All language subtitles for Grimsburg.S02E10.1080p.WEB.h264-ETHEL_track3_[eng]

[Bass thumping]

Extra Wet Double Soaker

with a side of Drippy Fries,
and hurry.

I have to drive
through residential areas

and wake people up
with my tiny--big engine.

[Revs engine, tires squeal]

Ugh! Come on!

[Honks horn]

Goose: Honk!
Man: Ugh.

Get out of the way, goose!

Goose: Honk!

Dunh! God! Ugh! So lame!

You better not mess up
my bumper when I run you over,

or I'm gonna--

[Revs engine]

Goose: Honk.
Man: Ugh!

[Grunting]

[Crack]

Aah!

[Screaming, goose honking]

[Sounds stop]

[Bass thumping]

-Cool car.
-Honk!

[Theme music playing]

[Glass breaks]

Martinez:
So today I would like to--

Flute: What's going on?
Is this a religious service,

an AA meeting, a roast?

If so, I've got some
good material.

Ahem. Wynona's been
sampled by so many DJs

Spotify should send her
a royalty.

Flute, these are
the new morning meetings

we'll be having
now that I'm the chief.

Did you not get the invite?

Oh, I got your invite,

and then I wiped my butt with it
and threw it in the trash.

I sent it in an e-mail.

Which is why I need
a new laptop.

Sit down and put
your sandwich away!

Now that I'm in charge,

things will be different
around here.

According to my new book

on Steve Jobs' leadership style,

the key to running a tight ship

is to think different

while wearing the same outfit

over and over again

until it smells terrible.

Also, I will no longer
be acknowledging

my first child.

Why are we changing things?

I mean, this place ran
just fine before.

back me up on how stupid
your new boss

is being, Summers.

Summers: Uh, Summers
isn't here right now.

Please leave a message. Boop!

Flute: Oh. Hey, Summers.

Sorry I missed you,
but don't you agree

things ran just fine back when--

Summers:
The voice mailbox is full

and does not want to take sides.
Good-bye.

Dispatch: Body found
in the Soakers parking lot.

Martinez: Team, let's go!
Flute: I'm on the case!

Dispatch: Can we talk about
getting me a window in here?

D-did you leave already?

That's right.
I wouldn't know

because I don't have a window!

Hi. I'm Harmony.

I'll be chaperoning
your field trip today

to City Hall.

I never went to middle school

because I was raised
in the wild,

so I am super excited
to finally see

what sixth grade is all about.

I hope my boobs don't look
like that when I'm 60.

Harmony: I'm 38!

So is my court-appointed
therapist.

Oh, that little bitch!

I'm obsessed. Who is she?

That's Khaleesi.

She's the coolest girl
in our class.

Rumor has it
she's dating a ghost

who's in high school.

She was so mean to me,
yet all I want to do

is whatever she wants
so that she'll like me.

-What's happening?
-Welcome to middle school.

As you know,
the legal voting age

in this country is 18 and over

except in Grimsburg,
where our constitution

clearly states voters
must be under the age of 18.

While most believe
this was a simple typo,

unfortunately
our 23rd amendment

is "no take backs,"

so with election season
upon us--

Harmony: Nerd alert!

[Camera clicking]

Hey, Wynona.
Did you see how stupid

Martinez look with
her new professional pantsuit

and professional hairdo

and professional lack
of laughter

when I put my butt up
to the drive-thru mic

and ordered 3 medium...
[Farts]

and a large chocolate...
[Farts twice]

Don't drag me into your office
hate affair with Martinez.

This is why I hang
with dead people.

They don't put me in the middle
unless I pose them that way.

Kang: Look. Things have changed,
and you need to accept that

because this little spat
between you two

is destroying the office vibe,

a vibe I've worked
tirelessly to cultivate.

I didn't put that
cactus agave candle

in the bathroom
to have you ruin it.

Fix your beef with Martinez.

There's nothing wrong
with my beef.

My beef is fine.
Her beef stinks.

