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1
00:00:04,720 --> 00:00:07,300
Are you excited that your daddy's coming
home?
2
00:00:08,060 --> 00:00:10,040
You remember your daddy, don't you?
3
00:00:10,240 --> 00:00:12,920
He's got a big head and funny hair just
like you do.
4
00:00:15,720 --> 00:00:17,360
There's so much to tell him.
5
00:00:17,800 --> 00:00:20,920
It's almost like some insane woman made
it all up.
6
00:00:23,680 --> 00:00:29,160
And while daddy was out in California
counting fat grams and pointing out nose
7
00:00:29,160 --> 00:00:32,659
jobs, we were in New York City.
8
00:00:33,940 --> 00:00:35,900
New York is funny, huh?
9
00:00:36,660 --> 00:00:39,500
King Kong didn't fall. He actually
jumped.
10
00:00:41,900 --> 00:00:45,040
Thank you. And Aunt Jackie's dating a
prince.
11
00:00:46,020 --> 00:00:47,220
You got lots bigger.
12
00:00:48,840 --> 00:00:50,580
And so did Darlene's tummy.
13
00:00:51,720 --> 00:00:57,240
And DJ's funny voice went away, which is
a relief to all the doggies in the
14
00:00:57,240 --> 00:00:58,240
neighborhood.
15
00:00:59,480 --> 00:01:00,480
Oh,
16
00:01:00,720 --> 00:01:01,720
and one more thing.
17
00:01:02,140 --> 00:01:03,980
Grandma came out of the closet.
18
00:01:04,840 --> 00:01:09,880
Can you say, uh -oh? Uh -oh.
19
00:01:10,800 --> 00:01:14,480
What doesn't kill us is making us
stronger.
20
00:01:15,240 --> 00:01:20,100
We're gonna last longer than that
greatest wall in China.
21
00:01:20,400 --> 00:01:23,140
Oh, that rapping with a drum.
22
00:01:23,640 --> 00:01:30,020
There's one thing that I've heard while
waiting for my turn.
23
00:01:30,400 --> 00:01:37,320
Is that in each glass of rainfall But
you also get some sun That will make
24
00:01:37,320 --> 00:01:43,680
out better than okay Hear what I say
Yeah
25
00:02:02,860 --> 00:02:03,860
Prinsley Animal.
26
00:02:05,860 --> 00:02:07,360
I got to go.
27
00:02:07,900 --> 00:02:10,800
No. No, I can't.
28
00:02:11,360 --> 00:02:13,040
No, I can't.
29
00:02:13,420 --> 00:02:14,620
Because I'm not alone.
30
00:02:16,240 --> 00:02:19,600
No. Okay, I will. Okay.
31
00:02:20,140 --> 00:02:21,460
Oh, you bet I will.
32
00:02:23,160 --> 00:02:24,160
Bye -bye.
33
00:02:26,760 --> 00:02:29,220
If you're going to have sex, use your
own phone.
34
00:02:31,160 --> 00:02:32,160
For then.
35
00:02:32,620 --> 00:02:36,260
I have never experienced anything like
this before in my life. I mean, I knew
36
00:02:36,260 --> 00:02:41,500
that the prince was a romantic in
person, but on the phone... The boom!
37
00:02:43,640 --> 00:02:45,640
So, what kind of stuff did he say?
38
00:02:45,980 --> 00:02:47,340
Well, you know, just stuff.
39
00:02:48,020 --> 00:02:52,340
Come on, I had to listen to every detail
about how boring Fred was. Now, I want
40
00:02:52,340 --> 00:02:53,380
to hear about the royal stud.
41
00:02:53,720 --> 00:02:57,040
Well, he said that he wanted to be my...
42
00:03:01,870 --> 00:03:05,250
So that he could be with me. I mean,
really with me.
43
00:03:05,570 --> 00:03:06,650
All day long.
44
00:03:12,230 --> 00:03:15,890
That has got to be the grossest thing
I've ever heard in my life.
45
00:03:16,250 --> 00:03:18,610
Boy, you picked yourself a real winner
there.
