All language subtitles for yes_dear_s03e03_sammys_independence

Oh, Billy, I'm telling you, I hit that
ball at least 380 yards. It was right

after the green.

No, I didn't use my driver. I used a
baseball bat.

Well, I don't care if it's legal. I
crushed it.

Jimmy, what are you doing? No, no, no.
You don't understand, man. I didn't even

use a tee.

Yeah, I just threw it up in the head. It
went like a lot.

Jimmy. I am on the phone. Get off the
counter.

Uh, listen, Daddy's home. I'll call you
back later.

We have eight chairs in this kitchen.
Why do you have to sit on the counter?

What difference does it make where I
sit?

Because we prepare food on that counter.
Now it's got Jimmy ass all over it.

Well, it's not like I'm not wearing
pants. You're being stupid.

Hey, guys.

Where's my sandwich?

Nathan sent me a jelly sandwich. Jimmy,
did you eat it?

Oh, yeah. You know, automatically it's
me, right? Because Jimmy eats

food. And Jimmy dirties up the counter.
Well, guess what?

I didn't eat your sandwich, and as you
can see, your counter is fine.

I'm not the big slob everybody thinks I
am.

It's on my butt, isn't it?

Yep. How'd you know?

Starting to feel the jelly.

Ladies, I am the great pirate captain,
Willie Stargell.

Somewhere out there in the barren desert
sands of the West Los Angeles

Recreational Center, I have buried me
treasure, a bright, shiny quarter.

Good luck, ladies.

Go get them.

Enjoy your paper, honey?

You're never going to find that quarter.

What do you know?

I used it to buy the paper.

Watch your step, buddy. Easy does it.
Look out, Sammy. There's spider webs

there. I don't see the spider. Kim, keep
your eye out for the spider.

Yeah, okay.

Funny. Very funny. You know, spiders can
be very dangerous.

There once was a little boy who got
bitten by a spider, and his body went

through some bizarre changes.

Greg, stop scaring him. Sammy, Spider
-Man isn't real.

Spider -Man? I'm talking about me at
sleepaway camp.

My ankles ballooned up like grapefruits.
My larynx swelled shut.

I did get to ride in a helicopter,
though.

Greg, I think Sammy wants to go in the
tunnel.

All right, I got him. I'm right behind
you, Sammy.

Excuse me, there's a line.

Oh, man, you really shouldn't be eating
jelly in there, son. Hello?

Muchacho?

No como.

What?

What a fun

day. Sammy got to play at the park and
see his father squeal like a stuck pig.

Yeah, was, um, all that screaming
necessary?

I wasn't screaming because I was stuck.
I was screaming because some kids were

trying to loosen me up with their own
spit.

doing in that tube in the first place. I
mean, those things are made for kids.

Said the man with more Pokemon cards
than credit cards.

You know, go ahead and laugh, but I got
a Pikachu in mint condition that's gonna

put my boys through college.

I was just making sure Sammy got through
the tube okay.

Yeah, we don't like him running around
the jungle gym by himself.

That rope ladder's pretty high off the
ground. Some of the slides are pretty

steep. Yeah, it's a real Everest out
there.

He doesn't have to hold his hand every
second. You know, Logan is the same age

as Sam, and we've let him play at the
playground by himself.

Yeah, I mean, what's the big deal if he
gets a couple bumps and bruises? I mean,

we're raising children, not veal.

So you guys sit there and read the paper
instead of playing with your kids

because you're good parents?

Or is that a theory you came up with
just so you wouldn't feel guilty about

being lazy?

Hey, that is ridiculous, right? We never
feel guilty about being lazy.

Look, maybe you guys just don't see
yourselves, but you are all over him. I

never seen you let him do anything on
his own. Oh, Sammy does plenty of stuff

his own.

You don't even let him watch a blues
clue tape by himself.

Because I like to talk to him and ask
him questions about what we're watching.

Greg, how about the way you push him on
his tricycle? He doesn't even pedal.

He likes to go fast. We have fun.

Okay, fine. But, you know, you should at
least let Sammy go to the bathroom by

himself.

That's all.

because i need to hold on to him you
know to help him aim yeah that's right

hold it for him when he goes his
shoulders i hold his shoulders

if i don't he goes everywhere maybe i
should hold your shoulders

As we learned from the Picasso paintings
at the museum, there are no rules in

art. Well, you remember Picasso, Sammy.

