All language subtitles for yes_dear_s04e17_greg_and_jimmys_criminals

Reflecting revenues from the last two
quarters, this shows an average loss of

million per year.

This is outrageous.

Who's responsible for this? Well, sir,
you approve all the budgets.

I mean, who put the onion bagel in with
the pastry?

I run a multi -million dollar
corporation, and I'm stuck eating a

onion muffin.

Uh, Mrs. Epitsky, there's someone in the
prison here to see you.

I knew it was just a matter of time.

Warner, you take over the meeting.

Beverly, thread everything in my second
drawer.

No, sir. Actually, they have a person
here for you.

Oh, is it today?

Yeah, this is Hank. What do you want
him? Why don't you just chain him up out

the hallway or something?

What is going on?

A few nights ago I got drunk at a
charity event and I told the chief of

the studio would help out with some kind
of new work release program.

Work release program?

Yeah, they take convicts who were close
to being released and they expose them

to a real office environment so it's
easier for them to get a job of their

Or something like that. I was throwing
up a urinal when he was telling me about

it.

So he's going to work here at our
office?

I know, I know. I've really got to stop
drinking at these charity things.

You know, sir, if I may say so, you
know, I think it's inspiring that a man

your stature is willing to work one -on
-one with a convict.

Very admirable.

You know, thanks.

Now, which one of you is going to do it
for me?

All right, I got myself into this mess.
I guess I'll get myself out of it.

Okay, everybody puts your name on a slip
of paper.

Peterson, give me your hat.

Just give me your hat. We all know
you're bald.

I'm bald, too. You don't see me walking
around here like Samuel L. Jackson.

All right.

The winner is... Stuart.

All right, let's call it a meeting.

Stuart, good luck with your criminal.
I'm sure everything will go fine.

If it doesn't, I can have Natalie Cole
sing one song at your funeral.

I won that at a charity event, too.

Hey, Greg, we're going to go get some
breakfast at the commissary. You coming?

Well, there's free bagels and cream
cheese here.

I know. We're going to go pay for a real
breakfast. Okay, Miss Moneybag, you do

that.

Mr. Spitzky, yeah.

How long will I be rehabilitating this
gentleman?

A few weeks.

Oh.

But you're sending me to London next
week for the foreign distribution

Oh, that's right. Well, I guess I'll
have to find someone else.

Huh, everyone's gone.

What am I going to do?

Warner?

Is that you, Warner?

Warner?

What's up?

Listen, I need you to take over the
convict for Stewart, okay?

No problem.

Damn bagel should have eaten it dry.

Hey,

how was your day?

Terrible. Savitsky stuck me with
something.

convict as part of a work relief
program.

What? A prisoner, Kim.

I'm stuck working next to a prisoner all
day at work.

Do you have any idea how hard it is to
proofread a deal memo when you're

about getting shanked?

Well, what's the guy in jail for?

Well, according to him, and I quote,
because that bitch Tony can't keep his

mouth shut.

Well, what's he like? Is he a nice guy?

I don't know. We really don't talk.

Well, didn't you at least talk to him
about what it's like to work in an

No, I didn't, Jimmy. He sits there. I
work. He gets the message.

By the way, where's Logan's Game Boy? I
want to give him something to do

tomorrow.

Geez, why don't you just give him a
paddle with a ball and a string?

No way.

He'll tie me up with the string, beat me
with the paddle.

God only knows where the ball would wind
up.

You know, I wish you'd take this a
little more seriously.

Yeah, you have a chance to make a real
difference in this guy's life. Well,

that's a sweet thought, but really, I
mean, when it comes to helping out some

idiot who's made nothing but bad choices
his whole life, I'm sorry, but I gave

it to guest house.

Go ahead and joke, but I can relate to
this guy. You know, I can't help but

think, but with a few wrong turns in my
life, that criminal could be me.

Yeah, when we were in high school, Jimmy
took lots of chances with the cops. You

know, using a fake ID to buy beer. I
used to worry about him getting arrested

all the time.

Yeah. If something happened to Jimmy,
where would you get your beer?

Look, I'm just saying that you can
really help this guy, Greg.

So when he comes in tomorrow, spend some
time with him. Show him around the

studio. Answer his questions.

I don't think so.

Okay, fine. Then give him to me.

What's that?

You want to help this guy? I will.

Really? You'd do that? Yeah.

You know what?

Tomorrow, bring him down by the guard
shack. Great. He's all yours. I mean,

better that the guy work with you
anyway.

