All language subtitles for Phil Silvers Show s04e20 Viva Bilko
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1
00:00:38,599 --> 00:00:42,580
Now, my group, please stay close
together and do a through -the -Mexican
2
00:00:42,580 --> 00:00:44,660
inspection. Buenos dias, senor.
3
00:00:45,100 --> 00:00:49,100
I am the travel agent from the Wilson
Guided Tours. Buenos dias, senor. How
4
00:00:49,100 --> 00:00:50,580
in your party? Six. Here's the list.
5
00:00:52,800 --> 00:00:55,700
All right. Will my little group stay
together? We don't want to get
6
00:00:55,840 --> 00:00:58,500
do we? We're going to leave you. You've
got all our money. Bad point.
7
00:00:58,960 --> 00:00:59,960
I'm responsible.
8
00:01:00,800 --> 00:01:03,840
Paying you 25 bucks apiece for three
days in Mexico, we must be nuts.
9
00:01:04,120 --> 00:01:06,820
You're forgetting one thing. For that
paltry sum, you're getting deluxe hotel
10
00:01:06,820 --> 00:01:10,660
accommodations, first -rate
transportation, and an excellent guide.
11
00:01:10,660 --> 00:01:14,640
more about home Mexico than Signor
Bilko. Some guide. He saw two Cisco
12
00:01:14,760 --> 00:01:15,760
pictures on a late show.
13
00:01:15,920 --> 00:01:16,920
Suddenly, he's an authority.
14
00:01:17,200 --> 00:01:19,940
All right, all right, all right. You'll
find Leo Carrillo's house by yourself.
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00:01:20,320 --> 00:01:21,139
Next, please.
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00:01:21,140 --> 00:01:23,340
Ah, buenas vistas, Signor. You are all
together?
17
00:01:23,620 --> 00:01:24,620
Yes, we're together.
18
00:01:24,820 --> 00:01:26,000
How long do you intend to stay in
Mexico?
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00:01:26,510 --> 00:01:29,810
Three fun -filled days and nights. What
is your business in Mexico?
20
00:01:30,150 --> 00:01:33,250
Deity and frivolity. What about that?
May I see your identification?
21
00:01:33,770 --> 00:01:36,230
Identification? Thank you. Welcome to
Mexico.
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00:01:36,450 --> 00:01:41,870
Have a pleasant visit. Grazie. Grazie.
Here we are in sunny Mexico.
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00:01:42,310 --> 00:01:44,230
George, can I take a picture?
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00:01:44,430 --> 00:01:46,910
You might as well. It may be the last
picture taken of us while we're still
25
00:01:46,910 --> 00:01:48,190
alive. What do you mean, Sarge?
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We may die from sheer fun.
27
00:02:41,840 --> 00:02:44,880
Never a doubt of you, Sarge. You sure
know those spots. Gentlemen, I'm just
28
00:02:44,880 --> 00:02:45,619
getting warm.
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The last place I took you to will be a
public library compared to what's coming
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00:02:49,040 --> 00:02:52,460
up. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's
go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go.
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Let's go. Let's go.
32
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Let's go.
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Let's go.
34
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I got one of the few copies that got
through the mail.
35
00:03:11,160 --> 00:03:14,000
Well, let's go then. Let's go. Stop him
and come on, will you? Will you?
36
00:03:14,240 --> 00:03:15,380
My stomach is rumping.
37
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Gentlemen, if we wait till he fills
that, our hits will be over. Look.
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00:03:19,740 --> 00:03:20,740
Come on,
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00:03:21,340 --> 00:03:23,640
amigos. What a festivity in the air. Yee
-haw!
40
00:03:31,080 --> 00:03:32,080
McIntosh, she's gone.
41
00:03:32,240 --> 00:03:33,460
Yeah, Gonzales is there.
42
00:03:41,420 --> 00:03:43,080
We haven't held him up for the last two
months.
43
00:03:43,320 --> 00:03:44,600
Now is the time.
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00:04:10,600 --> 00:04:11,820
You'll see it's all over the place.
Well,
45
00:04:12,780 --> 00:04:13,780
let's get over to the bar.
46
00:04:14,640 --> 00:04:18,820
That must be Pepito. Oh, Pepito, I see
you're loaded. Well, you'll be happy to
47
00:04:18,820 --> 00:04:19,820
know we're loaded, too.
48
00:04:19,880 --> 00:04:21,220
I am very happy, sir.
49
00:04:22,100 --> 00:04:23,380
Please open your pockets.
50
00:04:23,600 --> 00:04:27,320
Hey, Sarge, it's a stick -up. That is
right, senor. Oh, well, we're just
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00:04:27,320 --> 00:04:29,920
American tourists. We won't disturb you.
Hasta mañana.
