Original subtitles

[music playing]

[SINGING] Texas.

Brooklyn.

Texas.

Brooklyn.

Mm.

Heaven.

Before you learn your ABC's, you learn

that good things happen in three's, like Texas, Brooklyn,

and heaven.

They may have got blues, but they don't cry.

The devil has such a terrible time

in Texas, Brooklyn, heaven.

Yippee-I, Yippee-O for the Alamo, where

the planes are above the mat.

Yippee-O, Yippee-I for the lucky guy

who hangs his hat in a flatbush flat.

You want to meet an angel face.

My angels live all over the place

in Texas, Brooklyn, and heaven!

[piano playing]

What'll you have?

What's with that?

What's with what?

With that.

Oh!

House special.

You have one?

Yeah.

I'll have the fourth one.

[chuckles]

Funny fellow, huh?

With or without?

With or without what?

The story.

This long?

Depends on how many you drink.

OK.

Start mixing.

I'm gonna work my way up to that free one.

Hey, Mike.

Why Texas Golden Horse?

Why not Brooklyn Golden Horse?

Because Eddie Tayloe.

Came from Texas.

Dallas, Texas.

[music playing]

This is Dallas, Texas.

[typewriters writing]

Boy.

EDDIE: Copy.

Say, Copy, got anything for me?

Nope.

You don't expect to get anything for that place.

Not on the Dallas News, do ya Eddie?

That's good.

I... I'm kind of busy here anyhow.

Who are you kiddin? EDITOR: Copy!

I'll see ya.

Give this to Tayloe.

It might interest him.

Yes, sir.

Copy.

Got something for ya.

Ya?

For me?

St. Angelo's your hometown, isn't it?

Yeah.

Got a story here that just came in about old T.X. Tayloe.

Any relation of yours?

My grandfather.

Says here he's dead.

He was a very old man.

Left an inheritance, huh?

EDDIE: Yeah.

His own private money belt and a couple of 1875 Colt revolvers.

Well, he remembered me.

I had forgotten him.

Seems he didn't believe in banks,

so left me $6,000 in cash in his money belt.

EDITOR: Copy!

COPY BOY: [inaudible]

Mr. McGonical?

Yeah?

This is my last day here.

Quitting?

Since the first day I came here three years ago,

I've been waiting until I had enough money

to do what I really want to do.

Money?

Your grandfather left you $6,000, not $60,000.

That's enough.

What are you going to do with this enormous fortune?

Buy a ranch half the size of Texas?

I'm going to New York to finish my play.

Uh-huh.

Well, when your smash hit flops on Broadway,

the Fort Worth section will still be open.

On the dullest news?

That's right.

No thanks.

So long, McGonical.

So long.

Oh, good luck!

[car engine stalling]

MIKE [VOICEOVER]: Eddie got off to a swell start.

26 miles out of Dallas he had car trouble.

But if there had been no car trouble...

Hey, Mr. Would ya give me a lift, please?

I'm not very heavy.

Where did you come from?

I was asleep there beside the road.

Then I heard you making all that noise.

I guess it woke me.

Go away.

You're a very rude person.

You're not a nice girl.

Out on the highway this time of the night.

There's nothing nice about you either.

Not a single iota.

It so happens I'm running away from home.

Some people do it in style.

Some have to do it my way.

So for your information, I am a nice girl.

And now, if you'll excuse me.

Good night.

[banging]

I can't sleep with all that racket you're making.

I'm sorry my car broke down in your boudoirs.

If you had one iota of friendliness... just one ioda...

I could fix your car for ya.

That I'd like to see.

Thanks for fixing my car.

You've already said that four times.

I'm only trying to make conversation.

Please don't exert yourself.

I'm sure it must be very exhausting

for you to try to be nice.

I'm a fella who's always been alone.

Even when I work with others, I'm still alone.

I'm not used to helping or being helped.

Isn't it funny that I should be running away from the ranch

when that's what I like most of all.

What ranch?

Oh.

Didn't I tell you?

It's the family ranch in Texas.

It's just outside of Calinamo City.

It covers about 115,000 acres.

And you should see the horses we have.

2,800 of them not counting the wild mares and their foals.

Look, miss.

I know Calinamo City pretty well.

There is no horse ranch within 200 miles of that place

and we both know it.

Yeah.

But if there was such a place, wouldn't it be wonderful?

What are you really running away from?

PERRY: A gasoline station.

That's why I know so much about cars.

My brother and I ran it until he got married.

And then when his wife moved in I felt sort of unnecessary.

You know, like I was crowding the place.

Still it's better than bucking the world on your own.

Unless you have a grandfather who left you a hunk of dough.

All I have is a diploma from the correspondence school.

It's a very attractive diploma though.

And it says I'm a perfect secretary... short-hand, typing,

and business management.

You've got a job waiting for you someplace, huh?

No, but I'll get one.

And then when I've made enough money, I'll come back to Texas

and buy myself a ranch with horses.

Oh, the loveliest horses.

You haven't told me anything about yourself.

You've been awfully quiet.

RADIO: We interrupt this broadcast to bring

you a very special bulletin.

Red Car is still at large.

Red Car who robbed another bank in east Texas this morning

was last seen stealing away in a fast black coupe.

Up to 10 minutes ago, he had not been apprehended.

Special Warning to anyone who might see him.

Red Car always carries at least 2 heavy caliber revolvers.

Approach with caution.

What kind of work do you do?

Oh, I'm going to New York to write a play.

You still haven't told me your name.

Or, or would you rather not?

Tayloe.

Eddie Tayloe.

How do you spell the Tayloe?

T-A-Y-L-O-E.

My name is Peruna Dunklin.

I spell the Dunklin, D-U-N-K...

[horn honks]

Watch out!

[tires screech]

EDDIE: Put those guns down!

They might go off!

Thank goodness you've come out of it.

