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All right, next item. I got a memo from
the chief.
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He is tired of getting reports about
security guards falling asleep at their
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00:00:07,600 --> 00:00:08,600
station.
4
00:00:08,800 --> 00:00:11,280
Come on, guys, you're professionals.
This is embarrassing.
5
00:00:11,940 --> 00:00:15,700
From now on, if you want to take a nap,
get it sleeping, buddy.
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00:00:16,600 --> 00:00:20,560
That way, if one of you falls asleep,
the other one can make sure you don't
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caught.
8
00:00:23,140 --> 00:00:26,920
Okay, the last thing is the studio's
doing a movie about a security guard,
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some actor who's playing the lead is
going to be shadowing us for a few days
10
00:00:30,280 --> 00:00:31,280
research his role.
11
00:00:31,580 --> 00:00:34,400
He's supposed to be coming by here this
morning. Great, we're going to have some
12
00:00:34,400 --> 00:00:37,120
little pretty boy actor breathing down
our necks all week.
13
00:00:37,620 --> 00:00:38,620
Hi, everyone.
14
00:00:38,740 --> 00:00:45,700
Oh, my God,
15
00:00:45,720 --> 00:00:46,720
it's Waka!
16
00:00:46,860 --> 00:00:47,860
It's Waka!
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I call Chuck Norris as my sleeping
buddy.
18
00:01:01,590 --> 00:01:04,910
Hey, guys, you never guessed who's going
to be working side by side with me at
19
00:01:04,910 --> 00:01:06,610
the guard gate. Chuck Norris.
20
00:01:06,990 --> 00:01:08,610
He's doing a movie about security
guards.
21
00:01:08,850 --> 00:01:11,590
Well, what do you like? He seemed nice.
I mean, we only talked for a few
22
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seconds, but tomorrow we're going to be
hanging out with him all day.
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00:01:14,750 --> 00:01:17,850
Who knows? Maybe Chuck Norris and I are
going to become friends.
24
00:01:18,550 --> 00:01:20,470
Wow, Chuck Norris. Yeah.
25
00:01:20,750 --> 00:01:22,590
Our first date was a Chuck Norris movie.
26
00:01:22,930 --> 00:01:26,690
And if I remember correctly, I was
wearing that loose sweater, and 20
27
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into the movie, it was your hand that
was missing in action.
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00:01:30,960 --> 00:01:33,720
Hey, you know, Stanley School has that
auction coming up. Do you think Chuck
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could sign some stuff for it? No, no,
no, Kim. The poor guy's probably got
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people bothering him all the time.
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People wanting to take a picture with
him, people wanting him to sign stuff,
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people walking up and singing a theme to
Walker, Texas Ranger.
33
00:01:45,640 --> 00:01:48,780
Come on. Who remembers the theme to
Walker, Texas Ranger?
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In the eyes of a ranger, the
unsuspecting stranger had better know
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from wrong and right.
36
00:01:56,840 --> 00:02:00,700
Cause the eyes of the ranger are upon
you.
37
00:02:01,560 --> 00:02:04,320
Every wrong you do, he's gonna see.
38
00:02:05,500 --> 00:02:09,120
Cause if you are in Texas, look behind
you.
39
00:02:09,419 --> 00:02:12,320
Cause that's where the ranger's gonna
be.
40
00:02:25,290 --> 00:02:28,790
Although this commission has no choice
but to deny the requested military
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spending, all the evidence clearly shows
that there are no more American
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prisoners of war.
43
00:02:34,850 --> 00:02:35,930
Just a minute, Senator.
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We have a few men here who disagree.
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Are
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you
47
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okay? Yeah, I just... I just had this
weird dream.
48
00:02:52,810 --> 00:02:53,810
Oh, man.
49
00:02:54,040 --> 00:02:57,120
I can't believe I'm so excited about
working with technology tomorrow that
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having dreams about them.
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00:02:59,980 --> 00:03:03,260
Man, if they got it working, it would
really bust my chops.
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00:03:08,760 --> 00:03:09,240
In
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00:03:09,240 --> 00:03:18,000
the
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00:03:18,000 --> 00:03:21,620
eyes of a ranger, the unsuspecting
stranger.
55
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I'd better know the truth, not wrong
from right.
56
00:03:26,220 --> 00:03:30,440
Cause the eyes of the ranger all up on
you.
57
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He told me to listen to see.
