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Long day?
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Very.
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Plus, I got no sleep last night.
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All that kicking and moving around.
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What, the baby's kicking already?
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No, Greg fell asleep watching Footloose.
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Dominic, what are you doing? You know
you're not supposed to play Uncle Greg's
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guitar. Aunt Kim said I could.
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Hey, Kim, did you tell him he could play
Greg's guitar?
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No, but he can't play any worse than
Greg.
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My last ultrasound, the baby had his
thumbs in his ears.
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Dominic, he didn't give you permission.
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You lied, Dominic, and you lied right to
my face.
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No, I didn't. No, I just did it again.
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You know what, Dominic, just go to your
room. I can't deal with you right now.
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Dominic lied?
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He never lies.
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I know.
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It's this new thing with him. I mean,
that's his fourth lie this week.
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And five if you count Friday when he
said he liked your gazpacho.
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Doesn't like my gazpacho? Nobody likes
your gazpacho, Kim. It's cold soup.
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Can we end the charade?
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I was just trying to give your family a
little culture.
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I bet if I shoved it in a hot pocket and
smothered it in Velveeta, the four of
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you would be out back wrassling over it.
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Come on, give me another one. I'm sick
of playing. Okay, one more and I'll
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Anthony Hopkins. Okay, what would it be?
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Sir Anthony Hopkins was in Silence of
the Lambs with Jodie Foster, who was in
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Maverick with Mel Gibson, who was in
Lethal Weapon with Gary Busey, who was
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DC Cab, which brings us back to who?
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Mr. T.
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You try this again tomorrow, and I swear
I'll put in one of Kim's books on tape.
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I have the ya -ya sisterhood, and I'm
not afraid to use it.
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Hi, guys.
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Kim. Oh, there's my baby.
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Oh,
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feels good to strap on the old axe.
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If I could save time at a bar...
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If I could say... You
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did it
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again?
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Even I didn't start lying that young.
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Really? I don't have to lie. I was even
younger.
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See what happens? Once you start,
there's no stopping.
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You gotta do something. It's like the
fourth lie this week.
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Or the fifth, if you count. Everybody
hates the gazpacho.
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Look, it's fine if you want to give
Salsa a fancy name, but at least serve
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with some chips.
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00:02:58,440 --> 00:03:01,760
Well, I don't know what we're going to
do, Jimmy. I keep punishing him, he
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lying. Nothing seems to work.
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Maybe it's time I got a little tough on
him.
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Oh, yeah, you're going to get tough on
him?
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Please, you let him stay up past his
bedtime, you let him eat whatever junk
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wants. And you're never hard on him
because all you care about is that he
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around telling everybody that you're his
best friend. Oh, that's ridiculous,
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okay? I'm his father, and if I have to,
he really tells people I'm his best
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friend?
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Yes, because you don't punish him. I do.
It doesn't even seem to bother him.
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Well, you know what? Things are about to
change around here, okay? He's
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obviously not scared of you, so now Big
Bad Daddy's going to have to go in there
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and lay down the law.
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I'm not going to stand for this kind of
crap.
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I'm going to march into his room, I'm
going to get into his face, and I will
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scare the hell out of him.
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You know, we always complain about guys
not being sensitive enough, but I gotta
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say, it's kind of hot seeing our
animalist masculine side come out.
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I'm being followed by a moon shadow.
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Moon shadow, moon shadow.
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I wouldn't know.
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Dominic, do you know why I'm here right
now?
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Don't act like you don't know the
answer. I'm here because I'm mad.
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Now, why did you lie?
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Because I didn't want to get in trouble.
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Yeah? Well, you're in trouble now,
mister.
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Okay? You've been getting off light with
your mom, but now you went and woke the
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bull.
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You know what happens when you wake the
bull?
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Ask me what happens, Dominic.
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What happens? When you wake the bull,
you get the horns.
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Now, trust me, if you lie again, you are
going to get punished by me. And
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believe me, it will be far worse than
any punishment you have ever had. You
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understand? Yes. Yes, what?
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Yes, bull.
