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Give it! No!
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It's mine!
3
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Dominic, let go of your brother.
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Not until he lets go of my toy.
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00:00:05,960 --> 00:00:06,960
Dominic!
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Dominic! Let go!
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Let go of me! Yeah, yeah, it's not so
fun when somebody's picking on you, is
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huh?
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Not until he lets go of Logan. Come on,
let go of him. Let go of him.
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Not until he lets go of Logan.
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Let go of him.
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Must have been an odd number of sausages
this morning.
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What are you guys doing? Just moving
some old boxes to the garage.
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What's in the boxes? Just some bank
statements, bill stubs, and tax files.
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you're ever curious what those things
look like, let me know.
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00:00:51,660 --> 00:00:54,380
You know something, Greg? Shouldn't you
be asking me for help instead of
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insulting me? I mean, I don't think I've
seen you strain that hard since you
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tried to prove you could do more push
-ups than Kim.
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Very funny. That was a while ago. You'd
be surprised how strong my back's gotten
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carrying around you and your family all
these years.
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Oh, well, that's that. I'll be watching
TV.
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Wait.
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Greg, what are you doing? You can't just
leave those there.
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Why not?
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Where am I going to park my car?
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Where's it parked now?
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On the street.
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I'd go with that.
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park on the street so our guest linens
can have a roof over their head. Come
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find a place for those.
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Fine.
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Okay, there. I'll be on the couch.
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What are we going to do with this box?
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Well, it's a low box.
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You can park right over it.
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All right, we're running out of room.
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I think we need to go through this stuff
for charity. You know, we should give
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away the stuff we don't use anymore.
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Okay, I'll start with the TV, the couch,
and my ass.
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Hey, here's some stuff we don't need
anymore.
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00:02:33,550 --> 00:02:35,650
You want to get rid of Sammy's old baby
clothes?
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Are you willing to commit right now to
the fact that we're never having any
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children?
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Sure, sure, why not?
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So basically, you're willing to get a
vasectomy just so you can go inside and
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sit on the couch.
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That's what it takes.
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All right, what is all this stuff?
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That's all my stuff before we moved in
together.
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00:02:56,470 --> 00:02:59,210
Oh, Greg, let's get rid of this stuff.
You haven't opened this since we were
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married. Well, what if I need some of
that stuff?
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00:03:02,170 --> 00:03:03,170
It's all junk.
53
00:03:03,690 --> 00:03:07,110
Do you really need a 1989 guide to youth
hostels?
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Half of these countries don't even exist
anymore.
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00:03:11,600 --> 00:03:14,760
Well, fine, fine. I'll get rid of all my
stuff, but you have to take it there.
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00:03:14,820 --> 00:03:17,300
I'm not spending Saturdays schlepping
around a bunch of boxes.
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Fine, I'll take you to the thrift shop.
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But if you're staying here, you need to
get Emily up from her nap, feed her,
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change her, and give her a bath.
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And I promised Demi we'd do an art
project together.
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Magic markers?
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Glitter and glue.
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00:03:29,700 --> 00:03:30,700
Give me the damn box.
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I have a whole carload of stuff I'd like
to donate.
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Yeah, yeah. Leave it out front. Here's
your tax receipt.
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Well, shouldn't you fill out how much
this stuff is worth? I already signed
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bottom. You put whatever you want.
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Well, that's just wrong. I mean, what if
everybody did that? Everybody does.
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00:04:03,010 --> 00:04:05,950
Well, do you know you could be arrested
and lose your job?
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I'm here because I got arrested and lost
my job.
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00:04:10,940 --> 00:04:15,340
Well, I'm not falsifying tax records.
I'm a CPA. I could lose my fee for that,
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and I'd be out on my A.
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The guy's got the opposite. He'll love
that one.
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Fine. Let's see what you got. Okay.
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All right.
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Assorted crap. $20.
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Hey, you can't just lump everything in
like that. You'd even look at what I
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Hey, come on, that's delicate. That's
one of the first Texas instrument
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calculators. Be careful with that.
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What, you're worried it's not going to
bring in the full nickel?
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00:04:49,240 --> 00:04:53,860
What is this, a raft or something? No,
that's my inflatable couch. Every Sunday
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in college, I used to watch football on
that thing, and I always passed out
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before the end of the game.
