
00:06:38,875 --> 00:06:41,810
[hip-hop music]
161
00:06:43,378 --> 00:06:44,746
What are you doing here?
162
00:06:44,748 --> 00:06:46,014
You know I'm a married woman.
163
00:06:46,016 --> 00:06:48,216
I don't give a crap
about some ring
164
00:06:48,218 --> 00:06:49,617
that some chump bought you.
165
00:06:49,619 --> 00:06:51,686
I had an epiphany
the other day.
166
00:06:51,688 --> 00:06:53,554
It was a vision of the future.
167
00:06:53,556 --> 00:06:56,390
I was standing on
a giant mountain of money,
168
00:06:56,392 --> 00:06:58,593
and you were by my side.
169
00:06:58,595 --> 00:07:00,661
And beautiful rays
of godly light
170
00:07:00,663 --> 00:07:01,962
were shooting out
of all your holes.
171
00:07:01,964 --> 00:07:04,232
- All my holes?
- All your holes.
172
00:07:04,234 --> 00:07:07,034
I own 12 houses
in 12 countries.
173
00:07:07,036 --> 00:07:11,639
The only thing I don't own
is the woman I love.
174
00:07:11,641 --> 00:07:13,474
[gasps]
Romance powder!
175
00:07:13,476 --> 00:07:14,942
[sniffing]
176
00:07:14,944 --> 00:07:16,143
[exhales]
177
00:07:16,145 --> 00:07:17,878
Oh, Charles.
178
00:07:17,880 --> 00:07:20,080
You always knew how
to get my defenses down.
179
00:07:20,082 --> 00:07:21,514
[sniffing]
180
00:07:21,516 --> 00:07:23,717
I'm the only man
who will ever truly love you.
181
00:07:23,719 --> 00:07:27,454
And I'm definitely
the only man...
182
00:07:27,456 --> 00:07:29,456
who knows how
to do this to you.
183
00:07:29,458 --> 00:07:31,458
[gasping, moaning]
184
00:07:31,460 --> 00:07:33,426
I feel like I'm 11 again!
185
00:07:34,795 --> 00:07:35,729
No, you don't.
186
00:07:41,291 --> 00:07:44,125
(Peepers) I want those vegetables
julienned for the crudités.
187
00:07:44,127 --> 00:07:45,293
Where is that aspic?
188
00:07:45,295 --> 00:07:48,329
Is it chilled?
Is it chilled?
189
00:07:48,331 --> 00:07:51,466
[spits]
Too much salt!
190
00:07:51,468 --> 00:07:52,266
Or is it sugar?
191
00:07:52,268 --> 00:07:53,601
I can't tell anymore.
192
00:07:53,603 --> 00:07:56,437
Everything tastes
like burnt toast points.
193
00:07:56,439 --> 00:07:57,805
(Garfield)
Oh, you must stop working,
194
00:07:57,807 --> 00:07:59,340
I beg of you.
195
00:07:59,342 --> 00:08:01,242
Boy, I've been in charge
of Lillian's birthday
196
00:08:01,244 --> 00:08:04,045
since before she was born.
197
00:08:04,047 --> 00:08:05,746
Peepers...
no, you can't leave us.
198
00:08:05,748 --> 00:08:07,982
- Peepers, no, please.
- Blanche, Blanche?
199
00:08:07,984 --> 00:08:09,483
- Yes.
- Where are you, Blanche?
200
00:08:09,485 --> 00:08:10,851
- Yes, I'm here.
- Blanche, I can't see you.
201
00:08:10,853 --> 00:08:12,519
- I'm right here.
- Blanche, come closer.
202
00:08:12,521 --> 00:08:13,987
- I'm right here.
- Blanche, I asked for you
203
00:08:13,989 --> 00:08:15,221
to come closer, damn it.
I can't see you.
204
00:08:15,223 --> 00:08:16,557
- Just talk to me.
- Blanche.
205
00:08:16,559 --> 00:08:20,661
I need you to chiffon
the great turtle.
206
00:08:20,663 --> 00:08:22,896
- What?