I thought it was the Sheriff and the posse.

Sheriff?

But is what only Mr. Thibault and the doctor.

Now, think quick.

They'll be in here any minute.

We'll use the name you gave me last night.

Eddie Tayloe.

That's what I've already told them your name is.

Are you listening to me?

I'm listening.

My name is Eddie Tayloe.

Good.

And I'm your sister, Perry.

My sister?

It makes it look better.

Red Car wouldn't be riding around with his sister.

What's Red Car got to do with this.

Who are you?

Eddie Tayloe.

That's fine.

But don't worry about your money bill.

I put it under the couch after Mr. Thibault helped

me get you into bed last night.

I'm getting out of here right... nope.

Want happened to my shoulder?

You're lucky you're alive.

I don't know.

And who is this Mr. Thibault?

This is his house.

He lives here alone.

His wife ran away with the dentist.

But he don't care he says, because now he

doesn't have to pay the bill.

Anyway... he helped me get you here after the accident.

You remember, don't you?

Remember it?

I'm still in it.

It's getting worse.

And we're so fortunate Mr. Thibault didn't recognize you.

Let's get something straight.

I'm not Red Car.

Of course not.

You're Eddie Tayloe.

We agreed on that, didn't we?

That's not a matter of agreement.

I am Eddie Tayloe.

And I'm your sister.

I have no sister.

You better have one if you know what's good for you.

[door shuts]

Hello, doctor.

Hello, Miss...

Tayloe.

Perry Tayloe.

And uh, you are?

I'm Red Car.

You heard about me, doc?

Haven't ya?

Why everybody around these parts knows about Red Car.

What are ya nodding your head for?

Don't you believe I'm Red Car?

Don't ya?

Hmm?

And now, perhaps it would be better if I

talked to the patient alone.

It's his left shoulder, doctor.

We'll know soon enough.

I'll call you if I need you.

Try to behave.

Get in touch with the rest of the mob.

Tell them to lay low until the heats off.

Ugh!

You got a good buy in this car, Eddie.

You did the buying.

400 miles and the motor sounds like a hummingbird.

You still getting off at Birmingham?

Sure, if your shoulder's OK.

Why don't you stay with me until we get to New York?

Or is that too big for ya?

I hadn't figured on New York.

Why not make it in New York.

It's about a time somebody went there and changed the place.

Well, I don't know.

Perry?

Yes?

My shoulder doesn't bother me anymore.

It hasn't hurt me for the last two days.

I didn't say anything because... well, what I

mean is... You're a good driver.

You mustn't fall in love with me.

Who said anything about...

You'll spoil everything.

What makes you think... I give up.

You must admit there's always the possibility

that you might want for us to become sweethearts.

You admit that possibility true?

Well, you must fight that possibility.

It'll be a struggle.

A love affair at this time would interfere with my plans.

You see, Eddie.

I've always lived in a world with... well, call it make

believe.

But one thing is a reality.

I have a great capacity for love,

for people... for all kinds of people.

Oh, I could fall in love, but that would be selfish of me.

I feel I sort of owe it to those people and kind of ration

out my affections.

So that's why you must deny yourself

the prospect of loving me.

When the time comes and I feel I've done all

I can do for others... when that time comes,

then perhaps we can sit down and talk things over.

Goodie.

I don't care whether your laughing me or not.

That's the way I feel about everything.

And this is the first time I've had an opportunity

to do anything about it.

So, please.

Be strong, show character, and don't fall in love with me.

- Perry? - Yes?

Do me a favor?

Go ahead.

Shut up.

What are you gonna do?

Walk out on me right now?

You said your shoulders OK?

Well, I'm a little tired.

You drive for awhile.

After all, it's a long way to New York.

[lively music]

MIKE [VOICEOVER]: For six states,

she talked his ears off.

Of course, Perry knew he wasn't Red Car.

But she kept up her act just for the fun

of watching him blow his top.

And all the time, he didn't know that she

was giving him the news.

It's funny how some gals know just

when to use reverse English.

Well, anyway.

It's not expensive like the others.

It'll make a good hideout.

For the last time, I don't need a hideout.

Well, goodbye.

I hope you finish your play pretty soon.

Thanks for everything.

What's your rush?

Let's have breakfast first and talk things over.

We've had plenty of time to talk.

Now, I'm on my way to Brooklyn.

Brooklyn?

Did you come all the way to New York to end up in Brooklyn?

I've heard so much about it.

It sounds like a truly wondrous place.

What's so wondrous about it?

Brooklyn appeals to me.

Is there any reason why I shouldn't

make it my destination?

Well, that's not a logical question.

I can't give you a logical answer.

Well, goodbye.

I hate to see you rush off like that.

Eddie, you're being romantic.

I give up.

In plain and simple language, goodbye.

Will you get in touch with me when you get settled?

All right, Eddie.

[piano playing]

Let me have a room and bath, please.

[bell dings]

[GROANS] 105.

I'm not a bell hop, you understand.

I'm a kind of a general all around everything.

A bell hop would stop to death in a fleabag like this.

Present company excluded, the customers

here are anti-tipping.

That's why I got to be illegal to make a living.

Like I take small bets from the horse-playing sect.

I got a regular clientele.

You can become a member.

Where's the phone?

No phone.

A hotel without a telephone?

Downstairs near the bar, there is

a public phone for the accommodation of the guests.

That's very accommodating.

Frankly, it's a plot against the customer

to make them drink.

You see, every time you go down to answer the phone,

you buy a drink.

Well, what if I don't want a drink.

Don't be a character.

You get into the habit.

That's why Mr. Simpson yanked all

the phones out of the rooms.

Let them do their phoning in the bar, he said.

That'll make them drink.

Understand the psychology?

Well, I don't want to hurt your feelings,

but I don't understand the psychology.

Look, I'll explain it ya very simple.

Say your a guy and you answer the phone.