84
00:04:58,360 --> 00:04:59,960
I used to drink a lot in college, too.
85
00:05:00,160 --> 00:05:04,640
No, it had a slow leak. I'd spend every
commercial trying to blow it back up. By
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00:05:04,640 --> 00:05:05,840
the second half, I'd be like...
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That's my collection of mixtapes. Oh.
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Well, we probably can get a buck for the
key.
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Hey, hey, what are you doing? It took me
a long time to make those.
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00:05:21,280 --> 00:05:22,840
Greg's wild road trip.
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00:05:23,900 --> 00:05:25,240
Greg's three -mile run.
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00:05:26,400 --> 00:05:30,760
Greg's long, slow, hot bath. Actually,
that's a duplicate. The original got a
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little hot wax on it.
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What are you doing? You know what? Give
me those baths. Okay.
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Hey, hey, whatever.
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Hey, look,
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look, I'm sorry.
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Hey, why don't you go home and take a
long, slow, hot bath?
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Emily must be going through a growth
spurt or something. I feel like I'm
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whipping my breasts out every 15
minutes.
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It's like being married to Jimmy.
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At least Emily doesn't squeeze them
together and put glasses on them.
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Hey.
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Hey.
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Did you take everything to the thrift
shop?
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Yeah, yeah.
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Do you remember to get a receipt?
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Well, you know, I really don't believe
in that. I mean, is it really charity
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when you're asking the government for
money in return?
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Greg, I once saw you ask a homeless man
to sign a note verifying you gave him
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half a turkey sandwich.
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That was a liability issue, Kim. I mean,
I don't need somebody choking on a
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pickle and coming after my house.
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Did you pack it all up? Yes, most of
it's in the back. You know, I don't
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understand why I have to give all my
stuff to charity, too.
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00:07:04,700 --> 00:07:07,360
Because, Jimmy, we don't have any room,
and you don't use any of it.
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The only reason we let you keep that old
air hockey table was because we needed
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a place to change Logan's diapers.
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Why didn't you just put him on the bed?
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Because the bed doesn't have 200 little
air jets that give him that post -wipe
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blow -dry.
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Come on, Jimmy, I'll take you down to
the thrift shop. It's not as bad as you
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think. I know. I'm going to miss this
stuff, though. Trust me. You'll get over
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it.
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Yeah, Jimmy, you'll get over it. You
always do.
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Like... When you thought it was the end
of the world when they discontinued the
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McRib?
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Thanks a lot, Christine. I had forgotten
about that.
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Man, McRib.
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Even the bones are made of meat.
131
00:07:53,740 --> 00:07:57,420
Hey, Greg, I thought we were going to go
donate this stuff, okay? This is a
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storage facility.
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Are you going to tell me what's going
on?
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I'm not going to tell you.
135
00:08:03,240 --> 00:08:04,300
I'm going to show you.
136
00:08:07,840 --> 00:08:10,600
I can't believe it, man. You kept
everything?
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I know. My own little utopia. It's
perfect. Excuse me.
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Stupid couch.
139
00:08:23,880 --> 00:08:24,880
You okay?
140
00:08:28,840 --> 00:08:30,660
Yeah. Yeah, I...
141
00:08:31,150 --> 00:08:33,169
Probably not the best furniture for
somebody with asthma.
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00:08:34,470 --> 00:08:37,030
This is fantastic, man. This is like
your own clubhouse.
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Yeah, but here's the thing.
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00:08:38,970 --> 00:08:40,150
We can never tell Kim.
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00:08:40,450 --> 00:08:42,490
Why, are you keeping your porn in here
or something? No.
146
00:08:43,250 --> 00:08:45,870
What do you keep it, man? Because I've
been looking for it since we moved in.
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00:08:46,370 --> 00:08:49,290
Kim thinks all this stuff is stupid. I
just don't want her to know, okay?
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00:08:49,510 --> 00:08:52,070
Oh, hey, no problem, man. Hey, I'm just
touching you. Let me in on your little
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00:08:52,070 --> 00:08:55,430
secret. It was either that or get my own
air hockey table. Come on, let's plug
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00:08:55,430 --> 00:08:57,110
it in. Let's get it on. Oh, man.
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00:08:57,650 --> 00:08:58,950
Dude, this is so great.