46
00:03:19,450 --> 00:03:22,090
Uh, so has Dan called you lately?
47
00:03:22,590 --> 00:03:23,790
Yes, he has.
48
00:03:24,110 --> 00:03:26,290
Oh, not like that, but yeah.
49
00:03:28,330 --> 00:03:31,450
Man, I miss him so much. I know.
50
00:03:31,680 --> 00:03:32,519
you do.
51
00:03:32,520 --> 00:03:37,040
You know, every morning I get up and
he's not there and just for a second I
52
00:03:37,040 --> 00:03:38,220
think he's in the bathroom.
53
00:03:38,680 --> 00:03:42,940
But then I see that TV guy in that
yellow highlighter and I know he's not
54
00:03:42,940 --> 00:03:46,500
bathroom. He's out in California with
his mom. Well, he'll be back in a couple
55
00:03:46,500 --> 00:03:50,720
weeks. Yeah, I know, but it's still
tough, you know. We've never been apart
56
00:03:50,720 --> 00:03:51,880
long in our whole relationship.
57
00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:58,520
And I mean, I feel like I've changed,
you know.
58
00:03:59,150 --> 00:04:02,770
I made all my own decisions. I went
wherever I wanted to go with whoever I
59
00:04:02,770 --> 00:04:03,770
wanted to go with.
60
00:04:04,230 --> 00:04:08,050
I was, like, totally on my own. Now I'm
a little nervous about when Dan comes
61
00:04:08,050 --> 00:04:11,190
back and I go back to making the
decisions for both of us again.
62
00:04:11,910 --> 00:04:15,970
You know, you'll bark him down a couple
of times, and after a few days,
63
00:04:15,990 --> 00:04:17,110
everything will be back to normal.
64
00:04:17,829 --> 00:04:22,510
Yeah, I don't know, though. I just, I
feel really nervous about him seeing me.
65
00:04:22,670 --> 00:04:24,170
You've been married for 25 years.
66
00:04:24,620 --> 00:04:28,300
Yeah, I know, but that whole time I just
kept him here in Lampard all isolated,
67
00:04:28,520 --> 00:04:31,800
you know. And he's been out in
California, you know, and he comes back
68
00:04:31,800 --> 00:04:34,540
see me in a different way. Where's all
this coming from?
69
00:04:34,960 --> 00:04:35,960
I don't know.
70
00:04:35,980 --> 00:04:38,320
Just, I've got a weird feeling.
71
00:04:41,060 --> 00:04:45,040
Go see Barbara's movie tonight. She was
so great on Oprah.
72
00:04:45,360 --> 00:04:49,200
You know, remember after we saw Stars
Blowing, when I got our hair all... Two
73
00:04:49,200 --> 00:04:50,200
hands on the wheel, please!
74
00:04:52,940 --> 00:04:57,300
I am feeling a little anxious. My mother
is not the easiest person to talk to.
75
00:04:57,640 --> 00:05:01,160
Maybe we ought to turn the car off. No,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You're just
76
00:05:01,160 --> 00:05:03,040
a bit confused, and it's perfectly
natural.
77
00:05:03,280 --> 00:05:07,400
You've kept this thing hidden for such a
long time. I remember when I had the
78
00:05:07,400 --> 00:05:09,260
talk with my parents, okay?
79
00:05:09,640 --> 00:05:13,380
And there was a long, awkward silence,
and then my mother just turned to my
80
00:05:13,380 --> 00:05:15,620
father and said, You owe me ten bucks.
81
00:05:17,780 --> 00:05:21,780
Mine didn't even go that smoothly. My
father would not talk to me for five
82
00:05:21,780 --> 00:05:26,180
years. Every Thanksgiving, he would turn
the TV set away so I couldn't watch the
83
00:05:26,180 --> 00:05:27,180
football game.
84
00:05:28,140 --> 00:05:32,620
Horrible. What about your mother? Oh,
once a mama's boy, always a mama's boy.
85
00:05:33,900 --> 00:05:38,200
We're almost there. Just turn left at
that stop sign. Left it is.