Realistically, you know, he's never
going to be a big executive at a studio.

But going from convicted felon to
security guard, that's practically a

move.

Hey, Hank.

About us not working together, I hope
I'm not on your, you know, hit list.

Yeah, well, you are.

But you're so far down there, I don't
think I'm ever going to get to you.

Well, again, sorry.

It's really okay.

You know, it's worked out for me.
Jimmy's been great. I mean, he spent the

morning showing me around.

Yeah, I have.

So as you can see, Hank, being a studio
security guard basically boils down to

three responsibilities, okay? Making
rounds, manning the guard gate.

Occasionally, you've got to do some
paperwork.

You know, it's a lot like the guards
where I'm from, except after the

occasionally they have to spray a naked
fella down with a high -pressure hose.

Yeah, I guess it means something totally
different when one of your guards says,

Something's missing, and you need to
check your trunk.

I want to thank you for all the help
you've given me. I mean, I really

lot from watching you do your job. Oh,
no, Hank, you don't have to thank me. I

didn't teach you anything. You just sat
in the guard shack with me and Billy.

Poor guy, and he thought he avoided the
gas chamber.

Hey, college boy, these guys are out
there working every bit as hard as you

You might want to watch what you say.

Oh, I was just kidding. I mean, we kid
around all the time, don't we, Jimmy?

a lot.

Kid, kid, kid. Jimmy, tell them.

It's okay, Hank. Don't worry about it.

Hey, Warner.

Guys. Hey, Mr. Fitz.

Hey, I remember you. You're the
prisoner.

Listen, there's something I always
wanted to know.

Could a white guy ever join a Latino
gang?

I don't know. They might let you join.
But if they riot, they're picking the

gringo as the human shield.

That's what I thought.

Well, I hope Warner's been treating you
all right.

Actually, I'm working with Jimmy now.
Yep.

Oh, I see.

So I passed him off on you and you just
turned around like a little weasel and

passed him off on someone else?

Good job, Warner.

You're an executive to the bone.

So, Jimmy, how'd it go today with Hank?

Oh, great.

I had him spend the whole day with me
from our morning meeting to help me

the sound stages at night.

I bet the sound of all those big doors
slamming shut made him a little

huh?

You know what? I am so happy I agreed to
do this. I really think that I can help

this guy.

Well, to me, doing a great thing. It's
really nice to see. Thank you. Yeah, you

should be really proud of yourself.

Don't worry. Just let this guy follow
him around.

Well, it's more than you were willing to
do. That's because I don't have any

time. My job's way too demanding.

You spend an entire week at your job,
and the loudest demand you'll ever hear

the gurgle of your own stomach.

Oh, please, Greg, you know what? Even if
you had agreed to let him follow you

around, you wouldn't have done anything
to help him. What are you talking about?

The reason you didn't want to do this
program is because you didn't want to

spend time with somebody who was in
jail.

You didn't even know Hank, and you were
already judging him. He's a criminal,

Jimmy. I didn't judge him. A judge
judged him.

You know, Craig, the problem with you is
that you've never spent time with

anybody who didn't grow up with money,
so you have no idea what people like

have been through. You're a snob. I am
not a snob.

I'm friendly with a lot of people that
don't have money. Oh, yeah, really? Name

one. I don't know. The cleaning staff at
the studio.

Yeah, name one of them. I can name two.
The guy with the stubby arm and the

woman with the thing on her face.

See? See what I'm talking about, Craig?
Those people, they have names.

Oh, really, Jimmy? What are their names?

I don't know. We call them Lefty and
Gorbachev.

But the point is, we took the time to
give them nicknames.

It's so unfair.

I'm such a down -to -earth person. I'm
not a snob. What are you getting so fed

about? I mean, we all thought being a
snob was kind of what you were going

They have a point, Craig. I mean, what
about our gardener here at the house?

To be honest, I don't think I've ever
seen you say two words to him. Who?

Manuel.

Aha, you didn't even think I knew his
name. His name is Manuel.

That's pronounced Manuel.

Tomato, tomato.

And his name is Miguel.

Hey, everybody. This is Curtis. That's
right, Jimmy. I have my own criminal.

He's peppered with bullet wounds, and
he's mine, all mine.

Curtis, I'd like you to meet Jimmy, and
this is Tank. Thank you.

Yeah, I know this guy.

Hey, man, I haven't seen you since you
got transferred down to cell block nine.

