All language subtitles for Common Side Effects S01E01 - Pilot.en

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Original subtitles

Well, actually, our research has shown overall

that diarrhea is the most preferable side effect

compared to, you know, the depression,

suicidal thoughts, or even constipation.

Okay? Alright, next question.

Oh, God. My boss just said "diarrhea" on stage.

I'm gonna have to call you back.

Uh, hello. Yes, my question is,

when will this company stop the destruction it's causing

not just to indigenous communities...

Okay, okay.

- Excuse me, I-I have the floor. - Alright. Alright.

- As we said... - In the Peruvian highlands, to rare local plants...

Yeah, yeah. We have a whole system.

To fungi, to an entire ecosystem...

Can someone get security, please? I'm sorry.

- No, we don't need security. - Security, please.

- Excuse me... - Look, buddy,

we're not doing this, okay?

Hold on, hold on. Let me finish.

This company, your company,

has destroyed fungal colonies

that were there three million years.

This is a Banisteriopsis. Does that mean anything to you?

- Security, please. - It's been here since before insects.

Hey! Don't touch me. Do not touch me.

- Thank you. - Don't touch the plant.

Thank you, thank you.

- I-I'm sorry, everybody. - I'm exercising my rights!

My name is Marshall Cuso. I am a shareholder...

- Oh, my God. Marshall? - I... Excuse me!

If I disappear, investigate Reutical Pharmaceuticals.

They may attempt to harm me. They have harmed me in the past.

Hippie living with his mom.

Hey, easy. No need for that.

Aw, man.

Marshall? I thought that was you.

Frances. It's Frances, from high school.

- Oh, yea... Hey, Frances. - You're alive!

I heard that you died in a plane crash or I...

No, no, that was misreported.

- I survived, obviously. - Oh good! Wow!

Ha, yeah. What're you...

Do you work around... here?

Oh, I work for the CEO of this... company.

It's ur-urban planning. Yeah.

You have a plant.

Yeah, it could use some shade.

And I knew as I was doing it, it wasn't right.

Oh, no!

Yeah. I maybe didn't "peak" in high school.

Oh, yeah. Well, hey, I mean, I didn't either, right?

I was such an idiot.

Then, all of a sudden, the world got very, very real.

I mean, I got all this student debt.

And then my mom got dementia.

Oh, Frances, I'm sorry.

Sonia. Yeah.

I remember your mother.

Oh, yeah, well, she doesn't remember you, or anything.

Okay, Frances.

Can I... Can I tell you a secret?

Uh, yeah, please.

Okay, just go with me for a minute.

What if there were a medicine

that could heal, like, almost anything?

Well, yeah, that would be great. Sure.

Yeah, right?

But what if they didn't want you to know about it?

"They"? Sorry, who's "they"?

"They" is big pharma,

it's the insurance companies, the government.

Think about all the people who make tons of money

just from keeping us sick, by keeping us unwell.

Yeah, that would be sick.

Well, yeah. It's a sick world.

What the fuck?!

But there's a cure.

What the fuck?

Guy's name is Marshall Cuso.

He's the one playing with the pigeon?

Now, don't let that fool you.

He's a dangerous man.

Got a monopoly on some kind of new drug.

Something very powerful.

It's plant-based, maybe a mushroom or a seed.

It could be hallucinogenic, addictive, fatal.

They want it nipped in the bud.

"They"?

Oh, okay, yeah.

Okay, so who do we got?

Right. Um, I have one free team.

Copano and Harrington.

Great. Are they any good?

โ™ช Shake, shake, shake, Senora, shake your body line โ™ช

โ™ช Shake, shake, shake, Senora, shake it all the time โ™ช

โ™ช Work, work, work, Senora, work your body line โ™ช

โ™ช Work, work, work, Senora, work it all the time โ™ช

โ™ช My girl's name is Senora โ™ช

โ™ช I tell you, friends, I adore her โ™ช

โ™ช And when she dances, oh, brother โ™ช

โ™ช She's a hurricane in all kinds of weather โ™ช

โ™ช Jump in the line, rock your body in time โ™ช

- Yeah, Copano... - Yeah, Copano and Harrington.