And it's your girl.

And she says, Harry, take it like a man.

From now on Joe has took your place in my heart forever more.

What is Harry going to do?

There's the bar all laid out for him.

Congenial company in a bar tend to listen to anything.

What is Harry gonna do?

Right.

And it doesn't make any difference

whether it's his girlfriend, or the boss,

or even if it's the bookie trying to collect a bet.

Good news or bad news, he's bound to take a drink...

sometimes to forget, sometimes to remember.

And then there's... there's the nervous type.

He's going to have a drink before he answers the phone...

Maybe you don't have to work, but I do.

A writer.

Do you mind?

A regular character.

If anybody calls you...

Nobody's going to call me.

But if I get a call from Brooklyn and it's a girl... aw.

Nobody's gonna call me.

But if anybody does, I'll come up and get you.

You don't have to worry about tipping me.

I make my money illegal, but legitimate.

Only I gotta figure you out first.

Yes.

Yes.

We'll do everything we possibly can.

Bye bye.

And now, Miss Tayloe.

What kind of room would you like and what district?

You know, the YWCA may not be able to find it for you.

I'd like to live in the loft of a stable.

A stable.

Did you say you wanted to live in a stable?

Yes, please.

If it isn't too much trouble.

You're aware that there might be horses in that stable?

Oh, yes of course.

I'd favor a stable with horses in it.

But if you can't find one with a horse in it,

I'd still favor a stable even if it was empty.

Oh, well now that makes it much simpler.

I thought... I hoped that I would be

able to find such a place here.

After all, this is Brooklyn, so naturally...

Oh, yes.

Naturally.

Naturally.

Naturally.

[train speeding]

Here, child.

Share this with me.

- Thank you. - Delighted, my dear.

Delighted.

Is anything wrong?

It's nothing, my dear.

Think nothing of it.

It's an allergy that I've developed

ever since coming up north.

I don't know what it is and I've been to dozens

and dozens of doctors.

That wasn't a nice thing to do.

My dear, child.

I am ashamed of myself.

You'd never think I used to be able to empty

a purse with a hand as light as a goose feather.

But you could have asked me.

I ask no one.

And anyway with my police record,

I shouldn't even be seen on the streets.

By the way, honey.

Before you call the coppers, would you treat

me to a meal... a mere gesture.

I promise not to run away.

I couldn't... I...

[screams]

But you got to answer some questions.

Why?

Because you have a pencil and a notebook.

Because it's the law.

I've told you, she doesn't feel well.

Now, isn't that enough?

OK.

We'll let it go with that.

Now, how about a nice clean ambulance?

None of that, dear boy.

No ambulance.

But you're sick, lady.

Why make her sicker?

Ambulance.

Hospitals.

A lot of questions.

I know the whole routine.

Very unhealthy all those questions.

OK.

Then just give the facts.

What's your name?

Perry Tayloe.

You know, I think...

Mind if I get the facts?

T-A-Y-L-O

Add an E.

And the lady?

Ever seen her before?

Enough of this.

Child, I don't want to burden you with... Oh, dear.

Send for the wagon.

You know, they should send you home.

Two will get you five she hasn't even got a home.

She has too got a home.

And how would you know?

Because... because she's my mother.

Your mother, huh?

What kind of a daughter are you not to feed

your own flesh and blood?

Because she was too proud and independent to accept help.

And then one day she ran away from home to see what

she could pick up on her own.

I didn't catch up with her until today.

She didn't want to be a burden on me or on my brother.

You see, I have a brother too.

His name is Edward Tayloe and he lives

at the Grand National Hotel.

She's his mother too.

Now, that makes everything fine.

Doesn't it?

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

OK.

You gonna take her home with ya and take care of her?

Of course.

And your address?

At Grand National?

No, no.

It's 9006 Flatbush Place.

Not the house itself, the stable.

9006 Flatbush Place.

Now, you're doing the right thing.

And where do you live?

Oh, I don't want to get mixed up in this.

I was just waiting for a Downtown Express,

but uh, I'll take a local.

[whimsical music]

Will one of you sweet girls please say something?

My daughter and I have answered all of your questions.

How much longer do we have to stand here?

Maybe they don't want us to rent the stable loft.

We do.

You appear to be satisfactory.

You don't drink.

You don't smoke.

And you're not given to entertaining gentlemen,

of course.

Very satisfactory.

Then we can have it?

Yes.

We'll show it to you.

[marching music]

Come in.

Telephone for you.

For me?

The police department.

Well, it's a gag.

Why should the police want me?

Don't be disturbed, character.

When the police use the telephone

it can't be anything serious.

Maybe they just want you to... to identify a corpse.

It's OK.

You can go that way.

We're informal here.

Hello?

Yes.

Well, this is Eddie Tayloe speaking.

My mother!

Well, if my sister, Perry, told you that,

you can take her word for it.

Yes, sir.

I'll see to it that my mother is properly fed from now on.

Another telephone call.

Your sister.

Tell her... tell her that I... I'll take it.

Hello?

Now, look Perry.

I'm get... yes.

The police called.

No, they didn't finger paint me.

Listen, Perry.

How can you get yourself into so much

trouble in so short a time?

There's been no trouble.

Not one iota.

As a matter of fact, I have something good to tell you.

I found a wonderful mother for you.

But I don't want a mother.

But Red Car needs a mother.

Don't you understand the psychology?

I don't care if Red Car needs a mother.

I'm trying to write a play.

All right.

But don't get hysterical just because I was trying to help

a nice lady who was hungry.

So I arranged to have our mother stay with me.

Go on.

Give me the facts.

Now, if you'll promise not to get mad,

I'll explain something about our mother.

You see, many years ago she had a sort of a... a tendency to um,

to pickpocket.

Did you say that our sweet loving

mother is a notorious pickpocket with a long prison record?

Will you or will you not stand by me.

Of course I'll stand by ya.