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Well, I don't think we have to worry
about Dominic lying anymore.
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It makes you so sure.
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Hey, how's the commute now that you guys
are riding to work together?
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Uh, it's kind of a push. We saved 20
minutes because of the carpool lane. We
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lose 20 minutes because of the drive
-thru lane.
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00:06:05,070 --> 00:06:08,810
Christine, our next car has got to have
heated seats like Greg's. Feel my
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00:06:08,810 --> 00:06:10,050
chalupas. They're still warm.
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Jimmy, these are gorditas.
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I know.
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Feel my chalupas.
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Dominic lied again.
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What? Yeah.
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I asked him if he cleaned his room
before he went out to ride his bike, and
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lied. I can't believe this. Where is he?
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I told him to wait for you in his room.
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Well, good.
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Good. You know, I didn't want to have to
come to this, but obviously he's not
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taking this seriously. So here we go.
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Here we go.
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What?
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I don't really know what to do.
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00:07:02,800 --> 00:07:05,680
you were going to do? Yeah, I was kind
of vague. I just said, you know, if you
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wake the bull, you'll get the horns.
107
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So? Give him the horn.
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I don't even know what that means.
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Great, Jimmy.
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What are you going to do now? Your seven
-year -old son has called your bluff
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and you got nothing.
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I don't know. We need to come up with
something big. I know. I'll tell him if
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lies again, I'll give him this.
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What is that?
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I don't know.
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Don't you think it's scarier than this?
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he's doing. He's testing us. Yep.
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There comes a point in every parent's
life where they have to either put up or
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shut up. I don't know what we're going
to do, Jimmy. I mean, the toys didn't
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work. Yelling at him didn't work. Taking
away TV didn't work.
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What do you think? Maybe we have to
spank him?
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Spank him?
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Who are we? Bill Cosby?
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Bill Cosby? Bill Cosby didn't spank his
kids.
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Who am I thinking of? Bing Crosby.
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hitting our kids all i know is that my
father spanked me when i was a little
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and helped keep me in line and look i
don't want to have to do it either but
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nothing else is working all i know is i
would never ever spank a child no matter
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what he did okay hold on what what are
you saying you'd never spank sammy
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00:08:26,150 --> 00:08:30,660
no i'm just saying never is a pretty big
word kim You were the one that said you
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would never listen to rap music, but who
was folding clothes yesterday, and I
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walked in on them, and they were singing
H to the Izzo, V to the Izzay.
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They played in my step class.
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And we're never spanking Sammy.
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And that's the shizzle -ma -nizzle.
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Look, you know, I did read an article
that spanking's making a comeback.
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What makes me think that that article
started with Dear Penthouse Forum?
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What if Sammy stole something? What?
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Would you spank Sammy if he stole
something? No.
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00:09:04,680 --> 00:09:08,360
What if he stole a car? A nine -year
-old in Long Beach stole a car.
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We're never spanking him.
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You're right.
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You're right.
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What if it was a cop car?
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Look, Christine, if we don't do
something big, he may never listen to us
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Well, I gotta say, I mean, I took my
parents seriously when they spanked me.
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Our parents didn't spank us.
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No, they didn't spank you. They spanked
me plenty.
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Kidding. I remember you getting in
trouble all the time, but I can't think
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anything so bad you deserved being hit.
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They spanked me when I cut off all your
hair while you were sleeping.
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God, I forgot about that.
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Look,
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different things work for different
kids.
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Well, it worked for me. I mean, maybe we
do need to spank him.
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Do you guys even hear each other?
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Yes, Kim, it's not acting like we're
lunatics who are doing this in anger.
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00:10:00,430 --> 00:10:03,550
like we're navigating our way through
difficult waters in the best, most
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way we know how.
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Gee, he's so good with words. I don't
see why he needs to hit like an animal.
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00:10:09,590 --> 00:10:12,870
I don't know, Jimmy. I mean, do we
really want to be parents who spank? Do
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really want to be parents who have no
control over their kids?
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No.
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All right, I think I have to do it.