- [gasps]
207
00:08:22,898 --> 00:08:25,031
[speaking Iroquois]
208
00:08:25,033 --> 00:08:28,068
Father, I'm coming to see you.
209
00:08:28,070 --> 00:08:29,069
[gasps]
210
00:08:29,071 --> 00:08:30,570
Peepers?
211
00:08:30,572 --> 00:08:32,372
Peepers.
212
00:08:32,374 --> 00:08:34,074
(Garfield)
Peepers!
213
00:08:34,076 --> 00:08:35,408
To hell with all this!
214
00:08:35,410 --> 00:08:37,243
Blanche, go call Dr. Goldberg!
215
00:08:37,245 --> 00:08:38,378
Yes.
216
00:08:38,380 --> 00:08:41,514
Everyone, this cake
has too much sugar!
217
00:08:41,516 --> 00:08:44,517
And fix this... pie!
Let's go!
218
00:08:44,519 --> 00:08:47,052
What are you
lollygagging around for?
219
00:08:47,054 --> 00:08:48,488
Make some balloon animals!
220
00:08:48,490 --> 00:08:50,556
It's Lillian's birthday!
221
00:08:56,864 --> 00:08:58,731
Hey, pretty lady.
222
00:08:58,733 --> 00:09:00,265
Why'd you leave the party?
223
00:09:00,267 --> 00:09:01,701
I don't talk
to my own children.
224
00:09:01,703 --> 00:09:03,068
Why would I talk to you?
225
00:09:03,070 --> 00:09:06,838
You don't like my master
very much, do you?
226
00:09:06,840 --> 00:09:09,241
I have something that can
take your mind off it.
227
00:09:09,243 --> 00:09:10,775
Delicacy from my homeland.
228
00:09:10,777 --> 00:09:12,378
Ew, I don't eat green food.
229
00:09:12,380 --> 00:09:13,945
Not food.
Drug.
230
00:09:13,947 --> 00:09:15,881
Oh, so I just chew it?
231
00:09:15,883 --> 00:09:17,249
Mm-hmm.
232
00:09:19,251 --> 00:09:21,520
You are very pretty
when you chew khat.
233
00:09:21,522 --> 00:09:23,121
Oh, thank you.
234
00:09:23,123 --> 00:09:25,123
- Have you ever heard of Reiki?
- Uh-uh.
235
00:09:25,125 --> 00:09:26,391
That's when I touch you
all over
236
00:09:26,393 --> 00:09:27,759
without touching you at all.
237
00:09:27,761 --> 00:09:30,629
- May I?
- Mm-hmm.
238
00:09:30,631 --> 00:09:33,632
[mystical sitar music]
239
00:09:33,634 --> 00:09:36,501
♪ ♪
240
00:09:36,503 --> 00:09:39,103
Oh, I'm seeing someone, sorry.
241
00:09:42,574 --> 00:09:43,574
Oh!
242
00:09:45,177 --> 00:09:46,777
- What?
- I didn't realize.
243
00:09:46,779 --> 00:09:47,912
Am I interrupting?
244
00:09:47,914 --> 00:09:50,048
No, no.
245
00:09:50,050 --> 00:09:53,083
How can--
how can I help?
246
00:09:53,085 --> 00:09:54,785
There is an emergency
downstairs.
247
00:09:54,787 --> 00:09:56,687
Okay, yes.
248
00:09:56,689 --> 00:09:58,689
Let's go downstairs.
249
00:10:03,227 --> 00:10:06,329
I don't know
how to tell you this.
250
00:10:06,331 --> 00:10:07,798
It may be time
for Peepers to go
251
00:10:07,800 --> 00:10:11,201
to that great servant's
quarters in the sky.
252
00:10:11,203 --> 00:10:12,669
He won't see sunrise.
253
00:10:12,671 --> 00:10:16,339
We can't give up,
we just can't!
254
00:10:16,341 --> 00:10:18,775
We've come to the limits
of what Western medicine can do.
255
00:10:18,777 --> 00:10:22,645
The only thing that can save him
at this point is love.
256
00:10:24,382 --> 00:10:25,314
Sit.
