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So, I think it might be the alternator.

So, what do we do now?

It'll be dark soon.

We might as well camp here tonight.

Come on.

♪

Is this gonna make us late to Camp Trustfall?

Um, it depends.

It depends on when we get the truck up and running.

We're definitely not gonna be there early.

I don't know, I just don't wanna get yelled at.

I'm sure Bob would understand.

I mean, I'm not talking about Bob.

I'm talking about Miss Crowell.

Like, she's a mean old witch.

I'd rather deal with Miss Crowell.

Roger-- that dude's a spazz.

Terry, I think someone's trying to take the truck.

Stay here, I'll be right back.

Ugh, fuck...

♪

♪

Fuck.

Hi.

Son of a bitch must've ran off.

Well, maybe-- maybe we shouldn't stay here tonight.

Hey, it's fine.

Whoever-- Whoever it is ran off,

and we have nowhere else to go tonight.

Well...

what if-- what if he comes back?

Well, that's what this is for.

♪

-Terry. -What?

Terry, someone's outside the tent.

-Huh? -Listen.

Is it raining?

Shit! That's gas!

♪

♪

♪

Do we really have to do this?

Why do we have to babysit a bunch of kids all summer?

Will you just relax?

I used to have a lot of fun at this camp when I was a kid.

This summer is going to be great.

You'll see.

You were ten, Tiff. It's not the same thing.

Do I look like I want to go to a summer camp?

No. Kimberly wants to party.

Well, there's gonna be boys there.

Ugh, boys and men,

because if they look anything like Ricky Stephens,

I'm gonna barf.

Just chill out, okay?

There's gonna be plenty of nice guys at camp.

Nice isn't exactly what I'm looking for.

We better have some fun this summer.

We will.

Hey, can you pull over

there at the store, please?

We're already running late, Kim.

I'm dying for a drink.

Fine.

Go get me a soda, will you?

No way. Go get your own soda.

I'm sorry, who's dragging who across the state

to go to her childhood summer camp?

I think the least you can do is grab me a drink

while I enjoy my final moments of freedom.

Fine.

Hello?

Hello?

Oh, yeah, great. Fantastic, okay.

Ooh.

That's great.

Hello?

-Hello?

Can I get some service, please?

-Gotcha! -Oh, my God!

-That is not funny, Kim. Are-- -What's the matter?

You having trouble getting serviced?

No, there's just nobody here.

Yeah, there is.

I saw a guy through the window

after you came in here.

-Are you serious? -Yeah.

He was right back over there.

Come on, man. Get off the can!

Let's go.

I tell you what.

My friend Tiffany here will show you her tits

if you come out right now!

Oh, my God, are you serious?

Stop. What if he heard you?

That's the idea, you got a better one?

Hey, guy.

My friend will give you a handjob

if you come out right now!

Oh, my God. No, shut up. Seriously.

-She thinks you're cute! -Stop.

-I'll give her your number! -Please stop, please stop.

-Just stop. Just stop. -Well--

I'm tired of waiting. Can we just go?

We still have to pay.

You don't want to be late for your precious

Camp Trustfall orientation, do you?

No.

But we can't leave without paying.

Fine, leave the money on the counter.

But... what about my change?

Screw the change, let's just go.

-What a creep. -What?

The guy's looking at us

through the window right now.

Should I-- should I turn around?

Ugh. No, that guy's a weirdo.

Okay.

Holy shit.

♪

Well, fuck you, then!

♪

Hey, I'm sorry about that.

I've been on the road a long time.

Thank you for picking me up.

♪

♪

So, who we waiting for?

The three new counselors.

Three new faces, that's so exciting!

And... Michael.

Deturris? You have to be shittin' me.

I thought he was too old to be a counselor.

Yeah.

I had to do something.

With what happened with Terry and Amy,

we were gonna be short staffed.

Yeah, that was pretty horrible.

But, I mean, who would put their tent

so close to the fire?

Well, at least we're fully staffed this year.

Not exactly.

One of the new counselors is in a wheelchair.

Jesus Christ, Bob.

I mean, how's he gonna get around here?

Shove him in a closet

until the end of summer for all I care.

Whatever. I'll handle it.

You're damn right you will.

♪ He's got no money 'cause he's got no job ♪

♪ Fuck it, man ♪

♪ He's got no friends 'cause a he's drunken slob ♪

♪ Fuck it ♪

♪ He's got a hell of a life ♪

♪ With his wife ♪

♪ Fuck it ♪

♪ And if he can, he'll get drunk tonight ♪

♪ He's got the answers to the problems... ♪

Call Todd over here.

Todd! C'mere!

Mr. Lahey.

Roger.

It's good to see you guys again.

Michelle...

pleasure as always.

Can it, Michael.

Glad to have you back with us.

-Thanks, Bob. -Yo, Mikey!

Hey, what's up, bro?

-Good to see you, man. -Hell yeah!

Didn't know you were coming back this year.

Dude, are you kidding me?

This place couldn't run without me.

Um, through a series of unfortunate events,

Mr. Deturris is with us for one more year,

but one more year only.

I hope you're ready for another exciting summer!

Hell yeah, I am.

Hey, I heard we got some, uh, fresh meat this summer.

-That right? -Yeah.

Uh, no fraternizing with the new counselors,

-Mr. Deturris. -Come on, Michelle.

You know you're my one and only, my belle.

It's Miss Crowell, smart ass.

So, uh, who else we got this year?

Oh, we got Zach and Hampton in cabin five.

Are you kidding me? Zach?

Not that asshole again.

Hey, watch your fucking language, Mr. Deturris.

Zach.

Zach is a vital part of our campers'

physical fitness and sports programs.

He's also a, uh, dick with ears.

I'm sorry. What was that, Michael?

Zack, I'm sorry, man. I must have, uh--

must have seen you standing there.

-Is that right? -Yeah.

Hey, Bob, when are you gonna give me

some real help around here, huh?

These two are nothing but a bunch of slackers.

-Look at 'em. -Hmm.

They're just here for the free ride.

That's why I'm so drawn to his mom.

You better shut the fuck up!

-Cut it out! -I'll fucking wreck you.

-Get off me, hey, come on! -Wanna go?

-Will you guys cut it out? -Prick.

Todd and Michael

are favorites among our young campers.

Yeah, well, let me explain something to you.

This right here?

It's not a popularity contest.

It's about getting the kids in shape.

Dude, they're kids.

They come to summer camp to have fun and make friends.

You know, that's the exact kind of mentality

that'll have them looking like you

-instead of looking like me. -Is that right?

Last thing any of us want is more of him walking around.

Gentlemen,

I believe two of our new counselors are here.

-Hi. -Hello, ladies.

You must be Tiffany and Kimberly.

Yeah, hi, I'm Tiffany, and this is Kim.

I'm Bob Lahey, the camp owner.

-Hi. -This is Michelle and Roger.

-Hi. -And some

of our returning counselors.

I want you to show them around.

Get them acquainted with everything.

We're supposed to have a third new counselor,

but I don't know where he's at.

Hey! Hey, guys. I'm comin', guys.

What is that?

Looks like Meals on Wheels.

Speak of the devil.

That would be Donnie,

our other new counselor.

Bob, I found him by the gate.

I'm assuming he belongs to you.

Sorry I'm late. My dad dropped me off at the end of the road.

-I'm Bob Lahey, the camp owner. -Oh, nice to meet you, Bob.

This is Michelle.

If you need anything, you go see her.

Do not come to me.

He's our new counselor?

You got be shitting me.

For those of you that do not know,

this is Miss Victoria Parker, our account director.

Please make sure you see her today

if you want to get paid.

Hi, everyone.

I need your IDs

and for you to fill out a form for payroll.

And, Bob, if you have a moment,

I need to speak with you.

Well, I'd love to stay and chat,

but I have a lot of work to do.

I'm gonna leave you in very capable hands

with Michelle and Roger.

It was really nice meeting you.

See you, Bob.

Roger, I have to go run a camp.

They're all yours.

That's not how this works, Michelle!

You're not my boss!

We're supposed to be a team, remember?

Co-camp director!

