Original subtitles

T until we dock in morocco.

I want to visit the kasbah of the udayas in rabat

And experience 5,000 years of culture and history.

And I want to buy a bellybutton jewel that sparkles.

As we say in the desert, "what's up, dunes?"

Cody, I see you're wearing your grizzly scout uniform.

Are you going for your dork badge?

( laughs )

Mock me if you will,

But this will keep me cool in the hot arabian sun.

You couldn't be cool if you were wearing

Ice cube underpants. Ice in the pants.

Actually, they're surprisingly comfortable.

Good day. I want you all to know that I am planning

A moroccan feast on the sky deck tonight.

- Sounds great. - For passengers only.

Technically we are passengers.

- Paying passengers. - Technically we are paying.

Oh, just don't come.

� oh ay oh, oh ay oh �

� come along with me �

� and let's head out to see �

� what this world has �

� for you and for me now �

� whichever way the wind blows �

- � we say... � - � hey-ho, let's go! �

- � oh ay oh � - � this boat's rocking �

- � oh ay oh � - � ain't no stopping us now �

� 'cause we're living the suite life �

- � oh ay oh � - � this boat's rocking �

- � oh ay oh � - � rocking the whole world round �

� and we're living the suite life now �

� hey ho! Oh ay oh let's go! �

London, you bought so much stuff you need a camel to carry it.

No I don't. I've got these two humps.

Can't feel my arms.

Just put that stuff on the back seat of the jeep.

So where are we supposed to sit?

Uh, that's a you problem.

( gasps ) oh!

Look at these earrings. They're gorgeous.

Wow, they look great on you.

Really? Thanks, london.

Yeah, they draw the attention away from your facial flaws.

And you've insulted me on a new continent.

Uh, excuse me, sir.

I'm interesting in these earrings.

Ah, good eye. They are one of a kind

And only 500 dirham.

That's $50.

Sorry, I can't afford that.

That's like 1,000 bags of manure.

Shopping with you is embarrassing.

- ( crashing ) - oh oh oh!

I'll take these.

Bailey wants those earrings.

I'm gonna buy them for her.

Why? She's already your girlfriend.

Why don't you buy them for her?

Hey there.

Bailey and I always get each other romantic gifts.

Last week she got me a microscope slide

Of a two-headed paramecium

Aw, for valentine's day

Why don't you give her a swab from your cheek?

500 dirham will clear me out.

But bailey's worth it.

Easy there, hot pants.

That's not how they operate here.

You have to haggle. It's tradition.

Watch.

Sir, it's your lucky day.

You're about to unload those earrings.

- Ah, goody for me. - Yes.

My brother here is prepared to offer you 100 dirham.

I laugh. Ha ha. See?

100 dirham won't buy you

A bucket of camel spit.

But 200 will.

Ew, that won't look good dangling from bailey's ears.

If you want the earrings,

The price is 500.

Well, we'll offer you 125.

Ach, you insult me, you insult my family.

I put a curse on you and your descendants

For 10,000 years.

How about 400?

Now I laugh. Ha ha. See?

Forget it.

What are you doing?

Now I have no earrings and a curse on my head.

Hey hey hey, don't worry.

He'll call us back any second.

He's sitting down to start a crossword puzzle.

If you go back over there I have a four-letter word for sucker--

Cody.

Wow, check out this lamp.

Hey, if we all chip in we can buy it for mr. Moseby.

And maybe he'll let us go to the moroccan feast.

Feast? I'm in.

I'll chip in too.

But I have to save three dirham for a trip to the pay toilet.

I've had five cans of camel cola,

Which I hope is a brand name

And not actual liquid that came from a camel.

So, london, are you in?

Why should I get something for moseby?

I mean, what has he ever done for me?

Raised you like you were his own daughter.

Look at me. I'm selfish and spoiled.

He did a terrible job.

Fine. But tomorrow I'm gonna be extra selfish.

Time to try out my new flying carpet.

Open sesame.

( coughing )

Woody, I hate to break it to you, but there's no such thing as a flying carpet.

Oh yeah?

Then why did the guy charge me an extra 200 for my pilot's license?

Because you're dumb as a bag of sand?

Oh yeah, and I'm sure the insurance I bought was fake too.

Time for a test flight.

And go!

Up up and away.

Hey, someone got hummus on the lamp.

Hey, someone got lamp on my hummus.

Mmm, this hummus is good.

But I do wish I had a hamburger.

Gasp! Your wish came true.

The lamp is magical! ( squeals )

Bacon, cheese, spicy mustard--

The burger is magical too.

