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1
00:00:02,202 --> 00:00:05,437
[pleasant string music]
2
00:00:05,439 --> 00:00:11,043
♪ ♪
3
00:00:11,045 --> 00:00:12,244
[groaning]
4
00:00:12,785 --> 00:00:14,752
Welcome home.
5
00:00:14,754 --> 00:00:16,587
[laughing]
6
00:00:16,589 --> 00:00:17,187
Oh.
7
00:00:17,189 --> 00:00:19,823
Oh, my dumb
little dumplings.
8
00:00:19,825 --> 00:00:21,759
I'm missed your faces.
9
00:00:21,761 --> 00:00:22,893
Oh, father...
10
00:00:22,895 --> 00:00:24,828
We've missed your gifts.
11
00:00:24,830 --> 00:00:25,729
And who is this?
12
00:00:25,731 --> 00:00:26,764
(commodore)
oh, dodo,
13
00:00:26,766 --> 00:00:28,065
Showing your provincial roots
again?
14
00:00:28,067 --> 00:00:30,901
You don't recognize celebrated
chef chauncey allister?
15
00:00:30,903 --> 00:00:35,105
(chauncey)
you told me your daughters
were beautiful,
16
00:00:35,107 --> 00:00:39,710
But you mentioned
the word "perfection."
17
00:00:40,979 --> 00:00:45,015
I've never seen
a creature so...
18
00:00:45,017 --> 00:00:47,217
Robustly formed.
19
00:00:47,852 --> 00:00:50,754
(commodore)
I have a big surprise for you.
20
00:00:50,756 --> 00:00:53,157
Last week,
senator ambrose burnside
21
00:00:53,159 --> 00:00:55,259
Died in a freak mustache fire.
22
00:00:55,261 --> 00:00:56,860
Yay, thank you, daddy!
23
00:00:56,862 --> 00:00:58,028
That's not
the surprise.
24
00:00:58,030 --> 00:01:01,065
(commodore)
a u.S. Senate seat
has become available.
25
00:01:01,067 --> 00:01:02,232
And frederick,
26
00:01:02,234 --> 00:01:03,968
You shall fill it.
27
00:01:03,970 --> 00:01:06,370
How is frederick qualified
to be a senator?
28
00:01:06,372 --> 00:01:08,105
He believes rocks
are alive.
29
00:01:08,107 --> 00:01:09,640
(frederick)
that is ridiculous.
30
00:01:09,642 --> 00:01:11,842
Some of the older rocks
have passed away.
31
00:01:11,844 --> 00:01:13,844
(commodore)
how does it feel, son?
32
00:01:13,846 --> 00:01:16,213
You are to be appointed
the next u.S. Senator
33
00:01:16,215 --> 00:01:18,048
From the state of rhode island.
34
00:01:18,050 --> 00:01:19,016
I am deeply honored
35
00:01:19,018 --> 00:01:21,318
And very excited
for this opportunity.
36
00:01:21,320 --> 00:01:23,921
I only have one question.
37
00:01:23,923 --> 00:01:26,290
What is senate?
38
00:01:29,160 --> 00:01:32,262
[hip-hop music]
39
00:01:32,264 --> 00:01:40,738
♪ ♪
40
00:01:45,644 --> 00:01:47,077
Is being a senator
a job?
41
00:01:47,079 --> 00:01:49,146
Mm, it's more
like a drinking club
42
00:01:49,148 --> 00:01:49,980
That decides the laws.
43
00:01:49,982 --> 00:01:53,117
Does that mean we
can make the laws?
44
00:01:54,052 --> 00:01:55,653
That's exactly what it means.
45
00:01:55,655 --> 00:01:58,956
We're gonna be able to pass
any law we want.
46
00:01:58,958 --> 00:01:59,923
Oof!
47
00:01:59,925 --> 00:02:01,692
Milady, could you not
48
00:02:01,694 --> 00:02:02,926
Aim for my face next time?
49
00:02:02,928 --> 00:02:05,295
(lillian)
you can't talk to us
like that, blanche.
50
00:02:05,297 --> 00:02:06,930
I'll have your head
cut off.
51
00:02:06,932 --> 00:02:09,767
Can you imagine blanche
without a head?
52
00:02:09,769 --> 00:02:10,801
[laughter]
53
00:02:10,803 --> 00:02:12,770
You know beheadings
aren't legal anymore.
54
00:02:12,772 --> 00:02:14,038
(lillian)
tell that to the head dump
55
00:02:14,040 --> 00:02:15,406
Father had built on
the south end of the estate.
56
00:02:15,408 --> 00:02:17,441
(hortense)
all right, sisters,
clear the space.
57
00:02:17,443 --> 00:02:20,177
I have this room reserved
for my meeting today.
58
00:02:20,179 --> 00:02:20,811
Oh!
59
00:02:20,813 --> 00:02:22,179
You can't have a meeting
during cream time.
60
00:02:22,181 --> 00:02:23,981
There's no such thing
as cream time!
61
00:02:23,983 --> 00:02:25,349
Yes, there is,
it's in the bible.
62
00:02:25,351 --> 00:02:28,786
(hortense)
you're throwing cream puffs
at my sign?
63
00:02:28,788 --> 00:02:29,820
Oh, no we suck the cream out.
64
00:02:29,822 --> 00:02:32,122
We're just
throwing the casings.