Poor Roger. She's never gonna respect you.

Nobody's gonna respect the fun-police over here.

He's only co-camp director 'cause he's Lahey's cousin.

Don't listen to him, Roger.

You got this, man.

Well, like it or not, Zach, I'm in charge.

And I know we're gonna have a great time this summer,

so we're gonna have to all learn to get along.

Now, moving on, ladies.

You're gonna find we have a great time here at camp.

But one thing we're pretty strict on

is being on time.

Yes, sir.

Yes, sir.

Great.

Todd, Michael.

You go ahead and show the girls around.

Zach,

you got Donnie.

What?

-No. -Sorry, Zach.

I'm in charge, remember?

Just drop it right here.

Yeah.

All right, ladies, this is your cabin.

So, one of you take the one on the left,

the other the right,

and the nurse's station is right down the trail here.

Then right next to that is the mess hall.

By the way, watch out for Larry, the cook.

That dude's a huge pervert.

Okay, so what are we supposed to do after we unpack?

Miss Crowell didn't really say.

What are you guys doing?

I'm checking the canoes

and making sure they're not all messed up.

I have to check the zip line and the rock wall.

You guys want some company?

-Sure, yeah. -Tell you what.

I'll go with Michael

and Tiffany here,

you can go with Todd.

Yeah, um,

would you guys give us a couple minutes

to put our stuff away?

-Sure. -Yeah.

Okay. Come on.

-Oh, I got it, thank you. -Sure.

Heh.

-Ow!

What was that for?

What are you doing?

What?

-You know what.

Oh, come on.

I could tell you like Todd

and I won't hate Michael.

How can I like him?

I don't even know him.

And how can you get to know him

if you're not around him?

Okay, well, you know I didn't come here to hook up.

Ugh, come on, Tiff.

Listen, you promised me boys.

You dragged me all the way out here.

You said we're gonna have fun.

I'm gonna loosen up.

I need you to loosen up, too.

I can't.

This job, it's too important to me.

And I don't want to get distracted by a guy.

Look, can we please just go find Miss Crowell

and find out what we're supposed to be doing?

Fine.

You unpack.

I'll let the guys know we're not coming.

Thank you.

All set?

Did Kim leave already?

Oh, yeah, she's left with Mike.

Of course she did.

Something wrong?

No, no, everything's fine.

Your friend tricked you, didn't she?

How did you know?

Mike does it to me all the time.

-Really? -Yeah.

But he means well.

It's not that I didn't want

to hang out with you, you know.

It's just that I really don't want to mess this up.

And my friend,

all she cares about are guys.

That's okay. I get it.

My friend's the same way.

Mike doesn't take things too seriously.

Well, it sounds like your friend

and my friend are perfect for each other.

Maybe. Listen.

You don't have to help me.

I can take you to Mrs. Parker's office

it's right up the way.

I know where it is.

I used to go to camp here as a kid.

Hmm. I been coming here since I was 14.

-How come I've never seen you? -Well,

I haven't been here since I was 12.

You know, after my parents got divorced, they just...

-stopped sending me. -Hmm.

I'm sorry to hear that.

It's fine.

You know, it's kind of the opposite for me.

Yeah, I swear my old man sent me here

just to get rid of me.

But it all worked out, though.

I mean, I met Mike and...

this place is a lot better than my home life.

Yeah.

I really missed it here.

-Yeah. -Hey,

do you guys still tell the kids

that creepy camp legend?

Legend? What legend?

Like, you know,

every camp has one,

and it's literally always the same.

Some vengeful camper coming back

and taking revenge on the camp, you know?

Mm, never heard o' that one.

-Really? -Mm-mm.

Huh.

I guess not everything is the way I remember it.

I wouldn't worry about it too much.

I'm sure all the best parts are all still the same.

Yeah.

Well, hey, I'm gonna go find out

what Miss Parker wants me to do.

Sure. Yeah, yeah, I, uh--

-guess I'll catch you later. -Okay.

-See ya. -See ya.

♪

Are you okay?

Yeah, I'm fine.

He's fine.

Well, help me get him up.

So, put your arms around me, there you go.

One, two, three.

-Thanks. -You're welcome.

Oh, here. Are these yours?

Uh, yeah. Those are mine.

No, it happens more than you think.

Just get some Krazy Glue.

I have, like, a extra pair, too.

-It's fine. Yeah. -Oh, okay. Good.

Caught this little creep

looking through my window while I was changing.

I was not looking.

I thought this was my cabin.

I thought Zach was showing you around.

He was. Kind of.

He brought me here and then left.

Zach told you this was your cabin?

Yeah.

What kind of person would do such a thing?

Who the hell are you?

Hi. Yeah, I'm Tiffany.

I'm one of the new counselors.

Todd was just showing me around,

and then I heard the scream, and so I came.

-Todd was showing you around? -Yeah.

-I didn't know he was here yet. -Yeah.

You know, he's really sweet.

Are you two friends?

We're a little more than friends.

Remember that.

-Oh. -You know what?

Why don't you help me find my cabin?

You know what? That is great.

Why don't you take Wheels to go find his cabin

and I'll go find my boyfriend, Todd?

You know. Yeah, I-- I can do that.

Um, that way you two can catch up and--

Look, I really didn't mean to imply that--

Great. Carry on.

Wow.

So, Donnie, is this your first time at camp?

Yeah, first time.

-Yeah? -Yeah.

That's awesome.

Well, I hope you have a really great summer.

Also, I know it's gonna be a little hard,

you know, being in a wheelchair and all,

but I want you to know

that I'll help you in any way I can.

Ah. Well, thanks.

I, uh, get to be around beautiful girl all summer,

so, uh, can't get that at my apartment.

You're very sweet.

Oh, fuck.

You should just slow down this shit, man.

If you fall on the fucking floor,

I'm gonna leave you there.

Joe, chill out, all right?

I got to fucking deal

with these little fucking shit bags all day.

This is the only thing that gets me through

without putting a bullet through my fucking brain.

Oh, yeah, well, that's the kind

of positive attitude I like to hear from our cook.

Hey.

How you doin', Michelle?

Uh, yeah, no, um,

you're looking lovely today.

Save the flattery, Larry.

I don't know why Mr. Lahey

insists on hiring you every year,

but you fuck up one time,

I'm going to throw your ass out of here

and you won't even know what's happening.

Uh, look, Michelle, that was the old Larry.

This is the new Larry. New and improved, right?

I'm a reformed man. You're gonna see.

I'm gonna be employee of the month here.

You're gonna be proud of me.

Get back to work.

Fucking shit all over the counter.

Clean it up. Straighten out, Larry.

♪

♪

This is so boring.

Well, you know, it would go a lot quicker

if I, uh, had a little help over here.

Ugh, canoes aren't exactly my thing.

Well, you can at least, you know, talk to me.

Keep me company.

Listen here, Mike.

You seem like a nice guy,

but I was only trying to help my girl Tiffany

get some alone time with your friend.

-A nice guy. -Yeah.

You're kind of a dweeb. Not exactly "cool."

What do you consider cool, then?

I'm more of a partier. Like, smoke.

-All right.

-Come with me, then. -Wait.

Where are we going?

Oh, you'll see when we get there.

-Hey, guys. -Jesus! What the hell?

You mind knocking next time?

Um, I did knock. You just couldn't hear me...

... over this junk you were listening to.

-Who's this? -It's Kimberly.

She's, uh, new at camp this year.

-Hey. -Hi, I'm Stacy.

I'm Hampton.

Kimberly here. She, uh-- she likes to party.

-Oh, yeah? -But, uh,

she thinks that because we're camp counselors,

that we don't know how to party.

Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait.

You guys smoke?

What the hell else do you think we do around here?

I could kiss you!

♪

Oh, hey, come on in. I'll just be a minute.

♪

Oh, it's you. Did you forget something?

-Oh!

Hey, uh, Cornbread.

Why don't you go

and, uh, alphabetize the soup cans or something?

The hell are you talking about?

We don't do anything with the cans.

Well, then why don't you go take my fucking mayonnaise

in the back and stir it?

All right, I'll stir your damn mayonnaise.