How is it down there? It's great. The
warden just got us a solar flex machine,

you know. Of course, I got to pay the
skinheads 20 bucks a month to use it,

I figure, hey, it's like going in a gym.

What are you doing? I am not a snob. I
can help out a criminal just as good as

you can. Oh, yeah, right.

Hey, Hank, why don't you tell Curtis and
Greg all the fun stuff we've been

doing? Oh, man, you're going to love
this program.

It's fabulous.

Jimmy's been doing so much with me.

He took me around. He introduced me to
all the bigwigs. He showed me all around

the lot.

We even went to the set of Judge and
Amy. Big deal. We're going to do all

and a lot more. Really?

Can I see the set of Judge and Amy? Are
you kidding? I'll get Judge Amy to hear

your appeal.

You know, this is so great.

I mean, being out in the real world has
made me realize my freedom is just too

precious to waste on some stupid crime.

Man, if only the judge who sentenced you
had heard you say those words.

Yeah, that would have done me more good
than, hey, Judge, could you make up your

mind already? I'm losing my buzz.

Oh, man, this chicken is disgusting. I
think I just ate a piece of beef.

You know, first thing I'm going to do
when I get out, have myself a decent

Yeah, I guess it's probably tough going
three years having to eat whatever the

boss man chose to put on your plate,
huh? No, really, Jimmy? You've been

it in my house before.

You know what I can't wait to have?

I want a shrimp cocktail with those big
shrimp like my buddy Charlie got at his

last meal.

Well, you know, when you guys get out of
prison, I'm going to take you down to

the Hollywood Bar and Grill. They have
delicious shrimp cocktail and chili.

Why wait until they get out?

I'll take you there right now.

Oh, I don't know, Jimmy. I don't think
we're supposed to leave the lot.

Well, it's only five minutes from here.
Can we go, too?

Of course we can.

This is going to be great.

Thanks, Jimmy. No problem. All right,
I'll drive.

Shotgun!

God,

it is so good to get away from prison
food.

Can we have some more bread and water
here, please?

Hey, guys, can I start you off with
something from the bar? Some wine or

Oh, man.

A beer?

God, it's been so long.

Well, go ahead, Hank. It's okay with me
if you want one.

Jimmy, you are the greatest.

Can I have one, too?

Of course you can.

Bring these gentlemen two of your finest
bottles of beer.

You know what? The last time I had a
bottle of beer in my hand, I smashed it

over some guy's head.

You know what? Bring his in a paper cup.

I can't tell you how many nights I've
lied in my bunk and dreamed about a

just like this.

This and taking a crap in a room with a
door.

Hey, Hank, when we get back to the
studio, I'm going to show you the new

software we got on our computer.

Oh, so they finally came out with Donkey
Kong 8 .0, huh?

When we get back to my office, I'm going
to put you on my computer and show you

a program you can use, Microsoft Excel.

Oh, I know Excel.

You do?

Yeah, I've always liked computers.

You know, I learned a lot of different
programs when I was in college.

I didn't know you went to college. I
went about a year and a half, and then I

ran out of money.

Then I went and asked my mom for some
more. Next thing I know, I was in jail.

Well, why? There's nothing wrong with
asking your mom for money. There is if

your mom's a bank teller and you're
holding a gun on her.

And I guess that was the end of whatever
future I might have had. Well, don't

say that. I mean, in a few weeks, your
future starts again. You know, have you

thought about what you're going to do
when you get out?

I'm going to take a bath with a couple
of hookers.

How about you, Hank? I just want to take
a shower where I can actually face the

shower. No, no, I'm talking about what
you're going to do for work. What kind

job do you want? Oh, I don't know.

I got a cousin in the mulch business.

Well, maybe you could do something with
computers.

You already know Excel.

I could teach you Word, PowerPoint,
PeopleSoft. Learn those and you can get

job anywhere.

You really think I could?

Absolutely. I really appreciate that,
Greg.

I might give it a try.

Hey, just for the record, you know what
a couple of hookers go for these days?

You know what? I'll ask around.

Hey, thanks for stopping. I just wanted
to get some gum. I don't want to have

beer on my breath when the guard comes
to pick me up. No problem. Understood.

We're just going to be a minute.

You guys need anything?

You know what? You can give me a pack of
turkey jerky while you're in there.

I got jerky made out of turkey now.

You boys have been away a long time.

Hey, can I get some bite -sized Kit
Kats? Bite -sized Kit Kats?

Man, what planet is this?

This is starting to freak me out a
little now.