86
00:05:38,580 --> 00:05:39,860
Tell us when to pull in.
87
00:05:40,120 --> 00:05:42,460
Oh, you'll recognize the house.
88
00:05:43,020 --> 00:05:44,020
Whoa.
89
00:05:45,640 --> 00:05:48,760
What? In the name of Brian Boitano.
90
00:05:51,480 --> 00:05:57,020
Get a load of all those pink flamingos.
Is that thing in the middle of the yard
91
00:05:57,020 --> 00:06:00,200
that looks like a giant windmill made
out of Campbell soup cans?
92
00:06:01,520 --> 00:06:02,520
That's the place.
93
00:06:03,760 --> 00:06:04,760
Whoa.
94
00:06:04,980 --> 00:06:06,580
Think we better lock it up, fellas.
95
00:06:25,040 --> 00:06:27,660
Thank you. Mary, is that a real windmill
out there?
96
00:06:27,880 --> 00:06:29,580
You can bet your ass it is.
97
00:06:30,540 --> 00:06:36,780
Listen, I brought it from Amsterdam
right after the Spanish Civil War. Wow.
98
00:06:37,120 --> 00:06:40,000
It used to be in my bedroom when I was a
little girl.
99
00:06:41,120 --> 00:06:43,560
Mother, I see the place hasn't changed
much.
100
00:06:43,880 --> 00:06:45,220
Yeah, it sure is interesting.
101
00:06:45,660 --> 00:06:46,680
Oh, you like it, Leon?
102
00:06:47,000 --> 00:06:50,280
Well, it does explain where Roseanne
gets her taste.
103
00:06:53,680 --> 00:06:56,420
Absolutely love this old trunk.
104
00:06:57,580 --> 00:06:59,280
Ornate, yet calm.
105
00:07:00,320 --> 00:07:05,020
I traded Meyer Lansky, the famous
gangster, for it.
106
00:07:05,460 --> 00:07:09,900
Mother's wild stories that everyone has
heard a thousand times.
107
00:07:10,580 --> 00:07:15,920
No, not here. Not a block off the
highway in the middle of corn country.
108
00:07:16,260 --> 00:07:17,260
Oh, my.
109
00:07:17,500 --> 00:07:18,580
Oh, my.
110
00:07:19,340 --> 00:07:22,900
I feel safe. Give me air. Give me air.
111
00:07:26,640 --> 00:07:28,500
Tell me that that isn't authentic
Picasso.
112
00:07:28,900 --> 00:07:30,600
It better be a real Picasso.
113
00:07:31,000 --> 00:07:33,600
I posed nude for that for four days.
114
00:07:33,820 --> 00:07:34,820
Got to bone you.
115
00:07:34,940 --> 00:07:36,260
Oh, that old etch.
116
00:07:37,620 --> 00:07:41,520
Oh, like you knew Picasso. Give me a big
break.
117
00:07:41,960 --> 00:07:43,540
Here's what I'd like to give you.
118
00:07:44,980 --> 00:07:48,060
Scott, let's go antiquing. No. Yes,
right now.
119
00:07:48,340 --> 00:07:49,940
I love it when you're impulsive.
120
00:07:51,520 --> 00:07:55,840
I just think there's a Gustav Stickley
rocking chair out there with our names
121
00:07:55,840 --> 00:07:59,320
it. She slept with Picasso. In a cubic
second.
122
00:08:00,880 --> 00:08:04,700
All right, Beverly, what the hell are
you doing here? You haven't been here
123
00:08:04,800 --> 00:08:06,060
uh... Were you ever here?
124
00:08:07,580 --> 00:08:11,820
Yeah, but it's been a long time.
Actually, I thought we might, uh, chat.
125
00:08:12,400 --> 00:08:14,160
Okay, let's chat.
126
00:08:17,280 --> 00:08:21,280
You and I have never had a mother
-daughter...
127
00:08:21,900 --> 00:08:26,160
and now that I am all grown up, I think
it's time we did.
128
00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:30,060
Oh, God, I was hoping it was spawned for
another decade.