52
00:04:31,080 --> 00:04:34,120
You're not going nowhere, senor. You
don't understand. We're Americans.
53
00:04:34,520 --> 00:04:36,400
Mexicans stay here. Yankees go home.
54
00:04:40,360 --> 00:04:43,780
Money, senor. Oh, money. Well, you
should speak a little more clearer,
55
00:04:43,780 --> 00:04:46,760
Money. There you are. Well, hasn't this
been exciting? We've seen a legitimate
56
00:04:46,760 --> 00:04:48,240
hole. Well, hasta la vista.
57
00:04:51,500 --> 00:04:52,680
¿Qué es lo que pienso?
58
00:04:53,460 --> 00:04:57,240
Hay algo que hacer con los soldados
americanos.
59
00:04:57,460 --> 00:05:00,180
What do you think he said, Sarge?
Something about American soldiers.
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00:05:00,460 --> 00:05:02,900
I think they realize they've gone too
far. You can't monkey with the United
61
00:05:02,900 --> 00:05:03,819
States Army.
62
00:05:03,820 --> 00:05:07,840
Les quitamos los uniformes a los
soldados americanos.
63
00:05:08,620 --> 00:05:11,040
I think they're going to apologize and
give us our money back. They were only
64
00:05:11,040 --> 00:05:12,540
kidding. That's a good idea.
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00:05:13,380 --> 00:05:17,380
Take off your clothes.
66
00:05:19,360 --> 00:05:20,360
Take them off, senor.
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00:05:20,480 --> 00:05:21,940
Maybe he thinks we're on the floor show.
68
00:05:22,280 --> 00:05:25,140
Well, I don't think you are on our
clothes, senor. After all, yours has so
69
00:05:25,140 --> 00:05:28,180
more dash, so much more flair. I always
say, when it comes to wearing a gun
70
00:05:28,180 --> 00:05:31,380
belt, give me a Mexican bandit every
time. Your clothes, senor.
71
00:05:31,680 --> 00:05:34,060
Well, wait a minute. What about the
Geneva conference?
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00:05:34,480 --> 00:05:37,220
In ten seconds, there'll be a nice
little pile on the floor.
73
00:05:38,160 --> 00:05:38,999
Which will it be?
74
00:05:39,000 --> 00:05:40,000
Your clothes or you?
75
00:05:42,460 --> 00:05:46,640
When we get back to camp, we'll put in
for a new outfit. That's what we'll do.
76
00:05:54,120 --> 00:05:58,900
Thank you for your clothes, senores.
77
00:05:59,320 --> 00:06:00,320
We'll be on our way now.
78
00:06:00,920 --> 00:06:02,680
Wait a minute. You can't leave us like
this.
79
00:06:02,920 --> 00:06:04,380
Shut up. You want them to take our
underwear?
80
00:06:12,720 --> 00:06:16,520
Oh, boy, another soldier. Maybe it's
help. Sure, help for the bandits.
81
00:06:16,720 --> 00:06:19,140
Jake, it's Doberman. He's walking right
into the trap.
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00:06:19,500 --> 00:06:23,800
Hey, Sarge, I've got a plan. When
Doberman walks in, I give him a high
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start a commotion.
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00:06:25,060 --> 00:06:28,300
Zimmerman makes for the door. They rush
after him. Then Doberman goes out to
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00:06:28,300 --> 00:06:29,500
call the police. Forget it.
86
00:06:30,020 --> 00:06:32,980
Why? Doberman is about to join the merry
nudists.
87
00:06:33,620 --> 00:06:35,880
Would it be all right if I just checked
my cap?
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00:06:40,460 --> 00:06:43,160
Our chief, El Muchacho, will be very
pleased.
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00:06:49,720 --> 00:06:51,160
Sarge, Sarge. What?
90
00:06:51,720 --> 00:06:53,140
I've got an ice pick.
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00:06:55,420 --> 00:06:56,420
Slip it to me.
92
00:06:57,460 --> 00:07:00,420
You're going to give it to him? No, to
you, right through the heart.
93
00:07:43,240 --> 00:07:46,460
A quarter like this. No money, no paper,
no clothes. A three -day pass is up.
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00:07:46,620 --> 00:07:47,780
Hey, Sarge, I've got an idea.
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00:07:48,020 --> 00:07:51,800
Why don't we find a pawn shop, hock our
underwear, and buy bus tickets? Hock our
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00:07:51,800 --> 00:07:53,340
underwear. Where's that ice cream?
97
00:07:54,020 --> 00:07:56,500
I'm very sorry this happened in my club.
98
00:07:56,980 --> 00:08:00,400
Here's some clothes. I found them in the
dressing room. Thank you, Pepito.
99
00:08:01,000 --> 00:08:02,560
Hey, Sarge, how do you get into these?