It feels good. What?

Helping Curtis. It feels good.

Well, I got to hand it to you, Greg. I
didn't think you could do this.

And when I called you a snob, I was
wrong. No, Jimmy, you were right.

I mean, I started doing this to prove
that I wasn't such a judgmental person,

but I was.

And getting to know Curtis, he's all
right. I mean, he's basically a good guy

who made some bad choices.

Exactly. It's funny. The whole thing was
supposed to be about Curtis learning

something. It turns out I learned
something. Yeah.

It's kind of like when I helped Dominic
with his history test, you know?

Did you know there was a president named
Grover?

I'm really glad I did this, and I want
you to know I wouldn't have done it if

you hadn't talked me into it, so thanks.

No, you're welcome. You know, see, this
is how you deal with people. You know,

you've got to give them room to grow.

It's just space to be human beings, you
know?

We should feel really good. I mean, we
pretty much single -handedly got those

two guys ready to rejoin society.

Drive, drive, drive.

What?

Just floor it, man. We don't have a lot
of time here. What's going on? What's in

those bags?

Wallets, cash, couple of watches. We'll
divide it up later. Let's just get out

of here. You robbed the place. What in
the world are you thinking? I don't

Maybe it was that beer, man. I've never
been able to handle this stuff.

Alcohol was a big part of the reason I
got sent away in the first place.

Me, I just love robbing people.

Why didn't you tell me you couldn't
drink?

It's been three years. I wasn't sure if
it was still a problem.

I guess it is.

You're this close to being rehabilitated
and now you're going to throw it all

away? Yeah, what about everything we
talked about? Getting a new job, having

fresh start. How about a future? You
guys could get five more years for this.

Oh, God.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

You know what? Maybe this is our fault.
Maybe we gave you too much freedom too

fast. Now, you guys are going to have to
correct this while it's still time. You

need to march back in that store and
return all the wallets and the cash.

I can't.

If I go back in there, they're going to
think I'm there to kill them.

Why would they think that?

Because he told them if he saw any of
their faces again, he'd kill them.

I guess then I'll have to go.

Hey, thanks, Greg. You're the best. I'll
go, too.

Hey, Greg.

I forgot your turkey jerky, but you
can't miss it. I knocked the whole

over to get their attention.

166.

167.

Excuse me.

People? Oh, my God, there's a second
wave. They're not done with us. No, it's

okay. We've had a bit of a
misunderstanding.

We can have everyone's attention.

Don't look at them. It's a trick. Don't
kill me. I've got kids at home.

No one's going to get hurt, okay? This
has just been one big mistake. Now, we

would like to return all of your wallets
and purses. Okay, so what we're going

to do, we're just going to read your
names off your driver's licenses, and

you can come up and you can collect
them. Okay, first up, we have a Mr.

Mike Lemke.

Mike Lemke.

And you have a nice day.

Okay, next we have Pam Yesner.

Come on down!

Okay, next, Mr.

George... Oh, God.

Warner!

Mr. Stavitsky, I am so sorry.

What the hell's going on?

Well, it was Hank and Curtis that robbed
the place.

The convicts? What were those two doing
off the lot? I thought it'd be nice to

take them out to lunch. You what?

Wasn't such a good idea as it turned
out.

Look, Mr. Savitsky, we messed up, but
Curtis and Hank, they didn't mean to do

this. They just had one little lapse in
judgment.

Lapse in judgment. They told me if I
made a noise, they'd kill me.

I came in here to get a lottery ticket,
and I ended up nearly pooping myself.

Look, we've spent a lot of time with
these two guys, and they're not bad

mean, they can be rehabilitated, and if
you'll just walk with me out to the car,

I'm sure they can explain everything.

Ladies and gentlemen, Travis Tritt and
Trace Atkins.

Everybody in the wholesale block was
dancing to the jailhouse rock.

Spider Murphy played a tenor saxophone.

Little Joe was blowing on a slide
trombone.

Drummer boy from Illinois went crash
boom bang.

The whole rhythm section was a purple
gang. Everybody left a rock.

Everybody in the wholesale block was
dancing to the jailhouse rock.

Fat sack sippin' on a block of stone Way
over in the corner weepin' all alone

Warden said, buddy, don't you be no
square If you can't find a party, use a

wooden chair Let's rock Everybody, let's
rock

Everybody in the whole cell rock Oh,
dance it to the jailhouse

rock Dance it to the jailhouse rock
Dance it to the jailhouse rock

Everybody on.