129
00:08:31,520 --> 00:08:32,520
Mother!
130
00:08:32,860 --> 00:08:33,859
Yeah, what?
131
00:08:33,860 --> 00:08:39,640
Well, you see, I am at a crossroads in
my life. I mean, I just don't know where
132
00:08:39,640 --> 00:08:40,640
I'm going.
133
00:08:41,419 --> 00:08:47,220
Ever since I blurted out to the world
that I'm attracted to women, why did you
134
00:08:47,220 --> 00:08:48,220
do this?
135
00:08:52,360 --> 00:08:54,180
Oh, yeah. I was there. I remember.
136
00:08:54,940 --> 00:08:59,440
I realized that my whole life is just
one mistake after another.
137
00:08:59,840 --> 00:09:01,480
Oh, man, that really sucks.
138
00:09:05,840 --> 00:09:07,140
It's true, Mom.
139
00:09:07,800 --> 00:09:13,800
Yes. I quit secretarial school despite
the fact that I excelled in stenography.
140
00:09:14,100 --> 00:09:16,900
Yes. I married the first man who came
along.
141
00:09:17,220 --> 00:09:19,280
You married the first schmuck that came
along.
142
00:09:21,200 --> 00:09:24,400
Mother, I came here in search of
answers, not criticism.
143
00:09:24,640 --> 00:09:27,720
That is not criticism. That was a
commentary.
144
00:09:29,440 --> 00:09:33,820
Mother, I came here for help. I thought
you could perhaps give me some hint,
145
00:09:33,960 --> 00:09:38,280
some clue, something to help me
understand myself.
146
00:09:38,520 --> 00:09:40,500
You are a rebel, just like me.
147
00:09:40,780 --> 00:09:46,420
You just had different things to rebel
against. What are you babbling about?
148
00:09:46,420 --> 00:09:47,420
right, sit down.
149
00:09:48,880 --> 00:09:51,840
Now, remember when I used to get drunk
with Hemingway?
150
00:09:52,080 --> 00:09:53,200
I wasn't there.
151
00:09:53,540 --> 00:09:54,600
Well, you remember.
152
00:09:54,900 --> 00:09:59,120
And I used to go smoke reefers in Harlem
with the jazz crowd.
153
00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:04,640
Well, you were rebelling against the
woman that I was then.
154
00:10:05,500 --> 00:10:11,800
You became a kind of uptight, repressed
conformist. Does any of this help you,
155
00:10:11,820 --> 00:10:12,820
honey?
156
00:10:13,720 --> 00:10:16,880
I was not uptight and repressed.
157
00:10:17,230 --> 00:10:22,430
I was a realist. Someone had to be. All
you did was wake me up in the middle of
158
00:10:22,430 --> 00:10:27,490
the night so we could skip out on the
rent and move on to another town or move
159
00:10:27,490 --> 00:10:29,110
on to another boyfriend.
160
00:10:29,530 --> 00:10:33,430
I never knew where we were going to
live. I never went to the same school. I
161
00:10:33,430 --> 00:10:37,090
never knew when you'd come home at
night. You were mentally unstable.
162
00:10:38,250 --> 00:10:39,450
No, Beverly.
163
00:10:39,910 --> 00:10:44,090
What I was was what they used to call a
free spirit.
164
00:10:44,790 --> 00:10:45,790
Yes, I was.
165
00:10:48,040 --> 00:10:50,780
young, so I parked you with my mother
for a couple of years.
166
00:10:52,260 --> 00:10:55,060
But when I came back, there was no
running around.
167
00:10:55,660 --> 00:11:00,480
Come on, you went to the same school
then and you slept in the same bed. And
168
00:11:00,480 --> 00:11:02,960
did every menial job that came along.
169
00:11:04,300 --> 00:11:10,500
And I gave up all my dreams of being an
artiste, a ballerina, a writer, a union
170
00:11:10,500 --> 00:11:11,500
organizer.
171
00:11:13,380 --> 00:11:16,100
Come on, Beverly, all I got left are my
treasures.