65
00:02:32,124 --> 00:02:33,757
[blanche yelps]
66
00:02:33,759 --> 00:02:34,525
You are such pigs!
67
00:02:34,527 --> 00:02:37,227
(hortense)
you know, now that frederick
and I are politically active,
68
00:02:37,229 --> 00:02:41,231
It makes your decadent laziness
all the more obscene.
69
00:02:41,233 --> 00:02:43,233
We are not lazy.
70
00:02:43,235 --> 00:02:46,470
Let's move cream time
elsewhere.
71
00:02:53,411 --> 00:02:55,779
Bye, hortense.
72
00:02:57,215 --> 00:02:58,782
Those jack-a-ninnies
in washington
73
00:02:58,784 --> 00:03:01,819
Insist that frederick
be psychologically vetted
74
00:03:01,821 --> 00:03:02,986
Before he become a senator,
75
00:03:02,988 --> 00:03:08,792
So they sent dr. Sigmund freud
to examine my boy.
76
00:03:08,794 --> 00:03:10,427
Name?
77
00:03:10,429 --> 00:03:11,995
Frederick.
78
00:03:11,997 --> 00:03:13,297
Age?
79
00:03:13,299 --> 00:03:16,333
[breathes deeply]
80
00:03:16,335 --> 00:03:18,902
These questions
are getting really hard.
81
00:03:18,904 --> 00:03:23,373
Do you understand
what a question is?
82
00:03:23,375 --> 00:03:24,942
Well...
83
00:03:24,944 --> 00:03:28,011
Now who's asking
the questions?
84
00:03:28,013 --> 00:03:29,847
[chuckles]
85
00:03:29,849 --> 00:03:31,882
Still me.
86
00:03:33,418 --> 00:03:35,519
(commodore)
you wanted to see me?
87
00:03:35,521 --> 00:03:36,487
This better be important.
88
00:03:36,489 --> 00:03:38,822
I've called you in here
to remind you
89
00:03:38,824 --> 00:03:41,024
That, according to
our marital contract,
90
00:03:41,026 --> 00:03:43,460
I am to fellate you
seven times a year.
91
00:03:43,462 --> 00:03:46,497
I told you, the saltpeter
mines of the congo
92
00:03:46,499 --> 00:03:48,298
Destroyed my sex drive.
93
00:03:48,300 --> 00:03:49,833
I'm so sorry.
94
00:03:49,835 --> 00:03:51,502
- Come here.
- I want you so badly.
95
00:03:51,504 --> 00:03:54,138
Just wanted to feel
close to my husband.
96
00:03:54,140 --> 00:03:56,774
Yes, I feel the same.
97
00:03:58,276 --> 00:03:58,876
Peepers.
98
00:03:58,878 --> 00:04:01,845
I already filled
the syringe, madam.
99
00:04:01,847 --> 00:04:03,547
[sighs]
100
00:04:04,215 --> 00:04:05,449
[moans]
101
00:04:05,451 --> 00:04:07,518
Peepers...
[crying]
102
00:04:07,520 --> 00:04:12,990
I fear that commodore
is having an affair.
103
00:04:17,128 --> 00:04:20,464
Put the tray over there.
104
00:04:22,500 --> 00:04:23,467
If you want your food,
105
00:04:23,469 --> 00:04:26,370
You're going to have
to come and get it.
106
00:04:26,372 --> 00:04:27,271
No!
107
00:04:27,273 --> 00:04:28,906
Hands and knees.
108
00:04:28,908 --> 00:04:30,541
You're going to crawl.
109
00:04:30,543 --> 00:04:35,512
He called out the name "celine"
in his sleep.
110
00:04:35,514 --> 00:04:37,514
Sounds french-canadian.
111
00:04:37,516 --> 00:04:39,349
No!
112
00:04:39,351 --> 00:04:39,950
Ugh.
113
00:04:39,952 --> 00:04:42,886
I move in here
based on the promise
114
00:04:42,888 --> 00:04:44,988
From some pathetic old fool
115
00:04:44,990 --> 00:04:48,258
That it would be
a nice place to keep me close.
116
00:04:48,260 --> 00:04:49,560
Then the bastard disappears.
117
00:04:49,562 --> 00:04:53,397
The thought of him
engaging in sexual congress
118
00:04:53,399 --> 00:04:56,200
With a snow-negro...
119
00:04:56,202 --> 00:04:57,301
Oh, no.
120
00:04:57,303 --> 00:04:58,435
I'm sorry, darling.
121
00:04:58,437 --> 00:05:03,874
Why don't you show me
just how sorry you are?
122
00:05:05,443 --> 00:05:06,844
Oh...
123
00:05:06,846 --> 00:05:09,046
Yes, my mistress.
124
00:05:09,048 --> 00:05:11,615
[exhales]
125
00:05:14,152 --> 00:05:15,118
You look like you climbed
126
00:05:15,120 --> 00:05:17,087
Out of a pile
of dirty underwear.
127
00:05:17,089 --> 00:05:18,222
Leave me alone, troll.
128
00:05:18,224 --> 00:05:20,023
Don't you have a bridge
to guard?
129
00:05:20,025 --> 00:05:22,359
I quit that job.
Too much billy goat shit.
130
00:05:22,361 --> 00:05:23,560
So that's
your scheme, huh?