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When you're in Texas, look behind you.
59
00:03:40,160 --> 00:03:43,300
Cause that's where the ranger's gonna
be.
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00:03:53,420 --> 00:03:56,620
Hi, I'm Chuck Norris. Today I'm going to
show you some exercises on the Total
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00:03:56,620 --> 00:03:57,620
Gym.
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00:04:00,700 --> 00:04:05,280
The Total Gym is the fastest and most
effective way to work out. The results
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00:04:05,280 --> 00:04:06,520
amazing. Right, Billy?
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00:04:07,300 --> 00:04:08,300
That's right, Chuck.
65
00:04:08,760 --> 00:04:09,860
Check this out.
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00:04:13,940 --> 00:04:14,939
See that?
67
00:04:14,940 --> 00:04:18,880
My friend Billy went from a keg to a six
-pack in just three short weeks.
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00:04:28,720 --> 00:04:31,780
Hey, Jim. Hey, Roy. What are you
reading?
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00:04:32,360 --> 00:04:35,860
Just going over the security guard
handbook in case Chuck has any
70
00:04:36,240 --> 00:04:39,800
Look at you, going all out of your way
to impress the guy.
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00:04:40,060 --> 00:04:41,140
That is bad.
72
00:04:43,320 --> 00:04:45,040
Are you wearing cologne?
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Yeah, it's French. You think you'll like
it?
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00:04:58,220 --> 00:04:59,220
Up for Chuck, huh?
75
00:04:59,260 --> 00:05:00,260
Oh, is that today?
76
00:05:02,180 --> 00:05:03,119
Hey, guys.
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00:05:03,120 --> 00:05:05,500
Hey, Chuck. Wow, look at you in our
uniform.
78
00:05:05,920 --> 00:05:08,780
Boy, somebody tries to walk out of here
with a ream of papers and post -its,
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00:05:08,800 --> 00:05:10,380
they are in for the surprise of their
life.
80
00:05:11,980 --> 00:05:13,920
Guys, I want to say thanks for letting
me observe.
81
00:05:14,460 --> 00:05:16,740
Now, I don't want you to do anything
special because I'm here.
82
00:05:16,980 --> 00:05:19,560
I just want to get a feel for what you
guys do day in and day out.
83
00:05:21,240 --> 00:05:22,240
Excuse me.
84
00:05:24,700 --> 00:05:25,700
Headquarter.
85
00:05:26,660 --> 00:05:27,660
Huh?
86
00:05:27,950 --> 00:05:28,950
We'll be right there.
87
00:05:29,790 --> 00:05:32,190
A woman's locked herself out of her
office in Bungalow 9.
88
00:05:32,530 --> 00:05:33,890
Looks like today starts early.
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00:05:37,930 --> 00:05:38,930
Let's roll.
90
00:05:42,390 --> 00:05:45,570
Oh, thank God. I'm late for a meeting
and I need my report.
91
00:05:45,930 --> 00:05:48,190
Mr. Savitsky's already called twice
looking for me.
92
00:05:48,410 --> 00:05:49,410
Calm down, ma 'am.
93
00:05:51,050 --> 00:05:53,030
I've got the situation under control
now.
94
00:05:54,850 --> 00:05:56,630
So is this a typical call for you guys?
95
00:05:56,850 --> 00:05:57,519
Uh, yeah.
96
00:05:57,520 --> 00:05:59,640
We're the guys they call when stuff like
this goes down.
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00:06:00,280 --> 00:06:04,040
That's our job. We put out the fires.
Well, not the actual fires. For that,
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00:06:04,040 --> 00:06:07,140
call the fire department. But if there's
a big blow -up, they call us.
99
00:06:07,640 --> 00:06:09,620
But not if something actually blows up.
100
00:06:10,480 --> 00:06:12,140
Then they would just call the fire
department again.
101
00:06:14,060 --> 00:06:16,580
Are you Chuck Norris? Uh, no, ma 'am.
102
00:06:17,080 --> 00:06:18,280
Brian Banks, security guard.
103
00:06:20,980 --> 00:06:22,580
All right.
104
00:06:24,340 --> 00:06:25,340
Here we go.
105
00:06:31,690 --> 00:06:32,690
I got it, ma 'am.
106
00:06:33,770 --> 00:06:34,770
Here we go.
107
00:06:35,570 --> 00:06:36,650
Jimmy, let me try.
