Original subtitles

I'm London Tipton.

Welcome to the boardroom.

London, this is a classroom, not a boardroom. Then why am I always bored in

here?

Anywho, I have great news.

Daddy just gave me a million dollars.

How is that news?

Man, I'm out of here.

And I want to share the million dollars with you.

Please continue.

Well... Daddy asked me to think of a product that will appeal to the youth

demographic.

But, after putting on my thinking cap, I realized two things.

I'm not a thinker, I look great in caps, and I have no idea what demographic

means.

That's three things.

You're right.

Stupid thinking cap.

I don't want Daddy to know I couldn't come up with anything.

So, I need you guys to help me. The first person to come up with a great new

product gets the million dollars to develop it.

Man,

that's a lot of money.

You know, I can keep my eyes on it for you.

Please. I got a trained professional.

Kirby!

Is this a surprise party for me?

No. So there's no cake?

I'm giving you a million dollars.

But there's no cake?

Wait a minute. A million dollars? What do I have? have to do. I mean, I'll do

it. I just need to know what it is.

I need you to guard it.

Yes, ma 'am. You can depend on me. I won't let that money out of my sight.

Uh,

Kirby, where's the money?

Out of my sight.

Sorry.

The race for the million dollar idea is on. And may the best man or freakishly

broad -shouldered woman win.

would you zap me i'm a little on edge because i'm guarding this million

for london you know i've actually never seen a million dollars before mind if i

take a peek i need to see some id yep you're you

wow that's a lot of cheese well it is a million dollars no i mean

actual cheese

It's the sack with the money. What are you going to do?

Don't worry.

I'm a trained professional.

I know how to deal with situations like these.

I wanted to use my boardroom, but Miss Tutwiler said she needed to hold

detention in there.

Aren't you supposed to be in detention?

Uh -huh.

Oh, now, excuse me. My three o 'clock is here. Oh, cool.

Dazzle me, farm girl.

Okay, my idea combines the two things kids love most.

Recycling and heirloom crafting.

Uh -huh.

You start with an apple.

You whittle it down, put some old vintage clothes on it, and this is what

get.

Analyze them.

For instance, I based this one on Mrs. Gurgly.

See? Same clothes, same shoes. Same wrinkles.

Hey, she made it.

Okay,

dabble me, brain boy.

Hi, I'm Cody Martin. How many times have you been in the woods? Never. And

wanted to cook yourself a meal? Never. But you forgot your lemon zester. Never.

Exactly. We've all been there, but those days are over, thanks to the kitchen in

a mitt.

Why would I ever wear something that hideous? Please, save your questions

the end.

The kitchen in a mitt puts the whole kitchen in the palm of your hand.

It whips, it ladles, it slices, it dices, and for when you want to flip

eggs, the spatula attachment is your best friend.

always makes it better.

Perhaps you'd like to stick some bacon in my ear.

And the best part about the kitchen in a mitt is it's heat resistant up to 10

,000 degrees.

Looks like Cody, but isn't smart.

Hey, that's what Mom calls me, too.

Anyway, my million -dollar invention is...

Clothes made out of tinfoil? I think Bailey already has those.

No, no, no. It's a super suit.

You see, having superpowers will no longer require a radioactive spider bite

a gamma ray explosion.

You see, this suit can deflect missiles, fire lasers, even fly into outer space.

Well, how does it do all that?

Beats me.

But when I get that million bucks, I'll hire a bunch of nerds to figure that

out.

Then I'll be indestructible.

logical money -making idea for the music industry. It is one giant step beyond

ringtones. I love ringtones.

Well, if you like ringtones, you will love...

For just 99 cents, you can sing along to your favorite hits from yesterday and

today while riding the porcelain pony.

I don't think my dad wants to tip the name associated with something so

distasteful. Come on, it brings a whole new meaning to canned music.

London, this invention will make a fortune.

Over a lifetime, people spend an average of four years on the toilet.

Double that for my...

in the pool?

No, I sweat when I'm nervous.

I've looked everywhere except under that veil.

Dang, no dough under the ding.

Kirby, you need to retrace your steps. Now, when was the last time you saw the

money? In the lunchroom, but I checked and it wasn't there. I just have to keep

looking.

Well, can you look by the ficuses? They need watering.

I don't know why you guys even bother to show up.

London's going to pick my super suit. What's so super about tinfoil? It has

awesome power to bake a potato!

Well, it beats your moldy apples.

They're dried.

And your stupid lemon tester.

Well, at least no one went potty on my invention.

Well, I can rectify that. Hello!

I'm London Tipton, and welcome to the boardroom.

been waiting for.

The person getting the million dollars for their invention is...