That really interesting painting where
the cockeyed lady had four boobies?

Greg, those were peaches.

I'll say.

Today's project is going to be to draw a
picture of your own face. It's called a

self -portrait.

Oh, this is going to be fun. You're
going to be my little Vincent Sam go.

Greg, why don't you straighten this
paper out for him and I'll pick out some

crayons. Okay, the first thing we're
going to do is draw a big circle.

Okay, Sammy, you know circles.

A clock is a circle. A bicycle tire is a
circle.

It might be a good idea to let him do it
on his own. It doesn't matter how it

looks.

Okay, sure.

Look what a good job you're doing and
all by yourself.

Kim, maybe we shouldn't help.

What? Well, she did say not to.

Oh, come on. What is she, 21? What does
she know about children?

Kim, she's the teacher. We should listen
to her.

Oh, please. You're just mesmerized by
her little half -shirt and turquoise

button ring.

That's ridiculous.

It's an opal.

And after you have this baby, you're
getting one.

Kim, seriously, none of the other
parents are helping their kids.

Yeah, and look at what they're drawing.

Gribble. Our little Sammy's picture is
going to be perfect.

Dinner was wonderful, Sam.

I'm glad you liked it.

I've really been hoping you'd ask me out
for a long time.

Yeah, I'm glad I did.

Do you know why I wanted to sit in the
back row?

Why?

Use your tongue, Sammy. Use your tongue.

Put down the crowns and let him draw his
own picture. Our child will learn to

tongue kiss on his own. Thank you.

Here, Sammy, I brought you some napkins.

Honey, could you pass me a napkin?

Mmm,

good quesadilla, huh?

Muy bueno.

So this is it, huh?

You're not talking to me anymore?

Just for the rest of the day, a week,
the rest of our lives? What am I looking

at here?

You want me to talk?

Fine.

We could talk about how humiliated I was
when you screamed at me in the middle

of our class.

Or we could talk about how one of the
other mothers stopped me on the way out

and slipped me the number to a battered
woman's shelter.

Or we could talk about these yummy
quesadillas.

Look, I'm just saying maybe we don't let
Sammy do enough things on his own. Oh,

so all of a sudden you think that Jimmy
and Christine know more about parenting

than we do?

Well, I'm sorry, but isn't it a
possibility that Jimmy and Christine

right? Sure it is. The topics are
monster truck trivia and things you can

Sears that'll get you high.

It's not just you. I'm guilty of it,
too.

I do a lot of things for him. I even
brush his teeth for him. Good. If he

doesn't brush his teeth right, they're
going to fall out. Kim, they are baby

teeth. We could polish and detail them
every night, and they're still going to

fall out.

Greg, eventually we'll stop helping him.
But right now he's three years old.

It's our job as parents to teach him how
to do things.

Oh, you've got a little guacamole on
your chin, Mr.

Samalicious.

Well, could you at least stop with the
baby talk? His name is Sam, not

Samalicious, not Green Eggs and Sam, and
most certainly not Samalama Ding Dong.

Oh, I haven't called him that since he
was potty trained.

Remember that, Sammy?

Who put the poop in the dipey, dipey,
dipey? All

right,

boys, now listen.

That quarter's still up. there
somewhere. Let's dig a little deeper

soldiers. Come on.

Don't you feel at least a bit guilty
about lying to your kids?

Eh, you know, you're right.

That was a dime, wasn't it? Stop judging
me.

Hey, um, listen, you want to try
something new today, buddy?

You want to be a big boy and go play by
yourself?

Okay. Okay.

Well, be careful.

Greg, is that you?

I almost didn't recognize you without a
little boy growing out of your arm.

I've been thinking about it.

Maybe we do smother Sam a little.
Probably be good for him to do some

without me and Kim breathing down his
neck all the time. You know, you have a

valid point. In fact, I think it was
mine.

Wait a second. He's going into the
goblin maze.

He's never been in there before. Greg,
just relax, okay?

It's a public park. The only really
scary thing here is the men's room.

Yes, you're right.

He'll be fine.