172
00:11:17,680 --> 00:11:20,280
You know it. I wasn't a bad mother.
173
00:11:20,720 --> 00:11:23,320
I never said you were a bad mother.
174
00:11:23,980 --> 00:11:26,580
Well, kiddo, you certainly were hinting
at it.
175
00:11:28,660 --> 00:11:33,180
Mom, I've asked you this before, and
you've always avoided it.
176
00:11:33,540 --> 00:11:34,780
Who was my father?
177
00:11:38,540 --> 00:11:42,560
You know what? I'm going to make us some
sandwiches.
178
00:11:49,000 --> 00:11:51,420
Well, Jerry and Andy are down for their
naps.
179
00:11:51,860 --> 00:11:54,040
I think this baby thing is going to be a
breeze.
180
00:11:54,400 --> 00:11:57,100
You just remember that when I'm in labor
and I'm ripping your throat out.
181
00:11:58,920 --> 00:11:59,920
What are you guys doing?
182
00:12:00,480 --> 00:12:05,840
Well, I unloaded the dishwasher and I
listened to Aunt Jackie get an obscene
183
00:12:05,840 --> 00:12:06,840
phone call.
184
00:12:06,860 --> 00:12:09,680
And I'm just sitting here thinking about
Dad.
185
00:12:10,060 --> 00:12:12,560
Hey, did you tell him about all the
remodeling you did yet?
186
00:12:13,320 --> 00:12:17,460
Well, no, not all of it. You know, it's
supposed to be a great big surprise when
187
00:12:17,460 --> 00:12:18,460
he gets here.
188
00:12:18,920 --> 00:12:19,920
You think so?
189
00:12:21,260 --> 00:12:25,640
Well, yeah, we got new cupboards, the
new table here, the convection oven,
190
00:12:25,740 --> 00:12:26,880
whatever the hell that is.
191
00:12:28,380 --> 00:12:30,040
Well, what about the living room?
192
00:12:30,420 --> 00:12:31,420
What about it?
193
00:12:33,880 --> 00:12:40,880
Well... I don't think Dad could even fit
in this chair.
194
00:12:47,660 --> 00:12:48,680
I'm turning my surrounds down.
195
00:12:50,860 --> 00:12:51,860
Mute.
196
00:12:53,420 --> 00:12:57,080
I don't know, Mom. It just doesn't seem
like Dad's taste to me.
197
00:12:57,640 --> 00:13:01,600
Darlene, this is the first furniture we
have ever had that we did not buy off of
198
00:13:01,600 --> 00:13:02,600
somebody's lawn.
199
00:13:04,080 --> 00:13:05,540
Well, yeah, but is it Dad?
200
00:13:05,900 --> 00:13:07,020
Well, of course it is.
201
00:13:08,480 --> 00:13:09,480
Isn't it?
202
00:13:10,200 --> 00:13:15,740
Well, some of the old stuff was a little
more, you know, guy -friendly.
203
00:13:18,800 --> 00:13:21,060
guy -friendly. You just can't tell
because it's still clean.
204
00:13:22,460 --> 00:13:25,060
I don't think you have anything to worry
about, Mrs. Connor.
205
00:13:25,260 --> 00:13:26,260
I mean, look at me.
206
00:13:26,360 --> 00:13:28,820
I'm a guy, and I love this new stuff.
207
00:13:29,840 --> 00:13:30,840
I'm screwed.
208
00:13:33,780 --> 00:13:37,380
See, now you've got me all unsure of
myself and feeling all nervous.
209
00:13:37,620 --> 00:13:39,880
Tell me the truth, Jackie. What do you
really think?
210
00:13:40,160 --> 00:13:42,780
Well, I got it. No, I...
211
00:13:56,810 --> 00:13:58,070
I wouldn't like that.
212
00:14:01,850 --> 00:14:02,850
Hello?
213
00:14:09,110 --> 00:14:10,110
Ah!
214
00:14:11,670 --> 00:14:12,970
Beverly, you're still here?