( squeals )

Woody, it's just a coincidence that kid decided

To drop his burger off the rail at that moment.

Do you know how long I've wished

For food to fall from the sky?

And it's finally happened.

Aw, you're crazy.

I can prove to you that this lamp isn't magic.

All right.

I wish the sun would disappear from the sky.

Ha ha ha!

See? Nothing happened.

What?

Ooh!

You made the sun disappear.

Oh, relax.

It's just london's clothing blimp

Passing in front of the sun.

Marcus, tell them they're being silly.

I believe. I believe.

I bow down before the magic lamp.

And suddenly I'm on the good ship loony-pop.

Hello. I'm back

And I am prepared to pay 400 dirham for those earrings.

Good for you. But I just sold them.

What?

In my country we have an ancient saying--

He who waits for the chicken to jump into the fire

Has to order out for pizza.

Now please, move along.

Your sad boohoo face is bad for business.

This stinks.

I wanted to get bailey something she would love and cherish

As much as I love tevye and scott.

Who?

The two-headed paramecium.

Well, man, you win some, you lose some.

Next time don't be so cheap and just pay the man.

Ah! Ah! Cobra in the basket!

Cobra in the basket!

- Can you see the genie? - Yes!

He has curly hair and glasses

And little bits of hot dog stuck in his braces.

That's me. Open your other eye.

Oh. Ooh, it's dark in the lamp.

The genie must be sleeping.

Wake up! I'm ready to wish!

Why should you get the last wish?

Because you two already got your wishes--

Hamburger and unholy darkness.

Those don't count. They were test wishes.

But I didn't get a test wish.

'cause you hate tests.

Good point.

So since we all paid for the lamp equally,

The last wish should be something we all need.

40 I.Q. Points?

But we're never gonna agree on the same wish.

One of us should get the wish.

Oh, let's have bailey decide.

Oh joy.

- Good idea. - I'm a very smart guy.

There. I'm sure you'll pick someone who's worthy

- And not someone who is always mean to you. - ( gasps )

Or someone who's gonna use the last wish for the world's largest burrito.

( gasps )

How did you know what I was gonna wish for?

Because I read your letter to santy claus.

That's personal.

Thank goodness so many people sell antivenom.

Yeah, I noticed you paid full price for that.

The guy did pry the cobra off my neck.

Meanwhile no one else in this entire bazaar

Is selling the same pair of earrings.

I guess they really were one of a kind.

Turns out 500 is a pretty good deal.

Whatever. I guess I'll just get this instead.

You sure bailey will like that?

Oh, it's not for bailey.

Ah, boys, yallah.

I have found one more pair of those earrings.

I saved them just for you.

Oh, that's fantastic.

They're exactly like the other pair.

Well, there is one little difference.

Really? What?

These cost twice as much.

1,000 dirham.

Don't worry, I think I can get him down to 850.

Get off me!

I don't have that kind of money.

Thanks for ruining everything as always.

Your brother is emotional,

Like little girl.

No he's not.

He's way worse than a little girl.

But he's my brother.

So is there anything I can do to get you to lower the price?

Well, actually there may be one thing.

- My mother... - So what are we talking?

She wants to open her own food booth

But is worried tourists won't like her cooking.

What do you have in mind?

Just taste it and tell her it's good.

Yamma, yallah!

Do this, I'll lower the price.

I guess I can do it. What does she make, falafel?

Uh, no.

But you'll feel awful afterwards.

Oh, meatballs.

No, eyeballs.

Goat eyeballs to be exact.

( groans )

You can't eat just one.

Oh!

So, bailey, did you decide who gets the last wish?

By the way,

I think this cash fell out of your overalls.

- You can't bribe her. - Yeah, that's not fair.

- Why not? - ( arguing )

( yawns ) hey!

I'm trying to sleep in here.

I told you the genie was asleep.

You're a genie?

No, I'm a lawyer wearing a turban.

Well, how did you get in there?

Let's just say don't ever date a sorceress and dump her.

Good to know.

Who's making a wish here?

Tick tock.

I don't know who should get the last wish.

Run 'em by me and I'll give you a little preview of how they'd turn out.

You first.

Well, I wish I had my own successful record label

And worldwide empire.

From lil' little sneakers to lil' little low-fat salad dressings.

Nice.

I haven't heard that one since p. Diddy found me.

Lil' little up in the hizzzouse!

Or, should I say, up on the skizz-eye dizzeck.

Who wants some salad dressing?

Try my bomb-salmic

And my black eyed cheese.

And my honey, it's on.

- Oooh. - Oooh.

Oh, you could have left me one girl.

Let's check out woody's wish.