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00:10:20,310 --> 00:10:22,370
Hey, as long as you guys are doing this,
can Sammy watch?
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Kim, if we're not going to spank him, he
should at least know it's out there.
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00:10:41,990 --> 00:10:44,490
I thought you weren't going to lie
anymore.
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Yeah, I forgot.
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It wasn't a big one.
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They're all big ones.
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Look, Dominic, you obviously aren't
taking this seriously, so now...
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I'm going to have to do something that
neither one of us is going to enjoy.
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I'm going to have to spank you.
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00:11:02,430 --> 00:11:03,430
Yeah, right.
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00:11:07,330 --> 00:11:08,530
I'm not kidding, Dominic.
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Lying is a big deal.
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So from now on, every time you lie,
you're going to get spanked. I don't
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get spanked. Well, you know what? You
should remember that the next time you
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think about lying. Now come over here.
Let's get this over with.
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I mean, what if Sammy stole a tank?
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For God's sake.
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00:12:31,160 --> 00:12:34,340
Well, it just seems to me if he stole a
tank and we didn't spank him, that would
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be irresponsible parenting.
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Fine, Greg. If Sammy steals a tank, then
you can spank him.
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00:12:59,240 --> 00:13:01,680
Of course, if he steals the tank, that's
really more of a problem for the police
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00:13:01,680 --> 00:13:02,680
now, isn't it?
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00:13:09,140 --> 00:13:10,140
Hey.
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I guess he hates me now.
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00:13:13,900 --> 00:13:14,900
Whoa.
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00:13:15,600 --> 00:13:16,920
Wait, you're still Logan's favorite?
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00:13:19,240 --> 00:13:21,820
He's easy. You can steal him with a
cupcake and a tickle fight.
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00:13:23,420 --> 00:13:24,420
That's how I got you.
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00:13:27,040 --> 00:13:28,320
I mean, you did what had to be done.
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00:13:33,710 --> 00:13:35,990
Cosby did something. I know he did
something.
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00:13:43,770 --> 00:13:44,130
Are
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you
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00:13:52,050 --> 00:13:53,050
okay?
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00:13:53,190 --> 00:13:54,470
Yeah, my butt hurts.
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00:13:56,250 --> 00:13:57,450
My hand hurts a little, too.
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00:13:59,790 --> 00:14:02,770
Look, I don't ever want to have to do
that again, but you know I did it,
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00:14:03,230 --> 00:14:04,230
Because I lied?
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00:14:05,310 --> 00:14:06,630
You know why you shouldn't lie?
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00:14:07,030 --> 00:14:08,070
Because you'll spank me?
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00:14:08,650 --> 00:14:09,650
No.
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00:14:10,330 --> 00:14:12,930
Dominic, you know what? That's good
enough for now.
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00:14:15,690 --> 00:14:17,430
Just promise me you won't ever do it
again.
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00:14:17,630 --> 00:14:18,630
I promise.
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00:14:23,350 --> 00:14:30,190
You know I love you,
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00:14:30,230 --> 00:14:31,230
right? Yeah.
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00:14:34,760 --> 00:14:36,300
You know what? I like it better when
we're friends.
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00:14:37,760 --> 00:14:40,880
So I'll tell you what. How about when I
get home from work tomorrow, we go to
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the go -kart track?
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00:14:42,340 --> 00:14:43,960
Really? You said I wasn't old enough.
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00:14:44,240 --> 00:14:45,240
Yeah, but you know what?
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00:14:45,500 --> 00:14:46,580
I think it's finally time.
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00:14:47,100 --> 00:14:50,340
Cool! Yeah. Hey, who knows? If you love
it and you're dedicated enough, maybe
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00:14:50,340 --> 00:14:51,560
you could turn out like my cousin Bobby.
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00:14:51,820 --> 00:14:53,080
Is he a race car driver?
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00:14:53,680 --> 00:14:56,260
Uh, no. Just a 40 -year -old guy who
likes to drive go -karts.
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00:15:01,540 --> 00:15:04,320
Okay, who's ready to ride the go -karts?
Where's Dominic?
