All language subtitles for yes_dear_s05e05_gregs_new_assistant

Hey. Making cookies, huh?

Yeah. They're for Sammy and Logan's
school picnic.

I made a different one for each kid in
the class and wrote their name in

frosting.

What's that one with all the dots?

Oh, that's for the blind kid.

Ah, you're really knocking yourself out.

I'm just bringing jello.

Jello's good. You want me to help you
make it?

Make it?

I was just going to tip a spoon to each
box.

Hello. Hey, what's up, guys?

You guys are home from work late. Yeah,
my new assistant quit, so I had a lot of

extra work to do at the end of the day.
I don't believe it. I just spoke to

Paula this morning. It seemed like she
was in a really good mood.

I don't know what to tell you. Two weeks
in and she quits. I came back from

lunch and there was nothing but a
spinning chair and the faint smell of

patchouli oil.

Well, I thought your assistant was a guy
named Grant.

No, Grant was two assistants ago.

You know, my favorite one was Frank.

He was so considerate.

And whenever I'd sneak into your office
to take a nap, I'd always wake up with a

blanket over me.

I just hope it's not me. I'd hate to
think that everyone's quitting because

some kind of a jerk.

I doubt they think you're some kind of a
jerk.

Yeah, I'm sure they think of you as a
very unique and special kind of jerk.

Hey, just because I'm rude to you
doesn't mean I'm rude to actual people,

I try very hard to be nice to everybody.

When it's somebody's birthday at work,
I'm the one that brings the cake.

Yeah, you bring a gluten -free carrot
cake with no nuts.

Why shouldn't I get to have a piece?

I close this chemistry book, I know my
college days will soon be over.

It's funny because after I opened my
chemistry book, I knew my college days

would soon be over.

I just hope I can get a job. You know, I
mean, I've sent out tons of resumes.

I've got nothing but rejection.

Hey, Christine, I told you guys to stop
worrying about these things. These

things will work out. They always do,
you know.

Just relax.

You know, watch some TV. Get your mind
off it.

I don't want to get my mind off it,
Jimmy.

This is my life. I can't just...

kick back and watch Pimp My Ride and
assume everything will work out.

Okay.

What, can I watch Pimp My Ride?

I have a job.

Jimmy, look, I know this might sound
like a bad idea at first, but, um,

what if I applied for the job as Greg's
assistant?

What? No. Christine, no.

No.

No. Look, Jimmy, I know it might be
awkward, all right, but this is a great

I bet the pay is good, and I'm sure the
health plan is a lot better than that

crappy HMO they give you.

Wait a minute. What's wrong with my
health plan? The kids love their doctor.

Yeah, the kids like their doctor, and
you like your dentist, and I like my

gynecologist. I'm a little concerned,
however, that they're all the same guy.

Hey, say what you want, but, you know, I
kind of like having a dentist chair

where I can prop up my feet.

You really want to work for Greg?

Okay, the guy's clearly a horrible boss.
Look at all the assistance he keeps

going through.

Maybe they're just leaving for a better
job.

Look, Jimmy, even if Greg is difficult,
I think I can handle him, you know? I

mean, I've lived with him for four
years. I know his likes. I know his

Where are his dislikes?

I'm serious. I read it in his AOL
profile.

Come on, man. There's got to be
something else out there. What if there

Jimmy? I need a job, all right? I don't
want to feel like a loser again.

What are you talking about?

Jimmy, before I went to college, I had
never accomplished anything that I could

feel proud of. Christine, that's crazy.

You've done plenty of stuff that you can
be proud of. Look, Jimmy, college felt

great, all right? But if I don't get a
job, I'm going to feel like a failure.

Especially if I'm stuck at home, taping
spoons to jello boxes while Supermom Kim

gives me the stink eye.

I can't compete with her, Jimmy. She's
like...

June Cleaver on Red Bull and Crystal
Meth.

Look, I don't want you to feel like a
failure. I want you to be happy, and if

working for Greg's gonna make you happy,
I'm behind you all the way.

Thank you, honey.