131
00:05:23,562 --> 00:05:27,564
Feeding your fish
to the commodore?
132
00:05:28,233 --> 00:05:31,201
It's pretty obvious.
133
00:05:31,203 --> 00:05:31,935
Ugh!
134
00:05:31,937 --> 00:05:34,071
Ah, what are you--
135
00:05:34,339 --> 00:05:37,908
You always did know
how to make me horny.
136
00:05:37,910 --> 00:05:41,078
You say a word,
and you are dead man.
137
00:05:41,080 --> 00:05:43,480
Death don't scare me.
138
00:05:45,216 --> 00:05:48,986
I've saved up 50 cents.
139
00:05:48,988 --> 00:05:52,522
That'll do.
140
00:05:52,524 --> 00:05:54,925
For now.
141
00:05:55,226 --> 00:05:59,630
I'm gonna blackmail
the shit out of her.
142
00:05:59,632 --> 00:06:03,367
[rhythmic creaking]
143
00:06:06,337 --> 00:06:07,971
Well, suffragettes,
144
00:06:07,973 --> 00:06:09,306
My pitch for
our new slogan.
145
00:06:09,308 --> 00:06:11,174
It's straight
to the point.
146
00:06:11,176 --> 00:06:12,643
Feels a little
"on the nose."
147
00:06:12,645 --> 00:06:14,278
I've been working
on something
148
00:06:14,280 --> 00:06:15,646
I'm quite happy with.
149
00:06:15,648 --> 00:06:17,915
We're strong, we're sober,
150
00:06:17,917 --> 00:06:20,384
We're virgins.
151
00:06:20,386 --> 00:06:23,353
Uh, we're not virgins,
hortense.
152
00:06:23,355 --> 00:06:24,354
You're not?
153
00:06:24,356 --> 00:06:27,658
No, we have sex
all the time.
154
00:06:27,660 --> 00:06:30,193
(deb)
look, all I want
is for us to vote
155
00:06:30,195 --> 00:06:33,630
And to get reamed
from time to time.
156
00:06:33,632 --> 00:06:37,100
Next law: Mandatory
bow ties on all dogs.
157
00:06:37,102 --> 00:06:37,668
Of course.
158
00:06:37,670 --> 00:06:39,169
Ooh, and can we put cream time
in the bible?
159
00:06:39,171 --> 00:06:40,337
- Mm-hmm.
- And chowder bath.
160
00:06:40,339 --> 00:06:42,406
It's my second favorite bath
we take on tuesdays.
161
00:06:42,408 --> 00:06:44,274
(frederick)
these are all wonderful ideas.
162
00:06:44,276 --> 00:06:46,677
(beatrice)
hmm, what else?
163
00:06:46,679 --> 00:06:47,644
What is going on in here?
164
00:06:47,646 --> 00:06:51,248
Ooh, I know, I want you
to make a law against hortense.
165
00:06:51,250 --> 00:06:51,748
Done.
166
00:06:51,750 --> 00:06:52,749
Laws don't work like that,
167
00:06:52,751 --> 00:06:54,451
And you should know that
if you're going to be a senator.
168
00:06:54,453 --> 00:06:56,954
Do you even know the three
branches of government?
169
00:06:56,956 --> 00:06:57,788
(frederick)
sure I do.
170
00:06:57,790 --> 00:07:00,057
The nina, the pinta,
and the santa clausaria.
171
00:07:00,059 --> 00:07:00,824
See?
He knows.
172
00:07:00,826 --> 00:07:02,626
(lillian)
well, someone better
tell the press
173
00:07:02,628 --> 00:07:04,161
To dust off their adjectives
for "beautiful,"
174
00:07:04,163 --> 00:07:05,629
Because beatrice and I
are going to be
175
00:07:05,631 --> 00:07:06,997
The face of this
political dynasty.
176
00:07:06,999 --> 00:07:08,699
(hortense)
I'm sure it will lake
your asses to know
177
00:07:08,701 --> 00:07:11,101
That the press will be attending
my rally this afternoon.
178
00:07:11,103 --> 00:07:12,369
(lillian)
oh, are they doing a story
179
00:07:12,371 --> 00:07:15,672
On using the color brown
to accentuate face moles?
180
00:07:15,674 --> 00:07:16,974
[laughter]
181
00:07:16,976 --> 00:07:19,309
They're covering me
because I have a cause,
182
00:07:19,311 --> 00:07:21,144
Something I care deeply about.
183
00:07:21,146 --> 00:07:22,412
You should really
try it sometime.
184
00:07:22,414 --> 00:07:23,747
I don't care about anything.
185
00:07:23,749 --> 00:07:26,116
As don't I.
186
00:07:26,118 --> 00:07:28,685
[lillian and beatrice scream]
187
00:07:28,687 --> 00:07:30,420
I just realized my cause.
188
00:07:30,422 --> 00:07:31,355
(beatrice)
what is it?
189
00:07:31,357 --> 00:07:34,658
Ruining hortense's cause.
190
00:07:38,196 --> 00:07:39,629
♪ regatta, baby ♪
191
00:07:39,631 --> 00:07:40,497
Well, dr. Freud,
192
00:07:40,499 --> 00:07:43,200
Do you have the results
of frederick's exam?