257
00:10:25,316 --> 00:10:27,183
That's a good boy.
258
00:10:27,185 --> 00:10:28,985
Now up, up, up, up.
259
00:10:28,987 --> 00:10:30,519
Now beg.
260
00:10:30,521 --> 00:10:31,520
Beg.
261
00:10:31,522 --> 00:10:33,222
I would really like
that morsel.
262
00:10:33,224 --> 00:10:35,625
It would temporarily
end this bout of starvation.
263
00:10:35,627 --> 00:10:38,127
Please, I beg of you.
264
00:10:38,129 --> 00:10:39,596
Good boy!
265
00:10:39,598 --> 00:10:41,297
[laughter and applause]
266
00:10:41,299 --> 00:10:43,065
Oh, you've trained him.
267
00:10:46,369 --> 00:10:50,872
Ooh, what is wrong
with this cake?
268
00:10:50,874 --> 00:10:53,275
This is triple berry cake.
269
00:10:53,277 --> 00:10:55,877
Lillian always has
quadruple berry cake
270
00:10:55,879 --> 00:10:57,613
on her birthday.
271
00:10:57,615 --> 00:10:59,280
[gagging]
272
00:10:59,282 --> 00:11:01,583
[muffled] Oh, my God, Lillian!
That's so gross!
273
00:11:01,585 --> 00:11:03,151
[gagging, hacking]
274
00:11:03,153 --> 00:11:05,420
Lillian!
[gagging]
275
00:11:05,422 --> 00:11:08,156
Oh, Lillian, this must be
a nightmare for you.
276
00:11:09,391 --> 00:11:12,127
Oh, relax, everyone, would you?
277
00:11:12,129 --> 00:11:13,729
It's just a birthday cake.
278
00:11:13,731 --> 00:11:16,531
What are we, children?
279
00:11:16,533 --> 00:11:19,534
(Dodo) I'd recognize that
breezy tune anywhere.
280
00:11:19,536 --> 00:11:23,605
Seems as though someone
just got fingered.
281
00:11:23,607 --> 00:11:24,672
[laughs]
282
00:11:29,011 --> 00:11:30,945
What is it, Garfield?
283
00:11:30,947 --> 00:11:32,680
Yes.
284
00:11:32,682 --> 00:11:35,716
I was wondering if maybe...
285
00:11:35,718 --> 00:11:39,987
we would go downstairs
and say something nice
286
00:11:39,989 --> 00:11:43,590
to Peepers.
287
00:11:43,592 --> 00:11:45,559
He needs love.
288
00:11:47,195 --> 00:11:48,862
What in the hell of all shits
289
00:11:48,864 --> 00:11:50,764
are you blathering on about?
290
00:11:50,766 --> 00:11:52,899
(Beatrice) The servants'
quarters on Lillian's birthday?
291
00:11:52,901 --> 00:11:54,168
I don't think so.
292
00:11:54,170 --> 00:11:55,469
You are this close to losing
293
00:11:55,471 --> 00:11:57,003
your ball-washing
privileges.
294
00:11:57,005 --> 00:11:58,071
I--
295
00:11:58,073 --> 00:11:59,673
- Shoo!
- Yes.
296
00:12:02,377 --> 00:12:05,011
What a great family.
297
00:12:05,013 --> 00:12:07,847
You know what?
298
00:12:07,849 --> 00:12:09,215
I wasn't gonna mention this,
299
00:12:09,217 --> 00:12:12,052
but I have a very lucrative,
300
00:12:12,054 --> 00:12:14,220
no-fail investment
opportunity
301
00:12:14,222 --> 00:12:16,355
that I think you all
might be interested in.
302
00:12:16,357 --> 00:12:19,993
[upbeat folk music]
303
00:12:19,995 --> 00:12:22,461
So... what can be done?
304
00:12:22,463 --> 00:12:23,929
You mean about the bush
or the baby?
305
00:12:23,931 --> 00:12:26,299
[laughs]
I'm just ribbing you.
306
00:12:26,301 --> 00:12:28,100
Well, it depends
what package you want--
307
00:12:28,102 --> 00:12:30,836
the silver, the platinum,
or the platinum plus.