100
00:08:02,820 --> 00:08:05,440
How do I know? One of my Cesar Romero?
Get dressed.
101
00:08:08,500 --> 00:08:11,280
The Phil Silver Show will be right back.
102
00:08:16,430 --> 00:08:17,430
Here you are, sir.
103
00:08:18,710 --> 00:08:21,490
Now, this is only yours. I'll have to
have your wife's identification, too.
104
00:08:21,730 --> 00:08:24,250
Boy, you fellas sure make it tough for
us to get back home.
105
00:08:24,650 --> 00:08:26,010
Sorry, just regulations.
106
00:08:26,570 --> 00:08:27,750
They're very strict these days.
107
00:08:28,090 --> 00:08:30,370
All right, come on, boys. In a few
minutes, we'll be across the border.
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00:08:30,610 --> 00:08:32,570
I hope for a chance to pluck off my
circulation.
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00:08:33,150 --> 00:08:34,630
Ah, there it is.
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00:08:35,049 --> 00:08:36,029
Viva America.
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00:08:36,030 --> 00:08:37,289
Just a minute, senors.
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00:08:38,030 --> 00:08:40,970
identification if you're going to visit
the United States. Su identificación.
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00:08:41,309 --> 00:08:44,770
Business amusing. He thinks we're
Mexicans. It's all right, Matt. We're
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00:08:44,770 --> 00:08:47,970
soldiers. And not in those outfits,
you're not. Where's your identification
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00:08:47,970 --> 00:08:51,630
papers? Isn't it great? No wonder
Americans can sleep peacefully at night.
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00:08:51,650 --> 00:08:53,950
People like you guarding the border,
you're doing a good job, pal.
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00:08:54,290 --> 00:08:56,990
Just... Your papers.
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00:08:57,670 --> 00:09:00,790
Well, I wanted to spare you the sort
of... But here's what happens. You see,
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00:09:00,830 --> 00:09:03,770
we're American soldiers on leave, and we
were in Tijuana and got in this
120
00:09:03,770 --> 00:09:06,490
difficulty at this museum we were
visiting. What was the name of that
121
00:09:06,750 --> 00:09:07,750
Papitas Cave.
122
00:09:07,830 --> 00:09:09,770
That was the name of the painting we
were going to buy.
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00:09:10,050 --> 00:09:13,230
Whatever it was. Anyway, on our way out
of the museum. I know.
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00:09:13,730 --> 00:09:17,190
Mexican bandits held you up and took
your identification in your uniform.
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00:09:17,530 --> 00:09:18,770
Is that what you were going to tell me?
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00:09:19,250 --> 00:09:20,330
Not anymore, it isn't.
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00:09:21,450 --> 00:09:24,490
I know how badly you want to get into
the United States, but you'll just have
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00:09:24,490 --> 00:09:27,530
come in under the next quota in three or
four years. Oh, wait, hold on.
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00:09:28,490 --> 00:09:29,630
What am I going to do to convince you
we're Americans?
130
00:09:30,070 --> 00:09:34,630
Mickey Mantle, frozen TV dinners, hula
hoops, Marilyn Monroe, Disneyland, rock
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00:09:34,630 --> 00:09:35,389
and roll.
132
00:09:35,390 --> 00:09:36,730
Tell them, what's your favorite
orchestra?
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00:09:36,970 --> 00:09:37,970
Xavier Cougat.
134
00:09:40,070 --> 00:09:43,830
Sir Lawrence Wonk, isn't it? No, it's
Xavier Cougat. Did you ever hear him
135
00:09:43,830 --> 00:09:46,910
La Cucaracha? I don't know. Never mind
him. It must be.
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00:09:48,070 --> 00:09:49,510
Ed Woodward.
137
00:09:55,820 --> 00:09:59,100
We'll just have to wait till dawn till
the new shift comes out. Look, we're in
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00:09:59,100 --> 00:10:00,100
these outfits.
139
00:10:00,160 --> 00:10:00,520
All
140
00:10:00,520 --> 00:10:08,600
right,
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00:10:08,600 --> 00:10:15,480
senor. We are those
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00:10:15,480 --> 00:10:16,980
great international favorites.
143
00:10:17,260 --> 00:10:22,580
Poopy Vilco and his flamenco force. We
show you. Hey, hey, hey, hey.
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00:10:31,080 --> 00:10:32,080
If I could just have your papers.
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00:10:36,220 --> 00:10:37,220
Puppi.
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00:10:38,280 --> 00:10:39,280
Puppi.
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00:10:42,380 --> 00:10:43,440
Puppi no papers.
148
00:10:49,180 --> 00:10:50,700
Puppi no papers. Puppi no papers.
149
00:10:50,960 --> 00:10:51,960
Puppi no papers.
150
00:10:52,000 --> 00:10:53,260
Well, I gotta have papers.
