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That one's cute.
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Yeah, yeah, she is.
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Ah, check out her suitcase.
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Luggage locks.
5
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That means she's suspicious and
cautious.
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I'm looking for naive and vulnerable.
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There's so much to learn from you.
8
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Now focus. These girls are only here for
a week.
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Okay, okay. How about that one? Cute,
blonde, nice legs.
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And carrying a textbook.
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Repressed bookworm, badly in need of a
good time.
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That's Cody.
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Come along with me.
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Let's head out to see what this world
has for you and for me now.
15
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Bitch, have a way to win though. We say,
hey ho, let's go.
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This boat's rocking.
17
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Ain't no stopping us now.
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Cause we're living the sweet life. Oh,
oh.
19
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This boat's rocking. Oh, oh.
20
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Rocking the whole world round.
21
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And we're living the sweet life now.
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Hey, ho.
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Oh, oh.
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Let's go.
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The myth tipped in beauty pageant. This
might be my greatest idea yet. And I
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invented hoagie on a rope.
27
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Yeah.
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The meal dallion was inspired.
29
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And this is going to be even better.
See, all the girls will send in a photo
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an application, making it easy to weed
out the ones not worth pursuing.
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Then, we just cancel the whole thing,
and they'll never even know we were
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involved. Come on.
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No girl on earth is dumb enough to fall
for this.
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have a celebrity judge?
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A celebrity? Who?
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Yeah, who?
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Little, little.
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Marcus? Yeah, you know, little, little.
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Regina, baby.
40
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Regina, baby.
41
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I'm gonna fight you. I'm gonna fight
you.
42
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I can explain.
43
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You started a fake beauty pageant to
meet girls and told them I'm judging to
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make you seem legit?
45
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Okay. You can explain.
46
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All right, I'm in.
47
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You are?
48
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Just like that?
49
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Yeah, it's a chance to meet cute girls.
50
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And I assume you'll provide the perks I
always get for a personal appearance?
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I think we can do that.
52
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Great, I have my people faxed over the
list.
53
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You don't have any people anymore.
54
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You're my people. Go fax yourself.
55
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Number four.
56
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What is your ick?
57
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That's IQ.
58
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I'm going to win the Miss Tipton beauty
pageant. Then I'll go on to Miss
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America. And then Miss Universe.
60
00:03:52,890 --> 00:03:55,870
And that one should be easy because
aliens are ugly.
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But that's my shelf.
62
00:03:59,490 --> 00:04:01,130
Well, what do you need a tiara shelf
for?
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00:04:01,330 --> 00:04:04,430
You enter a beauty contest, the only
thing they'll put on your head is a
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00:04:04,430 --> 00:04:05,430
bag.
65
00:04:06,610 --> 00:04:09,290
Well, I guess there's no danger of you
winning Miss Congeniality.
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00:04:11,110 --> 00:04:14,990
Bailey, come quick. There's some
eukaryotic algae blooming off the port
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It's bilateral.
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00:04:17,129 --> 00:04:20,029
I have something a little more exciting
than plankton.
69
00:04:20,529 --> 00:04:22,370
I seriously doubt it.
70
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I am entering the Miss Simpson beauty
pageant.
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00:04:28,630 --> 00:04:29,630
Ah.
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00:04:30,030 --> 00:04:34,110
And to protest, you're going to
undermine the entire event by wearing an
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dress and avoiding all the trappings of
conventional female beauty?
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00:04:38,090 --> 00:04:39,090
Excuse me?
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Because that certainly is not going to
work with that...
76
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Super cute dress and your effortless
good looks. I love you.
77
00:04:48,080 --> 00:04:51,900
Look, I'm just sick of London always
putting me down. If I beat her, she
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have a leg to stand on.
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00:04:53,520 --> 00:04:56,360
I thought you'd find beauty pageants
sexist and demeaning to women.
80
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Pageants are about more than beauty.
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You can win scholarships.
82
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Plus, they judge you on talent, poise,
personality.
83
00:05:03,400 --> 00:05:04,400
Oh, I know.
84
00:05:04,600 --> 00:05:06,020
I've been in a beauty pageant before.
85
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You mean like for men?
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me? When I met you, you were a dude.
87
00:05:21,100 --> 00:05:22,360
Do you really think I can beat London?
88
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With my help, absolutely.
89
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Now, let's see your walk.
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00:05:27,060 --> 00:05:28,120
You want to see me walk?
91
00:05:28,640 --> 00:05:29,860
Pretty sure I got this part down.
92
00:05:34,100 --> 00:05:35,120
Okay, no.
93
00:05:35,420 --> 00:05:38,160
We're trying to win a pageant, not
audition for March of the Penguins.
94
00:05:40,160 --> 00:05:41,420
Now, let's see you with your pageant
shoes.