308
00:12:30,838 --> 00:12:32,305
What's the difference?
309
00:12:32,307 --> 00:12:33,839
Ah, they're really
about the same,
310
00:12:33,841 --> 00:12:35,074
except with the platinum plus
311
00:12:35,076 --> 00:12:36,676
I knock you out
with a bag of flour
312
00:12:36,678 --> 00:12:38,043
and wake you up with a hug.
313
00:12:38,045 --> 00:12:41,379
Either way, we're going
to be using this.
314
00:12:42,982 --> 00:12:44,917
Oh, uh...
315
00:12:44,919 --> 00:12:48,120
I can't do this.
316
00:12:48,122 --> 00:12:49,621
Thank you all the same.
317
00:12:51,557 --> 00:12:54,726
The deposit's nonrefundable!
318
00:12:54,728 --> 00:12:56,661
And then those people
get six people to invest,
319
00:12:56,663 --> 00:12:58,996
on top of the other people
who got six people to invest.
320
00:12:58,998 --> 00:13:00,131
And you see,
it works on itself,
321
00:13:00,133 --> 00:13:01,499
and it's flawless.
322
00:13:01,501 --> 00:13:03,468
And I want you all in
on the ground floor.
323
00:13:03,470 --> 00:13:05,970
Well, I think
it sounds brilliant.
324
00:13:05,972 --> 00:13:07,439
Sounds perfectly reasonable
to me.
325
00:13:07,441 --> 00:13:09,441
Let's give him
the entire family fortune.
326
00:13:09,443 --> 00:13:13,778
(Beatrice)
No, it's impossible.
327
00:13:13,780 --> 00:13:15,246
If six people get
six more to invest,
328
00:13:15,248 --> 00:13:16,513
and those six get six more,
329
00:13:16,515 --> 00:13:17,882
by the 12th level
in the down line,
330
00:13:17,884 --> 00:13:19,617
in this case expressed
as 6 to the 12th power,
331
00:13:19,619 --> 00:13:21,685
it would require
more than 2 billion participants
332
00:13:21,687 --> 00:13:22,787
to sustain itself.
333
00:13:22,789 --> 00:13:24,822
It's like one
of those pointy circles.
334
00:13:24,824 --> 00:13:26,290
Like, what are those called?
335
00:13:26,292 --> 00:13:28,091
The circles with the points,
where the mummies live?
336
00:13:28,093 --> 00:13:29,226
What is that called?
337
00:13:29,228 --> 00:13:32,062
Mummies are dead, dummy!
338
00:13:32,064 --> 00:13:33,930
They don't live anywhere.
339
00:13:33,932 --> 00:13:35,999
And I won't sit here
and have my integrity
340
00:13:36,001 --> 00:13:37,401
impugned by a woman,
341
00:13:37,403 --> 00:13:39,703
especially a woman
who doesn't understand
342
00:13:39,705 --> 00:13:42,406
the nuances of a pyramid scheme!
343
00:13:42,408 --> 00:13:45,242
And I invented it,
and I'm pretty sure it works!
344
00:13:45,244 --> 00:13:46,743
Tabu and I are out of here!
345
00:13:46,745 --> 00:13:48,145
Come on!
[claps twice]
346
00:13:50,381 --> 00:13:52,182
Actually, we don't have
347
00:13:52,184 --> 00:13:53,283
anywhere to stay tonight,
348
00:13:53,285 --> 00:13:54,717
and it's a very large manor.
349
00:13:54,719 --> 00:13:57,420
(Dodo) Mr. Ponzi, you may
take the mauve room,
350
00:13:57,422 --> 00:14:00,790
and Tabu may take
the manure stack.
351
00:14:02,794 --> 00:14:04,427
Oh, it's so obvious
what you're doing!
352
00:14:04,429 --> 00:14:06,396
You just can't stand
to see me less unhappy.
353
00:14:06,398 --> 00:14:07,630
He's a liar, Lillian,
354
00:14:07,632 --> 00:14:09,031
and you're an idiot
for believing him.
355
00:14:09,033 --> 00:14:10,232
Oh, I'm an idiot?