193
00:07:43,202 --> 00:07:47,804
I do, and based
on my observations,
194
00:07:47,806 --> 00:07:49,139
Frederick suffers
195
00:07:49,141 --> 00:07:53,310
From latent and acute
homosexuality.
196
00:07:53,312 --> 00:07:55,278
[coughing]
197
00:07:55,280 --> 00:07:57,614
[wheezing furiously]
198
00:07:57,616 --> 00:08:01,318
That is disgusting!
199
00:08:01,320 --> 00:08:04,521
A homosexual in our family?!
200
00:08:04,523 --> 00:08:06,623
Using our toilets?
201
00:08:06,625 --> 00:08:10,227
The idea roils my stomach!
202
00:08:10,229 --> 00:08:12,496
[spits]
203
00:08:12,498 --> 00:08:13,663
Ugh!
204
00:08:13,665 --> 00:08:16,833
[tray clattering]
205
00:08:17,268 --> 00:08:21,538
Well, that is a perfectly
normal reaction.
206
00:08:21,540 --> 00:08:26,810
After all, homosexuality
is an abomination.
207
00:08:26,812 --> 00:08:27,711
Am I going to die?
208
00:08:27,713 --> 00:08:31,214
Homosexuality
is quite curable.
209
00:08:31,216 --> 00:08:31,815
[sighs]
210
00:08:31,817 --> 00:08:34,651
There are lots
of approaches.
211
00:08:34,653 --> 00:08:37,521
There is soaking
in the blood
212
00:08:37,523 --> 00:08:39,456
Of a dying clydesdale.
213
00:08:39,458 --> 00:08:42,726
There is eating
a live wolverine,
214
00:08:42,728 --> 00:08:43,760
Slathering one's genitals
215
00:08:43,762 --> 00:08:47,697
In a paste of milk
and ground elephant tusk,
216
00:08:47,699 --> 00:08:49,132
Leeches on the anus,
217
00:08:49,134 --> 00:08:51,635
An electrical current
to the anus.
218
00:08:51,637 --> 00:08:53,170
Also training
in the masculine arts.
219
00:08:53,172 --> 00:08:56,506
(commodore)
he'll be sworn in as senator
on Friday.
220
00:08:56,508 --> 00:09:00,544
You give us until then
to file the report.
221
00:09:00,546 --> 00:09:02,813
We'll beat this.
222
00:09:10,221 --> 00:09:14,458
To be queer
or not to be queer,
223
00:09:14,460 --> 00:09:16,159
That is the queer-stion.
224
00:09:16,161 --> 00:09:16,960
[lightning crashes]
225
00:09:16,962 --> 00:09:21,832
Whether to live my life
as a homo-szechwan
226
00:09:21,834 --> 00:09:24,534
Or the fight the good fight
and cure myself
227
00:09:24,536 --> 00:09:29,172
Of this terrible
and somewhat tempting disease.
228
00:09:29,174 --> 00:09:30,273
[thunder crashes]
229
00:09:30,275 --> 00:09:32,843
[bell tolls]
230
00:09:35,746 --> 00:09:36,513
Excuse me, chef?
231
00:09:36,515 --> 00:09:38,348
I was wondering if you could
make some more hors d'oeuvres.
232
00:09:38,350 --> 00:09:41,618
My sisters sucked the fillings
out of all of the canapes.
233
00:09:41,620 --> 00:09:44,955
Mm, serving you would be
a most delicious pleasure.
234
00:09:44,957 --> 00:09:47,190
Oh, uh,
well, we should hurry.
235
00:09:47,192 --> 00:09:48,792
I don't want
to miss the meeting.
236
00:09:48,794 --> 00:09:51,862
I'm a man who likes
to take his time.
237
00:09:51,864 --> 00:09:55,398
I like to eat a dish
when it's...
238
00:09:55,400 --> 00:09:57,701
Ready to be eaten.
239
00:09:58,469 --> 00:09:59,970
Oh...
240
00:10:01,472 --> 00:10:03,306
Can you wait?
241
00:10:04,675 --> 00:10:06,910
Ye--[wheezing]
[whispers] yes.
242
00:10:06,912 --> 00:10:08,311
[gulps]
yes.
243
00:10:08,313 --> 00:10:09,913
♪ billionaire, billionaire ♪
244
00:10:09,915 --> 00:10:12,682
♪ bitch, kiss the ring ♪
245
00:10:17,555 --> 00:10:19,389
[knocking]
246
00:10:20,258 --> 00:10:21,525
What, what is it?
What do you want?
247
00:10:21,527 --> 00:10:25,762
Father said you could instruct
me in the art of manhood.
248
00:10:25,764 --> 00:10:27,697
Ah, that I can.
249
00:10:27,699 --> 00:10:30,500
I help homosexuals
stop making the choice
250
00:10:30,502 --> 00:10:31,902
To be homosexuals.
251
00:10:31,904 --> 00:10:32,669
It's a hobby.
252
00:10:32,671 --> 00:10:36,973
Now, the most important thing
about being a man
253
00:10:36,975 --> 00:10:38,642
Is learning to entice--
254
00:10:38,644 --> 00:10:41,278
Nay, entrap the ladies.
255
00:10:41,280 --> 00:10:44,848
And I've got the perfect system
to do this.
256
00:10:44,850 --> 00:10:48,418
Hand me that pig's blood.