Bitch...

Hey, look, I'm really sorry about that.

It's just hard to find good help

out in the woods, you know?

So, uh, what's your name there, sugar lips?

-It's Tiffany. -Tiffany.

-That is a beautiful name. -Thanks.

I guess you're one of the new counselors here,

-huh, Tiffany? -Yeah.

it's actually my first year as a counselor,

but, um, I went to a camp here when I was a kid.

You don't really look old enough to be a counselor.

Well, I'm 20, so...

You ever been with an older man, Tiffany?

Can I just get my food, please?

Yeah, sure.

That should fill up that tight little belly of yours.

But look, Tiffany, uh,

you ever get hungry in the middle of the night or...

horny, and, uh,

you need a little something extra?

Walk on down to-- to old Larry's cabin.

And, uh, he'll, uh,

put a nice, big piece of meat

in that tight little body of yours.

-Hey, little girl.

I'm talking to you.

You don't want to go fucking with

the man who makes your food now, do you?

Hey. Needle Dick. Leave my friend alone.

Ain't no reason to go throwing insults around.

I'm just, uh, talking nice to the pretty little lady.

Next time you get friendly with her,

I'll castrate your ass.

Hey, you listen here, you little bitch.

Nobody comes into my kitchen and threatens me.

I was three tours in 'Nam

and I'll snap your neck like a fucking twig!

-Can I get my food now? -You want some fucking food?

I'll give you some fucking food.

-Bye! -Come on, Tiff.

You don't come into this fucking kitchen

talking shit.

Hey, Jeff, whose kitchen is this?

It's Andrew. Andrew Blocker.

Goddammit, Jeff, I got you this job,

and I can take it away!

Whose fucking kitchen is it?

It's your kitchen.

Just leave me alone.

Fucking Larry's kitchen. Larry's fucking kitchen.

Larry's fucking kitchen!

Hey, Tiffany.

Oh, hey, Donnie!

Did you make friends with that cripple kid?

Cut it out, Kim.

Hey, Donnie is really sweet.

Mind if I sit with you guys?

Yeah, of course!

Boy, that cook is not a nice guy.

You have no idea.

Why? Did he do something?

What are you gonna do about it, Romeo?

-Run him over? -For real, Kim?

-Cut it out. -What? Look at him.

Brain power, a lot stronger physical power.

Some of the greatest villains in comic book history

are weaker than their superhero counterparts.

But doesn't the hero always end up beating them?

Seriously, cut it out.

God.

Hey. Tiffany.

-Hey. Um, I'm really sorry. -Hey.

Look, uh,

I was wondering if I could talk to you

about Felicia.

Todd, who's that guy over there?

What, Marche?

He keeps staring at me.

Oh, he's just the groundskeeper.

I think he's a little slow, but...

he's harmless.

Why do you call him Marche?

That's his name. Uh, Alain Marche.

Okay. I'm-- I'm-- I'm sorry.

What about Felicia?

Oh, right. Uh, yeah.

Kind of wanted to explain.

Me and her dated briefly last summer.

And...

I kind of ended it once I realized

what type of person she was.

I don't understand why you're telling me this.

You just-- You seem like a good person.

I just didn't--

I didn't want her to chase you off, that's all.

Okay.

Um...

-She won't. -Good.

So, uh,

guess I'll see you around.

Okay. I guess.

Well, take care.

Bye.

Girl!

You must've gave him one hell of a first impression.

Did you blow him?

What? Are you serious?

That boy is so into you!

Seems more like constipation to me.

-Guys.

We are just friends.

-What are you talking about? -Oh, Tiffany!

I don't want her chasing you away!

What a nerd!

-Oh, come on. -All right, guys.

He seems perfect for you.

Cut it out, seriously.

Todd seems like an all right guy and everything,

but she hardly knows him.

I mean, she should keep her options open

until she gets to know everyone.

Zach!

What do you want? I'm busy.

Bob wants to see you.

Well, he's gonna have to wait.

Now, Zach.

Like I don't have enough to do today.

You got to come and bother me now, too, huh?

Why don't you go find Michael or Todd?

I'm sure those guys aren't doing anything.

-Hey! -What?

I'm not the one who wanted to see you.

Bob is, and he asked to see you specifically.

Zach, you asshole.

Bob, what is it?

Kind of in the middle of something.

Sit down, Zach.

Did you take that kid, Donnie, to the wrong cabin?

What?

-No. -Really?

Because everyone is telling me

you took him to Felicia's cabin.

Bob, it was close enough.

He could see the fucking cabin.

I'm sure you know

that not many people around here like you.

Hey, man, it's no skin off my nuts.

Zach, I go to bat for you every year

because you've never done any wrong.

-Well, thank you, Bob. -Until now.

You've really stepped in some shit,

and now you're gonna have to eat it.

Felicia Fowler complained about being spied on,

and you caused that crippled kid

to get knocked out of his wheelchair.

Look, Bob--

So, starting now, I'm putting you in charge

of Donnie's well-being for the rest of the summer.

Bob, you can't do that. That's not fair.

I don't want to hear it.

If that kid breaks both his arms,

you'll be the one wiping his ass.

Do you understand me?

Yes, sir.

-Hey, Tiffany. -Oh, hey, Donnie.

All right, I'll come back to get you in an hour.

Wait, you're not gonna stay and hang out, man?

Oh, you-- you want me to come hang out with you?

Yeah, man. We're friends.

I am not your fucking friend!

Later, losers. I'mma go work out.

-See ya, Zach! -Fuck off, Donnie.

He's such a kidder.

So, Donnie, I'd also like you to meet Stacy,

and over here is Hampton.

Hey Stacy, hey, Hamilton.

-Hampton. -Oh, sorry.

So, wait.

How do you go to the bathroom in that thing?

Do you have to sit down to pee?

Yeah.

Do you have, um, feeling, like...

down there?

Oh, my God, you guys.

Donnie, you don't have to answer any of that.

You don't have to stand up for me.

I've-- I've got tough skin.

Well, Donnie,

I think you're a stand-up guy.

What?

He said he's got tough skin. He can take a joke.

Well, I would, uh, give you a standing ovation if I could.

It looks like

that, uh, joke got off on the, uh, wrong foot.

-Yeah. -Yep.

So, Kimberly, you know

it's camp tradition for all the new counselors

to go skinny dipping on their first night at camp.

-Not happening. -Oh, come on.

You don't want to break camp tradition now, do you?

I think you just want to see me naked.

Look, I swear. Ask Todd.

Yeah, that's, uh, not a thing.

Damn it, man.

So, Tiffany, you've been talking about some type of--

what was it, a legend earlier or something like that?

I mean, yeah, there was this, um-- this camp legend

that they used to tell us every year

when I used to go to camp here.

Hey, Roger.

You ever hear of any camp legend before?

No, never. Tell us.

-Tell it. -Okay.

So...

it goes something like this.

Sometime ago,

there was a boy here named Mikey.

He used to spy

on girls when they were in the shower

and through their windows when they were changing.

They even had a nickname for him.

Mikey Mightsee.

So, one day,

he was spying on two counselors having sex.

So, they decided to teach him a lesson.

They took him to the woods and tied him to a tree.

They meant to come back an hour later to free him.

But they got high and they forgot.

So...

they go back in the morning to get him

and he's not there.

All that's left

is a blood-soaked tree.

Some say

that a wild animal ate his face off.

And there are some who believe

that he lurks in these very woods

to this day,

waiting to get revenge!

Oh, my God!

We're just having a little fun.

Seriously, none of you heard that story before, really?

Of course we've heard the story.

We've all heard it.

And everyone knows

we don't tell that story around here anymore.

The mask, Mr. Deturris.

Oh, Bob, we were just playing around.

Everybody's heard it.

Actually, I haven't.

Oh, fuck off, Donnie.

Rules are rules.

I expect everyone to follow them all the time.

Understood?

Yes, Mr. Lahey.

Roger, for your part in this,

you got the early shift in the morning.

Back to your cabin.

Yes, Bob.

Man, he took my mask and the fun police.

So, look, sorry about lying

about the whole camp legend thing.