I just want to go back to
the old system

where I do what I want
when I want, how I want

why I want, where I want,
who I want, whom I want,

and the lesser known but equally
effective whomst I want.

New rule! No more crime minds!

[Smack]

The crime mind
is my whole thing.

Without it, I'm just
the best-looking detective

in the office.

Whomst do you think you arst?

Martinez: I arst your bosst,

which means I make the rules,

so from now on,
we wear gloves

when handling evidence.

And what happens if I do this

or this or this?

Muh?

Ehhn, ehhn, ehnn!

OK. That's it.

Now, what are you gonna do, huh,

yell at me, call me a doofus,

curse me out in that
other language you speak?

No. I'm going to write you up
for insubordination.

Flute: Err.

Server: Here's your 3 medium...
[Farts]

and one chocolate...
[Farts twice]

sir.

Dilquez:
Welcome, child voters!

Y'all bussin'. Bible. Heh heh.

Now my pollsters say you
are a swing grade

for me in this election,
and I respect that.

No cap,
which is why I'll prove I'm

the only candidate who will
fight for you in Fortnite

so that we can build
something great

in Minecraft

and together we can tear
down any Roblox

that get in our way.

Now let's get to
the real pandering.

Children, please say hello to...

What the?!

If you'll excuse me
for a moment.

Oh. Hey, Harmony.

He and I used to do it.

It's OK. His wife knew.

She sometimes watched,
but then I was over it,

and now Mrs. Dilquez
and I are best friends.

Adult sex is complicated.

You're so mother. I love it.

You're with us today.
Take this.

Skates: It's made
of substitute teacher hair.

[Sniffs]

I can smell their fear of you.

Martinez: It gives me
no pleasure punishing you.

I look orgasmic
for other reasons.

Flute: Oh, yeah? Well, I can
write stuff down, too.

Mayor, thank God you're here.

I'm filing a report on Martinez.
It's all there.

My goose is loose,

and youse twos need to find
that goose,

so vamoose!

I just watched "The Lorax."

We're kind of
on a murder investigation.

Isn't this a job
for animal control?

Sorry, but Frank
and the gang

have their hands full
this week

with another wacky

but emotionally grounded
adventure,

so you need to find him,
and be careful.

My goose is...special.

I'll find your goose,
but if I do,

Martinez can no longer be
my boss.

Martinez: Mayor, would you
please explain to Flute

that the reason I got this job
over him is because--

Dilquez: I don't care
about your departmental

squibble-squabbles,

so whoever finds my goose
can have

whatever they want.

Oh, and if neither
of you find him,

you're both fired.

Both: We accept
your wild goose chase.

I'm gonna make you
the smartest goose.

It's a low bar,
but we're passing it.

-Honk.
-Shh!

Honk!

[Librarian grunting]

[Goose grunting]

[Librarian groaning]

[Screaming]

Woman: Shh!

Librarian, whispering: Aah!
Not the eyes.

I need them for reading
because I'm a librarian! Aah!

Time to get that goose,

which will get Martinez's goose,

and then things will be back
to the glorious,

gooseless,
godless way it was before.

Summers: Let's go,
you silly goose.

I'm sorry.
That was in poor taste.

-I'm doing this alone.
-Great!

Everyone else is on my team.

Flute: What? That's not fair.

I want a team, too.

Marvin: You just want them
because I have them.

Flute: Uh, no doy!

That's how
petty jealousy works.

Ugh. I'm sorry.

Would you mind stepping
on a chair?

My back is killing me today.

Martinez: I'm the boss.
You come down to me.

Flute: Fine.

[Grunting]

You can't tell me what to do!

Kang: Hey, hey!
We've got a better chance

of saving the vibe
and catching the goose

if we all work together.

Exactly.
Together on separate teams

pitted against each other.

Let's pick.

[Grunting]

Ladies
and whatever you are first.

Kang!

Summers: Ooh, ooh!
Can I have a second

to practice my surprise face
when you pick me over Wynona?