If you're trying to read the name in that notebook, I think it's pronounced

Zach.

Oh, no.

I was just looking at how cute I am. There's a mirror in my notebook.

She has the attention span of a goldfish.

London, over here, girl.

Hello, I'm London Tipton, and welcome to the...

that you pick. Look, the truth is, I can't decide which invention I like

Look, what am I going to tell Daddy?

London, your father's alive.

Tell him I'm dead.

He heard that. Now stand up.

Ow.

I think he meant come out from under the table, then...

Let's enjoy this moment, not focus on business.

The product idea?

Of course I have it. I just didn't want to talk to you until all the details

worked out.

Daddy wants a laser death ray.

Come on, it's a flashlight with a red sock over it. For boys and girls, love

music, so pick my flesh tune.

I think we can all agree that My Kitchen in a Mint is the best choice.

What kid doesn't want to whisk in the woods?

Uh, all of them? Yeah, I don't know.

I've got it, guys, guys, I've got it.

There's something great about each of your inventions.

So, you should combine them into one great big idea that'll appeal to

That way, Daddy will love it.

You're the inventioners.

Hurry up. I need you by furful day. No later than purple o 'clock.

I thought you already looked through the garbage.

I did. This is from searching Zach's room.

Still no luck? Nope. And I even checked the all -you -can -eat buffet four

times.

in the shower.

Well, Kirby, look, I know it's casual furful day, but you might want to think

about changing your shirt.

I love the hat, though.

Thanks. I know I'm kind of a mess, but you look like a million bucks.

And I would know because I have been looking at a million bucks all day,

gardening just like you asked me to.

Well, good, because I'm on my way to see my inventificator's inventions, and I'm

going to need to divide the money four ways.

a nap on that.

Well, until that time comes, I will continue to keep that money safe, sound,

certainly not lost in a vat of macaroni.

Okie dokie. I'll see you later.

Oh, you know what?

Maybe you should just give me the money now.

No! Why not?

Because... Because... Oh, here's a good one.

You might not be London Tipton. You might be a thief in a London Tipton

Oh, you're right.

invention of my own I would like to talk to you about.

Your booger rag?

It's a pocket hanky. Well, how does that appeal to kids? I got my first one from

my Uncle Cedric the morning of my eighth birthday.

When did you first get beat up?

That afternoon at my eighth birthday party.

Not interested.

Oh, no. But this is a mood hanky. It changes colors to reflect

how you're feeling.

See? Green means I'm happy.

So, is it worth a million bucks?

Stop!

Look, red is anger.

It works!

Purple is embarrassed?

did we say about the voice sorry presenting granny smith the last dancing

cooking combat ready doll you'll ever buy let us demonstrate

to help you grow.

And she plays your favorite music.

Just push.

I'm a dancing granny. Just watch me hip hop. Watch me start.

I don't want to stop. I can break my top. Just watch me move.

Come on, sonny. Let's start to groove. Let's groove.

Let's groove.

Let's groove.

She's cute and cuddly, just like grandma, but she won't spend your

on lottery tickets and cat food.

She can take out 12 city blocks using rocket launchers and a high -intensity

microwave pulse. And still have time to make a nice noodle pudding.

Working on that!

I almost was a picnic.

I just don't know what I did wrong.

What you did wrong was you didn't trust your instincts.

Look, London, you know what people like to buy.

I mean, no one's bought more stuff than you.

That's true.

I have more sheets than Spain.

And you're a trendsetter. Who was the first to wear a solid gold bikini?

Me.

like a rock, but I met lots of cute lifeguards and doctors and briefly

So instead of trying to figure out what everyone else likes, why don't you go

with what you like?

I mean, isn't that why your father hired you to do this in the first place?

You know what?

You're right, Mosby.

I'm going to get myself cleaned up and get back to work.

What exactly is that?

Looks like I'm studying. But really, I'm making myself look more beautiful. I

invented it myself.

Gasp! I'm an inventor!

Kids would love this.

And it's way better than those other ideas.

Especially that stupid mood hanky.

What's that mean when it turns black?

piece of junk. He left my makeup notebook.

Man's an idiot.

Anywho, kids everywhere will be pretending to study, learning nothing,

looking fabulous.

I couldn't be more proud.

So you brought us here to gloat?

No. Why would I do that?

You realize gloat means to make others feel bad by your success?

Then I guess it is why I called you in here.

You can go to jail.

I gave you to guard?

Uh... Here it is.

Safe and sound.

Thanks, Kirby. I knew I could depend on you.

Whoa. Feels about 100 short.

Thank goodness that's over. I have to call Mr.

Mosby and...