Honestly, it's cool. I get it.

Well, look, I, uh--

I actually got to get going.

Really? You're leaving?

Yeah. Kind of important.

I have to take care of it.

Okay. Well, I'll see you tomorrow.

Yeah, totally.

Okay, bye.

-All right, Larry, we're out. -Bye, Sugar bear.

Excuse me, Larry?

Could you turn off the music there?

'Sup, bromie, come down to do some coke?

No, uh, I just come to talk to you about Tiffany.

So, what, she asked you to fucking come down,

see if I'd go up there and fuck her?

I actually just come by and ask you to leave her alone.

Dude, she looks like she's 17 years old.

Gonna fuck the shit out of her in her ass.

Listen, Larry, if you don't leave her alone,

I'm gonna have to call Miss Crowell.

Ho, ho, hold on buddy, there's no reason

to fucking involve that bitch at all, right?

Look, I'll tell you what we can do.

All right? How about--

-How about I fuck you?

Or since you're so hot on this little fucking girl,

how about I fuck her and make you watch?

When I'm done, maybe I'll let you smell my fucking fingers.

Come into my kitchen

and put your fucking balls out like that?

How about we do this?

How about I take that pretty fucking face

and put it in that goddamn pot?

I'll serve you up

to those little fucking bastards for lunch.

And get the fuck out of here, you little motherfucker.

Before I fuck you, too.

Hey, Donnie.

I'm really sorry about the jokes earlier.

It must get pretty old, huh?

Nah, it's just innocent jokes.

You know, when you look like me,

kind of got to be able to take a jab.

So, I try to see the humor in all of it

and kind of fit in instead of feeling bad about it.

What about you?

You're okay after messing with you about that whole

camp legend thing?

Yeah, I'm fine. It was a good prank.

But I'll get them back.

Don't you worry.

Oookay!

What? You don't think I can be scary?

I don't think you'd be very good at it.

What? Why?

Is it because I'm a girl?

Well, yeah.

Oh, my God. You know what?

I don't think I like you very much anymore.

Oh, oh, what was that I just heard?

Oh, did you just say that you like me?

Well,

I did,

but definitely not anymore.

Too pretty to be scary anyway.

Now you're just sucking up.

Hey, look, that whole skinny dipping thing is true.

Todd was just being a dick.

It's not happening.

Look, you can't trick me,

but you can bribe me.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

You get me high again...

I'll probably do all kinds of things.

I'm out.

Well, you're out of luck.

I can get more, I just need to go see someone.

Well, when you get more, then come see me.

Fuck.

It's getting late. I think we should head out.

Okay.

Aw, you're leaving?

Yeah. You know what? She's right.

It's late, and I'm pretty tired.

But we barely got to hang out.

Well, we'll hang out tomorrow.

-All right, then. -What about you?

Zach isn't here.

Michael can watch him.

Oh, come on!

Look, this bench is hurting my ass.

You, uh,

want me to kiss it and make it feel better?

You can watch it walk away while you wait for Zach.

Fuck. Deal.

-Goodnight, Donnie. -Goodnight, Tiffany.

Where is this douche bag anyway?

What did you say about me, freak?

Were you just lurking in the dark?

How sad is your life that you have to

lurk in the shadows to spy on me?

I wasn't lurking, shithead,

so shut up before I pound your face in.

Are you sure it's my face you want to pound?

-What? -Don't deny it.

I've seen the way you look at me.

Now you're lurking in the shadows,

talking about how you want to pound me.

Hey, look, I get it, okay? I'd fuck me, too.

If you say the word "lurking" one more time,

I'll fucking murder you.

Those are tough words coming from a meathead.

You're not worth it.

Let's go, retard.

I'm not retarded. My legs just don't work.

Oh, really? Let's check.

The hell is wrong with you?

Oh, I'm sorry.

I didn't realize you two were a couple.

Hey, I don't like Speed Racer any more than you do,

but I'm not gonna punch a cripple kid in a wheelchair.

What's the difference? He didn't feel it.

Know what, man, I'm gonna report you to Lahey.

Ooh, I'm so scared.

Why don't you go back to lurking?

He's just jealous

'cause we were talking to Tiffany and Kimberly

while he was crying in the woods.

What'd you say about me, limp-dick?

Busted, I knew you were lurking in the shadows.

Did you just say he was crying?

That's bullshit, I was not crying.

You take that back, gimp, or I'll rip your damn head off.

Hey, man, you brought this on yourself.

All right.

But if either of you two

say anything about this to Mr. Lahey,

I will make your lives a living hell.

Oh, fuck, yeah. Yeah. Oh, God.

Larry's gonna give you fucking secret sauce,

you little bastards.

Oh, yeah, you fucking tell me you're 20 years old,

I know you're only fucking 17.

Fucking naughty little bitch.

... tight little assholes.

What the fuck do you want, asshole?

What you doing with that mask, you're trying to scare me?

All that does is make my fucking dick harder.

Look at that. That's right.

You wanna see something special?

Mommy.

-Where is he?

Who? I don't know.

Don't lie for him, Cornelius.

I know that you know exactly where he is.

Did he leave camp? Huh? Where-- Where is he?

Is he in-- in a bar? In jail? In a motel? Tell me now.

Mis-- Miss Crowell, I don't know. He was here last night.

That's the last I seen of him.

-You can ask Todd. -Todd? To--

Yeah.

Todd. Todd, come in here, please.

-Todd. -Mm-hmm.

Do you see that fucking piece of shit cook?

-Larry? -Piece of shit?

-Nah, I haven't seen him. -Oh, really?

Oh, you haven't seen him?

No, well, that's funny, because Cornelius here says

that you were in the kitchen last night and you saw him.

So, what were you doing, huh?

Yeah, no, actually, uh,

I was actually just coming by to see

what's for lunch today.

Oh, lunch. Really? Really. That's it?

Yeah. Yeah.

Did he tell you where he was going?

Uh, no. No, no, no, no.

Michael, did he tell you where he was going?

He doesn't tell me much.

Goddamn it. Get-- Get the fuck out.

Just go, go. Go.

I'm done.

You know what, Cornelius?

I've had it. Okay? I am done.

His ass is fucking toast. He's out.

So, you know what?

Now you are the head cook.

I will, uh, figure something out. I'll get you a new team.

Yes, Miss Crowell.

Larry the cook just got canned.

What? Are you serious?

That's awesome. That guy was such a perv.

Hell yeah, he was.

And you can thank our friend Todd,

the bad ass over here for it.

-Really? -No, no, no, no, no.

Hell yeah, man. Come on.

Look, after you told Todd

this stuff that Larry said to you yesterday,

Todd went to have a talk with him last night.

Next day, Larry doesn't show up for work.

Did you really go and talk to him for me?

Well, yeah.

Thank you.

No problem.

You know,

I was gonna say something to that guy myself.

Oh, fuck off, Donnie.

Oh. Hi.

Hey.

-What is your damage?

Stay the hell

away from Todd.

Why?

Because he's mine.

You know, you don't own him.

Stay the fuck away from him.

-I'm warning you. -Get off me.

You'll be sorry, bitch.

Michael! What's up, man?

Hey, Skunk. What's up? How you been?

Oh, you know, living the dream.

I hear that.

Kimberly, this is Skunk.

Skunk, this is Kimberly.

Your name is Skunk. You look like a skunk.

Why, thank you.

And who's she?

Oh, this is my silent partner. We call her Spider.

Dude. That's your mom.

-Hi, Cheryl. -Hi, Michael. How you been?

I'm good.

What are you doing out here

driving Skunk around on deals?

His shit box broke down again.

Mom, it's not a shit box!

It's a classic.

See, uh, Skunk here has been my weed dealer

all eight years of camp.

You have weed?

I won't have it 'til tomorrow night at the earliest.

-Right, Mom? -Wait. What?

Dude, it's the slow season.

I got to have the cash before I get the grass, son.

You mean to tell me you dragged my ass

all the way through them woods for nothing?

Dude, you could've told me this on the phone.

I didn't find out until after the fact.

Do you want the weed or not?

Look, you got to bring it to my cabin by tomorrow night.