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00:08:59,530 --> 00:09:02,370
Hey, how long do you think we got till
we gotta head back home? Well, if we
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00:09:02,370 --> 00:09:06,030
them it's traffic, I'm thinking we have
another 45 minutes, or as I like to call
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00:09:06,030 --> 00:09:09,030
it, the entire A -site of Greg's Spring
Break 88.
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00:09:10,890 --> 00:09:13,010
Get out of my dream.
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Get out of my dream.
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00:09:17,670 --> 00:09:18,670
Get out of my dream.
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Get out of my dream. Well, Greg, I think
we should shut this door.
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00:09:29,230 --> 00:09:30,230
Hey, man, where you been?
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00:09:33,510 --> 00:09:34,730
I was at the storage unit.
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00:09:35,350 --> 00:09:36,350
Again?
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00:09:36,570 --> 00:09:40,730
Yeah. Kim sent me out for groceries, so
I snuck over there for a half hour. I
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00:09:40,730 --> 00:09:43,450
hooked up my Atari 2600 to an old black
-and -white TV.
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00:09:45,090 --> 00:09:48,150
Man, why didn't you call me? Well, I
thought she might answer.
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00:09:48,590 --> 00:09:49,590
What game were you playing?
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00:09:49,770 --> 00:09:52,890
Defender. I almost hit high score, but I
thought I heard a rat, and I ran.
167
00:09:55,170 --> 00:09:57,050
Hey, you're back. What took you so long?
168
00:09:57,330 --> 00:09:58,770
You know, lines, traffic.
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00:09:59,300 --> 00:10:00,300
Depending the universe.
170
00:10:01,640 --> 00:10:04,960
Well, I finally finished all the thank
you notes for Emily's baby gift. All I
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00:10:04,960 --> 00:10:06,100
have to do is mail them out in the
morning.
172
00:10:06,360 --> 00:10:08,040
You know what? I can mail them. I can
mail them right now.
173
00:10:08,420 --> 00:10:10,340
Well, you just got back. I don't want to
make you go out again.
174
00:10:10,640 --> 00:10:13,580
Well, she's my daughter too, Kim. I'd
like to think that one day I would be
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00:10:13,580 --> 00:10:15,600
to tell her that I helped out with all
the thank you notes.
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00:10:16,100 --> 00:10:19,480
Greg, I filled out 75 thank you notes
while you sat on the couch and watched
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00:10:19,480 --> 00:10:20,480
real world marathon.
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00:10:21,900 --> 00:10:25,100
Kim, it's hard to look away when people
stop being polite and start getting
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real.
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00:10:26,640 --> 00:10:29,480
And I feel terrible about that. That's
why I'm going to mail all these tonight.
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00:10:29,600 --> 00:10:32,780
In fact, a few of the local ones I might
even deliver personally.
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I'll help.
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00:10:36,080 --> 00:10:37,520
Fine. Knock yourself out.
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00:10:40,880 --> 00:10:42,960
Jimmy, I need you to give the boys their
bath.
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00:10:43,600 --> 00:10:46,140
I can't. Can I help Greg mail these
envelopes?
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00:10:48,380 --> 00:10:50,120
Why does Greg need help mailing
envelopes?
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00:10:52,060 --> 00:10:53,720
Because he's family. That's why.
188
00:10:55,160 --> 00:10:59,940
Well, your boys are family, too, and
they just had a dog -do fight, so let's
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00:11:02,940 --> 00:11:03,940
There'll be other times.
190
00:11:04,140 --> 00:11:05,140
I know.
191
00:11:05,920 --> 00:11:06,920
Have fun.
192
00:11:07,440 --> 00:11:08,440
I will.
193
00:11:08,900 --> 00:11:09,900
Look out for the rat.
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00:11:24,270 --> 00:11:25,810
He said you went for lunch two hours
ago.
195
00:11:26,330 --> 00:11:28,450
I was blowing up the couch. I must have
passed out.
196
00:11:29,830 --> 00:11:32,570
Hey, this place is looking awesome.
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00:11:32,990 --> 00:11:37,110
I got to tell you, man, this is a pretty
sweet place. You got to be the only guy
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00:11:37,110 --> 00:11:38,590
smart enough to think of something like
this.