215
00:14:14,350 --> 00:14:18,670
Of course I'm still here. Remember, you
just went into the kitchen to make us
216
00:14:18,670 --> 00:14:19,670
some sandwiches.
217
00:14:20,170 --> 00:14:21,170
Oh, that's right.
218
00:14:21,290 --> 00:14:22,770
Well, you're welcome to have.
219
00:14:25,390 --> 00:14:27,810
I sprinkled my Metamucil all over it.
220
00:14:29,390 --> 00:14:31,490
I'm not really hungry anyway.
221
00:14:31,690 --> 00:14:35,470
Mother, you have not answered my
question.
222
00:14:36,190 --> 00:14:37,750
Who is my father?
223
00:14:38,490 --> 00:14:40,330
Bev, let me tell you a story.
224
00:14:40,870 --> 00:14:41,870
Sit down.
225
00:14:42,930 --> 00:14:46,590
There was this party at a mansion in
Paris.
226
00:14:46,950 --> 00:14:47,950
Okay?
227
00:14:48,350 --> 00:14:50,490
And... Now, maybe it was at a
restaurant.
228
00:14:52,090 --> 00:14:53,090
Anyway...
229
00:14:53,550 --> 00:14:56,010
Coming towards me was this handsome
actor.
230
00:14:56,690 --> 00:15:00,790
Remember, he used to swing from the
trees in those pictures.
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00:15:03,110 --> 00:15:07,570
Tarzan? Tarzan? Are you telling me that
Tarzan was my father, Johnny
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00:15:07,570 --> 00:15:09,630
Weissmuller? Yeah.
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00:15:09,890 --> 00:15:12,290
Mother, no more stories.
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00:15:12,490 --> 00:15:15,170
I don't know who my father is.
235
00:15:15,590 --> 00:15:17,550
Well, then we're even. I don't know
either.
236
00:15:20,410 --> 00:15:22,370
You really don't know?
237
00:15:22,730 --> 00:15:26,480
No. I narrowed it down to four guys.
Really, only two.
238
00:15:27,020 --> 00:15:31,340
Because, I mean, you have no talent for
art, so it couldn't be Picasso.
239
00:15:31,980 --> 00:15:36,700
You can't play the piano, so it can't be
Arthur Rubinstein. Well, I can sing.
240
00:15:36,720 --> 00:15:37,980
Could it be Louis Armstrong?
241
00:15:40,180 --> 00:15:42,360
That is a distinct possibility.
242
00:15:42,960 --> 00:15:44,800
Mother! All right.
243
00:15:45,400 --> 00:15:48,220
Come on, Bev. You've got to remember.
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00:15:48,680 --> 00:15:50,460
Stop this. Life is a banquet.
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00:15:51,000 --> 00:15:55,720
You gotta learn how to take big bites
out of it. I love you. I love you, but
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00:15:55,720 --> 00:15:57,080
the hell off my back.
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00:15:57,780 --> 00:15:59,160
I need help.
248
00:15:59,740 --> 00:16:00,960
Honey, listen to me.
249
00:16:01,920 --> 00:16:06,580
Everybody goes down a different road. It
doesn't matter what the hell other
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00:16:06,580 --> 00:16:07,580
people think.
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00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:10,380
To thine own self be true.
252
00:16:11,300 --> 00:16:12,580
Shakespeare said that.
253
00:16:12,840 --> 00:16:14,340
Maybe it was in the Bible.
254
00:16:15,560 --> 00:16:17,780
Oh, no, I know. It was Steve Allen.
255
00:16:21,520 --> 00:16:22,520
I don't smoke.
256
00:16:23,540 --> 00:16:26,000
Oh, well, Castro gave me these cigars.
257
00:16:26,560 --> 00:16:27,560
Yeah, when?
258
00:16:27,900 --> 00:16:31,660
Oh, yeah, New York. Long time ago. He
was doing the Jack Parr show.
259
00:16:33,320 --> 00:16:37,420
That cigar box is lovely. It would be
perfect for potpourri.
260
00:16:37,700 --> 00:16:38,760
Yeah, you like it?
261
00:16:39,560 --> 00:16:40,560
I do.