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00:15:04,730 --> 00:15:05,569
In his room.
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00:15:05,570 --> 00:15:06,890
Okay, Dominic, let's go!
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00:15:07,430 --> 00:15:08,430
He lied again.
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00:15:08,730 --> 00:15:10,950
Oh, no, no, no!
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00:15:13,510 --> 00:15:16,150
Yep, I asked him if he did his homework,
and he told me he had.
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00:15:16,670 --> 00:15:20,110
Son of a... You know, Christine, if you
wouldn't ask him so many questions,
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00:15:20,170 --> 00:15:21,290
maybe he wouldn't lie so much.
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00:15:23,850 --> 00:15:25,790
I can't believe spanking didn't work.
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00:15:26,170 --> 00:15:29,250
Yeah, you figure something that's
morally wrong that causes long -term
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00:15:29,250 --> 00:15:32,190
psychological damage would at least have
a short -term band -aid effect.
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00:15:33,660 --> 00:15:36,180
Maybe you didn't spank him hard enough.
I spanked him hard enough. How hard did
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00:15:36,180 --> 00:15:37,180
you? Greg!
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00:15:38,680 --> 00:15:39,920
So now what am I supposed to do?
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00:15:41,380 --> 00:15:43,080
I think you have to spank him again.
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00:15:43,520 --> 00:15:46,920
No, no, no. The plan was I was only
going to have to spank him once.
236
00:15:47,220 --> 00:15:48,760
You know, I thought it was like the atom
bomb.
237
00:15:49,120 --> 00:15:52,360
It's like the last thing on earth you
want to use, but once you drop it, it's
238
00:15:52,360 --> 00:15:53,360
over.
239
00:15:55,900 --> 00:15:56,819
Here, show me.
240
00:15:56,820 --> 00:15:57,820
What?
241
00:15:58,540 --> 00:16:00,040
Show me how hard you spanked him.
242
00:16:00,240 --> 00:16:01,480
I'm not going to hit you, Greg.
243
00:16:02,700 --> 00:16:05,260
I really thought I got through to him.
Here, hit my leg.
244
00:16:05,520 --> 00:16:06,520
Greg.
245
00:16:07,020 --> 00:16:10,120
I'm just saying, denim's really thick,
and if he had a new pair of jeans... Ow!
246
00:16:10,240 --> 00:16:11,240
Ow! Ow!
247
00:16:16,560 --> 00:16:23,400
Are you gonna stop interrupting
248
00:16:23,400 --> 00:16:24,400
me now? Yes.
249
00:16:25,140 --> 00:16:26,140
Are you sure?
250
00:16:26,260 --> 00:16:27,260
Yes, I promise.
251
00:16:30,220 --> 00:16:31,360
Look, Christine, um...
252
00:16:31,680 --> 00:16:34,020
When you asked him about the homework,
did you know he was guilty? Because, you
253
00:16:34,020 --> 00:16:35,020
know, that's entrapment.
254
00:16:36,280 --> 00:16:39,260
Jimmy, he lied. You have to spank him. I
don't think I can do it again.
255
00:16:39,560 --> 00:16:42,060
What happened to Big Bad Daddy? I made
him up.
256
00:16:42,600 --> 00:16:43,700
He's not a real person.
257
00:16:45,180 --> 00:16:48,080
Well, Christine, when are you going to
understand this, okay? I'm not a bull. I
258
00:16:48,080 --> 00:16:49,820
don't have horns. I'm not a Big Bad
Daddy.
259
00:16:51,720 --> 00:16:52,339
Oh, my.
260
00:16:52,340 --> 00:16:53,420
Fine. I'll do it.
261
00:16:58,660 --> 00:16:59,760
How hard did you hit him?
262
00:17:10,920 --> 00:17:12,500
Are you going to spank me?
263
00:17:12,839 --> 00:17:16,599
Well, you knew that if you lied again,
you were going to get spanked. Yeah, but
264
00:17:16,599 --> 00:17:18,380
are you going to spank me, Mommy?
265
00:17:23,500 --> 00:17:24,500
No.