199
00:11:40,730 --> 00:11:41,549
What's that?
200
00:11:41,550 --> 00:11:42,550
Huh?
201
00:11:42,750 --> 00:11:44,150
Sounds like it's coming from in here.
202
00:11:53,360 --> 00:11:55,880
Nothing. We just heard the music coming
from in there, and I thought I'd
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00:11:55,880 --> 00:11:56,880
introduce myself.
204
00:11:57,300 --> 00:11:58,720
I'm your storage neighbor, Greg.
205
00:11:58,980 --> 00:11:59,980
I'm Jimmy.
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00:12:00,100 --> 00:12:01,680
Wow. Nice to meet you.
207
00:12:02,040 --> 00:12:04,500
What are you... What are you doing in
there?
208
00:12:05,740 --> 00:12:07,020
Why, what are you doing in there?
209
00:12:08,940 --> 00:12:12,060
Just hanging out with all my old stuff.
You know, playing some air hockey, some
210
00:12:12,060 --> 00:12:13,060
old video games.
211
00:12:13,200 --> 00:12:14,200
Oh, okay.
212
00:12:16,160 --> 00:12:18,340
That's why I come to listen to my record
collection.
213
00:12:18,660 --> 00:12:19,660
Oh, man.
214
00:12:19,680 --> 00:12:20,920
You got a lot of records.
215
00:12:21,360 --> 00:12:22,360
Yeah, I got everything.
216
00:12:22,730 --> 00:12:26,710
I got love songs, I got tender love
songs, sexy love songs.
217
00:12:28,290 --> 00:12:31,130
Curl up with your honey on a rainy
afternoon love song.
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00:12:31,950 --> 00:12:33,970
I bet your wife won't let me keep him in
the house.
219
00:12:35,990 --> 00:12:38,650
So does your wife know about this place?
220
00:12:38,950 --> 00:12:39,990
Nah, no idea.
221
00:12:40,550 --> 00:12:43,650
I'm here maybe three, four hours a day.
How do you get away with it?
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00:12:44,210 --> 00:12:45,670
She thinks I'm on dialysis.
223
00:12:48,590 --> 00:12:49,690
So what do you tell your wife?
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00:12:49,930 --> 00:12:52,830
Ah, different things. You know,
groceries, dropping off the mail.
225
00:12:53,110 --> 00:12:56,150
Yeah, see, you can get away with that
for a while, but pretty soon you're
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00:12:56,150 --> 00:12:57,310
to have to come up with something more
substantial.
227
00:12:58,010 --> 00:12:59,110
Yeah, you should talk to Howard.
228
00:12:59,390 --> 00:13:01,990
He started off the same way you did with
Aaron and stuff like that.
229
00:13:02,510 --> 00:13:03,810
He's kept it going for years.
230
00:13:04,130 --> 00:13:05,130
Who's Howard?
231
00:13:05,410 --> 00:13:06,410
You haven't met Howard?
232
00:13:06,530 --> 00:13:07,530
Huh.
233
00:13:24,860 --> 00:13:27,900
Hey, I'm Jimmy. I'm just visiting.
234
00:13:28,400 --> 00:13:30,600
So, uh, you're into Star Wars, huh?
235
00:13:31,500 --> 00:13:35,020
Oh, well, yeah, I like all sorts of
science fiction, but, uh, Star Wars.
236
00:13:35,780 --> 00:13:39,280
Man, how lucky are we to be alive during
this era? Yeah.
237
00:13:40,080 --> 00:13:42,340
Star Wars and Penicillin, we've had
quite a run.
238
00:13:43,420 --> 00:13:46,960
Hey, you know, I actually think I had
one of these action figures when I was a
239
00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:47,960
kid, huh?
240
00:13:49,160 --> 00:13:50,180
I'm sorry.
241
00:13:50,380 --> 00:13:53,460
It's just I have them all in their exact
positions from the Battle of Endor.
242
00:13:54,350 --> 00:13:55,510
It took me like two weeks.
243
00:13:58,590 --> 00:13:59,590
Okay.
244
00:14:00,250 --> 00:14:04,610
You know what? We got to get back to
doing what we were doing. Hey, nice
245
00:14:04,610 --> 00:14:05,449
you guys.