Yeah, yeah, they're good. They're good.

Copano and Harrington are good.

A mushroom?

Not just any mushroom.

The caviar, the ghost orchid of mushrooms.

I mean, the chances of this growing naturally...

Frances, it's like a one-in-a-billion Goldilocks situation.

A special valley, isolated by mountains.

The fog lasts just long enough.

The humidity is just right.

The limestone in the soil is perfect

to produce a rare, specific kind of grass.

And in this grass grows a very, very intense mushroom.

And I found it.

Kinda had some trouble getting out of there.

Come on, come on, come on, come on, kid.

Come on!

You couldn't wait one more minute?

Aah!

Ah...

Oh, my God, oh, my God.

And shit.

I also ended up with a pet tortoise.

Flat white for Gegory. Gegory!

That has to be "Gregory," right?

Anyway, I'm almost out of mushrooms...

Hey, what's up? For Gegory?

Thanks.

So that really was his name. Gegory.

- Marshall! - Right. Sorry.

I'm almost out of mushrooms.

And this valley is so special,

but it's being destroyed as we speak.

This company, Reutical Pharmaceuticals... evil people.

They have a waste dump site just upstream.

Uh, yeah. Yeah, I've... I've heard of those guys.

Their CEO is this, like, evil...

I mean, he's not even smart enough to be evil.

Rick Kruger?

He's just a functionary of demonic forces.

He's like the Devil's idiot butler.

Oh.

Then I started to understand.

No one's listening because they didn't want to hear it.

I mean, Frances, look around. Does this look healthy to you?

I mean, people are so lost and confused and upset,

and we spend more money than ever on healthcare,

and everyone's still sick.

The whole system is sick.

- And this...? - It's too powerful.

It would put everyone who profits off selling drugs

and keeping us sick out of business.

I'm so... I'm so sorry. I-I just...

No, no, go. Please, take it.

I-I should probably calm myself down anyway.

No I just ran into somebody.

I can be, like, ten minutes, or less.

Uh, yup, yeah. Okay. Uh, see you soon.

Copano, is celery carrot's cousin or a sibling?

You don't have to answer right away.

Huh, yeah.

Okay, Agent Harrington.

I think I finally figured it out.

Okay, I'll pretend I'm not listening.

Start... here.

Dallas. Dealey Plaza, where Oswald shoots JFK.

Allegedly.

Now, Austin.

You know the tower?

Charles Whitman? He was messed up.

Next, Oklahoma City. What happened there?

- The bombing? - Exactly.

Timothy McVeigh. He was obsessed with what?

With Waco.

Do you think my haircut makes me look like Timothy McVeigh?

Maybe not now that it's grown out.

No! I think it looks good.

But that's not all.

Killeen, first real mass-shooting event in America.

A guy shot 27 people in a Luby's Cafeteria.

- How do you know all this? - Look at this, man.

Shooter corridor right through here.

I'm thinking they're gonna send us up here or down here,

to stop the next one.

Look what I made.

You see? That's smart.

Finally some...

Copano, Harrington, follow me.

Are we going somewhere on the map?

Map? No, no, that had to do with the kids...

There were kids coming in.

We were showing them the different... the...

Forget the map. Let's go.

But thanks to Enablin, stains on my pants?

They aren't one of my worries.

But thanks to Enablin, stains on my pants?

They aren't one of my worries.

So, uh...

So, that's the take?

That's the one we're gonna use?

- Is Frances here? - Yeah, uh-huh.

Frances, do you like this?

Uh, for what it is, uh, yes?

From a marketing perspective, uh, maybe a bigger conversation?

Ugh, marketing.

Lotta those types are gonna have to get fired.

You know what, guys?

Take a couple frames off the top.

Also, is the logo the old version?

Can we adjust it, just so we have it?

- Um, okay. - Hey, there you go, Frances.

Boy, you really know how to sell medicine

for geriatric incontinence and urine leakage, don't ya?

Just need your okay on the legal disclaimer.

Dry mouth, constipation, nausea, stomach upset,

stomach pain, blurred vision, dry eyes, skin irritation,

loose bowel movements, disturbed sleep...

Is that... We have to say all that?