262
00:16:40,720 --> 00:16:41,720
Have it.
263
00:16:41,780 --> 00:16:44,800
You know, there's a lot of other stuff
around here I'd like you to have.
264
00:16:45,040 --> 00:16:46,920
But I didn't think you liked any of it.
265
00:16:47,380 --> 00:16:48,380
I liked it.
266
00:16:49,100 --> 00:16:51,280
I just didn't want you to know it.
267
00:16:51,500 --> 00:16:52,500
Why?
268
00:16:54,380 --> 00:16:59,320
Maybe I really am a rebel. You know, in
this life, there are more questions than
269
00:16:59,320 --> 00:17:00,320
answers.
270
00:17:01,020 --> 00:17:04,240
Maybe it's meant to be that way, so it
keeps us on our toes.
271
00:17:04,520 --> 00:17:05,520
You know, Mom?
272
00:17:05,640 --> 00:17:06,640
What? Thanks.
273
00:17:07,960 --> 00:17:08,960
You're welcome.
274
00:17:11,000 --> 00:17:12,240
You're okay, kiddo.
275
00:17:15,280 --> 00:17:17,079
Okay, Jackie. What do you think?
276
00:17:20,810 --> 00:17:21,950
It's a little revealing.
277
00:17:22,630 --> 00:17:26,290
I know. I bought it for when Dan comes
home to distract him in case he don't
278
00:17:26,290 --> 00:17:27,290
like the furniture.
279
00:17:28,790 --> 00:17:32,390
Well, it works because I'm your sister
and even I can't keep my eyes off your
280
00:17:32,390 --> 00:17:33,390
rack.
281
00:17:34,950 --> 00:17:39,990
Well, it's common knowledge, Jackie. Men
prefer boobs over end tables any day.
282
00:17:59,850 --> 00:18:04,510
for five dollar roses. Carlos, he is so
romantic.
283
00:18:04,890 --> 00:18:08,490
What in the hell makes you think they're
from Carlos? Because your husband
284
00:18:08,490 --> 00:18:09,710
wouldn't send you any flowers.
285
00:18:10,090 --> 00:18:12,430
Yeah, but your dirty mouth prince would.
286
00:18:12,630 --> 00:18:13,630
Yes, he would.
287
00:18:14,730 --> 00:18:15,250
I
288
00:18:15,250 --> 00:18:22,170
can't wait to
289
00:18:22,170 --> 00:18:23,170
see you, honey.
290
00:18:23,650 --> 00:18:25,550
There's no place like home.
291
00:18:26,110 --> 00:18:27,210
They're for me.
292
00:18:31,950 --> 00:18:33,470
There's no place like home. Love, Dan.
293
00:18:36,930 --> 00:18:38,210
Oh, my God.
294
00:18:38,830 --> 00:18:41,870
Dan's expecting home. I mean, like the
old home. You know what I mean?
295
00:18:42,410 --> 00:18:46,610
Oh, like the coffee table with the beer
can stains on it home. My God.
296
00:18:46,910 --> 00:18:49,830
I've got to get some of the things that
he used to like and put them back out
297
00:18:49,830 --> 00:18:51,670
here. Maybe that'll help ease his way
into the new.
298
00:18:52,770 --> 00:18:54,830
Oh, is this your I'm -going -to -be -a
-grandma look?
299
00:18:59,500 --> 00:19:03,120
that dog's playing poker picture, did
we? Believe it or not, somebody stole it
300
00:19:03,120 --> 00:19:04,120
out of the garage.
301
00:19:04,400 --> 00:19:05,400
Go figure.
302
00:19:06,440 --> 00:19:08,460
Your dad loved it.
303
00:19:08,680 --> 00:19:11,660
Mrs. Conner, you do know that that was
just a reproduction.
304
00:19:14,140 --> 00:19:15,620
Where can I get another one?
305
00:19:15,960 --> 00:19:17,640
Have you checked the Lamford House of
Velvet?
306
00:19:19,660 --> 00:19:23,040
You know, I could paint you another one.