246
00:14:05,450 --> 00:14:10,550
Yeah. Oh, remember, Jedi only uses the
Force for knowledge and defense.
247
00:14:12,150 --> 00:14:14,530
Hey, preach into the choir.
248
00:14:16,970 --> 00:14:19,250
Can you believe those losers?
249
00:14:19,650 --> 00:14:21,330
Pathetic. That is truly pathetic.
250
00:14:21,710 --> 00:14:22,710
All right, man, listen.
251
00:14:22,810 --> 00:14:24,910
I'll see you at work. All right, I'll
see you in a bit. I'm just going to hang
252
00:14:24,910 --> 00:14:26,090
out here and straighten up a little.
253
00:15:06,380 --> 00:15:08,280
Uh, he went out. He said he had to run
some errands for you.
254
00:15:09,920 --> 00:15:10,920
That's so weird.
255
00:15:11,220 --> 00:15:15,140
What? It just seems like every night
he's asking to go do all my errands for
256
00:15:15,540 --> 00:15:16,540
This is terrible.
257
00:15:17,480 --> 00:15:20,040
Next thing you know, he'll be giving you
multiple orgasms.
258
00:15:22,340 --> 00:15:23,520
I'm not joking, Christine.
259
00:15:24,300 --> 00:15:26,740
I was cleaning out Greg's pocket so I
could do the laundry.
260
00:15:27,340 --> 00:15:30,280
I found this piece of paper with an
address on it. Let me see.
261
00:15:34,610 --> 00:15:36,050
149 Sotel, Unit B.
262
00:15:37,430 --> 00:15:39,430
Come on, Kim, what do you think? Having
an affair?
263
00:15:40,170 --> 00:15:42,130
Well, the address says bring battery.
264
00:15:45,710 --> 00:15:47,330
Well, that's a pretty lazy affair.
265
00:15:49,610 --> 00:15:51,270
I'm not sure this is funny, Christine.
266
00:15:51,650 --> 00:15:55,690
Oh, come on, Kim. I mean, I can't even
imagine Greg sleeping with another
267
00:15:55,990 --> 00:15:57,610
And the guy doesn't even have any porn.
268
00:15:59,030 --> 00:16:01,210
Trust me, we've been looking for it
since we moved in.
269
00:16:06,630 --> 00:16:08,210
Hello? Oh, hi, Greg.
270
00:16:09,530 --> 00:16:10,530
Oh.
271
00:16:10,750 --> 00:16:11,750
Okay.
272
00:16:12,490 --> 00:16:13,670
Sure, I'll see you when you get home.
273
00:16:14,750 --> 00:16:15,750
What'd he say?
274
00:16:15,790 --> 00:16:18,390
He said the one -hour photo place messed
up the film. He's gonna be another
275
00:16:18,390 --> 00:16:19,390
hour.
276
00:16:19,570 --> 00:16:20,570
Yeah, so?
277
00:16:20,830 --> 00:16:22,490
Kind of like he was at a parade or
something.
278
00:16:25,830 --> 00:16:27,770
You know what? I'm gonna go find out
what's going on.
279
00:16:28,610 --> 00:16:32,430
Hey, if it turns out Greg's one of those
guys with two separate families, see if
280
00:16:32,430 --> 00:16:34,030
the other family has a bigger guest
house.
281
00:17:01,930 --> 00:17:02,889
What are you doing?
282
00:17:02,890 --> 00:17:06,650
I... You were... It's not what you
think.
283
00:17:08,630 --> 00:17:09,630
Oh, good.
284
00:17:10,069 --> 00:17:12,990
For a second there, I thought you were
playing air hockey with a giant monkey.
285
00:17:14,530 --> 00:17:15,609
I'm not a monkey.
286
00:17:16,150 --> 00:17:17,150
I'm a Wookiee.
287
00:17:18,250 --> 00:17:20,650
Howard, Howard, maybe you should leave.
288
00:17:23,250 --> 00:17:26,670
You thought Sharper Image would charge
$1 ,200 for a monkey suit?
289
00:17:32,110 --> 00:17:33,950
This is all your stuff from the garage,
isn't it?
290
00:17:34,170 --> 00:17:37,090
I'm sorry. I just couldn't give it to
those people at the thrift store.