95
00:05:42,760 --> 00:05:44,640
I do not walk like a penguin.
96
00:05:45,220 --> 00:05:48,600
Please, any minute now I expect to see
you sliding down a glacier on your
97
00:05:52,120 --> 00:05:54,660
Oh, hey, look, I'm taller than you, just
like last semester.
98
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Just walk.
99
00:06:02,020 --> 00:06:03,480
Bam, you're eliminated.
100
00:06:04,160 --> 00:06:05,780
You have to own your shoes.
101
00:06:07,560 --> 00:06:10,040
Except when you're bowling, right? Then
you can rent your shoes.
102
00:06:13,160 --> 00:06:18,940
Okay, less joking, more walking. Now,
heel, toe, heel, toe. More smiling.
103
00:06:19,220 --> 00:06:20,220
Dazzle me.
104
00:06:22,360 --> 00:06:23,360
Yikes.
105
00:06:24,160 --> 00:06:26,780
First the penguin, now the Joker.
Someone should call Batman.
106
00:06:31,560 --> 00:06:36,620
Take it easy, Capri. I can't believe
they canceled the beauty pageant.
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I know.
108
00:06:38,780 --> 00:06:39,780
Darn them.
109
00:06:41,160 --> 00:06:42,460
And you still would have won.
110
00:06:50,380 --> 00:06:51,380
a wave.
111
00:06:51,420 --> 00:06:54,540
Now how about we go get some dinner?
I've got some cash burning a hole in my
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pocket. Your money's on fire!
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I love you.
114
00:07:01,420 --> 00:07:06,780
There is an art to folding the pocket
hanky. Now, do exactly what I do.
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00:07:07,480 --> 00:07:12,760
Gently caress the hanky as though caring
for a wounded dove.
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Then in one fluid motion, you...
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00:07:23,660 --> 00:07:25,340
in elegant haberdashery.
118
00:07:26,320 --> 00:07:32,040
I am not in a good mood. And I am
holding a class. Well, you will be
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sign that says we'll manage for food.
120
00:07:34,780 --> 00:07:37,860
Now, now, whatever it is you're upset
about, I'm sure we can fix.
121
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How dare you cancel the beauty pageant?
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Beauty pageant?
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No, no, no, no.
124
00:07:45,760 --> 00:07:47,560
There's no beauty pageant.
125
00:07:47,800 --> 00:07:51,260
Then why did every pretty girl on the
ship hand in an application form with
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their name, photo, and what they like in
a...
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00:07:54,320 --> 00:07:55,320
Zack!
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The pageant is canceled.
129
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Oh, so I hear. I don't really keep up on
events I had nothing to do with.
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Don't even try it. I know everything.
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00:08:45,690 --> 00:08:46,690
Uh, yeah?
132
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What number am I thinking of?
133
00:08:49,170 --> 00:08:50,170
Pizza.
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Wow.
135
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A fake beauty pageant? I mean, this is a
new low, even for you, Zach.
136
00:08:58,130 --> 00:08:59,470
Is that what these two...
137
00:09:03,959 --> 00:09:05,620
Mr. Celebrity Judge.
138
00:09:06,220 --> 00:09:09,600
I mistook you for stylish and jaunty.
139
00:09:11,420 --> 00:09:12,420
Jaunty?
140
00:09:13,540 --> 00:09:15,020
Mr. Mosby, chill.
141
00:09:15,880 --> 00:09:19,040
We've seen the error of our ways, and
that's why we put this whole incident
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00:09:19,040 --> 00:09:20,740
behind us and canceled the whole thing.
143
00:09:21,340 --> 00:09:25,120
It's too late. Now I have a bunch of
disappointed girls on my hands.
144
00:09:25,620 --> 00:09:27,380
Oh, come on. Can't be the first time.
145
00:09:33,699 --> 00:09:38,440
contestants from your pageant, which, by
the way, I'm uncanceling.
146
00:09:39,420 --> 00:09:43,500
Really? Mm -hmm. And the three of you
will be the judges of those girls.
147
00:09:44,140 --> 00:09:49,520
Really? Let's not get too excited,
because you will be responsible for
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cleanup, and if the girls get nervous,
throw up.
149
00:09:54,180 --> 00:09:55,620
Really? Mm -hmm.
150
00:09:56,300 --> 00:10:02,460
And to be impartial, there will be
absolutely no contact of any kind with
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00:10:02,460 --> 00:10:03,449
the girls.
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00:10:03,450 --> 00:10:05,870
before, during, or after the pageant.
153
00:10:06,910 --> 00:10:07,910
Really?
154
00:10:10,250 --> 00:10:11,250
Really.