151
00:10:54,220 --> 00:10:55,220
Look.
152
00:10:55,610 --> 00:11:02,330
Let me explain, Bud. We have a very
important television engagement in your
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00:11:02,330 --> 00:11:07,550
country Sunday night. Sunday night? Si,
we go to Eduardo Solvano.
154
00:11:07,990 --> 00:11:09,090
Si, si, si.
155
00:11:09,950 --> 00:11:15,650
Look, I'm sorry, but you still need
identification papers. Si, si, si.
156
00:11:15,970 --> 00:11:17,650
Señor, me,
157
00:11:18,850 --> 00:11:23,050
Flamanco, we go to Eduardo Solvano to
give that...
158
00:11:23,839 --> 00:11:25,220
Mucho. Trendex rating.
159
00:11:25,680 --> 00:11:26,920
He? Steve Allen.
160
00:11:27,860 --> 00:11:28,860
Gringo.
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00:11:29,380 --> 00:11:30,380
I'm sorry.
162
00:11:31,420 --> 00:11:36,540
Gringo. Me, me. Very good friend, Senor
Winstead. All right?
163
00:11:36,840 --> 00:11:37,840
All right. We're going.
164
00:11:39,540 --> 00:11:40,540
All right.
165
00:11:41,380 --> 00:11:44,440
I'm going to level with you. We're four
American soldiers. We were on leave. We
166
00:11:44,440 --> 00:11:45,620
got into a little trouble in Tijuana.
167
00:11:46,120 --> 00:11:48,880
If we don't get back, we're going to be
AWOL. Don't be taking up with the United
168
00:11:48,880 --> 00:11:52,580
Nations. For now, get away from this
gate. Sure, I suppose if I was Abby
169
00:11:52,660 --> 00:11:54,040
we could come and go as we please.
170
00:11:54,360 --> 00:11:55,360
Come on, go.
171
00:11:55,520 --> 00:11:58,600
Well, Sarge, maybe we should learn to
speak Spanish and settle down.
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00:11:58,940 --> 00:12:02,580
Psst, senor. Knock it off, kid. We don't
want any picture postcards.
173
00:12:03,660 --> 00:12:05,780
Can you get across the border, senor?
174
00:12:06,120 --> 00:12:07,500
Sure, whether you got your own gate.
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00:12:07,880 --> 00:12:08,880
I'll take that.
176
00:12:09,620 --> 00:12:11,020
I can't get you across.
177
00:12:11,360 --> 00:12:15,370
Yeah, how much is it going to cost us?
Nothing now, senor. You will pay me when
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00:12:15,370 --> 00:12:16,690
I get you across the border.
179
00:12:17,050 --> 00:12:18,190
Well, you can't beat the rates.
180
00:12:18,430 --> 00:12:19,850
It's smuggle now and pay later.
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00:12:22,690 --> 00:12:23,690
Again,
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00:12:25,090 --> 00:12:26,410
all we do is change clothes.
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00:12:26,610 --> 00:12:29,210
Go figure Mexico. It's one big dressing
room. Come on.
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00:12:34,550 --> 00:12:35,550
Northgate.
185
00:12:36,810 --> 00:12:39,930
What? Four American soldiers robbed a
bank in Tijuana?
186
00:12:40,410 --> 00:12:41,530
They were just here.
187
00:12:49,450 --> 00:12:50,810
Your name? Juan Lopez.
188
00:12:51,170 --> 00:12:52,910
All right, Lopez, make mark in the book.
189
00:12:55,550 --> 00:12:57,290
Get into the truck and lie down.
190
00:12:58,190 --> 00:12:59,190
Next.
191
00:13:04,090 --> 00:13:06,950
I look better in my underwear.
192
00:13:07,230 --> 00:13:10,030
What do you think the deal is, Sarge?
The clothes, the mustaches?
193
00:13:10,460 --> 00:13:14,440
Some cheap movie outfit making a
picture. You know, quickie. They hire
194
00:13:14,440 --> 00:13:18,120
way. Instead of hiring union actors,
they save money. Oh, boy, a movie. I
195
00:13:18,120 --> 00:13:19,200
when the picture will be released.
196
00:13:19,500 --> 00:13:21,260
About the same time we are, if they
catch us.
197
00:13:22,040 --> 00:13:25,440
All right, make mark in the book and get
us to the truck.
198
00:13:25,660 --> 00:13:27,760
Oh, the truck. Is that how we get across
the border in a truck?
199
00:13:27,980 --> 00:13:30,220
Only until Rio Grande. Hey, we're going
to class.
200
00:13:30,540 --> 00:13:33,000
Look, what happens when we get to the
Rio Grande then? How do we get across?
201
00:13:33,260 --> 00:13:35,140
Oh, your arms with your legs, you swim.