And enough with the talk about Kim being
a better mom than you.

Okay, you're the super mom around here.

I know it, and so are the kids.

You're right.

I am.

By the way, where are the kids?

I don't know. I'm sure Kim's watching.

Good morning, Greg.

Have a seat.

I made coffee.

Thanks.

Try some. Go ahead.

Huh? What do you think?

Yeah, it's coffee.

If I'm not mistaken, it's just the way
you like it, right? French roast beans,

steamed milk with just a dash of fresh
ground cinnamon.

Oh, you went all out.

Well, you know, I like getting coffee.
It's something I take pride in doing

well. Can I have a cup?

What, are your arms broken?

Here you go, Greg.

Open to the business section, of course.

All right, what did you do?

Nothing. What did you break?

Nothing.

Count the children, Kim. Count all the
children.

Everything is fine.

I just wanted to show you what a good
assistant I'd make.

I'd really love to be considered for the
job.

Christine, I... No, no, no, Craig, don't
forget. I mean, I have a degree in

business and economics. I type 60 words
a minute, and my phone skills are

fantastic.

Christine is your new assistant. How
great would that be? You guys would have

much fun.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, we'd have a blast. And
I would love to hire Christine, but I

can't.

Why not?

Well, unfortunately, the studio has a
rule against nepotism and, you know,

and laotism.

Oh. Really?

Because Jimmy just said Roy got his
brother a job at the guard gate.

Well, it wasn't so much the studio as it
was everybody on my floor. We all, you

know, made a pact.

Put our hands in the middle and
everything.

I wish there was something I could do.
No, no. It's okay. I understand.

I thought it was worth a shot.

Why not? Because, Kim, what if she's
awful?

Do you know how awkward it would be for
me to have to fire her?

But she won't be awful. She's got a
business degree and work experience.

I'm doing her a favor. Apparently I'm a
jerk to work for anyway. That's why

everybody keeps quitting. You don't know
that for sure.

At least Christine will be able to tell
you if you're being a mean boss.

That would be nice. Christine is pretty
honest.

All right, fine, Kim. I will hire her.

But if anything goes wrong, you're going
to be the one that has to fire her, not

me. Got it? Got it.

Hey, Greg, I wanted to give you my
resume, you know, take your hair off any

assistant jobs.

You know what, Christine, I've been
thinking about it, and I think it would

okay if you worked for me.

Really? Are you sure?

Yeah, I'm sure. Thank you so much for
giving me this chance.

There's a pin in that pocket. I think
you just pierced my nipple.

Craig, I am not going to let you down. I
promise. You are going to be so shocked

at how professional I'm going to be.
Great.

Timmy! Get my pantyhose out of the sink!
Mama's going to work!

Hey.

Hi there.

Isn't this great?

You know, I always thought we'd end up
working in the same place.

Yeah, me too.

Just thought it would be on the side of
the road in orange jumpsuits.

How's it going?

Well, uh, great so far.

I mean, it was a pretty busy morning,
but I feel like I have everything under

control.

I gotta tell you, you look really great
in that suit, pant

thingy. Jimmy, stop.

We're at work.

Besides, Greg's gonna be back from lunch
any minute.

Well, no he won't. I put a sock on the
doorknob.

Any guy who's ever had sex with a girl
in a college dorm knows exactly what

means.

Why is there a sock on the door?

What are you doing here?

I was just visiting with your assistant.
You know, you've got a very hard worker

here. She wouldn't even let me get the
first base, which is more than I can say

about your other assistants.

So what's going on?

Um, well, let's see. Your Wednesday
meeting made the move to 3 .30, which

fine. Legal faxed over the contract for
your 2 o 'clock with Switzky.

And, um, oh.

I talked the computer guys into taking
the internet filter off the computer.

Christine, the studio puts that on so
people don't waste company time looking

porn. I know. You're welcome.

I'm going to go. I'll put these away.
Okay, thanks.

Hey, um, Greg?

Am I doing okay?

Are you kidding? You're doing a great
job.

It means a lot.

Thank you.