What else am I going to do?

But, Perry, please.

Can't you get yourself involved in something

simple... like a triple murder.

Oh, Eddie I'm terribly sorry I've been such a burden to you.

And you have my solemn word that I'll never do anything to make

you angry or upset you again.

OK, Perry.

OK.

I'm not angry with you.

Hello? Hello?

Perry!

Perry!

Hello?

Let me have a double... never mind.

[whimsical music]

[ringing]

Yes?

Well, I'm Eddie Tayloe.

I'm expected I believe.

These are my sisters.

Ms. Pearl Cheever and Ms. Opal Cheever.

How do you do?

He doesn't resemble his mother.

He doesn't resemble his sister.

No.

Well, I take after my father.

Oh.

We do not permit smoking here.

I'm sorry.

We are very disagreeable.

Everyone in the neighborhood says we are mean and spiteful.

And utterly selfish.

And we are.

Yes.

[STUTTERING] I'm sure you're not.

We do not deny the truth.

We are most unpleasant indeed.

And we'd rather you didn't go around Brooklyn

saying nice things about us.

No.

My son.

My dear, dear son.

It's been so long, my darling boy.

You may use the sitting room.

Thank you, dear girls.

Come along, my sweet.

Remember, no smoking.

Excuse us please, dear girls.

You could have called me mother.

Well, I wanted to call you a lot of things,

but that triple threat out there stopped me cold.

Shh!

I called you about Perry.

Well, it's about time.

If I'd known this address, I would

have been here three weeks ago.

Well, Perry didn't want to get in touch with you

until she had a job.

Now, she's got a job.

Well, why didn't she call me?

Well, it's a strange kind of a job she's got, my boy.

If this job is something you got her...

if you're getting her mixed up in something crooked, I'll...

Just look who's talking.

I may have lifted a leather now and then,

but I never pulled a bank job.

But for Perry's sweet sake, your secret shall remain

locked deep within my hear.

What about Perry's job?

What's wrong?

That's why I thought we'd drop down and watch

her while she's at work.

Then, you can decide what course of action to take.

Well, can't you tell me about it?

Where's she working?

Coney Island.

And imagine we can get some hot dogs while we are there.

Come along, my sweet.

What time will you be back, Mrs. Tayloe?

Oh, in an hour.

Or two.

Or three.

And thanks for a most unpleasant time.

You must come again, Mr. Tayloe.

Oh, I will.

Any time I want to get depressed.

We should have listened in on their conversation.

We should have.

Next time, we will.

[fair music]

MAN: Get your hot dogs.

Giant-sized hot dogs.

Coney Island special 12-inches from head to toe.

I'll have one.

You'll have one, what?

Well, I was under the impression

you sold hot dogs here.

Well, speak up, buddy.

I can't read your mind.

Here ya are. Get your hot dogs.

Everybody likes them.

Only ten to a customer.

Mustard?

No.

Take it or leave it, buddy.

In this business, we got a short season.

Excuse me, sir.

I didn't mean to offend you.

Ah, the Park Avenue-type.

Here they are.

Get your Coney Island hot dogs.

But I told you, I didn't want another hot dog.

Well, don't eat it.

I'm just trying to keep both your hands occupied.

Here, hold these for me a minute.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

I know that little guy.

He didn't recognize me, but I spotted him right away.

He's called Doc because he looks like a nerve specialist.

He's one of the smoothest operators in the profession.

Your profession?

Uh-huh.

By the way, you better look and see

if you still got your wallet.

[laughing]

I knew he was lifting them the minute he bumped into ya.

And I suppose you lifted it from him to prove

to me that you've reformed.

No, child.

I just want to see if my technique

is better than the Doc's.

Or maybe I did it for the Perry.

I wish you wouldn't have said reform.

Makes me feel so old and used to it.

Rather you called it retired.

I give you the greatest entertainment

value on the midway.

Ziggy's internationally famous water nymphs.

This is it.

What's Perry doing in there?

We're down here to find out.

And I hope she can swim.

HOST: Presenting the water nymphs.

Here they are, everybody.

Eight dance girls, and each one born and bred in Brooklyn.

And this one all the way from Texas.

Oh, look!

There's Perry.

Say, she's all right.

HOST: Folks!

These girls are not only gorgeous,

they are dare devils as you will soon see for yourself

behind these closed walls.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to have

you meet the girls personally.

Honey, tell the folks your name.

Jane Dean.

[whistling]

Linda Lombard.

Meryl Neming.

Mil Patrick.

Jill Jorg.

Jean [clicks] Stratton.

AUDIENCE: Woohoo!

And you, honey?

Hey, you.

Hey, you.

My name is Perry...

[laughing]

My name is Perry Tayloe...

[laughing continues]

Keep your hands off of her.

Go away, sonny.

You bother me.

MAN: Right down this way, folks.

Come on down.

Right down this way.

The biggest show on the midway.

Come on down, folks.

The biggest show on the midway.

The shows going on now.

Right this way, folks.

The biggest show on the midway.

See the firing.

Come on down.

Right down this way folks.

Come on down this way.

Tickets right this way.

Go on right in.

Right over there, folks.

Get your tickets.

I'm obliged to ya, Eddie.

Even though you made me lose my job, I'm obliged to you

because I know you meant well.

But in the future, please let me pick my own jobs

and you stick to your play writing.

Oh, what's the use?

I give up.

Here.

Call it a loan or, or whatever you want.

You'll need it until you get another job.

Well, thank you.

But I'm not looking for charity.

Good night.

Hey, mother of mine.

Here, you try to give it to her.

Well, she said she didn't want it.

I know, but you're slick enough to figure

out a way of getting it to her.

Or are you going to get high hat on me too?

Frankly, yes.

We... and I speak for my daughter and myself... want no

further interference from you.

I told you, Mr. Arco never does musicals.

Junior.