356
00:14:10,234 --> 00:14:11,401
You argue with your reflection.
357
00:14:11,403 --> 00:14:12,635
She's mean sometimes!
358
00:14:12,637 --> 00:14:14,203
Well, your eyes are
so spaced apart,
359
00:14:14,205 --> 00:14:15,672
you look like a hippo
in a dress.
360
00:14:15,674 --> 00:14:17,439
You're only pretty
in Massachusetts!
361
00:14:17,441 --> 00:14:19,141
[gasps]
362
00:14:19,143 --> 00:14:24,213
That's the worst thing
you could ever say to a woman.
363
00:14:24,215 --> 00:14:25,647
And I'm rising above it.
364
00:14:29,820 --> 00:14:32,821
[ominous music]
365
00:14:32,823 --> 00:14:39,027
♪ ♪
366
00:14:47,002 --> 00:14:49,103
Thank goodness
that's over with.
367
00:14:49,105 --> 00:14:52,106
You have terrible taste in men.
368
00:14:52,408 --> 00:14:55,409
[jaunty ragtime music plays]
369
00:14:55,411 --> 00:14:56,910
♪ my instincts, they kick in ♪
370
00:14:56,912 --> 00:14:59,713
♪ my grand facade,
soon wilting ♪
371
00:14:59,715 --> 00:15:02,016
♪ without my pride, I begin ♪
372
00:15:02,018 --> 00:15:04,685
♪ to reach out to ya
from within me ♪
373
00:15:04,687 --> 00:15:06,253
♪ baby, in your eyes ♪
374
00:15:06,255 --> 00:15:09,023
♪ I see the moon in your eyes ♪
375
00:15:09,025 --> 00:15:12,492
♪ darling, in your eyes
I want to swoon ♪
376
00:15:12,494 --> 00:15:14,361
♪ in your eyes ♪
377
00:15:14,363 --> 00:15:17,197
Oh, you've got to be joshing!
378
00:15:17,199 --> 00:15:19,166
♪ that nobody else can beat ♪
379
00:15:19,168 --> 00:15:22,302
[music slows to stop]
380
00:15:24,972 --> 00:15:27,641
[music continues]
♪ in your eyes, in your eyes ♪
381
00:15:35,670 --> 00:15:38,237
Ah!
382
00:15:38,239 --> 00:15:39,473
Our song!
383
00:15:39,475 --> 00:15:40,974
You remembered.
384
00:15:40,976 --> 00:15:42,876
Run away with me, right now.
385
00:15:42,878 --> 00:15:44,377
I'll make you a princess.
386
00:15:44,379 --> 00:15:46,913
I'll have Tabu sacrificing
yaks in your name.
387
00:15:46,915 --> 00:15:48,314
What about my loveless marriage
388
00:15:48,316 --> 00:15:49,816
and eight non-sons?
389
00:15:49,818 --> 00:15:51,584
They call them daughters
now, Wiener.
390
00:15:51,586 --> 00:15:52,852
It's a whole new world.
391
00:15:52,854 --> 00:15:54,387
We've got to leave
all that behind.
392
00:15:54,389 --> 00:15:55,421
But how can I trust you?
393
00:15:55,423 --> 00:15:56,990
I can't get hurt again.
394
00:15:56,992 --> 00:15:58,757
It takes two people
to leave someone.
395
00:15:58,759 --> 00:16:00,793
You're right.
I'm sorry you left me.
396
00:16:00,795 --> 00:16:02,395
I might be able
to forgive you one day,
397
00:16:02,397 --> 00:16:05,931
if you pledge
your love, vagina,
398
00:16:05,933 --> 00:16:07,833
oh, and one more thing,
399
00:16:07,835 --> 00:16:10,268
a firm guarantee that
your family will invest.
400
00:16:10,270 --> 00:16:12,538
To the love, yes,
and to the vagina, yes.
401
00:16:12,540 --> 00:16:13,906
But to the investing,
402
00:16:13,908 --> 00:16:16,074
you might have
to speak with Papa.
403
00:16:16,076 --> 00:16:20,646
I don't want to make Papa
a princess.