Yeah, but I don't want to walk

all the way up to your cabin, that's far.

I don't wanna go through those woods.

Man, you owe me. Tomorrow night. Cabin three.

Fine. Fine.

Page-turner. Let me tell you what.

Who is it?

No, no, no, no, no, no.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, hey, hey, hey. It's cool. Relax.

Look, I'm sorry what I said the other day.

Please, just leave me alone, Zach.

Donnie, man. I'm not here to mess with you.

You're not?

No. And I accept your apology.

Well, good.

This girl has no nipples.

Yeah, I know.

Look.

I know I have a bit of a temper sometimes.

Yeah, you're a dick.

Right. But Mr. Lahey--

You're a giant dick.

Mr. Lahey put me in charge of you.

So, I think we just need to put

everything in the past and move on, okay?

Yeah. That-- Sure, that sounds great.

Perfect. So, ready to go?

Where?

To the campfire.

There's another one?

Yeah, well, we have one every night.

They all told me to, uh, come up here and grab you.

Roll you on down.

You know, I was-- I was really kind of enjoying my comic here,

so, I, uh-- I'm gonna-- gonna sit this one out.

Suit yourself.

Have a good night.

All right.

Oh, um...

You know, Tiffany was asking about you.

I'll just let her know

that you're gonna hang out here tonight,

take it easy. Okay? All right. Later, man.

Wait, wait, wait. Zach, Zach, Zach, Zach!

Hang on, buddy! Hang on!

Hey, you guys.

What's going on?

You guys got to come down to the lake.

There's something you need to see.

What?

Oh, my God.

What the hell happened?

I don't know, but this don't look good.

Alain found Donnie's wheelchair like this.

What?

Do you think he drowned?

Unless he could swim better than he could walk.

Oh, my God, Donnie. Oh, my God.

♪

Damn it!

Two dead kids in three years?

This is gonna fucking ruin me.

No one is gonna want to send their kid here!

I think we're gonna be okay.

What makes you think that?

So far there's no body.

-And? -No body, no death.

We got to call the sheriff, Michelle.

Oh, and while I completely agree with you,

there's really nothing to report.

Really?

I think you should file a missing person report

and then open camp on schedule.

Do you think that'll work?

Of course. I mean, Donnie, he's an adult.

He probably just wandered off on his own free will.

But we found his wheelchair.

Get rid of the wheelchair.

Get the other counselors on board.

You call the sheriff.

-But Bob-- -Roger,

just do what the hell I tell you to.

All right, talk to me.

All right, according to what I got from the counselors,

last time anybody saw him was about- 00 last night.

Yeah, that's what they told us as well.

Ah. Well, I think it's a little early to consider him missing.

Usually we like it to be at least 48 hours

before we open up a missing persons case.

Well, Sheriff, I just wanted to be on the safe side.

Understood. Understood.

All right, well, listen, uh--

How about we'll be in touch tomorrow?

Actually, if you just give Michelle's

direct number to the office?

That way I can call her if I hear anything.

Uh. Oh, no. No. Bob. Do not give him my number.

All right. Sidowra, come on. Uh...

And I wouldn't worry about him.

I know you all look worried.

He's probably just went off on a hike,

enjoying the breeze.

He'll turn up.

Not likely.

What do you mean by that?

-"Not likely?" -What?

What do you mean, "Not likely?"

Like, he's not the type to go on a hike?

What, is he fat?

You don't think fat guys go on a hike, huh?

Because you're a cross-country runner from high school

and you picked on the fat people?

That what it is?

Because he's too slow for you?

Donnie's in a wheelchair, Roman.

He's in a fucking wheelchair?

So, we got a slow, fat kid in a wheelchair.

Around here?

Doesn't look like there's a whole lot of places

a kid can go in a wheelchair by himself here, Sheriff.

Well, has anyone contacted his parents?

Twice, so far, officer, but so far, no answer.

All right. Well, stay on it.

What, now the urgency?

I mean, he hasn't been gone that long.

You got a fucking kid in a wheelchair

that just Houdini-ed out of your camp

and you don't find that strange?

None of you find that strange, huh?

Yeah, I'm gonna tell you what happened here.

I'm gonna tell you all what happened here.

Y'all like to play pranks, right?

Ain't that right, Mr. Kotter?

You and the Sweathogs

playin' a little prank on the wheelchair kid.

No.

How about you, Maria Consuela?

Habla español?

No speaky inglés?

Ivan Drago.

-Uh, who? -You beat him up?

-Who? -"I must break you."

No, Sheriff.

Uh-huh.

Ooh, hoo, look what we got here.

Karate Kid.

Let me ask you something, Daniel-san.

Did you wax off

with the poor wheelchair kid a couple times?

And then decide to sweep his legs so he didn't talk?

No way, you can't pin this on me.

Deputy Sidawa.

-Sidowra, Sheriff. -Yeah.

Remind me how many times we've gotten calls

about Danny Zuko here getting in little tussles

with the rest of the counselors.

I believe that would be four times, Sheriff.

So what? That doesn't prove anything.

It proves you're a four-time loser.

And you're a fucking mall cop.

You watch your ass.

Sir.

What are you trying to hide back there, Ponyboy?

Nothing.

Did you mess with Johnny or Donnie?

-No. -What do we got here?

Hmm?

Blair, Tootie and Mrs. Garrett.

Remember the one about the cousin

who loved you so much, she didn't know

how to tell you?

I think we all remember that.

And I think we all remember

how you did terrible,

terrible things to that boy in the wheelchair, right?

You tried to cover it up with a pillow fight.

Bikini pillow fight? Maybe.

You want to tell me something?

-You want to say something? -They don't know anything, man.

Roman, isn't this a little bit excessive?

He's gonna show up eventually.

All right.

Right now, I don't have enough evidence.

But I'm gonna be looking into it.

Oh, great.

It's happened again, hasn't it?

What the hell are you doing here?

Now, Mickey, come on, now, I told you

you can't be coming up here harassing these camp folks.

There's another one dead!

Nobody is dead,

and you need to stay off that scanner.

It's none of your concern, lady.

How many more bodies, Sheriff,

are you just gonna sweep under the rug?

You're all a part of this.

You're gonna get it. You just wait and see.

Roman, will you do something with this bitch?

Sidowra, get her the fuck out of here.

Miss McGlynn, you got to get back in your truck

and leave these people alone.

No!

Come on, Mama, we got to go.

Somebody's gonna pay for my Mikey's death.

-Throw the scanner out.

God, that woman.

You know, I wish you'd arrest her

when she acts like this.

-She's unstable. -Hey.

That woman lost her son. All right?

I think you can have a little compassion,

especially coming from you and you.

In the meantime, Eight is Enough, listen up.

If you see or hear anything, don't try to be heroes.

Call law enforcement.

In the meantime, we'll, uh, get hold of his parents.

See if they got in touch with him, okay?

Everything's gonna be all right.

He's gonna show back up.

It's all gonna be good.

All right, Sidowra.

Settle down.

Five dollars says that kid's already bear shit.

I ain't taking that bet.

I almost had you.

All right, how about ten?

Thank God.

The camp legend is true?

Mikey's real?

No, that is just a story.

Well, then, who was that, Bob?

That was Ms. McGlynn.

That is the reason we don't talk about

dead campers around here.

Her son Michael died here two years ago

from a peanut butter sandwich.

A sandwich killed him?

It was a peanut allergy.

Who's even ever heard of anything like that?

That's why we don't talk about dead campers.

And, Michael, don't think I didn't notice

that you took that mask out of my office.

Bob, I didn't take it.

If I see that thing again, your ass is mine.

Everyone, back to work.

I don't think I can keep pretending

that everything's normal, knowing that Donnie is gone.

Shouldn't we have told him about the wheelchair?

And what good would it have done?

If Donnie's in that lake

there's nothing any of us can do for him.

Well, then they have to look for the body.

And eventually they will.

-But look,

had we told the sheriff about the wheelchair,

they would have cancelled camp this year.

Think about the children.

What about Marche?

You know?

Shouldn't they have questioned him?

What for? He doesn't know any more than we do.