108
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Stop it. I got it.
109
00:06:38,970 --> 00:06:41,710
Stop. Look, you broke it off in the
lock. You broke it off.
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00:06:42,490 --> 00:06:45,910
I really have to get to this meeting.
Don't worry, ma 'am. We'll send the
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00:06:45,910 --> 00:06:47,210
down as soon as we get the door open.
112
00:06:48,190 --> 00:06:51,470
You know, Chuck, sometimes in this job
you have to get a little physical.
113
00:07:01,320 --> 00:07:02,320
Let me try.
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00:07:07,020 --> 00:07:08,020
Ow.
115
00:07:09,280 --> 00:07:12,300
Oh. You know, it looks a lot easier when
you do it, Chuck.
116
00:07:13,100 --> 00:07:15,520
Well, that's because in a movie it's a
breakaway door.
117
00:07:16,400 --> 00:07:20,280
Now, I'm no carpenter, but I think that
door's made out of mahogany.
118
00:07:21,600 --> 00:07:23,540
I'm no doctor, but I think I broke my
foot.
119
00:07:24,980 --> 00:07:25,979
You know what?
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00:07:25,980 --> 00:07:26,980
Try it with my credit card.
121
00:07:27,220 --> 00:07:31,280
Look, you already tried. Let me try. Oh,
don't. Push me in front of Jack.
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Now push me. Oh, you talking about
pushing? Now push me. Okay, now go.
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00:07:58,410 --> 00:08:01,970
fight over Chuck Norris yourselves. I'm
out. What's your problem? This is crazy.
124
00:08:02,370 --> 00:08:04,990
This is the best job I've ever had and
I'm not going to lose it over something
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00:08:04,990 --> 00:08:08,910
stupid like this. I can't afford to.
There's too many people counting on me
126
00:08:08,910 --> 00:08:12,690
home. I've got a family to worry about
and I'm not going to lose it over
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00:08:12,690 --> 00:08:14,690
something like this. That's more
important to me than anything.
128
00:08:14,970 --> 00:08:18,210
There's too many people counting on me
at home. I've got a family to worry
129
00:08:18,210 --> 00:08:20,190
and that's more important than anything.
130
00:08:22,570 --> 00:08:25,770
What? That's the character, Jimmy.
That's the character I'm looking for.
131
00:08:26,030 --> 00:08:27,030
Really? Yeah.
132
00:08:27,710 --> 00:08:28,830
Hey, I've got to take off.
133
00:08:29,490 --> 00:08:31,490
Jimmy, why don't you come over to the
house tonight?
134
00:08:31,810 --> 00:08:34,710
What? Why don't you come over and hang
out and let me learn more about you.
135
00:08:34,770 --> 00:08:38,990
Okay. Sure, Chuck. Thanks, man. So,
Chuck, I don't have any plans tonight.
136
00:08:40,929 --> 00:08:41,929
Me either.
137
00:08:42,750 --> 00:08:44,550
Well, great. Why don't you two get
together and do something?
138
00:08:55,630 --> 00:08:58,410
Hi, I'm here to see Chuck. Oh, sure, you
must be Jimmy. Come on in.
139
00:08:58,650 --> 00:08:59,650
Yeah, okay.
140
00:09:00,110 --> 00:09:01,390
I'm Chuck's wife, Gina.
141
00:09:01,710 --> 00:09:02,649
Oh, wow.
142
00:09:02,650 --> 00:09:03,650
Good for him.
143
00:09:04,810 --> 00:09:08,530
I mean, I mean, I mean, good for you.
Good, you know, good for, good for all
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00:09:08,530 --> 00:09:09,530
you.
145
00:09:10,330 --> 00:09:12,970
Chuck will be out in a minute. He's in
the middle of his nightly ride.
146
00:09:13,190 --> 00:09:15,690
Oh, cool. What's he, uh, what's he got,
like a Harley or something?
147
00:09:16,030 --> 00:09:18,070
Chugga -chugga -chugga, choo -choo.
148
00:09:18,530 --> 00:09:20,590
Chugga -chugga -chugga, choo -choo.
149
00:09:20,970 --> 00:09:21,990
Chugga -chugga -chugga.
150
00:09:22,210 --> 00:09:23,450
Okay, last stop.
151
00:09:23,720 --> 00:09:24,720
Sleepy town.