How many times do I have to tell you

to keep that phone off the hook when I'm trying to eat.

Eating?

Yeah I was having a little snack in there,

but I've got a very sensitive stomach.

And I can't eat a thing with that phone ringing and...

So you mean to tell me that you've been eating

all the time I've been waiting.

Junior?

Yeah.

Who is this man?

He wrote a play.

I returned it to him but, he insisted on

a personal interview with you.

I told him you'd be tied up for at least an hour.

And all that time you were only eating.

Well, why not?

I didn't bother you when you were working on your play

did I?

Why do you feel that you should bother

me when I'm trying to eat? [electric shaver]

Oh, stop that.

This is no beauty parlor!

Now, do you mind if I return to my chicken sandwich

on white toast with no dressing?

Wait a minute.

Before you go, I would like to know something.

In fact, I've reached the point where I must know.

You see, everybody on Broadway has turned down my play.

Now that I've exhausted the field, I've got to know.

Should I try to write another play?

I never read your play.

You nev... Well, how could you turn it down?

Because Junior didn't like it.

Junior didn't like it?

How could you let a thing like that pass judgment on my play?

Well, wait a minute, son.

Take it easy.

Junior has an uncanny eye for anything that looks

like a potential hit play.

Why he could get a million jobs tomorrow any place on Broadway.

But he's my son and I won't let him go.

Junior, tell the gentleman if has any talent.

I don't care what he thinks.

Eh, you asked me a question.

Junior will have to answer you, I can't.

All right.

I'll take his opinion.

So Eddie asked Junior.

But even Junior didn't like it.

Nobody liked it.

Eddie was a bust.

When I met up with him, Eddie had fire coming out of his eyes

and smoke coming out of his ears.

Hold it, Mike.

You better hitch-up that third horse.

What's more?

What's more with what?

What's more with the story?

How many times does that horse have to kick me

before I get the end?

So far, pal, you've only been riding side-saddle.

Now, we really go places, because here's

where I met up with Eddie.

You remember the bell hop?

Well, Eddie tried to pass that bar once too often.

It was a night that Joe was sick and had

asked me to stand in for him.

Bar tender!

Martin!

Good evening.

Sorry to keep you waiting.

I was just getting ready to close up.

OK, what will ya have?

Poison.

[chuckles]

What kind of a chaser?

Don't be a comedian.

Give me a bourbon and water.

Bourbon and water.

You can call me Mike.

Why?

[chuckles]

That's my name.

Oh.

I want a bourbon.

Ya I know.

But I want you try one of these.

It's a little concoction of my own.

Look, I ordered a straight bourbon.

Yeah, I know.

But just try one of these.

Now, can I have a straight bourbon?

Good, huh?

What do they call this drink?

Golden horse.

OK, Mike.

Let me have another golden horse.

[chuckles]

You're new around here aren't ya, Mike?

Hm?

You're new around here.

Oh, yeah.

I'm only here for the evening.

Joe has a cold.

Oh.

Say, Mike.

How do you make this uh, golden horse?

Well first, a little dab of Texas sunshine.

Then, some rain.

A little hale.

Got to have some hale.

[chuckles]

Some snow.

Couple of earthquakes.

Then, you make a very tiny waterfall out of it.

Just a little teensy one.

And you top it off with some good old mother ale.

[chuckles]

I like you, Mike.

You've got a great sense of humor.

Poor one for yourself.

Thanks, Eddie.

How'd you know my name was Eddie?

Oh, um, he told me when you first came in.

Oh.

Eddie really tied one on that night.

Six hours and twelve bars later, I got the whole story.

How he cost Perry a job and how he was the world's worst play

write.

Along with it, I got the idea that there might be something

I could do for these kids.

[audio out] things first, got Eddie sobered up the easy way.

Flat on his back in Prospect Park.

Mike?

Mike!

[chuckles]

How is it, Eddie?

New world's record for a hangover.

[chuckles]

Well, a Turkish bath ought to help you a lot.

There's one near here too.

Best Turkish bath in Brooklyn.

Brooklyn, a truly wondrous place.

I thought you'd like it.

At Prospect Park.

Oh.

Oh, I could lie here for hours.

It's like Texas without the sagebrush.

You know what I need?

A long ride on a horse.

That'd fix me up.

Well, let's try the Turkish bath first.

And while we're there, you can get your clothes cleaned.

Then, if you want, you can rent a horse.

I'll go along with ya on that Turkish bath deal.

The horse is out.

[thunder rumbles]

It's going to be pouring here in a few minutes.

I wouldn't take a mule out in such weather.

Say, I know where we can rent a horse

and the rain won't even touch us.

And you can have any kind of a gait that you want.

Fast or slow.

Or one that will rock you like a baby in a cradle.

And you can have your Texas sagebrush too.

Where is this heavenly spot?

Right here in Brooklyn.

This Brooklyn is truly a wondrous place.

[thunder rumbles]

The Turkish bath was one thing, but this I don't believe.

Here, I get to ride a horse through sagebrush?

Come on, Eddie.

MIKE [VOICEOVER]: So, I took him to Mr.

Gaboolian's Riding Academy.

It was strictly out of this world and that

included Mr. Gaboolian.

He was a whacked up guy.

A fugitive from Ripley.

EDDIE: Wow!

What is it a zoo?

Mike, you're a man of your word.

It's all here.

I'm wondering if I am.

MIKE [VOICEOVER]: Well, it was a place a man can go

when he got fed up work 9 to 5.

But two bits of Mr. Gaboolian's he could live dangerous.

Sail the seven seas and track down wild game.

[chuckles]

Yeah.

The Academy was something.

And it was just what the doctor ordered for the kid.

Soon as Eddie got one foot inside the place,

I could see his troubles begin to peel off.

I'll give you a choice of any horse in the place.

Use that one.

Aw.

Hello, Mr. Gaboolian.