266
00:17:25,599 --> 00:17:31,200
No, no, no, no. I just came in to get
your rug.
267
00:17:31,700 --> 00:17:32,700
Yeah.
268
00:17:48,810 --> 00:17:49,810
This rug is filthy.
269
00:17:52,670 --> 00:17:53,870
You didn't do it, did you?
270
00:17:54,190 --> 00:17:56,670
Yes, I did.
271
00:17:58,010 --> 00:18:00,810
He'll tell you I didn't, but we both
know he's a liar.
272
00:18:05,330 --> 00:18:06,670
Fine, I couldn't do it.
273
00:18:07,050 --> 00:18:09,390
Well, it didn't work anyway, so I'm not
doing it either.
274
00:18:12,730 --> 00:18:15,170
Is somebody going to come in here and
spank me?
275
00:18:18,540 --> 00:18:20,980
Dominic, we're not spanking you anymore,
so why don't you go back into your room
276
00:18:20,980 --> 00:18:22,380
until we figure out what to do with you.
277
00:18:22,700 --> 00:18:25,940
But it's starting to get dark. You said
you were going to take me to the go
278
00:18:25,940 --> 00:18:26,659
-kart track.
279
00:18:26,660 --> 00:18:28,920
I'm not taking you to the go -karts. But
you promised.
280
00:18:29,620 --> 00:18:35,740
Yeah, well... I
281
00:18:35,740 --> 00:18:39,800
lied.
282
00:18:44,280 --> 00:18:45,760
What? That's right, Dominic.
283
00:18:49,620 --> 00:18:50,620
You're a dad.
284
00:18:51,860 --> 00:18:54,240
Yeah, well, you know how you feel right
now, Dominic?
285
00:18:54,640 --> 00:18:56,460
That's the same way that we feel when
you lie to us.
286
00:18:57,300 --> 00:18:59,000
That's the reason not to lie, Dominic.
287
00:18:59,200 --> 00:19:03,000
Not because you're going to get spanked
or get sent to your room, but because
288
00:19:03,000 --> 00:19:05,020
you don't want to make people feel the
way you feel right now.
289
00:19:05,940 --> 00:19:07,080
You get it now, Dominic?
290
00:19:09,080 --> 00:19:11,320
Why don't you go back into your room and
think about that for a while?
291
00:19:17,440 --> 00:19:18,440
Wow.
292
00:19:23,760 --> 00:19:26,500
I think we kind of stumbled into
something there.
293
00:19:30,120 --> 00:19:32,780
What's going to happen one day when he
figures out we have no idea what we're
294
00:19:32,780 --> 00:19:34,800
doing and we just make no effort to go
along?
295
00:19:36,100 --> 00:19:40,260
I don't know, but if he's mad, he's
coming after you first. You're the
296
00:19:40,260 --> 00:19:41,260
who hit him.
297
00:19:45,020 --> 00:19:46,020
All right.
298
00:19:46,100 --> 00:19:47,100
I'll see you in a little while.
299
00:19:47,200 --> 00:19:48,380
Where are you going?
300
00:19:48,940 --> 00:19:50,880
I'm going to the go -karts. I didn't do
anything wrong.
301
00:19:57,870 --> 00:19:59,090
Just tell him I went to the grocery
store.
302
00:19:59,410 --> 00:20:00,590
You want me to lie to him?
303
00:20:00,810 --> 00:20:03,150
Yeah. I'll be back around 11 to give you
your spanking.
304
00:20:08,150 --> 00:20:10,630
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
305
00:20:11,010 --> 00:20:15,910
When a girl walk in with an itty -bitty
waist and a round thing in your face,
306
00:20:15,930 --> 00:20:16,930
you get sprung.
307
00:20:18,150 --> 00:20:24,070
So your girlfriend rolls a Honda playing
workout tapes by Fonda, but Fonda ain't
308
00:20:24,070 --> 00:20:25,430
got a motor in the back of her Honda.
309
00:20:28,240 --> 00:20:29,740
unless you got buns, hon.
25183
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