155
00:10:13,670 --> 00:10:20,470
All right. Now that the pageant's back
on, we have to make up for lost
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00:10:20,470 --> 00:10:21,690
time. Let's have a look -see.
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00:10:26,970 --> 00:10:28,090
Gown is perfect.
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00:10:28,590 --> 00:10:31,230
Hair's a little high. Just don't stand
under any ceiling fans.
159
00:10:34,350 --> 00:10:36,710
And this petroleum jelly on my teeth
tastes gross.
160
00:10:37,150 --> 00:10:39,150
But it makes it impossible to stop
smiling.
161
00:10:39,390 --> 00:10:40,910
And you have such a beautiful smile.
162
00:10:41,510 --> 00:10:45,490
Really? Yeah, and a good thing, too.
Helps draw the eye away from your poor
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00:10:45,490 --> 00:10:46,490
posture.
164
00:10:47,830 --> 00:10:49,630
I do not have poor posture.
165
00:10:50,190 --> 00:10:53,150
Oh, please. You look like you should be
ringing a bell at Notre Dame.
166
00:10:54,250 --> 00:10:55,510
Uh -huh.
167
00:10:55,870 --> 00:10:57,170
All right, perfect.
168
00:10:57,510 --> 00:10:58,510
Let's talk talent.
169
00:10:58,590 --> 00:10:59,590
Got it covered.
170
00:10:59,610 --> 00:11:02,410
I'm going to be singing a song that I
wrote.
171
00:11:04,540 --> 00:11:05,540
Uh -huh.
172
00:11:05,960 --> 00:11:06,960
Uh -huh.
173
00:11:07,540 --> 00:11:10,640
You know what would go really well with
this? What? A sash that says loser.
174
00:11:12,640 --> 00:11:16,200
Everyone's going to sing. It's so
common. You need to do something that no
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girl would ever think of doing.
176
00:11:17,780 --> 00:11:18,960
You mean like be your girlfriend?
177
00:11:20,160 --> 00:11:22,500
Oh, well then I guess I just won't be
your coach anymore.
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00:11:22,800 --> 00:11:23,800
Good. Fine.
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00:11:23,860 --> 00:11:25,680
I'll win this pageant without you.
You'll see.
180
00:11:25,920 --> 00:11:28,020
I won't see because I'm not going.
181
00:11:31,040 --> 00:11:33,120
I really wish I could stop smiling.
182
00:11:43,980 --> 00:11:44,980
Straighten up now.
183
00:11:45,080 --> 00:11:48,000
I wish I could. I got a knot in my back
that stops with a guinea pig.
184
00:11:49,140 --> 00:11:52,860
Ow! Okay, you know, I told you guys, I
can't sew.
185
00:11:53,220 --> 00:11:56,300
I mean, there's more blood on those
sashes than there is on my body.
186
00:11:57,720 --> 00:12:01,120
Isaac, I hear you're judging the
pageants.
187
00:12:01,700 --> 00:12:05,120
I would be so grateful if I won.
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00:12:15,760 --> 00:12:17,160
to fraternize until the third date.
189
00:12:18,340 --> 00:12:19,440
This stinks.
190
00:12:20,040 --> 00:12:21,780
I haven't talked to a girl in a month.
191
00:12:23,140 --> 00:12:25,260
We've only been working the pageant for
two days.
192
00:12:26,420 --> 00:12:27,560
Yeah, what's your point?
193
00:12:37,080 --> 00:12:41,580
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the
first annual Mischief Didn't...
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00:12:49,390 --> 00:12:51,930
the most beautiful girls on the cruise.
195
00:12:52,470 --> 00:12:55,630
And they're lined up for you all to
peruse.
196
00:12:56,290 --> 00:12:59,630
And they're here for a very good reason.
197
00:13:00,670 --> 00:13:02,450
We have discount travel often.
198
00:13:03,710 --> 00:13:06,790
Now the dresses they wear are so chic.
199
00:13:07,390 --> 00:13:12,630
They're for sale in the cruise ship
boutique. Two for $99 .50. How close are
200
00:13:12,630 --> 00:13:13,970
spa is first rate?
201
00:13:14,770 --> 00:13:17,430
If you'd like to make a reservation,
just dial 8.
202
00:13:18,940 --> 00:13:20,560
The most beautiful girl.
203
00:13:49,430 --> 00:13:51,290
Hey, when I see him, I dip him.
204
00:13:52,790 --> 00:13:56,090
Winner of the evening gown competition,
obviously Capri.
205
00:13:57,270 --> 00:13:58,270
Are you crazy?
206
00:13:58,790 --> 00:14:02,330
London's dress is made of silk,
interwoven with 200 carats of rare pink
207
00:14:02,330 --> 00:14:04,990
diamonds. Plus, she called me her little
boo -boo.