Sorry to disturb you.

[chuckles] Meet my friend, Eddie.

Eddie and I want to ride your horses.

Excuse me, gentlemen.

The rain was so heavy, so I think nobody comes.

So I held me sleep in the [inaudible] elephant.

Excuse, gentlemen, please.

Please.

What's he doing up there?

Hm?

That's Captain Lars Bjorn.

He was a real skipper once.

That boat teaches you not to become sea sick, huh?

[laughing]

I guess so.

Excuse please, gentlemen.

Boy, I've seen some gems in my life,

but this is really a beaut.

Good afternoon, Mr. MacWirther.

Good day, to you.

It's a miserable day out.

Oh, sure.

It's good that you are here.

[adventurous music]

[chuckling]

He's Mr. Robert Bruce MacWirther.

He owns a nice beauty store on Fulton Street.

So every day he rides the camel.

[adventurous music continues]

He looks like he's having a lot of fun.

Oh, the fun.

That's all me think that makes him happy.

[chuckling]

Now, this is to start.

When you ride it fast, move forward.

Perry would really love this.

She'd go crazy with this machine.

Hey, Mike!

Look at me!

Might have crossed west Texas!

Yahoo!

Yipee!

Come on!

No hands.

Oh, you're good!

Yahoo!

Mr. Gaboolian?

Yes?

I want to make you a business proposition.

You say?

I want you to a hire a young girl

to help you run this place.

Maybe I better wash my face.

My eyes, maybe they are opened, but my mind is still asleep.

Excuse me, please.

Mr. Gaboolian?

Yes?

She'd be wonderful for you.

She loves horses and, and she could

fix any mechanical gadget in case something should go wrong.

[chuckling]

You make a joke.

Excuse me, please.

Mr. Gaboolian!

And yes?

I mean it most seriously.

She would be a real help.

Help me what, sir, please?

Help me not to see a customer?

Help me not to pay the rent?

Help me not eat like a man should eat?

Help me that way, mister?

No.

It's not right.

You shouldn't make fun of me.

Excuse me.

I go back to sleep.

Mr. Gaboolian.

Yes?

I know you can't afford it, so I'll

give you her salary every week and then you can pay her.

Or in other words, she'll be getting the job on her own.

Understand?

Why should I go back to sleep?

I stand here and I sleep already.

Don't you see?

This girl needs a job.

And I want her to have this one, here.

You'll have someone to help you and it will cost you nothing.

It will cost me nothing?

Absolutely nothing.

I'll even pay for the ad in the paper.

Wanted.

Young girl from Texas.

Must know and love all kinds of horses.

Must be honor graduate of correspondence course.

Now, remember.

The only one you hire is Perry Tayloe.

Perry Tay...

EDDIE: I'll write it all out for you later.

What have you got to lose?

Just think, Mr. Gaboolian.

You can sleep as much as you want.

I'll think it over.

What is there to think about?

Nothing.

One needs to me think sound like better business.

So I think it over for a minute, please.

Then, I give you my answer, which will be yes.

Swell.

Now, we each put in a nickel to begin with.

That's my girls.

Now, let me see your hand.

Now, you remember.

You all promised Perry you would learn play games.

You know how anxious she is to liven up the place.

And how are you going to play poker

if you don't let me teach you?

That's my girl.

Well, you have a very bad poker hand, dear.

2, 4, 7, 10, Jack... there's nothing at all.

But if I were you, I'd hold on to this Jack,

because that's your highest card.

See?

And ask for four more cards.

I'll gladly give them to you.

Nice, fresh, new ones.

Now... no you hold on to that, dear.

Now, Ruby, let me see what you have.

Why that's wonderful!

You've got a pair of fours.

Now, if I get a pair of two's or three's, you will beat me.

You see?

You see how simple it is to play poker?

Now, dear, let's see what you have.

Oh.

Well, you have a very good hand dear.

Three queens and a pair of aces.

A very good hand indeed.

But in poker, one must always try to improve one's hand,

so I'd throw away these two aces.

And try buy another queen, because four queens, you see,

would give you a perfectly lovely hand.

Now, we each put in another nickel

in order buy a fresh card.

Come along.

Oh, how I wish Perry were here to see you play.

Now, three for you.

1, 2, 3.

And two for you.

1, 2.

And four for you.

1, 2, 3, 4.

Now, I'm not taking anything.

That's what's called standing pat.

Now, we'll all show our hands in order to see whose won.

Well now, calm, calm girls.

If we don't show our hands, how are we going

to know who's the lucky girl?

And the lucky one wins all the money

in the center of the table.

Now... now, I have a straight.

5, 6, 7, 8, 9.

Now, you remember what I told you about a straight?

I'm going to be awfully hard to beat.

Awfully hard.

But!

That's the game of poker for you.

That's what makes it so terribly exciting.

Now, let's see, dearest.

What you have?

Come along.

Awe, you poor unlucky thing.

You haven't got anything, not even a pair.

Now, let's see what you have, dear.

Well, you still have only a pair of four's.

That doesn't beat a straight.

Now, dearest.

Let's see what you have.

Four queens.

Four of a kind beats a straight.

That's what you taught us.

I sure enough taught you that.

I sure enough did.

Well, we'll have to try another time.

I've got a job.

A new job.

A wonderful job.

A most heavenly job.

Oh, good news is always good news.

I'm so happy for you, darling.

It's just what I've always wanted.

Horses, and a camel, and an elephant,

and a lot of other things!

I didn't know the circus was in town.

It isn't.

We always know when it comes.

We always get free passes from our grocer, Mr. Prickle.

No, no, no.

It's a riding academy.

And all the animals are mechanical.

But their so life-like, their practically real.

And I'm to be executive manager, isn't that too good to be true?

Oh, no.

But I've got to have a riding habit.

I wouldn't look as if I were running the place unless I did.