152
00:09:28,380 --> 00:09:29,380
Oh,
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00:09:30,980 --> 00:09:32,540
I think it's time for bed.
154
00:09:34,700 --> 00:09:36,780
Say goodnight. It's time for bed.
155
00:09:37,500 --> 00:09:38,500
Goodnight, sweetheart.
156
00:09:39,300 --> 00:09:42,300
Goodnight. Wow, hey, Chuck, I didn't
realize you had a daughter.
157
00:09:42,500 --> 00:09:44,060
Yeah. Actually, I got twins.
158
00:09:44,340 --> 00:09:45,680
Her brother's asleep right now.
159
00:09:46,500 --> 00:09:47,500
Boy, they're a handful.
160
00:09:47,620 --> 00:09:49,400
How about you? Yeah, I got two boys.
161
00:09:49,680 --> 00:09:51,320
Either one of them and their terrible
tooth?
162
00:09:51,580 --> 00:09:52,580
Yeah, both.
163
00:09:52,640 --> 00:09:53,940
Unfortunately, they're five and seven.
164
00:09:55,300 --> 00:09:56,860
Well, grab a seat. Okay, sure.
165
00:09:57,520 --> 00:10:01,400
Can I get you something to drink? Uh,
yeah, yeah. I'd love a beer or
166
00:10:02,340 --> 00:10:03,340
Ah.
167
00:10:03,620 --> 00:10:07,140
Never thought I'd, uh, be in Chuck
Norris' living room.
168
00:10:07,340 --> 00:10:10,060
At least not without a star map and a
crowbar.
169
00:10:12,920 --> 00:10:16,040
I'm sorry, Jimmy. The only thing I have
in the fridge are these juice boxes.
170
00:10:17,660 --> 00:10:18,660
Oh.
171
00:10:19,360 --> 00:10:20,360
Harvest peach.
172
00:10:21,729 --> 00:10:24,170
Now, if you don't like that, I think I
got some Mary Berry's left.
173
00:10:24,430 --> 00:10:25,850
Uh, no, no.
174
00:10:26,190 --> 00:10:27,190
Peach is good.
175
00:10:42,530 --> 00:10:43,530
It's the spot.
176
00:10:45,450 --> 00:10:46,450
Now,
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00:10:46,870 --> 00:10:49,110
listen, Chuck, I know you've been
wanting to know everything there is to
178
00:10:49,420 --> 00:10:51,740
about being a security guard, so I've
given it a lot of thought.
179
00:10:52,060 --> 00:10:57,700
A lot of people make fun of security
guards, but the reality is that it can
180
00:10:57,700 --> 00:10:58,780
very dangerous job.
181
00:10:59,080 --> 00:11:02,780
And we really are the first line of
defense before the cops get there. And
182
00:11:02,780 --> 00:11:05,440
that's always in the back of your mind
when you're putting on the badge every
183
00:11:05,440 --> 00:11:08,940
morning. Because the truth is, bad
things could happen.
184
00:11:10,860 --> 00:11:12,800
Do you know the words to Little Bunny
Foo Foo?
185
00:11:17,420 --> 00:11:18,420
Excuse me?
186
00:11:18,430 --> 00:11:20,990
I'm sorry, but my kids keep asking me to
sing this song to them.
187
00:11:21,310 --> 00:11:24,150
And you said you had kids, and I thought
maybe you might know the words to it.
188
00:11:29,090 --> 00:11:32,350
Little bunny foo -foo hopping through
the forest.
189
00:11:32,570 --> 00:11:33,269
Hold on, hold on.
190
00:11:33,270 --> 00:11:34,270
Let me get a pen.
191
00:11:42,570 --> 00:11:44,810
Hey, I was hanging out with Chuck.
192
00:11:46,170 --> 00:11:47,170
I don't know.
193
00:11:47,450 --> 00:11:49,350
We just talked for a little while and
watched a movie.
194
00:11:49,590 --> 00:11:50,590
Was it fun?
195
00:11:51,970 --> 00:11:57,330
Yeah, I don't know, I guess. It just
wasn't what I expected. He's just a
196
00:11:57,330 --> 00:12:00,410
guy, a dad with kids. It was like
watching a movie with Greg.
197
00:12:02,530 --> 00:12:05,870
Really? Did Chuck pretend he had to go
to the bathroom doing the scary part?