257
00:10:52,590 --> 00:10:53,490
[applause]
258
00:10:53,492 --> 00:10:55,358
(eunice)
thank you, thank you.
259
00:10:55,360 --> 00:10:56,326
And we will not rest
260
00:10:56,328 --> 00:10:58,361
Until every woman
everywhere
261
00:10:58,363 --> 00:11:00,263
Has the right to vote!
262
00:11:00,265 --> 00:11:01,264
[applause]
263
00:11:01,266 --> 00:11:02,265
Kill yourself!
264
00:11:02,267 --> 00:11:03,500
(eunice)
what is happening?
265
00:11:03,502 --> 00:11:04,501
Move over, bowery boys.
266
00:11:04,503 --> 00:11:06,836
What is happening is,
you're trying to ruin
267
00:11:06,838 --> 00:11:09,539
A permanent vacation
for half the species.
268
00:11:09,541 --> 00:11:11,808
Yeah, and no one ruins
vacations except for me
269
00:11:11,810 --> 00:11:14,044
When I've had too much
or too little sugar!
270
00:11:14,046 --> 00:11:16,513
If women are allowed to vote,
it could lead to a world
271
00:11:16,515 --> 00:11:19,349
Where women become doctors
or lawyers
272
00:11:19,351 --> 00:11:21,017
Or, god forbid,
tennis players.
273
00:11:21,019 --> 00:11:21,918
Yeah, that's bad!
274
00:11:21,920 --> 00:11:23,620
You don't know
what you're talking about.
275
00:11:23,622 --> 00:11:25,021
Women should make
their own decisions.
276
00:11:25,023 --> 00:11:27,524
You can't just let men
buy you things.
277
00:11:27,526 --> 00:11:28,959
Well, obviously,
you have no idea
278
00:11:28,961 --> 00:11:30,493
What it's like to be pretty.
279
00:11:30,495 --> 00:11:32,662
Hit it, beatrice.
280
00:11:32,664 --> 00:11:33,964
[playing yankee doodle]
281
00:11:33,966 --> 00:11:34,764
I have a dream,
282
00:11:34,766 --> 00:11:36,766
A dream where women
will never be allowed
283
00:11:36,768 --> 00:11:39,736
To vote, own property,
or handle money.
284
00:11:39,738 --> 00:11:40,503
I have a dream
285
00:11:40,505 --> 00:11:43,673
That women will stay
as they currently are.
286
00:11:43,675 --> 00:11:45,008
We are in the golden age
287
00:11:45,010 --> 00:11:47,477
Of women not having
to do anything.
288
00:11:47,479 --> 00:11:49,012
Let's keep it that way.
289
00:11:49,014 --> 00:11:51,881
Yeah, women shouldn't
have voices!
290
00:11:51,883 --> 00:11:55,986
Raise your hand
if you don't want to vote.
291
00:11:56,654 --> 00:11:58,588
(both)
no votes for women!
292
00:11:58,590 --> 00:11:59,823
No votes for women!
293
00:11:59,825 --> 00:12:01,791
No,
votes for women!
294
00:12:01,793 --> 00:12:03,627
(both)
no votes for women!
295
00:12:03,629 --> 00:12:04,728
(all)
no, votes for women!
296
00:12:04,730 --> 00:12:06,963
Oh, we're all saying
the same thing.
297
00:12:06,965 --> 00:12:07,897
No votes for women.
298
00:12:07,899 --> 00:12:08,798
No, I have a period
299
00:12:08,800 --> 00:12:10,433
Between "no"
and "votes for women."
300
00:12:10,435 --> 00:12:12,569
Ew, that's disgusting.
301
00:12:12,571 --> 00:12:13,603
And "h."
302
00:12:13,605 --> 00:12:17,641
If all else fails,
hit them.
303
00:12:17,643 --> 00:12:19,843
H-a-m-I-s-h.
304
00:12:19,845 --> 00:12:21,544
Hamish.
Patent pending.
305
00:12:21,546 --> 00:12:22,979
And you say this works
every time?
306
00:12:22,981 --> 00:12:24,547
(hamish)
I haven't struck out yet.
307
00:12:24,549 --> 00:12:27,450
I've been working a slow burn
on blanche
308
00:12:27,452 --> 00:12:28,251
For the last six years.
309
00:12:28,253 --> 00:12:31,655
Soon she will be like elk liver
in my hands.
310
00:12:31,657 --> 00:12:33,757
(hamish)
so, ready to try one out?
311
00:12:33,759 --> 00:12:35,425
Frederick, stand up.
312
00:12:35,427 --> 00:12:37,927
Garfield,
pretend to be a woman.
313
00:12:37,929 --> 00:12:38,662
No, use me.
314
00:12:38,664 --> 00:12:40,864
I'm twice the woman she is.
315
00:12:40,866 --> 00:12:41,865
Fine.
316
00:12:41,867 --> 00:12:43,667
[giggles]
317
00:12:47,071 --> 00:12:48,505
That a boy.
318
00:12:48,507 --> 00:12:49,406
Way to bring the heat.
319
00:12:49,408 --> 00:12:54,010
Now, let's try
a little aggression.
320
00:12:54,012 --> 00:12:56,513
You have a small wee-wee.
321
00:12:56,515 --> 00:12:57,447
Oh, all right.