You know, I've noticed that our dear,

dear, Cheever sisters are very handy with a sewing machine.

We've never made a riding habit.

Only mother hubbards.

And slip covers.

Yes, but under my supervision, dear girls,

you'll make a riding habit.

A more than suitable riding habit.

But first, let's return all the losings to the losers.

You were the only loser.

Well, I guess I'll have to teach

you how to play gin rummy.

There were about 50 other girls for the job, but I got it.

All in all, those three ghouls downstairs took me for $8.40.

I tried black jack, casino, double solitaire.

I even invented a game and called it chuck full of luck.

But that's a commodity of which, the Cheever sisters

seem to have a monopoly.

But it's worth it.

Do you notice how congenial they'll become?

I knew it would work.

And I'm so grateful to you.

After all, it's your money, child.

If you don't mind spending it trying to warm up those three

ice cubes in petticoats.

Turn around.

Not that I think they ever will warm up.

Oh, yes they will I've already convinced them

to come to the Academy one of these days

and try a ride on the animals.

I don't get it.

This concern you have for other folks.

I don't get it at all.

I met a lot of people in my day, both inside

of prisons and outside.

But somebody like you, what do you expect to get out of it?

Oh, if I make people happy, it makes me feel good.

That's all.

But what about making yourself happy?

But I am, very.

I'll let you in on a little secret, you're not.

And I'm referring to that certain party

named Eddie Tayloe.

You know, I was in love with my probation officer once.

I had such a crush on him, it gave me a thrill

just to report to his office.

But of course, I had to curb any display of affection,

because after all, he was my probation officer.

But you and this Eddie...

How do I look?

Don't ask me.

Ask Eddie Tayloe.

Dear, child.

You interfered in my life, so I feel I have

a right to interfere in yours.

You did something that state prisons,

penitentiaries, small jails, and eight parole boards

couldn't do.

You made an honest woman of me.

Of course, there's enough larceny in me

to keep me attractive.

But I want to do something for you.

May I, sweet?

I know what you're going to say.

Well, then why don't you do it?

I can't!

I can't now.

Not until he's finished his play,

because that's what he wants to do more than anything

else in the world.

And, and I wouldn't want to clutter things up for him.

You could help.

That's what a woman's for... to make a man

think he's successful.

Oh, no, no.

He told me definitely.

He works alone.

After he's a success in the theater

then maybe... well, maybe then.

Well, I tried to help.

But you have.

If I were certain... if I were really

certain that Eddie wanted me... you know what I mean.

The least you can do is to call up that idiot.

And tell him you're working and where.

I'll do it.

I'll do it right now.

Eddie?

I took the liberty of coming here.

You don't have to apologize for visiting me.

I'm not apologizing.

I came to say goodbye.

Goodbye?

You mean like farewell?

I've been wanting to say, farewell, to everyone.

To you, to Mike, except Mike isn't around.

So farewell, Perry.

Farewell, Eddie.

And goodbye.

They turned down your play?

And you're giving up?

That's not right.

You've got to have faith.

Particularly in yourself.

Faith?

Yes, faith.

And don't make it sound like some cheap commodity

flooding the morgue.

I didn't come here to argue, Perry.

Let's part as friends.

Now, we're parting?

After I say goodbye, I... I guess the next step

is for us to part.

How do you go about it?

Well, I wasn't planning on shaking your hand

if that's what you mean?

Course not.

Or waving you, so long.

Or slapping you on the back.

No.

That would be in bad taste.

You may fall in love with me now.

Thanks.

PERRY: Mr. Gaboolian?

Yes?

PERRY: I have figured out just how

this business should be run.

You say?

I've made a graph according to seasonal changes.

Yes, just please.

I go back to sleep.

PERRY: And Mr. Gaboolian?

Yes?

I have made a very detailed study as to why business

has been bad up til now.

A study she makes.

It's easy like pie when nobody comes in and uses the machines.

Then business is bad.

So far, six months one people... three people

come in, so I know business is bad.

I know it.

Mrs. Gaboolian knows it.

And all my relations know it.

Now, she comes and makes it with pen and paper

and tells me that business is bad.

Big surprise.

Excuse, please.

I go back to sleep.

He's upset, because I had him print up a thousand hand

bills to advertise the plays.

Mandy's going to give them out in various sections

of Brooklyn.

You think that will help, huh?

Oh, yes.

The point is so few people really know about the Academy.

All we have are two regulars, like Capt. Bjorn over there

and Robert Bruce MacWirther, who comes in every day

to ride across the track...

Is he still at it?

Huh?

How did you know about him?

I think I'll take a pony ride.

Why, Mr. MacWirther.

Are you going to take another ride today?

Indeed I am.

I've been feeling restless all day.

And I thought, if no one else is going to use it...

Oh, no, Mr. MacWirther.

That camel is yours.

Thank you.

[adventurous music]

I just brought you three more customers.

All right, girls.

Come in.

[marching music]

They were a little unwilling at first, but here they are.

Oh, I'm sure you all will have a perfectly wonderful time.

Why shouldn't they have?

I just taught them how to shoot craps.

They won close to $6.00 from me and the dice were loaded.

May I offer you the finest horses in the stable?

Oh, thank you.

Now, you two girls take this one.

Need help, Mandy?

Thank you, I don't need any help.

Ms. Cheever.

Stirrup.

Up you go.

There we are.

Have fun.

[racing music]

How did I get here?

Let's go.

Yippee!

MANDY: Yippee!

[laughing]

Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could have business like this

every day, all day long?

Then you would be completely happy, huh?

Almost, Eddie.

If only Gaboolian would change the name of the place.

Yeah.

That's a good idea.

I've got a name for you.

The Golden Horse Academy.

The Golden Horse Academy.

That's perfect.

It would be a good name for a ranch too.

Let's speed it up.

[fast racing music]

What can that be?

Maybe they're using too much juice.