Marche found the wheelchair, Hampton.

Tiffany, trust me,

the guy's harmless.

Yeah, I mean, he's a freak,

but I don't think he would hurt anyone.

He's just like a big child.

This-- It just doesn't-- it doesn't feel right, okay?

Listen, it's- it's not Alain's fault.

I'm sure Donnie would have wanted us to just...

all move on.

You fucking cocksucker,

what the hell's the matter with you!

-This is your fault! -I didn't do anything!

Bullshit, everybody knows you took him down there.

You can't prove that.

You're the only one sorry enough to do it.

Dude, forget him, man. Let's go. Come on.

Get off!

-Come on.

Do you believe that guy?

Uh, yeah, actually.

♪

Out of my way, ass-face. I'm not in the mood.

♪

What the fuck?

What the fuck is this?

Hey, you assholes, this isn't funny.

Which one of you perverts touched my dick?

Hey, who is that?

Hey, you better let me down!

Michael, you piece of shit.

I'm gonna kick your ass when I get down!

Yeah, what are you, trying to scare me?

I know it's your mask, asshole.

All right, man, cut the shit.

Cut me down.

You think I'm in a lot of shit?

If you don't get me down,

Mr. Lahey's gonna fire your ass.

Hey, you know this is kidnapping, right?

Look, man, just stop. Please, just stop.

What do you want to hear, huh? Yeah, I admit it.

I took Donnie to the lake,

but I had nothing to do with him drowning.

How was I supposed to know

the retard was gonna fall into the water?

Hey, man, hey, stop, stop, stop, wait--

♪

♪

Man.

Ooh. What do we have here?

Jackpot for Skunk. This is my lucky day.

Where's that beef? Tell me where that beef is.

There's that beef. There's that beef.

Wow, that's a-- Who-- Hey, man, who's there?

Oh, my God, Ms. Crowell, Ms. Crowell, I am so sorry.

I'll stay out of here.

Don't cut my dick off, please. I just--

Wait a minute, you're not Ms. Crowell. Phew!.

What are you, the maintenance man or something?

Visiting hours are over. What's with the hammer, dude?

Come on. Get lost.

-What is this? -I'm not touching it.

Like, I don't understand.

Like, this food wasn't this bad

-when I went to camp here. -No, it was.

I'd rather have Eggos, honey.

-Oh, yeah. -Twinkies.

-Bagel Bites? -Yeah. Yes.

-Sounds so good. -Yes.

All right. Like, I don't--

I don't know if I can take that.

No, I don't. Ow.

Oh, what-- what is this?

I don't blame you.

Where's Zach?

I haven't seen him.

Yeah, he hasn't been here all morning.

Son of a bitch.

Why? What's up?

We went to his cabin to talk to him more

about the Donnie situation, and he's not there.

And his stuff is gone, too.

He probably quit.

He knew none of us wanted him here.

Well, great, that officially makes us short-staffed.

Now I'm gonna have to make phone calls

and see if I can get somebody here to replace him.

Hey, just call Frank.

Frank is in jail, Michael.

Why is it always the good ones?

Hey. Hey, Kimberly.

So, look, Skunk?

He never showed up last night.

I was thinking that maybe

we could work something else out.

Sorry, Mike. No weed, no fun.

But we don't need weed to have fun.

Look, I got a whole case of beer back at the cabin.

Look, honey, I will drink with you all night long,

but if I'm not getting high, you're not getting off.

Sorry, bud.

Oh, hi, Michael. How are you?

Not so good, Jill.

What's the matter?

I'm in pain.

Well, why don't you have a seat

and we'll get you checked out?

Okay. So, tell me where it hurts.

It's in my groin.

Well, did you pull something?

Not yet.

Oh, well, how did it happen?

It was Kimberly's fault.

Kimberly?

Yeah. You know, the new counselor?

She was supposed to give me a hand with something,

but then that bitch backed out.

Michael, you know you shouldn't be lifting

heavy things by yourself.

Well, I know that. That's why I came to you.

All right, um, let me see

if I can figure out what the problem is.

Is it...

-here? -Mm-mm.

It's-- it's lower.

Oh, Michael, why do you have an erection?

Well, it's a compliment.

Ugh, Michael, are you even in pain?

-Yes. -Well, what kind of pain?

-Blue balls. -Oh, Michael.

Do you have any idea how unprofessional this is?

Well, what about the other counselors?

I mean, they're off having sex.

Shouldn't you?

I mean, look at you.

You are the hottest babe at camp.

Is that so, Mr. Deturris?

Damn straight it is.

-Ah! Damn it.

I can't catch a break.

Well, to be continued.

I do love sneaking around with you.

God, you look just like Burt Reynolds.

I wish I didn't have to leave tonight,

but I'll be back tomorrow night

and we can meet down by the lake after lights out.

Done.

Ah, Ms. Crowell, how can I help you?

Drop the pleasantries, Jill. Where's Michael?

I saw him come in here.

Mm, I don't know. He actually just left.

And why'd he come in here?

Well, I'm a nurse,

so I'm sure you can figure the rest out for yourself.

Oh, please.

Like that little scumbag could hurt himself.

Maybe if he was thinking too hard.

Why are you following him anyway?

I have my reasons.

And what about Larry and Zach, huh?

Did they come in for a little checkup, too?

Well, I heard that Larry quit.

Ha! Larry. Larry quit.

Yeah, right. Like, I'm that lucky.

The only way Larry would leave is

if I dragged him out on his ass and you know it.

There's something going on here

and I'm gonna figure it out.

Wow, Miss Crowell, the detective.

You know what, I bet you and your boyfriend, the sheriff,

could go around solving mysteries together.

Don't you dare talk about Shitmore to me.

And I know that Michael came in here

not to be treated for anything.

So, let me remind you

that staff relationships are forbidden!

And if I find out you're screwing around,

I will throw you out

on your tiny little ass.

Have a good day, Jill.

Bye.

-Oh, hey, Michelle. -Fuck off.

-Wow.

What's her problem?

I don't know.

Hi, Roger. How can I help you?

I've got this pain and it won't go away.

What's wrong?

I think I pulled my groin.

Well, this is kind of nice, huh?

Yeah.

It's-- it's great.

You okay?

Everybody was making fun of him.

Just-- I feel like

I could have done more to prevent it.

Are you kidding me?

You were the nicest to him.

You treat him like an actual person.

Not like a joke.

But he wanted to hang out with me at the campfire,

and I didn't.

Maybe Zach wouldn't have done what he did had I been there.

Listen.

I know there's a lot of regrets at this camp

on how people treated Donnie.

But hey, none of those regrets are for you.

Okay?

I mean, Donnie wouldn't want you to go through this.

You're a beautiful person.

Come on.

Hey, babe, is everything okay out there?

Aw...

Would you knock this shit off?

Babe, you know I don't like when you play around.

Seriously, Stacy,

you're breaking my concentration in here.

Oh, stop!

Babe!

Babe, you okay?

-Boo!

You are such a scaredy-cat!

That's not funny. Don't play.

Oh, is the poor little Hampton so scared?

Stacy? Stacy! What the hell?

♪

♪

♪ 'Cause I had a date with a guy ♪

♪ Finally ♪

♪ A date with a guy ♪

♪ And I think that I love him ♪

♪ And Todd is so hot ♪

♪ I just can't breathe ♪

♪ A date with a guy ♪

♪ Date with a guy ♪

♪ Oh yeah, yeah ♪

Should have left Todd alone, bitch.

Fucking bitch...

"Meet me in the art room. Todd."

Ah! I knew it. I knew it.

Todd. You in here?

This isn't a game, Todd.

Todd?

What's this?

Some kind of role play?

Have I been a bad girl?

Are you gonna punish me?

How?

What the hell, Todd?

Todd?

♪

What the fuck?

♪

Dude, what do you think happened to Larry?

Oh, thank God.

Hey, uh, what's wrong?

-He's after me! -Who?

I don't know! I didn't see his face!

He had a mask!

Are you gonna help me or not?

What do you want us to do?

I don't know.

You're big and you're Black.

Go kick his ass!

Where is he at?