404
00:16:20,648 --> 00:16:22,180
I can't do this.
405
00:16:22,182 --> 00:16:25,217
It was a mistake to come here
in the first place.
406
00:16:25,219 --> 00:16:26,851
Good-bye, Lillian.
407
00:16:26,853 --> 00:16:28,920
Well, there's always
Daddy's war bonds.
408
00:16:31,857 --> 00:16:33,025
He keeps them upstairs
409
00:16:33,027 --> 00:16:34,993
in his bottom
right-hand desk drawer.
410
00:16:34,995 --> 00:16:37,829
But it's not much,
only a million dollars.
411
00:16:37,831 --> 00:16:39,331
That's my Wiener.
412
00:16:39,333 --> 00:16:41,298
My beautiful, beautiful Wiener!
413
00:16:41,300 --> 00:16:44,602
Goddamn, I love
my gorgeous Wiener!
414
00:16:44,604 --> 00:16:45,870
I'll grab Tabu and the bonds.
415
00:16:45,872 --> 00:16:47,071
You go get your things.
416
00:16:47,073 --> 00:16:49,140
Meet me back here
in 20 minutes.
417
00:16:49,142 --> 00:16:51,142
Let's make it 30, to be safe.
418
00:16:52,845 --> 00:16:54,746
(Garfield, high-pitched)
Hello, Peepers.
419
00:16:54,748 --> 00:16:56,180
It's Dodo...
420
00:16:56,182 --> 00:17:00,217
and the whole Bellacourt family.
421
00:17:00,219 --> 00:17:05,622
Peepers, you are the best
butler we ever had.
422
00:17:05,624 --> 00:17:07,591
(Garfield)
We love you.
423
00:17:07,593 --> 00:17:12,096
I love you.
424
00:17:12,098 --> 00:17:13,263
[smooches]
425
00:17:16,668 --> 00:17:18,569
[gasps]
426
00:17:18,571 --> 00:17:21,171
Oh, Peepers.
427
00:17:21,173 --> 00:17:22,539
You're home.
428
00:17:22,541 --> 00:17:23,640
(Peepers)
Dodo...
429
00:17:23,642 --> 00:17:26,577
Oh... oh...
430
00:17:26,579 --> 00:17:29,412
Oh, my special boy is awake.
431
00:17:29,414 --> 00:17:34,217
Dodo, Dodo...
432
00:17:34,219 --> 00:17:35,985
Dodo...
433
00:17:39,223 --> 00:17:40,990
Dodo...
434
00:17:42,059 --> 00:17:43,893
- Dodo.
- Blanche?
435
00:17:43,895 --> 00:17:45,695
(Garfield)
Blanche!
436
00:17:50,300 --> 00:17:51,233
[knock at door]
437
00:17:54,071 --> 00:17:56,371
Garfield, set the lubrication
by the furnace.
438
00:17:56,373 --> 00:17:57,873
No, it's me, Lillian.
439
00:17:57,875 --> 00:17:59,842
What do you want?
I'm busy.
440
00:17:59,844 --> 00:18:01,110
Well, I wanted to say
I'm not sorry,
441
00:18:01,112 --> 00:18:02,811
and I'm running away
with Ponzi.
442
00:18:02,813 --> 00:18:04,279
No, Lillian, don't do it.
443
00:18:04,281 --> 00:18:05,714
I know he's handsome,
and he's thoughtful,
444
00:18:05,716 --> 00:18:07,616
and he could surely
make you happier
445
00:18:07,618 --> 00:18:10,586
than you are here, but...
446
00:18:10,588 --> 00:18:12,121
I can't think of a "but."
447
00:18:12,123 --> 00:18:13,054
You should go.
448
00:18:13,056 --> 00:18:14,823
Great.
I'm happy for you.
449
00:18:14,825 --> 00:18:16,858
- Go!
- I will!
450
00:18:19,762 --> 00:18:22,764
[whimsical music]
451
00:18:22,766 --> 00:18:28,103
♪
452
00:18:37,812 --> 00:18:38,946
He's not coming back.