202
00:13:35,780 --> 00:13:37,760
Maybe. It's an Esther Williams picture.
203
00:13:38,220 --> 00:13:39,880
And, uh, we're not extras.
204
00:13:40,080 --> 00:13:41,080
We're wetbacks.
205
00:13:41,720 --> 00:13:46,740
Now, just a minute. Once we get off and
we dry off, we're in California, right?
206
00:13:46,940 --> 00:13:47,940
No, no, in Arizona.
207
00:13:48,080 --> 00:13:50,820
Oh, that's not too bad. Once we get
there, we hitch a ride and get back to
208
00:13:50,820 --> 00:13:54,060
camp. Yes, in a couple of months after
we get through picking melons. Melons?
209
00:13:54,820 --> 00:13:55,820
Melons.
210
00:13:56,000 --> 00:13:59,620
Melons, cassava melons, honeydew melons,
melons. Hold it just a minute. Look,
211
00:13:59,760 --> 00:14:01,480
we're not melon pickers. We're tourists.
212
00:14:01,840 --> 00:14:04,360
Oh, then you have enough money to pay
for your trip across the border.
213
00:14:05,370 --> 00:14:06,530
We're melon pickers.
214
00:14:07,150 --> 00:14:10,710
I thought you spent two months cleaning
fruit cocktails.
215
00:14:11,650 --> 00:14:14,550
You think I'm stupid or something? Once
we get across, we make a break with it
216
00:14:14,550 --> 00:14:15,870
and we hitchhike a ride back to the
camp.
217
00:14:16,090 --> 00:14:18,770
And if you're thinking of running away,
amigos, forget it.
218
00:14:19,470 --> 00:14:21,050
Every night we chain you to the truck.
219
00:14:23,590 --> 00:14:27,110
Maybe we can stuff a message into a
melon and hope the colonel gets it for
220
00:14:27,110 --> 00:14:31,230
breakfast. If the swimming don't get you
and the picking don't get you, I'll get
221
00:14:31,230 --> 00:14:32,230
you.
222
00:14:35,720 --> 00:14:37,900
Everybody said where you are. You're
under arrest.
223
00:14:38,140 --> 00:14:40,920
Oh, thank heavens you came, officer. You
see, we're four American soldiers. This
224
00:14:40,920 --> 00:14:42,480
man was buggering us across the border.
225
00:14:42,760 --> 00:14:43,539
I see.
226
00:14:43,540 --> 00:14:44,640
Let me have your papers.
227
00:14:44,940 --> 00:14:48,180
Papers? Pupino papers, papino papers,
pepino papers.
228
00:14:48,460 --> 00:14:49,460
Get in the truck.
229
00:14:50,740 --> 00:14:51,760
Everybody's got a truck.
230
00:15:07,480 --> 00:15:10,780
By the time we dig a hole big enough to
get Doberman through, our time will be
231
00:15:10,780 --> 00:15:12,740
up. There's got to be a way out of here.
232
00:15:13,120 --> 00:15:14,120
I'm hungry.
233
00:15:14,360 --> 00:15:15,700
Do me a favor. Eat the bars.
234
00:15:16,080 --> 00:15:17,080
I'm hungry, sir.
235
00:15:17,400 --> 00:15:18,400
Under this.
236
00:15:47,020 --> 00:15:49,000
I did the same thing the first time I
saw him.
237
00:16:18,700 --> 00:16:20,040
He's looking for four American soldiers.
238
00:16:23,460 --> 00:16:27,640
Compadre, why we don't divide up the
money now? No, not until El Muchacho
239
00:16:27,900 --> 00:16:31,580
His plan was for us to separate and then
come here and divide the money.
240
00:16:31,840 --> 00:16:34,940
Si. I wish he would come. I don't like
sitting around here.
241
00:16:35,500 --> 00:16:36,760
Bruno! Garcia!
242
00:16:37,080 --> 00:16:38,480
I have just heard bad news.
243
00:16:38,740 --> 00:16:40,380
El Muchacho has been captured. What?
244
00:16:41,280 --> 00:16:45,480
Where is he? In the jail in the village.
I knew this would happen. El Muchacho
245
00:16:45,480 --> 00:16:46,480
take too many chances.
246
00:16:46,820 --> 00:16:47,980
What to worry about?
247
00:16:48,350 --> 00:16:49,630
That jail, she is like eggshell.
248
00:16:49,910 --> 00:16:51,770
Tonight, we crack him open.
249
00:16:52,510 --> 00:16:54,950
Come on, compadres. We take off these
soldier's uniforms.
250
00:17:00,050 --> 00:17:03,210
Leave. Leave. I'm trying to figure a way
to get out of here. You're sleeping.
251
00:17:03,570 --> 00:17:05,869
Will you shut up? How can I think with
you snoring?