He's outside! Over there. Hurry.

All right. You stay here. We'll go check it out.

Okay. Yeah. Okay.

♪

I don't see shit.

What?

She said I'm gonna kick his ass

'cause I was big and Black?

I think she did.

She's crazy.

She on the same shit Larry was on.

Mm-hmm.

I have no idea what she's talking about.

-I don't see shit. -Yeah, she's crazy.

I have to pee.

-Oh, my...

Oh.

Nope. Fuck this. You can have 'em.

Spoiled-ass white kids. Nope.

Hey, you know what I'm thinking?

Never.

I'm thinking...

that we got to really pay attention

to that Zach and Michael guy,

'cause if anyone knows what happened to that kid,

I'm thinking it's one of them.

-Sheriff? -Yeah?

-You think that's suspicious? -What?

Hey, buddy.

How ya doing?

-Doing. -Cool.

Sir, you need some help?

Hey. Hey. Hey!

I will ask the questions. All right?

So, um, what's with the blood?

-What? It's paint. -Yeah.

Phew! It's paint.

Been there, done that. Paint can be a mess.

Yeah, especially if you're not trained.

What's up with the knife?

Found it.

Oh, hey, you know what? Just hand it over here.

If nobody comes to claim it--

Ah, ah, okay. Thank you.

If nobody comes to claim it in 72 hours, it's yours.

All right? Just stop on by to the department.

All right.

I will always remember a nice face.

What a nice kid.

Put that in the lost and found when we get back .

Mm. What a sweet kid.

-Sheriff? -Mm-hmm.

I really think we need to investigate

that man a little further.

You know what your problem is?

You just profiled someone.

You know? Profiling people is wrong.

Sheriff, does that look suspicious to you?

Freeze!

That's far enough. Not one more step there.

That's it.

All right, now turn around, Rerun.

That's it.

Now walk back to me slowly.

Now give me a little moonwalk.

That's right. Slow. Slow.

That's right.

There you go, buddy.

All right, Isaac. Now stop.

Cuff him.

'Kay, maybe they're taking a hike.

I don't fucking know.

It doesn't make sense.

All of them? For this long?

Like, one after the other?

They didn't disappear at the same time.

They just-- They're just gone. Like--

There's people missing.

They've got other things to do.

Michelle, where is everyone?

We don't fucking know, Bob, okay?

Felicia, Stacy, Hampton, they're all missing, okay?

They're not in their cabins,

and I don't know where they are.

Cornelius isn't here either.

What the hell is going on around here?

Something's-- something's not right.

What if Zach and Larry didn't just quit?

Then we have seven missing people.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. What are we gonna do?

-Hey, hey, hey, stop. -You know, Bob,

I really think we need to do something.

I'm gonna go ahead and call Sheriff for one more.

Do it.

It's all right.

It's all right. It's all right.

You getting a little workout in,

weren't you, now?

You don't seem like the type that would jog.

So, where you running?

And why you running? Hmm?

Running from the camp.

Camp Trustfall?

Yes, I'm the cook there.

Well, I can tell you like to eat what you cook.

No wonder those kids so skinny.

Why you running?

'Cause the damn devil is after me.

You know, the devil only punishes the wicked.

So, what'd you do, son?

Look, I just witnessed someone die

and other people could be in danger.

Well, that sounds

like a threat and a confession.

-Confession? -Oh, so we agree.

You murdered that poor little old crippled kid.

And you thought you'd get away with it.

Perfect murder. 'Til you ran into me.

Mm-hmm.

Now all I need is the body, son.

If it's not chopped up and in your belly right now.

Why don't you tell me where it is?

Or the murder weapon?

-You know where that is? -There's no murder weapon.

-I didn't kill- -Deputy, control him!

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Deputy!

Oh! Whoa! Whoa. Whoa.

-What did I just find on you? -No, no, that's not even my--

-Jesus.

You're going back to prison, buddy.

Where are you going?

I'm going to get Sheriff Wilmore.

I'll be back as fast as I can.

You're just going to leave us here?

I have no choice. The phone lines are down.

I need to get a hold of the sheriff.

I'm leaving you and Michelle in charge.

What the fuck? I just bought this thing.

Bob, what's going on, man?

My fucking Corvette won't start.

Damn it.

Why don't we go try our cars, huh?

-Yeah. -Let's do that.

What happened?

All of the vehicles have been sabotaged.

So, what do we do now?

I want all of you to stay here.

I'm gonna walk to the sheriff's office.

Are you crazy? That's like ten miles away.

Listen, I have to do this.

I want you to stay here with Roger,

lock yourself in the cabin.

Are you kidding me?

You're-- You're going to leave me alone with Roger?

One of them is doing this.

We need to keep everybody separated.

I'm going to town to try to get the sheriff and come back.

I'll be back as quickly as I can.

Hello?

Dude, this blows.

I should be out there meeting Nurse Hot-pants right now.

Todd?

Screw it.

♪

Michael, is that you?

Michael, are you re-enacting all those times

you stood outside my window and watched me get undressed?

You know, I always knew you were watching.

Do you like what you see?

You know, you can look and touch.

Well, Michael, what the fuck are you doing?

Are you gonna get in here and fuck me or what?

Who the fuck are you?

You better stop that.

You're starting to freak me out.

Fucking asshole!

What do you want from me? A free show?

Get out of my way!

Help me!

♪

Wait, wait, wait, did you hear that?

It sounded like someone calling for help.

-Yep. -So, we should do something.

We are.

We're doing exactly what Michelle told us to do.

Kim, we can't just do nothing.

Yes, we can.

It's literally the easiest thing we can do.

Would you leave me out there?

Don't do that. That's different.

-Why? -Because you're my best friend.

We don't know who that is.

It's someone's best friend.

I just-- I keep thinking of Donnie

and how nobody was there to help him.

How I couldn't help him.

But we could help them.

-Come on. -No. No.

No, you're not gonna keep doing this to me.

We shouldn't be dealing with whatever's going on out there.

The safest thing we can do is stay here.

You can stay, but I'm going.

Are you coming?

Fine.

God, Kim.

Oh, there's a light on in the kitchen.

Okay.

Wait, what if this is a trap?

No, no, no, no. It's fine. It's fine.

Don't be a scaredy-cat.

Ooh, please don't be a trap.

Please don't be a trap. Please don't be a trap.

Just-- It's fine. You can-- You can do this.

You can do this, Tiff. You can do this.

You can find someone to help.

♪

Why is it so dark in here?

Of course. God.

Okay.

Come on, Tiff. Come on.

Just-- Just check out the kitchen.

It's gonna be okay. It's gonna be okay.

There's nothing to be afraid of, you know?

Hello?

Ugh! What the hell?

Who would be cooking this late at night?

Oh, my God, oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit.

Kim!

What are you doing here?

Being guilted by my best friend.

Why are you running?

There's a man in a mask who's trying to kill me!

-I told you this was a trap. -Shit!

We gotta go find Ms. Crowell and Roger.

What the hell is Roger gonna do?

I don't know!

Why did you stop?

Look, I need you to trust me.

-Close your eyes. -Why?

I need you to trust me on this one.

Hold my hand and close your eyes

-until I tell you. -Okay.

♪

Oh, my God .

Oh, my God, she's dead!

Oh, my God! We're gonna die! We're gonna die!

The hell I am!

Oh, shit.

♪

Fuck.

♪

♪

♪

Please don't. Please don't.

Please. Please don't.

No, please! No!

Hey, asshole!

-Come on, girl!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

No!

No!

Run!

Who are you?

You son of a bitch!

Todd! Todd!

Where are you?

Please go away...

Oh, somebody's gonna pay

for my little Mikey's death.

Bob, I don't regret a thing.

You can call the-- Shit! Shit!

Ah, shit!

♪

♪

"Went to Lake to find Nurse Korek."

Todd!

Oh, my God! Todd!

Hey, hey, hey. It's okay.

It's okay. It's all right.

What are you doing here?

I was coming down to find Mike, but I--

I don't-- I don't see him anywhere.

-Todd. -Yeah?

I couldn't find anybody else.

They're dead.

What?