Ooh!

Wynona: But I don't want to be
on anybody's team.

I want to be neutral
like Switzerland

or journalists
before the 1990s.

Summers...

you're with me.

Don't worry. You'll be
my man on the inside.

Team Secret Flute.

Summers:
Ooh! Do we get code names?

Flute: I'm already
regretting this.

Summers: And I'm Dr. Marzipan.

These are the giant scissors
I used to cut

the ribbon for the mall
that burned down.

Ah! I are used to open
the casino that exploded.

This. Oh, this!
Oh, my God! This one's--

Khaleesi: Where's the cool
thing you promised us?

Harmony: Yeah, we're sick
of this. We want...

Taylor's version!

Uh, almost ready,
but first, my wife.

[Machinery whirs]

Ha ha ha. Good one, honey.

Moving on.

Harmony:
I'm in with the cool crowd.

We're wearing the wrong jeans.
I'll fill you in later.

Stan: During the last election,
you replaced

all of Grimsburg's subways
with zip lines to make

public transportation, quote,
"Greener and super rizzed up."

Have they actually
lowered emissions

even though the busses
you take to the top

run on diesel?

Uh...who wants to see
an execution, huh?

[Librarian sobbing]

Flute:
Afternoon, crying book officer.

Tell me everything you know.

Librarian: I already told
the other detectives

the goose attacked me
after I caught it reading.

Wait! Are you trying
to tell me that

Martinez beat us here?

Great job, Wynona!
Now I'm gonna lose

because you're slowing me down

like Matt Damon
slows down Ben Affleck.

Hey. I didn't ask to be
a part of this,

so stop taking your frustrations
out on me and Matt Damon.

He's clearly the alpha
in that relationship.

It's true.

Ugh. Whatever.
We're wasting time.

We got to find out what
Martinez knows!

All right?
One of them is a superhero,

and the other one bought a zoo.

Come on!

Where are you going next,
goosey?

[Cell phone vibrates]

Hello, Already Regretting This.

Go for Dr. Marzipan.

Flute: 'Sup?
My team's doing great.

We basically solved it,
so we're just chilling,

looking at Zillow porn.

Found a castle
in Idaho for 90 grand.

Thinking about it,
but while I got you,

tell me everything
Martinez knows.

Martinez:
Who are you talking to?

Summers: Aah!

Uh, my best friend Clarinet.

You wouldn't know him.

He's a single dad
with a drinking problem,

who thinks I didn't see
him cry over a hot dog

he dropped at a baseball game.

Flute: It cost $12 and was
in a souvenir bun.

Martinez: I can't believe
you betrayed me.

Flute: Don't worry, Summers.

I could use a guy like you
on my team.

Wynona is being
a total Matt Damon.

Martinez:
I'm fine with those apples.

Wynona, want to join my team?

I'll let you take
a body home this week.

Wynona: Ugh! Why can't we just
get along

like the fire department

and make sexy calendars together

like a real
public safety office?

[Crying]

Kang: Well,
you two finally did it.

You killed the vibe.

Martinez:
You can't kill a vibe.

It's not even real.

Not real, not real?

Then why would Spencer's Gifts
sell a vibe meter?

We're at a two,

so now I have to go save
the vibe

and find this goose without you.

Summers:
Well, at least you still got me.

Martinez and Flute: Get out!

Dispatch: Truck explosion
at the bread crumb factory.

Assailant described
as short, white,

and covered in feathers.

My God! Bjork is back.

Dispatch: Not this time.

Reports are it's a goose
who was last seen flying south

towards the Grimsburg
Piescraper.

Not that I could see it in here.

All I can see is a 1998
"Dilbert a Day" calendar,

and I'm starting
to find it funny.

Help me!

Stan:
And in regards to fracking,

what did you mean when you said

"Unprotected fracking is fine
if they look clean"?

Stan, can I see you
in my office?

We got this

As long as he doesn't have
one of those

Matt Lauer desk buttons.

Dilquez: All right.
Who sent you?