252
00:17:11,450 --> 00:17:12,450
And Machacho?
253
00:17:12,530 --> 00:17:13,569
You looking for someone?
254
00:17:13,869 --> 00:17:15,410
And Machacho, where is he?
255
00:17:15,890 --> 00:17:18,220
Ain't nobody in here but us wits. I
know.
256
00:17:19,040 --> 00:17:20,040
El Muchacho.
257
00:17:22,339 --> 00:17:24,240
What's the matter with you? El Muchacho.
258
00:17:24,500 --> 00:17:29,340
El Muchacho is here, boys. He's here.
When you beat it. El Muchacho, go away
259
00:17:29,340 --> 00:17:31,940
far from these walls as you can. We get
you out of here.
260
00:17:32,440 --> 00:17:33,700
Lady's not kidding. Come on.
261
00:17:50,920 --> 00:17:52,040
that's Pepe, and that's Papa.
262
00:17:58,280 --> 00:18:03,040
Here we are, Machacho. All together
again, huh? Everything came off just as
263
00:18:03,040 --> 00:18:06,220
planned it. We got the money, and the
police are looking for American
264
00:18:09,560 --> 00:18:12,080
Sergeant, those are the guys who stole
our clothes.
265
00:18:12,340 --> 00:18:13,500
Now they're stealing Doberman.
266
00:18:14,980 --> 00:18:16,460
He's calling him El Machacho.
267
00:18:26,030 --> 00:18:27,030
He's El Machacho.
268
00:18:27,390 --> 00:18:28,950
El Machacho amigo.
269
00:18:29,690 --> 00:18:31,390
Eat, El Machacho.
270
00:18:33,030 --> 00:18:37,050
Yeah, but of course, I don't know. I
think so. I think we was going to rob a
271
00:18:37,050 --> 00:18:38,370
bank and you were just coming out.
272
00:18:38,610 --> 00:18:39,910
El Machacho, let's go.
273
00:18:40,410 --> 00:18:41,410
Wait a minute.
274
00:18:41,590 --> 00:18:44,590
Where are you going, El Machacho? Well,
you see, when we were in the jail, El
275
00:18:44,590 --> 00:18:48,910
Machacho promised I would meet his
sister. I can't wait. You mean his twin
276
00:18:48,910 --> 00:18:50,230
sister, the little fat one?
277
00:18:50,590 --> 00:18:55,610
There's no accounting for taste. El
Machacho goes with you later, but...
278
00:18:56,010 --> 00:18:57,790
First, we have something to divide up,
huh?
279
00:18:58,070 --> 00:18:59,210
What? What?
280
00:18:59,510 --> 00:19:01,630
What do you like the best in the whole
world, huh?
281
00:19:02,510 --> 00:19:03,510
Tacos.
282
00:19:05,010 --> 00:19:08,950
El Machacho, we really... No, you win.
283
00:19:09,470 --> 00:19:10,470
Yeah.
284
00:19:11,730 --> 00:19:14,690
Sarge, what's going to happen to us when
they find out he's not El Machacho?
285
00:19:14,850 --> 00:19:15,950
Probably divide us up.
286
00:19:41,580 --> 00:19:43,040
Then whose sister am I supposed to meet?
287
00:19:43,280 --> 00:19:46,020
Well, if I remember now.
288
00:19:47,440 --> 00:19:52,000
See, you are the soldiers whose uniforms
were robbed at Pepito's cave.
289
00:19:52,220 --> 00:19:53,320
Oh, we're not going to press charges.
290
00:19:53,520 --> 00:19:55,260
If you'll just give us back a year. Get
to the other room.
291
00:19:55,840 --> 00:19:57,520
Get to the other room.
292
00:19:58,240 --> 00:20:00,720
What shall we do with them?
293
00:20:01,320 --> 00:20:02,320
Kill them.
294
00:20:02,800 --> 00:20:03,800
Wait a minute.
295
00:20:04,140 --> 00:20:05,420
I have a better plan.
296
00:20:06,500 --> 00:20:09,480
We give them back their uniforms and let
them go.
297
00:20:09,680 --> 00:20:10,680
Why?
298
00:20:12,600 --> 00:20:16,400
The four American soldiers who robbed
the bank in Tijuana.
299
00:20:16,700 --> 00:20:19,920
So we don't have to get rid of them. The
police will do it for us.
300
00:20:20,220 --> 00:20:24,280
Tell the muchacho, your uniform, please.
301
00:20:31,360 --> 00:20:34,900
Oh, boy, I never thought this would
happen. We got our uniforms, our papers,
302
00:20:34,900 --> 00:20:35,599
our lives.