It could be an overload.

Mr. Gaboolian, you do something!

You hear me, Mr. Gaboolian?

Huh?

You do something right now!

Hey!

Whoa!

Where's the main switch?

Ship ahoy!

The main switch.

Tell me where it is.

The switch.

Go faster!

Hey!

Hey!

Hey!

Man the life boats, you land-lover scum of the war!

We're headin' for Davey Jones locker!

Ah!

What happened, please?

What a ride.

Too much business.

Just too much business.

Yes.

You still riding with me?

Leavers have no small talk, pal.

You better get that horse going again.

Mhm.

This one you get for free.

That's the one I've been waiting for.

Well, by this time, Gaboolian had enough

and decided to sell the joint.

And who do you think bought it?

Eddie.

And you know why?

Just to keep Perry working.

Just to give her a job.

Of course, Perry didn't know that Eddie

sunk his last $800 in it.

Eddie and I figured that this Academy

deal would clear up everything.

But the place just didn't seem to catch on.

Even with Perry running it and with all the face

she had in it.

Christmas Eve came along.

And Eddie and Perry were only two jumps ahead of the sheriff.

Say, what do you think could be happening up there at 11:00PM?

That's Gaboolian's place, isn't it?

Used to be.

It's been called The Golden Horse Academy

the past couple of weeks.

Think maybe they're having a Christmas party up there?

[SINGING] The first noel, the angels did...

MIKE [VOICEOVER]: We had a big party.

Well, it was supposed to be big.

But we wound up just trying to be gay.

Robert Bruce MacWirther showed up along with a whole hang

of Santa Clauses.

All members of The Big Brothers of St. Nicholas,

South Brooklyn Branch.

The old boys rode the stuffing out of the menagerie,

but the cash register never rang once.

[SINGING] Noel!

Born is the King of Israel.

Then, Officer Carmody came in.

Well, Merry Christmas, Marcus!

I'd like to have you meet my friends, Perry and Eddie.

How do you do?

How do you do, Marcus?

I said, I'd like to have you meet

my friends, Perry and Eddie.

Oh.

How do... how do you do?

And a very Merry Christmas to you.

I've noticed the lights up here ever since I've been on duty,

but I did nothing about it.

That's right.

Tonight's the night for leaving people alone.

Yes... then I see what looks to me like a crowd of Santa

Clauses coming to this build.

I followed them in.

Get the point?

Oh, great work.

MIKE [VOICEOVER]: When I saw his eyes pop

at the place jumping with Santa Clauses,

something snapped in my noggin.

Strange, yes.

But nothing that would make me report

this incident to headquarters.

You see, Christmas Eve is a night for leaving people alone.

What do you mean there's nothing wrong?

Huh?

How would it look if a passerby saw them come in and reported

it to your superior officer?

How would you look if you said you didn't think it was

important enough to call the station when you saw

a hoard of Santa Clauses come in here

and take over the riding academy at this time of night?

You think I ought to check with the Sergeant?

Is that the sort of thing that happens to you every night?

But this is Christmas Eve.

Well, does that explain the situation as far as an officer

of the law is concerned?

Don't let anyone leave.

I'm going to call the station.

Come with me.

Get me the numbers of all the newspapers.

Manhattan as well as Brooklyn.

Hello?

City desk, please.

Soda pop?

Yes, dear.

I'll have just a teensy.

Really, girls.

There's a limit to how far we can go.

Why?

I don't know.

Yes.

Well, just a few.

You sure you're not drunk, Carmody?

All right, I'll check on it.

I'll check on you at the same time.

Sure, there's a story in it.

Sounds like a lot of human interest.

I'll send a man over.

Bye.

Well, if you won't help me, I'll

call the police commissioner.

I tell you, he does this every Christmas Eve,

but he always gets home in time for dinner.

Something must have happened to him.

Here's the newspaper in the Bronx.

Well, give it to me!

We want complete coverage.

50 Santy Clauses?

This time of the night?

Have you got the address?

Yes, Alice.

I've already called the police.

Oh, you have too?

Well, what could have happened to them?

We just got a tip about 100 Santa Clauses

all drunk, running wild some place in Brooklyn.

Yes, lady.

I got all that.

Now how was your husband dressed?

Oh, like Santa Clause, huh?

[chuckles] Maybe he got stuck down the wrong chimney?

Now, look, lady.

Don't take it so serious.

We'll find your husband all right?

No sense of humor.

[chuckles]

Gin.

[bell dinging]

Now, listen to me!

Listen to me, all of you.

Your wives and your children, your friends, your neighbors

are burning up the telephone wires is asking if any of you

is behind bars at the police station.

Or laying all torn to pieces on a hospital bed.

Or stretched stone dead on a cold slab at the morgue.

Well, are ya?

[laughter]

I... I got a list of names to check on.

You guys are going home right away.

Big smile, now.

Oh, come on.

Bigger than that.

You know, um, with this publicity and everything,

you have a pretty valuable piece of property.

Well, the Cheever sisters want to buy it.

What do you think, Perry?

Well, we could always use the money to buy a ranch.

In Texas perhaps.

I merely offer it as a suggestion.

We'll raise herds of golden horses, Eddie.

Real golden horses.

Maybe 50 of them to begin with.

And... and a lot of little golden colts.

100 golden horses, Perry?

To begin with?

And after that, well, maybe many, many more.

You know, my grandfather used to have several thousand

on his ranch.

Eddie Tayloe, now don't you start pretending.

[chuckling]

MIKE [VOICEOVER]: And so, Eddie and Perry

got their ranch, which is what they both wanted all the time.

Now, in Texas, babies come on golden horses.

None of that stork business in Texas.

No, sir.

And that whole ranch was loaded with golden horses.

You expect me to believe all that?

How'd you like the drink?

Fine.

Didn't even feel them.

So long, Mike.

So long.

[music fanfare]