322
00:12:57,449 --> 00:13:00,684
Not a very applicable
insult for women,
323
00:13:00,686 --> 00:13:02,652
But you get the idea.
324
00:13:02,654 --> 00:13:05,722
Now, mesmerize.
325
00:13:05,724 --> 00:13:06,823
[soft string music]
326
00:13:06,825 --> 00:13:10,527
I feel like I'm drowning
in your eyes.
327
00:13:10,529 --> 00:13:11,961
Exactly.
328
00:13:11,963 --> 00:13:13,763
Isolate!
329
00:13:15,766 --> 00:13:18,501
Now say her name.
330
00:13:18,503 --> 00:13:20,770
Vigtar.
331
00:13:20,772 --> 00:13:23,807
My name is...Victor.
332
00:13:23,809 --> 00:13:26,743
Really? That doesn't sound
like a name at all.
333
00:13:26,745 --> 00:13:28,445
That's my name,
is victor.
334
00:13:28,447 --> 00:13:29,312
- Victor?
- Yes.
335
00:13:29,314 --> 00:13:30,914
It's always
been my name.
336
00:13:30,916 --> 00:13:31,848
No, vigtar is your name.
337
00:13:31,850 --> 00:13:33,550
- No, vic--
- vigtar--
338
00:13:33,552 --> 00:13:34,884
(hamish)
just hit her!
339
00:13:34,886 --> 00:13:36,553
Oh!
340
00:13:36,555 --> 00:13:37,987
I said hit her!
341
00:13:37,989 --> 00:13:39,622
Yes, hit her!
342
00:13:39,624 --> 00:13:40,623
Just do it!
343
00:13:40,625 --> 00:13:43,126
Make me feel something.
344
00:13:43,761 --> 00:13:44,961
God, I can't.
345
00:13:44,963 --> 00:13:46,596
I'm sorry.
346
00:13:46,598 --> 00:13:49,199
Hitting a woman seems
almost unnatural to me.
347
00:13:49,201 --> 00:13:51,668
Oh, maybe I am a homosexual.
348
00:13:51,670 --> 00:13:55,004
(hamish)
everyone in that house
seems gay to me.
349
00:13:55,006 --> 00:13:57,474
[chuckles]
350
00:13:57,476 --> 00:13:58,742
Ooh.
351
00:13:58,744 --> 00:14:03,446
[moaning]
352
00:14:03,448 --> 00:14:04,447
What is--
353
00:14:04,449 --> 00:14:05,982
[moaning]
354
00:14:06,917 --> 00:14:09,619
[giggling]
355
00:14:12,490 --> 00:14:14,691
Oh...Oh...
356
00:14:14,693 --> 00:14:16,092
Mm.
357
00:14:16,094 --> 00:14:17,627
[giggles]
358
00:14:17,629 --> 00:14:18,561
Mm.
359
00:14:18,563 --> 00:14:20,663
Oh.
[laughs]
360
00:14:20,665 --> 00:14:23,066
[moaning]
361
00:14:24,568 --> 00:14:26,770
[moaning]
362
00:14:26,772 --> 00:14:28,671
[both moaning]
363
00:14:28,673 --> 00:14:34,043
Oh, I've got one more
blood sausage for you to taste.
364
00:14:36,514 --> 00:14:37,881
♪ I'm the king, baby ♪
365
00:14:37,883 --> 00:14:39,082
♪ I'm the boss ♪
366
00:14:39,084 --> 00:14:40,817
Yes, celine!
367
00:14:40,819 --> 00:14:42,752
Okay.
368
00:14:42,754 --> 00:14:44,120
I'm done.
369
00:14:44,122 --> 00:14:45,488
No, I'm so close!
370
00:14:45,490 --> 00:14:46,089
I know.
371
00:14:46,091 --> 00:14:47,824
That's why I'm done.
372
00:14:47,826 --> 00:14:49,092
[whimpering]
373
00:14:49,094 --> 00:14:50,994
You torture me so.
374
00:14:50,996 --> 00:14:53,296
Oh, I love you.
375
00:14:53,298 --> 00:14:54,931
You've never
said that before.
376
00:14:54,933 --> 00:14:57,000
Well, we've never
discussed this
377
00:14:57,002 --> 00:14:59,903
When I was so close
to orgasming.
378
00:14:59,905 --> 00:15:01,304
If you love me, prove it.
379
00:15:01,306 --> 00:15:02,872
I'll do anything
for you.
380
00:15:02,874 --> 00:15:04,974
I want a bedroom.
381
00:15:04,976 --> 00:15:06,009
Upstairs.
382
00:15:06,011 --> 00:15:08,244
I'll see what I can do,
383
00:15:08,246 --> 00:15:10,814
But you must be patient.
384
00:15:12,450 --> 00:15:13,783
[blows air]
385
00:15:13,785 --> 00:15:17,053
[gasps]
386
00:15:17,822 --> 00:15:18,955
[groans]
387
00:15:18,957 --> 00:15:20,824
Look at that!
388
00:15:20,826 --> 00:15:21,491
Oh!
389
00:15:21,493 --> 00:15:23,927
Oh! Oh! Oh!
390
00:15:23,929 --> 00:15:24,461
Oh!
391
00:15:24,463 --> 00:15:28,231
The volume is...
Unbelievable.