198
00:12:08,390 --> 00:12:12,110
That was one movie, Christine, and I
happened to grow up in a house that may
199
00:12:12,110 --> 00:12:13,950
may not have had a poltergeist.
200
00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:21,240
Hey, Jimmy, it's Chuck.
201
00:12:21,400 --> 00:12:22,400
Oh, hey, Chuck.
202
00:12:23,560 --> 00:12:24,299
How's it going?
203
00:12:24,300 --> 00:12:27,160
Great. Hey, I forgot to ask you what
time I should meet you at the studio
204
00:12:27,160 --> 00:12:28,160
tomorrow.
205
00:12:28,260 --> 00:12:32,340
Well, my shift starts at 9, so I'll
probably get there around 9 .15.
206
00:12:34,900 --> 00:12:35,900
Okay, great.
207
00:12:37,080 --> 00:12:38,080
Look who's up.
208
00:12:38,360 --> 00:12:39,960
What are you doing up, sweetheart, huh?
209
00:12:40,180 --> 00:12:41,520
Come here. Come here to Daddy.
210
00:12:42,040 --> 00:12:46,040
Oh, Jimmy, you went through this not too
long ago. What do you do when your kids
211
00:12:46,040 --> 00:12:47,040
wake up in the middle of the night?
212
00:12:47,500 --> 00:12:51,020
I usually start snoring and hope I win
the fake sleeping contest with my wife.
213
00:12:53,180 --> 00:12:56,300
Hey, someone wants to say hi to you. Dan
Lee, you want to say hi to Jimmy?
214
00:12:56,600 --> 00:12:59,060
Okay. Okay. Say hi to him, sweetheart.
215
00:12:59,540 --> 00:13:00,540
Oh, no.
216
00:13:00,980 --> 00:13:03,940
Now Dakota's up. Keep talking to Dan
Lee, will you?
217
00:13:04,880 --> 00:13:05,880
Chuck, Chuck, no.
218
00:13:06,060 --> 00:13:07,420
Hello. Hi.
219
00:13:08,200 --> 00:13:09,200
Hi, Dan Lee.
220
00:13:09,580 --> 00:13:10,580
Okay.
221
00:13:11,040 --> 00:13:13,000
No. No, I don't think so.
222
00:13:13,740 --> 00:13:16,040
No, no. No, I really don't want to.
223
00:13:18,810 --> 00:13:19,810
No, don't cry.
224
00:13:20,350 --> 00:13:21,490
Don't cry.
225
00:13:22,650 --> 00:13:25,250
Please don't die. Little bunny foo -foo.
226
00:13:27,010 --> 00:13:29,530
Scooping out the field mice, bopping
them on the head.
227
00:13:33,830 --> 00:13:34,749
Hey, guys.
228
00:13:34,750 --> 00:13:35,689
Oh, hey, Chuck.
229
00:13:35,690 --> 00:13:39,130
Hey, Jimmy, I won't be able to shadow
you today, but I was thinking that if
230
00:13:39,130 --> 00:13:42,070
you're not doing anything for lunch, why
don't you meet me at Joey's Gym on
231
00:13:42,070 --> 00:13:45,550
Robertson? Ah, Joey's Gym. Cool. Okay,
great. Okay. All right, man.
232
00:13:45,930 --> 00:13:46,930
See you down there.
233
00:13:47,310 --> 00:13:49,490
Well, this is more like it, okay?
234
00:13:49,710 --> 00:13:53,330
I'm going to be working out with Mr.
Chuck Norris. I thought it was cool
235
00:13:53,330 --> 00:13:56,910
I'd be hanging out with Chuck Norris. I
never dreamed he'd actually take me down
236
00:13:56,910 --> 00:13:57,910
to the dojo.
237
00:13:57,930 --> 00:13:58,930
I did.
238
00:13:59,650 --> 00:14:03,570
Only in my dream, we both ate baskets
and baskets of fried clams.
239
00:14:06,770 --> 00:14:07,770
At the dojo?
240
00:14:08,950 --> 00:14:10,310
Oh, I thought you said hojo.
241
00:14:14,090 --> 00:14:17,390
And all I know is at lunch today, I am
going to be pumping iron at the gym with
242
00:14:17,390 --> 00:14:18,890
Mr. Chuck Norris.
243
00:14:24,070 --> 00:14:25,070
Hey, Jimmy, over here.