303
00:20:35,600 --> 00:20:38,630
I wonder why the bandits were so nice to
us. Because they got pretty nervous,
304
00:20:38,710 --> 00:20:41,990
pal. The United States Army will stand
for just so much. Why, John Forster Dunn
305
00:20:41,990 --> 00:20:43,050
would have been on the next plane.
306
00:20:44,330 --> 00:20:47,790
Well, clearly, this is the last time we
got our uniform back, our papers. Boys,
307
00:20:47,970 --> 00:20:48,970
say goodbye to Mexico.
308
00:20:49,250 --> 00:20:51,530
Well, Sergeant, we've been waiting for
you to show up again.
309
00:20:51,730 --> 00:20:53,990
Ah. All right, boys, you're under
arrest.
310
00:20:54,210 --> 00:20:55,210
Under arrest? What for?
311
00:20:55,450 --> 00:20:58,310
For robbing the Tijuana Bank. Oh, no,
you got that wrong. That was our
312
00:20:58,310 --> 00:21:00,090
that robbed the bank. We weren't in
there at the time.
313
00:21:00,310 --> 00:21:02,870
We don't have time to explain. Now, get
in that truck.
314
00:21:03,330 --> 00:21:04,330
Again with the truck.
315
00:21:04,550 --> 00:21:05,550
Everybody's got a truck.
316
00:21:08,040 --> 00:21:09,200
It's good to be home again.
317
00:21:09,400 --> 00:21:11,100
Well, at least our landlord redid the
wall.
318
00:21:11,460 --> 00:21:12,460
Gee, I'm hungry.
319
00:21:12,800 --> 00:21:15,460
Well, you're El Machacho. Why don't you
go and rob a taco stand?
320
00:21:15,960 --> 00:21:17,520
Hey, Sarge, you think they'll shoot us?
321
00:21:17,780 --> 00:21:21,060
Not the shooting that's bothering me.
It's those rides in the open trucks
322
00:21:21,060 --> 00:21:22,060
bothering me.
323
00:21:22,380 --> 00:21:25,140
I have good news for you. Here it is,
our last meal.
324
00:21:25,400 --> 00:21:28,620
Good, I'm hungry. We found out you
didn't rob the bank.
325
00:21:28,840 --> 00:21:30,680
Oh, fine. I was beginning to believe we
did.
326
00:21:30,960 --> 00:21:32,720
We captured El Machacho's gang.
327
00:21:33,480 --> 00:21:35,700
They were caught trying to pass the
money.
328
00:21:35,980 --> 00:21:39,980
Hey! When do we get out of here? In a
little while. As soon as officials sign
329
00:21:39,980 --> 00:21:40,699
your papers.
330
00:21:40,700 --> 00:21:43,440
Believe me, once we get back to camp,
I'll never ask for another pass. All
331
00:21:43,440 --> 00:21:47,340
right, bring them in. Bring who in?
Three of El Muchacho's men.
332
00:21:47,600 --> 00:21:50,300
And pretty soon, we capture El Muchacho
himself.
333
00:21:50,800 --> 00:21:53,940
You have to share this cell with them
for a little while. Why with us?
334
00:21:54,180 --> 00:21:56,680
Put them in separate cells. They're
crooks. We're the good guys.
335
00:21:57,880 --> 00:21:59,820
Come on, get in there.
336
00:22:00,320 --> 00:22:02,340
We'll be letting you out in a little
while, soldiers.
337
00:22:03,120 --> 00:22:06,340
Well, Mr. Bandit, the sombrero's on the
other end now.
338
00:22:07,300 --> 00:22:08,720
We're getting out and you're in.
339
00:22:08,980 --> 00:22:11,380
That is life, senor. Yeah, that's what
you'll get, life.
340
00:22:11,640 --> 00:22:15,120
Let me take a poke at him, sir. You
thank him. Let me thank you. No, no, no.
341
00:22:15,120 --> 00:22:16,560
the wheels of justice run over him.
342
00:22:19,640 --> 00:22:20,640
Who's that?
343
00:22:21,280 --> 00:22:23,360
Oh, it's El Machacho for you.
344
00:22:23,580 --> 00:22:24,339
El Machacho?
345
00:22:24,340 --> 00:22:25,340
Yeah.
346
00:22:26,080 --> 00:22:29,960
See? See? I suppose you think El
Machacho's going to help you get out of
347
00:22:29,980 --> 00:22:30,980
huh? See?
348
00:22:35,440 --> 00:22:36,440
You don't want to take a poke at me?
349
00:22:36,640 --> 00:22:39,020
No, but you could take a poke at me if
you like.
350
00:22:39,580 --> 00:22:42,180
Nice seeing you fellas again. Which wall
is going out this time?
351
00:22:42,480 --> 00:22:45,120
No wall this time, senor. We're going to
walk right out.
352
00:22:45,320 --> 00:22:47,400
Excuse me, I don't want to contradict
you, but how are you going to do that?