392
00:15:28,233 --> 00:15:30,800
[groaning]
393
00:15:30,802 --> 00:15:32,936
[sighs]
394
00:15:32,938 --> 00:15:33,870
(commodore)
oh!
395
00:15:33,872 --> 00:15:36,506
A second!
This is rare.
396
00:15:42,513 --> 00:15:46,282
- No votes for women!
- No, votes for women!
397
00:15:46,284 --> 00:15:50,286
- No votes for women!
- No, votes for women!
398
00:15:50,288 --> 00:15:51,488
No votes for women!
399
00:15:51,490 --> 00:15:53,523
You cream-sucking bitches
400
00:15:53,525 --> 00:15:56,192
Need to get off the stage.
401
00:15:56,194 --> 00:15:58,461
[shouting]
402
00:15:58,463 --> 00:16:02,165
[women screaming]
403
00:16:02,167 --> 00:16:03,967
[glass shatters]
404
00:16:05,202 --> 00:16:08,371
[dramatic music]
405
00:16:08,373 --> 00:16:14,844
♪ ♪
406
00:16:14,846 --> 00:16:15,979
[glass shatters]
407
00:16:15,981 --> 00:16:18,147
[screaming]
408
00:16:19,350 --> 00:16:21,885
- No!
- Let me do it!
409
00:16:23,387 --> 00:16:24,420
[groaning]
410
00:16:24,422 --> 00:16:25,989
Aah!
411
00:16:27,324 --> 00:16:29,993
Stop!
Stop it!
412
00:16:29,995 --> 00:16:31,261
Stop fighting!
413
00:16:31,263 --> 00:16:35,431
You have all
contracted hysteria.
414
00:16:36,500 --> 00:16:38,034
[squish]
aah!
415
00:16:38,036 --> 00:16:39,002
Oh!
416
00:16:39,004 --> 00:16:40,637
Oh, I don't really care
if women get to vote.
417
00:16:40,639 --> 00:16:42,272
I'm rich;
laws don't affect me.
418
00:16:42,274 --> 00:16:45,008
Plus, I just felt like
ruining hortense's day.
419
00:16:45,010 --> 00:16:45,975
(beatrice)
I care.
420
00:16:45,977 --> 00:16:49,512
Women shouldn't get to vote
for another million years.
421
00:16:49,514 --> 00:16:50,480
How did I get hysteria?
422
00:16:50,482 --> 00:16:53,016
Am I gonna go to heaven
like uncle buster?
423
00:16:53,018 --> 00:16:53,550
No.
424
00:16:53,552 --> 00:16:55,652
But it is believed
that female sex moisture
425
00:16:55,654 --> 00:17:00,223
Turns venomous if not released
through regular climax.
426
00:17:00,225 --> 00:17:02,125
What?
Oh, no.
427
00:17:02,127 --> 00:17:03,393
I haven't climaxed
428
00:17:03,395 --> 00:17:07,497
Since horseback riding lessons
when I was a girl.
429
00:17:07,499 --> 00:17:08,965
No one worry.
430
00:17:08,967 --> 00:17:11,467
Pater freud is here.
431
00:17:11,469 --> 00:17:13,269
Now, blanche, please,
432
00:17:13,271 --> 00:17:15,672
Stimulate beatrice
with a feather,
433
00:17:15,674 --> 00:17:19,576
Lightly at first.
434
00:17:19,578 --> 00:17:21,411
Um...
435
00:17:23,280 --> 00:17:25,248
Oh, [bleep],
[bleep], [bleep]!
436
00:17:25,250 --> 00:17:28,952
Yeah, yeah, uh-huh,
uh-huh, [bleep]!
437
00:17:28,954 --> 00:17:32,088
[beatrice moaning]
438
00:17:32,090 --> 00:17:34,023
Ah!
439
00:17:34,025 --> 00:17:35,091
Hmm.
440
00:17:35,093 --> 00:17:36,059
[beatrice sighs]
441
00:17:36,061 --> 00:17:38,294
Did you already orgasm?
442
00:17:38,296 --> 00:17:39,596
Is that where I get
the quiver-shakes,
443
00:17:39,598 --> 00:17:42,165
And I'm transported to a ghost
purgatory on a beam of light
444
00:17:42,167 --> 00:17:43,366
And then I ask for forgiveness?
445
00:17:43,368 --> 00:17:45,935
I've never seen this before.
446
00:17:45,937 --> 00:17:46,703
Blanche, continue.
447
00:17:46,705 --> 00:17:50,039
Let's see if beatrice
has multi-orgasms.
448
00:17:50,041 --> 00:17:51,240
Ah!
449
00:17:51,242 --> 00:17:52,008
Yeah.
450
00:17:52,010 --> 00:17:55,478
[moaning, screaming]
451
00:17:56,513 --> 00:17:57,113
Mm.
452
00:17:57,115 --> 00:18:01,150
Well, I'd say you're cured.
453
00:18:01,152 --> 00:18:04,320
I will treat this patient
myself.
454
00:18:07,324 --> 00:18:10,960
[device buzzing]
455
00:18:10,962 --> 00:18:11,995
[grunts]
456
00:18:11,997 --> 00:18:13,396
Now, pelvic contractions
457
00:18:13,398 --> 00:18:16,232
Will release pent-up
uterine energies
458
00:18:16,234 --> 00:18:18,201
Which have been
affecting your moods.