Don't mention it.

Oh, Christine, am I doing okay?

What? I mean, as your boss, I was hoping
with you here I could find out why

people keep quitting. Have I been a jerk
at all?

No. No, not at all. You've been great.

I'm loving you as a boss. Well, thanks.
That's a big relief. Thank you.

Hey, Greg, the vest you need to bring.
Oh.

Oh, I'm sorry, man. I thought the sock
on the door was a joke.

She's my sister -in -law.

No one's judging you, dude. Just lock
the door next time.

Um, all right, well, uh, you better head
out for your meeting.

Um, here are your contracts.

Great.

Oh, and, uh, here.

Have a piece of gum. No, thank you. Um,
have a piece of gum. Got you.

Greg Warner's office.

Hey, it's me. How's it going?

Great, great. I mean, it's all still
new, but I feel like I get it.

Which is a relief, considering how
nervous I was this morning.

Yeah. I figured you were a little
nervous when I saw you rubbing

on the back of your knees.

It's one of the bad things to inherit
from Dad.

There are worse things.

At least you've never had to wax your
toe knuckles.

Well, anyway, I'm glad to hear you've
got everything under control.

Yep. So far, so good. But you know what?
I have to really get going. I don't

want to spend too much time on personal
calls, you know, especially on my first

day. Oh, actually, this isn't a personal
call. I've got some work for you.

Oh. You do?

Yeah. The flyer for Sammy's class picnic
needs to go out today, and Greg's

office has that great laser printer.

I was wondering if you could just print
it out for me there.

Okay.

Then make about 70 copies and just pop
them into envelopes. I'll email you the

addresses for the mailing labels.

Uh, yeah, I got a lot of work to do for
Greg today.

Oh, well, this is for Greg.

Sam is Greg's kid too, right?

Right.

I'm sorry, you're right.

So when you've got the envelopes ready,
just run them across the street to the

post office.

Oh, and while you're there, I need you
to pop into the dry cleaners and pick up

some of Greg's suits.

Okay, I'll get started on that right
now.

Great, thanks.

I'll see you tonight. Bye.

Greg, what are you talking about? Me
again.

One more thing.

Sometimes the lady at the dry cleaners
has hard candies.

Could you pick up a few for Sammy?

Sure. Any particular flavor Sammy would
like? Oh, I'm sure whatever flavor you

pick out will be just fine.

Okie doke.

Grape? Sour apple. Got it.

Hey, how do you feel your first week as
a working girl? I wish I was a real

working girl, at least I'd get to lay
down every once in a while.

Not bad, huh?

I'm only getting work.

I mean, today I made thousands of
photocopies, dozens of phone calls, and

spent my lunch hour at the photomat
picking up pictures of Sammy's soccer

I told you working for Greg was a bad
idea. I knew he'd be riding you. I knew

he'd be always standing over you, just
cracking the whip. No, no, no. It's not

Greg. It's Kim. She's riding me. She's
standing over me, cracking the whip.

Wow.

How hot is that?

Kimmy. I

mean, every day

she has more and more projects for me.
Today, I actually did more for her than

did for Greg.

You're kidding me.

No. No, I've been designing flyers,
organizing field trips, comparing rental

prices for their trip to Florida.

And I wouldn't be surprised if before
they went, she asked me to give her a

bikini wax.

How hot is that? Hey,

there you are. I thought I'd let your
car drive up. Hey, did you happen to

finish the sign -up poster for Emily's
class field trip?

Yeah. Took me a lot longer than I
thought, but, uh, yeah, it's all done.

What's wrong?

Nothing.

The white poster board seems a little
businessy.

Why don't you try again and have some
fun with it?

Maybe add a splash of color.

Sure. Thanks. I wonder if Kim would mind
if the splash of color was her

own blood.

She's been doing this all week.

I'll tell her to stop. I can't. She's my
boss's wife.

You know, I'm just venting, all right? I
know it's all...

part of the job.

Oh, no, Christine. I know a lot of
assistants at the studio, and I never

of them having to do this kind of stuff
for their boss's wives.