453
00:18:38,948 --> 00:18:40,281
Oh, he's coming back.
454
00:18:40,283 --> 00:18:42,216
- No, he's not.
- Yes, he is.
455
00:18:42,218 --> 00:18:44,452
(Tabu)
No, he's not.
456
00:18:44,454 --> 00:18:46,187
He's not coming back.
457
00:18:49,858 --> 00:18:51,959
(Tabu) You are probably
asking yourself,
458
00:18:51,961 --> 00:18:53,593
why did I do this?
459
00:18:53,595 --> 00:18:55,996
You see, Ponzi was my tormentor.
460
00:18:55,998 --> 00:18:58,231
But then I saw
what a good human was
461
00:18:58,233 --> 00:19:00,433
when I looked into
your giant, vacant eyes,
462
00:19:00,435 --> 00:19:04,672
when I felt the magnetic field
around your perfect breast.
463
00:19:04,674 --> 00:19:06,606
I am ready to give
my life to you.
464
00:19:06,608 --> 00:19:07,941
Whatever you may need,
465
00:19:07,943 --> 00:19:09,876
whether it be
a cold glass of limeade
466
00:19:09,878 --> 00:19:11,744
or the taking of a man's life,
467
00:19:11,746 --> 00:19:13,380
I am yours,
468
00:19:13,382 --> 00:19:14,981
forever.
469
00:19:14,983 --> 00:19:16,883
And you too, Wiener.
470
00:19:21,289 --> 00:19:22,289
No, thank you.
471
00:19:22,291 --> 00:19:23,990
Thank you, though.
472
00:19:30,263 --> 00:19:31,430
[door shuts]
473
00:19:31,432 --> 00:19:34,433
[gentle music]
474
00:19:34,435 --> 00:19:42,374
♪
475
00:19:49,616 --> 00:19:51,684
[machine whirring]
476
00:19:51,686 --> 00:19:54,687
[ominous music]
477
00:19:54,689 --> 00:19:56,822
♪ ♪
478
00:20:03,914 --> 00:20:05,381
Lady Dodo,
479
00:20:05,383 --> 00:20:08,183
I wanted to take
this opportunity
480
00:20:08,185 --> 00:20:09,852
to thank you.
481
00:20:09,854 --> 00:20:11,153
For what?
482
00:20:11,155 --> 00:20:12,821
Oh, you know...
483
00:20:12,823 --> 00:20:13,956
for helping me.
484
00:20:13,958 --> 00:20:15,657
I haven't got the faintest idea
485
00:20:15,659 --> 00:20:16,991
what you're talking about.
486
00:20:16,993 --> 00:20:18,126
Ha, yes, of course.
487
00:20:18,128 --> 00:20:19,894
Must keep up appearances.
488
00:20:19,896 --> 00:20:22,364
Is this some form of palsy?
489
00:20:22,366 --> 00:20:24,466
[chuckles]
490
00:20:24,468 --> 00:20:27,935
You're two seconds
from being fired.
491
00:20:27,937 --> 00:20:29,304
Of course, Lady Dodo.
492
00:20:29,306 --> 00:20:30,305
Garfield!
493
00:20:30,307 --> 00:20:31,706
Are you on a vacation?
494
00:20:31,708 --> 00:20:33,507
Are we under a coconut fire?
495
00:20:33,509 --> 00:20:34,809
No, no,
I was just--
496
00:20:34,811 --> 00:20:37,478
You're just a vile,
useless walking fern.
497
00:20:37,480 --> 00:20:38,846
Now, get to work
498
00:20:38,848 --> 00:20:40,581
before I return you
to the orphanage
499
00:20:40,583 --> 00:20:43,317
I selected you from
20 years ago.
500
00:20:43,319 --> 00:20:44,786
Yes.
501
00:20:47,923 --> 00:20:50,924
[gentle music]
502
00:20:50,926 --> 00:20:56,830
♪
503
00:20:56,832 --> 00:20:58,165
[machine whirring, gurgling]
504
00:20:58,167 --> 00:20:59,166
[screams]
505
00:20:59,168 --> 00:21:02,102
[machine gurgling]33515
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