244
00:14:26,850 --> 00:14:28,050
I thought you'd bring your kids.
245
00:14:28,450 --> 00:14:32,010
Huh? Oh, never mind. I got two of them.
Come over here next to Dakota and grab a
246
00:14:32,010 --> 00:14:33,010
corner.
247
00:14:33,750 --> 00:14:35,890
You're just in time for the parachute
song.
248
00:14:58,120 --> 00:15:01,120
How much time with Chuck these past few
days? I didn't expect to see you. I
249
00:15:01,120 --> 00:15:03,100
decided I needed a little alone time.
250
00:15:05,260 --> 00:15:06,260
Don't answer that.
251
00:15:07,820 --> 00:15:08,920
Hey, Jimmy, it's Chuck.
252
00:15:09,300 --> 00:15:12,220
I just looked at three magazines and
can't get a straight answer.
253
00:15:12,840 --> 00:15:14,780
When do you go from divers to pull -ups?
254
00:15:15,280 --> 00:15:16,280
Call back.
255
00:15:17,800 --> 00:15:19,000
Why did you want to talk to him?
256
00:15:29,130 --> 00:15:30,130
You know what?
257
00:15:30,470 --> 00:15:31,970
I'm just going to take a chance. Bye.
258
00:15:35,470 --> 00:15:37,510
Jimmy, quick question. Do these wipes
dry out?
259
00:15:37,950 --> 00:15:41,330
Because I'm buying them in bulk, and it
seems like there's about 20 ,000 of them
260
00:15:41,330 --> 00:15:42,330
in there.
261
00:15:42,550 --> 00:15:43,550
Wait, wait.
262
00:15:43,610 --> 00:15:44,610
Inside the big box?
263
00:15:45,070 --> 00:15:47,370
They're just regular small packages.
We're cool. Later.
264
00:15:51,050 --> 00:15:53,850
Hey, it's me. Just realized my kids are
almost potty trained.
265
00:15:54,310 --> 00:15:56,370
I don't think I'm going to need 20 ,000
wipes.
266
00:15:57,170 --> 00:15:58,170
I'm not going to buy them.
267
00:15:59,020 --> 00:16:00,780
I guess I didn't have to call and tell
you that. Sorry.
268
00:16:04,300 --> 00:16:05,480
It's killing me, Christine.
269
00:16:06,140 --> 00:16:09,060
This isn't what I pictured when I
thought about hanging out with Chuck
270
00:16:09,160 --> 00:16:12,240
Come on, Jimmy. Is it really such a bad
thing that Chuck Norris is just a
271
00:16:12,240 --> 00:16:13,079
regular dad?
272
00:16:13,080 --> 00:16:15,300
I don't want to hang out with Chuck
Norris, the dad.
273
00:16:15,800 --> 00:16:17,540
I've got enough friends that are dads.
274
00:16:18,160 --> 00:16:20,620
I want to hang out with Chuck Norris,
the action hero.
275
00:16:21,720 --> 00:16:24,280
Well, what are you going to do, Jimmy?
Break up with him?
276
00:16:28,460 --> 00:16:29,980
How do you break up with Chuck Norris?
277
00:16:31,260 --> 00:16:33,780
I don't know. I guess I'm going to have
to take him to a public place. There
278
00:16:33,780 --> 00:16:34,800
won't be some big scene.
279
00:16:37,660 --> 00:16:41,140
Hey, Jimmy, do you know they have CDs
now where they put your kids' names in?
280
00:16:41,580 --> 00:16:42,580
Listen to this.
281
00:16:45,100 --> 00:16:49,620
Pretty cool, huh?
282
00:16:52,200 --> 00:16:53,200
Want to hear a prayer, Shaka?
283
00:16:53,940 --> 00:16:55,280
Dump him. We are so over.
284
00:17:04,720 --> 00:17:06,000
It's Gina calling me from home.
285
00:17:07,460 --> 00:17:08,560
She's sending me a picture.
286
00:17:09,880 --> 00:17:10,880
Oh, wow!
287
00:17:12,339 --> 00:17:13,339
Finally!
288
00:17:13,440 --> 00:17:16,300
Dakota's sitting on the potty, Jimmy.
Look at this. Dakota's sitting on the
289
00:17:16,300 --> 00:17:18,420
potty. Chuck, we need to talk.
290
00:17:19,560 --> 00:17:20,560
Okay.