The opposition, the news?

Is your cape a camera?

That's actually very plush.

Who makes this?

I just want to be
an informed voter.

Why? The system is what it is,

and we just choose a new bozo
to pop at the top,

and I want to stay that bozo.

I'll give you whatever
you want to stop

this informed nonsense.

Now, this is real politics,
Stanatee!

Greased palms
and backdoor deals!

Tell him we want
arson legalized.

Kang: Mayor, we need to talk.

Your goose is reading,

committing random acts
of violence,

and ruining my work vibe.

Look. I've got
an election to win,

and what do children love most?

Summers: Macaroni.
Wynona: Ritualistic violence.

Dilquez: Talking animals,

so I went on the dark web
and got the goose,

one of those limitless pills
from that movie,

but I worried it
might not be real

because, you know,
it's just a movie,

so I also gave him some

CPH4 pills
from the movie "Lucy,"

a few red pills
from "The Matrix,"

and everything they took
in "The Wolf of Wall Street."

So you made a "Limitless"
"Lucy" talking goose?

Khaleesi: A talking goose?

[Cheering]

Called it.

Flute: The Grimsburg Piescraper,

the pie factory in the sky
that the mayor built

after misunderstanding
what it meant

to promise voters
that very thing.

Martinez: I can't believe we
have to work for that idiot.

Flute: Now you know how I feel.

[Goose honking]

Honk.

Martinez: Here, Mother Goose!
Come on!

There you go!

We're like the same size,
same size, same team.

Flute: No, no, no, come to me.

I've got a pocket full
of scratch-offs

I can't tell if I won
and this sandwich

somebody wouldn't let me eat.

Wait. Hey, little birdie
honk honk.

You like hoagie honk honk?

Wait, Flute! Don't!

I think that goose killed
the guy at the drive-thru?

Flute: Killer goose? Nice try.

Ha! I win.

Thank you, mayor's goose.

Goose: Oh.
I'm the mayor's goose?

Flute: What's wrong, Martinez?

Jealous the goose isn't asking
you ominous questions?

Agh! Talking goose.

Now it all makes sense.

The mayor made me.

He is responsible
for who I have become,

and now he must take
responsibility

for what I must do.

Martinez: What the--

[Wings flapping]

Flute:
Well, there goes our goose.

Martinez:
No, there goes our jobs.

Starting to wish that was Bjork.

Flute: Are you, though?
Martinez: No. You're right.

Martinez: The goose is headed
to City Hall.

To the stairs!

Flute: Stairs? There's no time.

We have to jump.
It's way faster.

Look for a French café awning
we can bounce off of.

Yoooou doofus!
[Poof]

There she is. I thought
I'd never see you again

after you sold out.

How did I sell out?

Reading all your
management books and wearing

that stupid power suit.

You look like you're cosplaying

as a ladies'
college basketball coach.

You know what? I don't love
this outfit either,

but at least I don't
look like I'm smuggling

a basketball under my shirt.

Really? A fat joke
in this climate?

Grow up. Oh, wait,
you already tried that?

-That's a short joke!
-Those are still in play.

No one's made a stink
about those yet.

Martinez: Speaking of stink...
Flute: Don't you dare.

This is Russell by Kurt for
Kurt Russell Cologne, stupid.

Martinez: Me stupid? You stupid!

I thought the stupidest
thing in town

was the mayor's Piescraper
until I met you.

Flute: That's about
the stupidest thing

I've ever heard
because everyone knows

the stupidest thing in town
is the mayor's zipline.

Wait. What did you say?

Flute: I said that's
the stupidest thing

I've ever heard.

-No, the other thing.
-Russell by Kurt?

There was the basketball thing.
Teeth?

Martinez: No, the zip line.

-I figured it out!
-I said it first!

No, you said it,
but I put it together.

How can you figure it out?
It was my idea.

-You're so sad.
-You're mental.

Goose, goose, goose, goose!

All right. We're gonna have
to pay off this kids.