Really?

None of them? No, not even Trubisky.

Of course, he goes through them too
fast.

I did, then? No, why? I hate to say it,
but I think Kim's taking advantage of

you because you're her sister.

You just need to tell her to back off.

Oh, I know. You're right.

I should talk to her. I certainly can't
keep living like this. Exactly.

Okay. I'm just gonna go in there and sit
her down, have a mature conversation.

What are you doing?

Oh, our mature conversations.

Historically, I'm with a lot of hair
pulling and clothes ripping.

Hey, can I... No, you can't watch!

Kim? Yeah?

We need to talk.

Look, I'm concerned that all the extra
work you're giving me might be getting

the way of doing the best job that I can
for Greg.

Oh, I see.

Unfortunately, the projects I ask you to
do are part of your job.

Yeah, you keep saying that, but I took a
peek at the company handbook, and

taking your underwear back to the gap
because your thong is too thongy, not

of the job description.

This is so typical.

Excuse me?

You're always looking for the easy way
out.

It goes all the way back to high school.

You would steal my boyfriends because
you refused to do the job of getting

for yourself.

Hey, I didn't steal them. They came to
me because there were certain jobs you

refused to do.

I had braces with rubber bands.

I'm sorry.

But in order for me to do the best job
that I can for Greg, I can't do any more

of your little project.

I'm sorry. I hope you can understand
that.

I understand.

And I know that wasn't easy for you to
say.

I'm just glad I know where you stand.

You're fired.

I'm going to have to let you go.

Nuh -uh, you can't fire me.

Hey, what's going on? I had to fire
Christine.

What? You can't do that. See, you were
the one who said that when things didn't

work out with Christine, I was going to
have to be the one to fire her. Well,

things aren't working out.

What are you talking about? She's the
best assistant I've ever had.

We get along so well, half the office
thinks we're sleeping together.

You don't understand. She is shirking
her other responsibility.

What other responsibility?

Responsibilities to Kim.

She's been dumping projects on me all
week.

You know that school flyer she's been
showing off? Yeah. Oh, me. I made it.

you know that field trip that she's
planning for next month? Yeah. Me.

And you see that nice suit you're
wearing? You made this?

No,

I didn't make it. But I'm the one who
had to pick it up at the dry cleaner.

You're kidding.

Christine, you're overreacting. And you
are taking advantage of me because I'm

your sister.

That is completely untrue. There's not
one thing I've asked you to do that I

wouldn't have asked Greg's old assistant
to do. Wait a minute. You asked my old

assistant to do stuff for you? You knew
that. I didn't know that. How often do

you do this?

I don't know.

Maybe once or twice a week?

A day. Once or twice a day.

Yesterday she told me to take my cell
phone into the bathroom so when nature

called, she could do.

My God, Kim, you're the reason all my
assistants keep quitting.

This is great.

I'm not a jerk. I'm just married to one.

What? It's you, Kim. Here I am, wasting
all this time thinking that I'm a lousy

boss. I mean, it's starting to make
sense.

Because when Paula quit, I overheard her
tell somebody she couldn't deal with

Mrs. Warner anymore. I thought she was
talking about me.

Even though she said Mrs.

Warner? There was an incident. I had
trouble lifting a water jug one time.

God, I feel awful.

I thought your assistant was something
we could both use.

Well, at least now you know, so you can
stop doing it.

No, no, no. I can't stop.

How else will I get everything done?

I've got carpools to drive and school
trips to plan and cookies to bake.

I'm... I'm super mom.

Sorry,

honey.

Looks like it's time to...

Hang up the cape and start taping spoons
to jello boxes.

It's over.

Hey, I thought you went to the movies.

No, I got to finish doing laundry and
then make name tags for Sammy's field

tomorrow. I'm sorry I can't help you
out.

You know, Tim, you really should take it
easy on yourself. I mean, nobody

expects you to be super mom all the
time.

Super mom.

No, no, I'm still working. Just lost my
assistant.

No problem.

I can have those cupcakes there in two
minutes.

How hot is that?