All the language came from legal, so...

Ugh. Okay, well, how fast can you play that?

- Here's 1.8. - Dry mouth,

constipation, nausea, stomach upset, stomach pain,

blurred vision, dry eyes...

That's... That's too fast. Sounds like an elf.

Try one unit less.

Do you want the part about the ice chips?

Jesus, ice chips? What?

To relieve dry mouth,

suck ice chips, chew sugarless gum,

drink water, or use a saliva substitute...

No, no, they're on their own for dry mouth.

We don't need some lady

choking on an ice chip and suing us.

Okay, we're good. We're good. You guys good?

We're good. Frances?

Okay, so, your dinner reservation, I printed it.

I know you like physical paper. It is on your desk,

And tomorrow's crossword is also in there.

I got it early...

Just had a conversation with the board.

Ugh, Jonas Backstein, God. You don't want him not happy.

Those guys scare the shit outta me, to be honest.

Ugh. God.

You know I haven't seen my wife in three weeks?

Weird part is, she hasn't complained.

So, uh, shakeups are coming.

I'm not sure if we're gonna survive.

If I'm going down, you're going down.

Rick, what would happen

if I brought this company, like, a new product?

A new product? You mean like a drug?

- Yes, kind of. I-I don't know. - Uh, still exploring.

Just kind of a hypothetical.

Well, if somebody brought something

we can bring to market...

I'd make that person very wealthy.

Oh. Um, okay. Let me explore.

Well, hurry up, Magellan.

Get me something by the end of Q3

and you can have my beach house.

- Hey, this is Marshall Cuso. - Please leave a message.

Hi, um, Marshall, sorry I missed you.

I'm not sure what happened,

but it was so nice catching up with you.

Would you want to, I don't know, meet up again?

Maybe in the city, or I could come to you, or...?

It'd just be really nice to see you again.

Okay! Oh, it's Frances! Bye!

Hey, Mr. Socrates, back from the city.

You'd hate it.

Oh! Listen to this.

Hi, um, Marshall, sorry I missed you...

Frances Applewhite.

I haven't seen her since high school. Can you believe that?

- Would you want to... - Doesn't she sound nice?

I don't know, meet up again?

Oh, let me get you some food.

Okay, yeah, this hits. What's this?

Italo disco, one of my favorite genres.

Although many of the top producers were in fact German.

Mmm!

I thought they only made sausages

and chocolates and shit.

Whatever, it's working.

Hmm. Hey, let me ask you something.

This guy owns all the way back to that highway?

Yeah, like 2,000-something acres.

And that's from drug money?

He's done some wild stuff.

I did a dive on the guy.

Apparently, at some point, he analyzed bar codes

in the New Hampshire lottery,

figured out which ones were winners,

and won $11 million.

He was investigated, but apparently it was totally legal.

Did you not read the file?

Oh, I read the file.

He's an expert on quassinode extraction.

He has three birds named after him in New Guinea.

He won the Havlstrom Prize.

Uh, correction... He was runner up

for the Havlstrom Prize.

- See? That's why we're partners. - I knew he was runner up.

I was testing you. You passed.

Does this seem like an everyday drug dealer to you?

Job's the job.

Warrant's good?

Let's do this.

Marshall Cuso?

Hey, brainstorm with me for one sec.

If you wanted to, like, delete any trace of where you worked,

like, online, Facebook, Linkedln...

do you think that you could do that?

- Uh-oh. Who are you hiding from? - I just want to be more private.

So... Okay, so, I've been reading this interview

with a psychologist

who thinks that sex should be more like, um...

like a form of play.

Yes, um, sorry, what... what were you saying?

Baby, just try looking into my eyes for like 30 seconds.

It's really good for, like, our... our chakra, soul,

sexual connection stuff.

- Babe? - Sorry, Nick.

It's just, there's, like, a work situation. I...

- Hello? - Frances?

Yeah. Yes. Hi!

Oh. Where are you?

Um, actually, I-I'm in your neighborhood right now.

Really?

I know it's weird, but, uh,

listen, can we meet up?

It's kind of urgent.

Uh, and just two things to mention ...

Some people are following me, and I brought my tortoise.

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