Cash, candy, and a sip of beer.

You know the drill.

Goose: Mayor Dilquez.

[Cheering]

Yes, yes. My gift to you,
a talking goose.

[Click]

Please don't kill me.

Goose: I cannot kill you
because I need you.

Where once I was happy
to eat moss and bugs in a lake,

now I look upon those joys
with confusion and disdain.

I dream of ignorance.

Make me a goose again.

Look, I wish I could
change you back,

but I just can't.

They didn't make a movie
called "Limitless Less."

[Whooshing]

Flute: Hands up!

Feathers up? Wings?

Goose: Change me back,
or he gets it.

Oh, yeah, goose?

Well, two can play at that game.

Put your gun down,
or she gets it.

Harmony: Oh, OK.

[Murmuring]

Why? She means nothing to me.

Flute: Join the club.
She means nothing to me, too.

I mean, she used to
before she got all boring

and started dressing
like Pat Summitt.

Martinez: Wait. Used to?
What do you mean by that?

-Elaborate.
-I would never.

How about now?

[Indistinct chatter]

Flute: Fine. Ever since
I lost this promotion,

I feel like I've lost
my best enemy.

I miss us.

Martinez: So you're not jealous
that I'm the chief?

Flute: No. I just want you to be
a detective again

so we can go back to
spiting each other as equals.

Everything is weird now.
Not like you'd care.

Martinez: Maybe I do!

Flute: Then prove it, hotshot.

[Murmuring]

Martinez: OK, fine.
I miss it, too.

My love language is hate,

but there's nothing we can do!

Flute: Why not? We--wait.

I think I need the gun again.

Summers: You can have mine.

Martinez: No. We're good.

-Why not?
-Because I'm your boss now.

I can't fight with you anymore.

Can't you see that?

Kang: Enough!

Can't you see that fighting
is what

makes you both better?

Martinez: We have no idea what
you're talking about.

Kang: How about now, punks?

Khaleesi: Whoa!
What's going on actually?

Flute: He's right.
Once we started fighting,

we figured out how to get
off that Piescraper,

but if we can't fight anymore,

then I'm done with this...

and the this I'm referring
to is living.

[All gasp]

Martinez: No, Flute!
Don't do it!

I know everything seems
different

now, but--but--

Goose: But nothing...
has changed.

-What?
-Just because someone

is different does not mean
everything must change.

Even though I am now
all knowing,

it does not mean I cannot still
be a goose and eat breadcrumbs

or lunge at an unsupervised
toddler in the park.

So just because she's my boss...

Doesn't mean
we can't hate each other.

Flute: I hate you, always will.

Martinez: And I wish you had
pulled that trigger

and killed yourself...doofus.

All: Aw!

No. By the power vested in me
by the hard-working children

of this city,
I hereby pardon him

because I cannot kill
the goose that lays

the golden egg of truth.

I guess the only thing
that I really care about

in politics is compassion.

Khaleesi: O.M. God. He's crying?

What a loser baby.

I know this will end my time
as a popular sixth grader,

but that loser baby is my baby,

and I am so mother,
his mother, a mother.

I don't even know if I'm
saying any of this right,

but you know what?

I don't care.

Khaleesi: Not caring?
That is so father.

Dispatch: Body found
at the corner of Diane Lane

and Peekaboo Street.

-Team, let's move!
-I'm on the case!

Wynona: Uh-oh.

Are Mom and Dad gonna fight?

Nope. Good job today, numbnuts.

It's actually numbnut,
and thank you.

Vibes so good
I don't even have to check.

Flute: Team, let's move.

Take the lead, chief.

Heh heh.

Goose: And while I never
consented

to the changes thrust upon me,

I now see that change
often brings us

into a new light.

You know, like how they change
the Batmans all the time.

-Oh.
-Ah. I see.

Which is why today I announce

my candidacy for mayor,

and together,
we will demand change.

Now that's
a cool promise--change.

Can we go now?
I'm so frickin' bored.

Voice: Bento.