I could probably do it just from
307
00:19:23,040 --> 00:19:24,180
memory. Really?
308
00:19:24,540 --> 00:19:25,469
Yeah, sure.
309
00:19:25,470 --> 00:19:28,250
Yeah, it's one of those images that
sears itself into your cornea.
310
00:19:29,950 --> 00:19:30,950
I'll go get started.
311
00:19:31,570 --> 00:19:34,070
Oh, my God, Jackie, I'm just totally
nervous.
312
00:19:34,450 --> 00:19:38,010
Everything in the house is just too
different. I mean, including me. Ever
313
00:19:38,010 --> 00:19:39,650
I went to that spa, I look different.
314
00:19:40,470 --> 00:19:41,470
No, you don't.
315
00:19:42,730 --> 00:19:43,730
Sure she does.
316
00:19:44,910 --> 00:19:49,090
Her hair's shinier. Oh, yeah, if there's
one thing Dad cares about, it's shiny
317
00:19:49,090 --> 00:19:50,090
hair.
318
00:19:52,750 --> 00:19:57,350
know, Jackie, is that Dan is not going
to be returning to the demure little
319
00:19:57,350 --> 00:20:00,090
Lanford house frow that he left behind.
320
00:20:00,630 --> 00:20:02,430
I've been out in the world. I've lived.
321
00:20:02,910 --> 00:20:06,870
I've traveled. I've experienced a
million things. I've got a self
322
00:20:06,870 --> 00:20:07,870
freezer.
323
00:20:08,310 --> 00:20:12,750
And there is that little matter of the
terrorist. My God, Jackie, what kind of
324
00:20:12,750 --> 00:20:15,770
man wants to sleep with a woman who's
thrown a man off a train?
325
00:20:16,490 --> 00:20:18,190
Get a hold of yourself.
326
00:20:18,590 --> 00:20:21,070
Dan doesn't care about that stuff.
327
00:20:21,790 --> 00:20:24,490
All he's ever wanted, really, is just a
place to sit.
328
00:20:24,970 --> 00:20:26,530
My God, and I gave that away.
329
00:20:28,450 --> 00:20:32,890
Dan doesn't care how fancy all your crap
has gotten. He just wants you here. You
330
00:20:32,890 --> 00:20:33,890
know that.
331
00:20:33,970 --> 00:20:38,450
What if... Now, just stop. What if? What
if? What if? What if cars ran on spit?
332
00:20:40,970 --> 00:20:42,310
You know what Nana Mary said.
333
00:20:42,610 --> 00:20:45,990
There will always be more questions than
answers in this life.
334
00:20:47,850 --> 00:20:50,370
Here you go. Sketched out that picture
of the dogs for you.
335
00:20:50,990 --> 00:20:52,610
The poodle looks a little like Becky.
336
00:20:52,990 --> 00:20:53,990
There you go.
337
00:20:55,310 --> 00:20:57,830
He did that from memory. It's perfect.
338
00:20:58,330 --> 00:20:59,330
What are you, crazy?
339
00:20:59,650 --> 00:21:00,650
It's not even close.
340
00:21:01,010 --> 00:21:05,010
The bulldog is supposed to have the full
house, and the chihuahua has the pair.
341
00:21:06,850 --> 00:21:11,090
So? The bulldog has to win. That's the
whole point of the painting.
342
00:21:15,880 --> 00:21:18,440
Oh, I know. I've got something in the
bedroom that'll make Dan really, really
343
00:21:18,440 --> 00:21:19,820
excited to be home. Oh, God.
344
00:21:20,020 --> 00:21:22,800
Okay. It's another eye -popping cleavage
outfit.
345
00:21:24,280 --> 00:21:25,880
Huh? Here we go.
346
00:21:26,460 --> 00:21:27,460
Yeah? Yeah.
347
00:21:27,560 --> 00:21:30,460
I'm going to put this right back on the
mantelpiece over there.
348
00:21:30,840 --> 00:21:32,160
Oh, God!
349
00:21:32,640 --> 00:21:34,000
I got rid of the fireplace!
26528
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