208
00:14:09,650 --> 00:14:14,090
And thus, by balancing classic Keynesian
economics with the best of Malthusian
209
00:14:14,090 --> 00:14:18,470
theory, we can decrease third world debt
while increasing our... gross domestic
210
00:14:18,470 --> 00:14:19,470
product.
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00:14:19,970 --> 00:14:20,970
Boring.
212
00:14:24,690 --> 00:14:25,850
I love puppies.
213
00:14:31,850 --> 00:14:36,230
Okay, London. If you could have any
historical figure for dinner, who would
214
00:14:36,230 --> 00:14:37,230
be and why?
215
00:14:37,870 --> 00:14:38,890
Good question.
216
00:14:39,150 --> 00:14:44,530
But I would not have anyone for dinner
because I feel that eating people is
217
00:14:44,530 --> 00:14:45,530
wrong.
218
00:14:48,970 --> 00:14:51,030
It just seems gross.
219
00:14:53,310 --> 00:14:57,390
Okay, it's not exactly the answer we
were looking for. Oh, fine.
220
00:14:58,330 --> 00:14:59,330
Santa Claus.
221
00:15:00,290 --> 00:15:02,390
I bet he tastes like candy canes and
pudding.
222
00:15:04,770 --> 00:15:07,630
Let's continue
223
00:15:07,630 --> 00:15:14,410
the talent portion of our competition.
224
00:15:16,010 --> 00:15:18,390
Capri's up next. I bet her talent's hot.
225
00:16:04,080 --> 00:16:06,080
My talent is shopping.
226
00:16:07,360 --> 00:16:10,460
I can order up anything and have it show
up in seconds.
227
00:16:10,960 --> 00:16:12,560
What color boots should I buy?
228
00:16:13,080 --> 00:16:14,140
MC Mosby.
229
00:16:33,669 --> 00:16:35,230
Come on, let's hear it for her.
230
00:16:37,670 --> 00:16:43,030
Now, please welcome Bailey Pickett.
231
00:16:47,950 --> 00:16:48,949
Hi, y 'all.
232
00:16:48,950 --> 00:16:51,030
For my talent, I'm going to sing a
little song I wrote.
233
00:16:58,470 --> 00:17:01,670
I was born on a farm where my mom left
the cattle.
234
00:17:04,490 --> 00:17:11,210
I could ride a tractor before I could
ride a bike My very first
235
00:17:11,210 --> 00:17:15,930
date took me to the theater That boy's
biggest dream was to grow the best tater
236
00:17:15,930 --> 00:17:22,930
But I wanted to be much more than a
farmhand's wife So I packed up my bag
237
00:17:22,930 --> 00:17:27,050
and I headed for the water They all
waved goodbye to their little farmer's
238
00:17:27,050 --> 00:17:30,670
daughter I was set in sail for the best
time of my life
239
00:17:45,039 --> 00:17:49,140
Thank you. Thank you.
240
00:17:51,540 --> 00:17:56,120
Thank you.
241
00:18:25,160 --> 00:18:26,960
We're deadlocked. Plus we can't agree.
242
00:19:23,690 --> 00:19:25,450
for a girl who bribed you with money?
243
00:19:25,750 --> 00:19:26,750
Yeah!
244
00:19:28,110 --> 00:19:32,270
Well, now that you've got your money,
you can vote for the most brilliant, the
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00:19:32,270 --> 00:19:34,550
most beautiful, and the most talented
contestant.
246
00:19:34,930 --> 00:19:36,010
Thank you, Cody.
247
00:19:37,370 --> 00:19:38,890
I was talking about Bailey.
248
00:20:07,240 --> 00:20:08,240
I guess you were right.
249
00:20:08,500 --> 00:20:10,080
You didn't need my coaching after all.
250
00:20:10,640 --> 00:20:12,460
No, I just needed to believe in myself.
251
00:20:13,380 --> 00:20:15,420
But it sure helped that you came to
support me.
252
00:20:49,830 --> 00:20:51,090
turned out rather well.
253
00:20:51,870 --> 00:20:55,370
Even if it did start out as a depraved
scam to meet girls.
254
00:20:55,750 --> 00:20:56,750
Damn.
255
00:20:58,610 --> 00:21:02,370
Did you fake this whole thing just so
you guys could check us out?
256
00:21:03,150 --> 00:21:04,850
Sure, now she gets smart.
257
00:21:07,070 --> 00:21:10,250
Oh, come on. We didn't even have a
swimsuit competition.
258
00:21:11,170 --> 00:21:12,170
You know what?
259
00:21:12,390 --> 00:21:13,390
You're right.
260
00:21:13,710 --> 00:21:14,810
Maybe we should have...
261
00:21:26,540 --> 00:21:27,540
hearts and souls to me
19984
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