291
00:17:38,150 --> 00:17:41,470
Greg, you had me thinking all kinds of
things. I found this address in your
292
00:17:41,470 --> 00:17:42,890
pants. I thought you were cheating on
me.
293
00:17:43,110 --> 00:17:45,430
Kim, I would never cheat on you. I'd
lose half my house.
294
00:17:47,330 --> 00:17:48,810
And all of you.
295
00:17:52,770 --> 00:17:56,230
Greg, you are cheating on me. You're
cheating on me with your old stuff. Oh,
296
00:17:56,230 --> 00:17:59,390
come on. You're sneaking off to spend
time here instead of with your family.
297
00:17:59,430 --> 00:18:00,430
Isn't that cheating?
298
00:18:00,620 --> 00:18:03,760
Well, if it is, I've wasted a lot of
time playing air hockey when I could
299
00:18:03,760 --> 00:18:04,760
been having sex.
300
00:18:06,480 --> 00:18:09,280
You know, if this stuff was that
important to you, then why didn't you
301
00:18:09,280 --> 00:18:10,460
something in the first place?
302
00:18:11,300 --> 00:18:14,720
Well, I didn't know it was important to
me until I took it to the thrift shop,
303
00:18:14,820 --> 00:18:16,100
and I couldn't give it away.
304
00:18:16,380 --> 00:18:19,520
So why didn't you come home and tell me?
I don't know. I don't know.
305
00:18:20,580 --> 00:18:25,060
I guess I was embarrassed. I was worried
that maybe if I told you I wanted to
306
00:18:25,060 --> 00:18:26,640
keep the stuff that you would make fun
of me.
307
00:18:27,600 --> 00:18:31,180
And here at this... concrete bunker
underneath the freeway, we don't judge
308
00:18:31,180 --> 00:18:32,180
other.
309
00:18:34,360 --> 00:18:35,760
I wouldn't judge you.
310
00:18:36,900 --> 00:18:39,120
I've got a few thoughts about Monkey Boy
over there.
311
00:18:40,380 --> 00:18:41,760
I would never judge you.
312
00:18:42,040 --> 00:18:43,400
But you said all this stuff was junk.
313
00:18:43,680 --> 00:18:44,680
I'm sorry.
314
00:18:44,720 --> 00:18:47,620
That's before I knew it was important to
you. You hadn't looked at it in ten
315
00:18:47,620 --> 00:18:48,620
years.
316
00:18:48,820 --> 00:18:51,320
But if it's important to you, it's
important to me, too.
317
00:18:51,560 --> 00:18:55,320
So what are you saying? I can keep all
this stuff?
318
00:18:55,700 --> 00:18:59,570
Yeah. But not here. I don't want you
leaving the house to see your stuff.
319
00:19:01,950 --> 00:19:03,290
So I'm bringing the stuff home?
320
00:19:04,330 --> 00:19:05,490
Yeah, why not?
321
00:19:06,410 --> 00:19:09,750
We'll bring the other boxes in here and
we'll set your stuff up in the garage.
322
00:19:10,070 --> 00:19:11,290
Really? Yeah.
323
00:19:11,870 --> 00:19:15,850
Just promise me that if you're going to
hang the Bananarama poster that you'll
324
00:19:15,850 --> 00:19:17,250
keep the garage door shut.
325
00:19:18,850 --> 00:19:21,130
I wouldn't judge you, but the neighbors
might.
326
00:19:22,990 --> 00:19:23,990
Thank you.
327
00:19:29,680 --> 00:19:33,640
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It's just, you
don't know how many nights I've sat here
328
00:19:33,640 --> 00:19:37,540
wishing my wife would come down and tell
me to pack up the Millennium Falcon and
329
00:19:37,540 --> 00:19:38,540
come home.
330
00:19:43,680 --> 00:19:44,680
Hey.
331
00:19:44,980 --> 00:19:47,520
Well, I set up all my old stuff in the
garage.
332
00:19:48,300 --> 00:19:50,500
See, it's just as good as when you had
your own storage space.
333
00:19:50,740 --> 00:19:51,740
Yeah.
334
00:19:52,900 --> 00:19:53,900
Almost.
335
00:20:11,790 --> 00:20:16,350
You don't know what you've got until
it's gone.
336
00:20:16,930 --> 00:20:18,490
And I found out.
27614
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