291
00:17:23,119 --> 00:17:24,119
Listen, Chuck.
292
00:17:26,280 --> 00:17:28,119
This relationship isn't working out for
me.
293
00:17:29,640 --> 00:17:30,640
What do you mean?
294
00:17:31,020 --> 00:17:32,020
Well, I just...
295
00:17:33,350 --> 00:17:35,650
I thought hanging out with you would be
different, you know?
296
00:17:36,830 --> 00:17:40,430
I wanted to hang out with Chuck Norris,
the movie star, you know? Tough,
297
00:17:40,450 --> 00:17:41,450
dangerous.
298
00:17:42,730 --> 00:17:45,970
That's the Chuck Norris who holds up a
diaper and says, Jimmy, is it supposed
299
00:17:45,970 --> 00:17:46,970
be this color?
300
00:17:48,750 --> 00:17:49,750
What are you saying?
301
00:17:52,110 --> 00:17:56,250
I'm saying that maybe we should go our
separate ways.
302
00:17:57,070 --> 00:18:00,550
Maybe you should shadow someone else.
303
00:18:01,710 --> 00:18:03,990
Look, I can't live up to the way I am on
the screen, okay?
304
00:18:05,370 --> 00:18:08,290
I mean, really think about it, Jimmy. If
someone hit you over the head with a
305
00:18:08,290 --> 00:18:09,310
chair, you'd be in a coma.
306
00:18:13,170 --> 00:18:15,750
I'm sorry, Chuck. I guess I was just
hoping for something more.
307
00:18:16,590 --> 00:18:19,090
Well, the Chuck Norris you were hoping
for isn't a person, Jimmy.
308
00:18:19,630 --> 00:18:20,630
It's a persona.
309
00:18:21,470 --> 00:18:24,710
And I thought a down -to -earth guy like
you would see that and like me for who
310
00:18:24,710 --> 00:18:26,990
I am, but I guess I was wrong.
311
00:18:28,660 --> 00:18:31,540
I'm sorry I disappointed you. No, wait,
Chuck. All right, I'm sorry.
312
00:18:32,240 --> 00:18:33,780
Let's save it, okay? You've said enough.
313
00:18:34,660 --> 00:18:39,320
Sorry about that, buddy. Hey, look at
this. Chuck Norris. Excuse me.
314
00:18:40,040 --> 00:18:41,820
You think you're so tough, don't you?
315
00:18:42,080 --> 00:18:43,560
Look, nobody's looking for trouble,
okay?
316
00:18:43,900 --> 00:18:46,580
Well, what's the matter? I mean, you're
Chuck Norris. You're not supposed to
317
00:18:46,580 --> 00:18:48,540
take this crap from a dirtbag like me.
318
00:18:48,820 --> 00:18:49,820
Please don't poke me.
319
00:18:50,080 --> 00:18:53,020
You know what? Just leave him alone.
He's not the Chuck Norris you think he
320
00:18:53,080 --> 00:18:53,739
Oh, yeah?
321
00:18:53,740 --> 00:18:55,700
Not that tough in real life, are you?
322
00:18:57,800 --> 00:18:58,800
Now be nice.
323
00:20:01,900 --> 00:20:02,900
So long, Jimmy.
324
00:20:03,080 --> 00:20:07,380
Wait, wait, wait. Don't go. This is what
I was talking about. This is the Chuck
325
00:20:07,380 --> 00:20:08,920
Norris I wanted to hang out with.
326
00:20:09,980 --> 00:20:10,980
Sorry.
327
00:20:13,680 --> 00:20:14,680
You had your chance.
328
00:20:16,600 --> 00:20:17,600
Wait, Chuck.
329
00:20:18,880 --> 00:20:19,880
Chuck.
330
00:20:20,200 --> 00:20:21,200
I'm sorry.
331
00:20:36,380 --> 00:20:39,020
Hey, don't forget to stop at the store
and pick up some paper and some post
332
00:20:39,020 --> 00:20:42,220
-its. I don't need to stop at the store.
I snagged some stuff from the supply
333
00:20:42,220 --> 00:20:43,700
closet. No one will ever know.
334
00:20:43,960 --> 00:20:45,140
Oh, I beg to differ.
335
00:20:45,380 --> 00:20:46,380
Chuck Norris?
336
00:20:46,680 --> 00:20:48,100
Brian Banks, security guard.
26850
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