Okay, hmm...

( gasps )

I wish I had my bulldog meatball's life.

I just want to eat, sleep and leave a slobber trail

Without being criticized.

( whines )

- ( growls ) - what is this mutt doing out here?

- ( urinating ) - oh, don't do that!

You're in a public place.

- ( growls ) - whoa there.

Good boy. Sit.

Heel. Speak.

You got a biscuit? I want a biscuit.

I want a biscuit.

- ( screams ) - ( growling )

Woody, here boy. Who wants a biscuit?

( whimpers )

Where's my biscuit?

Oh, my turn. My turn.

All I wish for is everything!

( pops )

What was that?

Me granting your wish.

But I don't feel any different.

That's because you already have everything.

Oh yeah, you're right. That's true.

So, bailey, you sure you don't want to make a wish?

Well, now that I know that you're real, maybe I will make a wish.

You're right, bailey. You deserve the wish.

You're so pretty and sweet and so well-dressed.

Okay, this is so a dream.

- What are you doing? - I'm trying to wake myself up.

Oh, I'll help.

Ahh!

Wake up!

I just had the weirdest dream.

And you were there and you were there

And you were there.

Yeah yeah yeah. Have you decided who gets the wish?

Maybe she already used the last wish on herself.

No she didn't. Look at her.

Same hideous hair, same hideous clothes, uneven ears.

What?

Okay, the truth is none of you deserve this lamp.

- ( gasps ) - I'm gonna take the last wish and put it to good use.

Stop her before she wishes for something stupid like world peace.

( groans )

Delish. ( chuckles )

I especially like the caramelized ear kebabs.

Although they were a little waxy.

Okay, I've eaten every part of the goat except the bell.

Wow, you must really love your brother.

It almost makes me want to contact my brother,

Except that he is a filthy dog.

I hate you, achmed!

( knife whooshes )

How about you just sell me the earrings

Before I get an unwanted haircut?

I will, right after you try mama's dessert.

Ew, what's that green stuff? Camel boogers?

No, this is mint ice cream.

Spoon please.

Mmm, fantastic.

I especially like the chocolate chips.

Oh, those aren't chocolate chips.

They are beetles. Eat fast or they try to scurry out of your mouth.

It's actually kind of cute.

What distance!

( moroccan music playing )

Ah, I hope you are enjoying the dance of the seven veils.

Oh, eight.

Oh, here we go. ( laughs )

You know, I was a ballet dancer, you're a belly dancer.

Belly, ballet, belly, ballet-- ow!

I pulled a belly muscle.

I will not let you waste this lamp's power on your stupid wishes.

Oh, we'll see about that.

( gasps )

London, where'd you learn that?

It's a self-defense technique I learned with my personal shopper.

- It's called shoe-jitsu. - Get her!

( screams ) big dog!

( screams ) another big dog!

( grunts )

What is going on here?

We need that lamp so we can get the genie out and make our last wish.

Why do I keep asking?

Now it's mine.

- Stop! - Get him!

This way. You go this way. That way, go go go!

I wish-- whoa!

--I hadn't tripped on that couscous.

Cody, you got the lamp.

Yeah, I guess.

I just wish I had the earrings I wanted to give you.

All: No!

- Maybe the lamp doesn't work for him. - Yeah.

Cody, you forgot the earrings you bought bailey.

( mocking ) "maybe the lamp doesn't work for him." goof.

Bailey, these are for you.

Cody, I've never seen anything so beautiful.

Clearly there's not a mirror in that box.

Ow!

Thank you. I love them.

Zack, I can't believe you got those.

- Thank you. - Well, you're my brother.

I don't want us to wind up throwing knives at each other.

That might just be the nicest thing you've ever said to me.

So did you finally bargain the guy down?

Yup, to 500 dirham.

Wasn't that the original price?

Maybe, but he also threw in this.

The camel spit?

No, just the bucket.

( gagging )

( vomiting )

All: Ew!

Hey, mr. Moseby. Nice lamp.

Thank you. It was a gift.

- London said it was a magic lamp. - Well, is it?

Nope. You're still here.

Cody, I really love these earrings.

Thanks. They're one of a kind.

- Just like you. - ( giggles )

Oh, this looks good.

The pastilla is delicious.

It reminds me of my grammy's mincemeat pie.

I sure wish I had some.

Oh, miss pickett.

This just arrived air express.

Grammy's mincemeat pie?

Genie?

Actually it's gino.

Hey, are you winking at my girlfriend?

Sorry, man. Don't hit me.

I'm a bleeder.

Ha! Yeah, you'd better run.

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