Look, he just went right into the maze.
It's like he's not scared at all. See,

everybody wins, okay? Sammy gets his
first taste of independence.

You get to kick back and relax.

Ah, they're playing my song.

Yeah, I'd go for some ice cream.

No, I meant, would you treat?

What? I got you the ice cream last time,
remember?

I said, Greg, I'm going to get some ice
cream. Would you like some? You were

getting him out of my freezer.

Fine, I will buy.

I have to admit, this is great. For
once, I can be at the park and not have

run around with all the kids. I can be
an adult.

Oh, can I get the green one with the
alien -shaped gumball nose?

We'll take two of those.

Got it. Oh, my God. Sammy just hit his
head. Hold on, Sammy. Daddy's coming.

They're dying short.

All right, Sammy, we're going to have to
keep the ice on there for a little

while. Does it still hurt?

Yeah. I'm just glad he stopped crying.

I was worried about my son.

Oh, my God, what happened?

Sammy fell off the road bridge at the
park.

Where were you?

I was getting ice cream. He made me get
ice cream.

He's got a little lump on his head. He's
going to be fine. This is all your

fault. He needs more independence. Let
him do whatever he wants.

Okay, you know what? You're right.

I'm wrong. You know, if you really want
him to be safe, why don't you...

Wrap him up with bubble wrap, tape him
up, and put him back in Kim's uterus.

Well, maybe we will.

I can't believe you left him
unsupervised. You can't believe it. I

it. Have a juice box.

Yes, you can have a juice box. I'll get
it for you, buddy.

We should wash our hands.

You were right, Kim. I mean, you were
absolutely right. We can't push him.

three years old.

And here I am letting him run around on
the road bridge like he's Indiana Jones.

Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid.

At least it was just a bump on the head.

Could have been a lot worse.

Could have lost a tooth or an eye.

Here, here, Sammy, let me put that straw
in for you. Well, I'll tell you one

thing, it's not going to happen again.
Because from now on, we're staying on

stand.

After I sifted the tattoo and chopped
off it.

Can I have a yogurt, please?

Yeah, you want a yogurt? Sure.

We don't have to keep him on the fan. We
just have to make sure we hold his hand

while he's in the jungle, Jim.

Hey, look, I'm going to go clean the
throw -up out of my car.

Oh, my God, you threw up?

No. I was worried about my son.

That's some fantastic bump you got
there.

Don't worry, Mommy will take care of
you.

Hi, Logan.

want to let you know i've done this
procedure many times it's actually

simple man we should have you back on
your feet tomorrow or next day at the

latest you just finish washing my hands
here and we can get started

hang

on sam do you have to make pb first

No. Are you sure?

I mean, because it's going to be a long
operation.

Maybe you should try it.

Okay.

I'll be right back.

I'll go help him aim.

Don't worry. She's going to hold his
shoulders.

The juice popped in a yogurt all by
himself.

He didn't need any help. So?

I think I just... I can't believe he can
get lunch for himself.

Who said it's for him?

Thanks, baby.

How much money did you put in that tip
jar?

A couple bucks.

What? It's a restaurant. They work hard.

Really? I filled the drinks, got the
sauce, and had to pick up the food when

it's ready. If you're going to tip
anyone, tip me.

I would, but I don't particularly like
your attitude.

Besides, you forgot to get Sammy
napkins.

You know what?

Maybe we should let Sammy get his own
napkin.

Yeah, right.

I know we've been back and forth about
this, but maybe we should start to let

Sammy get some stuff on his own.

Yesterday, I watched Logan put a straw
in a juice box all by himself.

Yeah, but Logan's older than Sammy. Just
by a month.

Really?

Then why is Logan so much bigger?

Probably because he can feed himself.

Logan also washed his hands by himself,
got a yogurt, opened it up. Oh, Sammy's

never done any of that. I know, because
we don't let him.

Sammy, you want to go get a napkin all
by yourself?

Okay.

It's over there on the table, sweetie.

Look at him, going away a baby, coming
back a boy.

Bubbles!

Still needs his crop. You know what?

I'll...

Kim.

Kim. There's a spider on the table.

So?

Well, could you kill it?

I could.

But would that really be helping you?

Maybe Sammy's not the only one around
here who needs to start to learn to do

some things on his own.