459
00:18:18,203 --> 00:18:19,235
If you want to improve
my mood,
460
00:18:19,237 --> 00:18:20,703
You're gonna need to use
another finger.
461
00:18:20,705 --> 00:18:24,307
Now, dodo, in some elderly
specimens such as yourself,
462
00:18:24,309 --> 00:18:29,012
A more strident course
of stimulation is required.
463
00:18:29,014 --> 00:18:31,681
Servant, begin.
464
00:18:34,652 --> 00:18:38,254
[bike whirring]
465
00:18:42,292 --> 00:18:44,560
Faster, garfield,
faster!
466
00:18:44,562 --> 00:18:46,629
Faster, faster!
467
00:18:46,631 --> 00:18:51,267
[women moaning]
468
00:18:54,338 --> 00:18:58,307
Remember when I was going to
make all those laws you wanted?
469
00:18:58,309 --> 00:18:59,409
- I can't.
- Oh, no.
470
00:18:59,411 --> 00:19:01,344
Did you get fired
from the senate
471
00:19:01,346 --> 00:19:03,046
For having
excitement pee?
472
00:19:03,048 --> 00:19:05,081
No, I--
473
00:19:05,083 --> 00:19:07,316
I have homosexual disease.
474
00:19:07,318 --> 00:19:08,384
Oh, no.
475
00:19:08,386 --> 00:19:09,485
Dr. Floyd is on his way,
476
00:19:09,487 --> 00:19:12,121
And I'm going to tell him
that the treatment's failed.
477
00:19:12,123 --> 00:19:14,824
Is there anything
I can do to help?
478
00:19:14,826 --> 00:19:16,693
I don't think so.
479
00:19:16,695 --> 00:19:19,462
I have to start having
sexual relations with men.
480
00:19:19,464 --> 00:19:21,230
It's doctor's orders.
481
00:19:21,232 --> 00:19:22,632
This is all my fault.
482
00:19:22,634 --> 00:19:24,167
Why is it your fault?
483
00:19:24,169 --> 00:19:24,934
I don't know.
484
00:19:24,936 --> 00:19:26,669
I just like to make
everything about myself.
485
00:19:26,671 --> 00:19:29,672
That's why I love you.
486
00:19:29,674 --> 00:19:31,274
So confusing.
487
00:19:31,276 --> 00:19:31,841
Yeah.
488
00:19:31,843 --> 00:19:33,810
I'm a confirmed
homosexual,
489
00:19:33,812 --> 00:19:35,778
And yet everything
in my body
490
00:19:35,780 --> 00:19:37,447
Is telling me to pull
off your robe
491
00:19:37,449 --> 00:19:40,583
And slide myself
into your pubic mound.
492
00:19:40,585 --> 00:19:43,086
And yet you can't.
493
00:19:43,088 --> 00:19:44,620
And yet it feels
so right.
494
00:19:44,622 --> 00:19:47,557
Why must I be
a homosexual?
495
00:19:47,559 --> 00:19:49,092
Why?!
496
00:19:49,094 --> 00:19:50,760
Ugh!
497
00:19:53,530 --> 00:19:56,265
(dr. Freud)
what is going on in here?
498
00:19:56,267 --> 00:19:57,200
Nothing!
499
00:19:57,202 --> 00:19:59,335
Frederick, look at you.
500
00:19:59,337 --> 00:19:59,969
You are cured.
501
00:19:59,971 --> 00:20:04,107
The masculinity training
must have done the trick.
502
00:20:04,109 --> 00:20:07,577
I officially declare you
a non-homosexual.
503
00:20:07,579 --> 00:20:10,413
Oh, frederick,
I'm so proud of you.
504
00:20:10,415 --> 00:20:11,814
You're not concerned at all
with the fact
505
00:20:11,816 --> 00:20:13,349
That I'm having sex
with my sister?
506
00:20:13,351 --> 00:20:15,818
Seems perfectly natural
to me.
507
00:20:15,820 --> 00:20:17,754
Carry on.
508
00:20:23,427 --> 00:20:25,461
There comes a time
in every man's life
509
00:20:25,463 --> 00:20:27,463
When he must choose
between doing
510
00:20:27,465 --> 00:20:28,865
What his mother
wants him to do
511
00:20:28,867 --> 00:20:31,634
And what his sister
wants him to do.
512
00:20:31,636 --> 00:20:34,737
And I've realized
that my country needs me
513
00:20:34,739 --> 00:20:37,406
In washington, b.C.
514
00:20:37,408 --> 00:20:39,709
Yes, let's go.
515
00:21:08,105 --> 00:21:09,105
What is going on
in here?
516
00:21:09,107 --> 00:21:10,640
What is going on in here?
517
00:21:10,642 --> 00:21:12,708
(hortense)
what is going on in here?
518
00:21:12,710 --> 00:21:13,643
What are you doing?
519
00:21:13,645 --> 00:21:14,710
What the hell was that?
520
00:21:14,712 --> 00:21:15,778
What the hell was that?
521
00:21:15,780 --> 00:21:16,679
What is happening?
522
00:21:16,681 --> 00:21:18,581
What? What is it?
What do you want?
523
00:21:18,583 --> 00:21:19,482
What is this?
524
00:21:19,484 --> 00:21:21,551
What is this, baltimore?34588
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