-What do you mean? -They're all dead.

Everybody.

No.

What was that?

Come on, come on, come on.

♪

-Come inside.

Fuck.

They're-- they're dead.

Mike, what are you doing in here?

This all ends tonight.

With her.

No one else has to die.

You stay away from her, man.

Me? Stay away from her?

It's you I'm concerned about.

I think she's gotten into your head.

No, she hasn't done anything.

I knew you were gonna protect her.

Something's gotta happen.

What are you gonna do? Call the cops?

We can't have that now, can we?

Whether you like it or not, you're part of this now.

But you and I, we can fix this.

We can figure this out.

We've got each other's backs, don't we?

'Course.

You know I always got your back, man.

And I've got your back.

But her?

She's bad news, man.

Why? What did I ever do to you?

You're a virus!

Everything was fine until you showed up.

And then it all turned to shit.

It's not her fault.

Well, then who's fault is it?

It's yours.

I didn't cause this.

Trying to save you, man.

What, by killing her?

It's her or me, Todd.

Someone's got to go down for this.

And I know she's not gonna take the fall willingly.

So, whose side are you on?

You're a monster.

Mike, I'm not gonna let you touch her.

-Tiffany, run!

Todd!

Shh.

♪

Todd! Where are you, man?

I saw you come in here.

It's a real dick move hitting me with that bat.

I don't know what happened to you, man.

You and I are best friends.

I'd take a bullet for you.

But if you're gonna protect her,

then you're just as guilty as she is.

Mrs. Crowell said

I was getting too old to be a counselor.

This was going to be my last year at camp.

It was gonna be the best one.

And then she had to come in and ruin it!

-Ah! -There you are.

Come here. Come here.

-Come here! God!

Hey. Buddy.

Hey. Hey.

Todd. Hey. Hey.

Hey, bud. Hey, buddy?

Oh, my God.

What did you do?!

What did I do?

You killed my best friend.

You've taken everything from me.

-No! No!

-Come here.

-Come here! -Ah!

It ends now.

Oh. Oh...

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Come on.

It's me, Mikey.

Oh, my God!

Thank you.

Thank you.

Hey, Sheriff, got another survivor.

Oh, my God, Donnie!

-Donnie? -Holy shit.

-Hey. Glad you're all right. -Oh, my God, you're okay!

What the hell, man? Oh, I'm so glad!

-Thought I was a goner. -Yeah, so did I.

I'll be damned.

Son.

You are one lucky bastard.

Yeah.

How ya doing, buddy?

Uh, I-- I'm fine.

Just a couple of bumps and bruises.

What happened? Can you-- Can you remember anything?

I was left down by the lake at night and then

guy came out and attacked me with a mask.

That's-- That's all I really remember.

Then it's gonna come back to you.

We'll get you to the hospital and get you checked out.

I-- I don't-- I don't think I need it, it's not that bad.

One of your guys already patched me up.

That ain't a doctor, okay?

And I'm not a doctor either. All right?

Wow. That-- You could be hemorrh--

That's serious. Look at that.

Yeah, you could be hemorrhaging.

There could be some internal bleeding.

-Stop! Oh! Oh! -You see that? You see that?

That's like some seizuring you're doing right there.

Now, now, now, now, now, now.

We're gonna get you checked out, all right?

Yeah, I can-- I can totally go to the hospital.

I can-- Yes.

Hey, Sheriff, my mom's here.

Can she take me to the hospital?

Well...

protocol is that I should escort

you both down to the hospital.

But I'm gonna be honest,

I can't see why that would hurt.

-Sure. -Can Donnie come, too?

Yeah, all right.

All right, take Don-- Don't let him get near--

Put him in the backseat, all right?

Okay, yeah. You got it, Sheriff.

-Come on. -Hey. Donnie.

You're gonna be on your feet in no time, buddy, all right?

-Let me help you with that.

Let me help you with that. All right, buddy.

Oh, God!

Donnie!

Good kids.

Of all fucking people, Donnie Brahts survived.

Well, life is the shit, huh?

Speaking of shit, can you go wrangle me up some TP?

-Yeah, sure. -I'll go around back.

Shoo! Hey, whatever happened with that landscaper,

Alain Marche?

I got some questions for him.

I haven't seen him. I've had a lot going on.

Mm.

Well, you know...

you name a kid Alain...

they end up mowing a lawn.

Hey, Sheriff.

What is it?

Look who I caught trying to sneak into the woods.

Ooh, well, well, well.

If it isn't my favorite drug dealer,

Mr. James Mitchell.

What the fuck are you doing on my crime scene?

-The name is Skunk. -Ah!

Say it, don't spray it and cut the shit, James.

What are you doing here?

I had nothing to do with any of this, Sheriff.

I was visiting a friend here at camp,

and out of nowhere, some psycho attacked me with a mallet.

Instead of being in handcuffs, I should be calling my lawyer,

'cause I'm pretty sure there's a lawsuit here.

Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Slow the roll, Matlock.

-You don't have a lawyer. -The hell I don't.

Who's your lawyer?

Lawyer-- uh, my lawyer's Finkelstein, man.

Oh, okay. That sounds like a lawyer.

-Mm-hm. -Who are you gonna sue?

I'm gonna sue you,

I'm gonna sue Camp Trustfall,

I'm gonna own this camp and I'm gonna own you.

-You better believe it. -What are you suing me for?

Suing the camp's fine. Not suing me.

Police brutality.

I haven't done anything to you yet.

Get him the fuck out of here.

-Come on. -Hey, you're lucky to be alive.

Fucking Skunk.

Where did you guys find the wheelchair?

Vonk. Vonk?

-Yes, sir. -Get over here.

Looking everywhere for some toilet paper.

-Uh-huh. -Couldn't find any.

All I found was these leaves.

That is disgusting.

But I do have to go.

Where the hell'd you find the wheelchair?

Found it with the kid.

Why?

I was just curious.

Well, stop being curious, all right?

Hey, Sheriff.

What is it, Sidowra?

So they finally got back to us with IDs

on the three John Does found at the,

uh, convenience store in Stanardsville.

Yeah?

So, as suspected, one of the victims

is the store clerk, Alex Costanza.

The other two names:

Henry Brahts and his son, Donnie Brahts.

Fuck.

Donnie Brahts.

Hey, ain't that the name of that

melon-headed wheelchair kid?

Autopsy confirmed

Donnie Brahts was a paraplegic.

There was no wheelchair found with the bodies.

Say that again.

No wheelchair

found with the bodies.

Son of a bitch.

-Have a nice day, Alex. -You too, Mark.

And watch out for the weirdos.

Oh! Excuse me.

Help! Help!

-There's just nobody here. -Yeah, there is.

I saw a guy through the window after you came in here.

Hey, guy. She thinks you're cute.

I'll give her your number.

No, no, no, no, please. Seriously, cut it out.

Fine. Let's just go.

We still have to pay.

You don't want to be late for your precious

Camp Trustfall orientation, do you?

Hurry the hell up.

Shut the fuck up, boy,

or I'll make you crawl in there

and get your own Goddamn cigarettes.

Yeah, and prolong me from going to that shitty camp?

You can't wait to get rid of me.

Screw it.

I'll get your Goddamn cigarettes.

Yeah, they better be the right ones

or I'm not smoking them.

Maybe Camp Trustfall will have your brand.

Fucking asshole...

Anybody here? I need some fucking smokes.

What the fuck?

-You done yet?

Help! Dad! Somebody!

Okay, Donnie.

You wait here.

I'm gonna go get us

some sticks and marshmallows for the campfire.

Where's everyone else?

Uh, they all went to go get lighter fluid.

Seems excessive, but okay.

Hey. Don't roll an inch.

-I'll try not to. -I'll be back in a jiffy.

Okay.

Donnie?

-Mike. -Are you okay?

Mike, you gotta listen to me.

It was Tiffany. She's killed everybody, man.

What?

I'm telling you. It's Tiffany.

It's Tiffany and Todd's helping her, man.

Tiffany's doing everything and Todd is helping her.

Are you-- Are you sure?

What? You gotta listen to me, man.

You gotta listen to me.

♪

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