353
00:22:47,440 --> 00:22:49,280
They're all waiting for you. They've got
guards here and everything. There's no
354
00:22:49,280 --> 00:22:51,860
way to get out of here. The only one
they're going to let out is four
355
00:22:52,060 --> 00:22:55,480
They're coming for us. They expect
for... All right, fellas, start getting
356
00:22:55,480 --> 00:22:56,480
undressed.
357
00:22:58,980 --> 00:23:00,300
This is about since I was a baby.
358
00:23:00,560 --> 00:23:03,640
Yeah. I'm going to pop one of those
uniforms out the window to helmet judge.
359
00:23:05,580 --> 00:23:06,419
I'll kill you.
360
00:23:06,420 --> 00:23:09,300
Just try to be a good soldier. I don't
remember. Not one war.
361
00:23:09,580 --> 00:23:12,040
Okay, American soldiers, you are free.
362
00:23:12,360 --> 00:23:13,360
Adios, Mac.
363
00:23:17,940 --> 00:23:20,900
Hey, stop them. They're the bandits.
We're the soldiers.
364
00:23:21,120 --> 00:23:23,400
Shut up, you crooks. None of your sneaky
tricks.
365
00:23:23,700 --> 00:23:25,600
And shoot me out of the American
soldiers.
366
00:23:25,880 --> 00:23:26,719
El Muchacho.
367
00:23:26,720 --> 00:23:32,140
I killed you, El Muchacho. How did I do
it? Wait, hey, wait a minute. Hey, you
368
00:23:32,140 --> 00:23:33,140
left the door open.
369
00:23:36,240 --> 00:23:37,760
What are you, nuts or something? Come
on.
370
00:23:38,740 --> 00:23:41,320
Every time we get outside, we've got to
take our clothes off.
371
00:23:42,760 --> 00:23:45,100
Don't. Talk to him. How do we know he
ain't on the Churchill?
372
00:23:45,300 --> 00:23:46,300
Oh, come on. Out.
373
00:23:46,380 --> 00:23:47,380
Out.
374
00:23:55,320 --> 00:23:58,840
You're the president of Mexico. Where's
your cabinet? There's been a revolution.
375
00:23:59,020 --> 00:24:02,200
We're asking the United States to hide
it. You got it? I've got it. Well, where
376
00:24:02,200 --> 00:24:04,880
are you going? The president has gone
back to jail where it's safe.
377
00:24:09,960 --> 00:24:10,939
No place to hide.
378
00:24:10,940 --> 00:24:14,780
Which one of you men is Sergeant Bilko?
I think it was General Mendoza. He was
379
00:24:14,780 --> 00:24:20,000
there with Carlos and the... Sergeant
Bilko? Yes, I've got an authorization
380
00:24:20,000 --> 00:24:22,240
to let Bilko, Paparelli, Zimmerman, and
Doberman through.
381
00:24:22,500 --> 00:24:25,400
Hey, wait a minute. That's us. That
means we can go back there, right?
382
00:24:25,400 --> 00:24:26,900
right. Everything's been straightened
out.
383
00:24:27,140 --> 00:24:28,780
El Muchacho and his gang have been
caught.
384
00:24:29,000 --> 00:24:29,959
He has.
385
00:24:29,960 --> 00:24:32,280
Let's go back and get the reward money.
Come on. Wait a minute, Sergeant. He's
386
00:24:32,280 --> 00:24:35,120
letting us through. Let's go back there
where it's safe and sound. Yeah, let's,
387
00:24:35,120 --> 00:24:38,300
Sergeant. All right, let's go back. The
land of the free and the home of the
388
00:24:38,300 --> 00:24:39,300
brave. Thanks, buddy.
389
00:24:39,580 --> 00:24:41,240
Okay, you guys, you're under arrest.
390
00:24:41,520 --> 00:24:42,520
Under arrest?
391
00:24:42,580 --> 00:24:44,880
Seven days and a three -day pass.
392
00:24:45,140 --> 00:24:47,320
Pass? Popino pass. Popino pass?
393
00:24:47,820 --> 00:24:51,700
Popino pass. Pass the double talk,
buddy, and get in the truck.
394
00:24:53,740 --> 00:24:54,740
Everywhere you go.
395
00:24:58,520 --> 00:25:05,380
Also seen in tonight's cast where Leon
Velasco
396
00:25:05,380 --> 00:25:06,380
is...
397
00:25:08,360 --> 00:25:12,920
Leonardo Cimino as the three bandits,
Bob Hastings as the customs officer, and
398
00:25:12,920 --> 00:25:14,560
Arnie Freeman as the jailer.
399
00:25:17,140 --> 00:25:21,020
Now, stay tuned for The Addams Family,
next on TV Land.
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